Episode 158 - How the hell do you say EADGIFU??? - TLK S5E3

Eileen and Spencer are on the final season of The Last Kingdom. 

As is the norm, Eileen and Spencer discuss many tangent things during this episode. Uht is torn between finding Brida and going to Fled. What will Brida do with Pyrlig? Will Siggy execute Roggy? Will Stiorra become the new leader? How will Wynn enjoy her new position? Does the Final Fartcy Panty really know how a turd feels? Confused? You won’t be after this episode of Royal Highness!

royalhighnesspod@gmail.com 

This podcast contains adult language and content and is rated 'M' for Mature. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:07

I don't know. Agatha? Okay, we'll get the hang on. Okay, okay, okay, hang on.

SPEAKER_03 0:12

I'll look at him.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Hello. And welcome to the Royal Highness podcast, where sometimes we watch George River River Martin shows for the first time while we're enhanced with cannabis products, and then we talk about them while we're still enhanced with cannabis products. Uh nowadays we're watching Last Kingdom while enhanced with cannabis products and talking about it while still enhanced with cannabis products on Netflix, and then we talk about that instead of the infinite evil. Hello, Spencer.

SPEAKER_03 0:45

Hello, Eileen.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

The Last Kingdom season five, episode three titled Episode three.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

That was beautiful. That was amazing. But before that, a big announcement. They've announced House of Dragons uh premiere date, which is June 21st, which is a Sunday. So our June 24th release episode will be House of the Dragon season three, episode one. Okay. Woo! Okay, back to Last Kingdom. I still like it was this was a pretty good episode, but oh my god. So much happens. So much cutting back and forth. So much. Ah okay. Netflix says, in the aftermath of the tragic battle for First, Sing Trigger is forced to make a painful choice. Edward learns of Ethelflam's intrigues in Mercia. No, Ethelham's not Flaflam.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

At the very end.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Yeah, right. And like, spoiler alert, I I read that, and then I'm watching the show going, okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

When is he gonna learn?

SPEAKER_01 2:05

I have yes, I have I have notes about this. I have a lot of notes about this.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

I have a lot of what the fucks from to today's episode. Yes. And I'm very upset. I'm not upset. I'm like, okay, I said some things that I probably will regret in my notes.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Regret? Wow, that's a big one. There are there are very few things in my life that I regret.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

Well, maybe not regret, but don't think I should say out loud. But I'm going to anyway. Yay. For the benefit of you, listener. And certainly not my own benefit. We get no benefit from this.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

We got a penny once.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

This is We get the benefit of joyfully having fun recording this podcast. This is true.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

This is very true. This is the highlight of my week, man. So it's it's it's up there. Got a cold beverage.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

I don't have any bourbon with me. Uh, but I will say this.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Mine is Angry Water.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

If there, if there was a name that I were gonna give this episode, and I'm sure y'all have great ideas. Well, you said how do you pronounce it? I already looked it up. That's Ejifu is how you pronounce it. Say a foo. Edu. Eju.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

No. That's dumb. Who names their kid that? Who looks at a baby and goes, Oh, little edjufu. Did they sneeze? That's what they wrote down.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

I don't know. Anyway, um, if I had to give this a name, it would be Idiot Ball Jr.

unknown 3:37

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Okay, I'll let you explain that. That one didn't that that that didn't okay. We are again promised violence, nudity, language, and gore. They've they've switched the order of language and nudity.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

Now well, there was no nudity.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

There was no more nudity than language, but there was no language either, really.

SPEAKER_03 4:00

Yeah, this this whole thing. Yeah, we did get an arsenal and a turd.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

All right.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

That's it.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

We got to see a turd too. Oh, there were some floaties in there.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

We saw, yeah, that was that was unnecessary.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

I wonder who's like, hey guys, guys, can we do like fake turds? Those were floaters for sure. Yeah, that's fucking Dennis who had to wash himself in front of the thing when the drone, he's like the turd guy in this episode. Dennis, why are you always gonna be gross? Showed up. From now on, if we ever have a crew member who may or not be fucking things up for everyone else, his name is Dennis.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Dennis. Oh no, one of my elves is named Dennis. Or my one of my gnomes is named Dennis.

SPEAKER_03 4:53

That's true, but I I I've been making fun of Dennis, the crew member, before I knew about your gnomes, which are many in number, listener. Eileen has she has uh too many. A clutch of gnomes.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

What were we looking up? Uh uh the pigs. Pigs. Okay, let's see if Mike knows. Okay, so this came up because we were eating one. Yum. Possibly more than one. Or part of the one. Yeah. What do you call a group of pigs? A stye? No, that's where you keep them. What do you call a group of now? You're gonna say to yourself, what the fuck? I have never thought about this before. Ever.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Have you looked it up?

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Yeah, we have, and what is it? No, no, no. I want you to try to guess. Give it a few guesses.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Um a pork? Nope. No, um, a jowl. No, it's not a part of the animal. Um, a gathering.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

You'll never guess it. I just wanted you to try. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 5:58

Go ahead, Spencer. A ponderer. Isn't that what it was?

SPEAKER_01 6:01

No, it was a drove, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_03 6:04

Hold on, I'll just I'll just do it again. Well, we're probably both wrong. No, a drove adrift, or a herd, or a pastel, or a team.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

There are so many names for it.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

Yeah, and a lot of it has to do with what the pigs are doing at the moment.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Unlike cows, it's always a herd of cows.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

Oh, cows.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

So why are there so many for pigs? They just had pigs doing so many things. Well, we even found a picture of a guy riding a pig.

SPEAKER_03 6:30

I did a very nice 18th-century etching of a man with a top hat riding a giant pig. It was fantastic. Now, here's the problem. Here's the problem is that please look that up, listener.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

It's delightful to see.

SPEAKER_03 6:43

I don't know how we found it, but it's great. I think it was because I looked up uh harnessed pig. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

That's how right, because we were talking about can you train pigs to pull a sled? Like you have a team of pigs. Sure, why not?

SPEAKER_03 6:57

You can indeed, but really the problem is that you have a man on a pig, which is just delightful. And um so the problem with pigs is that they're a food and a beast of burden. So they have many names in that regard. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

Now, according to the side I just looked up, a group of older pigs is called a drove. Okay. Younger pigs are called uh a litter, a passel refers to a group of hogs, a sounder refers to a group of swine.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

And what are swine versus hogs versus pigs?

SPEAKER_02 7:38

I guess they're different. And then a group of boars is called a singular.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Aww. That's bullshit. That's bullshit.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

So what do you think a group of gnomes is, Eileen? A garden is colt beat suit. A group of gnomes. Any idea? Is a garden.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Oh, you can't even uh uh an army of gnomes.

SPEAKER_03 8:04

Army is one. Sure. A rampage, which is adorable. A lawn, especially referring to garden gnomes, and the widely accepted collective noun for gnomes is a doncy.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Yay! I like that one. That one's delightful and whimsical, like gnomes should be.

unknown 8:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

I have some serious gnomes, but serious gnomes, but they're doing their taxes. I got one reading a book. That's not serious. What if he's reading like Terry Pratchett? That's fun. He ain't serious.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

No, I think well, I originally I don't remember what I put on the title. I think it was gonna be something like nomenclature or something like that. Get out that's it.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Okay, what were we talking about? Okay. Uh blah blah blah blah. Uh oh, okay. So, episode title. I said, as we mentioned, how the fuck do you pronounce ijifu?

