When the "I dos" are said and the bouquet is tossed, the memories of navigating family intricacies and wedding etiquette linger. Michele and Julee took to the microphones, unwrapping the delicate layers of modern marriage ceremonies and the evolving traditions that accompany them. From the intimate, personalized celebrations our children may one day prefer, to the grand spectacles many still adore, we examine the importance of honoring the couple's wishes while keeping the peace in complex family structures. We delve into the sensitive choices of who walks the bride down the aisle, and how these decisions mirror deeper themes of forgiveness and acceptance within the family.
Wedding planning often comes with its share of drama, and we didn't shy away from those tough conversations. Tales of guest list turmoil and destination wedding woes lead us to question the intricacies of forgiveness and the long road to mending fractured family ties. We also navigate the tricky terrain of more contemporary issues, such as respecting a family member's gender transition in the context of a wedding, understanding the importance of authenticity and the potential for family tension.
As we wind down with a touch of humor, the value of friendship in these life-changing moments becomes clear. Through a promise of future wedding invitations and the joyous banter between old friends, Michele and Julee leave their listeners with a heartfelt message of camaraderie. We invite you to join our community, sharing in the laughter, the tears, and the rich tapestry of relationships that make life's celebrations all the more meaningful.
When the "I dos" are said and the bouquet is tossed, the memories of navigating family intricacies and wedding etiquette linger. Michele and Julee took to the microphones, unwrapping the delicate layers of modern marriage ceremonies and the evolving traditions that accompany them. From the intimate, personalized celebrations our children may one day prefer, to the grand spectacles many still adore, we examine the importance of honoring the couple's wishes while keeping the peace in complex family structures. We delve into the sensitive choices of who walks the bride down the aisle, and how these decisions mirror deeper themes of forgiveness and acceptance within the family.
Wedding planning often comes with its share of drama, and we didn't shy away from those tough conversations. Tales of guest list turmoil and destination wedding woes lead us to question the intricacies of forgiveness and the long road to mending fractured family ties. We also navigate the tricky terrain of more contemporary issues, such as respecting a family member's gender transition in the context of a wedding, understanding the importance of authenticity and the potential for family tension.
As we wind down with a touch of humor, the value of friendship in these life-changing moments becomes clear. Through a promise of future wedding invitations and the joyous banter between old friends, Michele and Julee leave their listeners with a heartfelt message of camaraderie. We invite you to join our community, sharing in the laughter, the tears, and the rich tapestry of relationships that make life's celebrations all the more meaningful.
Hey everybody. This is Michelle and this is Julie. Welcome to a blonde, a brunette and a mic podcast. What is our podcast all about, you ask?
Speaker 2:Well, we're 250 something, women with life experience and oh, plenty to say which is exactly what we're going to do right now. We are here today with some more fun stuff involving weddings, because we had a wedding segment that was related to wedding etiquette, related to kind of do's and don'ts, you know, with weddings and then the cost associated who does what?
Speaker 1:Why? Who does what?
Speaker 2:Who, what, where, why, when, and we came to the conclusion that there are a variety of ways that people like to do their nuptials, I guess, and it really is dependent upon I don't like that word, nuptials, it sounds weird what does it sound like?
Speaker 1:Reminds, I think of nipples. Only you Nuptials, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, anyway, well, we were talking before about the weddings and the cost of weddings and it's interesting. I was having a conversation with my sister about this and she actually brought up a really good point. She said a lot of the things that are tradition. Even though they don't really hold the same meaning today that they would have a couple hundred years ago, having a little bit of that tradition in there is still special. It kind of makes the event special at least that's her thought process. And so they would be individuals who have children that would be getting married. You know they went through the big to-do wedding just like we did Mark and Angie. Mark and Angie.
Speaker 2:Yeah they had a big, beautiful wedding and stuff as well, but you know we're going to have their two children coming up, and so it'll be interesting to see if their daughter is not wanting to do something like that.
Speaker 1:Like I already am prepared.
Speaker 2:I already know Zoe is not going to want to do something like that.
Speaker 1:So all eyes on her. You don't think she'll like that.
Speaker 2:Girlfriend does not like that and frankly it's like if Andrew ever gets married and Amelia's in the picture, which I think she will be, she's not one that likes big crowds and all eyes on her either.
Speaker 2:So it'll just be kind of you know. I think what it boils down to is people need to do what makes them feel most comfortable. Yeah, and if they have the resources in parents if they're, you know, at that age where their parents might be helping them, or they have the resources as older adults then you do what makes you happy.
Speaker 1:You know it's your day.
Speaker 2:It just feels like there's a lot of just in doing the research and the discussions that we've been having and everything. There's so much opinion surrounding what happens.
Speaker 1:Well, there's opinions and a lot of different family dynamics now than there used to be. To your point, you know to have some of the tradition in there. So some of these stories I think our listeners will get the gist of what we're talking about as we go through some of these and they're not scenarios, these are like things that are- real stories, yeah, or, and some of them are.
