Embark on an insightful conversation with Susan Morantes, a mother to an autistic son and an integral part of the Dan Marino Foundation. Susan's tale of navigating through the labyrinth of autism is both moving and informative. She takes us through the process of getting her son diagnosed, the challenges they faced in finding a school that could cater to his needs, and the steps she took in helping her son adapt to these changes. Susan's experience offers a beacon of hope and knowledge to anyone dealing with similar circumstances and shines a light on the evolving services for children with autism.
What does it mean to fully understand another's thought process, especially when it differs so widely from your own? Susan opens up about her son's unique mental workings and how she's worked tirelessly to help him grasp the impact of his words. She also highlights her attempts to create a fulfilling social life for him and discusses how a change in diet has positively impacted their lives. It's a journey marked by continuous learning and adaptation, portraying the resilience of parents and families dealing with autism.
Transitioning an autistic child to independence is a subject that cannot be ignored. Susan shares her ongoing struggle in this domain, highlighting her continuous concerns about her son's future. The conversation underscores the importance of a supportive environment and a community that fosters growth for children with special needs. We discuss potential future living arrangements and the importance of finding a place that can provide him with the necessary support and engagement. Join us as we delve deep into this intricate journey of parenting an autistic child, and gain insight into the resilience and dedication required to navigate these complexities.
https://tonymantor.com https://Facebook.com/tonymantor https://instagram.com/tonymantor https://twitter.com/tonymantor https://youtube.com/tonymantormusic intro/outro music bed written by T. Wild Why Not Me the World music published by Mantor Music (BMI)
Embark on an insightful conversation with Susan Morantes, a mother to an autistic son and an integral part of the Dan Marino Foundation. Susan's tale of navigating through the labyrinth of autism is both moving and informative. She takes us through the process of getting her son diagnosed, the challenges they faced in finding a school that could cater to his needs, and the steps she took in helping her son adapt to these changes. Susan's experience offers a beacon of hope and knowledge to anyone dealing with similar circumstances and shines a light on the evolving services for children with autism.
What does it mean to fully understand another's thought process, especially when it differs so widely from your own? Susan opens up about her son's unique mental workings and how she's worked tirelessly to help him grasp the impact of his words. She also highlights her attempts to create a fulfilling social life for him and discusses how a change in diet has positively impacted their lives. It's a journey marked by continuous learning and adaptation, portraying the resilience of parents and families dealing with autism.
Transitioning an autistic child to independence is a subject that cannot be ignored. Susan shares her ongoing struggle in this domain, highlighting her continuous concerns about her son's future. The conversation underscores the importance of a supportive environment and a community that fosters growth for children with special needs. We discuss potential future living arrangements and the importance of finding a place that can provide him with the necessary support and engagement. Join us as we delve deep into this intricate journey of parenting an autistic child, and gain insight into the resilience and dedication required to navigate these complexities.
https://tonymantor.com https://Facebook.com/tonymantor https://instagram.com/tonymantor https://twitter.com/tonymantor https://youtube.com/tonymantormusic intro/outro music bed written by T. Wild Why Not Me the World music published by Mantor Music (BMI)
Speaker 1:
Welcome to why Not Me the World? Podcast, hosted by Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City, usa, nashville, tennessee. Join us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. Show life people who will inspire, and show that you are not alone in this world. Hopefully, you gain more awareness, acceptance and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi, I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to why Not Me the World. Today's guest is Susan Morantes. She has an autistic son and works at the Dan Marino Foundation, so she has a great story to tell us. Thanks for coming on, Susan, oh you're quite welcome.
Speaker 1:
So what age was it that your son was diagnosed autistic?
Speaker 2:
Well, he, my son, was actually diagnosed when he was probably between two and three, with a severe language delay, and then he wasn't, like, really diagnosed with autism until he was four when he saw neurologists. What?
Speaker 1:
was he going through? That made you realize that something wasn't quite right and you had to find out and get a diagnosis.
Speaker 2:
Well, I mean it was, you know, in the beginning it was just the delay in language. He had some words, but not a lot. He had been at the time he was with a babysitter that only spoke Spanish, so the pediatrician was thinking that that was maybe the reason that his language was delayed. But then it soon became pretty clear that he really wasn't picking up the language like he did. At the time I didn't know the other symptoms of autism, I didn't even really know what it was. So looking back I see other things that maybe were there, you know, lining up toys not really engaging with another child, more parallel play. But at the time it was the language delay that was the concern.
