Dr. Ashley Ruba's Candid Reflections on Life with Autism and ADHD

Have you ever wondered what it's like to view the world through a neurodiverse lens?
 Dr. Ashley Ruba, a developmental psychologist, peels back the curtain on her life with autism and ADHD, offering a rare glimpse into the delicate tightrope walk of managing the need for structure against the quest for new experiences. 
Through her eyes, we navigate the nuanced interplay of social dynamics, the pursuit of academic excellence, and the personal strategies that make day-to-day life both challenging and rewarding. 
With Ashley's expertise and candid storytelling, our conversation becomes a beacon of understanding for anyone touched by the complexities of neurodiversity.
As we traverse the landscape of social connections and creativity, Ashley's story unfolds, revealing the magnetic pull of her direct communication style and how it shapes relationships in her new home of Seattle. 
Discover how a neurodiverse mind approaches friendships, creativity, and the balancing act of dealing with depression alongside the mental whirlwind of ADHD.     

From the power of music and movies in focusing a creative mind to the invaluable role of therapy in supporting mental health, Ashley's journey is a testament to resilience, self-acceptance, and the rich tapestry woven by life's varied threads. 
Join us for an episode that celebrates the beauty of the human spirit and the courage to embrace your authentic self.

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intro/outro music bed written by T. Wild
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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to why Not Me, the World podcast, hosted by Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City, usa, nashville, tennessee. Join us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. We're the life people who will inspire and show that you are not alone in this world. Hopefully, you gain more awareness, acceptance and a better understanding for autism around the world Music. Hi, I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to why Not Me the World. Today's guest is Dr Ashley Ruba. She earned her PhD in Developmental Psychology. For over a decade she studied how young children learn about other people's emotions in order to design programs that improve children's social skills. She just recently found that she was diagnosed with both autism and ADHD. She's got a tremendous story and I'm just happy to have her. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 2: 1:21

Oh yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:22

My pleasure. So I understand that you help a lot of people with PhDs, and some of them are autistic as well, so can you expand on that some?

Speaker 2: 1:33

I guess like I inadvertently, but I'm actually like I am. Well, I recently was diagnosed with autism, about three months ago. I'm actually like an engineer at a medical device company, but I got my PhD in Developmental Psychology, studying social and emotional development, so it was very like. Once I started putting the pieces together for myself, I was like how did I miss this?

Speaker 1: 1:55

Yeah. So I guess my first question would be what led you to get diagnosed or led you to believe you might be autistic?

Speaker 2: 2:06

Yeah, I mean, that's a good question. Okay, so I have like a pretty big following on Twitter but also on LinkedIn, and I think I just I'd seen a couple of people posting about having ADHD which I was also diagnosed with at the same time and I remember reading these posts and thinking like, oh, that's so funny, like that sounds like me.

Speaker 1: 2:25

Okay.

Speaker 2: 2:27

And then I was commenting on these posts and people were like you know, you might want to consider just like bringing this up to a therapist, and I was like, okay, but being me and being a researcher, I started like digging into a lot of like just googling a lot of things and reading a lot of things and was reading about presentations of like autism and ADHD in like women and non binary people in particular and how that's missed, right. Yeah, I think like I mean one of like the big reasons was I had been feeling like really, really burnt out and I was, like I just mentioned, because the summer I just pushed myself so hard socially I think I like hit a stage of autistic burnout and didn't really realize it, but I was mostly. I changed careers recently and was having a really hard time focusing at work, so I was exploring the ADHD diagnosis primarily, but then I knew that they tended to co-occur, so I was just kind of reading into it more.

Speaker 1: 3:24

Okay.

Speaker 2: 3:25

And then I think what finally did it was I took this camouflaging autistic traits questionnaire the cat queue and I scored very high on it and I was like, oh, I didn't realize that all of the things that I did personally were not like universal human experiences.

Speaker 1: 3:44

Okay.

Speaker 2: 3:44

But then I just it all started making like a lot more sense as I read more and started putting the pieces together.