Speaker 2:You know what we're here's what we're wanting to do, you guys. We want to go through some of these. Some of them are from Reddit, some of them are. You know what we're here's what we're wanting to do, you guys, we want to go through some of these. Some of them are from Reddit, some of them are from Quora, both sites that people post on kind of I don't know what you would even say similar to maybe Twitter or something I don't know. But there you know lots of different stuff on these sites. I actually kind of get lost in the minutiae of scrolling through, kind of like people do with TikTok, yeah, but there's all kinds of cool stuff on Quora in particular that has to do with, you know, a lot of World War II stuff and things that are just like horrible pictures that you would never see anywhere else that make you realize how awful, like if someone said that the Holocaust didn't exist.
Speaker 2:They're smoking crack, seriously, just whatever. Total side note, but anyway. So we have a few stories here and a few scenarios Smoking something man. They're smoking something I don't know what, or they're in a huge denial.
Speaker 1:I'm actually impressed that you know that that's out there. People out there say that that the. Holocaust didn't exist. Yeah, they're smoking crack, anyways. Yeah, I was going to go into some other things on that, but that's for a whole other episode.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe we'll do that with our next one, because we have a lot of other things that we're going to talk about in our next one. So, in this regard, here are some scenarios. We're just going to read a couple of these and then comment on them, and really would love to get your feedback on them as well, because everything is really dependent right on someone's family.
Speaker 1:Well and it might, as we do, go through these. It might give people some good ideas on some of the situations that they might be facing with scenarios within their own wedding that they have coming up and that they need to prepare for Example, I have a stepdad and a dad that's not me. I'm talking about this first scenario we're going to get into. Why don't you go ahead and read the rules?
Speaker 2:In this scenario, the daughter has multiple dads because parents have both remarried. The question was has there been any drama with both dads when you had to determine who was going to be walking the bride down the aisle and there was actually a lot of stuff out there about this and in varying degrees, you would see what people were like well, why is that big of a deal? Because it's a patriarchal thing, and this is what I ran into. It's like you know, women are not cat, are not cattle, they're not chattel, they're not property. And when this originated if you dial back to when you know weddings were started, I guess know the daughter was given away to the husband.
Speaker 2:There was a dowry that was provided and that dowry was kind of like payment, and so they would take the daughter, I guess, off their hands. So now this is transitioned into things that have to do with modern day weddings, and it's just nobody really knows how they originated. But I think when you are a 23, 25 year old, you know, bride, you don't necessarily care right, you just know that it's an emotional thing if you have a father to walk you down the aisle. And in this scenario there's a gentleman who says, and I quote my ex-wife married a man who was very good to our kids, always there when they need them.
Speaker 2:I didn't like him and my daughter was getting married and she wanted her stepdad me to walk her down the aisle. So I did what any mature adult would do I whined to my older sister how could my daughter do this to me? She knows I hate him. This is so disrespectful.
Speaker 2:And on and on and on, until my sister, a wise and wonderful woman who does not mince words, said shut up, this is her day, not your day. You will show up, shut up, wear what you're told and walk wherever and with whomever. She tells you Got it and what it boiled down to was. It was probably a really big deal for this girl to try to figure out how not to hurt people's feelings, and perhaps she was closer to her stepdad than she was to her real dad. But like we were talking off camera about this and you were asking me what would happen if Zoe did that, or if someone in my family who said I don't want my dad to walk me down the aisle, I want you mom to walk me down the aisle or something like that.
Speaker 2:I know it would be a big, there would be a lot of drama around that and I personally am like, whatever that bride wants to do, I would be probably just fine with it. I mean, she wants to walk by herself If she wants her dad to walk her down the aisle, if she wants her stepdad to walk her down the aisle not my daughter because she doesn't- have a stepdad.
Speaker 1:As you're saying this, I 100% agree. You just think of all the family dynamics that can go along with these situations. But to this sister's point that told her brother it's her day and she needs to be able to do with it however she wants and whatever she feels she needs to do with it.
Speaker 2:Okay, in this scenario, let me ask you this so this dad, he's paying for the wedding. Yeah, do you look at it any different? No, the stepdad's not paying for the wedding, no different. So is it she owes him? Well, that's what I'm asking you. It's like would she feel-.
Speaker 1:Putting myself in that daughter's situation would. I wouldn't want to feel indebted to my dad by, say, by having him walk me down the aisle, even though that's not what I wanted. Yeah, and I have to say, if well, who knows financially who took care of what? But but yeah, she should be able to do whatever she wants and that's that.
Speaker 2:I had this scenario with one of my friends a couple of years ago whose daughter was getting married and the woman has remarried and the stepdad is not like a dad dad, you know. I mean it's not like he. These are grown children now, but he's in their life and he spends time with them, but they don't call him dad, it's not like that, but their real dad bailed on them on all, all three of these kids when they were young.
Speaker 2:I think she was in her teens when he bailed and actually she ended up. She got pregnant when she was, uh, 18 or 19 years old and her dad kicked her out and then he moved away and he's kind of a deadbeat, honestly. Yeah so, but she invites him to the wedding and the question is does her dad?
Speaker 1:oh, I would not have him walk me down the aisle, okay, well and that's not being her, but I mean totally up to her Exactly, but do?
