Episode 163 - The Kiss OR Targ’s Gonna Targ - HoD S3E1

It’s season 3 of House of the Dragon! Eileen and Spencer are very excited to watch the newest season. What will become of Raenerya? Who won the sea battle? Will Sheepstealer see a dragon dentist to clear up that underbite? Will Highleen remember everything from the past? Who survives and who doesn’t? Will Aegon go with Larys to the Foot Convention? Bitchfist?

Confused? You won’t be after this episode of Royal Highness!

Be sure to stick around after the closing credits for some bonus random conversations that Highleen and Spencer had that were cannabis induced thoughts. 

royalhighnesspod@gmail.com 

This podcast contains adult language and content and is rated 'M' for Mature. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:18

Hello. We're just gonna jump right in. I'm not even gonna do any banter because uh I got 10 pages of notes, guys. Um hello and welcome to the Royal Highness Podcast, where we watch George Martin shows for the first time while we're enhanced with cannabis products, and then we talk about those shows while we're still enhanced with cannabis products. And tonight we've watched the first episode of season three of House of the Dragon. Hello, Spencer.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

Hello, Eileen.

SPEAKER_05 0:48

My god, House of the Dragon. It felt so good to be back.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

I I I typed a thank you note to the theme music.

SPEAKER_05 0:56

I did too. I was like, it feels so good to hear it. But first, we had approximately three hours of recap. Oh my god, we did. Oh, it went on for forever. This one has an episode title, and you know what? It's a good one. I'd say I don't want to no notes, as the kids say. A HBO Max said, Oh, the title is okay. So let's how's the dragon season three, episode one titled Did you write it down?

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Sea and Salt, Fire and Blood.

SPEAKER_05 1:28

Was it sea and salt or was it salt and sea?

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Uh, I read it the backwards then. Salt and sea, fire and blood. There's a second take with more more stank and the right order.

SPEAKER_05 1:40

Ah, very good. All right. HBO Max says driven by her faith in Alicent, Rainera positions herself to take King's Landing while the Triarchy sails to take on Corlus in the gullet. Show enough. Yeah, you know, couldn't argue with that because none of it made a bit of sense.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

Not after 16 years of being away from the show. I and that's the one thing I typed. Who is that? What's her name? What's going on? About 15 times. There were some people I remembered, and by the end of it, I was up to date.

SPEAKER_05 2:19

Yeah, by the end of it, I think I had figured out most people's names.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:24

But at the beginning, sometimes you'll hear me refer to them as this guy.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

That guy. Yeah. This person, this one, she.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Quick question. How many times did your brain function to uh take you back to Oot and his team while you're watching things on the TV?

SPEAKER_03 2:42

Well, one in particular because we saw somebody who we had just seen. Chicken wing. Oh no. To some to some oh wait, who else? Helena is played by the same actress who was Elfwyn.

SPEAKER_05 2:58

Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 3:02

Helena.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

The Ditzy The one who talks to Bucks. Yes. Yeah. Is Elfwin? Yeah, you bet your ass. The horny one? No, no, no. Well, yeah. The one who at the end of the yeah. Yeah, she was off to get married to Kinleff. Yeah. Oh god, I thought I thought I could have put this shit out of my mind, and here we are talking about it again. Hey, it's all right.

SPEAKER_05 3:38

So, well, I didn't know that, but there you go.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

Uh I'll confirm it as we go if you'd like.

SPEAKER_05 3:45

So okay. I couldn't tell if we were gonna get any violence or nudity or anything because I didn't see any like on it. So I said, we'll go back and I'll I'll tell uh we'll talk about it later. Did we get uh violence? Yeah, did we get it was like a boardroom the whole time. Did did we get any language? Oh yeah, uh none of this arsling shit anymore. We've got fuck. We've got a lot of fucks in this episode. There were so many fucks. Oh my god. We got uh gore, I would say.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

Did I see a guy holding on to his guts? I believe I saw.

SPEAKER_04 4:26

Did you see that?

SPEAKER_03 4:27

I thought I did. It was either that or he had just like a big ball of or a big handful of like insulation. And then he got his head chopped off anyway. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 4:36

Well, uh, and and was there nudity? Yes, there was at least one boob.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

Yeah, and of course, it had to be a rapey boob, and I was very sad. Out loud in my living room with no one around, said, Sir, stop raping! And that was pretty cool to do with. What's that from? The big fella says it. Dunk says it when he's pretending to be a knight. Oh right, right. Oh god, and and that uh that's the highlight of my life.

SPEAKER_05 5:14

Oh man, I'm so looking forward to the second season.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

It's gonna it's gonna be 2035 before season two comes out. We're we're all gonna be from the home.

SPEAKER_05 5:28

Oh man, 2035. What is that? In uh nine years? Yeah, I'm not gonna be in a home in nine years. At least I hope not. I'm not even gonna have I'm still gonna be young and spry.

SPEAKER_03 5:42

I hope not. Or as spry as I can. Well, see, my birthday is in three days. Oh, and I intend to be very, very old that day.

SPEAKER_05 5:54

Um, how how many olds are you gonna be?

SPEAKER_03 5:58

Well, if you don't count the bourbon I'm consuming Wednesday night, I will be 44 olds. Okay, okay, but with the bourbon 75 or 80.

SPEAKER_05 6:14

Recap. Whoo, deep breath, flex fingers. This is gonna be a doozy. That's what I wrote. Kid on a dragon, eye patch on a dragon, Eamon and the blonde lady. No, Damon and the blonde lady, dead kid. Uh, he declares war. I was so high at this point. Damon ordered the killing of the kid. Okay. Aegon's kid was killed at Damon's order. Right. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

So we have Damon taking Yeah, it was Aegon's kid.

SPEAKER_05 6:48

Aegon's kid, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

Aemon is not wed. Right. He's the eye patch. That's right. Okay. And Helena and Aegon are brother and sister, and had two children, one of which had his head separated from his neck by the two the two nefarious fellas, blood and cheese, I believe.

SPEAKER_05 7:12

They're brother and sister?

SPEAKER_03 7:14

Yeah, it's the Targaryens. What do you expect?

SPEAKER_05 7:18

Well, we get a little more of that kind of nonsense later on.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

I did not have any use for that. In fact, this show makes me type nope more often than any other program we have watched.

SPEAKER_05 7:32

Moving on. Damon's taking Haran Hall. Uh, there's a girl there sassing him. We see Aegon. Aegon is making Cole his hand. And then we see, is it Chris Kristen and uh Aegon Aemon plotting? And then we see Grandma kicking ass on her dragon.

SPEAKER_03 7:55

Yeah. Epic dragon battle. Is that her name?

SPEAKER_05 7:57

Grandma dying. And then Aegon waking up. The queen and her confidant, whose name I can't remember, and I never did remember.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Oh, you mean that woman with the accent that's all over the place?

SPEAKER_05 8:10

Yes, that's following her around. And I can't remember her name either. And they kiss. And I totally forgot that it happened. I don't know why. We get uh Bela and Jace, who I wrote, we get the girl and the prince going out to find the formidable dragon. No, what was her name? Sister of Bela.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

Uh Rain Rain Rain Raina Raina, yeah. I found that out about three-quarters of the way through. Yes, when my like that woman's name is Masaria. In real life? No, her name is Sonoya Mizuno in real life, but her character's name is Masaria. You just said that like you knew it. How I looked it up. I'm looking at it. It's a catalyst. Okay. Google's really great. But you said it really well. Thanks. I read. Yeah, I know, but it's not an easy day. I'm just hey. Thank you very much indeed.

SPEAKER_05 9:12

All right. Adam of Hull and some other guys whose names I can't remember.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

Was it Adam or Alan?

SPEAKER_05 9:20

I wrote Adam of Hull, but I might have read it.

