Episode 16 - Your Emotions Are Messengers, Not Enemies

What if your most painful experiences hold the key to your greatest transformation? Kelly Getz shares her powerful journey of healing after the stillbirth of their second son, revealing how she discovered gratitude in the midst of overwhelming grief and anger.

When Kelly made the conscious decision to "heal with grace and gratitude" after leaving the hospital, she had no idea what that would look like in practice. In this deeply moving episode, she walks us through the exact moment—one month into her grief journey—when intense anger threatened to consume her, and how a simple question changed everything: "What benefit can I receive from feeling this anger?"

The answer led to a profound realization: if she could feel such intense negative emotions, she must have equal capacity for joy and peace. This awareness became her pathway forward. 

Kelly offers practical wisdom about the importance of fully feeling our emotions rather than suppressing them. She explains how asking "What do I need right now?" and following your intuition—whether it leads you to play music, take a walk, or unexpectedly visit a garden store—creates space for healing and energy to move. Through personal stories, she demonstrates how synchronicities emerge when we surrender expectations and remain open to possibilities.

Most powerfully, Kelly reveals how the greatest pain of her life ultimately led her to discover energy medicine and become a healer who empowers others. "Our son who didn't get to stay with us gave me the opportunity to learn how to heal with grace and gratitude," she shares. "He helped me recognize that every moment in life, whether good or bad, is a gift."

Listen now to discover how embracing all emotions—even the uncomfortable ones—expands your capacity for joy, connection, and transformation. Your healing journey begins with a single question.

Instagram  | Facebook | Linkedin | YouTube  

Do you have a story of resilience that has led you to self-discovery, transformation and discovered a new purpose?  What guided you through the difficult times?  

Write a short synopsis of the story you would like to share. We truly would love to hear about it. We will respond and if your story fits our listeners needs we will contact you with a scheduling link.  Please add, "Podcast Interview Suggestion" as subject line.

With Infinite Love & Gratitude

Kelly

Join the Newsletter:

https://kellygoetz.com/subscribe

Transcript

Introduction to Disturbed Sleep

Speaker 1 0:00

Good morning . This is Kelly Getz with another Gifts and Strange wrapping paper . My sleep has been disturbed these last few days , so there's nothing like a good night's sleep to be productive and to have greater joy in your life and in your relationships . And these last few days I have been having a little bit of a transition in my sleep , so I am up early Now . The great thing about this is I'm getting to enjoy all of the beautiful sounds of nature as I'm getting up and walking and I'm getting to see the beautiful sun rising and I was just listening to a beautiful chime and some wonderful birds . So , anyways , today I wanted to talk about gratitude .

Speaker 1 0:53

You know , we've all heard it . You know be grateful for , you know , everything in your life . And when you get up in the morning , you know make sure that you write down things that you're grateful for . Be grateful for getting up in the morning , be grateful at night , you know , doing a gratitude journal or just having the opportunity to , as you look around to find things to be grateful for . And one of the things that I learned several years ago from our loss was that it's easy often to be grateful when things are going well , when things are good and it's easy to look about and be like , wow , I'm grateful for my husband or my child or my friend or my job , whatever it is . It's when things get tough ,

Gratitude in Difficult Times

Speaker 1 1:46

when things get really , really tough , it's a lot more challenging , and an angel taught me and when I say an angel , I do mean our second son , who was born into heaven and what he showed me and what he taught me was that finding the gratitude in the difficult moments , the things that you don't want to go through , and recognizing that things really are happening for you , as much as it sucks in the morning or in the moment , things are happening for you so that you can learn , so that you can grow . Things are happening for you so that you can learn , so that you can grow . And I know so many of you have gone through a variety of different challenges and different pains , different suffering , and I have too . And what I discovered when I was at one of my lowest points , when we were grieving , was , in my journey of healing , the more I could find the gratitude for the things that didn't make sense , the things that were hurting me , the grief that I was experiencing , the more I could find gratitude in that moment the greater opportunity I find to restore some faith , restore my hope . So let me give you an example of this .