Speaker 2:you see what I'm talking about here.
Speaker 2:It's like here's this guy who's a total deadbeat, doesn't pay for shit for this wedding, doesn't help with anything, basically just shows up and this mom has been taking care of those kids, you know, almost lost the house a couple times, got these kids through school, supported her daughter when she had this child and gave it up for adoption, all this stuff. And this guy, this dad, wasn't even there, but my friend was so incredibly gracious about it because, to the point of what we're talking about here, the dad walked her down the aisle, oh wow, and the mom was probably not super happy about it, but her daughter never would have known and I thought that was pretty gracious of her. It's got goosebumps.
Speaker 2:Yeah it is, you know, she, so the daughter to her, to her, you know credit. She included her father. She's perhaps forgiven him, who knows, there's other circumstances and things that have come up, but at the end of the day he took that role and, you know, walked her down the aisle when he really hadn't been in her life.
Speaker 1:And this is actually wherein we almost I'm thinking of the episode we did on Minding your Own Business because I'm sure there were plenty of whispers going with her dad walking her down the aisle and people you know, placing judgment and saying things, which was another part of etiquette that you shouldn't do.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm honestly none of nobody really knew him, so it was kind of. I mean, people had been around this family a lot probably did, but people that were in the last 10 years or even the even the groom didn't really know him.
Speaker 2:But she made that decision and it probably was a tough decision for her to make because her mom was really the one that had kind of carried her through most everything. But what I also learned is that as adults, as this woman had become an adult, she had learned to forgive and put some of those things aside and I was really proud of her just because it was her day. Yeah, she did it the way she wanted to do. Now, had she not done that, he really wouldn't have had a leg to stand on, but I wonder if he would have even shown up honestly, yeah, if he wasn't playing that role.
Speaker 2:So they were able to avoid a lot of drama because the mom was gracious in that scenario? Yeah, so if the scenario is reversed and you know it was like I was saying before one of our kids or something, it's like I don't know how, because the parents have been involved more, you know they're around more, so it might've been more of an issue.
Speaker 1:You know, there's a Swedish tradition where the couple walks down the aisle together, so hand in hand. I kind of like that actually, so you don't even have to worry about any of that shit.
Speaker 2:And I think you know, when you look at traditional weddings and in churches, it might be a little bit different than if you have a wedding in a venue that's a non-religious venue. You know, you might be able to do it a little bit differently, but I can recall the guys you like you were saying before. The guys walked down the aisle with their mom and then their mom sits down and the guy stands up at the altar and waits for his bride.
Speaker 2:It's kind of a big deal you know the big reveal and all the everybody stands up when the bride comes in. You know, and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:It's kind of such grandeur.
Speaker 2:I did it all. I did it all. So it's like I'm not throwing shade at all, I'm just more like wow when.
Speaker 2:I look at it now. We just did what we thought we were supposed to do. You don't even question it. You just this is how it is, which I think is a little weird. But now that I'm an adult I look at it a little bit differently. One gal, when we were looking through some of these scenarios, solved that problem by having her dad and her stepdad both walk her down the aisle. Where she walked in with her stepdad and then halfway through her dad was waiting, shook the stepdad's hand, took his daughter and then went up to the altar that way, that seems like a really good way to pretty cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a great way to solve the problem.
Speaker 2:But when you've got young people getting married, they're not they really are not necessarily doing a lot of this thought process. They're not trying to solve these problems. They don't even know that these problems potentially even exist. So as you get older, I think you kind of will understand a little bit more of those things.
Speaker 1:Well, and I would imagine that there's more of this that goes on now, because families, there's a lot more blended families than there used to be, there's a lot more divorces and remarries and things of that nature. So the up and coming generations they've had to deal with that a lot more, whereas yours and mine our generation. Typically, we still had our dads to walk us down the aisle.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, one story I was looking at or when I was reading through, the girl had three dads her real dad and two stepdads. Yeah, and she's like, and she was close with all of them, she didn't know what to do, so she just walked herself down the aisle. She didn't have any of them. You know, that seems like a really logical way to do it to me. I don't know.
Speaker 1:That's probably what I would do, Well, I mean nothing like getting all the attention. Yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, do you want to read one of these other ones?
Speaker 1:Yes, I will. There was one where it talks about her fiance and she wanted a wedding with only close friends and family and she has a very large family and she only wanted to ask 10 people and her question she was actually kind of questioning and looking for comments and how to prevent the drama of that from unfolding and choosing or determining who does what. So what they were talking about essentially was to avoid posting. These are just things that we never had to think about. Avoid posting on social media very much of your plans or what you're intending to do, because that will reduce the amount of people knowing, even if you're trying to keep it small and intimate, and from people asking if they're invited, things like that. I have noticed that with other things. Sometimes I'll put something and then somebody will say, well, why wasn't I?
Speaker 1:invited or something, and I was like, oh shit, like yeah, so yeah, not putting pre-posting too many of your plans if you're wanting to keep it.