SPEAKER_03 9:24

Were we both wrong? Was his name Jim? No, that's Dennis. No, that's uh Dennis. Oh fuck, Dennis, he's back.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Dennis of Hull. No, it's Alan. Alan Hull is his name.

SPEAKER_05 9:37

Yes. All right. Well, I wrote it wrong. Cole is gonna uh so Allison's telling Cole he has to take Sir Gawain into battle, right?

SPEAKER_03 9:46

Yeah, isn't Gwain like her brother or cousin or some something? They're related. Something like that.

SPEAKER_05 9:54

I don't know. I think it's her brother. It is her brother.

SPEAKER_03 9:58

Okay. Gawain High Tower. Yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_05 10:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. And then he just says, was that him that says they've given we've given the woe to the dragons?

SPEAKER_03 10:12

Yeah, well, says it, I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:15

Cole says that. Okay. I had paused it at this point. I am sweating because I realize this is taking forever. All right. And as it's paused, I realize he has a necklace and it's made out of hands. Actual hands? No, little gold hands. They're all interlocking hands around. I'm like, okay, most guys just go for the pin. Very subtle. Useful as a cloak holder, you know. No, not him. He's like, man, I want everybody to know I am all the hands.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

Are you talking about Otto? Did Otto have a hand necklace? Is that what you're talking about?

SPEAKER_05 11:02

I don't know. There was a dude who had a necklace made of hands.

SPEAKER_03 11:07

The older fella.

SPEAKER_05 11:09

No, young guy. I'll find the picture.

SPEAKER_03 11:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 11:14

All right. So um so long ago. The queen uh uh Rainey has decided she needs more dragon riders and they're gonna go looking and raise an army of bastards, right?

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Yeah, so they pick Alf and Hugh and Alan's brother, whose name eludes me. Mike? What's his name?

unknown 11:34

Mike.

SPEAKER_05 11:35

His name is ironically Mike.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

It's I don't I don't know. I think it's Adam. God damn it. I don't know. Alan. It's Alan. No, Alan's the first one.

SPEAKER_05 11:47

Oh man. I'll have to call him Alan one and Adam. His is Adam.

SPEAKER_03 11:51

Oh my god, are you kidding me? Adam and Alan. So you got all and Adam.

SPEAKER_05 11:58

Here's what I want to know. I want you to I want you to be really good with just why the last show we watched, The Last Kingdom. Lovely show. They had names like Ethelfled and Elfwin and Kalamawak. And then we come over here and there's like Adam and Cole. Because this is fiction, and truth is stranger than fiction. I'm just saying, these guys are the ones who should be having the names. I mean, we've got Amon and Aegon. Again, don't get me started on they're off by one fucking letter.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

Um agons are there. When you do a generational program, you can't. Yeah. Oh god. I'm on it all berries.

SPEAKER_05 12:52

It's just his little face and all different emoji faces of him. Like one side has hair and the other side doesn't.

SPEAKER_03 13:01

It's just a bunch of burnt blonde guys. The most disappointing breakfast I've ever had.

SPEAKER_05 13:09

Oh god. Tastes like salve. Okay. So hello.

SPEAKER_03 13:15

Oh, my favorite.

SPEAKER_05 13:17

So the slight hint of leeches. So the who is this? Is this Jace who's whining about if the if all these folks are Targaryans, then what the fuck are we? And Bale is like, uh, you're the fucking crown prince, so fucking act like it.

SPEAKER_03 13:34

Yeah, he was still wrestling with the fact that his parentage was in question. Even though he done sprang from the loins of the queen herself.

SPEAKER_05 13:44

Yeah. There's just like there's no there's no doubt in the DNA.

unknown 13:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

You know, well, but his father is Cole. No, his father was some other knight. Some other night. Okay, yes. I can't remember.

SPEAKER_04 13:58

Oh, remember some other night?

SPEAKER_02 14:00

I remember that other night.

SPEAKER_03 14:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

Sorry, some other night as his father was a Tuesday.

SPEAKER_03 14:07

I can't remember. All right. What the fuck is his name? I keep going back to the this is gonna be all up in my shit forever. His name was Strong.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

Strong. Strong. He's a strong man.

SPEAKER_03 14:20

He's a strong man.

SPEAKER_05 14:21

He's a strong man. Yes. We are still we are still on the recap. Okay, honey. We still got like five paragraphs. Ray BC, Rainy and Dragons, and Damon and the Crown Prince Oscar are talking. And Damon's like, I want the Riverlands. And she he's like, okay. So then Rainy's guys are hoping Damon's gonna raise an army. Yes. So she's sending a guy to Heronhall to figure out how Damon is doing, right?

SPEAKER_03 14:50

Yes, that was Broom. And remember, he was kind of a smart ass to Rainera, so she was quick to get rid of him.

SPEAKER_05 14:57

There's a guy named Broom. Yeah. See, anybody listening to us, like back to back to back to back, are just gonna be just completely baffled by the fact that I can't remember these people's names. But if they ever met me in real life and I looked at them with the the blank stare, that only can only mean we know each other, and I know we know each other. I can't remember who you are. So it happens more often than I like to admit. So she's sending Broom, I guess, to figure out how D's doing. Uh he's having a vision, telling the Rainy she's the true cute queen. And is this a vision or did this actually happen? Where he he he and everybody were like, We fight for our queen, and they're like, Yeah. And then we see somebody who sounds like Jon Snow telling Oscar. I thought it was a Stark because he was like, he talks like this, like she's my queen. And who who's he telling that he's like, Yeah, we'll fight for you, we'll fight for the queen. Is he telling Jace that? Okay, remember Jace. I thought it was Oscar again. Yeah, that he's got some gray beards, and sure we'll show up. What the fuck? Bela, is it Bela telling Corlus that um Rainey's gonna name him hand? Yeah, and then we see him make out if did he ever accept that? We don't know. We see him clutching it, we see him clutching the pin in that sort of you know, Arthur fist moment, but I don't know. Man, that comes up here more often than I'd like.

SPEAKER_03 16:32

Um, why do you you watch a lot of Arthur, don't you?

SPEAKER_05 16:36

I don't I see that meme all the time though, and every time it makes me go, yep.

SPEAKER_03 16:42

Anyway, we've we both have a lot of pent-up rage.

SPEAKER_05 16:45

Yes, we do. Okay. They also enjoyed the book Where is my hat?

unknown 16:51

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 16:53

No, it's called I Want My Hat Back.

SPEAKER_03 16:55

Well, that is also what it's called, and I do for those of you who'd like to hear that book, go back a few episodes.

SPEAKER_05 17:03

It's delightful, and and it made me smile, and it was told perfectly. Cut to Corless talking to now, we've decided his name is Adam? Alan. Alan! No, Alan is the Alan of Hull. Because I wrote Adam and you said no, it's Alan, and so Adam is the one with the dragon. Yeah, Adam of Hull?

SPEAKER_03 17:27

Oh my god. Yeah, Adam has a dragon. Yes, Alan does not.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Alan!

SPEAKER_05 17:36

Okay, so who this is Alan. He's now a first mate. Yes, okay, cut to le so keep that in mind, kids. Laris is explaining to Aegon that he needs to get the fuck out because Chicken Wing wants to kill him. And then we see them riding in a horse-drawn sardine can, which I can only imagine has to be hot as hell itself.

SPEAKER_04 17:59

Yes, probably, yes.

SPEAKER_05 18:01

And I don't know what this says about me, but I thought to myself, if I captured somebody in something like that, hey, it's got wooden wheels, wooden wheels burn, and it's sitting on a wooden platform. Hmm, those burn. If I start a fire underneath it and block them from getting out, it's a terrible way to go. Why does my brain think like this? Why? Why? I don't know. I don't know. It's like, I think it's because I heard the story of the is it called the iron bull?