Speaker 1: 3:52

Now you say that your ADHD. I just recently spoke with a lady that says she's ADHD and autistic as well. Yeah, she says the dynamic of it is that her ADHD will pull her one way and then our autism will pull her another way. So I asked her how she cope with it. So how do you cope with it? Because evidently it's something new to you and you're just figuring it out. So what's your thought process on that?

Speaker 2: 4:17

Yeah, I mean I think I can see how I like engineered my life too. I don't have to have like like I'm someone who I really like familiarity and routine and so I have like a lot of that and like a lot of structure in my life.

Speaker 1: 4:32

Sure.

Speaker 2: 4:33

I think like how I've coped with everything has been through academic achievement and through just like making myself so busy and so challenged that I feel that's like when I feel the most motivated to work, when I'm like working against a deadline or Right. It's like otherwise like urgent, or I'm like really intellectually engaged in what I'm doing. So I think it's just I just like managed to have like the right combination of things to where I will just get like hyper focused on things that I'm really interested in, which happened to be all academically related.

Speaker 1: 5:02

Okay.

Speaker 2: 5:03

And so I think that's why it was like missed for so long. But I do, I don't know, I do. I do feel like the tension between like wanting new things and also wanting like familiarity and structure. Right, I do, I do feel, I do feel that tension.

Speaker 1: 5:19

Oh, that's that's interesting. So you say that you, you get focused on on what you're doing. Is that part of the autism that really creates you to focus on everything and and just over analyze, or or do you just focus and really dig in to find out what's going on? How do you relate to that?

Speaker 2: 5:36

Yeah, I mean it's. It's hard to know whether it is like the ADHD or the autism, because I think, like my, like my special interest right now is very much around like I just started like a coaching business, so it's around like coaching and content creating, so I'm learning about sales and marketing and all these other entrepreneurial things.

Speaker 1: 5:55

Right.

Speaker 2: 5:55

And that's like very fascinating, so like I could, I could do work on that like all day. So that that's how, like that, that manifests like in terms of, in terms of focusing. But I think I'm also someone who I am very hyper aware of people's like social and emotional cues, like small changes in people's behavior, and so I find myself like fixating on those things so I can tell if someone is upset or upset with me if they just say like a word and a slightly different tone. And it's very hard because I just like see patterns.

Speaker 1: 6:27

Right.

Speaker 2: 6:27

Everywhere, and so it's hard to know whether that's like my autistic self trying to like fit in and like figure out how other people are like behaving.

Speaker 1: 6:37

Right, yeah, a lot of people that I've spoken with that are autistic say that they are very literal. They have sometimes issues looking at people. If they tell a joke, they might not get it or they might overthink it. Has that affected you at all?

Speaker 2: 6:54

The, the literal thinking. I thought I was just kind of this funny quirk of mine because there were some plays on words that just like went right over my head, like I didn't, I took things literally and didn't see like a double meaning in them.

Speaker 1: 7:05

OK.

Speaker 2: 7:06

But in terms of humor, I noticed it most often, like with my, with my partner, because his sense of humor is very deadpan. So people just say things and a completely serious tone of voice and I'm like I, I will just like believe him because there's no, there's no like indication that he's joking. Right, and I've since learned that. I'm like wait, are you, are you joking? Because I just like I can't tell.

Speaker 1: 7:30

Right.

Speaker 2: 7:31

But I think where this has gotten me into trouble is like I will just take people at their word and so if someone tells me something and it's not true, but it's something that they think I want to hear, I will just believe them, because I don't like assume that people are lying to me like that. And I think there's also been times where people have told me things I wanted to hear or they like they were more passive, aggressive and they're passive in their communication and I didn't read in between the lines and then they got like very upset with me because their communication wasn't direct and I just wasn't like assuming that if someone wanted something they wouldn't just like tell me.

Speaker 1: 8:10

Sure, sure. Now, what about your younger years? Because you know, autism is not something that just comes on You're, you're born with it. Yeah, and typically, especially in females, when they don't know what's going on, they'll mask it, they'll do different things, they'll try and fit in, but then when they hit their teens and their hormones and and all that coming in, it really will hit them in a different ways and sometimes it can cause depression. It can cause, you know, all kinds of things far as emotions. Did you go through any of that?

