Tony Mantor: Why Not Me ?
Embracing Autism/Mental Health Worldwide
Autism is a complex neurodevelopmental condition affecting millions worldwide, characterized by challenges in social interaction, communication, and repetitive behaviors.
Despite increasing recognition, there remains a lack of understanding and awareness about the condition.
Mental health encompasses a range of conditions impacting emotional, psychological, and social well-being, affecting millions globally.
It includes disorders like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and psychosis.
Schizophrenia is marked by symptoms such as hallucinations, delusions, and disorganized thinking, while psychosis involves a loss of contact with reality, often presenting with similar symptoms.
Despite growing awareness, stigma and misconceptions about mental health, particularly schizophrenia and psychosis, persist, underscoring the need for greater understanding and support.
From celebrating neurodiversity to breaking down stigma, we create a safe space for listeners to learn, grow, and feel seen.
Whether you're on the spectrum, a caregiver, or an advocate, join our global community for inspiring conversations and empowering resources that uplift and unite.
Tune in to embrace understanding, healing, and hope worldwide!
Together, we can create a more informed and compassionate society for individuals with Autism and Mental Illness.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me ?
Melody Guy: Finding Connection Through Autism and Artistry
Melody Guy shares her extraordinary journey as an autistic singer-songwriter who has traveled over two million miles despite the challenges of sensory issues and PTSD. She reveals how music became both her shelter and her bridge to connecting with others when words failed.
• Diagnosed with autism as an adult around the same time as her son
• Survived childhood sexual abuse starting at age nine and a kidnapping at age 19
• Found her voice through music after escaping a controlling marriage that prevented her from singing for ten years
• Created "red threads" of connection through music demonstrations at Guitar Centers across America
• Developed coping strategies including a mental "switch" that helps her perform despite sensory challenges
• Working on her 11th music project which includes songs about autism like "Invisible" and "Life in the Spectrum"
• Discovered her "superpower" in co-writing songs with other trauma survivors through music therapy programs
• Advocates for fellow autistic individuals to embrace their differences and clearly communicate their boundaries
Tell everyone everywhere about Why Not Me? The World, the conversations we're having and the inspiration our guests give to everyone everywhere that you are not alone in this world.
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intro/outro music bed written by T. Wild
Why Not Me the World music published by Mantor Music (BMI)
Welcome to why Not Me? The World Podcast, hosted by Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City, usa, nashville, tennessee. Join us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. Their stories Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. Real life people who will inspire and show that you are not alone in this world. Hopefully, you gain more awareness, acceptance and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi, I'm Tony Mantura. Welcome to why Not Me? The World. Joining us today is Melody Guy. She joins us today to unveil her captivating music, vibrant art and, above all, her extraordinary journey as an autistic singer-songwriter. Her powerful stories of overcoming the challenges of autism while traveling over 2 million miles and forging connections with others are nothing short of inspiring. We're honored to have her here sharing her transformative experiences with us. Thanks for coming on.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me Gosh.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's my pleasure. So, if you would, could you give us a little background on how you were diagnosed as autistic?
Speaker 2:When I was little, I had a problem with connecting visually as well, as I would have shy attacks, super shy, and I couldn't speak to anybody. I had trouble in school connecting and you can see by my I don't know if you've seen my kindergarten picture on Facebook- yeah, I've seen it.
Speaker 2:Where I look like I'm shooting daggers out my eyes with it. Basically, the lady was asking me to smile at the bluebird. You know it's like. Don't ask me to do anything, it hurts. You know what I mean. It's like no, felt like underneath the lights in the room. The fluorescent lights like steal my brain. They would vibrate and I could feel the vibration and I didn't do well in school. I got through the eighth grade, sort of I had a panic disorder, but I was really good at singing. My parents found out I could sing when I was five years old and then it would take me to McDonald's and I'd play with my dad on variety night dressed in the party dress and then the shiny shoes and the painfully curled hair, but I could sing, and then I would retreat back into this, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so did you get diagnosed? When was it that you actually found out what was going on?
Speaker 2:Nobody knew what was wrong with me.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So I got diagnosed older, around the same time my son was diagnosed, I knew I had some anxiety, depression, panic disorder.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I was also a victim of violent crimes sexual abuse as well as abuse abuse starting at nine. That's something I haven't talked about a lot, but I think other people need to know that they're not alone. It's wrong and you're not alone.
