Jim Irion: The Unseen Struggle and Triumphs in Adult Autism

When Jim Irion finally pieced together the puzzle of his life after an autism diagnosis at 37, it was akin to finding a missing key to a lock long-closed. 
Our latest episode offers an intimate glimpse into Jim's powerful narrative, highlighting the profound influence a late diagnosis can have on understanding oneself and redefining one’s life path. 
We journey alongside him as he traverses the realities of adult autism, from the daily nuances like tying shoes to the larger life decisions that shape our existence. 
His voice serves as a beacon for others who may be grappling with similar challenges, and his candidness about the mental health battles he's faced is both sobering and deeply impactful.

Through the lens of Jim's experiences, we tackle the complexities that autism weaves into the fabric of daily life. 
He lends us his insights on the delicate balance of expressing oneself while managing the intricacies of neurodiversity. 
Our conversation ventures into the nuances of meltdowns versus tantrums, the weight of career uncertainty, and the importance of recognizing and embracing one's autistic traits. 
Jim's story isn't just about the hardships; it's a resonating message that clarity and empowerment can emerge from the most tangled of situations.

The episode culminates with an empowering discussion on perseverance and the importance of building a resilient support network. 
Jim's reflections on suicide and the coping strategies he has developed offer a lifeline of hope and solidarity to listeners. 
Together with the autistic community and their allies, we underscore the shared commitment to understanding, advocacy, and the unwavering 'Why Not Me' spirit. 
Join us for this heartfelt conversation that promises to enlighten, inspire, and remind you that you're not walking this path alone.

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intro/outro music bed written by T. Wild
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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to why Not Me the World podcast, hosted by Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City, usa, nashville, tennessee. Join us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. We're the life people who will inspire and show that you are not alone in this world. Hopefully, you gain more awareness, acceptance and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi, I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to why Not Me the World.

Speaker 1: 0:55

My guest today is Jim Irion. He was diagnosed autistic later in life. He's here to tell us how that affected him, how that changed his life. Also, he talks about something that society in general just does not want to talk about. It's the second leading cause of death for autistic people around the world, and that's suicide. He will tell us his journey through his life with autism, how it affected him, how he considered suicide, how he tried to commit suicide and now how he is an advocate for the autistic community around the world. Thanks for coming on to tell your story. I really appreciate it. Thank you, tony. Oh, it's my pleasure You've got such a great story. You're an advocate for autism. You found out later in life you're autistic. Tell us a little bit about both, if you would.

Speaker 2: 1:47

As an advocate and a writer, I make sure to tie in years and ages, or if I'm in high school, what grade, so that people can relate to that basic information. For me, nobody had a clue until 2019. And it was probably May or June where my counselor at the time had a hunch. Dialectical behavioral therapy wasn't working for me. I almost I raised my voice to the guy, not in a disrespectful way, but it just was so frustrating and I didn't understand. Here's what I thought I needed employment and companionship and this wasn't going in that direction. And she said I wonder why it's not working. I'm going to have you assess for autism. And I didn't hardly know anything but the name autism and I wanted it to stay that way because I was afraid that it would be biased. I wanted it to be unbiased. If you're going to do it, do it right.

Speaker 2: 2:36

And after an assessment after one month and then going through my psychiatrist and counselors for about two months, they decided yes, I am, as it was said, on the anxiety part of the spectrum, but nobody knew until age 37, two months later I turned 38, because I had been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder at age eight in 1990. And it wasn't until I broke out of that in 2008 that I could begin exploring slowly that there was something more here. I knew there was something else that was wrong, even if you have just a minimal understanding of mental health. In ADD, or as it's known now, adhd. It just didn't seem to fit. So how I got to that point was as rocky as it gets, because, although I live at home, I still do Okay. I couldn't rely on my parents because of their age and the generational gap which is common.

Speaker 1: 3:27

Sure.

