Tony Mantor: Why Not Me ?
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me ?
Liam Edward Golder: late Diagnoses and New Perspectives
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Late Autism Diagnoses, Music, and Seeing Family Through a New Lens with Liam Edward Golder
Host Tony Mantor welcomes listeners to Why Not Me: Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide and interviews Liam Edward Golder, a London-born music PR professional and songwriter now living in New York.
Liam shares discovering his own autism later in life after his father was diagnosed around age 70, and describes how late clarity brought relief, acceptance, and a new understanding of his father’s withdrawal and difficulty reading emotions.
He discusses traits such as overwhelm with menus, sensitivity to crowds, loud noise and bright lights, hyperfocus on music, photographic memory, and co-occurring ADHD and anxiety, reframing autism as a creative strength that supported a 30-year music career working with many artists.
Liam also describes helping translate situations for his father, who also has paranoid personality disorder, and shares his goal of inspiring others that autism doesn’t have to limit achievement.
01:18 Meet Liam Golder
02:12 Creativity as Strength
03:36 Dad’s Late Diagnosis
04:15 Shared Traits and Triggers
05:37 Rethinking Autism
06:49 Getting Diagnosed and Relief
07:41 Telling Family and Support
08:49 Translating for Dad
13:13 Burnout and Anxiety
14:35 Acceptance and Purpose
17:34 Music Career and Structure
19:17 Legacy and Inspiration
20:28 Connection with Dad
23:07 Living Confidently Now
23:52 Closing and Call to Share
The content on Why Not Me: Embracing Autism amd Mental Health Worldwide, including discussions on mental health, autism, and related topics, is provided for informational and entertainment purposes only.
The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not reflect those of the podcast, its hosts, or affiliates.
Why Not Me is not a medical or mental health professional and does not endorse or verify the accuracy, efficacy, safety of any treatments, programs, or advice discussed.
Listeners should consult qualified healthcare professionals, such as licensed therapists, psychologists, or physicians, before making decisions about mental health or autism- related care.
Reliance on this podcast's contents is at the listener's own risk.
Why Not Me is not liable for any outcomes, financial or otherwise, resulting from actions taken based on the information provided.
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intro/outro music bed written by T. Wild
Why Not Me the World music published by Mantor Music (BMI)
Welcome to Why Not Me, embracing autism and mental health worldwide. Hosted by Tony Mirko, Black Castle from the Heart of Music City USA, National Tennessee. Join us at our guest Roma Hall of Stories. Some will argue laughter. Others will move you to you. These real life journeys inspire, connect, and remind you that you're never alone. We are guiding a global movement to empower everyone to make a lasting difference by fostering deep awareness, a wavering acceptance, and profound understanding of autism and mental health. Tune in, be inspired, and join us in transforming the world one story at a time. Hi, I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to Why Not Me, Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide. Before we jump in, if you haven't already, tap the follow button. It takes two seconds and it helps more families that need to hear these conversations. Joining us today is Liam Edward Golder. His autistic journey did not begin in childhood with a clear roadmap. It unfolded later in his life. Not only did he find out later in life, but his father was diagnosed autistic at age 70. This conversation is about what happens when clarity arrives late, how it can bring relief, grief, validation, and healing all at the same time. It's about seeing your parent and yourself through a new lens. He has a great story to tell. So before we dive into our episode, we'll be back with an uninterrupted show right after a word from our sponsors. Thanks for joining us today.
SPEAKER_01No, I appreciate you asking me on this. It's amazing. Really, really excited.