Speaker 2: 8:41

Oh yeah, I think when I was like really young, I was a pretty shy child but it was very interesting school, very motivated by school, but I think when I started really having trouble socially was in was in middle school I was getting bullied by a couple of people and to the point where, like by the time I got to high school, I was like I think it would just be better if I didn't say anything, and then people wouldn't like make fun of me.

Speaker 1: 9:06

Right.

Speaker 2: 9:06

And so I became like very introverted. Only had like a few friends went through undergrad. I went to Duke for undergrad and really just like went hard into school because that felt really something I was really good at.

Speaker 1: 9:19

Okay.

Speaker 2: 9:19

And I really only maybe had like a friend or two. And it wasn't until I moved out to Seattle and I started dating someone who he was just like I think it'd be really good for you to like have friends and he was kind of like pushing me to be more social. So I think at that point I figured out how to interact with people. But yeah, I definitely experienced that like around in middle school where social interactions just became like really really hard and it just kind of felt like I was always losing this game that I just like didn't understand how to play and I didn't know why. Because I'm like I'm not. I'm like a nice person, I'm not a bad person.

Speaker 1: 9:52

Right Sure.

Speaker 2: 9:54

Yeah, I've. I've always kind of struggled socially.

Speaker 1: 9:58

Did? Did you go through any depression because of it, or did you? Was you able to kind of figure it out and just get above that?

Speaker 2: 10:05

Um, I, yeah, it was. I did struggle with with depression. I also had like the kind of like the tragic experience of like when I was 16, a close friend of mine died by suicide. So I feel like that really like was very traumatic, and I met criteria for PTSD for a few years after that. So it was like I think after that it was really having like a lot of trust issues with people in general. So they didn't they did not help, but but yeah, so I and I think we're moving out to Seattle and experiencing the winters here, like those were. Those were hard and and yeah, I think it's always kind of been like a struggle for me socially. I don't. I don't feel like depressed now, I think, because I've stopped pushing myself.

Speaker 1: 10:53

Well, that's good.

Speaker 2: 10:54

As hard as I was pushing myself socially, when I just don't have the same social capacity as other people.

Speaker 1: 10:59

Right, you moved to Seattle. It was kind of like a fresh start. You didn't know anybody oh yeah. Did you still kind of keep as that introverted? Did you become a little bit more extroverted to take and try and socialize more?

Speaker 2: 11:13

I I started dating someone and he really he was he's one of the most extroverted people I know and he like saw that I didn't really have friends and that I was. I think he like really wanted me to be more social and was kind of like pushing me and encouraging me to be more social and was essentially like I can't be your only friend and like if you don't really try, like this isn't going to work, which is totally valid, sure, and so like him and I, we we dated for like eight years and so like during that time he was really like that's when I became like more social because I was going to parties which I hated going to, because I just felt super anxious. Sure, yeah, I mean going to academic conferences, totally fine, lots of structure there. Going to a party with strangers, like not, I'm really not good at small talk.

Speaker 1: 11:57

Right.

Speaker 2: 11:58

I understand that. I understand now that people like engage in small talk, but it just it never really interests me that much. So I think at this point I have figured out like how to talk to people, but I just don't think I didn't have that much of an interest in other people.

Speaker 1: 12:13

Okay.

Speaker 2: 12:14

So my PhD is in psychology and I think like after kind of going through my PhD, a lot of my interests in people feels very academic, like I'm trying to figure people out from like a scientific standpoint, right, so it's probably not the same. Yeah, like the thing that like draws other people to like make friends, and those are the people who I like I really like having in my life are the people who I find really complex and where I'm having like more of a hard time figuring them out because they're just they have like so many facets going on. And people who are more or if I'm more like simple and easy to figure out, like they tend to not hold my attention very much.

Speaker 1: 12:50

Okay, so you're very structured, you like structure, you like intelligence and a little mystery to figure things out.

Speaker 2: 12:57

Yes.