Speaker 1:Looking back at it now, do you feel like you was abused and sexually abused because you were autistic?
Speaker 2:I think I was an easy victim in the house.
Speaker 1:Okay, that certainly makes sense.
Speaker 2:I think that as I had gotten older, being gullible and believing people's words instead of their actions, that's gotten me into a bunch of trouble. Because I want to believe somebody's words, you say what you mean. I'm not good at that. I want to know the truth.
Speaker 1:Sure. So if I ask you anything that makes you a little uncomfortable, just let me know and we'll change directions. Okay, Because you were believing everyone on their word. What led to the abuse that ultimately was cast upon you?
Speaker 2:I think that emotional abuse in a relationship where they say I love you and they love bomb you first, and then it uncovers to be what they really are. I kept going, oh, but you said you loved me back here, so you're going to be that here someday. You're going to come back to doing that. But there was financial abuse, trickery people trying to. Somebody I married thought I'd be so famous that he'd be hanging out with Jimmy Buffett, and then he wrote a screenplay about me killing myself. I told my family and they're like oh, he's just being creative. What that's not right? There's a lot of instances where I believed that I would be okay because of the words that they said and then it turned around to be a situation.
Speaker 1:Now the abuse that you received when you was nine was that more sexual abuse?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Now, how did that play out? Did it get to the point where you knew it wasn't right, or did someone else find out and have to step in?
Speaker 2:I knew it wasn't right from the beginning because I was being taken not hey, let's play with dolls or something like that. No, it's like I'm going to rip your head off if you tell.
Speaker 1:Wow, it wasn't right, absolutely. So how did you get out of it? How did you get past it all?
Speaker 2:I just survived it. I have developed since I was very young, a 360. And that's another thing. With my superpowers, I believe that through the abuse I have learned coping skills that just like PTSD well, it is PTSD I have that you develop this keen sense of awareness like you can tell when somebody is about to blow or somebody is trying to get you physically, like impending doom, not lying to your face. Oh my gosh, that kind of trickery. I've never been into drugs. I always wanted to be able to run fast, get away. I've never been into drugs. I always wanted to be able to run fast, get away. So on the road, I mean it's served me very well to have the PTSD and hyper aware that I've developed over the years. I am super hyper aware.
Speaker 1:That's a good thing. It helps you get past whatever you need to get past. Now let's talk about your teen years. It's a well-known fact that most teenage girls will mask their autism. This way they can fit in and socialize and just go about like a normal teenager. But when that doesn't happen, they can also slide into depression. Did anything like that happen to you during your teens?
Speaker 2:I never fit in. I had very few friends, but I could sing. I remember one girl. She came up to me and her name was Melody too, and she goes I didn't know you could do anything worthwhile. Wow, I'm like cool, okay, shrink back into nothingness. Basically, I was very shy. I had very few friends. Only when I sang was I okay.
Speaker 1:Okay. So once you got past that all you got through school. What happened next in your life?
Speaker 2:I didn't go through school. I left school at eighth grade. For some reason I ended up in high school. I don't remember finishing ninth grade. I got to high school and I had a major meltdown when someone raped me and I told my bishop at church because I was a convert in the Mormon church that these things had happened to me and I was just devastated that I will never get to heaven, that I was too damaged and he said you liked it so much, you did it again.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Right, that was a friend's dad who was the bishop. So I left school, I was homeschooled and I went to beauty school and I was with, I thought, adults who would act better than Not so much. But I did graduate from beauty school and when I was 19, I had a friend named Sherry and we used to go to this dance club in the valley, San Fernando Valley, and I went to go pick her up at her boyfriend's house and I got kidnapped at gunpoint.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Then me and my sister took my dad's Eldorado and drove off to Reno. Yeah, wow.
Speaker 1:That's quite a journey. So when was it that you transitioned into music?
Speaker 2:I played music when I was five and then I played a little bit as an adult after the kidnapping and then I got married to a guy who didn't let me play music for 10 years and I used to write myself notes to keep my mouth shut for 10 years. And I used to write myself notes to keep my mouth shut 10 years, wow.
Speaker 1:So before we move on, let's address the kidnapping.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:How long did that last and what became of it?