SPEAKER_03 18:32

The well, the brazen bowl. It was the brazen bull.

SPEAKER_05 18:35

Where they would it was just where they would put a guy inside. It was like the size of a real cow, and they would and it was metal, and they would put a guy inside, and they would set an you know, start a fire, and it would basically roast him to death.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

Yeah, anyway. Because of the interesting tubes.

SPEAKER_05 18:54

That's that's a level I had did not know about, but you know what? It adds that extra factor too.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

And allegedly, the inventor of said bull was the first to die in it.

SPEAKER_05 19:08

Oh, that's a nice little twist. I like this.

SPEAKER_03 19:10

This is all apocryphal, though.

SPEAKER_05 19:12

So Laris is telling uh uh uh uh Aegon that things are gonna get better. Um, I'm like, holy shit, this a whole episode's a recap. Okay. Damon's addressing his council, which is apparently, is it Cole or Kristen? They look the fucking same.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

And Alice the same man, Kristen Cole is the name the name.

SPEAKER_05 19:30

Oh, okay. Well, cool, handsome guy with dark hair. Uh let's see.

SPEAKER_03 19:37

He works for Alicent and Amon and all them. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 19:41

So it's Cole, Alicent, uh, Laris. I thought he fucked off.

SPEAKER_03 19:46

Well, he's with Egan right now in the wagon. Egan of the wagon. Baba! Give me some.

SPEAKER_05 19:52

No, he was sitting at that table. No, no, no, no. He was sitting at that table. Anyway, anyway. Maybe this happened before that. I don't know. For some reason, Al Borland is sitting at the table. Um okay. Uh, making uh they're gonna uh make an alliance with this. Is uh Aegon. Awon is talking to his counsel, and he's like, We gotta make an alliance with the triarchy. No, it was Damon. Damon?

SPEAKER_02 20:20

I can't remember the recap.

SPEAKER_05 20:23

Oh my god. Uh uh, who made the alliance with um the triarchy, the Lannisters and Bitchfist, which Lohar the Bitchfist?

SPEAKER_03 20:36

Did we know that last time we talked about this? Because no, because Bitch Fist had not been brought up. We knew about Lohar, but we didn't know about Bitch Fist. Bitch fist.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

These are all part of uh Aemon's plan that he was conspiring with Cole when you saw them, and then later in the recap, Aegon says you were planning without me.

SPEAKER_05 20:59

So we see uh Rainey on Alicent, and Alison's going, look, come to the castle, I'll leave the door open, I'll be upstairs sleeping, and everybody else will be gone, and you can come in and kill my kid, take his head, I don't care. All right, mm-hmm. Then we get lots of quick shots of every like named character, just like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

SPEAKER_03 21:29

Remember me, remember me, remember me, remember me, remember me?

SPEAKER_05 21:31

Yeah, and then we see googly eye girl. This girl. I just glanced up and it looked like somebody had pasted googly eyes on my screen on her because she was like looking at the dragon, and then we got to the music.

SPEAKER_03 21:44

Um, you mean uh is that uh Raina, not Rainis. Yeah, and she's off in off in uh well Ireland chasing after a dragon.

SPEAKER_05 21:57

This girl, I'll tell you what. So we got to hear the music again, like I said, groove into it. And at the end, something I don't know, did they do the thing at the end with the tapestry in freebie? Oh, oh, that was cool.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

This tapestry thing was awesome. I like how it got more and more blood soaked as it went on.

SPEAKER_05 22:16

That was lots more and more dragons, too. It was interesting. Yeah. And then, yeah, I said, ooh, cool wavy effect. Scene one. Have you seen half an hour and I don't get to scene one? Okay, we're gonna do that.

SPEAKER_03 22:32

It's okay because the last part of the episode is basically one long scene. So we'll be able to squidge through there pretty quick.

SPEAKER_05 22:41

I saw the sheep, and the first thing I said was sheep, spyro, and then the dragon came in and burned it and ate it, and I went, Oh, it is.

SPEAKER_03 22:52

This is my first line. Sheep! I mean, dinner! It's what's her name? I legit cannot remember, but last season she was trying to tame this dragon or find it. After having spent time in the veil with that heron woman, whose name I don't remember.

SPEAKER_05 23:11

This girl is dumb as fuck. Can I just say? Can I just say how is she dumb as fuck?

SPEAKER_03 23:19

Well, I mean, she gets dumber as the episode goes on.

SPEAKER_05 23:22

She watches him roast this sheep and can and start eating it. It's a wild animal. She's been told this. It doesn't have a rider, it's never had a rider. It's a wild animal that just killed and is eating something. Do you approach it?

SPEAKER_03 23:44

I think you do if you're a Targaryen.

SPEAKER_05 23:48

No, I don't think you do. I think there's enough Targaryens. This dragon's like, I don't care if I ever get a rider. Dessert!

SPEAKER_03 23:58

I don't know. I feel like you're you're uh you're forgetting the lore here a little bit. There is some sort of unspoken commanding ability that the Targaryens have when it comes to dragons, which is why the bastard thing works. Because if they didn't have Targaryen blood, the dragons would never heed them. Right. So she has the ability, and the dragons kind of genetically have the predisposition to listen to them.

SPEAKER_05 24:26

But you'll see how well it listens to her later.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

Oh, that didn't go well. That's yeah, let's just say, I think it's just fucking with her. Let's just say here's here's my my analogy for this whole episode and what Raina does is very much like getting your driver's license and immediately doing a road race in Monaco. Don't take your fucking dragon into a sea battle on day one.

SPEAKER_05 24:54

Yeah, let's see what this baby can do first before we take it into battle. Let's give it a test drive, maybe eat a couple more sheep. Yeah, see if you can command it to make some, you know, roast some sheep. But let's just say she finally touches him and it lets her get on its back. I'm like, oh Jesus. It's an ugly dragon, by the way. It is, it is not a cutie pie. And its name is sheep stealer. Yeah. Well, we saw why.

SPEAKER_03 25:23

He spyroed that thing, baby. That was something else. Also, doubles as a pelican. Speaking old more than his belly can. Hello. Welcome to Dad joke. Embrace the dad joke.

SPEAKER_05 25:35

No, that is just a real I'm sure that it's a really old rhyme.

SPEAKER_03 25:40

I don't know how the hell he can. What a wonderful bird.

SPEAKER_05 25:43

I have never heard this in my life. I am delighted. Eamon's grabbing a priest by the scruff and is like, where the fuck's my brother? And he's like, Disney in fucking bed. And then beard, uh, like Al Borland comes in, and he's like, Laris took him. So that's when we cut to Laris and Aegon. Oh, Aegon's not looking good. He's looking a little pale and a little swollen up. Laris and Aegon are in the sardine cans, and he's sardines can. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

In the sardine can, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:20

In a sardine can. And he's like, I need I need drugs, man. Um so much pain. I mean, that guy got fried by a dragon and then fell, did he not? He was more than legs of Kimbo.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

Really funny to me if uh he had said to Laris, I need some drugs, and Laris had been just like, well, kind man, I'm rolling on E. You got a particular drug you want? Because I got limited. Molly or uh can you take your shoes off? Hey, throwback, remember that when he was a pervert? Anybody? No one's in the room with me. I totally forgot.

SPEAKER_05 27:07

I forgot about his feet. Oh man, I bet Aegon's feet are not good right now.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

No, but I bet you Laris could rub one out to his feet.

SPEAKER_05 27:15

Oh man.

SPEAKER_03 27:16

He's a professional.

SPEAKER_05 27:18

I don't want to think about it.

SPEAKER_03 27:20

Majestic feet, my liege. Anyway, they're stopped by a group of soldiers, right?