Speaker 1: 12:59

So what, what's some of your experience? What's been one of the people or one of the one of the situations to where you went into something blind? You didn't understand everything that was going on, but they were kind of structured. You was kind of structured and then you had to kind of start using your psychology to figure out. What can you give me for an example where you could sit back and say, yeah, that was a win?

Speaker 2: 13:22

Yeah, I think I mean when I, when I moved back to Seattle about a year ago, I knew like one person I had like one good friend, and so I was really trying to figure out like how do I, how do I, make friends here? And so I was going to a lot of parties where I like didn't really know a lot of people and was kind of having to learn how to ask questions to people and like what questions to ask people. Yeah, and I think like I can be. People have called me like intense, which is, I don't know that I'm like trying to be intense, but I'll just immediately jump into.

Speaker 2: 13:59

Like you know, I'm a PhD in psychology. Like what? Like what's your, do you know about attachment styles? Like what's your attachment style? Or like, how was your like, how was your childhood, like things that I find like really interesting about people, and I found that the people who weren't freaked out by that ended up being like the people who I've like became really close to. So it's kind of like weeding weeding people out. So I've just kind of learned to be more like unapologetic about about myself in that way.

Speaker 1: 14:29

I think that's what I'm saying have you got a bigger circle of friends now, or do you have like a smaller circle of friends but more quaintances?

Speaker 2: 14:37

Yeah, it was, I mean. So I like a year ago I had, I would say, like a pretty. I was like in this pretty, like this big-ish community of friends and I think, because of because of my autism, like because I have trouble with like indirect communication, I was my therapist says I was scapegoated out of this friend group and so I don't, I don't like see any of those people anymore. So this summer I like essentially had to restart and like make a bunch of friends. I've been like another big friend group who, like I'll see them at parties and stuff, but in terms of like core people who I see like on a week-to-week basis, it's maybe only like one or two people, but I do like being connected to like a broader community. Sure, but I'm much more selective about who I let like really close to me, because I feel like I was burned pretty badly by multiple people who I really trusted.

Speaker 1: 15:33

Okay, so now you've kind of figured out how you can gain friends. You've kind of try not psychoanalyze them too much, but you still, you know, work them in and include them in your circle. What's the polar opposite of that? What is some of the things that you learned by it not working out?

Speaker 2: 15:52

Um, I guess, like I'm appreciating that I really need like direct communication, because I just I can't, I can't like read in between the lines, like I was saying before, and so I find that when people are like passive, aggressive or like if, when they don't clearly communicate with me, I just at this point in my life I don't really have patience for that anymore and I feel like before I was like so worried about getting like having people like me, and I think at this point I've just appreciated that like not everyone is going to like me and that's okay.

Speaker 1: 16:27

Yeah, has the fact that you're autistic? Has that come out within your social groups to where people can actually realize that your process of thinking is a little different than what they are, so that way they might be able to cope with a little bit better and give you some little latitude to take and develop so that they can understand and build that relationship?

Speaker 2: 16:48

Yeah, I think, I think it's been hard because I don't think I present as like someone who has autism, obviously, like there's a saying like you know one autistic person, you know one autistic person because it's just spectrum.

Speaker 1: 17:02

Exactly Just about every episode I have that line comes up.

Speaker 2: 17:06

Yeah, oh yeah. So I think like it was. I mean, I told people and they were just like, are you sure? Like they didn't believe me.

Speaker 1: 17:15

Right.

Speaker 2: 17:17

Or they're like how do you know that you're not just socially anxious? Or people are like well, I've worked with autistic kids. Like you don't seem autistic and it's because I'm like so successful professionally and academically and because I can mask so much and I have been that I don't think. I think I'm just trying to be like more clear with people when I I feel like I do need a lot of time now to like recharge after social events which before I just like wasn't allowing myself to rest, and now I'm just like more unapologetic about like like I just like I can't. But but yeah, I mean it's I and I've also tried to like not force myself to make eye contact with people, because I just find that to be like really exhausting, and I've only had a few people explicitly like ask me about that, but they just like think I feel like uncomfortable and I have to explain to them like I'm not uncomfortable, I just like it's just a lot and I don't need to, but it's just a social norm in the United States.