Speaker 1:
Okay, and how old is he now?
Speaker 2:
He's now 33.
Speaker 1:
Did he have any other things other than just language? That was a concern for you.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I think. Yeah, I was pretty much, you know, diagnosed with an intellectual disability or, you know, some other kind of developmental disability. Like I said, you know, he was really diagnosed originally with language delay and then it became more. So the only thing that was relevant in my mind at that point was Rain man when he was diagnosed, because that's the only response I had.
Speaker 1:
Sure, I've talked with several people that pretty much said the same thing as you. That was what was in their minds, but now people found out there's so much more than that.
Speaker 2:
Right, right and well, because they really there was no other thing out there about it. We didn't. Now you see more shows with children and adults with autism, but that was not something that was happening at that point.
Speaker 1:
So what went through your mind? That's a lot to cope with when you are new to something, not knowing what it is. I'm sure that there was a lot of things that you had to think about.
Speaker 2:
Well, I was very upset because I really didn't know anybody else that had a child with autism, and so it was tears and then it was okay. Well, what are we going to do? I mean, at that point he was already in a special needs preschool, but it really wasn't meaning his needs, because it was just a large variety of children with different disabilities, some physical, some intellectual, so there really wasn't services that were specific to him at that point.
Speaker 1:
That makes it real tough. So you sat down and thought about different things. I'm sure what was your next step?
Speaker 2:
Well, it just happened at the time that a coworker had read that the damnerino son had autism and you know we were like, oh okay, well then that brings some light to the subject. But we really still didn't have a lot of information and we were fortunate enough, my husband was fortunate enough to be able to meet Dan and from there on, him and his wife Claire were great. I mean, they told us basically what we needed to do, which entailed us moving from Miami, where we basically have lived our whole lives, up to Broward County where there was a preschool called the Boodwin Oral School that was specific to the needs of children with autism. And you know we did that and that made all the difference in how my husband, sean, was doing.
Speaker 1:
Well, that's great to hear, but having to move any move is a pretty big move, especially when you're going to a new area.
Speaker 2:
I mean it's not that it's a long way away, but you know a lot of our support system was in Miami. I mean you're talking on a good day, 30 to 45 minutes. Just having been a live there, you know basically our whole lives. It was difficult up front and go and my daughter at the time was 12. And it was very difficult for her because she'd grown up with a whole group of family and friends that were there. They all went to the same school. You know she had her group of friends, so it was very difficult for her to move into a whole new environment but she did it.
Speaker 1:
That's great, because moving, especially for a kid, is just so very tough.
Speaker 2:
Yes, it was. I mean, it's always going to be a struggle. You always have to advocate for your child. The preschool was amazing, but he was only eligible to be there one year. So then he went on to the typical public school program, but at the time they were starting to get a little bit more number-wide. We still had to drive, you know, probably a good 20, 25 minutes in the morning to get him to the school that had what they called at the time an autism cluster program that was specific for children with autism. Now almost every school has a program for children with autism. So it, you know, goes to the fact that the amount of children being diagnosed has gone up to potentially it sure has.
Speaker 1:
So what age was he during this transition?
Speaker 2:
He was four.
Speaker 1:
How did he handle the changes at that point in time?
Speaker 2:
I mean he did well. He started going out, probably in about third grade, till he'd go to music classes or he'd go to PE, where he was mainstreamed with the typical population, and elementary school that wasn't bad. Sometimes, though, the dependent. We had a principal change in fourth grade and that just changed the whole attitude of the school, where the principal before was definitely more interested in engaging children with autism being more inclusive, to a principal that was not so. They were stuffed in the back in the trailer. So it really wasn't an ideal situation.
Speaker 2:
But at that point he was getting ready to graduate and go into middle school, which was great the first couple of years because he had a. Well, really, the first year he had a shadow, but she let him be very independent, so he was going to basically all mainstream classes. He had a couple that were still in the self-contained, but for the most part he was making his way around the school making some friends. But then the second year he had a different shadow, and while she was great, she just became his only contact. He dropped a pencil, she'd pick it up, she ate lunch with him, she was with him all the time. So we saw that he was, even though he was mainstream, he was becoming less independent.
