You Are Not Alone With Debbie & Greg Gold
As a mother and son team, Debbie and Greg come together to talk about the realities and struggles we all face in today’s world. They cover a wide array of topics from mental well being to current events to teachings that will lead you to a relationship with Jesus Christ. As Christians, they know there is one thing that brings peace, hope, and encouragement to anything life throws our way, and that is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You don't know what you don't know, so come along on the ride. Your life and heart will be changed forever!
You Are Not Alone With Debbie & Greg Gold
Assertiveness: Bold, Respectful Self-Expression
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Have you ever found yourself tongue-tied, unable to articulate your needs without fear of stepping on toes? Join us, Debbie Gold and my son Greg, as we navigate the nuanced pathways of assertiveness on the You Are Not Alone podcast. Together, we peel back the layers of communicating effectively, whether it's turning down an invitation with grace or standing your ground in a professional setting. Our conversation is a treasure trove of personal experiences, from my own days leading a transformative therapy group to Greg's candid revelations about his journey towards assertive prowess.
Assertiveness isn't just about getting your voice heard; it's a delicate balance that requires finesse and understanding. In today's episode, we dissect the subtle yet crucial distinctions between assertive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive tendencies. Our exchange isn't just theoretical—we share real-life scenarios and the practical steps we've taken to overcome the barriers to assertive expression. We emphasize the importance of preparation and practice in honing this skill, offering up tips that you can apply immediately to your next challenging conversation.
Wrapping up, we explore how assertiveness unfolds across various social landscapes, from the anxiety-inducing realm of asking someone out to the high-stakes environment of job interviews. Through heartfelt stories and pragmatic advice, we shed light on how simple techniques, like using "I statements," can transform your interactions and help maintain healthy boundaries. So tune in for a robust discussion on the art of assertiveness, where we remind you that standing up for yourself never means standing alone.
Assertiveness and Communication Skills
Speaker 1Hello and welcome to another episode of the you Are Not Alone podcast. I'm your co-host, debbie Gold, and I'm here with my co-host and son, greg, and we're so glad that you're here. Each week on this show, we will talk about issues that matter most to you, and it is our wish that you will find hope, encouragement and a little bit of Jesus in every show. Again, we're so glad that you're here and thanks for listening. Hello, welcome to our show today. Yeah, we're excited to be here. We're going to be talking about assertiveness and being able to say no to people. Last week we talked about self-esteem and this sort of is a piggyback A carry-on.
Speaker 1A carry-on or a piggyback onto that?
Speaker 2It was funny. You were discussing the topics of this podcast and you were like, what about assertiveness? And I was like, oh sure, but inside my head I was like, what is that? And so I was like, honestly, mom?
Speaker 1But inside my head I was like what is that you know? And so I was like honestly mom what is assertiveness?
Speaker 2And then I Googled it or you told me what it was and I was like oh, I know how to do that, you know. So I did it without knowing what it was basically.
Speaker 1Right, it's such a good topic though. Yeah, for sure. It's a skill that we all need to have, Right yeah, because communication runs the world.
Speaker 2So I googled it just for like a little you know heads up on this episode and it said being assertive means that it's communicating with others in a direct or honest manner without intentionally hurting anyone's feelings.
Speaker 1Isn't that awesome. Yeah, I like that is so simple.
Speaker 2It sums it up perfectly.
Speaker 1And how often do we get like, oh, I'm not going to say anything because I don't want to rock the boat. Or you have something happen over and over again and then you just start yelling at somebody because you didn't get it across yes, or you didn't speak up.
Speaker 1Yes, and so I think it's definitely a good topic and something that we could, all you know. I'm just reminded I love doing these podcasts because I get reminded of some of the habits that I need to break or that I've gotten into, or some you know, we all make mistakes right, we're sinners.
Speaker 2You work on your traits as you. You know we all make mistakes.
Speaker 1Right, we're sinners, but you work on your traits, as you you know, talk about and discuss them. And so, as I was thinking about assertiveness and I was being reminded of when I first was in my internship, after I had my master's degree and I was working, I did a group with women on how to be assertive.