Speaker 2: 18:25

So it just it feels weird when you're not for other people, it feels weird when you're not doing it.

Speaker 1: 18:30

Well, so many people have this perception of what autism is and this are wrong. Yeah, because they look at the Hollywood version, which is Rain man, oh yeah. Then, when they see someone that's autistic, they might see someone that's autistic that has, like Down syndrome or other problems that are actually more visible, whereas a real autistic person that can function, such as yourself, it's not visible. You know it's a mindset and it's something that you have to process, and you process it differently and they don't get it. So how do you deal with those people that don't get it? Do you just push them away or do you try and explain to them what's going on so that they can get a better understanding of what you're going through?

Speaker 2: 19:10

Yeah, I always, I always try to explain things to people. I feel like that's, that is like a very, very like autistic response I have when I feel misunderstood. I'm like, well, let me just explain this to you, let me like give you all of the information, and some people are like willing to understand, and I've also learned that some people just like don't want to understand.

Speaker 1: 19:31

Which is a very sad thing to say.

Speaker 2: 19:34

And and like. I'm never going to convince them, but I always, I always try, because I still like I don't know. I still believe that if people just like, if I just explained it to people, if I just gave people more information, then they would believe me. But yeah.

Speaker 1: 19:49

Well, those people that don't believe or don't want to, then they're not worth your time anyways.

Speaker 2: 19:56

Yeah, which I am learning, but yeah, it's just, I'm not gonna. Like I said, I feel like I've pushed myself way too much and was was my diagnosis of depression for a really long time, because I experienced chronic fatigue and I was experiencing like all these other symptoms that were like being like misdiagnosed with other things, and it was just because I was. I was just like pushing myself so hard socially when I just I just can't at least like not in a face to face capacity. I really like talking to people virtually, like I talked to people like a lot of people on LinkedIn and on Twitter and, like you know, talking to you and I work remotely and most of the time we have our cameras off and like all of that feels very like manageable because there's some I don't know there's like some barrier, like talking over text feels like super easy and like not exhausting at all. But yeah, face to face is just a whole thing entirely.

Speaker 1: 20:51

So now you say that you're doing psychology and you have a practice that you're doing. What's your lifeline now? Look like.

Speaker 2: 20:57

Yeah, so I. So I got my PhD in developmental psychology, but it was experimental degree, so not not clinical. So I was doing research on, like early childhood emotion perception until about two years ago, and then I switched and then I started working in tech. So I was doing research and meta for about a year and now I work at a medical device company. So I'm doing psychology research, but right now I'm doing it with surgeons to figure out how surgeons use our products in order to make them safe and effective for people to use.

Speaker 2: 21:30

So I'm I'm a researcher at the end of the day, but on the side I also do coaching for other PhDs who want to make similar career transitions out of an academic career and into various non-academic careers, because it's a very hard transition and there's not a lot of support and there's a lot of a lot of like emotions that go along like with that transition that I experienced, like I know it was, I know how hard it is because I did it so. So those are like the two, like the two things that I do that I do now Right.

Speaker 1: 22:05

So so when, when you finish your your work and your your here we are on a Friday night, what's your downtime? Look like what? What do you do to just relax and just get into your own world and not think about anything else in the outside world? What comforts you?

Speaker 2: 22:21

Yeah, that's a good question, Cause I feel like I do, I guess, like the the short answer really like going out and dancing and I'm like, in particular, like I have friends I know, like my friends here who throw like underground, like techno parties in Seattle, which I feel like for other autistic people like that would be very overstimulating, but I don't, for me it's just like, it's just like very fun and like I think other people find techno to be super repetitive, but I think that's part of what I like about it.

Speaker 2: 22:54

But even then I find in my downtime, or even like out dancing, I ended up thinking about like work a lot at this point, like thinking about my like coaching business specifically, and I think I've just I've just kind of accepted that I really get a lot of fulfillment out of, out of that and I try not to be too hard on myself for just like thinking about work a lot. But but yeah, because I'll do that and I do that like in my, in my free time, just like I you know I'm I'm about to start a podcast like myself in a couple of months. I've been thinking about that a lot recently and yeah, it's just kind of like like it feels fun and creative.