SPEAKER_04 27:26

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 27:26

And the leader in a well-practice speech is like, you have to get out of here. You're in the Queen's land. This is uh land of the queen. If you kneel and pay fealty to the one true queen or never Totarian, go ahead and do it now. And uh Laris is like Laris is like, yep, I'm down on the ground because that's where your feet are. And uh Aegon is just like no. And he spits at a soldier and he's like, Alright, cut their heads off. And Laris is like, actually, you don't want to cut his head off because he's Aegon. And they're like, He just cut that off. Gives the whole story. We're supposed to flee quietly, and he's like immediately giving it up. And then it turns out what he's doing is like, you can be paid an absolute fuck ton of money if you get us the dragon stone now, alive, alive, right? Now and alive, and they're like, all right, make it happen. But the other guys on the on the sardine can dead.

SPEAKER_05 28:24

Yeah, they didn't need them, they were red shirts.

SPEAKER_03 28:28

Yeah, who are those guys? They're nothing.

SPEAKER_05 28:31

Oh man, that guy's story was short. Yeah, I was uh pushed, I was standing behind. Oh, I'm dead. Rainey is uh talking with Jace, and uh, she's like, Look, Aegon's bedwritten, themed at Heron Hall. I want to try. I want to take King's Landing. I can do it. I think I can do it. I think I can do it. I want to believe Alicent, right? The Greens know they're fucked. So uh I could do this all in one fell swoop. No more bloodshed than necessary. Just gonna do it.

SPEAKER_03 29:08

Jace goes, nah-uh.

SPEAKER_05 29:10

Nah. Jace is like, this this is a this is a bad idea.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

I don't think so. The counselor's coming, she explains it again, and they all go, nah-uh. Nope. Oh my god, here we go again, with Renera not being able to do anything. She says we'll have King's Landing in two days. You will not fucking have it.

SPEAKER_05 29:31

Alison is come back, and she's like, Oh, who's that on the throne? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes, he is. Chicken wing. A chicken leg would be totally different. That would be like leg straight.

SPEAKER_03 29:46

I don't know why I keep goofing up the limb of the chicken in question. I should just call him chicken part and be done with it.

SPEAKER_05 29:54

Just the just the way he was all like hunched up, like that just look like a little chicken wing. That's such I I can't I can't wait till they take these all these swords and just make them into one big throne because they're such a tripping hazard right now.

SPEAKER_03 30:05

Also, I mean maybe just make them into one big sword. Yeah, shish kebab. Think of how big that sword would be. It'd be like Cloud's sword from Final Fantasy VII. Nerd alert.

SPEAKER_05 30:16

It would be like one of those giant aluminum crosses you can get if you like pray so many Jesuses or something on your business. It's a thing. Look it up.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

Is that like a is that like a silver play button if you put if you pray enough, like you god sends you a silver cross? And it's I don't know the whole story.

SPEAKER_05 30:41

I don't know the whole story, but I will find out more. Uh, it's it is a thing, though. If you have a business that's so many Jesuses or gives so many dollars to Jesus, then they will give you a giant aluminum, it's like a 30-foot-tall aluminum cross that you can place on your private property, and your city can't do a darn thing about it. And it's um it's a thing, so you can have a yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:11

That's disturbing. I don't have any other words, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:16

It's it's disturbing. Yeah, I'll find that story. I'll send it to you. It's very interesting. Okay. Um so she's like, hey, uh, oh, he's like, hey, Aegon um took off with Laris. They just like fucked off to Vegas or something. And she's like, Oh he's in bed. How did he what? And he's like very insistent.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

He's like, We're going to the foot convention, you're coming with me.

SPEAKER_05 31:48

I need a plus one.

SPEAKER_03 31:51

Uh and he's like cabbie and it hurts, but you no, come on.

SPEAKER_05 31:56

I am gonna look so much better standing next to you at the check-in line. So and he's oh, so uh Amon's basically, hey, where have you been, mom? Because nobody's seen you around.

SPEAKER_03 32:08

It took her a long time to answer. I've been in the Kingswood.

SPEAKER_05 32:13

Yeah, I've been in the woods, nothing else to do.

SPEAKER_03 32:16

And really, you you smell like Dragonstone.

SPEAKER_05 32:22

And uh Alison's like, uh, aren't you supposed to meet up with uh Crispy and defeat Damon? And Amon's like, yeah, but since Aegon left, I just thought I'd maybe, you know, hang out. But you know, some greybeards are gonna join up with Corless. Uh no, join up with the triad, right? The triarchy. Tri ar triarchy, triangles. The greybeards are gonna join up with the triad. Did you see that? Did you notice the ship said they were very proud of that? They were so proud of it, they showed it at least three times. The big busty wench on the front of the ship's I didn't really notice the busty wench.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

The figurehead the ship was really big. I have to go back and look at the busty wench, it's more nudity than I've seen in the last 10 weeks. So everybody talked, basically, because Allison's plan was for him to be gone and for ships to not come and attack Corless. But all of that is happening, right?

SPEAKER_05 33:28

Her whole plans have just gone um cut to Damon on the battleground, and there's lots of splurting, and he's just nonchalantly killing people. Like, it's just he just he just doesn't have a love of the game anymore, man.

SPEAKER_03 33:40

He does look like it's all business, doesn't he?

SPEAKER_05 33:42

Yeah, he's like, Oh my god. What am I gonna have for dinner tonight? Slice.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

I hope I set that thing. Do you think they had TiVo? I wonder. I hope I set my TiVo up.

SPEAKER_05 33:56

Oh, I was gonna ask if you had a set it and forget it. What would they put in their set it and forget it? Do you think?

SPEAKER_03 34:00

Showtime rotisserie? A chicken?

SPEAKER_05 34:03

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 34:04

Do they still have chickens?

SPEAKER_05 34:06

Rabbits, probably.

SPEAKER_03 34:07

Anyway, chicken, chicken, rabbits, any small animal.

unknown 34:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:12

Uh here's our gore. We get lots of, yeah. Um, yeah. And turns out the Lannisters are defeated. Yay, but they didn't get the leader, so they might be regrouping at God's eye.

SPEAKER_03 34:26

Yeah, I don't know what that is. Also, this the leader of the Lannisters in question is Jason Lannister. That's important. Do you know why? Because his twin brother Thailand is on the boat with the bitch fist.

SPEAKER_05 34:41

I'm gonna bring this up again. I'm just gonna say it. We have had Tywin and Thailand and Jason?

SPEAKER_04 34:51

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_05 34:52

He ran out of fucking names and just called him fucking Jason.

SPEAKER_03 34:56

It's Chad Lannister. We were all pissed off about Kevin Lannister, too. But I was like, oh, it's okay because it's spelled with an A instead of an I. So it's Kavan Lennis Lannister. I don't know what the fuck.

SPEAKER_05 35:11

Oh, I thought it was a Y. I thought it was K-E-V-Y-N.

SPEAKER_03 35:14

No, no, that's a Targaryen thing.

SPEAKER_05 35:18

It's Targaryen. Uh Kevin Car Targaryen. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 35:22

Um so they're they're thinking about feeding Karaxes all the dead guys, but the the rivermen, uh, the Tullies are like, no, we bury our fellas. And just as they're about to do one of those two things, a bunch of dudes come out of the trees, and it turns out it's the Northmen under the Stark banner, led by someone called, and I looked it up just to make sure I could say I did something useful with my life. Someone called Roderick Dustin.

SPEAKER_05 35:54

And he's under the Stark banner.

SPEAKER_03 35:56

Yeah. He's from he's one of one of the one of the guys who fights for Starks.