Speaker 1 3:21

About a month after I was in my grieving journey I don't know what it was that had me feeling angry , but I was feeling angry . And when you're grieving you go through all sorts of different emotions and those emotions can be extremely raw , extremely vulnerable , extremely raw , extremely vulnerable , and it's extremely intense and very constricting and heavy . And in this moment it was about a month after our loss . We had gone through a funeral . We had been blessed by many neighbors with beautiful meals and such and helping us with our kid , who was four at the time . Our oldest son was four and we had neighbors that were helping getting our child over to their homes for playdates so that

Intense Anger After Loss

Speaker 1 4:20

he didn't have to witness us in our grief . He didn't have to witness us in our grief and he was aware of what was going on . But there were so many blessings around us and on this particular day I was feeling a tremendous amount of anger .

Speaker 1 4:45

Now the funny thing is I cannot remember what I was feeling angry about . I don't know if something triggered me and I was in my home and in that trigger , if I was talking to somebody on the phone or what it was , I just remember feeling this intense anger at a level nine . Perhaps it was the anger coming from why me ? I'm not really certain , and we all have our . Was the anger coming from why me ? I'm not really certain , and we all have our moments where we say why me ? Why is this happening to me ? Why does it look like my neighbor down the street has everything going well ? Or why does it look like my coworker , who doesn't work as hard as me , always gets the promotion ? Or why is it me that has to go through a variety of different health challenges ? I don't think there's ever a time or a moment that the human being doesn't think , think , hmm , at some point in their lives , why me ? I feel like we all have those vulnerable moments , those weak moments when we question and we wonder why is it harder for me or why is it easier for them ?

Speaker 1 6:00

And so , in this moment where I was feeling this intense anger , and most likely angry that we didn't have our baby with us , I walked into my bedroom and I had already previously made a decision that I was going to heal with grace and gratitude . When I left the hospital , I had no clue , absolutely no clue , what that looked like . How do you even do that ? Because I was hurting big time . However , that was the choice I made . The choice I made was to grow , the choice I made was to heal , and I wanted to have a sense of grace and gratitude .

Speaker 1 6:50

So now , here I am on this particular day and I am feeling so much anger , and I started to really think about it , like , what benefit was my body , my soul , getting out of feeling that intensity of anger ? And as I thought about it , I thought well , all right , and I am pretty spiritual and I do believe in God or a higher power than me . I do believe that we're all connected , we're all one , that we come from one source , and so I'm just going to say that straight out . So if you're someone that doesn't believe in something bigger than you or doesn't know what's there , that's okay . You don't have to believe what I believe , and you might go about this in a very different way . But in this moment , I started thinking all right , what's the benefit of having this tremendous feeling of anger and grief that I was experiencing ? And as I started thinking about it , when I asked that question . It gave my mind and my soul an opportunity to see it a little bit differently . It gave my mind and my soul an opportunity to see it a little bit differently .

Speaker 1 8:09

Questions are so critical . Asking the right question can lead you into changing your state of mind , your state of being , how you're feeling , how you're thinking . So when I asked that question , I thought all right . So when I asked that question , I thought all right , if I can feel this much anger and grief from our loss , then I know I'm alive , that I'm actually here on this planet earth and I'm living . I'm alive , I'm breathing , and that gives me so many opportunities opportunities to learn , opportunities to have relationships , opportunities to experience life in all of its multi-dimensional highs and lows

Finding Benefit in Painful Emotions

Speaker 1 9:00

. And so , just asking that question , what is the benefit of this raw , painful anger and grief ? I started to think all right , now I was kind of dialoguing with God , angel guides , whatever you want to call it and in that moment I was like all right , god , if I can feel this much anger , this much grief , this much sins at a 10 plus , get me out of my body intensity , like I don't want to be in my body feeling all this , then I know I'm alive . And if I'm alive and I can feel to this depth , something inside me knows well , if I can feel anger and grief and sadness to this level , then that must mean that the opportunity to feel joy , happiness , peace , calm has just as much possibility . Calm has just as much possibility that at some point in time , when I move through this anger and the sadness and really feel it 10 plus level , that same level .