Speaker 2Oh yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, I used to work with women that were.
Speaker 2Tell me about it.
Speaker 1Well, they were women that were in usually hard situations you know abusive relationships or single moms and so we would talk about being assertive, being aggressive and the difference between those two. And then the difference between being passive, aggressive which is a whole nother.
Speaker 2I hate passive aggressive. Yeah, keep going about that.
Speaker 1So, yeah, I mean, there's just the different levels. So where we want to get to is a place of being just assertive, being able to express our needs in a very respectful way and without hurting anyone's feelings Without hurting anyone's feelings without hurting anyone's feelings. When was this class? It was just a small group, a therapy group that I did okay yeah, cool how many people were in that was well varied. I did a series you do like a six-week series.
Speaker 2Oh, okay, yeah, and they sit around in a circle and it's like a little intervention.
Speaker 1Right, I do the educational part where I teach it, and then we talk about our issues.
Speaker 2Oh, so you taught it, yeah, okay. Yeah. So you went over like you know different topics and stuff like that Interesting, okay, and they came from. You know different backgrounds or the people, okay, cool.
Speaker 1Yeah, it was at a nonprofit agency. Oh, that's cool to 1995 there you go that's when I worked there so long ago. Yeah, it was a big year. I got married and we bought the house wow and I was becoming a therapist big, big year for you.
Speaker 2Big year, yeah, that's crazy anyways.
Speaker 1so now that we kind of know what assertiveness is, I think that I recognize it so much yeah.
Speaker 2It's so in high school, middle school and college. Because, think about it, gossip, gossip, gossip, gossip. Right, that is the opposite of being assertive, because, like I mean, assertive is communicating with each other directly or honestly. Gossip is not that it's going behind each other's backs, it's being sneaky and stuff like that.
Speaker 1It's not talking to someone directly about something that happened.
Speaker 2It ruins um relationships and friendships my freshman year of high school. You remember that little friend group I had with those girls. Like nasty and toxic gosh, they hated each other one week and then the next week I'm going over to her house. I was like I thought you said you hated her. Well, that was just because I said that, and I was like you tell me that you hate her guts when I'm driving in the car with you. Two days later, you're at her house having a picnic. I'm like what is going on here?
Speaker 1So it was so toxic and I didn't know what was going on with each other.
Speaker 2Well, there you go. Nobody communicated honestly. Everyone was just making up stories. They were gossiping. Relationships were in the way. It was just a mess.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's exactly. That's such a good example. That's what will happen. And also gossip, I just want to add, is something the Bible does not promote, not at all, but it's so childish something the Bible does not promote, right Not at all, but it's so childish.
Speaker 2No, if you've got a problem with someone or like something, you can just speak up. You know yeah. I agree, I've heard a lot of people be like if you have a problem with something say it, you know. There's no point of hiding it, because then the problem's not going to get resolved, right?
Speaker 1And I think when you say things, eventually people are going to come to know that you're that kind of person.
Speaker 2That will say something that you can talk to right and they're going to become, uh, more okay with with you and who you are and they'll be more open with dialoguing with you yeah, I had a friend in high school his name is david um, he would just say anything or like he was like almost the loud kid, but he wasn't like disrespectful loud, like he would say his opinion like on a. He would laugh out loud oh my gosh, that's funny. And then the whole class would be kind of off to it. But then as the year went by people started to love it and he was so loud and he just didn't have any confidence issues and he would just be loud, but he would be up front and stuff like that.
Speaker 2Everyone loved it because they felt so comfortable. Sure, he's not going to judge me because he doesn't care.
Speaker 1You know he's funny and goofy. They've come to know. They came to know who he was His character.
Speaker 2His character yeah, that's awesome. I love that. Yeah, he was such a character. So.
Speaker 1You know, I think, that we deal with situations every day of our lives where we can practice our being assertive. We were mentioning or talking, before we got on the show here, about going to one of your professors or a teacher with a question that you have.
Speaker 2Right, so many people don't do it in college. Yeah, so many people are like oh, the professors are evil, they're gremlins and stuff like that.