SPEAKER_05 36:03

Okay. These are some of the Greybeards? No.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

No. These are just maybe they are. I don't know. Anyway, he throws he throws Jason Lannister's head over, and they say that we have come to die for the dragon queen, which is kind of a bitching thing to say. And then Damon's like, thanks for the head.

SPEAKER_05 36:22

We've got more lions to hunt, he says.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

Yeah, and then they do BAR because that's fun to do.

SPEAKER_05 36:29

I wrote here, I'm already hooked.

unknown 36:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:32

Cinematography at this point. I'm just like, it's so good to be back.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

One I have one overarching complaint about this episode, and um, I think you might agree with me here, but some of the uh focuses were so dramatic that if you weren't directly in focus, you were blurry as fuck. And it was like crazy sharp on some people and extremely blurry everywhere else, almost to the point of a vignette the size of a softball right in the middle of my monitor. And I was just like, I'm having trouble seeing, or do I need to go get my glasses? Or what's going on here? Did you have it set in some sort of weird did you notice that too, Mike? Mike said, Mike saw it too.

SPEAKER_02 37:22

Yeah, I noticed it too. I was like, why is everybody out of focus all the time? I didn't pay attention to that at all. And there was a couple of times where the main character was out of focus until they actually walked to being in focus to deliver their line. It was like, uh, what a what a the Which lens is better?

SPEAKER_05 37:43

Number one or number two? Exactly. Number five, number one or number two. This is this is I called him Prince Charming, but we found out this is Gwen. Um he's walking through the forest and he comes upon this woman running past him. She screams and she's gathering her clothes and she's running past with one boob out. There's our nudity.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

Yeah, that's your nudity.

SPEAKER_05 38:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:09

And he's very upset about this.

SPEAKER_05 38:11

Yes. Uh he so he goes to see uh crispy who's hand painting his shield with dots. Because Morse code? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 38:24

Um the the shield spells out, sir, stop raping.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

He's joining a bowling league, and those are the pins.

SPEAKER_05 38:33

Yeah, that was a pretty simplistic shield there. What show was it where he had to get oh yeah, Dunkin' Egg when he had, you know, that they took shield making very seriously.

SPEAKER_04 38:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:44

Here he's just painting slapping some, you know, apple brand from the Hobby Lobby onto his shield. That's not cool.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

All right. Are you talking about apple brand enamel paints? Uh uh acrylic paint, yes. Acrylic, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 39:01

Craft paint, as they call it.

SPEAKER_03 39:02

I have so much of that somewhere in this house.

SPEAKER_05 39:05

I gave mine away. So he's like, hey, uh, he comes up to Amon and he's like, hey, uh one of the guys raped a village girl, and he's like, uh-huh. He's like, Well, you're his commander, you have to punish him, make an example of him. And he's like, Look, we're all fucked. And Queen's like, but it's really hard to talk guys who are about to die in battle out of doing bad things before they do that.

SPEAKER_03 39:34

That's it's very deep that you just did. I'm in it. That was good. I like it.

SPEAKER_05 39:39

Oh, thanks. Put that in my golden book of things I said that are cool. Right now, there's one sentence.

SPEAKER_03 39:47

That's for this episode. I mean, come on, give yourself some credit.

SPEAKER_05 39:51

So uh Ulf is talking to his, I thought he was talking to his dragon telling his life story, because they that's all you saw was like him talking and his dragon up above, like eating. So I thought, oh, he and his dragon are out in the woods and he's just talking to his dragon, telling his life story.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

And the dragon is bored out of his mind.

SPEAKER_03 40:11

Right, just like the dragon could talk and be like, Oh, would you just shut up, please?

SPEAKER_05 40:16

I just trying to eat. I mean, really. Yeah. Can you just look at your phone for a while or something? His life was shitty.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

Yeah, it wasn't good.

SPEAKER_05 40:27

Oh, uh, some priest he gave him coins to molest him. Yay! And now he's a dragon rider, and he's gross. All right. Uh, they talk about fighting Vagar and oh, that's right. There's waiting there for Vagar and Eamon to show up, right? And while they're there, what was the point of the scene, other than just having this little talking about the difference between a knight and a lord and what you get when you're a knight, what you get when you're a lord?

SPEAKER_03 40:58

What do I need with a horse? I've got a fucking dragon. That's kind of funny. That is kind of funny, and you can get more ladies with a castle than you can with a dragon.

SPEAKER_02 41:07

It was also pointing out that uh Adam, who was the dragon rider with the dreads, which is Alan's brother, who was there. That's Adam.

SPEAKER_05 41:17

Okay. Adam with the dreads, right?

SPEAKER_02 41:20

Was Alan on the boat. Right. And it was it was pointing out that the other two were promised knighthood because they're dragon riders, because they were selected during the selection of the bastards, whereas Adam was just in the woods when his dragon said, Hey, can you be my rider?

SPEAKER_05 41:39

Hey, uh, I've got an opening right now. I'm hiring actually. Go to indeed.com. Don't talk to me. Okay, got it. So uh this uh this girl Raina uh lands, and she's singing to him in High Valerian.

SPEAKER_03 41:56

It's not like that.

SPEAKER_05 41:57

No. And she's telling him that they need to go back to Dragonstone, and he just fucks off.

SPEAKER_03 42:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:04

And I'm like, good for him.

SPEAKER_03 42:06

I'd have left too. So Alison, yeah, writing a letter. All of a sudden, somebody shows up and she starts talking to the person in question, and it's fucking Elfwyn. And I'm like, oh god, Elfwyn Chapscares.

SPEAKER_05 42:21

And I'm like, Does she have exactly the same outfit basically?

SPEAKER_03 42:25

No, I mean she dresses like um Elena Targaryen Helena Targaryen would, just a little bit weird. Okay. So they talk about how Elf Elfin, about Helena didn't know that Aegon had left either, and that Allison's sending this letter to the Hightower host on behalf of the king, whomever that may be.

SPEAKER_05 42:48

Right.

SPEAKER_03 42:49

Just get more on that later.

SPEAKER_05 42:51

General. Like saying the president could be anybody. Barack Hussein Obama. It was him for a while. Ruined my spinning pool. Okay, all right. I could go on for hours. Okay. Who gives a fuck? I know.

SPEAKER_03 43:10

Alright, that's all I gotta say.

SPEAKER_05 43:12

Back on boat. Uh Corlus is pouring a drink for him and Alan. Um, and it's a drink from Ib.

SPEAKER_03 43:22

What a place. Ib.

SPEAKER_05 43:25

It's right next to Ab. And right next and just just west of Ub.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

And uh east of Skibidi.

SPEAKER_03 43:37

I was doing all the vowels. It's quite a ways away from ab and eb.

SPEAKER_05 43:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 43:42

Um or either basically dragon water. Did you think what I thought? It's is it dragon piss? No, it's gotta be bourbon.

SPEAKER_05 43:53

Oh, I thought it was dragon piss. You want to impress me? Hey, catch the dragon piss too. Drink the dragon piss.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

I think you drink drinking dragon piss is a little bit like just sucking on a on a gas pump. I don't think you should do that.

SPEAKER_05 44:07

That's a good analogy.

SPEAKER_03 44:09

Yeah. But bourbon, I mean, they gave it a guttural name, they said in Ib, and Bourbon is a little guttural, I think.

SPEAKER_05 44:18

So there you go. Um, since this is a fictional town, sure, bourbon. I say dragon piss. Basically, they're going to take five ships and go to King's Landing. They've gotten word from Rainey that they're gonna go to King's Landing, they're gonna take five of the boats and go there, right? Then he's having a heart to heart with his kid, and he says the dumbest fucking thing ever.

SPEAKER_03 44:40

I liked your mom the 40 minutes I was fucking her.

SPEAKER_05 44:44

And then he's like, dang, that didn't hit the way I thought it was more bourbon. So then there's a whole bunch of ringing and clanging on the on the decks, and they're like, ah shit. Rough seas, enemy ships, they are outnumbered. It's dun dun dun.