SPEAKER_00Yes, great to have you on. You just mentioned you recently discovered you are autistic. If you would tell us a little bit about that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, what it is. I basically got family with autism. Basically, my dad. I'll go more into that as well, but my dad got diagnosed late with um autism and asperges syndrome. And my nephew as well, autism. And it didn't occur to me really that I had it as well, you know. And then I started to notice patterns and things, and part of the show and the build-up of different things that have happened actually led me to realise I basically have got it as well. So it's because my aim is actually a lot to do with creativity. So mine actually I see as a strength, which I've realized rather than something to be seen as a weakness or a worry or something to be, you know, concerned about. It's led me to the world of creativity through my music, you know, through having a career full-time job in music, you know, 30 years in music um as a number one songwriter and singer and promoter for different celebrity artists as well, and all these friends, but my creative brain, because of the autism, and I've got ADHD as well, to add to it. But it's basically a realize that my creative brain and my ideas and the way I look at the world differently has really helped with the music, you know, and helping others with the songs, and it's a strength, you know. Song ideas I get very easily, I get words very easily in my head. Very sure, I've got like a photographic memory. I could write a song just from scratch on the spot, sort of thing, you know, and helping I say working in music and that creative aspect of that. And I realized through the family, so I probably got it through the generation of my own dad.
SPEAKER_00How long ago was it when you found out that your dad was autistic?
SPEAKER_01Um, it probably was about roughly about 10 years ago, because he was diagnosed really late. He wasn't diagnosed until he was about probably 70.
SPEAKER_00Oh wow. Okay.
SPEAKER_01And he'd been living with this for so long, and you know, his mannerisms are very drawn. Like I can be, I can look quite straight-faced, and he looks very expressionless at times and doesn't, you know, he doesn't understand what's going on sometimes and see he doesn't understand emotions sometimes. Mine's different, the way I get it is different.
SPEAKER_00You both have a certain thing in common, is that you both have been diagnosed autistic later in life. Yeah. Mm-hmm. With that said, what are some of the similar things that you see you both have in common?
SPEAKER_01Um, similar things. I think we can be quite both both of us can be withdrawn. I mean, certain situations. I'm a very like, dad will be on his own a lot and he will be in his own mind and his own thoughts, and I get that sometimes as well. I can be very very much great in crowds, even though I work in music and I love music and stuff. We're both not that great in crowds and uh loud noises.
SPEAKER_00I can totally understand that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I've got you know the headphones and um all that stuff. I lose myself for the headphones quite a lot.
SPEAKER_00When you learn that your dad was autistic, did that lead you down the path to questioning about yourself at all?
SPEAKER_01A bit at the time, but I was very lost in his diagnosis. I got very lost in that at the time. I used to look at autism very differently and the symptoms and things. And I think there's that um stereotype of what autism is or how it should be or what people think it is, you know, sometimes. Because he's like a quieter version of me. I didn't think as much about myself at the time, I thought more about him, but as time went on, I started noticing things in myself, like um menus I find really hard to read. I feel very overwhelmed. I mean, I started noticing, especially in New York over the years, that every time there's a menu, I was overwhelmed with not trying to look at this menu. To me, it looks like an atlas. I'm like completely overwhelmed with it. It just feels like so much information.
SPEAKER_00I'm curious, everyone has their perception of what they think autism is. Yeah. Yeah. So what were your perceptions of what you think autism was? And then when your father was diagnosed, did it change your perception at all?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I I I even worked in autism, but I used to always think it was just a vagueness, you know, not responding to other human emotions and being very cut off from the world and things. I used to just think that, and then I realized it wasn't just that. There's so much more to it, you know. As well as seeing shapes or hearing sounds or processing things differently in people and not always recognising people's emotions or things, which he does a lot. He doesn't recognise people's emotions sometimes, and you have to remind him, and they go, Oh, oh, all right. Oh yeah, oh they're oh, they're thinking that that person is thinking this and they're upset about this or they're worried about this. They go, Oh, are they? Oh, but I sort of I can register it sometimes, I don't always register it, but that was one of the things. But bright lights as well. I noticed even in the supermarkets, bright lights would get me a bit, like in the shops, you know, the bright lights, or I've been in the bathroom and that sort of thing, or things like that. But I'll say the big thing for me has been music. My big obsession is music, and I always was stuck on that a lot on one subject, which has been that.
SPEAKER_00When you learned of your diagnosis of being autistic, did you get that through a therapist? And then once it was confirmed that you truly are autistic, what went through your mind? What were some of the first thoughts that you were thinking with your new diagnosis?