Speaker 1: 23:36

You say you like fun and creative. What do you like to create? You're talking about a podcast now, but you're talking about your work. So what is it you tap into when you say I think I want to be creative now. If you get inspired five minutes from now, what are you going to be inspired to do?

Speaker 2: 23:51

Yeah, I think like a lot of it comes down to writing and so I mean, I think that's why I've gravitated towards like Twitter and LinkedIn as the platforms that I create content on, because they're both writing based platforms.

Speaker 2: 24:05

And I used to be like I started getting into writing because of creative writing. I was very bored in my 10th grade, my ninth grade geometry class, and started just like writing short stories and poetry and class, because I was bored and then ended up taking like a bunch of creative writing classes, like wrote poetry for a while and then and then moved into like academic writing. But I even found the process of writing like a literature review to be pretty creative and that I was just having to read and like pull insights and like generate new theories and concepts from all of these different sources, and that's kind of. So I end up thinking about, like you know, creating content that like resonates with people and how, like how can I write this in a creative way? So that feels like a very creative process for me, just like all like the business stuff in general, because it's just me. It's just me coming up with everything. So that feels, that feels like really creative to me.

Speaker 1: 25:10

Is that when you think you're probably in your best comfort zone, when you're sitting back creating and just hopefully relaxing? Or does the ADHD kick in to where you have a hard time to relax and it makes it a little more difficult to create?

Speaker 2: 25:27

It is very hard for me, and I think it's because of like the ADHD, I feel like someone's just kind of like clicking through my brain like at all times and so, yeah, so it is harder for me to do that. It kind of depends. Like, sometimes when I'm listening to music, I'm like very focused on the music. Other times, like I feel like with electronic music where there isn't lyrics necessarily, I feel like it's very hard for me to just focus in on the music without my thought just kind of like going. But I kind of but I view that as like my creative, my creative time Movies are easier for me to focus on. So I would say it depends on what I'm doing. Sometimes, yes, and sometimes it's just like when my brain and I have like sometimes a really hard time in like work meetings, especially if they're like really big work meetings, because the minute my brain tags something as like you don't need to pay attention or like this isn't relevant, it's kind of just like off to the next thing that it seems as more interesting.

Speaker 1: 26:37

So do you think that you found any form of comfort zone?

Speaker 2: 26:43

You mean like within myself? Yeah, yes, somewhat I would say I had like a. I had like a about a year ago, I think, like it was finally starting to click for me, and that had a really hard year. I said I like lost a bunch of friends who I felt like really close to and for a while like really was like really really depressed, was like having like passive suicidal thoughts, like was not, did not like myself, kind of blamed myself for everything, and so it's been a process of healing from from that and kind of accepting that like I'm doing pretty, pretty good.

Speaker 2: 27:20

So I think like, yes, but I am, at the end of the day, a perfectionist who has like maybe not like such a perfectionist, but had like very, very high standards for myself. So even when I have like coaches for helping with my business, even when they're telling me like you know, you're one of my star mentees, like you're doing such a good job, I still look at what I've done and I'm like this isn't an F, like this isn't, I could do better, um and so. But I don't think that's because I feel like I'm inadequate. I just like. I just know that. I just like hold myself to really really high standards where other people would look at me and be like you're so successful and I'd be like I could do better.

Speaker 1: 28:04

I get that. I'm just so glad that when you did get depressed and you had some suicidal thoughts, that you didn't act upon it, because I don't know if you know it or not, but suicide is the second leading cause of death amongst most autistic people in the world and I'm just so happy that you beat that.

Speaker 2: 28:24

Yeah, I believe it. You know, I I had never been like kind of like removed from a friend group before and it was really, it was really painful to be like, wow, all of these people just don't want to spend time with me anymore. And it's, it's still hard because I will see some of them like out and about and it just it's really hard. And I still question like, am I really like that bad of a person to where, like, all of you are like going to pretend that I don't exist anymore? Yeah, right.

