Author Sue Donaldson and her book, Never Alone: Stories on Connection and Invitation

Listen to Sue share stories from her book, Never Alone: Stories of Connection & Invitation. With stories from her life, Sue illustrates the purpose and power of connection. You can have eyes and ears for the people who cross your life path, extend an invitation, and let God reveal the purpose as you connect with them. 

Sue's Favorite Relaxing Recipes:  https://view.flodesk.com/pages/60db7ed16b275532b755c224

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30 Conversation Starters from one of Sue's books: 

https://welcomeheart.myflodesk.com/v6wwjwq7hp

Amazon link for Sue's Book, Never Alone: Stories of Connection & Invitation

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Alone-Stories-Invitation-Connection/dp/B0FXTMGTXJ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=13KZ54J6N12U8&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.w0CCeGU8sedwWqqUakeG7A.QcVbSRncQvGkIpor4zmdyAEicHnoDZbmDcTuSELQ7Ao&dib_tag=se&keywords=never+alone+sue+donaldson&qid=1769178979&sprefix=never+alone+sue+%2Caps%2C110&sr=8-1

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https://welcomeheart.com/

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Transcript

Story from Chapter 10 - Wine Nights - Not Your Usual Baptist Fellowship

Story from Chapter 20 - Listening and Acting Are Two Different Things

Sue Shares Why She Trusts God

0:01

Welcome to Anchored Not Anxious. I have special guest, Sue Donaldson, author of Never Alone Stories of Invitation and Connection. Speaker, author Sue Donaldson and her husband Mark Live in San Luis Obispo, California. Sue taught high school English. Part of the time in Brazil with Wycliffe Bible translators, she and her husband Mark have raised three daughters who keep them at the bank and on their knees. Sue loves connecting people to one another, to God and to his word, and has been speaking for the last 20 years or so with long pauses for babies. Diapers and soccer pasta parties. She blogs at Welcome Heart and hosts a weekly podcast. Welcome, heart Living, A Legacy Life. Sue, welcome to the podcast. Well, thank you Sherry for inviting me. It, it's a delight already. Well, tell us a little bit about your book. Never Alone. Well, um, this is my fifth book, Terry, but it's my favorite book because it's uh, uh. A coach told me years ago that the reason I like to do hospitality is because of loneliness. And I thought, wow, I didn't know that about myself. Not so much that I feel lonely now. I'm 73, but there are spots of loneliness at times. But back in the day, I, I experienced loneliness. I didn't get married till I was 35. And back then that was very unusual. Now it's far more usual. Um, but my daughter said, mom, you need to. Uh, write down your 12 most compelling stories. She's heard me speak, so, uh, it made me feel good that she liked my stories, but, you know, mothers can talk too much. So the fact that she said that made me feel good. So I wrote down, I, I think I ended up with 24 stories. I hope they're compelling and the idea is to invite people into your life so that you're not so alone, but also invite them to God by inviting them to your table. Mm, that's beautiful. Mm, I love it. Thank you. Well, let's discuss the first theme that I, uh, withdrew from your book, and it's called Overthinking the Invitation. Hmm. So in Chapter 10, wine Nights Not Your Usual Baptist Fellowship, you had two great thoughts among others. But these two really resonated with me. The first one is you say, deep down, women need each other. Most realize there's a risk to know and be known. And then the second, uh, uh, thing that you said was, we need assurances. We matter, and we are loved for who we are, not what we do. Hmm. So my takeaway is being known happens through an invitation. Yes. The invitation says, I'm interested in listening and learning about you. And so from Chapter 10, wine Night, tell us. A little more about that evening with candy and the others, and why before the wine night, you prayed about what questions you could ask the ladies. This is fresh in my mind because I just had another Y night last night and I prayed for several days about what questions to ask. Um, but let me back up to that time with candy. I had met her at the gym, but not really, you know,'cause when you're at the gym, you're working out and you're facing the instructor and so you don't get that much time to chat. But we had chatted a little bit because, um, we each have three daughters. And so I took a risk. It was a risk, and I said, um. Candy. Do you like wine? Which is kind of funny to ask that some people go, well, of course. But see, it wasn't, I wasn't raised with wine, so I, I like to ask. Right? And um, she said, uh, yes. I said, well, would you like to come to my house? I have a women's wine night and it's just an opportunity to get better acquainted. And she said, I, it was interesting. She said, I feel so honored. You invited me. So to me, when someone says that. It means that they're hurting in some way, or maybe they haven't been invited to a group for a while or whatever. So she came and she was a little late, but she brought the most marvelous cheese. I don't require people to bring things. And then that night the questions were, um. What, when