Speaker 1 10:29

And what I did in that moment in time is I actually created a bit of space in my body , in my life , to think things through a little bit differently and I actually gave myself a target . It differently , and I actually gave myself a target , and that target was I'm going to feel joy and happiness to the level . I'm feeling this anger and grief in this moment in time . And I gave myself a way out , a way to move the experience .

Speaker 1 11:04

And what slowly happened wasn't like I just stopped grieving in that moment . I didn't . It wasn't that I completely stopped feeling the anger , but I accepted the reality of the emotions . I was in and I felt them , I acknowledged them . I was in and I felt them , I acknowledged them , I experienced them and then I started making a choice to move towards something else , knowing full well that movement and that feeling of joy and happiness wasn't going to come instantly . But it gave me a place to focus , a place to move towards . And it also gave me an opportunity to accept how I was feeling and how I was experiencing that moment in time and over you know the hours in the day , that intensity didn't remain it slowly , as I felt it , as I acknowledged it , as I accepted it . That was what I was experiencing in that moment and I felt it . My body started to move , the energy and I started slowly to heal just a little bit more .

Speaker 1 12:25

And I became grateful that , as a human being , we get the opportunity to feel all these crazy emotions . They are like warning signals . They are activated in our body . Either we're triggered by a past memory or we're in a situation that doesn't feel safe and we start to feel that sense of fear or anxiousness in our bodies . There are all these beautiful warning signals that , whether you believe in a higher source or God or have any sort of faith-based thinking , I truly sense that having those emotions is a connection to the divine . It's connection to our higher self , that higher self of who we are that has this sense of knowing and awareness .

Speaker 1 13:29

The interesting thing was , a couple months later I was about three months into my journey and I had actually two months into my journey . So about a month later I had decided that , okay , I needed some support outside of counseling , which I had a beautiful counselor , I also have a beautiful friend and mentor in Sue who was able to support me , and I had many friends around me that I could reach out to . And I also had this awareness that I had picked up in the hospital , that it was up to me to discern what I needed each day to go on and to move through my pain , my grief , and that awareness of simply being able to again ask myself what do I need today ? And more often than not it was what do I need in this exact moment to move through this pain I'm experiencing into something else ?

Meeting Emotions Where They Are

Speaker 1 14:43

What do I need right now to give me hope , to give me peace ? And sometimes a song would come to my mind , sometimes a friend would come to mind and I would pick up the phone and call the friend . If it was a song , I would play the song . If it was take a walk , whatever it was . Without question , I would just do that for myself Now , at this point in time , and if you are somebody that is studying energy medicine with me and learning how to feel the different energies in your body , one of the things that you discover is we have all these different tools in our toolbox that I teach you , that I teach you , and when we're teaching all these different tools , there's a variety , and what can often happen to somebody first learning about their energy system and how to harmonize it and balance it is they'll start asking the question of oh my gosh , I'm having this experience .

Speaker 1 15:54

What do I do first ? What do I do first and what I didn't know or I couldn't articulate at that moment in time ? Instead , I made a choice and I experienced the shift in my emotions through questions and through taking action . Through questions and through taking action , what I discovered after learning more about energy work is it's really quite simple . I tell my students and I'm going to tell you it's that when you ask yourself , what do I need right now , in this moment in time , what do I need right now , in this moment in time , more often than not , something will rise to the surface and sometimes you might go wow , three things just came to the surface and you might doubt those three things or you might doubt the ideas that come to mind . Doubting is one of the things that the mind does to try to control the situation , to keep you safe , to protect you . However , if you lean in to whatever idea just came to your mind , for example , if it's hey , go take a walk , turn on this song , it might be even a sad song that your body wants you to turn on , it might be a fast-paced song , it does not matter what it is .

Speaker 1 17:29

When you act on whatever that intuitive idea or thought is from the question you just asked , which is what do I need right now to feel good ? What do I need right now to move the pain , the anger , the sadness ? And you actually take the action and do it , what you'll find is you now have a different perspective . You have a completely different perspective , that you're able to see your world a little bit different than you did a moment before . And usually what I find is what comes to mind aren't these big , heavy , complex things . They're simple Get up and take a shower , drink some water , call a friend , turn on some music , take a walk , go exercise Might be jump up and down might be go sit outside in the grass and be in nature .