SPEAKER_03 9:05

Which how you pronounce it?

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Ijifu. Bless you. I'm gonna say gazentite every time you say her.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

I'm just gonna call her Agatha because that's what she sounded like when Edward said it. That's probably wrong.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

I don't think it's only 52 minutes long. Only did it feel longer than that to you? Did you not enjoy this episode?

SPEAKER_03 9:31

I was again, there were parts of this episode where I just got mad. And it it's a lot of it has to do with decisions being made by specific characters and what the fuck was that about? Why did that happen? Who did why are you doing that? Stop doing what is this? God damn it.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

Alright, well, we'll get to all of those what the fucks in uh but first a recap. He is Udrid, son of Udred, blah blah blah blah blah. Uh, we see Rog betraying Siggy and Brita saving Siggy and sending him to find Stuart. They just keep making these mistakes of just not killing them on the spot. See, this is this is the problem here. These people need to be just taking care of business on the spot and then moving on with their lives. But no, no, come out and find Utred.

SPEAKER_03 10:22

Oh, it doesn't make for good drama if you just kill the guy.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

Graham of Thrones would just kill them.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Yeah, but you'd have to develop a new character to fill that hole.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

That's true.

SPEAKER_03 10:34

Game of Thrones had characters out the ass. This one is just like five people.

unknown 10:39

Five people.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

All of England, five people.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

That's how many are in the show. Five people.

SPEAKER_03 10:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Ted. There's Ted.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

There's Ted and Dennis.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

And Dennis. Um Caitlin. Uh Mackenzie with a Y on the end, which is weird. And uh and Pat. I think those are the two. All right. So uh where were we? Oh uh Edith told Fled that she's sick sick. Edwards found a new sweetheart who is helm plots against him using well-trimmed beard guy to go inspy. And uh Steora is gonna come out of the sewers to save her people. And then we see Utrud and his dudes trying to find a way in. Uh-huh. And then we go right to show. We go right to uh a cold open with um Steora walking out and yelling, Brita!

SPEAKER_03 11:49

Brita refers to her her peeps as her beloveds. And and what's horrible about that is that in the captions it says beloveds cheer, as if that's their title and has been all along. I imagine that's how they're referred to in the cast list. Yeah. Everyone who's a beloved, so could we paint in you white? So in the cards.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Did you bring did you bring your own first? Or no? You're gonna know after the paint, you're gonna need to see wardrobe. Go see one. Oh, look at you. You brought your own. Good for you.

SPEAKER_03 12:25

Everybody stand in this square. I mean, it's not a great square, but we're not good at squares here, obviously.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

Yeah, it's it's just made with stints. The fuck.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

Okay. That was the worst. Make the square. Wait.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

None of us are good at geometry. But that's the first time they've showed them making the square.

SPEAKER_03 12:41

They've said how many made the fucking square. That was a bunch of bullshit. That was like set up parking area.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

I thought making no, it looks like they were just laying out where they're gonna put the raised beds. I mean, come on. Yeah, that was. I thought making the square meant that they like using their bodies formed a big enough square. Well, that's funny because for them to fight it. That's yeah, that's every other fight. No, this time they had to bring out the sticks.

SPEAKER_03 13:18

Well, certainly should be, and we wanted to make sure we were all roughly the same size. Well, on a side guy had to have a job.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

So that's right, that's right. This is his summer, you know. When they're not giggle.

SPEAKER_03 13:31

Yeah, EphraWitch has been at peace for some time. I haven't had to put a head on a spike. Now I made squares. Look at all these poles, they're dull. Oh, I've got eight of them.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Oh man, everybody's gathering. I thought they were gonna build the tent with it. I did too. I'm like, what is this all about? Is that they can have a fire in the middle? I didn't I had no idea what was going on. Is that weapons? That's cool. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 14:03

We did kind of skip a tiny bit where the the um where the yeah, they bring out the deaf girl.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Does she have a name?

SPEAKER_03 14:11

Hella.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

Hella? That's a great name. How come I didn't know her name was Hella?

SPEAKER_03 14:18

I don't know. That's her name.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

Okay. If you think it's Hella, but it's not that's not matter anymore, anyway. She did her. Um, because uh Brita kind of figures out that Stiora has like affection for this girl. I mean she figures that out, she clocks it instantly as soon as they look at each other. So she kills her.

SPEAKER_03 14:45

What was that what would what was that gesture that she made? It was like a fist and a in a hand. Was that like don't forget that's thank you for your oval teen? Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

No, that's thank you. Because she she's she tried to save her.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

I see.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

I don't yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:01

I don't I don't speak hands.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 15:04

That's not nothing I've been gonna out of the classical panel.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

This is please, and I believe this is thank you.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

What do I know? I don't know ASL. I'm glad we don't have video because nobody can correct me.

SPEAKER_03 15:16

Yeah, and I'm not being dismissive when I say I don't speak hands. It's just that's what you're doing. You're literally speaking with your hands.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

Uh cut to Udrid slogging through the turdy viny tunnels.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

Yeah, there's floaties, yuck.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

I said, oh shit.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

Boy, they're in the shit now, aren't they? Well boy.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Oh boy. Then it was just that, and then cut back to Stiora and they're making the squares with the Which we already and then it says under in the brackets, beloveds exclaim gleefully. Waha!

SPEAKER_03 15:54

I'm a beloved.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

They raggle rabbbled gleefully.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

Yeah, they did. Um, it's not a great square, and the fight is kind of sad.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

Stewart's got a stone cold stare, though, man. She can just like got that bore right into your soul look.

SPEAKER_03 16:11

Oh, meanwhile, the the fellas have made it out of the poop and into the city, and they're they're starting to like off some folks. There's people hanging out of doors that are helping strangle nearby Icelandic Vikings. It's kind of great.

unknown 16:26

Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 16:28

Stick trigger actually does make the comment, no, I know what a TED feels like.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

I'm like, oh they were in chest high water. They emerged from that tunnel dry and clean. It's the most magic tunnel ever. And that's where I'm going to do my laundry from now on. You can just walk through it and you emerge dry and clean.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

I imagine, and I could be wrong here, but I imagine there was showers after the poop.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

That makes sense. Yeah. That makes per like when you come up from the beach, and there's, you know, before you hit the concrete, there's always like a little pad with a drain and a shower for you to like rinse off any sand.