you were little, what did you dream of being when you grew up? Which was really hilarious'cause people were saying all sorts of funny things that they did not become. And uh, and I always like, uh, Terry, I'd like to ask two questions. One, that's a surface, more of a surface question because people are hesitant to talk in a group of women they don't know often. Um, and to make them feel comfortable. So that was kind of a silly fun question. And then the second question, follow up was. Who are you becoming now? And everybody went, oh, like that? Like,'cause we're always becoming somebody else, right? Yes. We're, we're progress, we're a believer, we're a child of God. Hopefully we're progressing to become more like Jesus and we're learning to love him more and share him better. So that's a way of becoming. Um, but for those who don't know God, they, they may, they may not know what they're becoming and two different women shared and one was candy. Um. Well, I've been through a divorce recently and I'm in the process of trying to find out who I am now. Mm-hmm. Because you know, when you're part of a couple, you're somebody's wife that's part of your identity, and they were both in the process of. Who am I now? I'm no longer so and so this attorney's wife or this, uh, policeman's wife. I am who I am. And she came up to me afterwards while I was helping myself to more of her cheese. And she said This was really nice. And I said, well, I find, and I didn't know her, like I didn't even know her last name. And I said, um, well, I find that women are lonely. And I just let that hang. Yes. She said I'm lonely. And uh, that was right before COVID. And so throughout COVID. Then she came over and we sat on the front porch every week for two years. Wow. And I just talked to her yesterday at the gym. So we're still friends. That, that is just such an awesome, it's a, uh, it's an awesome true life story. Yeah. That's what's incredible. Oh well, um. So after reading your book, and I did read the whole thing, just so you listeners know. Thank you. It was, I couldn't stop reading it. I, I was only gonna read a chapter here or there that I thought was interesting, but every story is interesting. But, um, so feeling that I was getting that call to action from Sue's book, I decided that I was going to invite the ladies that, um. Do nine hole golf together on Tuesdays and Thursdays. They're I, and so, of course, I didn't know what time to ask them as far as, you know, I wanted four to six. A couple of ladies said one to three. I was like, okay. You know. So I sent the invitation out and immediately I started overthinking it. Oh, you know, I, I don't have enough seating in one room. What are we gonna talk about other than golf? My dining room chairs are all chipped. Should I pose some conversation starter questions? What if the conversation goes towards politics? What if only two ladies come out of the 12? Yeah. Will they feel weird? You know, I mean, I was like, the questions just kept coming and, and, and, but I sent the invitation before I started the overthinking. Because I told myself, you know, there's no drawbacks. You can't pull it back. Say, oh, whoops, that was a mistake. You know? Although deep inside, that's what I was saying. Oh my gosh, that was a mistake. So any advice for me and the other women who think like me. Hmm. Oh yeah. It takes practice. You know, they call it practicing hospitality for a reason, but it's not practice so that we're perfect because there's nothing perfect about us and there's nothing perfect about me or my hospitality. Um, but we practice, and Terry, I'm just gonna speak right to you. We practice so that we feel at ease. It's like if you ever took piano lessons, oh, you took golf lessons at one point, right? And you're far more. At ease at the tea, the golf tea right now than you were 10 years ago. True. And it's because you do it twice a week now. I'm not recommending you have coffees twice a week though. I try to because there are so many women who need to. Be listened to. Really? Yeah. And part of hospitality, one of the best parts of hospitality is to be a good listener. And that means you need to ask, uh, a good question. And so, um, to answer your question about overthinking, you do what you just did, which was you sent out the invitation by faith. And like last night I had 28 women in my living room. But I did it by faith because, um, I never know how I invite, uh, large groups of women, but they don't always RSVP or they don't tell me they're also bringing their mother and their grandmother and their aunt and their sister. And so I really don't know. And so sometimes I've invited 50 people and I get four, and I just go, oh, well I guess that's who the Lord wanted. To be there. Right. And sometimes I feel disappointed and when I feel disappointed, I think, oh, well then I'm making it around about me. Mm-hmm. And so the main difference between hospitality and entertaining, I have a whole talk on this, so I'm not gonna go on and on. The main difference is, is that hospitality is about the guest, your 11 friends in your golf group. And entertaining is about the hostess. Mm. So when we're overthinking, guess who we're thinking about? We're not thinking about the guest. We're worried about how we come across. Mm. And I'm not condemning you