Speaker 1Those are evil, they're gremlins and stuff like that. Those are excuses.
Speaker 2No, those are excuses. But for larger schools like A&M, tech or something like that, I can see how kind of because some professors might not be, you know, the most open or outgoing but if you, if you make the extra effort. Like my first semester of high school or college, I met my professor, dr Farwell. It was for intro to business and it was like four classes in or something like that. I just finally went to him with a question after class and he was like super nice to where. I almost was like surprised that he was so happy that I was asking a question. I was like why is he so happy that I'm asking a simple question?
Speaker 2I need something I need help yeah um, and then the second class. After I asked him the question, he was like why is he so happy that I'm? Asking a simple question. I need something, I need help, yeah. And then the second class after I asked him the question, he was like yeah, you have a good day, man, something like that. And I don't know what he said, but we clicked off a little conversation no-transcript. He was such a cool professor because we had, you know, he was a. State Farm employee as well, that's right.
Speaker 2Yes, yeah, so he had his own little State Farm firm and it was like his first year of being a professor and for the first time a teacher kind of opened up up to me. He was like, oh my gosh, greg. Um, I'm stressed as hell because I'm managing my state farm firm and then also I'm trying to teach a class and four months ago I didn't know I was going to be teaching this class when the uh university reached out to me or something like that and I was like, really I had no idea and he's like yeah, I had to help one of one of the uh co-workers had to print some of the slide shows for the coursework and stuff like that.
Speaker 2I had to research late at night. You know how do I? You know, da, da, da, da da. He's like how do you think I'm doing?
Speaker 1Oh my gosh. I was like you're doing great. That is so good. I love your class.
Speaker 2I enjoy your class. He's like, really, yeah, I'm like, no, you're doing a great job as a professor. You're a lot better than most of my high school teachers and stuff like that. So it was cool because I could.
Speaker 1I hope they're not listening yeah.
Speaker 2That'd be funny, reaches out to me. I'm sure he'd love it. But yeah, it was so cool because he came to me for help and advice almost, and I was like this guy's a professor and he's asking me for advice.
Speaker 1You know, super cool. That's another thing about being a. We have to remember that we all are human and we all have needs.
Speaker 2Yeah, you can view your professor as a human. He's not just a professor. He's also a human that goes home and has a family and a wife he wants to be happy.
Speaker 1He wants to do a good job. He's like everybody else. Right, even though they're looked at on more of a hierarchy above you. But yeah, and you also talked about like maybe being in a larger university and this can happen in small or large, but where they're maybe not as personable or they don't really get to know their students, whatever. But you know, maybe they act like they don't have time for you or they kind of blow you off or whatever, but you have to be prepared for some of those kind of situations as well.
Speaker 1Absolutely, you know professors they're busy ass people.
Speaker 2Yeah, they don't have time for some things, or?
Speaker 1maybe it's not a good day for them, right you?
Speaker 2caught them at the wrong time and they gave you a bad answer. Right, shoot them an email. You have to for them, right? You caught them at the wrong time and they gave you a bad answer, right?
Speaker 1uh, shoot them an email you have to be, yeah, you have to be able to know that you may not always get that warm fuzzy right, yeah, exactly but you, you know, most likely you will, but not always yeah, and so you have to just put your armor on and be okay with that yeah, it sucks, but sucks.
Speaker 2but yeah, go to plan B, there you go.
Speaker 1Um, okay, so when we're being assertive, there's something called the three C's of assertiveness. Um, to be confident when you're talking, make sure your message is real clear and be really controlled and speak in a very calm and controlled manner.
Speaker 2Yeah, I've.
Speaker 1I've heard um people say that if you speak slower, it makes you sound more confident because, it makes you sound like you know what you're talking about more, and you know what you're going to say yeah and you see more calm about the subject I think when you talk fast, it there's like this underlying sense that there may be some anxiety there yeah I'm really nervous about this you know that kind of something like that. Yeah, I'm not sure about what I'm talking about or you know any of that yeah, um um, so what are the obstacles to being assertive? I think I want to kind of hit on that a little bit.
Speaker 2Feelings.