SPEAKER_03 17:16

You get the sand on your feet or in your boat. Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

It's the it's the turd shower.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

It's the turdation shower.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

Rinse off the floaty turds when you're sneaking into a Roman sewer into a into an ancient city in the British Isles. Because everybody does it. So um there's one guy, and I I don't remember his name. One guy who is in one of the one of the rooms locked up, who is really good at shouting. And he likes to he likes to yell at Styora. Don't do it, Stiora. And the fight's happening, right? And then the guys break in and and they start letting out they start letting out the people who are locked up, including the yelling guy. Right. Right. So the yelling guy gets out and he stands in the middle of the courtyard and just yells. He spent all that time yelling at Styra. Jesus Christ. And then he just yells for fun.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

He's out. Why do you gotta do that? Hey, tell me something.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

Yes, hello.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

When Utrud and the boys, the final pharmacy panty, are sneaky sneaking into town. Okay. They're all there. He turns to them and he goes, You know what to do. Do we quickly do they know what to do? Have they discussed this? When? When bandit is that?

SPEAKER_03 18:54

Presumably while they were slogging through the poop.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

I didn't hear any discussion other than fuck this is gross. Fuck ooh, gross. Oh, what is that? What is that? I don't I can't identify that, and that bothers me. Oh, good god.

SPEAKER_03 19:08

There was corn in that one. There's not even corn here. Uh what are these people eating?

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Right. Good god. Is that a bowl of brown? Is that a complete bowl of brown just floating?

SPEAKER_03 19:20

Like bowl and brown together?

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Oh man.

SPEAKER_03 19:25

So then during the midst of this fight, the uh the Brita's kid just starts wandering. This is where I get so fucking irritated. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Oh man.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Alright. My kid's in the other room. I guarantee you, if I asked her, she would say that she would not go towards the middle of the sword fight. Right. Okay, maybe I'm wrong. So the this okay, that's enough. Gang.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

I take my death into my own hands. Alright. Yeah, there you go. Ask them what they're gonna Ask them what they're gonna be armed with. What will you be armed with? My fists.

SPEAKER_03 20:08

For I wish it to be a quick and painless death. Okay, so not a feather?

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Okay, would you are you more offended or or intimidated by cinnamon sugar or a fucking feather?

SPEAKER_03 20:20

Okay, the kid was carrying a feather around. So she's walking around towards the fight, and and Brita's like, I gotta stop this. And so she grabs her kid and moves her aside. Then we see Pearls guys show up and they get let in.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

So did you see no there now? You've skipped ahead to Peerleg arriving.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

Yeah, because I figured that I mean there's a fight. The guys get let out, the guy yells, the kid walks towards the fight with a yeah. Right. What else I wrote I wrote fucking idiot in here about a kid.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

There was a whole scene. I don't know, remember. Rita and Stior are fighting.

SPEAKER_03 20:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

And then Utrid shows up, and then Rita and Utrud are fighting. But where did Stior go? Why didn't Stior take advantage of this situation? They could have ganged up on her.

SPEAKER_03 21:08

Well, what happened was uh I mean the slip.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

And then Siggy, Siggy and Stior meet up and they hug while they're still fighting.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

Yeah, and they're guys. I really like how a lot of the conversations that were going on were constantly interrupted by someone getting chopped in half. It was like there would be Oh my god, it's so good to see you. And then, you know, cool. Oh my god, you're alive. Dead guy. Oh, I'm sorry. Brilliant. So this kid, I can't, I can't, I can't not. This is I'm so mad. Brita takes her daughter, moves her aside, and says, Vibica, go hide somewhere until the fighting's over.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

No, this child.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

Well, I'm sorry. If you say go hide somewhere, I I shouldn't choose the second highest. Rooftop in the village.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

This child is not smart.

SPEAKER_03 22:07

You should not go on on top of the roof. You should go into a building, under a floorboard, anywhere but the rooftop.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

Into the sewers, perhaps. Ah, who knows? Now, at this point, when Father P and his boys come in, a bunch of the villagers flee to the woods. Yeah. Well, the Danes are getting the shit beat out of them. Now, their mistake is that they just kept going. They didn't just stay in the fuck foot in the woods around the castle.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

Go outside and let the fight happen and then go back inside.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

Go outside and play, and when the adults are done, you can come back.

unknown 22:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

So can I talk about Brida's daughter? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

So now, so now this is where Brida sees Vivi Vivi, um, Man and White on the roof.

SPEAKER_03 23:01

Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

What the fuck? Now, this isn't your asphalt shingles on a, you know, what's a decent pitch for a roof.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

Well, that one was actually not unreasonable. Plus, it had stone, so she could climb on the stone.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Sure. But she's dumb. How is she even I don't know. She's climbing it stupid. No, out in the open.

SPEAKER_03 23:28

On a rooftop.

unknown 23:30

Right.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

Next to Grant You some scaffolding. Well, Utred was on some scaffold, and Brita's over on a thatched roof, and she's like, jump to me, I'll catch you. And Utrid's like, fuck no, come here, I'll save you. Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

I am right here. I you can come to me. And and Brita's like, no, jump to me. I'm thinking, okay, this is have the day you deserve, kid. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:57

So so in what has to be the most stunning display of stupidity I've seen in a TV show in a very, very long time, she makes the leap to the other roof, hits the edge, falls eight feet, and then dies. She fell eight feet. Fell just right.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

You fell eight feet too.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

Shut up. Hey, hey, what fell eight feet? What did she say? She said you'd die if you fell eight feet too.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

I'm like, no, I'm I'm pretty sure you think how do you far do you think Brand fell and he lived?

SPEAKER_03 24:33

Brand probably fell like 30 feet.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Right. His legs ended up a kimbo, but sure.

SPEAKER_03 24:38

His legs were all kind of pretzel-y. Yes. But this little girl, she must have landed on a bunch of swords. There was no indication that that was the case, but there's no reason.

SPEAKER_01 24:48

She's bleeding out of her ear. Did she land on a head sword? I no, I think she hit a stone or something. I think she got the wind knocked out of her when she landed on the roof because she hit pretty hard. Like when you hit something in half. Like if you've ever watched um what's that show? Oh shit. Were they a wall? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 25:11

We talked about that before.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

No, the other one. The other one, uh, just like that. Oh man, they had a Wii version of it. Oh shit. Oh my god, it's so fucking funny. The giant balls they have to run across, and then the big padded things that swing around and smack them off the thing. What's it called?

SPEAKER_03 25:30

Uh uh American Ninja Warrior. Wipeout! Oh damn it.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

Yeah, my kids loved wipeout. It was the it would made it made okay, it made me laugh so hard.

SPEAKER_03 25:41

Anytime people get hit by giant padded things and go flying, it's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Can you imagine the packet of waivers these people at the time?

SPEAKER_03 25:52

They don't broadcast the ones where dudes like break their leg fucking. I'm gonna fight off the padding. I'll just jump over it.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

Nothing's funnier than a belly flop. I'm sorry. Or when they shoot him out of a canon or something. And these people just like kick their legs and like all right.

SPEAKER_04 26:16

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

So Brita falls, uh uh she jumps to Brita, falls to her death, splat, dang, she's gone.

SPEAKER_03 26:31

Okay, but I have to I have to push back yet again because her her her momentum was arrested. She hung up on the eve of that building and then fell. And the fall after that was not far enough to have killed her.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

You're getting into me territory here, Spencer. You're beating this to death.

SPEAKER_03 26:52

I wanna I wanna say this little girl was made out of like tabernacle eggs.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

Maybe her whole brain box of giant.