Speaker 2: 3:27

In seeking out who I mean. I'm starting literally from scratch. I went to a general practicing counselor for three visits in September of 2016. Okay, that gave me the guidance to explore the volunteer community, but I alienated some of them at the same time as I started, as I refer to modern counseling or conventional counseling that people know, versus 20 or 30 years ago. Right Within six to 12 months, we came upon that realization that I'm autistic, and if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't be talking to you.

Speaker 1: 4:00

Wow.

Speaker 2: 4:02

It was very specific and then afterwards, slowly, more so since 2022, I started realizing oh, I am. And, as they say, that it just made more and more sense. You found more clues and I'm thinking I had hoped one day that whatever these unknown issues, whatever was causing them, would that there might be support of some kind that I can get right in life and get somewhere and move on from this to realize, the more I found out, the more I found out that there wasn't.

Speaker 1: 4:34

Right.

Speaker 2: 4:34

And because of age too.

Speaker 1: 4:36

Yeah. So when you found out and the diagnosis came back, what was your reaction to that? Did you embrace it or did you kind of say no, no, I don't think it is? How did you react?

Speaker 2: 4:47

And that's good because within the last year I can answer that question versus before.

Speaker 1: 4:51

Okay.

Speaker 2: 4:52

Initially, what happened was what's this on the list? What's this? Autism spectrum disorder?

Speaker 1: 4:58

Right.

Speaker 2: 4:58

I had a co-volunteer who was a program coordinator. He said there's really no services for adults with autism. Okay, that was bad enough and one of the big needs of my life is companionship. That within I'd say, three or four months attending lucky to have a local autism support group for adult age, and research was shared that one in three autistic people find companionship and that's not very good odds. So that was very depressing and I'm surrounded by people who need to be positive about it or struggling, and people who want you to be.

Speaker 1: 5:30

Right.

Speaker 2: 5:31

And want you to be right now.

Speaker 1: 5:33

Right.

Speaker 2: 5:33

So I had to bury it. I had to, and I didn't know this until I think, technically it was July of 2022 or June of 2023, not very long ago.

Speaker 1: 5:45

Right.

Speaker 2: 5:45

And then I was in denial. Okay that I moved on to something I couldn't get around. I'm understanding autism piece by piece, like falling leaves and not seeing the tree.

Speaker 1: 5:55

Sure Sure.

Speaker 2: 5:57

And it was more traumatic once I uncovered that, because how that happened was I started asking the right questions when I looked up a support group for a nonprofit mental health nonprofit I'm a member of, okay and that debated is autism neurological or not? And it doesn't belong, it shouldn't get any assistance. So I asked the right questions and I found out thanks to another two go on, two, go on tears in the community that autism was neurological and developmental.

Speaker 1: 6:27

Right.

Speaker 2: 6:27

So when I saw my questions I realized wait a minute this affects and this is still answering that question this affects more, a lot more than I thought. Sure, when I got to that point it was June I was given a presentation opportunity. It still really hadn't set in. So in July, when I finished the first draft of that and I had it in writing in one place condensed, I had 24 hours where mostly I just shut down.

Speaker 1: 6:55

Okay.

Speaker 2: 6:55

I went numb but I didn't understand why. And so June of 2023, when I'm going back over there, I'm saying well, I didn't process this, is it identity crisis? And when I did, I haven't an hour long bit of that 24 hours I had the year before.

Speaker 2: 7:12

Okay, I just started crying, just uncontrollably. I finished the paragraph about that realization. And what did I go through? Right after I was diagnosed? And I cried. I was next one. I had someone, a friend, on Twitter, who console me. But and I just realized, not only was I diagnosed late, the damage it had done to my life was pretty serious.

Speaker 2: 7:32

Right and may have touched off. I'm in the righting to be assessed for post-traumatic stress because I've had an increase of stress considerably since June of last year and it may have reached, briefly, a nightmare level. Wow at a nightmare when I was working on my holiday journey experiment this holiday season. On the 29th I just woke up absolutely terrified. Okay, and there was no, no origin for that fear, right? So it's been quite rocky since June.