Speaker 1 18:44

Often they're pretty simple , those first thoughts and ideas , and when you actually act on them and do it , like in my case , when I was struggling with that intensity of anger and I started questioning it , like , okay , what's the good in feeling this anger ? What does that tell me ? And all I could come up with was , okay , I'm alive in this moment and it hurts and it stinks and I don't like it . I don't like how I'm feeling , but I'm alive , which means if I'm alive , I have options , I have choices , which means I have opportunities to find my way to enjoying the people around me . And that started moving me .

Speaker 1 19:34

So , in your case , whatever comes to mind if you say , wow , what do I need right now ? And for all those studying energy , work with me or with others , it comes down to where can I create space and movement in my body , in my life , so that I can feel differently , so I can heal , so I can increase my confidence , so I can remember that everything I need I have within my soul , within that part of me that sometimes I overlook and I forget . That's there you could do to create space , to create a little bit of healing , an improved thought process , an improved physical well-being . And you take that action . You turn on the music and you dance . And I often find that if you're using music , meet your body and your emotions where it's at .

Speaker 1 21:08

So if I'm feeling sad and I'm hurting , I don't always go to the Mach 10 happy song because I'm not at a Mach 10 happy place . So if I'm going to use a song to shift my energy , I'll go to the song that meets my emotion and my thought process where it's at , so that I can truly feel the thoughts and the emotions that I'm in . And then I'll choose another song and each song that I choose starts to move up in its frequency , starts slowly moving up in a frequency where I started , maybe in a really low , sad place , angry grief , whatever it is . Sad place , angry grief , whatever it is . And then the next song . It's a little higher vibration because I felt the emotion I was in , I noticed the thoughts I was having , I acknowledged them with the song and felt them in my body and then I moved to the next best song and the next best song . I felt where I was at in that moment , listening to whatever the lyrics that I was drawn to and that would lead me to the next best song , and each time , using music to meet your emotions , where you're at , and your thoughts and your ideas , each time I would use a song and raise to the next level . I was experiencing what was going on in my body which meant I was feeling it .

Speaker 1 22:52

You cannot heal if you do not feel so . If you are having an experience and you choose to push it away and we all have moments that we do it or you choose to shove it down . Push it down and tell yourself oh , I'm not supposed to feel that way , so you ignore it , or you find humor . Some people find humor to protect themselves from feeling the stuff they don't want to feel . And so , instead of acknowledging sadness or anger , those other emotions that we all have , our guiding post at times , we all do different things to avoid the uncomfortable places that our bodies and our souls can go .

The Garden Store Synchronicity

Speaker 1 23:46

The challenge with that is , the more you avoid feeling angry or fearful or sad , depressed or anxious , the more you say no , no , I'm not going to feel that , you also shrink your capacity to feel love , to feel joy , to feel hope , to feel excitement . So as you're shrinking and avoiding the negative emotions , or the I'd rather call them the low vibration emotions , you're also shrinking your capacity to feel hope and joy , love . You're making your comfort zone smaller .

Speaker 1 24:32

And the second thing that starts to happen is when you repress all those feelings , those , those feelings that you don't like , and you repress them . Well , it's energy , it has to go somewhere . And where does it go ? It goes into your organs , it goes into your cells , it goes into your muscles . You start to feel intense tension , perhaps in your body , inflammation . So choosing not to feel an emotion or resisting the emotion ends up causing you more pain in the long haul . So you might as well just say all right , I'm resisting what I'm feeling right now . I don't want to shrink my ability to feel love and joy in the long haul , so I'm going to just feel this right now , whatever it is , no judgment . Just feel it so that you can ultimately heal it and let it have a voice .