SPEAKER_03 45:01

It's the triarchy.

SPEAKER_05 45:03

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 45:04

And there's 53 ships.

SPEAKER_05 45:06

That's a lot of ships.

SPEAKER_03 45:08

Yes, it is. It is a bunch. It's a regular armada.

SPEAKER_05 45:12

So the three triarchy is Lannister, right?

SPEAKER_03 45:18

No.

SPEAKER_05 45:19

No, why is he on the ship then?

SPEAKER_03 45:22

Uh, because he hired this group, the triarchy, okay to fight on behalf of, I guess, the Greens.

SPEAKER_05 45:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 45:34

Uh, and and they knew Corless was gonna be their admiral, so you know the triar well, Lohar had a like a rage boner for Corliss, so Yeah, she did.

SPEAKER_05 45:46

She was Lohar the Bitchfist, man. What a name. They've decided they're gonna sack High Tide. No, she's sending some boats, right? Lohar the Bitch Fist is sending some boats to ransack Corless's house. I know I had a s had a moment.

SPEAKER_03 46:05

And his treasure room, which you recall is pretty awesome.

SPEAKER_05 46:09

Right.

SPEAKER_03 46:11

In order that it will reduce his desire to fight, which right back to Raina in Ireland.

unknown 46:19

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 46:19

And I wrote, She's hovering on a rock. This girl is not bright, I said. Super dragon arrives.

SPEAKER_03 46:26

This is so gross. It comes in and then just kind of gurps up three dead sheep.

SPEAKER_05 46:31

Now, finished.

SPEAKER_03 46:32

So what else did it do? It burns them, picks one up, and throws it at her. Like now it's luxury.

SPEAKER_05 46:39

She's been chasing this fucking dragon around, and she finally gets a literal bone. It literally's hungry, man. She's been walking around. Yeah. Eating what? Eggs as she finds, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 46:53

Probably not much. Someone has to assume that this. I mean, it might be a little overdone on the outside, but inside, probably just right. You know what? I would eat that. Just saying, I'd eat it. It might taste like grill.

SPEAKER_05 47:07

And probably some dirt and rocks. Maybe some dragon saliva. Anyway, we see some orderly tents.

SPEAKER_03 47:17

Oh, this is the prettiest of the pretty boys, Mr. Hightower himself. I don't know who this fucking guy is, but I wanted to punch him right in his army.

SPEAKER_05 47:27

Kyle Hightower.

SPEAKER_03 47:30

Uh that's not his name, is it?

SPEAKER_05 47:33

No. But he gets the note from um Alicent, right? So he's like, I guess we'll make camp and be here, they'll be here in like three days. And Colleen this guy up. He stinks. There was poop on things. Back then? Well, there was no back then. This is fictitious. I'm so used to The Last Kingdom where it's like, well, back then in the dirt times.

SPEAKER_03 47:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 47:59

People died. People died of dirt.

SPEAKER_03 48:02

Oh no, he he was struck with dirt. What a shame. What a shame.

SPEAKER_05 48:06

Alicent and Aamon are talking.

SPEAKER_03 48:11

And she's basically like Oh, also, Bitch Fist is the name of the ship.

SPEAKER_05 48:17

Oh. I thought they said Lohar the Bitch Fist. I thought that's what they said.

SPEAKER_03 48:22

It's their flagship, uh, their flagship, so yes.

SPEAKER_05 48:25

Not Lohar and the Bitch Fist, which is a buddy comedy I would watch. Lohar and the bitch fist tonight at nine o'clock. Who is fist? I don't have time in my life to write this show, but I want to.

SPEAKER_02 48:40

But the whole thing is Arnold Schwarzenegger in Drag as Bitch Fist.

unknown 48:45

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 48:45

Hello. No. I am the bitch fist. Come to punch you very hard. Right in the dick. Probably. Because. Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 49:02

I'm dying from that horrible.

SPEAKER_02 49:04

Why did that sound like Christopher Walken doing Arnold Schwarzenegger? He's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

You guys. Alright. Oh now. It was Ormond Hightower is this guy's name, by the way.

SPEAKER_05 49:17

Ormond Hightower.

SPEAKER_03 49:19

Yes. And he had a boy.

SPEAKER_05 49:22

Yeah, he had that Prince Charming from a Pixar movie. Hello. Bad guy vibe to him, you know. The swaggery walk, you know, with the shoulders moving a little too much.

SPEAKER_03 49:34

Oh. That kind of guy.

SPEAKER_05 49:37

Yeah. All right. Oh, we talked, uh, okay. Allison didn't aim into talking. And she's like, uh, you know, I was a bad mom. I'm just like, we don't have time for this. She's like, now you need to go to Heronhald. It's a stronghold. You're not safe here. They're gonna come back, they're gonna kill you. Raine's gonna bring her dragon, poof, like a chomp. He's like, nah.

SPEAKER_03 50:05

And then she's like, please. Yeah. And then she puts her hand on his face and gets all up in his grill, and is like, hey, do you have a favor? And then there's 85 million years of silence. And then he kisses her on the mouth.

SPEAKER_05 50:23

Like kisses her, kisses her on the mouth.

SPEAKER_03 50:26

And it's like nope, like six times.

SPEAKER_05 50:29

Here's the best part though. During the whole kiss, his eye her eyes are open.

SPEAKER_03 50:37

Yeah, and she's looking like what the fuck?

SPEAKER_05 50:40

That's exactly it. She's got the and after he walks away, she's got that look like, well, that was weird. That was very weird. He's like, I'll put a uh I'm gonna put on a feast in the hall in your honor. And she's like, uh okay, still by Oh man.

SPEAKER_03 51:06

Immediately starts gargling with like turpentine. So we go from son, mother, incest to taking a dump in the woods.

SPEAKER_05 51:14

Yeah, from Oedipus to diarrhea, apparently.

SPEAKER_03 51:18

Well, I don't know if that was diarrhea, because it sure sounded like he was struggling with that turd.

SPEAKER_05 51:24

Uh it was providing some raucous tunes. Yeah. And it's Ulf, of course, because he's gross and he's shitting in the woods, and he gets startled and he sees a ram.

SPEAKER_03 51:38

Yeah, like a just a goat. Just there.

SPEAKER_04 51:42

What was the point?

SPEAKER_03 51:44

I have an idea. What? So I'll tell you. So sh he's like, I'm out. Stands up mid-shit and starts running away. And we go down to the beach, and and Hugh and Adam are arguing about whether what they should do with themselves. Alf is running past us, just like, fuck this place, fuck this place. And all of a sudden, Hugh pulls his knife and looks up on the hill, and he sees like this horned person. What was that? It's all Alice's conjuring. Because shortly after that, Alice shows up on the beach and says, Hey, the queen needs to a dragon stone. And they go, Who are you? And she goes, I'm a witch. Like just like they're like, no further questions. I mean, I think I got it. Did you do the when to go up there and the and the random goat while I'm pooping? Is this all your thing? Because if that's the case, we get it. Is this because I pooped on your yard? Is it because I pooped in your yard? I pooped in your yard. I'm sorry I pooped in your yard.

SPEAKER_05 52:48

We have a messenger going to Rini uh about the triarchy attacking Corless.

SPEAKER_03 52:53

Yeah, it's it's uh Bela.

SPEAKER_05 52:55

Bela, right. Yes, and so she's like, gotta go, gotta go put on my riding knickers. And um riding knickers. Isn't that what she says? Something like that. Gotta go put on my riding knickers.

SPEAKER_03 53:13

Riding knickers.

SPEAKER_05 53:14

Then we've got Jace uh going up to Sir Laurent, telling him to bar her inside the room.