Speaker 1: 8:01

Okay, all right. So you was diagnosed when you's 37, 38, so what was your formative years like? I talked with one lady that they found out in the inner 30s and I talked with another one that found out in her 40s. She started looking back at things that had happened in her earlier years and then it took her a while. Then, when she heard her 50s, she started actually living, she said. She said I lost four decades. So how was your formative years? Did you know something was different, wrong, just couldn't put a finger on it. How did that go for you?

Speaker 2: 8:32

First a quick comment with see the loss of the 40 decades. I think mine is about 20 or 30. Okay, all this time and realizing it's almost like you're you so consciously connected the patterns of something's not right here, something's not right there. In Certain things I did like with a best friend, it did twice and I think why did I do that? Right or I would just spit out something that I was thinking and I'm asking myself, before I even get her upper management teacher, why did I say that?

Speaker 2: 8:57

Right, Okay but one of the earliest examples and it's for me it's Processing that bit by bit, piece by piece, because it's it's so long ago. Even it, I mean if it would have been at 37, 38, it's it's so many years ago. Yeah, and I had a lot of bullying in school. I repressed a lot of that. So there's a lot I don't remember and I have to piece it together.

Speaker 2: 9:17

Okay but one of the first clues was fourth grade, same as that example. First spit it out. That's really what I said was I was given an assignment, the class was here's your card, do a presentation explaining what it was. And mine was how to tie your shoes.

Speaker 2: 9:35

Okay that was so difficult because it was something so easy and taken for granted to do that it. It probably caused a some sort of a meltdown or a panic attack because I freaked out at home. When I'm trying to write it, okay, I'm thinking why is this so hard? I couldn't, couldn't explain the way that made sense because it was something so simple. Sure, I presented to the class and it was confusing and it almost seemed to have been. It's not like a mini traumatic episode From presenting it, because not only is you're up in front of your peers, right, you given something that you, I, had a lot of trouble doing. That wasn't just what's one plus one equals two. It's something that involves comprehension. Sure, it's piece by piece and it literally been no pattern. It's one of my looking at in my life. I was diagnosed with chronophobia, a share of time related stressors, the same time as I was diagnosed as autistic Autistic okay and September.

Speaker 2: 10:31

I'm thinking, well, that's something I didn't connect, I just shoved it to the side, right, okay, does that involve anything to do with autism? I sat down and thought my way through it. I have gone through my life with the career indecision issues that I had in in an article. One year ago I went back a little bit further and did it again, taking into consideration these insents of where I was. I had Episodes of crying that seemed trauma involved, right, and it actually went back to, I think, the summer before I started junior high.

Speaker 2: 11:02

It was 94 okay a probably mid teens, and I kept on going through to the present, I realized not only is there in issues of indecision, there's instances where I had breakdowns. Between 94 and I did this to my counselor when I had the R dynasty go back to this section and and and count how many times it looks like there's a traumatic episode okay, how many you have? And between 94 and 2001 not very much time, but that's junior, senior, high, early college, right, live. Wow, she counted five and I said, yeah, that's how many I was, because I wanted to make sure I got her opinion Without being biased about it, right?

Speaker 2: 11:40

right and that was a minimum. Okay what I can remember after so much time and how many there have been since then. It's probably more than I've had. I've definitely more than I've had four instances experiences with suicide okay.

Speaker 2: 11:52

Contributing a plan and two instances of furtherance, that it could be 20, it could be 30, 40, 50, because you're masking, you know your, your decision issues, your interest, your monotropism. Right tried to blend in because what do we do? We don't have a choice. Right will automatically, people automatically will mask anyway. But for us, well, why didn't I say that? And you're masking it, why did I think that? That didn't seem right? Anybody looked at me. Or then you're masking it and for you know it's. You can't tell when you're doing it okay.