Speaker 1:
Wow, so what did you do to change and turn that around?
Speaker 2:
So we looked for a private school, which we did find one, where he completed high school and it was okay. It was, he had friends there. That was very small. But at the same time, instead of going being one-on-one, even though he was in a bigger school, he went more into being like a typical classroom of 15 or 16 students. So it wasn't that he was so isolated, although all of the students had some kind of special need or challenge.
Speaker 2:
And then at the end of his schooling I guess he did a well for secondary anyway he did a program called Project Search that was at the zoo in Miami. So that had us move back to much if me for a period of time. And he did that program, which was great, but he it didn't come out with a job at the end. So at that point we had made I was still working in Broward County. We made the decision to move back to Broward and then at the same time was when the Amarino Foundation had started doing more of the employment program. So he had been in all those. And then he actually did graduate from Reno campus and he's now working. He's been working.
Speaker 1:
Well, that's great, so is the speech issue taken care of completely.
Speaker 2:
Oh, yes, yes, yes, he I totally verbal now. There's no incidents of any delay still has a real tough time with social aspects. We prefer to just be at home, be in his room, but we have to push him to come out.
Speaker 1:
So if you push him out, does he get out and do some things and socialize.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, and you know he still. He purchased a base with programs that the foundation runs. He does have one friend that he fads to preschool and they'll go out and do things at some times, but unfortunately the massive majority of time is, you know, it's about with us in the family home. Before COVID he had moved into an independent living community in Lakeland, which was great for almost a year and that certainly did make him much more independent. But then COVID hit and they were having all kinds of issues. My husband has some health issues. I knew that if I left him there that I might not be able to go get him if he got sick, and so we made the decision to come back with the hope that this would all be done in a few weeks, and obviously that's not what happened so at this point. And then he got a job down here. So at this point he's still in the same situation, living at our house.
Speaker 1:
Well, we all thought that situation wasn't gonna last as long as it did, so where's his sister in all this now? Is she still local?
Speaker 2:
Sister Liz and Denver, colorado, with her husband, and I mean that relationship's not great, they don't? You know they see each other several times during the year but they tend to get on each other's nerves. But you know we've had the discussion too that as his dad and I get older, that that's who he's gonna really need to rely on. So we're right now trying to figure out what that all looks like. You know, are we looking at a few years that all of us moving to Colorado to set him up there? There's the housing development similar to the one he was in being built in Miami that hopefully we'll be ready in the next couple of years, if that may be where he's at. Or is there something else that we haven't quite been covered out of?
Speaker 1:
yet. Well, time has a way of showing you what is needed and how it's gonna go. So how is the dynamic between the two of them, and do they get along okay?
Speaker 2:
Well, I mean, I would say probably it was a little better when they were younger. She was the older sister, he was the baby, so now it's just been a little bit. You know, they text every now and then you know when we go on. We had been on a couple of vacations over the summer together with them and they interact then. But again, sometimes it's more adversarial If it is, you know, but it's almost like the sibling kind of typical relationship that you have. But she's always that she's not wrong and that he should be doing more than he's doing, and that's the truth. But just haven't quite figured out what that looks like yet.
Speaker 1:
Well, it just takes time to make things work properly the way you hope they will. What's his day-to-day schedule look like? Is he working now? And if he is, does he like what he's doing?
Speaker 2:
Well, I mean, he's not crazy about the job that he's at, but you know it's a good job and they work well with him there and he works well there. So you know, but when he says, well, maybe I wanna do something else, I go, so well, then you need to work at that, you need to look, you have to figure out what it is that you wanna do and he hasn't really, you know, taking that step. And you know, and again, this where he's at is really great, and so it's hard to say, well, okay, well, try something else. That might not work.
Speaker 1:
And he's been there now over two years, so it's tough to leave a job that treats you right, especially when you don't know what you're gonna get yourself into. What are some of his likes and dislikes in his younger years?