SPEAKER_03 27:02

There wasn't anything in there. There wasn't anything in there because she she had to put up she had to put on a bandana in order to to sacrifice somebody.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

Here's the thing. Had she been blindfolded, she would have made that jump. That knot would have been in the back, would have cushioned the fall, maybe not a concussion, maybe not dead. She would have made the jump. Rog sees he's losing. So he switches sides. Yeah. Did you did you get you see the video I said, Spencer?

SPEAKER_03 27:31

Yes, I did see that. That's perfect. Uh, those of you uh who watched uh Saturday Night Live will have seen the Bobbin's Sacrifice video or segment where uh Will Farrell plays a hobbit who we will not no no no no don't spoil it, don't spoil it.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

It's so Who sings?

SPEAKER_03 27:53

Who sings?

SPEAKER_01 27:54

Oh my god, please look up uh Will Farrell Saturday Night Live uh Bobbin's Sacrifice.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

It's it's good.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

It's fucking amazing.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

Oh I had a hard time not laughing, audibly laughing while at work when I watched it. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

Okay, so Rita's basically like out of it now. She's her kid's dead, like her kid was like her whole life. That was uh C Nuts kid, right?

SPEAKER_03 28:23

Yeah, I think that there was more to her life than just her daughter. She also really liked killing people, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

But I mean, it was all about the legacy, I think. Anyway, so we have slow, it's kind of you know, now that I think about it, it really does mirror what's going on with Ethelfled and uh Ethelin.

SPEAKER_04 28:46

Oh my god, you assume you got the mother who's in charge, and the daughter who doesn't really want to be in charge.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

So, yeah, think about it.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

Except I don't think Vibeka wanted anything but feathers.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

True, feathers and holding people's hands, which mom took as kill this guy. Maybe she was trying to do that thing where you grab somebody's hand and then grip your thumb to let them know you're being held hostage. Not, hey mom, kill this one.

SPEAKER_03 29:15

I didn't know that is a thing.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Yeah, if somebody ever grabs your arm, like grabs your arm and kind of spins you around and you look, and there's they've got their hand behind their back and they are gripping their thumb with the other four fingers, that means please help me. I am being held against my will.

SPEAKER_03 29:30

I didn't know that. That's cool. The more you know couldn't there be a more overt symbol like help, I'm being trafficked?

SPEAKER_01 29:38

No, because the person with you could possibly become violent.

SPEAKER_03 29:42

What if I've got a sword?

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Well then I say go for it.

SPEAKER_03 29:47

Yes, yeah. Traffic! I'll scare you. Ow, I've hurt myself.

SPEAKER_01 29:52

Yeah. All right. Um, basically, they the Danes are gonna retreat, you know. Yeah, run away. So they put up a shield while so as she's walking out, you get that muddy fighting, and that with the dane, you know, as they're kind of getting out or doing that, you know, fighting the last couple guys as they're yeah, leaving.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

One of those guys, it's definitely Dennis. They can fight us so we can get more screen time.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

And Breed is carrying Vivica Fox and Capper Name's change eight times. Sig has Rog taken by his guys. We do get a good villagers jeering as the Danes leave. We do get a bit Rebel Rebel Barb Rebel. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:39

Robarb, robarb, robar.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

Okay, Steora's watching all this happen, and um and Utrid's watching Rita carry Vibiga away, um, and watching the Danes run off to the woods.

SPEAKER_03 30:52

And then Utrud goes up to Steora and she's like, Why did you let her go? Yeah. Ringing with the thought that fills the room. Because we're like, why didn't you just fucking kill her? Oh, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

And she could have just been cleaned up with the rest of the run fair cleanup.

SPEAKER_03 31:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:06

Just, you know, drag the body out, throw it in a heap. He's like, Look, she had just lost her kid, and I'm thinking. Yeah, and she's it would have made more sense to let her go if her kid had lived. Yeah. Just saying.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

No, I couldn't possibly take advantage of her grief, is what he's saying.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

Yeah. And now, now she hated Utrud before. Now she's gonna blame him for her jumping off the roof and dying, right?

SPEAKER_03 31:40

Even though that was her fault, she chose to jump. You got yourself up there.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

But she would she could have made the art, she could have made the argument that if Utrud hadn't shown up, there would have been a fight at all, that she wouldn't have had a thing. And if she had if he hadn't been like right behind her, she would have been able to get down the right way now without him grabbing her.

SPEAKER_03 31:58

This is turning into me suing the inventor of the fork because I'm fat.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

Where's that is brilliant, although she could have easily climbed down the other side of the church steeple.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

Or just straddled the top of it.

SPEAKER_03 32:12

Just sat there and been like, yeah, I'm gonna stay here. It's cool.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

I don't know. I don't write the show. Okay. Um, bloop doop, boo-doop, boop. It's clappering time. Gudra decides he's gonna go after her. Yeah. Right? And he's gonna have Sithric and the guys go get Brida and find Father P? Or did he is he I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

There's a lot of directions here, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

Anyway, cut two. Do you remember the scene when the uh the Danes were killing all of the soldiers in the courtyard? Sweepy schwappy. Now we've got all the Danes in the courtyard, and the uh soldier dude has got a yeah, Mr. Shoutzalot.

SPEAKER_03 33:00

He's got something brutal.

SPEAKER_01 33:03

It is it is it looks like a pickaxe kind of at one end, and he's using that to give a blow. It looks like right between the shoulder blades, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 33:15

I thought it was back of the head.

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Oh, yeah. Oh, right, the back of the neck.

SPEAKER_03 33:19

Either way, it's this guy, he likes to yell and he likes to clobber. And he's good at both of them.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

And he's all out of bubblegum. What?

SPEAKER_03 33:28

Wow, so he's got balls of steel.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Rog is making his case, and I'm like, oh my god, is he going to save him again? They leave this unresolved at this point.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

Yeah, his case consists of brothers, and that's basically it, which is a dumb case.

SPEAKER_01 33:47

It's a stupid fucking case. She no, no, his other case is she tricked me.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

Uh-huh. I was why don't you just say she was wearing a Icelandic Viking costume? What could I do? Fucking jerk blaming her.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

See the face paint?

SPEAKER_03 34:04

I mean she's just she was acting like a like a Viking. Come on.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

So um it's never her fault. You had to choose.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

Villagers. What?

SPEAKER_03 34:17

It wasn't her fault.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Right, correct. Villagers.

SPEAKER_03 34:20

I mean, she's awful, but this isn't the you never mind.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

So the villagers are with Father P and he's sending them into the woods, and then we have Danes approaching. And it's basically Father P is trying to hold the line between the his guys and um Brita's party, but then he kind of sees that she's just holding the kids, so he lets them go by. Is that what happens?

SPEAKER_03 34:44

He's trying to send townspeople to a safe place, apparently, because back at EffraWitch wasn't a good idea. And then Brita catches him. Now I'm confused too.

SPEAKER_01 34:55

I don't remember. I don't see the scene where she captures them. I just see the scene where Father P she didn't capture anybody, she just captured him. No, because she says he's the only one left.