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, it was like a therapist years ago in the beginning, and then I recently found out more about it, like since the show. And I thought to myself, um, but when I found out and it was like confirmed, I was like, well, actually, it makes sense now. I always felt a bit weird. Sometimes I felt very different from the world a lot. I always felt I didn't fit into a lot of situations and always felt a bit odd or just very different, and I could never understand why apart from the ADHD. And then I thought, oh, you know, because I say photographic memory, and I can remember like loads of numbers and but I remember feeling actually quite relieved and happy that I actually found I thought, oh, that makes sense. You know, that makes sense now. I feel relieved, and like I said to you earlier, I feel now that I can use it as a strength.
SPEAKER_00Sure. Now, did you tell anyone? Yeah. Perfect. Now, who did you tell? And of course, what was the reaction to the diagnosis?
SPEAKER_01Well, my partner, my family, and they they said, Oh god, yeah, of course. That makes that can make perfect sense now as well. Because some of the things that, you know, I said I've always been good with numbers and remembering words and having this sort of being able to memorize things like what a lot of people would forget about. I just keep remembering what he's like, like a number plate from 30 years ago, my dad's car and stuff like that. The big thing for me has been the music focus, like hyper focus on on that. You know, I've worked to say 30 years in music helping others and famous people, and it's not held me back, you know. You know, my mind feels very busy at times, and there's a lot to process. It's made me with a creative level of things that um excel really, I think. And I'm not seeing it as a barrier. I work with all different celebrity artists and music artists and write songs for them and promote them, and I'm side axe as well, you know, and it's a daily, so it's a full-time job, and you know, potentially working with like hot chocolate band from the UK. Lots of other people, like Rutang Clan, potentially, and lots of big names, you know, like say Lincoln Park and what I've done before, Adele and stuff.
SPEAKER_00So did you ever feel like you were the translator for your father to other people?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Sometimes it it has felt like a translator, yeah, because I've had to sort of be a messenger sort of fan.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because he was autistic and still trying to comprehend things.
SPEAKER_01Autistic, and he's got yeah, and he's also got paranoid personality disorder, so just to add to it. So that obviously has been a challenge as well. He thought someone was trying to trick him or against him or something, you know. But as someone like our old dog, a pet dog, he'd think that they were trying to take the dog or something, and I'd have to, you know, reassure him and say, no, they're not trying to take the dog. They're just they're just saying hello to the dog. It's all good intentions, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. When you found out your father was autistic and then later realized you were autistic too, did that change how you understood him? Did it help you separate his struggles from his strengths and see them through a different lens? Was there ever a moment where you thought he wasn't being distant or difficult, he was just being overwhelmed.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. Yeah, I realized why he'd struggled for his throughout his life, you know. And I realized why he was so withdrawn and why he found it hard to communicate with people, it all sort of clicked into place that he was the why the reason why he how he was, you know, but he wouldn't react to certain situations at all.
SPEAKER_00Right. Now, after his late diagnosis, did you notice any shift in him? Almost like a weight being lifted off his shoulders. Did having that understanding give him relief and of course some clarity in his life?
SPEAKER_01I think so. I think so, because I think he'd always he's always been like asking questions and thinking a similar thing why he felt different, why he couldn't engage in connections easily, which I've struggled with in my life. I struggled to connect to people and like have conversations and really sort of to feel understood as well. So I was not really feeling that, not really feeling understood. I think it's it's a lot to do with that as well, and and he definitely felt different. And you could say to him, uh you could say, Oh, there's a fire outside or something, but it wasn't, and it just it just goes, Oh, all right. He wouldn't actually really anticipate a danger or worry or fear, you know, he wouldn't, he wouldn't pick up on something to worry about. He'd just think, oh, oh well.
SPEAKER_00Now you say that you are originally from England, correct?
SPEAKER_01Yes, yeah, originally from London.
SPEAKER_00Now, how long have you been here?