Speaker 1Feelings like you don't know what you're feeling.
Speaker 2No, you don't want to hurt their feelings.
Speaker 1Oh well, you can't manage anyone else's feelings.
Speaker 2Let's get that set down so whatever someone else feels from a conversation that's their stuff. But for topics it can differ too. You know, if it's a sensitive topic and you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings, it might be hard to come across that way.
Speaker 1Yeah, but I also think like if you think it might be a sensitive issue, you have to be a little more sensitive and think more about what you're going to say Right, right, exactly.
Speaker 2Get clear on that that, yeah, you can't just, you know, hop in, oh my god, jenny's sick, or something like that, or something worse.
Speaker 1But yeah, um, I think another obstacle is you think that your, your, your needs don't matter. Oh, it's okay I'll be fine, don't worry about me, those kind of things. Yeah, or another obstacle is you think you're going to get flustered, because you've done that before. It's like I tried this once and I got flustered and it didn't turn out. Well, you know, you've got to practice what you're going to say. Yeah, you really have to. So don't let what you think the outcome might be.
Speaker 2Affect what you're going to do.
Speaker 1Stop you? Yes, right, go ahead and practice, practice, practice and I would tell the ladies to do that over and over. Write it down. Write down what you want to say. Get a good idea in your head.
Speaker 2But also don't overthink it. Be confident, it's you know, you can do this yeah.
Speaker 1Well, there is that and that's okay for some people but some people do need to, you know. But you're right, I like that.
Speaker 2So you know be confident. Yeah, cause a lot of times you know if you're going to say, let's say you're practicing assertiveness to tell someone something like, let's say, you have to go talk to your neighbor downstairs or something like that, but you have anxiety with doing that right to your class. You teach assertiveness or something like that, but, um, you know you're still kind of nervous or something like that. You know you can just practice it and people tend to overthink it and they eat themselves up with it, you know.
Speaker 2And so you can just stand in front of the mirror and like practice what you're going to say. Practice what you're going to say. Practice what you're going to say. But if you overthink it, like it. Practice what you're going to say, but if you overthink it, it hurts you kind of. So just tell yourself that you're confident you got this, because when you back yourself up like that, it's helpful.
Speaker 1Right, I feel, and I think more toward the end. Here we'll talk about how do you be assertive, how can you do that, and so that'll help with some of that, I think I want to put you on the spot here just a little bit.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, yeah.
Effective Communication in Social Situations
Speaker 1Okay, Um so, a situation where you could be, um, not real comfortable with and I'm not talking about you in general, I'm just saying in general- or not specifically you, but in general. What about? I mean, this is really an awkward thing for a lot of young kids, young Zen, you know Gen Z people. But asking someone out on a date right.
Speaker 2There you go.
Speaker 1So I mean, if you saw the pretty girl at the coffee shop or you know whatever, what, how, how do you think you really wanted to like? Do you? Do you have a sense about how you might handle that?
Speaker 2Yeah, so she's behind the counter.
Speaker 1Sure she can be behind the counter, she can be doing.
Speaker 2I've seen one at a coffee shop before, so you just go up to her. Hey, I thought you were really cute. I was wondering if I could get your number or if you're free later, or something like that.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2And say it slow, say it slow.
Speaker 1Say it slow. Say it slow, hey, it's a little bit slow, I know right, and they're like what? Hey?
Speaker 2my name is yeah, and I thought you were cute.
Speaker 1Oh, that's a great way to start. Hey, my name is Greg.
Speaker 2Yeah, and I thought you were cute, I noticed you and was wondering if. Yeah, If I could you know, ask for your number or you know that are recently done. Compliment those that's right see if their toes toenails are done because girls they like that when you compliment their toes um see if they have a nice dress on anything you can compliment just there's always something you can say nice about somebody and their appearance.
Speaker 2Yeah, because once you get a smile in, you're golden, there you go but um what I heard you do was using I statements.
Speaker 1You know, like you know, I noticed you back here working and I was wondering if I could get your phone number.
Speaker 2I'd love to go have some coffee, make him blush a little bit yeah, yeah. Then you're in, so anyway.