because I still go through this myself. Oh, sure. The idea is, um, someone told me once that. Trusting God is like, uh, stepping off a cliff and finding out it's only a curb. But that's not always true because sometimes you kind of hit hard, you know, on the curb. That's, yeah. Yeah. It doesn't take much if you don't see it. So I would say in answer to the overthinking question is that you go ahead and invite and then trust God to do his work. I'm trusting. I am def. I'm definitely trusting. I can't wait to hear how God works because it's God doing the work, not you. Yes, he will. And just buy the food. Don't make it. That's too stressful. Yeah, I did enlist some help there. Okay. Alright, so keeping with the theme of overthinking the invitation. I also loved chapter 20, which is titled Listening and Acting are two different Things. So in this chapter, Jenna, a pastor's wife, had moved into the area and in two and a half years, no one invited her over to their house or out for coffee. Now part of it, you're like, you think, oh, come on. But you know what? It, it's more true than we realize. Hmm. So from what I gather, um, when Linda extended the invitation, she wasn't aware of that fact. Right. And so Jenna comes over for a lunch of Pringles, subway sandwiches, and a can of soup. Mm-hmm. And after the lunch, Jenna is so like. Ecstatic. She calls you, Sue. Yeah. To share what a jolly day she had just as you're getting ready to host a pampered Chef party. Yeah, and the thing was, is that even though you were on a tight schedule, you gave her time to share. And so that, that invitation had just revived Jenna's joy, and it made me think. Often we assume somebody else is reaching out to a new neighbor, a new church member, or a guest at a book club or gathering. We talk ourselves out of it based on that assumption. Do you agree that that's part of our mindset and what other reasons that we don't invite. Well, I have 17 reasons why we don't invite and one reason to invite anyway. But one of them is that, that we overthink the, we kind of get into their minds as if we can. We never really know what someone else is thinking. The only one that knows what everybody is thinking is God himself. And so that's why we go to him and say, Lord, how do you want me to use my time today? We use that. We say that every day. And so. So the fact is we don't know who has not been invited. So we invite everybody, okay? Everybody that God leads us to invite. And I've had people not show up. I've had people not be interested in coming, and I think that's okay. They're not on my list from God. But somebody else may be, but I would not know that until I extend the invitation. Do you see how important it is? Oh wow. I have found that women often, just like the fact that they were invited, they don't even come, you know, and they're not interested in coming, but they think, wow, someone cares enough to invite me. Now. This just happened two days ago. Um, we don't have a church parking lot. So we're walking across, mark and I are walking across the park to get to our car and there was this couple walking nearby and the man had a plaid shirt on. Now I call my husband the man in plaid. So I just thought, well, I don't know this couple, they're obviously leaving our church. Um, and so I just called out, I love your plaid shirt, and the wife who was more like me, responded and we started chatting. My husband, the introvert. Just made a beeline to, to our car. And um, so we started chatting. I said, is this your church?'cause I haven't met you. Yes, we're new to this location. We have three locations.'cause we moved into the area and, um, so. Then I found out her name was a very unusual name, Dorian. I said, oh, that's usually a man's name. She goes, yes, I know. And where do you work? And her husband works nights. So I got her number and I texted her later. I said, would you like to come to wine night? She goes, yes, because my husband works nights. It'll be nice to come somewhere after I come home from work. So she came last night and, um. We're gonna have coffee, we're gonna have lunch actually.'cause she has, she works. And so I just thought if I had, she said, thank you so much for taking the time to stop and talk to us. Oh, yes. A God moment. Yeah. And somebody else might go, you know, don't, don't bother me. I'm busy. I gotta go put my kids to bed or whatever, you know? Mm-hmm. They might, they may not be the one. Right. I, I've invited, we have 90 homes in our neighborhood. We have two cul-de-sacs, and there have been times where I've invited all 90 to a, um, Christmas women's brunch, and I'll only get eight or 10 mm. And and you can't take that personally because it's who God wanted there. Yes. Yes. I don't know if I answered your question. Well, it doesn't matter. There was like tons of nuggets in there. Golden nuggets. Yeah. And, and the fact is, is that this pastor's wife, people assume she's either too busy, doesn't wanna come, she's too spiritual for them or whatever. Mm-hmm. And she was just lonely. Yeah. Lonely. Wow. Well, I'm thankful for Linda. Yes. And I'm thankful for you that she, I mean, just the fact that she could not keep that in, you know, how much that meant to her. Yeah. And that it didn't matter that it was Pringles. It didn't matter that it was a plastic tablecloth. Yeah. It