SPEAKER_03 35:08

Oh, that's later.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

That's later.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

So I don't know. Anywho, see, this is weird.

SPEAKER_02 35:14

It's just like all of the villagers walked just like past Prilig, and then the Danes were surrounding them, so they captured all of them. They captured the villagers and and Prillig. It was just it was it was implied that they caught the villagers as well.

SPEAKER_01 35:31

No following Brita by the bodies. Okay, so Stan and Utred are coming across some of Breda's handiwork in the woods.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 35:46

And it's Stan, right?

SPEAKER_03 35:49

Stan on the horse. And he sees a is that a young lady who had her neck gorged open there by something.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Here's the thing, though. That was nothing. That was nothing. That was nothing. She had a little blood coming out of her mouth. Nothing. This kid just came from a battle.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

Maybe that maybe there was more on the other side that we couldn't see.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

They just splorched all over the place back there. Maybe that's just what's catching up to him.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

Maybe, yeah. That's probably well, yeah. Cause afterwards, Utrud's like, I emptied my stomach into Ragnar's helmet. My first battle. He's like, I remember my first battle. After the fight, he got sick. So yeah. Anyway, I was eating at the time.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

But it was the weakest puke ever. It's like, when was the last time this guy ate? What did he have? A Pop Tart? That's what it looks like. That's all he ate was a Pop Tart.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

He had one of those ensure breakfast shakes.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

Ah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:45

He didn't even have uh Pop Tart, which by the way, Raspberry Pop Tarts, like I've said before on this program.

SPEAKER_01 36:51

I will fight you. I will fight you. I will fight you because the frosted brown sugar cinnamon are the best.

unknown 36:58

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 36:59

We are in a fight.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

All right. So he tells Dan he loves Bri to go, and now he has to go find her.

SPEAKER_04 37:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

And so they fuck off. Back to Winchester. And Bowl Cut uh is arriving.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

No, no, no. This is Random Beard Guy.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

Oh, this is no beard guy talking to Helm.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

Random Beard, as I've started capitalizing the R. His name is Random Beard.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

Rando Beard.

SPEAKER_03 37:30

Yeah, and Ethelhelm or Mr. Doctor House.

SPEAKER_01 37:33

He's so annoying. I just want him gone.

SPEAKER_03 37:35

Oh, don't worry. I'm sure he'll be around until the very end.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

So he's like, hey, guess what? You're gonna love this. Fla fla fla. Not gonna see spring. She's dying.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

And Helm is like, I suppose that means Elfwind will take her place. Mm-hmm. Well, who would be better than my son Elf Weirdo? I can think of a bottom. I'm pretty sure Yeli Guy would be a better leader of Mercia than Elf Weirdo. Oh my god, Elf Weirdo.

SPEAKER_01 38:10

Elf Weirdo. He's like, hmm, he'd better, he'd be better. Now I just have to figure out how evil tented fingers that are twiddling.

SPEAKER_03 38:22

And I'm just like, this guy is so evil, it's annoying. This is where I wrote, oh god, what a joke.

SPEAKER_01 38:30

Right. Back to the woods. Uh the final pharmacy panty and the um Utrud and those guys have all met back up and they haven't found her, and so they have to go back to Everwich.

SPEAKER_03 38:47

I gotta write, I gotta read you what I wrote on my notes for the scene. The fellas say the trail for Brita is cold. He won't quit looking. Then he quits looking. I cannot stop until I find her. Utre, the trail is cold. Fuck it.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

Let's go home. I just remembered. I have a nail appointment in the morning, and it would be good to be back there for a few years. We stay here when you can't.

SPEAKER_03 39:12

Pizza rolls in the freezer. Clap it, clap, clap. I would crush some pizza rolls. I would well, I I am really, really hungry. And I mean I had a burger from the gas station, but that's it.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

You should stop by and eat some ribs.

SPEAKER_03 39:26

I you know I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 39:27

Uh that we're gonna be eating for the next year.

SPEAKER_03 39:31

You know, if you really concentrate, you can get those ribs out of here in three days.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

My husband eats them for every meal. Eggs and ribs sounds really good. Oh, I bet that's delightful. And cold right out of the fridge, too.

SPEAKER_03 39:48

Okay, that's I gotta have to eat them up. Also, I'm out of eggs now, too. I have to buy eggs tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

Anyway, Edward's beard walks I have a fresh egg source now, and I'm so happy.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

Oh, good for you.

SPEAKER_01 39:57

Yay! Okay, if you want some, let me know. I can get you some too.

SPEAKER_03 40:01

All right. We'll talk. Edward's beard walks into the reading room. Um and when I say that, I mean like his the facial hair goes first and then he comes along.

SPEAKER_01 40:11

And then we go, that's right, that's Edward.

SPEAKER_03 40:13

Yeah. Who's this guy? Oh, it's Ed. Okay. So he's upset.

SPEAKER_01 40:17

It's not the king from the King of Hearts card.

SPEAKER_03 40:20

It's not the Burger King either, as you put it as fast. And he's upset with his sister because they haven't uh heard uh from Perlig and he doesn't understand why she didn't send an army. Everything's very confusing.

SPEAKER_04 40:34

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 40:35

Ah, we're missing something, he says. Yeah, yeah. I would say a considerable amount of information has been missed by you, sir.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

Why does Ed keep telling Helm shit?

SPEAKER_03 40:50

Because he's his closest advisor.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

He's like, I'm gonna send a message to fla fla fla. Which means that he's gonna interrupt it. Yeah. It's so fucking stupid. I'm like, stop telling this guy stuff!

SPEAKER_03 41:04

Uh back into town. Don't tell him anything ever. He's a bad guy.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

Utred and Sig, and Sig is like doing the shouldn't have let the Christians in. And I'm like, oh man, say Sig doesn't trust Ed. He thinks he's been betrayed. Sig's like, hey, hey, you should come hang out with us here.

SPEAKER_03 41:28

He lets the cool guy to hang out with them. And Utrid's like, I gotta go back to Rumkova. And I wrote here. Did you say Rum Cola too? I said Rumkova.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

Oh, I said Rum Cola.

SPEAKER_03 41:39

That's good. He has to go back to his cuba libre over there. So uh Utra doesn't swear loyalty to Sig, who takes offense because everyone is horribly offended at the tiniest light in this world. It's so absurd. Oh, you would dare. Oh, I'm gonna remember that forever, even though it was just a minor thing. Wouldn't share you come with me, you bitch!

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Even Stuart wants them to stay and help Siggy. And he's like, look, I just just I just wanna hang out in Rum Cola, put my feet up, play my guitar, wear some flip-flops, maybe. It's winter. Sure would be nice not to have to fight every fucking couple months. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 42:38

She's really not well. She's taking a turn, let's say.

SPEAKER_01 42:43

She keeps hanging on, though.

SPEAKER_03 42:47

And her mother has lost her fucking mind.

SPEAKER_01 42:49

Yeah. She will Edith brings her like, she's like, here, take this, that'll help you sleep. And mom's she's like, no, I gotta stay awake. She will be killed by the Lord! Our God! Oh Jimmy.