Speaker 1Okay, so that's, that's good.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1I think also like during job interviews or when we're sort of this you know we already talked about that being this sort of the superior person.
Speaker 2Oh, job interview one's a really good thing to do too, because at the end of every single job interview I've been to, they always ask you, do you have any questions for us about the job? And I used to say no, and dad was like no, no, no, no, no You're doing everything wrong okay so you want to ask them questions.
Speaker 1That's right. Dad is a. You know he does executive recruiting and recruiting for high-tech companies. Right to get employees in open positions at companies.
Speaker 2So he's very very good at interviews interviews 24 7. He interviews people all the time over the phone, stuff like that, yeah right so he was like greg, you're doing this wrong here, you want it and you want to know golden question, that'll help your interview, uh, and I was like sure, and he goes okay. So when they ask you, you know, do you have any questions for us? Either, if there's one person in the interview or two people in the interview, go to them. What is your favorite part about working here?
Speaker 2And you know, eye contact, direct, you know, and then they'll have to, you know, have a personal experience and stuff like that. And if it's a personal experience, maybe you can relate that way, build a little deeper relationship there and then if you have any other concerns or questions that that, even that are small or big, ask them, because they're there for your questions. That's why they asked you know, do you have anything else we can help with?
Speaker 1So I love the one. I know that young people are afraid to ask well, what's the starting pay? Yeah, it seems like you and your brother avoid that whole question. I've talked to other parents about it. I hate to ask. So here's another way you can say you can say so I'm curious what the starting pay for me would be.
Speaker 2Right, exactly.
Speaker 1So I'm curious, you know.
Speaker 2I statement yeah, right.
Speaker 1Now what is the starting pay?
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm curious to know what the starting pay is going to be for this position.
Speaker 1For this position. Yeah, so very fair question.
Speaker 2No, absolutely yeah. So it doesn't hurt to ask too, because you just want to get informed, you know, of why you're working there.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, is this going to fit for me.
Speaker 2Is this going to work for me? Is this a good paying job for me?
Speaker 1You need to know what you're going to get paid, because you may want to buy a car or something and you've got to save up. And how do you, how do you do that right? So I think the first thing that you need to do is really kind of look at your style, like really assess yourself. So does you know, um, do you like to express your opinions or do you kind of keep quiet about those? Right? Do you like to say yes when you really need to say no because your schedule is so full right now? Right?
Speaker 1yeah, like if someone asks you to do something for them.
Speaker 2I hate doing that. I don't know why I do that. I always, you know, are you free right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I want to be nice to them, or something like that. But are you free right now? Yeah, yeah, cause I want to be nice to them, or something like that. But then I'm like mentally or physically exhausted and I just got done with something and I'm like inside.
Speaker 1I know you did that for me. I know you go out and you do your job and you work and you do your college and then, like when you're home this summer and I know you've been out doing your landscaping business and which I'm really proud of you for- You're doing a really great job.
Speaker 1We got another client as well, nice, yeah, so wait to hear. Yeah, um, anyway. But and then I go, you know, you come home and I'm like, can you help me move this thing over here, can you help me with that? And I know you probably just want to get in the shower and you know, but that's another thing you could say too. It's like, hey, mom, I want to help you and I will. I let me get in the shower first.
Speaker 1I really need to take a shower yeah so there's, you know, you can meet your needs before all right, jumping on my stuff.
Speaker 2I see it as mama first, then me second.
Speaker 1Well don't yeah, you got to put your needs first, it's okay, I mean, I appreciate that.
Speaker 2Yeah, I always want to help you, I know you do well.
Speaker 1You're so sweet, but you always want to help everybody too. Yeah, you're very, very there for people yeah, that's another thing. It's like saying no without feeling guilty it's another thing of exactly being a surter yeah, so so, and I used to feel that way, like if you don't even have the time for something.
Speaker 2Yo, do you want to come over to my house later? We watch a game or we watch, you know, a tv show or something like that. No, I can't, because I have dinner or something like that, with my family.
Speaker 1Yeah, I would love to do that, but I've already got plans.