Speaker 2:You think some of this has to do with the personality of the bride and of the groom. We're only talking about bride for a sec, but really the groom as well, and if they're like as adults, to me that's like no big deal, that's like well, we kept it small.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wouldn't get butthurt about that. Yeah, and social media was a big one because, just like I was talking about, you know other things where people after the fact are like and this is what happened.
Speaker 1:You know why people are going to wonder why they weren't invited to the wedding, and she was surprised too that they had people make comments about how they weren't invited to our wedding and she said well, I understand they may have been disappointed. It wasn't a slight against them in any way. We chose to invite our closest family members. Those that we didn't invite who spoke up, were family members that never really had anything to do with us. We had them as friends on social media and maybe saw them once a year, for Thanksgiving Maybe. So I get that, I do. I do too. I do get that. Especially, you know, there's probably things that come into play, like with finances and things like that and when, if you really have to be thoughtful about that part of it, you're going to have to be really thoughtful about who you're going to have in your circle there for that special day.
Speaker 2:I would agree with you 100% on that. I feel like, as you kind of mature, you don't feel like you have so much angst. This is my feeling about it so much angst around, worrying about upsetting somebody. And we had, I guess would be my cousin's daughter, get married this last year and my mom was invited. So the seniors were all invited, right, but none of the kids, and I'm I mean, I'm calling myself a kid, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:None of the kid or our kids, or anything like that so she's the same age as Andrew, like my kids and I was not I mean, I was fine with it. It's like I understand they're trying to keep the wedding small and I'm not close with this girl. I mean, she's darling and I see her at family functions once a year kind of a thing.
Speaker 1:She's a great kid.
Speaker 2:But I mean, it didn't hurt my feelings that she was not inviting me. But now she's pregnant and we just got an invitation for the baby shower. So I was kind of like okay, I wasn't even quite sure what to do with that Cause I'm like I'm okay to go to the baby shower, but I'm not I don't know. I just felt kind of weird, I'm not able to go. As it turns out it's not even on a day when I can go.
Speaker 2:So my regrets will be going out to the, to the new mom. But I just thought that was kind of interesting, that. I was invited to one and not the other.
Speaker 1:Is that weird. I totally get why you would have that thought. But, I don't think it's necessarily weird that not the wedding, but yes to the shower. I think the shower's being put on by somebody else, probably, and so it's not necessarily her guest list. It is, but do you know what I'm saying you?
Speaker 2:know how showers You've got to make your guest list, I assume, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean to a certain degree. But you know like somebody else is pretty much doing all that planning, not like when you're getting married, the bride pretty much is doing a lot of that planning and knows specifically what she's wanting. I think it's a little different for a baby shower.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying? I'm not offended or anything by it. It's more just kind of like scratch my head on it a little bit.
Speaker 1:I get why you do. Yeah, that's what I say. I totally get why.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm going to send a gift and I have no, there's no ill will or anything, I just am not able to go so, and. I would love to see a lot of my extended family. It's just it's far and I'm sure the baby will be darling, and I'll probably see the baby when he or she is a year old.
Speaker 1:Because I mean, you know, when kids graduate they send like announcements to as many people as possible.
Speaker 2:I wonder why they do that.
Speaker 1:I know right, get that get that all the Benjamins in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all the Benjamins, it's all about the Benjamins.
Speaker 1:It's like oh, my fifth cousin, twice removed, or whatever, their second cousin is graduating from high school.
Speaker 2:Okay, hey, do you want to read this one? That's the wedding drama one, the family drama. Yeah, it's a little long, but I think it's kind of an interesting story, because these are the things that you might run across actually.
Speaker 1:Yes, I just got married and it was a destination wedding in Florida. My brother was an important part in my wedding and it was important for me for him to come. He also was going to walk my mom down the aisle. My mom paid for his expenses plane, hotel suite or, excuse me, suit, etc. And was going to pay for all expenses in Florida. He promised and swore up and down that he wouldn't miss it for the world.
Speaker 1:Well, the day before my wedding, as I was putting together stuff for my coordinator, my dad told me he missed his flight on purpose and will no longer be coming. His first excuse was that he was sick. The next was he lost his wallet. I cried and basically had a mental breakdown that he wasn't coming. The thing that hurt the most. He never actually told me until my husband text him to talk to me. He told me to go F myself and that I don't need him there. I told him he's dead to me and blocked him. Haven't contacted him ever since.
Speaker 1:After the wedding was over I found out that the real reason he didn't come because of his girlfriend needed him home. Yes, his girlfriend was invited and also promised to come, then canceled two days before His girlfriend told him to miss his own sister's wedding for her, and he listened. They have only been together a couple of months and I just felt like what he did was unforgivable. He didn't even try to congratulate us after he could have texted my husband or my mom, but it took him a whole week to do that, and it's because my mom told him to. He's 37, by the way and now I'm getting a bunch of crap from my mom about how I'm wrong and being a brat and need to make up with my brother because he really didn't do anything that bad. I guess what I'm asking is how would you go about this? Would you ever speak to your sibling again, or would this be something unforgivable?
Speaker 2:Let's just start out by saying her sibling is kind of a D-bag. Yeah, I was thinking a dick 37 years old and he is being led around by his girlfriend by his nose him and not her.