SPEAKER_03 43:05

Oh my god, fuck off. Fuck all the way off.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

Uh why can't the priest come in and see her in there? She's gotta get up, put on a robe, probably do her hair, go out to see the priest. School can oh.

SPEAKER_03 43:24

I'm saying she's probably not doing so good in the balls. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 43:33

Wow. There's so much shit.

SPEAKER_03 43:35

Okay. I've said so horrible things in this. I I I said some horrible things in this.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:42

In my notes for this scene, because I just got so mad at Ayleswith for her fucking holy attitude.

SPEAKER_04 43:48

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 43:49

So I called her a cunt. And I said, fuck your sacrament and fuck your not believing in medicine and fuck your incense. And then I said, I could say Latin too.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

Edith is and the funny thing is like Edith is standing there off to the side, rolling her eyes without rolling her eyes, which is hard to do, but you knew you knew what she was thinking. You looked at her and she was just those eyes were so far back in her head. I'm pretty sure she just had her eyes closed, eyes rolled back, eyeballs painted on eyelids.

SPEAKER_03 44:16

Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

And mom is crying during this whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 44:19

I'm like Yeah, because she's like, oh, the incense offends my sensibilities.

SPEAKER_01 44:24

Fled's looking rough.

SPEAKER_03 44:27

Fled's like, I'd rather be laying down. Can I lay down? This isn't helping.

unknown 44:31

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

Why did I have to put on a rope? You couldn't come to me. I mean, maybe it's because that's where the incense urn thing was. He had to be by the stuff.

SPEAKER_03 44:41

Yeah. I can't bring my sensor into a different room.

SPEAKER_01 44:45

Yeah, they need to have a cart. They need to have a cart with the incense stuff on it that they can move from room to room.

SPEAKER_03 44:50

See?

SPEAKER_01 44:52

This is the innovation they need to hire me for.

SPEAKER_03 44:55

Eileen, sacrament to go, right?

SPEAKER_01 44:58

It's just a little kit, like a little, like you know what, babe, they already make them.

SPEAKER_03 45:03

You get a little packet of you get a little packet of wafers, which we've already established. Yep. You do.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

You get a little packet of wafers, you get the I think you get the sash thing. You get a little vial of holy water and a little vial of the oil.

SPEAKER_03 45:18

Some wine as well. I don't know about wine. In case you need to do the Eucharist, I don't know why you wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 45:24

No, see, if this is a Catholic thing, Catholics don't do wine.

SPEAKER_03 45:29

Well, they do.

SPEAKER_01 45:30

They we don't they don't give it to the congregation. Not in Christian. They do now? Yeah. Oh, okay. I when I went to okay. When I was a youngster and we would go to the Catholic church, you'd get the wafer, but you didn't get the wine. I did that was a wild thing to me. I have seen it where everyone gets it was only on special occasions, like Ash Wednesday or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 45:58

I've seen it where the the the congregation gets a wafer, but the priest just stands there with his chalice and just chugs the fuck out of that wine.

SPEAKER_01 46:08

First he takes the Eucharist and he breaks it up and puts it into the wine. But okay, now Mike has a story because he used to be an altar boy.

SPEAKER_02 46:15

All right. Father Roos.

SPEAKER_01 46:19

Oh, you're gonna name names.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

Queen Cecilia's school. He's he's long gone. Yes, yes, yes. Um, he didn't use sacrificial wine, he used sacrificial bourbon. And we had to put the bourbon to the little cruets with the water, and it was and he always used the big cruets, which was probably a 16-ouncer dude. And we'd pour all of that into his chalice and a drop of water, and then he would do the whole blah blah blah blah blah and then chug that son of a bitch. Oh yeah. Father Roos. And he would do three masses a morning, so he had at least, you know, at least 32 ounces of bourbon in a by the by noon.

SPEAKER_03 47:05

This kind of kind of reminds me of Jesus stuff. Guys, guys, guys, I got a great idea. We should totally open a restaurant.

SPEAKER_01 47:15

Okay. So Helm and Beard are talking, and Beard has gotten some guys to be on his side if Fled dies, right? Basically, he's like, if you pay them off, but we have to get to wherever before Fled does.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

So if they can't and he's got a saddlebag filled with money.

SPEAKER_01 47:33

Here's where we find out what Edward's new girl's name is, because she's getting dressed to sneak out early in the morning doing the walk of shame. She reaches for something in the dish. I didn't know what it was at the time. It was just like rings or earrings or something. Yeah, her rings. And and he does the whole, it's too early. You should come back to bed.

SPEAKER_03 47:55

Come over here and stroke my beard.

SPEAKER_01 47:57

Oh no, please no. Oh my god, I'm so glad it ended with beard.

SPEAKER_03 48:03

Look how it makes my face look so much worse. Touch my beard.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

There's just so much of it. It covers so much of his baby face. Anyway, okay.

SPEAKER_03 48:13

So much.

SPEAKER_01 48:14

It is so and this is when he does that, this is where and he I don't does he say her name because it just says Edgew. Edu. Edu. Edu.

SPEAKER_03 48:26

It sounded like he said Egit.

SPEAKER_01 48:28

Laughs or something.

SPEAKER_03 48:29

I it's a horrible name.

SPEAKER_01 48:31

Edgefu laughs softly is what it said. What okay, listener? It is spelled E A D G I F U. I'm convinced it stands for something.

SPEAKER_03 48:44

I'm gonna I'm gonna click on a how-to-pronounce link here and see if I can hear it, and then I'll re repeat it back to your ears.

SPEAKER_01 48:52

Oh my god. I can't wait.

SPEAKER_03 48:54

Ad for a new car payment goes away. There we go. Here we go. Yagafu. Or unlock pronunciation by watching the short ad eat my ass. No!

SPEAKER_01 49:08

I just want to know this game sucks. Oh, funny. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 49:14

Edgefu.

SPEAKER_01 49:15

Whatever her name is. Edgy. I'll call her Edgy. Turns out the queen has decided she's gonna go learn embroidery because they're making a tapestry for Alice, some girl who was blessed by St. Cuthbert in some way that we're unaware of. And she doesn't want to hurt the queen. This you know what? She's really cool about this whole thing. She's like, look, I know you got a missus. I know the two of you don't get along, so this is fine, right? He's like, Will you come back tonight?

SPEAKER_03 49:51

He's please come back tonight and run your fingers through my beard. No, no, I would have soup bits stuck in it for you.

SPEAKER_01 50:03

No, oh god, no. I uh see, I'm not a fan of the big beer. Uh Helm comes in, she's like, whoop, leaving.

SPEAKER_03 50:16

He's like, hey guys, sorry about oh hi.

SPEAKER_01 50:18

Um hey, your sister's sick. And not long for this world. He's like, Bullshit. Bullshit. I don't believe you. And Helm's still like, uh no, dear. Uh I am deeply, deeply sorry, but this is the truth. You know, that could explain why she didn't send any help for Sigi. She knew she's gonna die. He she tells him this. And as he's talking, you just see Edward's face go from bullshit to oh fuck. Yeah, it's all making sense now.

SPEAKER_03 50:53

And then he just stands there.