Speaker 1: 12:20

So how did that affect your family life? Did your parents think there was something going on? Did you have any conversations about that? You brought up meltdowns. There's a difference between a meltdown and just be having a tantrum. Did your parents understand, or how was your home life that way?

Speaker 2: 12:35

during my youth. Yeah, yeah, during while you was in school, high school everything was saying having that 1990 Diagnosis of ADD and AJ.

Speaker 2: 12:43

That's all everybody saw okay because that was through specialist care. So for that instance in fourth grade I think I don't know if they had detention that early, but it was something my parents need to be called about. And you know I thought why did I do that? And that's the same thing. They thought, well, that must be ADD. And yet If you had sat down and thought your way through it, it never went to make sense right so it was always well, he's having these, these communication issues.

Speaker 2: 13:09

I had a psych out and covered a couple months ago the the old paperwork for it. In that year, 94, with a small, I had issues. I wasn't aware of it. Okay, it's, it's confusion on the part of my classmates that are around me, friends as well as my, my parents, because I have a, a sibling who may be and it was looking at. We're raising these kids, but why are they having these issues?

Speaker 2: 13:33

Some frustration, difficulty it is not easy being a parent of autistic kids, right, right, so it was. I mean a really a lot of confusion and and no solid awareness until Much later in life. Now I'm not as impaired as some to need to be set in a in a side room or Having trouble with what you're wearing or the texture of what you're wearing, as much as something that causes a lot of disruption. Okay, but maybe that was balanced by the fact you just didn't know what it was. And what are these issues? What was something there? We don't know what it is and it's ongoing, just frustration of well, it's not working, but we'll just keep doing this. And if you don't know, then at what point being now, you have to bridge that gap in order to deal with the problem, and if you don't know it, you're not going to be dealing right.

Speaker 1: 14:20

So once you got out of high school, you mentioned college. Did you go to college too Twice? What was your major?

Speaker 2: 14:28

Originally it was, and this is following. Masking that indecision and not following the monotropism was I started with what I graduated in, engineering degree prep.

Speaker 1: 14:38

Okay.

Speaker 2: 14:39

In mechanical engineering technology. But after the first semester and the second one, spring of 2001, they had a math course that was intended to weed people out who weren't serious about being an engineer. Well, I'm not good at math. I got weeded out. That burst my bubble.

Speaker 1: 14:55

Okay.

Speaker 2: 14:56

It led me to just pick something so I don't graduate, or just drop out and then graduate with liberal arts degree, arts letters, art sciences, art history.

Speaker 1: 15:06

Okay.

Speaker 2: 15:07

Not in the script. It wasn't going to get me anywhere and we'll get to what that caused a little bit later.

Speaker 1: 15:12

Okay.

Speaker 2: 15:13

I was like I'm not going to graduate because there was suicide involved a year after I graduated All right. So I went back after I worked, earned enough money to pay for the tuition myself. I went back in 2008 to 2010. I finished when I started, but if you really look at it very closely, I didn't start anything. There was no decision, no definitive attachment. I had been masking that whole time.

Speaker 1: 15:34

All right.

Speaker 2: 15:35

So I graduated with a bachelor's of arts degree in history and a criminal justice minor.

Speaker 1: 15:39

Okay.

Speaker 2: 15:40

So I started having that path and investment, and it's nothing that some people may see as trivial or silly. It really is. If I'm doing something that somebody is guiding me to do, that they kind of want, you're going to be empty and that's cool. It's going to get bigger the longer time passes. Or if it's just a regular job and not some big career you're going to, it's going to pull you down more over time.

Speaker 1: 15:59

Okay.

Speaker 2: 16:00

Though there was a lot of indecision issue with that. That the first time I was at college touched on suicide once. The second time was actually a break. I felt fine, it's like okay, I'm doing this. But when I graduated then everything came right back to where it started, as if it never stopped, and the stress was there. So there's a lot of indecision I'm aware of. As far as monotropism, that's an issue for me going to college and not knowing about autism at all.