Speaker 1:All of those things that he did, the lying, the promising and then breaking the promises, the staying home with her, all of it that is all him and not her. So she needs to just let that shit go. Not easy, I know that's an easy say, hard do, but at the same time it's just going to cause her continual heartache and, yes, that will always be there in her brain when she sees her brother, like if she were to forgive and move on. It will always be there. She'll always think about it. That's something that, yes, you can forgive but probably not forget, you know but for her own sanity.
Speaker 2:Over the course of time, you time, it'll feel better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and her own well-being, she just needs to yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, he's not remorseful, and I think that's part of the issue.
Speaker 2:That is a hard yeah, and what we don't know here is if they had a really good relationship or if he's kind of a flaky dude to begin with, because he sounds pretty flaky to me and I mean, maybe that's not how he is normally, but she obviously was counting on him and it's her day and all of this. But to your point, I believe that something like that is forgivable. Now, does it? Is it compounded by other issues that have come up? Who knows? You know, but dealing with it head on and just saying I'm not going to let this ruin anything else, or family gatherings or what have you, is probably the most adult thing to do.
Speaker 2:But, one thing I've learned is that sometimes, all the time, really, you can not pick your family, but you can pick your friends. You can't pick your brother and you can't choose how he's going to behave, and so you might make the decision down the road that you just don't want to have a close relationship with them, because there's multiple things that have happened, you know, and that's totally fine. If you're looking out for your own mental well-being and you don't want to be around people that are toxic or what appear to be toxic like this, then I say knock yourself out. But forgiving is really important, not?
Speaker 2:for him but for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, forgiving, letting it go. And to your point, I think that's perfect. She can choose to, not, it doesn't have to be a close relationship going forward. She can forgive it, we can move on, but it's not like she has to invite him over for Christmas Eve and to their child's baptism or whatever.
Speaker 1:It's just interesting to me. It says my brother was an important part in my wedding and it was important for her that he come. So, uh, it's, it's unfortunate. You know, obviously I would. From the sounds of that, I would think that they were close in some way, shape or form as siblings. So you know for him, maybe he was having a midlife crisis, even though he's just got a girlfriend I mean, who knows, whatever that she's getting married and he's not and whatever.
Speaker 2:Who knows, there may be a variety. What I was going to say is that his behavior is kind of the symptom of a much bigger issue, whatever that issue is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:Perhaps he would have not been a great addition to the wedding had he been there. So let's just call it what it is and say the way it happened is probably the best At least that's my thought Okay, I have one from Cora that I wanted to share.
Speaker 2:This is kind of an interesting one. So we were invited to a wedding a month ago and we send in our RSVPs on time. Today we were asked if we could only come to the ceremony because they went over the limit for the reception. Would it be rude to decline the wedding ceremony? Like, first of all, who does that? Who says sorry, can you not come to the reception? That's so tacky.
Speaker 1:So, so tacky, Agree, agree.
Speaker 2:Even if they went over it. It's like figure that shit out if you invited. One of the things that I had run across is that people sometimes will over invite because there's fallout there's a ton of fallout you know I think they say it's like 50 to 70 percent fallout.
Speaker 2:You know, and when you're planning for uh, food and all of those things, usually you have an rsvp count that's in advance, a a couple of weeks or so in advance, so catering can get set. But in this particular case it's like I guess too many people were going to show up and there wasn't going to be enough food. So a you come up with more money or you come up with another way to be able to manage this. That's my thought process and absolutely unequivocally, do not reach out to people and say, ooh, can you only?
Speaker 1:come to the ceremony, can you imagine? I just don't know that that's even the right, like an okay thing to do. I mean, were you born in a barn? Well, okay, so to the question I probably wouldn't go at all. I wouldn't either. I mean, I would just like graciously decline. Yeah, I wouldn't go at all. So I'd say, yeah, no problem, we don't have to go to the reception or the ceremony, would you?
Speaker 2:send a gift.
Speaker 1:I don't know.
Speaker 2:Would you Well, at this point I probably already would have put the gift in the mail.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or had it, and yes, I'm thinking I probably would. Yeah, I probably would, because I'm not that much of a drama queen. Yeah, to do. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:To really make a point that way yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so I would, yeah, I'm sure I would send something.
Speaker 2:This makes me think of not this, but it's like I was thinking about when I worked at Nordstrom. There was a group of women that we spent a lot of time with, and one of them was getting married. Well, this happened with two different people, but she was so secretive about it so I don't know it was her first wedding and everything. I don't know what it was. She didn't want us invited. We actually had like a little get together at a restaurant to have our bridal shower. We were just going to do something really casual for her. She didn't show up, she declined coming, so we had this, yeah, and so I ended up sending a gift. She was like a really good friend of ours, so it was very odd she didn't tell anybody that she wasn't going to come, she declined.
Speaker 2:No, she just declined she just said okay, yeah, she, she regrets, didn't come to whatever the I don't remember where it was.
Speaker 1:It was at a restaurant or something.