SPEAKER_01 50:55

Right, and then he tells the guy to fuck off. So the guy fucks off. And then he's like, Are you gonna go to Marcio? He just looks at him and says with his eyes, fuck off. Yeah. Which the guy does. Because that's all you can see of his face is his eyes through the beard. Yes, it's mostly beard, isn't it? Yes. Back to the final pharmacy panty, and Phil is telling Utred about Fled being.

SPEAKER_03 51:23

Yeah. And he's not happy. Uh, but no, because he's like, she was fine.

SPEAKER_01 51:30

She was just fine. What happened? So then uh Edith and Fled arrive, and Bullcut has to carry her into the palace.

SPEAKER_03 51:41

I wrote Eldham has to carry her bony ass into Ailisburg.

SPEAKER_01 51:45

She's got that, like you remember in the Victorian era when all the girls were trying to look consumptive?

SPEAKER_03 51:54

Yeah, like ah, we all got tuberculosis, nice.

SPEAKER_01 51:58

Yeah, so now we're all pale and sickly. That's what she looked like. Is that she's got that Victorian pretty look going on? Yeah, it's not a good look. Um, no, she's not looking great.

SPEAKER_03 52:08

Utrud actually kind of cries.

SPEAKER_01 52:10

Yeah, they can just kind of flop her on the bed though.

SPEAKER_04 52:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:14

She's just gonna boot. Okay, she's fine. She's good. Oh man. And Utrid's, yeah. This is where Udrid's like, she was fine. We've we've we fought like we always do. And Finn's like, dude, I promise you, I didn't tell you because I needed you to concentrate on the battle. Yeah, and your daughter.

SPEAKER_03 52:36

I was told not to tell you.

SPEAKER_01 52:38

Right. So you can see this is this is a credit to the actor. Udrid has this really good internal fight with himself to find a good comeback for that.

SPEAKER_03 52:49

Yeah. And he can't. He acts for a minute or two. It's pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 52:53

Yeah, it was good. It was like, ooh, earned his paycheck today. Boy, nice, nice, nice. Then Finn's like, you gotta go to her. And uh Udrid's trying to pull himself together. So Finn tells him to go, there's still time.

SPEAKER_03 53:06

And then she's he tells Torah and immediately she'll immediately she goes all poly sigh on him. This will make it difficult if Mercia has no leader. I'm like, oh fuck off, kid.

SPEAKER_01 53:19

Right? She's like, I want some smart lines.

SPEAKER_03 53:22

Can we not talk about this? My girlfriend is sick and dying, yeah. Allegedly.

SPEAKER_01 53:28

But then she's watching him walk away and she's got this look on her face, like, I've got the coolest dad. I mean, look how he draws his look at his long hair. I got a cool dad. And then they ride off. Is he? Yeah, that's true. We don't know how old he is. We don't know how old he is. He's at least one baby old. Well, at least one nine-year-old old. Something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 53:52

He's uh he's at least times two years old.

SPEAKER_01 53:56

Yeah, so Katabrida preparing Vivica and Father P uh the this is what she says, he's the last one of the villagers they came across.

SPEAKER_03 54:06

She doesn't know who he is, does she?

SPEAKER_01 54:09

Does she? Micah's nodding. I don't know if she does or not.

SPEAKER_03 54:12

Maybe that's why she spares him. Because he's plot critical.

SPEAKER_01 54:19

Right. He's a named character. We have to hang on to him and not kill him right away.

SPEAKER_03 54:23

They did get black eye.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

And which later is just like a slight bruise. Anyway, Flood wakes up and she's like, Mom, I need to talk to Wyn. I have to name her myself. So Volcott goes together. She's coughing, she's gonna die. Uh-huh. And Wynn and her girlfriends are cat calling some poor kid. Oh my god, this poor boy.

SPEAKER_03 54:52

This loony motherfucker putting thatch on her roof.

SPEAKER_01 54:57

Like, like he needs this shit. He like gets one potato a day for doing this work. And here are these like rich bitches giggling at him. Fuck you. You don't know how big my schlong is. You only knew I'm sorry, what did you just say? It's always those um men who are like you look at him and you go, and then you find out later, oh yeah, I'm like a horse. It's like, what? I never noticed that before, but okay. I it's just a thing.

SPEAKER_03 55:29

Mike's nodding.

SPEAKER_01 55:30

Yeah.

unknown 55:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 55:31

It's still weird, yeah. Anyhow.

SPEAKER_03 55:34

I don't. So anyway, Bullcut gets Elfin, and then she starts bitching up a storm about how uh her she's mom's gonna ask me to do something because she can ban bitch, man, maybe. And then Bullcut's like, listen, bitch. You're gonna be good to your ma because she's sick of dying, and you're gonna start, you're gonna start listening to her. You're gonna do what she wants because she loves you. She loves you, kid. That's what I mean.

SPEAKER_01 55:55

And she kind of straightens up. She goes, Oh.

SPEAKER_03 55:58

Fine. Uh we'll do what you say. All right. And then we cut to the room where it's very sad. Very sad.

SPEAKER_01 56:06

Explain to me how the only way she stays safe is if she's the successor.

SPEAKER_03 56:11

Because in order for her okay, I actually had to think about this myself in order to wrap my head around it. Good, good, good. Now, if she were not to to be on the throne and to have what amounts to the Queen's Guard of Mercia supporting her and and uh Eldhem helm, she could be sought out and killed in order to con con to to make certain that someone else takes over Mercia. And the and at least couldn't they do that anyway? No. But the prize of Mercia leaving the royal family, quote unquote, would be too great if she were not on the throne. It would be too hard for anyone to pass up. If she's on the throne, she has the backing of at least Aldhelm. The people loyal to the well, some of the Witten, the people that are loyal to the throne, regardless of who is on it.

SPEAKER_01 57:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 57:11

And as a consequence, she won't be hunted down and and killed. It's it it makes sense if you can say it in English, and I can't. It's just it it's it's more it's more safe for her to be on the throne than not. It makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 57:28

So basically, Flood convinces her to serve as Queen, and uh Flood assures her that the wind's gonna stand behind her, and I'm like, is that true? I don't know about that. So mom's like, let me take Wynn to the church so you can get some rest. And uh Flood goes, Mother, and mom's like, shut up and rest.

unknown 57:47

Just like, damn.

SPEAKER_01 57:49

No, and uh she coughs again. So Bullcut gives her some water and Edith is watching, and this is where Bullcut's like, look, you've gotta at first I thought she was gonna say you have to marry when.

SPEAKER_03 58:04

I thought something I thought honestly, I thought she was gonna ask him to stab her.

SPEAKER_01 58:11

What?

SPEAKER_03 58:12

Put her out of her misery. Oh my god. Now that she has a successor lined up, I need you to do something. Put it put an end to this.

SPEAKER_01 58:20

Oh my gosh. No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 58:22

You gotta witness to prove that you're good. Do a little bit of a thing. Well, he didn't do either she didn't ask either of those things.

SPEAKER_01 58:27

She didn't ask him to marry Wim, and she she what she did ask is to be his her guide and advisor. Yeah. And he's like, of course. And he says, I'm gonna go talk to the eldermen, and man, he goes out the hallway and has this unrequited love moment where he's breaking down in the hallway.