Speaker 2It sucks saying no, but if you can't make it, you can't make it.
Speaker 1Yeah, and people understand that. You have to remember that, right, yeah.
Speaker 2Stuff comes up and different things like that.
Speaker 1So anyway, kind of looking at what are your tendencies, are you afraid to talk to people that are superior to you, you know, just really looking at yourself, kind of taking a deep dive into how do I respond and how do I act in situations when I'm around other people. Do I put myself at a compromise or Um, or do I put myself first?
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1And you know that I think that's really important to do. But again, then we talked about I statements um earlier, and so I I think I asked you um, what would you do if you went to McDonald's and you got an order um and your order? You received your order and it was like totally messed up, totally not even anything that you ordered. Okay, so it's not even close, yeah.
Speaker 2Let's say you get a quarter pounder with fries and I get a Filet-O-Fish with brownie. Let's say drive-thru or drive-thru.
Speaker 1Sure, you can take drive-thru.
Speaker 2I mostly do drive-thru. So let's say I pull up at the drive spot because I'm, or the parking spot because I'm gonna eat in my car, because I'm weird, and then I'm gonna open the bag. I do that too, and then I'm gonna be happy because I get a quarter pounder and stuff, and then I'm gonna be upset because I don't get my food. So I'm gonna pull around. I'm either gonna go, I'm probably just gonna go inside, cause I don't want to wait in a drive-thru line cause that's going to take forever.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2I'll just wait at the line and it'll be like excuse me, yeah, I just ordered this through the drive-thru and I noticed after looking at it that, um, this isn't my order, and things like that. Um, so I was wondering if I could get this changed out or corrected.
Speaker 1That is so perfect. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2The.
Speaker 1I statements in there were amazing.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, yeah, I didn't even notice Like I ordered this.
Speaker 1I ordered so-and-so. Whatever, this isn't what I ordered. I forget what y'all said, but you know, could I get a?
Speaker 2Mm-hmm, can I get a?
Speaker 1A quarter pounder with cheese, what I really ordered Exactly. Yeah, yeah, so, anyway, yeah, perfect. Yeah, yeah, um, so anyway, yeah, perfect instead of. You know, some people get really angry and I get it. You know people have bad days. Y'all messed up. You messed up my order like it's like you, you, you, pointing, pointing, pointing the blame. I've seen like public freak outs online and stuff like y'all can't even get my burger right, and stuff like that.
Speaker 1Well, I've seen him in person yeah, I know um, anyway, and I think um, so that's using I statements versus you and you know that's really coming from a place of blame when you say you yeah and so always try to reframe it what it is.
Speaker 1It's distracting the blame, so yeah, yeah, it's what's putting it on something taking the blame off you and putting it on someone else yeah, well, there's, and it shouldn't be a blame, it just should be like this this is that's the point, is okay, so there's no blame. And so I was at the gym the other day and, um, I had signed chase up for gym membership and it's a once a month fee right.
Speaker 1It's so much a month $30, whatever and they billed me on the first and then on the 15th I got another charge. And so when I went into the gym, um yesterday, the day before yesterday, and um I said to the owner I go, hey, I got charged twice this month. I go I mean, I've been here forever, I know that it's a once a month fee, I don't know what's going on. He looked at it and he goes uh, who set this up? And I said, well, so-and-so, and um, he goes, well, he didn't do it right. And I go, he's charging you. He puts you as bi, bi-monthly, so he's going to get billed or bi-weekly is it.
Speaker 1So you get billed every two weeks for the one, the fee. That's. So basically, I'm getting billed twice yeah.
Speaker 1And um. So when I went to go, um, I walked over to the guys later after I got done working out and the gentleman that set me up, he goes. I am so sorry. He said I I messed this up and he was very apologetic and I go, hey man, I go. You were really busy that day. You were trying to work me in and get my son signed up and I had two of you. I signed you up for the summer membership and I right, yeah, and I go. And you were trying to work with a client.
Speaker 1Work with a yeah and while he was doing his reps, you were trying to help me and get me going. I mean, you were crazy that day Multitasking and everything.