Speaker 1: 16:25

All right Now. You just brought up a topic that's really tough for a lot of people to talk about. When people talk about it, they tend to think a little more morbid than they should, but it's one that needs to be talked about because there are other people out there that's going to be going through situations like you've gone through, or they may be going through it like you have. So you mentioned suicide. You've attempted suicide. How many times? Twice, once, once. Okay, what led to that thought process for you to lead to you that you didn't want to be here anymore?

Speaker 2: 16:59

That's a very good question because it allows me to share the very specifics with autism, because until I understood autism, I couldn't apply this answer.

Speaker 1: 17:08

Okay.

Speaker 2: 17:09

In that we commonly think in a very analytical way, yeah, logic. And I believe that in my case I remember about a year or two before I wasn't necessarily a suicidal, but I was getting close and how I described my life was and I quoted it since then was if I cannot decide whether or not to live my life, no one can make that decision for me.

Speaker 1: 17:31

Okay.

Speaker 2: 17:32

So I think that your political is very cold. You're painting yourself in a corner. Why Nobody could figure it out? I don't think I really told anybody at the time. Anyway, Okay.

Speaker 2: 17:41

And so I have to be the one to do that and I'm painting myself in a corner. That I think makes made it more susceptible for me to not relate to someone else before I did. It's harder after, because then you're different. You seem to feel like you've changed, right, but before I couldn't relate to anybody. Anyway, as well as being autistic and not knowing and realizing I may be alienating half the people I know in my life.

Speaker 1: 18:05

Okay.

Speaker 2: 18:06

And so I'm there. I mean, I got to the point and for some who are autistic, they may overshare, they may be unfiltered about the very specifics of suicide and having my survival story published in 2020. I know to be careful with that. I know also for some hard experience. Sure, it really doesn't matter what the details are of the act.

Speaker 1: 18:28

Yes.

Speaker 2: 18:29

It's important to know why did it happen and then finding some way to recover. Now I've had one attempt experience and I've had three others that I consider because, having been through them, I realized after the fact because it takes a lot of time, took a lot of time for me to take it seriously Okay that there's more than just the touch.

Speaker 1: 18:46

Right.

Speaker 2: 18:47

If you consciously harm yourself in a serious way, but it doesn't put your life in danger, that's a serious issue. It's also indicative of a decline, that something's not being addressed properly.

Speaker 1: 18:59

Okay.

Speaker 2: 19:00

So I contemplated a plan, having the economic integration issue. Not knowing I was autistic. I had that up to about 2013 and my 2014. After college, the second time when I'm working temp jobs because the housing market had crashed, I decided okay, here's a serious plan. I'm going to do this if A or B doesn't work out, if I don't find a path through life in the next six to 12 months and the next six months later in 2015, april, I got a job. Now it was tech trouble shooting through direct TV at a call center, and I had that for a year. When they fired me a year after that, in June of 2016, the last job, I had everything picked up or it left off again, like after I graduated college the second time.

Speaker 1: 19:47

Okay.

Speaker 2: 19:47

Okay, ok, I did make a plan in 2014. That's technically a relapse. I need to take that seriously, because here I am again facing it happening a third time.

Speaker 1: 20:01

Okay.

Speaker 2: 20:02

So that was contemplating a plan, but not like hacking your bag or anything. It's still, I consider, serious because it can go to something worse. And the worst did happen in 2018 and 2021, 2018, after I got alienated from the volunteer community and that meant a lot to me to help myself and help others. That triggered what I refer to as an act of suicide furtherance, where it's not an ideation, but it's more than ideation thinking the thoughts of what happens. But it's not an attempt that puts you in life at risk. It puts you in that situation. You can't.

Speaker 1: 20:39

Okay.