SPEAKER_03 53:20

And he's like, I can't do that. What the fuck, dude? And he's like, listen, logic, but listen. You're supposed to keep her safe. What about keeping her safe from herself?

SPEAKER_05 53:33

Oh my god, it's the most backwards bullshit logic.

SPEAKER_03 53:36

Yeah, he lawyers him into locking her up, and and Baila's like, dude, that's fucking treason. And he goes, nuts to it. Let's rock and roll. Out of the dragons!

SPEAKER_05 53:47

Yeah, him, Bela. Rainy tries to leave. There's lots.

SPEAKER_03 53:51

Yeah, and she's like, open up and you open the fucking door.

SPEAKER_05 53:55

Oh my god, she's pissed. But she's got her girlfriend there with her. I mean, they can do stuff, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 54:00

And who's standing there in her most severe kindergarten teacher outfit, just not man.

SPEAKER_05 54:08

Looking very librarian. Yeah. Very strict librarian.

SPEAKER_03 54:12

Yeah, and the castle of Dragonstone. I don't know where she's from anymore.

SPEAKER_05 54:16

Cut to a lot of AI-generated burning ships.

SPEAKER_03 54:20

I think so.

SPEAKER_05 54:23

We're an epic ship battle. And then Lohar decides she's gonna go to Dragonstone. And Lannister's like, well, shit.

SPEAKER_03 54:34

Lohar wants to eat Corlus's ears.

SPEAKER_05 54:38

Yeah, something like that. They're gonna cook them and eat them.

SPEAKER_03 54:41

I don't know if she said anything about cooking. Rainey's girlfriend and her are talking, and uh can we mention how Rhaenyra spent uh uh a few seconds there peeling the dead skin off her fingers from punching the shit out of the door? Oh, I didn't I did not notice that scene started with her pulling the like the skin off her hands from beating the door. I only know that because I've punched a door in my time. I've never punched a door. Oh, you've never been truly pissed off at a this is true.

SPEAKER_05 55:17

I can say I have never physically assaulted a person, nor animal, nor inanimate object because I was pissed about a football game.

SPEAKER_03 55:26

I have ever. I've heard inanimate objects. I don't hurt people ever now.

SPEAKER_05 55:30

Rainey does a little bit of work on something that the seamstress has been working on, and so she's like, Oh, this is a nice project. Here, let me take this for a minute. She just starts stabbing the fuck out of this jacket or dress.

SPEAKER_03 55:44

Was that her writing gear? I I that's what I thought.

SPEAKER_02 55:48

She was still in her riding gear. That was her regalia, her family's her family regalia, and she was she was murdering her dress.

SPEAKER_03 55:57

She's only got one.

SPEAKER_02 56:00

Well, I'm sure she has more than one, but it was symbolic. It was the only thing in the room. And this is where I noticed the focus was all whacked out.

SPEAKER_03 56:06

This this scene really got to be.

SPEAKER_05 56:08

It was there was a lot of emotion in that that she took out on that piece of fabric with a knife. And then she's like, I may look like a girl, but I'm badass at heart. Actually, she said something more profound like that.

SPEAKER_03 56:21

She may have the weak and feeble body of a queen, but she has the heart of a king.

SPEAKER_05 56:27

I may look like a girl, but I'm a badass at heart. That's what I said.

SPEAKER_03 56:31

I like your version better. So back to the boat. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 56:36

Uh-huh. And dragons have arrived to save the day. And Corlus and his son are like, Yay, let's go to Dragonstone Pass. She'll follow me, and the dragons can have what's left behind.

SPEAKER_03 56:46

This seems like and they'll run aground in the in the path. The teeth.

SPEAKER_05 56:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 56:52

And then at this point, Vermax, which is Jace's dragon, gets harpooned in the neck.

SPEAKER_05 56:58

By a harpoon. No, no. They called it a grapnel. She says, Bring the grapnels. G-R-A-P-N-E-L-S. Is that a thing? Because I said, Oh, it's the dragon stabbers.

SPEAKER_03 57:17

I can't spell.

SPEAKER_05 57:18

Um G-R-A-P-N-E-L-S.

SPEAKER_03 57:23

I'm reaching my desk to hit my key. Grappling hook is the closest thing I get.

SPEAKER_05 57:28

Huh. See? They called it a grappnel.

SPEAKER_03 57:30

Grappnel is a grappling hook.

SPEAKER_05 57:33

Yeah. So they're loading it up into the dragon stabber harpoon slinger. There's no way she hit that dragon. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. She aimed so poorly, but she did AI hit the dragon. Right?

SPEAKER_03 57:51

Yeah. And then uh Bela comes by on her dragon, Moondancer, and cuts the rope. Anticlimatic, really.

SPEAKER_05 58:00

And in the meantime, so quick, they're in Dragon Pass, Dragon Stone Pass. And it's getting shallow. No.

SPEAKER_03 58:08

And Corless is like nautical terms.

SPEAKER_05 58:11

Mm-hmm. He's like, so Corless knows the ways through. It's tricky, but he knows. And the other ships don't know the way, so they'll just like bank up on the rocks, and we win. Yay!

SPEAKER_03 58:23

They get through.

SPEAKER_05 58:24

They do barely. Yeah. After Corless, or after Corless takes over, he's like, shit, just let me drive. Why didn't he do that in the first place?

SPEAKER_03 58:32

He was really he was much gentler than that. He's just let me. And he takes the helm. He could have been, get the fuck out of here, you stupid son of a bitch.

SPEAKER_05 58:41

No. I just like, why didn't he just do it in the first place? Okay, so of course they made it. It's not his job. He wanted to let the helmsman do it. And I said, But will the other ships make it too? And they're like, Yeah, let's go back to the fight. The other ships can get stuck in the past. Cut to pick up.

SPEAKER_03 58:54

By the way, meanwhile, Raina and Sheep Stealer are in the air.

SPEAKER_05 58:58

Yeah. That needs to be this is not good. They're going to battle, she says. Lilhar thinks she can make it through. She's like, just let's just lighten our load, starts throwing Lannisters overboard because they're in armor.

SPEAKER_03 59:12

Yes. I don't know if I am I mistaken, or did uh no. According to this, that wasn't the end for Thailand Lannister. He survived.

SPEAKER_05 59:24

Oh, okay. So he was thrown in the river, but he or thrown in the past, but he's he did not drown. What I found funny was that she she listened to their gurgling and rumbling, and when it stopped, she's like, Oh, I think we're clear.

SPEAKER_03 59:43

Two of them did ground, and that was funny.

SPEAKER_05 59:47

Yeah, two of them kind of did break up on the rocks, just as predicted. Like a couple of Lego ships.

SPEAKER_03 59:52

Yeah, all the Lego on the patio.