Speaker 2:This is a long time ago but my feelings were really hurt and I and I recall thinking, you know, I wish she would have just said hey, this is going to be just close family. But it felt like we got, it was kind of avoided. It just was really uncomfortable and not discussed at all. And so here I am, being as boisterous as I can be, and we're like, let's just have a little thing for her, like, so she knows, we think she's special. It wasn't like a big old bridal shower or anything like that.
Speaker 2:It was just like we would normally get together and all of us had little gifts and stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that has to do with your generosity, jules.
Speaker 2:You're always thinking of other people.
Speaker 1:No, you're always thinking of other people and I can just say that you know, just like, she does things for me, like because she wants to make memories and it's important, and then I have to set the boundaries I've gotten really good at setting boundaries with Julie and I'm like nope, I can't do that.
Speaker 2:She sets boundaries with me, sorry. Push push, push. No, it was. It was more just kind of like I just felt, kind of my feelings were hurt, I'm sure, and I can see I don't think it really had anything to do with the fact that all of us were not her close friends. But then I saw some pictures from the wedding and there were a lot of people there. So I was like, huh, okay, let's just let that one go. We're just gonna let that one go.
Speaker 1:But see, it just goes back to.
Speaker 2:It's like I'm not gonna say anything because she's my friend and I don't want to ruin our friendship or anything, but I was like fuck yeah, I felt kind of bad yeah, let it go we have another one also also with nordstrom.
Speaker 2:She uh was the second wedding for both of them and they were so low-key about it. They didn't even tell anybody what they were doing, they just basically bailed and went to mexico and we all found out about it a different group of people, they kind of eloped, they kind of eloped, yeah, but I mean they were just so quiet about it, just so quiet.
Speaker 2:So we all got together and put a gift together and sent a gift you know, and maybe to their house or left it on her desk, I don't even remember, but it was like she just did not want any attention surrounding it. So after going through a lot of these things here, I'm kind of like let it be, julie, just let it be. Yeah, I want to celebrate the people that I love.
Speaker 2:And so you can see how, when you're looking at some of these things, how people might get upset. I don't get upset that easy. I'm kind of like, well, got my afternoon back whatever, I don't have to go, yeah, but you know we were never included to begin with. So stop trying to include yourself in something you're not included in.
Speaker 1:It's what that boils down to Inserting yourself. Yeah, yeah, you know, it's I don't know. Well, there's plenty of stories though.
Speaker 1:There really is in regard to it. It's been kind of eye-opening actually, you know, looking into, like we did last week, all the things that were talked about reflecting on our own weddings and you know the circumstances that were surrounding that and those, and then, yeah, just like the family, family friends, family friends all the possibilities of, yeah, feelings and emotions and hurt feelings and undisclosed whatever. Yeah, there's a lot. So, and I think with a wedding it's even more so with, because your friends in that situation almost seem like family in regard to the way scenarios can turn out Like some of the ones you were just talking about and we were adults.
Speaker 2:It wasn't like we were younger or anything. So let me ask you this it's like I don't even know if you know anybody who's been married several times. I think that I know people maybe have been married three times or something and they're going into their fourth wedding. Do you look at it differently? Do you say, I mean like, if you're not invited, if I was invited to, not invited to someone's fourth wedding, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't care.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:And I'm like if you have a big old dress on your fourth wedding and a big old to do.
Speaker 1:that seems like a lot to me. I do, I agree.
Speaker 2:And gifts. It's like they're all pretty established at that point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it would need to be really different. You know, the third and fourth time around, I would say or the fifth time. Or the fifth. Yeah, it's like Elizabeth Taylor. How many times was she married? I think she was like seven or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, I've got one more that I wanted to read. Well, here we have one that I think is kind of an interesting question that was posed. Is it transphobic to ask my trans brother, only out to me and my parents, to wear a dress to my wedding? He wants to wear a tuxedo, but doesn't want to tell anyone about him being trans. I'm worried about it causing drama. So initially, what I'm seeing here is that his trans brother was born a female, has not come out to anybody but the mom and to the sister, but wants to come to the wedding in male, attire a tuxedo.
Speaker 1:As she has transitioned to a male now and she just wants to live.
Speaker 2:He wants to be able to live authentically, but it's not like a known, so nobody's going to really know who this? Person is. So how would you handle something like that?
Speaker 1:Honestly, I would want my brother or sister, if they've transitioned, however, they're living their life I would include them and I would want them to show up the way that they need to show up.
Speaker 2:The way that they are.
Speaker 1:I would want them to show up authentically.
Speaker 2:Do you think by having that person show up yeah, you know the way that they are Do you feel like something like that Show up authentically, Would they? Do you think by having that person show up that nobody knows about, would that cause drama at your wedding?
Speaker 1:It's, it's possible, of course it's. It's going to be possible and it's. I mean, that's a really tough situation, understandably so, understandably so, and it could the bride is probably trying to avoid anything being detracted away from her day, which is the possibility if her now sister is now a brother and shows up in a tuxedo and if nobody knows about it and it depends on how they handle that.