SPEAKER_03 58:44

He well was it the unrequited love, or was it just the oh shit, man, she's finally dying, kind of sadness.

SPEAKER_01 58:52

I don't know. I really don't know.

SPEAKER_03 58:54

And also, he just got a lot of respect. Sent to his face.

SPEAKER_01 59:00

But also, I mean, they've gotten all they've always gotten along. I mean, she he was always loyal to her in even in the during the red times, right? Mm-hmm. So all right. Beard's telling some dudes in a tavern that Wiz not fit to rule, then he pulls out a money bag bag and says, Hey, Helm has an idea.

SPEAKER_03 59:22

I got two syllables for you. Weirdo.

SPEAKER_01 59:27

Oh, I was gonna say cu ching. Oh, now we get a tapestry weaving scene. What the fuck was this? The fuck was this? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 59:37

What the fuck was this?

SPEAKER_01 59:38

It was wild because the queen's talking about this Alice girl, right, who's apparently had a vision from St. Cuthbert, and she says she's going to take the tapestry that they're working on that tells the tale with her to wherever the fuck fuck Constantinople is.

SPEAKER_03 59:59

Well, no, it's this island that apparently is somewhere close to Scotland, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:04

Okay. And Edward's like doing that, could send a signal that we're laying claim to that aisle. That could be very bad for us politically. Um, you really know that that's not great. Yeah. And she's and uh you didn't ask. Right. Right. And tr Alice tries to make her feel better.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:30

That was so awkward.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:32

Oh my god, she just sort of spouts, You'll do great, it'll be fine. Go have some tea. Okay, good. Okay, good, good. And then Helma's like, You really shouldn't provoke the king like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:46

We're going to have a harsh conversation just out of earshot of someone who recently enters entered into the plot who will tell the king.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:55

Yeah, and in Eggy Mike's finger. I have a question because I don't know whether it was something that they didn't catch or whatever, but when she's trying to be all serious and cryy about being told that she was wrong, and then Alice, the Wonder Girl, says, God loves you, God will do this things. She chuckles when she's throwing her tears. And I'm like, that doesn't seem right. Does she just not believe in God, or is does she just lose it and they just kept it in because it was okay?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:25

Trying to smile, I think, and it just came out weird.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:29

I just look like No, I think she just realizes what they're doing is wrong and that God would not love this. Yeah. And that she understands that what she's doing is bullshit. And okay. So fair enough. Anyway. Yeah. Uh so Edgy hears Helm and the Queen talking about everything and goes to Edward with the information. And this is where we had quick scene cuts. It's just This was good. Uh fuck.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:57

Edward's beard is all like, what?

unknown 1:02:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:01

I so he bribed the Witten? Oh, I must do something about this. So then he takes his beard over to the left. Yeah. And he hatches a plug. Yeah. Well, not really.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:13

Not really, though, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:15

A plot to get Weirdo and House and Ed all in Mercia at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:21

Or at least on the road together.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:23

Yeah. Which means shit going down.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:28

He's like, I'm going to Mercia. I think you should come with me and bring Weirdo with you.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:33

Well, perhaps uh perhaps else we should go with your. Maybe I accompany him all.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:42

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:43

Off with your evil.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:45

Then we go back to Ushud in the final Farty C Pani heading to go see Fled. Then we see Rog pounding on his cage and calling for his brother.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:54

And then we cut to Steora being like, look, I know it's a drag that your brother's in a cage. I love you for putting him there and not just killing him. And I'm like, fuck, he didn't just kill him. That's that's how that is. That got resolved. He didn't get a pike in the back of the head. What? With no stabby thing in the back of the head.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:15

They decide to let the gods decide.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:17

Yes, Dior's like, you've given him tons of chances. Man, let's let the gods decide. So Stig's like, okay. So they go down to the dungeon, like you do. He's like, I tell you what, you got two choices. Quick death right here. Or a public trial. Pick now. And Rog's like, you won't go through with it. You won't make me do it. I know you. So he picks a public trial.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:43

Can I read you what I wrote for this? Don't ever pick public trial. It's brief. So a public trial is a choice. A whole mess of dirty people get to watch this. Some people throw rocks. One guy spills his beer. Pick up the iron bar and walk nine steps. It's that simple. But it's a hot bar in hot water. This should hurt a great deal. Guess we'll find out next week because fuck you.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:13

Those folks were there for it, man. They knew what was coming. They watched them put that hot, what looked like a like period, like a Toblarone shape. It did look like a metal toblerone.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:28

Yeah. It's the metal toblerone of pain. It's the it's just a a a rod, steel rod that they use to make swords out of. I was gonna say it's probably a sword blank. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:39

All right, all right, okay. But uh you know, you just got those laying around.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:43

Well, you gotta make swords. I like it.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:45

You know, and it's still they can still use it afterwards, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:48

Well, this is the sword made from the Toblerone that killed your brother, isn't it? Sig trigger.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:55

Killed him through their hands. Somehow. You know how you kill somebody through their hands, don't you? No. Sepsis. Oh, yeah, of course. That's takes a while. All right, and that's gonna leave a mark too. Whoo, that's it. Did we miss anything, Mike? Did you see anything we didn't?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:14

Why didn't Sigtrigger shoot Breda with the arrow? I think he missed.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:20

I think he missed.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:22

I think he was trying not to hit uh okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:26

And then when he knocked out the bars to jump out the window, he picks up a stool and he knocks out the two center bars, then they cut back to him, and all four bars are missing. But he put the stool down already.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:39

It's like okay. Continuity error.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:44

My guess is uh they had to do that scene several times, and after a while they were like, I'm not putting the other fucking two back in.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:54

I did have one possible title, but uh I'm gonna use yours, Eileen. But uh my title was cudgeling the Captives. Cudgeling? Oh, cudgeling, yeah. Cudgeling the captives. That's what they were doing. Splorch. Splorch.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:08

Hey, thank you so much for listening to this nonsense. Please let us know you should listen every day. Every day I open the email account. Every day. Every day I open the email. And uh nobody ever writes to us. Even spam has stopped. I don't know. Uh, we did get one of those. Hey, send me $26,000 and I can turn it into, you know, $50 million prints from whatever. But, you know, tell other people about us if you listen, you know, you six people. Or just, you know, Royal Highness Pod. I'm not spelling it out because Spencer gets mad when I I will lose my goddamn mind. At gmail.com. You can message us on Facebook. I actually look at those. I do. I will. I want to thank our producer Mike. Thanks, Mike. Uh, and the fine folks over at Injured Nerves Productions. We can't wait to do it all again next week. But until then, love you. Bye.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:11

Adios. More chaps.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:17

Royal Highness is an Injured Nerves production. It is produced and directed by Mike Vegan and is available on all podcast networks. The comments and opinions expressed here are those of the hosts and their guests, and are not affiliated in any way with Netflix or the Last Kingdom series. If you would like to contact us, you can do so at RoyalHighnesspod at gmail.com. Thanks for listening. We hope you come back to listen again.