Speaker 2:
His is more you know, probably again you know it's the social, but it also becomes a little bit of a passive compulsive about things, and so you know, it just depends. When he was younger it was Star Wars, like everything was Star Wars, and then you know, I mean baby, baby, it was dinosaurs, you know, and now you know the politics and history which you know tends to cause him angst, depending on what's going on. So I guess it does to all of us. I guess it's not unusual.
Speaker 1:
I've had people tell me that their kids get very focused and will not give up on anything until they know everything there is to know about it and have done so much intense research. Is your son focused like that?
Speaker 2:
He is. I mean, I always tell him you could probably win at Jeopardy, particularly if they had a lot of history, geography, because he just knows everything about that. And I'm like, how do you know a little bit of stuff? And he goes oh well, I research and I read, and he does. But I'm like, how can you like there's sometimes I'll forget to do something, very typical, you know like, oh, I forgot the verse 19,. But then he can remember every president and vice president when they were president, you know, but doesn't the stuff that people generally do every day is not always his strong suit?
Speaker 1:
Sure. So I've also been told that a lot of autistic people are very literal in their thinking. So how is his thought process differ from others around him in the family?
Speaker 2:
I think you know to a fact. I mean, if he has a viewpoint on something, it's very difficult to change that viewpoint and so you know that's one thing. I mean he does understand silent imprints and that kind of thing. So not so much, not really something that I see as much with him.
Speaker 1:
Okay. I've also been told that a lot of autistic children can be very unfiltered and even though that's good in life to say what's on your mind, sometimes it can put us in unique situations that aren't so good. So how is he on his thought process as being filtered or unfiltered?
Speaker 2:
He, that does happen. But we've worked really hard on that because we know, especially these days, that you know you insult somebody or you say something, even though you don't mean it in a harsh way, people are always going to take it that way. So you know, I mean when he was a little guy you know he'd say something like oh, that lady is so fat, or something like that, and we really worked hard on that. You cannot say that that's not. First of all, it's not nice and secondly, you know you say stuff that you think is okay and it's not some other people take exception to and you know, unfortunately that can work out bad for everybody.
Speaker 1:
It can, but it sounds like you've done a good job with them there and that doesn't seem to be an issue at all. How about friends? Does he have any lifelong friends or new friends? What's his social life look like?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I mean, I'd say not real often. You know once a month or so that you know that Andrew will come over and they'll do Legos or play video games or neither one's a big talker, so that's kind of their thing is, they're doing stuff While they're there. You know they sometimes will go to Dave on that stirrup movie, but you know, not as frequent as I would like to see that happen and the like I said with the foundation, we are working now on programming for our alumni and really trying to schedule a lot of different activities that interest people in different things, and so he's just signed up for that. It gets a little bit difficult to do anything during the day because of his work, but we're doing things in the evening. So like he's looking over to the Halloween you know party that will be having here at the end of the month and you know there's other things that will be coming up that I know that will be of interest.
Speaker 1:
That's really great. The more that he can get out and do things, the more social he becomes. Hopefully, that will help him a lot. What are some of the things that he really likes to do?
Speaker 2:
Well, I mean, geography is big, he likes to read about all different countries and he needs to know where everything's located.
Speaker 2:
He's a little bit of a sweetie, so before, when he was younger, he really kind of what we would say he'd only eat beige food. So it was, like, you know, very specific food. We had done a trip back in I think it was 2013 to with a Mediterranean cruise and we're like, listen, you got to learn to eat other stuff and for some reason, that really opened his eyes, or how it I guess, and he started trying new things and now there's really nothing he's afraid of trying. I mean, he eats stuff that I wouldn't even eat, but you know. So he, you know, is very open to that. So that's always a big interest to him in food in different regions. And, yeah, you know, unfortunately, politics as well. But we really try to steer away from that because, again, people don't agree and if you want to, you know, think on your own what you want to think, but to express those views to others not always the best case scenario.
Speaker 1:
So true Sounds to me like the fact that he's doing better with the food is really a plus, because I know a lot of people that say that their sons or daughters just won't eat things because of certain textures. So I think that's great.
Speaker 2:
Right, so you know the food, you know learning about different countries. I mean, that's what we really ask that he focus on.
Speaker 1:
Well, by focusing that way, it sure sounds to me like it would make your life and his a little less uncomplicated.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I mean he really is. It means everything easier, because before it was like, okay, well, go to the restaurant, what's it gonna eat? And they have, you know. And now it's like delete anything. So it's it's like easy.