Speaker 2:Well, there's a reason why he hasn't come out to other people besides his sister and his mom, and that seems like this seems like not the appropriate time to have that happen. But I mean, it is what it is. It's like she's getting married and if it hasn't happened before, that one thought is why not talk to your fiance and have him as a groomsman?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because then he'd be wearing the tuxedo He'd be a part of the wedding and yes, might there still be drama when people realize that this individual has been transitioned to a male? Maybe, but it's kind of their problem is the way I look at it Again there's so many circumstances surrounding what the outcome of that could be.
Speaker 1:Where's the wedding? Is it in a church? Is it in a backyard? Is it all of those things the family, the extensions of the families, the crowd, the other people and what that is all associated with? If it's deep-rooted religion and this is what my family is, and these are the guests that are going to be there that's going to be a lot to handle. That will be a lot different and a lot more to handle, but at the same time, it would be setting an example if this family were to have their sibling and child there, authentically transitioned, wearing a tuxedo, as they are wanting to, and showing their support for their son and not making it an issue.
Speaker 2:Do you know what I'm saying. Do you feel like, okay, I don't have an answer to this, really, but do you feel like it's selfish of that individual to expect to show up in the transitioned way when nobody else knows about it? No, okay.
Speaker 1:I don't?
Speaker 2:I mean and I'm saying selfish to the sister, the one that's the bride- Right Selfish, just to do it in that setting.
Speaker 1:Right, like not do it otherwise, yeah, I mean, that's a tough one, that is you know, the setting it's you know because it is a wedding you know, but at the same time, it's not like he or she is coming out at that time and announcing Well, they kind of are just, they're kind of coming out without announcing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're just, and so to be able to do that, you know, is, for whatever reason, important, and maybe even somewhat. That can never be easy, but maybe it is helpful, like I said, to have your family all there surrounding you, supporting in that way, just being able to allow that person to show up how they now are.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of the drama might relate to the other members of the family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:What if the dad is just not cool with any of it? Like has disowned this person.
Speaker 1:I mean, there's just so much drama that could potentially be having.
Speaker 2:That would actually, if it were me, might even prompt me to do something completely different, because I wouldn't want to be involved in all this drama or my dad's, I'm not going to show up.
Speaker 2:if your sister or brother shows up, you know that kind of a thing, so I'm with you. I believe that it's the bride and groom need to be the ones, obviously, that are making those decisions. But under those circumstances, in the scenario that we have here, I would do exactly what you're saying. Yes, it might create some little ruffles or a little bit of controversy and, honestly, probably some whispering, like you're talking about, because people can be really ignorant or they're not exposed to things on a regular basis, and so they don't know how to handle them.
Speaker 2:But I would honor my brother as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's definitely a very difficult situation, and I'm sure that the brother himself probably had some decisions to make as well. Like, if they didn't, if they weren't going for him coming in the tuxedo and being authentic, then maybe he would make the decision to not go to his sister's wedding. Yeah, as opposed to showing up in a dress and being the sister that he's really not.
Speaker 2:To me that would be humiliating, probably for him.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I mean the fact that you didn't even put your that's what I'm saying. Oh yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I mean the fact that you would even put your. I would never ask, I could never like, if I, whatever. If my sister had transitioned and was a male and I was getting married, I would never ask him to wear a dress and pretend to still be my sister for the sake of everybody else, I would never ask that. No, I couldn't. So anyways.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I think we're on the same page with that one. Yeah, there's this other one that I had pulled up. That is someone who just needed to vent. Do you want to read this one?
Speaker 1:So I asked my friends last May to be my bridesmaids and I asked my maid of honor to be my maid of honor two years ago when my fiance asked me to get married. Well, now my wedding is 200 days away. I think it's funny that she knows. Now my wedding is 200 days away. I think it's funny that she knows. I mean that's a long time 200 days.
Speaker 2:But two years ago she got engaged and asked her maid of honor. And then within half a year or whatever, she's asking her friends.
Speaker 1:Some of the girls aren't responding to her text messages. I asked them all to have their dresses by March 13th and while some girls do have them, some don't, including my maid of honor. I text the girls who didn't have their dresses yet and to see if they've gotten them and I haven't heard from anyone in five days. I've had to resort to planning my bachelorette trip myself because my maid of honor is MIA. My mom is also pressuring me to kick the girls out, but I don't want to do that. I love all of them so much, but I'm afraid they're wanting out and not telling me. It's putting a lot of pressure on me and causing me to feel the most insignificant part of my wedding. This isn't what I expected and I feel so hurt.
Speaker 2:I think she got a little overzealous on the invites way in advance.
Speaker 1:first of all, Way in advance, a lot can change in that length of time, over the course of two years, you could have a falling out with your best friend. Who knows why.
Speaker 2:My hunch is that everything surrounding this person is wedding-related topics, like if they go out to dinner. They're talking about the wedding. You know what I mean. Let's go out tonight.
Speaker 1:They're talking about the wedding. They go out. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Let's go out tonight we talk about the wedding. It's all about the wedding, and so people are probably getting kind of tired of that, and I don't think there's anything there that really talks about the cost associated with the things that she's asking them to do, but if she's planning her own bachelorette party, I mean that's kind of sad.