Speaker 2: 20:41

I was in a physical location where I could and I sat there and tried to cope with it on my own. Okay, not the best idea to do. And it happened again when I was accused of misconduct and it was actually missing social cues, oversharing and being unfiltered. In 2021, I was an employment service provider. The print was ended the nine months I had services with them, right, I went back and did it again and I realized that, more so than the plan is very serious because people think, oh, there's an attempt when you think about it. No, there's not. There's a clear progression to gray area that if you end up in that situation, it's probably even easier than not reporting your attempt. It's easier to dismiss, while I had an instance of suicide, furtherance, but that's a big red flag. And even if you're asked by a care provider, are you suicidal today? That doesn't stop the problem.

Speaker 1: 21:30

So, in other words, basically what led up to your suicide attempt was a period of time you thought about it. Things change and you thought about it again. So it was like one of those things that the more you contemplated it, the easier it became to become a reality.

Speaker 2: 21:47

For the attempt it was.

Speaker 2: 21:49

That was more so in 2003, at age 21, I believe Okay, and I've actually. That brings to mind something that I found out within the last year, someone else Now, though I'm learning this, looking back 20 years ago, I found somebody who was late diagnosed autistic in their early 20s, who had a similar experience, specifically with college. We both and I'll say them together, we both had significant indecision with what to do as far as a career, an employment path forward. We couldn't decide, and that was seriously disrupted our mental health. We had no path forward economically, what to do or even maybe regular employment. There was just there was a gap of what I had when I graduated. We both graduated with liberal arts degrees that that wasn't enough. It wasn't going to get us anywhere or where our interests were, and we had instances of traumatic stress mine not knowing too much about hers, mine was. I went to see a movie just mid-December of the 2002 when I graduated and I had an episode, by at least a minimum of an hour, of just crying out in my car afterwards.

Speaker 1: 23:00

Okay.

Speaker 2: 23:00

And it seemed like a release, a serious pressure release of stress, traumatic stress. The attempt was seven months later, in July, okay, and she got connected with her interests in recent months now at that, probably about early to mid-20s age, and now she's five.

Speaker 1: 23:19

That's great to hear.

Speaker 2: 23:20

But with me I wasn't. And what happened was? It ended up peaking as a suicide attempt.

Speaker 1: 23:26

Wow.

Speaker 2: 23:27

And so I think we see similar, similar experiences and almost identical age group. So, as well as being a male example and a female example, because women often manifest their autism differently yes, this similarity and such a detailed example, I think, was very important. It's one of the things that I'm trying to get out, that it just it wasn't just like a peeing attack, like, oh my gosh, this is going to happen and you get overwhelmed. There's a lot more to it for that attempt.

Speaker 1: 23:58

So how old was you and what year was it your attempt?

Speaker 2: 24:02

It was July of 2003. And I believe I was 21. Okay, all right, because I was 21, I think in the up to the year before 18, before I graduated.

Speaker 1: 24:12

All right. So now, once you attempted, how long did it take you to get back to what seems normal to you?

Speaker 2: 24:20

To be honest, I'm not sure if I have.

Speaker 1: 24:22

I was hoping that I would be wrong. I thought that just might be your answer.

Speaker 2: 24:26

I've got back to. I've risen from that, I've learned a lot about that, reflected on it. But if we consider suicide is a serious issue and there's more to it than just an attempt or an ideation, then I've had four. It's not four attempts, but it's a problem that it's still ongoing and I'm not going to say that. Some people think those who have attempted or try to seek attention or they threaten that I'm going to harm myself to get somewhere, far from the truth. It's more like a cry for help. But I am on the cusp of the potential and I want to stress that again the potential for a fifth incident, because the issues that caused four ties before haven't been resolved.

Speaker 1: 25:08

What needs to be resolved to help your thought process.