SPEAKER_01Well, I've been in in New York um four years. Four years.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so have you noticed a difference in how people have reacted from where you were in England to the people that you deal with on a continued basis here in New York? Have you noticed a difference or has it been about the same reaction in both areas?
SPEAKER_01Well, not not yet as such, because I've not gone into detail with all family in York, but partner. Apart from that, I've actually just been going through the um some fabric UK and they and they were just, you know, disapportive, really, and just was like, wow, this is just what it is. We actually understand. And they went, oh yeah, because you've always been like they said they said to me, Oh, you've always been really good with numbers, you've always been really good with words and songwriting and super focused on the music, like like really tunneled on it. And I said, Yeah, because I could for a long time I used to think, why am I so heavily focused on music all the time? Like constant, yeah, my whole brain going through it all day long, one subject. Of course, I do think of other friends who are important, you know, like love and other friends are important things, but the music is always like there and it's continually running. And but I I was like, Why music? Like, why can't I think about something else or do something else? You know.
SPEAKER_00Is there any part of you that kind of resisted your diagnosis? Possibly because of what you witnessed growing up with your dad?
SPEAKER_01I I actually embraced it.
SPEAKER_00Awesome.
SPEAKER_01I I I had a sense of comfort in it actually because I I thought, well, now that gives me the answers of why I was, you know, some of the questions I had about different things, and like thinking, why do I why do I remember all them words and why do I remember those numbers? And you know, I remember people's like date of births very easily or star signs very easily, or details about their like they tell me something, can I remember it? And they go, How do you how do you remember that? Um when my parents got married, they told me once and I remembered, and they said they was like, Oh wow, you remembered that at church? And yeah, I'd say with the with the songs, I can just read off a song and like normally I could just I could I could do a song live and just like literally write a whole song.
SPEAKER_00Have you had any stressors, meltdowns? Have that affected you in any way at all?
SPEAKER_01Um burnout, yeah. I think I've I've had mental burnouts. I think where I've worked so hard and I've I'm getting so many ideas because my my brain is very creative, so get so many creative ideas mixed with the ADHD as well, and anxiety. I've had bouts of anxiety in my life. I think sometimes your brain can feel a bit overloaded, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, I can. Now, how do you deal with it? If you have some anxiety coming on, how do you put yourself in a position of where you can deal with it?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I I yeah, I've had a lot over the years I've had anxiety, especially working in music and building that and getting that to a successful level and knowing that, you know, I was basically, you know, the music industry is a tough thing anyway. And on top of that, making a living for music to add to the, you know, plus having you know health conditions, you know, it's a lot to do. Because I've got other people's careers in my hands as well, you know, they're dependent on me. I'm trying to do the best I can do. It's been really successful. It continues to build. I've worked with o over 80 different celebrities, wrote with some of them as well, songwriting. Done things that I wouldn't even have imagined that I would have achieved, you know, still achieving it, you know, and it I'm not letting the autism or anything um hold me back, you know. It's actually now a superpower almost. You know, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's a great way of looking at it. Now, since you have gotten your diagnosis, have you seen a change? Now you're getting to know what autism is, you're starting to get a better grasp and understanding. How have you adjusted to this? And what kind of changes have you seen yourself make moving forward?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, uh acceptance, more acceptance of myself, because I really I found it very hard to accept some of my patterns. You know, I felt very bit strange at times, and I thought, well, no one else is doing these fans that I know. So why am I memorizing all this stuff? Why am I so heavily focused on one subject sort of fan? But basically I adjusted really quick because suddenly I've got the the sort of clarity. I've had the clarity on on different areas, and then I was like, oh, of course. Now that's that that absolutely completely. I'm not, you know, a doctor or working at school, all these things that you think about doing when you're a child, and they say, Oh, you should go and be this or be that. The music for me always happened, and but I couldn't accept it for a long time, even though I was doing it. And I try to come away from it, but it keeps coming back like a boomerang. So I could never, you know, couldn't escape it really. And now I enjoy it. I enjoy it and I embrace it now because I accept the way I am that I'm not actually, it's not like it's not a hobby, it's not just I'm gonna do, you know, like, you know, people are engineers or whatever they do, and we've all got a purpose. It took me a long time, but now I've accepted my purpose and what I have and how my mind thinks, you know, obviously, and that it's okay.