Speaker 2:It was about 24 hours.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:The guy had made a call to my parents saying that they needed to mortgage their house and that they needed some ransom money. They said to call back at 7. And my mom had a bunch of cops from Simi Valley sitting in our kitchen recording everything. Eventually, the guy who kidnapped me drugged himself I mean, he was doing his own drugs. I guess that's not a good thing to do and he had his friend come over and his friend is the one who made the deal dropped me off and told me not to tell anybody because they'd kill me.
Speaker 1:That's crazy. Did they get caught?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but they were out within a couple hours because somebody owned Judges.
Speaker 1:That's a crazy story, but it's not the first that happens like that. Now, once you got past all this, when did the music start to kick in for you?
Speaker 2:After that I got married and moved up to Northern California and was there for about 10 years. It was a terrible relationship. I wasn't allowed to play, I wasn't allowed to sing. I decided to get divorced and I would privately play music with my friend Donna. And then the neighbor lady next door she said you're really talented, you should go to the Northern California Songwriters Association, to this conference. So I went to the conference and I got a record deal conference. So I went to the conference and I got a record deal. That's how I got to Nashville the first time. He wasn't the ultimate guy, but it got me to Nashville and I met a great producer.
Speaker 2:Chris Crawford wrote with Tom Kimmel, pete Rodman, greg Barnhill just a bunch of great writers. And then I started coming back every like five times a year and my kids. We moved up to Oregon. Coming back five times a year and my kids. We moved up to Oregon. After a couple years the publishing deal went away. But I didn't stop making records because I'm so focused. You know what I mean. Don't tell me, no, I'm so focused, right? So this will be my 11th project. Some of them I made with my grocery money. I just have to do it. I have to get it out of me.
Speaker 1:Sure, that makes sense. So do you have sensory issues? If you do, how do you handle that?
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's embarrassing. There is the switch that flips when I'm going to do it. I'm like, okay, boom, boom, I'm that person, right. So a lot of times I will play under fluorescent lights, like if I'm at a guitar center or something, and I can feel the vibration. So I have to mega mask hey, how's going, you know? Blah, blah, blah. A lot of times inside, or when I'm done, I am completely exhausted. Thank goodness I have my cocoon, that I live in on the road, my quiet room it's my Ford Transit, that I can shut my doors, pull my curtains.
Speaker 1:Sure, you need to do what you can do. How does that affect your emotions?
Speaker 2:It's painful emotionally. Sometimes People think, oh, we just love this and I do. The cost of what it takes me to get to do that is grueling and I'm not, you know, a Barbie doll or anything. I'm just a real girl.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's a good thing. So now, what about touch? A lot of autistic people they have an issue with touch. A lot of people want to get pictures with you, which requires touching. Does that affect you?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So my husband thinks it's funny because I don't want to be spooned but I'll spoon. I take the upper to touch him there, you know, like hold his shoulders or whatever, but I don't want him to do that to me. It took me for about we've been married for four years, been together for seven Just within the last couple of years. Well've been married for four years, been together for seven Just within the last couple of years. Well, I allowed him to. Like you know, do I feel safe for a touching kind of thing? A lot.
Speaker 1:Now, what about people that you don't know when you're out there? People want to get pictures, they want to get to meet you, talk with you, whatever.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, that's part of the switch. So the switch is I don't mind that at all. It's like, hey, how's it going? You know, we'll take a picture. I used to. Okay, you're going to find this stupid, but you may have seen my post about Wilson, my basketball. Yeah, okay, well, I used to, because he was the only man I could trust, okay, and I was absolutely just thinking about it. I was destroyed. I don't know where he rolled out. It's a mystery. Where did Wilson go? He's gone forever. And I took everything out of my van to look for the damn basketball. So people started sending me basketballs or balls with faces on them. You saw one on the highway in Arizona I think it was Dale, actually, and it was a basketball that he found on the freeways, all messed up, and he wrote Mel on it and gave it to me and I drove around with that for the longest time.
Speaker 1:So when you're out, you have people that come up and grab you? Touch you. Do you have any flashbacks from that with the abuse that you had in your younger years? Yeah, touch you. Do you have any flashbacks from that with the abuse that you had in your younger years?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have.
Speaker 1:How do you handle it?
Speaker 2:I did EMDR, which was extremely helpful. Sometimes I get the feeling where it just happened and my body flinches, like I try to get it off of me. I have a lot of physical tics that I mask and put together pretty well when I'm in public, or maybe I don't. Maybe people just think I'm quirky, which I haven't told that before, and that's OK.