Speaker 2: 25:11

A lack of social integration. Economic integration because of my late diagnosis, no accommodations for that in the decision. Issue was employment and I missed so many milestones. Then the social integration goes with it.

Speaker 1: 25:23

So what do you do now so that you don't go back to those thoughts of thinking about suicide again?

Speaker 2: 25:32

That's probably an everyday question that I constantly although I'm not employed and trying to resolve that, to get employed every day, whether I have appointments or not, it's constantly distracting from thinking about thoughts like that or I'm 42, I'm unemployed for seven years, I'm not going anywhere. Specific examples that are good in their own right, good for something that's not suicide or autism related, but are important for me because it gets me through, as they say, to get just to get by each day, is I listen to music. I mix playlist. Music is very important to me because, although I am legally blind 21,000. My sense of hearing took a greater precedence as far as my senses, so I appreciate music as well as the kind that I listen to. I play some puzzle games a heyday farming game app. That's cooperative. You can help people instead of having your, your tout or base looted or your castle destroyed. You can work together as a chat system. You can cooperate with people and years 10, 11 years playing that and building friendships.

Speaker 1: 26:35

Okay.

Speaker 2: 26:36

Watching, I said aside, if I have something in the afternoon, then I I have a period in the evening, or if I have nothing for the day, I watch in the afternoon and evening at least once or twice Entertainment, and I've embraced that so much that I've watched some things that people may not even think of, that are engaging for my interest as well as distracting from from the issues of my life. And I watched video game play throughs of games that I Played I haven't played, sure that are done in a serious way that I it's like somebody playing it for me. I can just sit there and watch quality gameplay.

Speaker 1: 27:08

Okay.

Speaker 2: 27:09

I grew up with that.

Speaker 1: 27:10

All right. So do you have a good support system around you now that helps you navigate through the challenges that you have on daily basis?

Speaker 2: 27:18

Kind, of social support network is really very spotty, if at all, because it's going from. Basically all that's left Is one person to the next. People have busy lives, commitments, families is a big one. Sure, I don't have a family. If I did, I would have that either daily responsibility and or that, that compassion connection. I don't so, and it's just. It's a serious issue I think people don't take for granted right to get on the mental health profession is.

Speaker 2: 27:45

I have counseling and I did have Security and trying the medications. I've tried just six or seven years and not really getting any out of them. So it was that case management isn't sure really to to function, to get you to Somewhere for employment, to help your, your finances and your financial assistance. So it comes down to counseling that I have one hour if I get it once a week.

Speaker 2: 28:07

Okay, I just came from having, right after Thanksgiving, having a counseling appointment on December 6th and this is last year December 6th and because they overloaded her schedule, there was a four-week gap that turned into five after we had. They went to storm a couple weeks ago, five weeks Then I went backwards and I told them that wow that I'm I'm in a very serious point.

Speaker 2: 28:29

We can start working on maintenance stuff now that I have my support needs right whatever you end up doing these last two weeks is Well, they're still not taking the accommodation seriously that I've requested. So you got to realize one hour week, how many hours for sure week there are, and how many hours and days there are for a year right like 52 hours for an entire year, as I've worked in math out right For a counselor once a week. Every week I don't have every week. I just had five weeks of a gap.

Speaker 2: 28:56

Yeah so you're one of my really getting out of it. Now, I'm not saying there's nothing to get out of counseling or therapy. There is right, I got right. I'm understanding autism, in part because of it. But not only you have to deal. Is that more responded with responsibilities on you? Or, no matter how good your counselor is, you're only seeing them for one hour a week, right? If you do so, right, some cases with autism. I'm not sure if it's helping for everybody. They might I have a counselor that really is sensitive to their autistic needs, and those needs are different yes, more pronounced than someone who isn't. So the profession hasn't gotten there yet.

Speaker 1: 29:30

Okay, now you're an advocate for autism. What do you do To put the word out there, to help people? Do you have groups that you work with that helps you get the word out there so you can bring more awareness and acceptance and, of course, understanding to autism?