SPEAKER_00Now, most kids as they're growing up, they always have these perceptions of their parents. Why do they make me do this? Why do they make me do that? They're always questioning them. Ah, they don't know what they're talking about. Did you have any challenges like that? He hadn't been diagnosed autistic yet, but he did have some of those tendencies. Then after he got his diagnosis and you found out he's autistic, then you get your diagnosis of being autistic. Did that build a bridge that made the both of you closer because of the understanding you gained from being autistic?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean he actually sorry I'll just process and everything. Yeah, he just like after the diagnosis, I think. Yeah, I did I did feel closer to him and understand more why he was. Because I didn't have the guidance, like I didn't have the career guidance. I come away from school and I struggled through school sometimes, even though I did well in the end actually, but the social aspect I really struggled with. The actual academic side I struggled with in certain subjects, but excelled in well, of course, music, maths, and English and things. But I didn't have the guidance when I left school of what to do. He didn't say anything to me. He didn't say you should be thought about this job. We thought about that, he didn't say anything. And now I know why he didn't now, because he wasn't thinking about it, because he was stuck in his autism. So I just found my own path, and obviously that led to the music. And I remember not having no guidance, and I remember thinking, that's just odd. I've got no guidance at all. Nothing, you know. But I don't hold it against him at all. Now I understand why now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Now you say you're concentrating on your music.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, 30 years now, 30 years of it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00How do people find you? Give us your websites and social media so people can follow you on what you're doing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I've got um it's it's well, because I do what I do, I do I do PR remarketing and communications for bands and someone sinners, all kinds of music. Basically, the website or the company Son Heroes Music PR, and the website is www.son-heroes-music-pr.com. You can look me up under Liam Edward Golder. But Son Heroes is the company I've had for years and years. I say 30 years I've been doing all this now. Yeah. So the marketing and PR and basically like a music agent for all different kinds of bands and famous and non-famous singers and songwriters and every all kinds of music. You know, people can find me. I do I do radio packages, um, TV magazines, record labels, music venues, you know, you know, music for airports and shopping malls, restaurants, hotels, all of it. You know, there's so much that I cover, which my my creative brain just focuses on and on like a machine, really.
SPEAKER_00Have you had any challenges that you've had to overcome because of your autism with the work that you do and the clients?
SPEAKER_01I think just having a structure. Like I've got a really good structure with it. But you know, if a lot's going on at once, you have to balance that and then learn to structure that by anything in life. Just have that structure and balance of what's going on. And I think that yeah, the challenge was just really prioritizing what was important, what feeling overwhelmed, like we talked about earlier, not to feel burnt out by the actual clients or or the workload. So it's just having that happy balance, you know.