Speaker 1:She might be the only one.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying. It's like nobody's answering. So what are you going to do? Are you going to have the party of one?
Speaker 1:Do you have a bachelorette party?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't, it was pretty low-key.
Speaker 1:I mean, I went out with some of my girlfriends, but it was really nothing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we went, I don't know dancing or something, I don't remember what it was. People really do it up now. I know, I know we talked about that already they take trips to different places. Bachelor parties same thing.
Speaker 1:This gal yeah, I think she like you know if I'm already asking maids of honor two years prior, that's a long time. A lot can happen.
Speaker 2:So if I were this gal, what I would probably do is, first of all, I wouldn't be texting people because they're not responding to your text messages, maybe this is something that warrants you picking up the phone and actually having a conversation with somebody.
Speaker 1:These are the things that seem weird to me in some of these stories, Like the brother one he seemed an important part, but then it was like that didn't work out. These are like she loves them and they mean a lot to her, because I can see her mom's point Like just tell them they don't have to be in it.
Speaker 2:Well, they're blowing her off. That's what I mean, just like. But see, this is what it goes back to. It's like nobody's talking to each other, and how are they?
Speaker 1:Well, this is a whole other topic, because this is how the world is now. We don't have to talk to each other, we don't have have to be face to face.
Speaker 2:Well, and they might not feel like the people that are involved really might not feel like they're being valued. It's more like it's a job. Yeah, is the impression that I'm getting.
Speaker 2:So, as that bride, I would pull that group together, maybe take them all for a nice dinner, just you know kind of regroup, get everybody more excited, maybe clarify what the roles are, who's doing what, what's being provided, you know all of those kinds of things and then just let it go. It's like you don't have to have a conversation about your wedding every single time you talk to your friends, they'll bring it up if they want to ask yeah, but it's how. I will venture a guess that a lot of the conversation over the last couple of years has been directly related to this, yeah, and people are just tired of it.
Speaker 2:Over it. They're of it Over it.
Speaker 1:They're over it yeah.
Speaker 2:It's kind of too bad because she's probably going to be kind of disappointed with how the wedding comes out unless she regroups and thinks about how to approach it differently, or she's going to have a different type of wedding Get some new friends. Get some new friends yeah. So these are just a few of the things that we ran across and we wanted to add to this episode or add on from the last episode with some of these stories, because we just thought it would be kind of fun to do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, prepare yourselves, all those of you getting married. There's a lot of different things that can come up, so, and it's very fun to plan.
Speaker 2:I think it's fun to plan Michelle's like. I can't even imagine planning something like that. I mean, like I would totally be planning that. That would be so fun.
Speaker 1:I thought at one point when I was helping my friend Stephanie plan her wedding yes, yeah, so I was. I was helping to plan a wedding and it was. There was a lot of things and it was really fun. But when I was doing that I thought, oh, it might be kind of fun to start a business called Take Two, Like for people getting married the second time around, because there's not. Well, you just gave your idea up on. I know Well, there's not as much that goes into it, we'll add that to the speakeasy.
Speaker 1:I know all the other things, right yeah.
Speaker 2:Anyways, okay. So if you're getting married and you don't want to have drama, just elope.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, there you go. That's what we got out of this, yeah.
Speaker 2:And if it's more, if it's a second wedding, just chill for a hot minute, and if it's third or fourth wedding, elope, just keep it low key. And if it's beyond that, don't tell anybody.
Speaker 1:There you go. Well, I think that's pretty good advice.
Speaker 2:That's pretty good. Yeah, or live in sin that's the other one. There's that too, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's kind of appealing, doesn't it? Yeah, a little bit of everything, avoid all this stuff, so where can people find us? Michelle, they can find us all over the place. I'm talking TikTok it's. You know they haven't sold it yet or gotten rid of it yet, so you know, we can find us on TikTok, you can find us on Instagram, you can find us on Facebook and you can listen to us on Spotify, apple, all your favorite.
Speaker 2:You're missing, like the most important one that just started just launched Places.
Speaker 1:I was getting to it, I was saving the best for last. They can listen to us on all the places, but if you want to watch us, head on over to YouTube to a Blonde Brunette and a Mike podcast, because you can watch our episodes there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's kind of hilarious, and there's all. I think we have four, maybe five episodes that are on there. Nobody's looked at them yet. Yeah, because we haven't even told anybody they're out there, we haven't.
Speaker 1:We've just kind of been silently secret, squirreling them up there and just kind of figuring it all out.
Speaker 2:Like it took us a half an hour to figure out our microphones and headphones today. We never said we were really good at all this like techie stuff, right, but we keep doing it.
Speaker 1:That's right, right, yeah, I like it, that's right.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, I like it Well. I appreciate you, michelle.
Speaker 1:And if I ever get married again.
Speaker 2:I'll invite you.
Speaker 1:Oh you, better girl I'm, because she's going to show up anyway, yeah.
Speaker 2:Don't worry, I'm not getting married again and on that note everybody. Have a good one. People, we'll talk with you soon. Peace out, peace out, bye.