SPEAKER_05 59:55

Then boarding party. I want a boarding party, she says. I want a party, I want a boarding party. Catacorless turning around and seeing his house on fire. And just as predicted, he's like, so back to Raina burning people who are part of her side, and he's like, no, wrong fucking boat jam it. At the same time, that Lohan, Lindsay Lohan, is T-boning Corless's ship. Yes. And they show a shot they had shown earlier where the plank comes across and they run across. Now, it could have been any plank from any ship to ship. I don't blame them for using the same shot twice.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:46

Corless somehow gets like knocked down or something.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:49

But he gets back up. He got knocked down. And he got up again. He joined back in the battle.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:57

And there's lots of splurging and splashing and grunting and fire near misses and underwater fighting. And really, what's the point of any of it? They're all going to fucking die. This is their their boats are in a situation now. Everyone's going. They have a scene where he's fighting and he's wearing armor. Nobody could stay afloat in that armor.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:17

I don't know. I'm I'm not a I'm not a physicist, but I'm pretty sure that armor is heavy.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:23

Yeah, it is heavy. Guaranteed.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:25

Well, I got it right.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:26

So so Alan, Alan, Alan jumps over to fight Lindsay Lohan in the water. In the meantime, it was just a quick rate. He jumps in the water and just starts beating the shit out of her. Cut to Raina on Sheep Stealer having a grand old time, just like a Saint Bernard at an all-you-can-eat burger bar, just yeah. Watch this mom.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:52

Watch a bar. Because at this point, Jace and Bela have showed up. They are like, don't attack the what? Who is this? What's going on?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:04

Who are you? Because didn't Jace sick his his one on her at first. He's like, attack the rider or something. And he's like, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:12

Pull away and attack her. And then Vermax, uh, Jace's dragon, gets hit with another harpoon.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:21

Oh my god. And goes down. Way down. It's a never-ending story scenario. It's not okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:30

So and we go back to Alan and Lohar having their fight, and it ends with her getting stabbed. And I thought for sure that was a ruse, and she's gonna spring from the water and stab him through the eye. That never happened. He's dead. She's dead. No more, no more bitches.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:49

No, but Jace got shot by arrows.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:52

Yeah. He frees himself from Vermax, who cannot escape the harpoons. He gets out of the water and immediately gets shot by three arrows with the float on his face, like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:07

He's like, oh shit, my contract up. I had no idea. I was only in the first episode.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:14

What? Fuck!

SPEAKER_03 1:03:17

I will say this though. They said the battle of the gall, the battle of the galllet was going to be 30 some minutes long, and it was.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:26

And it was good.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:28

That should have been the ending. It should have been him just floating in the water and credits. But no, we get another stupid scene where Coreless or Alan and a few other people are just like stumbling around on the boats.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:40

Yeah, I don't know why they did that. It should be Jace's corpse and then cut.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:46

And then somebody riding off. We don't know if it's Bela or Raina or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:50

Well, who knows? No, it ain't Jace, because he is Deed.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:54

He is indeed Deed. Oh my man. Oh well. Well, that's it. Didn't we miss anything, Mike? I'm sorry it took us an hour and 24 minutes to do that show. I'm sure there's a lot of stuff you can cut out and put at the end. I'm sure. Yes, I'm sure. So, listeners, probably you want to stick around until the end if you want to hear the dumb stuff that we say. Like the my long assed stories. Um, did we miss anything, Mike? Did you see notice anything we missed?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:23

No, nope. It was there was a lot going on in there. And um I just my favorite scene was Aegon and Clubfoot. And Aegon's like, hey, yeah, I'll swear. And uh, oh, by the way, this is the king, and uh, here's the crown, just to prove that I'm right.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:39

Yes, I I don't understand his logic at this point, but anyway. Well, that they're better, that they're more valuable that are alive than dead. I get it. Oh, listener. Thank you for listening to us tonight. Let us know you listen. Write me an email. Oh, we got an email? Well, we got a spam email.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:05

I don't want any rockets or tubes.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:09

Oh no, this was a really good one. Hang on. It's an in it's it's an inquiry regarding my book. Or regarding your book. Sunshine Radio Author Feature Inquiry regarding your book.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:21

Our book?

SPEAKER_05 1:05:22

Uh yeah. Our book. Did you know about our book? What happened? Okay. Hello. I hope your week is going well. This is our email. This is email. I wanted to check back in briefly as our production desk puts the finishing touches on the scheduling grid for the upcoming Sunshine Radio and Book Talk live series. We curate we curate our author spotlights very carefully, do ya? And because your storytelling aligns perfectly with the depth our audience looks for, we wanted to reach out one final time before the broadcast lineup is locked in. How lucky are we? I can't believe this. If you have a few minutes for a quick introductory chat. Please let me No. Yeah. This is ridiculous. I mean, this is so fucking fun. Who falls for this? Hey, it went up to my spam folder. You know what? Why in my spam folder? Because everybody else who has gotten this email has put it in their spam folder. That's why.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:21

Well, it's nice to know we wrote a book when I wasn't paying attention.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:24

I know. Who knew? But we could be on book talk. You know what would be so funny is to try and s see with but then they'll just know it's a real email address. Okay. Ema you can email us, and then I will on and I will actually read yours at royalhighnesspod at gmail.com. Uh I want to thank our producer Mike. Thanks, Mike! And all the fine folks over at Injured. You know what? That's not him. Every every fucking time. And the fine folks over at Injured Nervous Productions. We can't wait to do it all again next week. This is true, because it's gonna be fun. Uh until then, love ya. Bye. Bye. Ah, bitch fist.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:14

Royal Highness is produced by Injured Nerves Productions and is available on all major podcast platforms. The opinions and comments expressed here are those of the hosts and their guests and are not affiliated in any way with HBO or the Game of Thrones series. If you want to contact us, you can do so at RoyalHighnesspod at gmail.com. Thanks for listening. We hope you come back to listen again.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:45

In my notes. Ooh, was that a crack?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:50

Yeah, I just did the knuckle thing, you know?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:52

I can only do one at a time. People are just turned this off. They just turned it off. They're like, nope.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:59

Now I'm gonna do the rest of the show with my eyelids inside out.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:02

This is not the podcast I signed up for.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:07

Who wants to listen to me eat? Oh, mukbang knuckle cra mukbang knuckle. My wife mukbang knuckle cracking. There you go.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:18

My wife showed me a video of uh a young man, a young man from Japan who was eating a plate filled with very, very spicy food. And it was funny because he kept going whoo every so often. He made that noise. And it was delightful. But the problem was he also chewed the whole time. So I was enjoying the I was enjoying, yeah, I heard that. And then he'd stop and go, Whoo! And I'd go, huh, dude's cooking, he's cooking, and then I'd have to stop listening because the chewing was making me so angry.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:00

Yeah, I'm not a fan of chewing noises. Okay. Oh, recap. Mike, maybe throw that at the end. Okay. Woo! Ooh! Recap. Uh-huh. Oh man. I'm gonna go off on a tangent. Here, Mike, you can put this somewhere else. Did you ever see Bear in the Big Blue House? Did your kids ever watch it, Spencer? I don't know. Okay. So when you would come in, Bear in the Big Blue House, look it up, he's delightful. I loved the show so much. My kids had a couple of DVDs and we would watch them constantly. But one of the things he would do is when you came came to his house, he was a big blue bear. And he was had a very tiny head. And he would lean down and into the camera he'd go.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:50

Have you seen my hat?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:51

No, he'd go. How's that smell? That smells good. Oh, it's you. That was very cute, and I loved it. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:13

That could be taken a different direction.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:17

Anyway. Always choose the bear. The reason they call it walking the plank is not that they would make guys walk a plank and jump into the ocean. That was not it. Walking the plank meant when we go the first time we raid a ship, we put that plank down. You go first. Because that way you're stabbed. You are more likely to get killed and distract the other people at the end of that thing, and it breaks up the battle. It's kind of like breaking in a pool. But anyway, uh that's what walking the plank was. I just made that up out of my ass. But you know what? I'll bet it might have a more little bit of truth to it.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:04

No, actually, or maybe I heard that somewhere.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:07

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:08

I might have heard that somewhere uh uh bound so they couldn't swim or tread water and forced to walk off the plane and standard over the side.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:17

I like mine better.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:18

I like yours better too. It sounds like a legit thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:22

Yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:23

I like how you did at the end say I made that up out of my ass, and I was like, hey, buying into it for a minute there. And then I opened Wikipedia and I said walking the plank, and it just said, nah-uh. In big black letters. The whole article was nah-uh. I scrolled way down and it had the actual definition. I scrolled a little more and it said I lead's bullish. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:48

It literally says, do not listen to I leave. Citation needed. Okay. She's making it.