Speaker 1 25:45

If that's anger that you feel like you need to go punch a pillow and speak it out loud . Then find a safe place where there's no kids , no husband , no anybody else around where you can go punch a pillow . Or , if it's a long-term anger or frustration , go find a boxing class . You can imagine whatever you want in that boxing class , as you're releasing it in a safe way versus creating harm to yourself or others , allowing yourself to move through the emotions and trusting when you ask what do I need right now so I can feel this emotion and release it ? Maybe it's journaling this emotion and release it . Maybe it's journaling writing the angry journals , maybe it's speaking into a microphone . Whatever it is , just do it Now . Here's the thing Sometimes , when we take that first step , we don't get the level of release or shift that we want in our bodies or in our lives .

Speaker 1 26:59

So a key thing that you can do to measure , because when we truly observe something and we measure it , then we can observe it after . We do whatever comes to mind . For example , coming back to my original example , when I was feeling that intensity of anger , I knew by rating it , by observing it . Wow , my body is tense , all over at a 10 plus . Wow , this anger is a 10 plus . And when I say 10 plus , it's like it's off the charts . I would have done anything to just get out of my body in that moment in time it was so intense by rating it and then also observing .

Speaker 1 27:49

When you're in that experience , how is your body communicating to you ? Is your body communicating with tension ? Is your body feeling constricted ? Where is it feeling constricted ? Ask yourself , where is this holding in your body ? Just notice it , feel it . You can write it down . Sometimes that helps to just write it down and to give it a rating . The more you give it depth by saying , wow , I'm feeling tension in my stomach or I'm feeling tension in my heart area , and then you start thinking about , well , does it feel like somebody's squeezing your heart , does it feel like something's pressing against you ? The more texture you give it and the more awareness to that texture . You know , how do you see , how do you hear , what are you feeling in your body , what are you smelling ? And the more texture you give it using all of your senses . You can write them all down , rate them and then when you ask , what do I need to move through it , to feel it , to let it go , to shift it ?

Speaker 1 29:11

If a song comes to mind , then you go find that song and you play that song and you might notice . Well , okay , I played that song . Like you know , kelly said play the song . So I played the song and , yeah , maybe I now I feel like a nine plus , but I'm still feeling all of that angst . Great , now , what do you need ? Do you need to play the song again ? Do you need to take a walk ? What comes to mind next and ask yourself what do I need to further reduce and feel this current feeling and let it go , to release it ? Do I need to put my hands on my head ? Do I need to put my hands somewhere on my body ? Do I need to put my hands somewhere on my body ? Whatever comes to your mind and again it's usually going to be simpler , easier stuff you do the next thing that comes to mind . There's probably going to be some doubt , some questioning like , oh , maybe this feels silly .

Speaker 1 30:15

One time I was guided to go to a garden store . I had no idea what I was doing in the garden store Beautiful garden store . So I just went and I walked and I looked around . I'm like , why am I here ? I have no idea why I'm here . And then I started noticing the flowers and the plants and the trees . And then I started noticing these really cool garden signs and the one I was drawn to was the sign that said believe . So I went , that's it . That's why I'm here . I'm here to buy the song that sign right now believe . So I grabbed my sign , I went to the checkout line and I'm standing in the line . I'm feeling a little silly that I was guided to a garden store to release some of my sadness and grief . I'm not a gardener , so I'm not a big planter . Now I've got my garden sign that says believe . I'm in line , I'm standing there .

Speaker 1 31:14

And the fascinating thing was there was another woman who saw my sign that said believe . And she's like where did you get that sign ? And I said , oh , you know , I picked it up over there and we started talking . And I started saying just enough to let her know that I had had a loss , and she started sharing back with me about her daughter , how she had lost a baby , and she was sharing that . And I was like , wow , what are the odds that we were both dealing with this raw space in this moment in time ? And she said to me geez , you know , I'd really like to get a sign like that . I'd like to get that sign and bring it to her . As we talked a little bit and she saw that I had picked it up to give me hope and a reminder .

Speaker 1 32:11

When I looked in my outside window , I could see that sign shining back at me saying believe . So , when I would doubt and not believe that I was going to heal or I was going to feel better or I was going to get pregnant again , I would see that sign believe , believe . And so in that moment I said I'll tell you what . I know where the signs are , I'll pay for this sign , you can take this one , and then you buy this one and I will go pick up another one , because I know where they are , I know there's more , and then I'll just leave . So we'll both have paid for the sign . So the check register gets what they need and you can have one without having to hunt it down and I'll go find mine .