SPEAKER_00Now that you understand yourself better after your autism diagnosis, add to that you now see your father's life in a different lens because of it. What kind of legacy are you hoping to carry forward now?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's a great, that's a great question. The the music legacy, but also the health aspects. I am, you know, writing with different celebrity guys, sitting with them sometimes before, and promoting them, being their agent and publicist. Um, really, but also while having ADHD and autism in a thing, to be like, well, okay, you can achieve things. You know, you haven't got to be put in a box or you haven't got to not the legacy is that you can to help to inspire others because you can achieve these things. You know, you haven't got to just think, right, well, I've I've got autism or got ADHD or whatever you have, and think, right, well, I'm not gonna do anything, you know. But I'm just gonna sit there on the sofa and just put the headphones on and shut yourself off the world for the next 80 years or whatever. And I thought, no, I'm gonna do something, you know, I'm gonna I'm not gonna let it stop me. In fact, it's now become the fuel to make things even bigger and build that legacy even stronger and say to other people, you can do it, you can do things beyond all the challenges, you know. You haven't got to think that you can't. When people say you won't be able to do that, we've all had it a time in our life.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. So two different autism diagnoses actually connected two different people because of it. Yeah. The beauty is it did not separate you. Tell us what that connection means to you today, now that you have a better understanding of autism.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, I I I have a lot more understanding and empathy and compassion. And one of the big things was he always looked so vague because that well, I do, I recognise I do. It just now to me it's like, well, I can relate to the reasons why he is how he is, you know. And it wasn't to be rude, he wasn't being rude, he wasn't trying to be distant, he wasn't trying not to care about situations, it's just that he didn't understand his emotions and the world, and he didn't really know how to respond to a lot of situations and still doesn't, but he's also just like a Swedish guy, so he's absolutely amazing, you know. And he's always gonna be the he's always gonna be the person that sits in the corner in the room, but that's fine, you know, because that's how he is, but that's that. And the fact is that he's still a great person, and the fact that he's actually, you know, he's had three children, he's been married to my mum 61 years, you know, despite his health issues, and it's been a success, you know, it's been a success. So so he he's done amazing, and that as well, you know, it's an inspiration to think that you can you can do things, you know. I was told, you know, don't work in music, you'll be a loser, you know, oh it'd be a hobby, what what will your real job be? You know, I had a business advisor and he said, Well, I I I think working in the music industry is gonna be hit or miss, so that I wouldn't actually do it, I wouldn't bother. And I come out of the meeting, you know, and I'll deflate it and I thought, oh geez, I want to is he right or not? And I was like, No, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna look back, you know, and I'm glad I did because I I've been A career and I built a income and built a as you like saying earlier, like what's gonna be a legacy because of music. And I would if I had listened to the the you know the naysayers and all the people that say you can't do this and don't do that, I would never have done it, you know.
SPEAKER_00I've heard all those naysayers myself. So I totally get it completely.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Yes.
SPEAKER_00How old is your dad now?
SPEAKER_01Well, dad's actually, God bless him, he's he's eighty one now.
SPEAKER_00Oh nice.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, he's eighty one, so he's doing well. I mean, he's amazing, really, you know, what he's been through, and and yes, it's fantastic.
SPEAKER_00Is he still in England or is he here in the States? Yeah, he's yeah, he's in England still.
SPEAKER_01So he was he was born in England, so he's there with mum and the other rest of the side of the family, so he's there. But yeah, you know, he's always been my hero because he's always been a great dad. Even through his struggles, he finds that kindness, you know. And you do feel his love, even though he expresses it differently and his concern, and ever and again he'll break out of what he's in, and they go, Oh, are you okay? That sort of thing, or oh, do you need something? Or you are you're right, you know, you know, how are you? You know, but I say he's he's become a great person despite all these challenges.
SPEAKER_00Nice, that's just so good. Now that you know this about yourself, how do you see yourself living differently now? Not in spite of autism, but because of it.
SPEAKER_01I'm a lot more confident, feeling a lot more comfortable. As I said earlier, I've just I've just come to a place of acceptance and and realizing why I think the way I do. And I've always had a different way of thinking, and I never knew why. And I thought I mean I thought it was strange. Now I don't I don't think it's strange now. I think it's actually got its it's got its own uniqueness. I say, especially with the music, that's really you know, to help others with the music industry, which I'll I'll keep doing, go and keep going for that and keep helping people and successfully getting them out there. But I I will keep pushing the music out there and keep helping people getting their music out, you know, and changing the world in my own individual way.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's just so good. Well, this has been great. Great conversation, great information. I really appreciate you taking the time to join us today.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, thank you, Tony. I really um really enjoyed it and really grateful to you for having me on the show. Yeah, absolutely. It's been amazing.
SPEAKER_00It's been my pleasure. Thanks again. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know someone who has a story to share, tell them to contact us at why notme.world. One last thing. Spread the word about why not me. Our conversations, our inspiring guests, the channel. You are not alone in this world.