Speaker 1:So you travel across the country at guitar centers. What else do you do?
Speaker 2:I go and demo musical equipment. I play for people and I meet people, and it's so exciting for me to meet people that are still excited about music.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so that is also another red thread that I can connect to other people through. That is not just a scary person, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah, sure.
Speaker 2:So I create red threads. Okay, I know you because of music and you're going to like me because of music and I'm going to like you because of music and we like the same thing. Do you know what I mean? We have a communication, we now have a language, just like my son, and video games and animation and stuff like that. I love to meet children that are also excited about music too, because I identify.
Speaker 1:Sure, that makes sense. Now, I understand you're working on a project right now, correct?
Speaker 2:Yes, one of the songs is called invisible. The lyrics are about my autism and my social anxiety. Yeah, run down the streets of this town. I could dodge all the stares of the dangerous clowns. I'd be painting the words of love all around if I was invisible. Privacy to clean out my mind of the clutter of traumas. And I'd have the privacy to clean out my mind of the clutter of traumas. And I'd have the privacy to clean out my mind of the clutter of traumas. My mind's overwhelmed. Anyways, that's really great. Let me get you the lyrics, because it means everything to people that are like us. I also have a song called Life in the Spectrum. I don't know if it would ever be a hit song on the radio, but I love it and it tells the story of how we are.
Speaker 1:Well, that's important, especially that you like it, and whether it's a hit on the radio anymore, it doesn't really matter. If people can hear it relate to it, that's what counts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:So what's next? What do you see in the next, let's say three to five years from now for you?
Speaker 2:My plans are to not give up. Good, I constantly struggle with walking out the door. You know like, should I do this? I can't do this anymore. It's overwhelming Sometimes the amount of things that I have to be in charge of to get myself out there. I have to schedule myself. I have to talk to a lot of people, pick up the phone, do this the emails and organize a lot of things. It may take me a little bit longer. So the last 20 years I've relied on friends on Facebook to book me. Basically, I'm like hey, I'm going from here to there. Who wants a house concert?
Speaker 1:How does that work for you?
Speaker 2:I got to tell you people are good. I have had the most amazing experiences out there on the road where I had no idea if I'd even make it Like when I was driving around in the Chevy Astro van, I would break down everywhere and I had to rely on people and get out of myself to connect with these people, saying I'm in trouble, I just melt. People would help me.
Speaker 1:That's awesome.
Speaker 2:I am amazed at how good the world can be. Very scary too. I don't get much sleep on the road because I have that 360 on. You hear a noise and you jump in the car seat and get out of there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. You got to stay safe. Now, what is your message to the listeners? What do you have to say to them that might be going through similar things as you are, or they're just finding out that they're autistic? What message do you have for them? To give them some hope in life?
Speaker 2:Oh wow, do your research. There's a lot of foods that are damaging, I found out. For me, my social anxiety is less the less oxalates I eat, so mineral deficient, you're not going to be able to think properly. You're low in calcium. It takes it from your bones. When you're eating oxalates, they steal from your body, so you end up mineral deficient and that makes you hyperkinetic. You have anxiety, you have more social anxiety, and so once I learned that, I mean a lot of my symptoms had greatly improved. So once I learned that I mean a lot of my symptoms had greatly improved. I would suggest EMDR therapy, because we tend to ruminate and remember every hurt. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:And they get bigger, the more we ruminate how much it hurts our bodies, also learning to care less if we present as strange or weird. You know, I say embrace it. I mean I've had a lot of people come up to me, especially after I played the Franklin Theater with Music Heals Minds for music therapy and music therapy retreats. I got a standing ovation there because I sang Mistakes Like Me, the song I wrote about my son and myself. People really connect to music and knowing that you're being outwardly evident about it, regardless of the news, I say say it loud, say it proud. I mean, this is my limitations and know your limitations. Just tell your loved ones or your people. Just say this is very triggering for me.
Speaker 2:I'm going to try to act as cool as I can, but this thing really bothers me and I have to tell people I don't really do teasing because my brain I can deal with drunks in a bar, but not people I love and trust. They shouldn't be teasing me. They should be going. The sky is blue. Yep, it's blue. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Don't tell me a story about it. I don't want to hear something that's not the truth. I love you, Mean the truth. I don't want a stranger trying to get something from me. You know I can't trust everybody. That's. Another thing is you can't trust everybody.