Speaker 1 32:59

And in that moment , just talking to that lady and sharing the story and being able to say here , take my sign , take my belief , take it for yourself , I'll go find another one , what in essence happened was now I'm helping somebody else and I'm further feeling better . So , while I didn't know why my instincts were sending me to the garden store . What I discovered is I didn't feel as hopeless , I didn't feel as sad , I didn't feel as much grief . I was starting to shift . And the beauty of it all is I got to help somebody else in the process and that gave me encouragement to keep on moving . Keep on going . Now , sometimes I have followed those intuitive hits and been like , hmm , all right , I was supposed to turn on the music , or I was supposed to go for a walk , or I was supposed to do this . I did it . Eh , nothing's . Usually when I turn the corner and I get the aha moment , I get the shift in the feelings I had .

Speaker 1 34:30

Oftentimes , when we are moving emotions , thoughts , energy , physical symptoms are moving emotions , thoughts , energy , physical symptoms . Oftentimes we get so connected and hooked into an expectation that we have that we're not even present . When we are focused on an expectation of what's supposed to happen next , you won't notice it because you're too busy focused on your expectation versus surrendering to the possibilities , like I surrendered to the possibility of okay , you want me to go to the garden store , I'll go to the garden store . And then all of a sudden I start finding oh , there's somebody I can help . Oh , there's a sign that will make me feel good when I look out my window .

Speaker 1 35:33

All this to say if you want to experience more joy , gratitude , hope in your life , it is so important to be grateful for the anger , the frustration , the fear , the doubts . It is so important to allow yourself to fully feel the emotions that don't feel good . It is so important that , when you do that , you're actually giving your body and your life an opportunity to expand its comfort zone and to feel more of the good stuff and know , maybe right now you're thick in it and it's intense , and you're thinking you don't see your way out of it . What I want you to know is it's one step at a time . I don't think we go from zero to 10 and on the high frequencies when we're deep in it .

Transforming Pain into Purpose

Speaker 1 36:32

What we're doing , though , is , every day , in every way , we're taking a small step , a baby step , to shift from one emotion to the next , and for some of you , it might be every moment of the day . You have to keep taking that baby step to feel a little more hopeful , a little bit more joy .

Speaker 1 37:01

What I can say , though , is know , when we lose somebody special . I think they are with us all the time . The pain of that loss doesn't have to be with us all the time , though , as you slowly shift to feeling grateful , that you can feel sadness , you can feel grief , as you start to feel grateful for the things that are uncomfortable and you give yourself the opportunity to say , okay , I'm going to grow from this , I'm going to learn from this Someday , I'm going to help somebody else from this . When those things happen , you give yourself a new opportunity , a new target to move in a direction maybe you never saw coming . Maybe you never saw coming .

Speaker 1 38:02

I know for myself that when I share with my clients and students about what I've gone through and how I became a holistic practitioner and intuitive life coach , transformation coach , somebody that empowers others , often their first reaction is wow , I'm so sorry you went through that . And then I look back at them and I say and I'm going to say to you you don't understand , the greatest pain in my life gave me the greatest opportunity to transform , to grow , to heal , to discover a whole new world of energy , work and infinite possibilities . In fact , that pain that I experienced , that was so heartbreaking that I thought I'd never get through . It led me to you . It led me to this moment and now , and I am so grateful that in this moment and in this now , I get to inspire you , empower you , help you find your voice , empower you , help you find your voice , help you discover your own inner healer and the awareness of all the things that you need are already within you .

Speaker 1 39:36

So I am so grateful every day that our son , who didn't get to stay here with us , gave me the opportunity to learn how to heal with grace and gratitude . He gave me the opportunity to recognize that every moment in life , whether it's the good moment or the bad moment , is a gift . Life is a gift , no matter how challenging it is , and I'm so tremendously grateful that I got led to you and that I now get to see you , shine you light up and you rediscover you are the light . This is Kelly Goetz , with Gifts and Strange Wrapping Paper .