Speaker 2: 29:48

Yes and no. I do value and Lately I'm amazed that I have a mask, a thousand followers. I used to be mostly on Facebook, where you hardly have anybody, or, if it's, if you're, as they say, shadow man. But getting the word out, I have my writing on medium right and I can provide a good reading list for the most essential information.

Speaker 2: 30:09

Okay articles that you can share when you share this podcast. However, as far as getting it out and being a futurist and seeing right away, even a year ago, serious problems with the inconsistency in research and public available autism research, where you look at and you think this is 18 or 21. That's not me, or it's mostly impaired. That's not me, and it is like a bell curve. We're in the middle, where the greatest part of the curve is. That may be on either side. So I feel I always push myself to find ways to get it out. You know, tweeting different, different methods of doing tweets.

Speaker 2: 30:46

Okay, good, I'm driven by that and knowing the need and the desire to help and knowing the severity of these issues, I have two informal Series that have gotten a lot of positive attention. Because informal, I'll have a PhD. But one PhD researcher Said that she found that it was. I've been trying to figure that out in therapy for years. Good, oh my gosh, that's a PhD saying this now that I have value. But I've stumbled onto something. I've connected the pattern that were really good at pattern recognition. Right, it's important people to see. Well, what's that autistic Chronophobia pointing out is that you're gonna feel that time is running out right because you're. You're fearing that you're not Integrating with society soon enough and you'll have the stresses like end of the year, your birthday.

Speaker 2: 31:31

The second theory is monotopia is an employment theory, with the issues that I mentioned about in decision right they inhibited my ability to choose something and that inhibited my economic integration right up to today and will the days after, every single day until it's fixed, and that it kind of highlights. They is the importance that this is. This can be really hard and I might have it favorable that compared to some, but have me Hard in my own right okay that I'm still not just wanting to give up, give in to suicide.

Speaker 2: 32:01

Okay, it's trying to solve the problem. It's a sense of a justice, sensitivity, that this has been my life. I'm a primary source with lived experience and in research that's the best research they can get right. Try to do something about it, like you are with the podcast.

Speaker 1: 32:16

Yeah, okay, so this has been great, great conversation. You've given a lot of great information. Hopefully somebody this listener, this can get something from it that will help them or help some others. What would you like to leave for a final comment about suicide or autism that could help others?

Speaker 2: 32:35

for the many things I've known to come up with, I have that sometimes as simple as few words Can be as effective as many one word persists. I'm gonna be doing a proprietary presentation in a couple months for a senior high-age group in high school that, no matter what, persist, you're gonna face these challenges in life that are going to be. They're gonna be hard, it's gonna take courage, it's gonna take strength. You're gonna feel that if there's no way forward and I feel that from time to time, even in recent years, my issues aren't resolved and it's easy to just think I can't do this. But get a decent night of sleep, wake up the next day, give tomorrow a chance and persist.

Speaker 2: 33:17

Even those who aren't autistic could be helping, as you are, can be valuable sources of information About well, why am I feeling the stress at the end of the year? Oh, here's a theory. And then I'm thinking I never thought I'd ever do that. Well, push you sounds further that you have valuable experience as well as valuable wealth of Humility and humanity as a person. It's hard, but some of us are here, like Tony and I, trying to make sure we can do everything that we can because we've been there.

Speaker 1: 33:44

I believe this is something that people need to hear, and I think you're gonna help a lot of people with it.

Speaker 2: 33:49

I really appreciate you coming on and I appreciate the opportunity to honey. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1: 33:53

It's been my pleasure. Thanks again. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. We hope that you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know anyone that would like to tell us their story, send them to Tony Mantor, comm Contact, then they can give us their information so one day they may be a guest on our show. One more thing we ask tell everyone everywhere About why not me, the world, the conversations we're having and the inspiration our guests give to everyone Everywhere that you are not alone in this world.