Speaker 2I go, I totally get it yeah, and so Well that's nice way to start a conversation about something, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1So anyway, those I statements are so important. And just taking some ownership.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Another thing I think that you can do when you're learning how to be assertive is you know practicing what you want to say. You know. For you maybe that isn't so important, maybe you're better off the cuff, but you know.
Speaker 2For you maybe that isn't so important, maybe you're better off the cuff, but if you really need to write it out, that was the thing about my buddy in high school, david. He would debate you on almost anything, and I mean anything To where the debates would get so funny at the lunch tables Everyone would chime in no, the Roman Coliseum. No, no, no, no, no. Did you know that? And it would be about anything so anyone could get like interested in it. And he was so dang strong about his opinion like he would scream oh, his opinion and stuff.
Speaker 2It was so funny too, like he'd make a little show out of it, yeah um, and it was so funny. So because he expressed, you know, what he liked, what he what he thought was right, his opinions and stuff like that and just he was being funny while doing it, so everyone got a kick out of it.
Speaker 1Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, as long as you're not imposing on somebody else.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Keep your emotions in check. That's a really big thing. It's real easy to get thrown off or get frustrated or get angry or those kind of things. But try to remain calm. That's really, really important. And keep your voice excuse me, keep your voice even, and you know just strong and firm.
Speaker 2There you go yeah.
Speaker 1And then body language. What about body language? What do you think is good about being showing assertiveness through body language?
Speaker 2I mean, don't have like your arms crossed because it kind of shows. You're closed off yeah um like I said eye contact, eye contact eye contact right so keeping um.
Speaker 1You know, don't be making faces firm handshakes, stuff like that. I'm bad at that. I make faces oh yeah don't you notice? Sometimes I go through periods um yeah, so yeah, hands to your side or in your pocket. You know, keep your body open.
Speaker 2Yeah, firm, handshake, all that stuff.
Speaker 1Keep upright position, don't? No, there's nothing assertive about someone hunching over and looking at the floor when they're trying to have a conversation with somebody.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1There's nothing assertive about that, not at all. So. So, anyway, I'm realizing that we have gone almost to 30 minutes here, and I know we like to keep it a little bit shorter for our audience. So anything else that you want to add?
Speaker 2I think you covered it all.
Speaker 1Just a couple of things just to add. I mean, if you can just practice being assertive, it is going to change your world. It will change your life. No, it's not going to happen overnight and it's going to take practice, but you can do it. Anybody can do world. It will change your life. No, it's not going to happen overnight and it's going to take practice, but you can do it, anybody can do it.
Building Assertiveness Through Small Actions
Speaker 1It's a skill that we should all learn. There you go, and it'll build confidence in yourself. It'll build your self-esteem, it will help your relationships, your jobs are going to be more amazing. It'll just help you be better with people overall. And guess what? We all have people in our lives. There, you go yeah, so anyway.
Speaker 2All right.
Speaker 1So I guess what would be a good action, call to action for everyone to take away, to start applying their assertive abilities or their assertive self, I guess speak out on the little things, if anything bothers you. Or practice saying no.
Speaker 2Yeah, like maybe you have a tight schedule, one day and someone has to pick you up or something like that, and it's going to like really really have to like stress you out or time crunch your schedule for you know to get picked up or something like that, and just say, yeah, I wish I could, but I can't today because I have this and this. Yeah, perfect, yeah, you can just speak up and stuff like that.
Speaker 1So yeah, saying no, um, practicing just using I statements in general, that would be a great way to start.
Speaker 2That's how I started, yeah.
Speaker 1You know, I just would say my I statements in anything, because you can do that. Um so just you know and and assess yourself, get a sense about, like, am I one that doesn't share their opinion? Do I think my opinion doesn't matter? You know, figure out who you are inside and all those thoughts that go on in your head.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1And so start with that and then find a way to start working on um your those little issues, um one by one.
Speaker 2There you go yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, so anyway, I think that is our show for today.
Speaker 2I think so alright. Thank you Jesus for this episode.
Speaker 1It was fun and remember you are not alone.