Speaker 1:That's. Another thing is you can't trust everybody. Yeah, unfortunately that's so true. People sometimes will say anything that they need to say to get what they want.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and my son and I both have been bamboozled because they know that we're gullible. Well, I've been gullible and I'm a lot more astute, so I don't get into situations anymore until I'm very, very sure.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so how do you navigate around new people? You've just met someone new. How do you navigate around them so you can size them up to find out whether you think you can trust them or not?
Speaker 2:Well, my switch goes on. First I meet everybody with love, you know, and then I keep my mind tick, tick, ticking on. I saw this or that. Just in case, if they show me a sign that I need to back away, then I have to. I have to say the words. This makes me uncomfortable. I have to, I have to say the words. This makes me uncomfortable. Look, I just turned a significant age and it took me all those significant years to gather up the knowledge and the words to say when I first came to Nashville, when I was 32, I had no idea. Also, being creative like art. So, being creative like art, I make a lot of art, I have lots of paintings and I love them. It makes me feel somehow connected to the universe, like all the good things, and I don't need anybody around to do that.
Speaker 1:That's great. Now, how do you handle it when you have a feeling about a person? How do you handle it so that it doesn't escalate in any way at all?
Speaker 2:I find the quickest way to get out of there. Sometimes I have to say the words like this makes me feel uncomfortable, I've got to go, or look, look at the time I've got to get out of here, or you know I've been too busy. You know I've been too busy. I do have to tell people sometimes, when they're asking me for things that I cannot possibly handle, that this is overwhelming for me. I have to use the words that I know and sometimes I have to say I don't know the word for this feeling that I'm having, but it makes me feel uncomfortable, so I need to back out.
Speaker 1:So what happens if a person makes you uncomfortable but he doesn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, and he tells you that? What's your approach then? A?
Speaker 2:lot of times those are words. I have learned that those are words. If someone says, I'm trying not to make you uncomfortable, that those are words. If someone says, I'm trying not to make you uncomfortable, to be honest, or blah, blah, blah, they're generally dishonest and scary and I should have listened to the first place. If someone says, hey, I'm a bad word, I'm a jerk, then they are. You have to take people at their word and listen to the words. Careful listening will unveil so much that I personally let slide Because I'm like no, no, you're what I want you to be, You're Disneyland. But they're not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so true. Now let's get back to your music. What would you like to tell people in closing about your music and what you're doing?
Speaker 2:about your music and what you're doing. My superpower has also helped me, being able to write songs with PTSD survivors, sexual abuse survivors, and so this autism can be a gift. This pain that I've lived through because of this can be a gift.
Speaker 1:So who is one of the songwriters that you really liked writing with?
Speaker 2:My friend Mark Elliott. He passed away just a year and a half ago. He was my favorite co-writer, one of them. So he said hey, mel, you'd be great at this. He was writing with veterans out at Amy Grant's farm for music therapy retreats with Mac Bailey, and he said you'd be great at this. I said I'll give it a shot. And so I did. And it was so awesome he told me. He said every time I do this, I'm absolutely terrified that I won't do it right, that I won't come up with their story right or tell their story correctly, but every time he does. And so he believed in me. If he believed in me, he's somebody I could trust True blue, great human being. And so I trusted him and I did it, and I've been doing it for the last four years now.
Speaker 1:That's great.
Speaker 2:And I just finished another one this last week and it just makes my heart glow that they were happy with what we came up with.
Speaker 1:That sounds great. How often do they have that?
Speaker 2:It's a couple of times a year that they book in Nashville. I've done other ones in Atlanta and also in San Antonio. As they come up, they just say, hey, do you have this open and I'll go drive over and do it. Oh, I don't fly and I don't do elevators. That's another quirk of mine.
Speaker 1:Everyone has things they like and they don't like, so that's not a problem at all. So you drive everywhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I drive everywhere. I don't want to fly. Lost it Okay.
Speaker 1:You're not alone there. Well, this has been great Great information, great conversation. I really appreciate you taking the time to come on with us.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. Oh, it's been my pleasure. Thanks again it to you. If you know anyone that would like to tell us their story, send them to TonyMantorcom contact then they can give us their information so one day they may be a guest on our show. One more thing we ask tell everyone everywhere about why Not Me, the World, the conversations we're having and the inspiration our guests give to everyone everywhere that you are not alone in this world.