Speaker 1: 28:55

so when you do to get depressed, when something happens and and for whatever reason, it just flips that switch and you started getting depressed, what do you do to dig yourself out of that depression so that you can look at things and say, you know, it's not all that bad, I'm not all that bad, things are going to be okay and I belong here?

Speaker 2: 29:18

Yeah, I feel like I've done that a lot like over the past year. Um, yeah, I mean I've seen a therapist. I've had like multiple therapists now, but I've seen a therapist since like 2015 it's like a really really long time. Um, so I've I found that like that helps. It helps to have someone who can see things more like objectively and I feel like my therapist now. I've been seeing them for a year and they've been pretty good lately about I feel like they're getting a little more protective over me and they're very like good about telling me that like this isn't how like I should be treated or this is, and just kind of like standing up for my, for me in a way that I have difficulty.

Speaker 2: 30:01

But other than that, I've always found that exercise is is really helpful um with my mood in general and and now I feel like a lot of a lot of the depression like sometimes just comes from like social burnout. So I try to just, you know, take, take some time like away to you know just like cut out like all stimulation or like the amount that I have to like talk to other people just so I can like recharge and come back um. But but yeah, I just I feel like I've been through a lot like the past few years and it's always like it's always gotten better at some point. Um, and I think, at the end of the day, I am like reminded of my, my friend to die by suicide when I was in high school and I think, like how much that has impacted me, even like almost 17 years later, and I could not imagine doing that to like anyone else like in my life.

Speaker 1: 31:03

Um, so that that that is also kind of like the thing that keeps me grounded when, and like I when, like last year, when things were like felt really bad, if you were standing in front of 100 people right now and some of them are autistic, some of them are ADHD and some of them are just neurotypical and just there to see you, what would you tell them? What would you want to put across to them?

Speaker 2: 31:27

to just kind of inspire them, I guess yeah, I mean, I think I think all this was you know, it was really I was really hard on myself for not knowing any of this as, again, like a developmental psych PhD who studied early childhood emotional development and who had read a bunch of articles about autism and like how it presents in like infancy and early childhood and and none of that research and none of the textbooks and nothing that I learned that it did, I ever think like this is me, um, and that's because it's just all based around research with like really young cis boys, and so I think like more, more and more like women and non-binary folks are like are finding are realizing this now as adults and it's really, it's really hard. Um, I haven't experienced this myself, but you know, some people, you know, think that you might be like doing it for attention and like saying saying that you have like a disorder that you don't like just for attention and it's definitely like not there's a lot of stigma around this, definitely like not doing it for for attention or anything. Um, but but yeah, I think I think, just like I, I really hope that the feel like the field that I was in does more research about how this is presented in people other than men, because there's just I like I wish I would have had like any kind of social support, like when I was younger. I wish anyone would have noticed like how much I was struggling, but no one did because I was just really good at school, um. So I would love for there to be more just like more awareness, so that there's not like a generation of like girls who are just kind of struggling silently, um yeah, I think that's a great message yeah, yeah, no, I for sure.

Speaker 2: 33:24

Um, and I mean and that's why I like share this story, because I've had like plenty of people every time I talk about it will like DM me and be like how did like this? This kind of sounds like me like how did you know? How do you figure it out? And I think just like more information and more awareness will just help people figure out like what kind of support and accommodations they can have well, this has been a great conversation.

Speaker 1: 33:49

You've given a lot of information and I just want to tell you how much I really appreciate you taking your time to come on to my podcast yeah, I, I don't.

Speaker 2: 33:59

I've I've been a lot of podcasts and don't. I feel like all the questions I get asked are like very career related. So it's nice to talk about, um, like I don't like these topics. This was this was probably the first extended conversation I've had about it, so it's been fun it has been and I've appreciated it for so much.

Speaker 1: 34:22

Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. We hope that you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know anyone that would like to tell us their story, send them to TonyMantorcom contact then they can give us their information so one day they may be a guest on our show. One more thing we ask tell everyone everywhere about why not me, the world, the conversations we're having and the inspiration our guests give to everyone everywhere that you are not alone in this world.