Speaker 1:
That's just so good. Now, what about clothes? I know that Textures of clothes sometimes can cause some issues. Does that bother him at all?
Speaker 2:
He doesn't. He just prefers to be casual. You know he wears long pants to work. I mean, that's that's what he needs to wear in his job. But he is definite preferences. You know a t-shirt and shorts, but you know it's not like he has any real kind of aversion, aversion to anything.
Speaker 1:
That's really good. That makes things so much easier and purchasing clothes and you don't have to worry about things. What about housing? Now? I know you said that he did live in a place that he was by himself and then, because of the pandemic, you brought him back. Do you see him getting back out there and getting into any housing like he had before?
Speaker 2:
Well, that's kind of what we're trying to figure out now. The, the community it was in before, we did see that that was a good situation for him. You know he was, they had, you know it was more independent, definitely had to do a lot of stuff on his own that he doesn't necessarily have to do at home and they they always had activities going so he go to the activities. Still wasn't the most social butterfly, but you know it wasn't. He couldn't rely on us, you know, to be that social aspect for him.
Speaker 1:
So, now that he's been home, do you think that he'll be ready to get back out there and be independent again, and do you think that he'd be okay?
Speaker 2:
I think you know some of that is, is it? The most difficult thing is just, almost like I said, you know, remembering the small stuff. Like you go to work, you know, make sure that you have your wallet, your badge, your phone, woman, you know, and, and and that's on us too is that we'll say we'll do you have your bath and you have your phone, and so I think it's gonna be a little bit. You know it's got to be training to us as well, but I mean, that's that's the thing you know is being able to be independent. It's just scary that we're not here. What happened? Yeah, so that's where I Think you know and where his sister is definitely a Big part of that is that you know we have to, we have to figure that out. So that's what we're trying to do with figure that out.
Speaker 1:
Well, that's a tough thing, because everyone that I talked with that's the thing that's foremost on their mind is what happens to their child If they're not around. So do you think where he's lived in a community before that, there are communities around your area now that he can move into, adapt and then find a way to move forward.
Speaker 2:
I think that you know, when he was living in Lakeland, that that did give me some hope that that was true. You know, unfortunately, in these communities are really hard, it's hard to sustain it, and so we're, you know, looking at okay, well, do we try to find something in Colorado? Are we looking at this place in Miami? Because we do still have, you know, my, my niece of my grandnie's is with here. So we do have, you know, younger family members and also some friends that that live nearby, that if that was the Outcome, that we would hope that he would be there. But I'll also, I mean, I think that that this particular community is doing things a little bit smarter and realizing that that's what, what, what parents and and the individuals themselves are looking at, that this is where they're going to be. I mean, obviously, the more comfort level is having him closer to his sister. But if there's not a situation there that's going to be beneficial, then you know it might just be this, this situation, but again, it's just don't.
Speaker 1:
We're trying to figure out and I know that every parent looks at that because it's large, you don't know that's so true Because you just don't know whether to to keep him the way it's going, or if you do move him into an apartment or whatever, then you have to be kind of concerned on what his daily routines are going to be, so that he doesn't fall into this rut where he doesn't expand at all. So it is very, very tough, for sure.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, and I mean that's that's been where it's a little bit hard for me, because I, you know that's the thing, I know that he can, if I put him in an apartment, he gets more than likely live independently in his apartment. He could figure out how to get to work, in fact, but that's not all he do and and you know so I really like we need that situation where there's other engagement and you know you go live an apartment. It's not the case typically. You know I was by my husband's aunt is living in Century Village which is like a 55, but they're really set up that okay. Well, you know they're here and then if they need more care, that's there, you know, really, until the end of their life. And I said, I said to Raffi, my husband, I'm like, oh, maybe we should get Sean a condo, but he added doing 55 and it's up when we definitely aren't gonna be in the picture. So you know it's just, it's it's tough it is.
Speaker 1:
I talked with a lot of different people and there's one person here in Nashville that I know. She runs a charity called our place Nashville. What she does is work with autistic people and special needs, trying to get them housing so that they can have that little community of themselves. And it is very, very tough to make that next step and move forward not knowing what the outcome will be.
Speaker 2:
Well, I mean that's. I mean really our focus is trying to figure out what that next step is. And you know, I mean I don't mind having him at home. I mean there's a comfort level there, knowing that he's okay and you know that we can make sure that he's got what he needs. But at the same point, realistically, we know that we're, you know we're not gonna be there, so we've got to figure out what it is. So it's hard, you know. You look at other friends and they're, you know, traveling and doing stuff and not that we can't do that. But you know, most of the time we got to figure out okay, well, can he come with us? Can he not come with us? You know it does change the kind of empty nest versus not empty nest and not knowing when that will be or if it will be. That's a hard but it's a different outlook.
Speaker 1:
It is because, as a parent, you always want your kids to grow up and grow out, but in your situation you always have to worry about where he is, what's going on, is he okay? There's a lot more dynamic there than what the average person has to deal with, so it can be very tough for you. I can surely understand that.
Speaker 2:
Well, yeah, I mean not so much at home, but when he was in Lakeland, when he was at the community, I mean, and it was silly, but it was a Halloween, he was going to the Halloween party and you know he always has his phone with him and he left his phone in his room, right. So it's like I'm calling and calling and calling and calling and I, you know, we had like the little mic, whatever it was, it wasn't moving and I could find. You know, I had no idea where he was. And I called his roommate, the guardian and the whole thing, and she's like, well, I'm not there, but if you don't hear from, let me know I'll go over. You know she goes. I'm going to call some people and see if they see him.
Speaker 2:
And finally, before that all happened, he called back and he goes oh, I was at the you know the party and I just forgot my phone. So that's the only time I really remember being panic. I did a lot with my daughter in college. It just became a thing, you know, with him. It was a different scenario.
Speaker 1:
Sure and totally understandable. You worry because you want the best form and every time that some little thing goes wrong sometimes as human nature has, we think the worst. So now that you've gone through everything that you've gone through, you've adapted, grown, he's grown. You're learning your new steps. What would you tell people that are just starting out what to expect, how to deal with it and what they can do to help themselves and help their child?
Speaker 2:
Well, I think for new parents it's definitely, you know, talking to other parents and support groups and organizations that help people with children to figure out what those resources are that you need to do, because you don't always, that's not always evident.
Speaker 2:
If you go to a pediatrician neurologist, they might hand you a bunch of stuff and say here you are. So I think that that's important. As the child ages into adulthood, then you really need to know all of this thing that he or she needs at 18, what guardianship, what kind of the Medwavers supports, all of those things. You need to learn those resources. And then, as they become adults, it's really the smart thing to get with an attorney and make sure that everything's set up so that if you are not around, if your husband's not around, to make sure that, at least financially wise, that you're in a good spot. The other stuff again still try to figure it out, like where is he gonna live, what's he gonna do, and so it's kind of that progression, but not always. What is the end of the rainbow? Because I didn't think it looked like yeah.
Speaker 1:
Well, those are good things to do, for sure, because everyone is different and every situation is different. So they have to take and plan and make sure that they've got everything under control so that way, if something does happen, they can at least feel good that they've planned well and supported what they needed to do to take care of their children.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I mean, you see it a lot because and everybody says this but when you meet a person with autism, you met one person with autism, because everything is different for each person, even though you think you're like I was there oh yeah, you're kind of like Sean but then there's things that are different and, yeah, it's fascinating but can make life difficult when you're trying to help someone that's got a lot of different needs or things that you really don't know what to do with.
Speaker 1:
Absolutely. That's the most difficult part of being a parent for an autistic child is trying to figure out everything they need and what their needs will be. It's just a never ending process. So I really have to say this has been a great discussion. You've given a lot of great information and I really appreciate you taking the time to come onto my podcast.
Speaker 2:
Oh well, thank you, tony, I do appreciate it as well. The more information people have, the better, absolutely.
Speaker 1:
I totally agree and once again, thanks for coming on. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. We hope that you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know anyone that would like to tell us their story, send them to TonyMantorcom Contact then they can give us their information so one day they may be a guest on our show. One more thing we ask tell everyone everywhere about why not me, the world, the conversations we're having and the inspiration our guests give to everyone everywhere that you are not alone in this world.