didn't matter that it was subway sandwiches. People get, people get hung up on the food. That's one of the 17 reasons I don't cook. So I can't do hospitality, leave hospitality to the extroverts and the good cooks, and that's not hospitality, that's entertaining. Hmm. Another good thought. All right, so at the end of chapter 20, you pose a question and it's, the question is, um, you say, what are your thoughts? On this statement, listening to God comes with strings attached. Mm-hmm. So how would, what are your thoughts about that sentence, Sue? Well, I mean that sometimes it's work to listen to God and obey, right? Yes. It's a sacrifice and, um. I've had a couple of women say, I don't like big groups, but I would like to go to lunch with you. And I'm thinking to myself, I don't have time to go to lunch. I can get a lot of hospitality done with a big group. Or going to lunch is expensive in our town and I don't wanna put the money out. But then, aren't I the, aren't I the answer to all your re needs and resources? Sue, won't I give you the time if you'll obey? And so when you listen to God. And listening comes with obedience. True listening means when you're talking about listening in scripture, you're talking about obedience. Mm-hmm. I mean, my middle child used to say to me when I would ask her, uh, Bethany, have you done this? I, I hear you, mom. I heard you say that, mom. I said, you hear, but you do not do. You hear, but you do not do, and God says the same thing to me, Sue, you're listening, but you're not doing. I've given you two opportunities to go with these non-Christian women who obviously need me, and you're saying, I don't wanna go. I'm too busy. I don't have enough money. I don't have enough time. And he goes, am I your God or not? So it comes with strings attached. It's like, was it Elijah? You know, he was worn out trying to be a prophet, but he said, yeah, God said, here, come sit by the river. Get some rest. I'm gonna give you a full meal, and then you go out and obey me some more. It's not like you have to do it every day, right? Do it every day. As an introvert or an anxious person, you start with once a month. But you do it once a month. Mm-hmm. And, and let me tell you, this is a practical tip, Terry, and I'm telling it to you. Okay. Put it on the calendar and you'll do it. Yeah. I'm a big supporter of that. Yes. Because if you don't schedule it, it's not gonna be done. Right. And when I schedule it, then I realize when people say, well, I wanna have lunch with you, I go, I really can't. I actually can't. Yeah. But I can next month. Yes. Yes. Well, my thoughts on the question, you know, I really pondered that because like you said, you know, you can come up with all sorts of excuses. People in the Bible did it and God was like, oh, I don't think that's gonna be a problem over and over. He kept saying that and, uh. I, uh, you know, I, when I think about it, I think of, yeah, the, the strings are, you know, I'll feel uncomfortable. I'll, um, it'll take me out of, uh, comfort zone. Yeah, comfort zone. I'll, um, I'm, I do the mind reading thing. Um. You know, I, I, I, I'm, I am like, um, as you can see, I, I'm trying to find my words. I, I'm not a great small talker. I'm a great listener. Mm-hmm. But I know I need to put something into the conversation. Now. I know that God will give me the words, but. For a moment, I forget. I, again, emphasis on me as if, you know, I gotta carry the whole thing myself and I don't. No, you don't. So, so. Well there's that saying, you know, where God leads, he provides, and it's the same thing with hospitality. Uh, we were on a cruise, uh, once and I call it a geriatric cruise'cause we were the youngest ones in the, I'm pretty sure, but they loved to talk about themselves. So at every meal there were ate at every table, I would say. Okay, would everybody like to share? Where they were living and what they play, who they played with when they were 10 years old. And these people, they were, you know, retired lawyers, retired physicians, and oh, I was in Brooklyn, New York, and we would, and we didn't have any money, so we played this and blah, blah, blah. And so then like the maitre d would come up to me and say, what's the conversation start tonight? Because he wanted to know what everybody would be talking about because, uh, men and women feel loved. Yes. They get listened to and we, we get overly anxious about, um, oh, I have an idea. I was thinking, my brother's an extrovert. But his wife is an introvert and so he told, he bought my conversation starters. I go, Steve, why did you buy my conversation? Starters? You don't need them. He said, yeah, but we're inviting seven people for Thanksgiving that we don't really know. And so Karen wants me. His wife wanted him in the kitchen helping carve the Turkey. So what are they gonna do in the meantime? Mm-hmm. So he, he bought the printable version so he could cut them up. So he printed off a few pages and they have a little dotted line so you can slice them, you know, cut'em with scissors, and then he folded them and put them in a basket. And this is something else that you could do with your golfing friends the next time. And they just pick a question and they answer that. Ooh. And they can also pass it on to someone else if they're not, if they're uncomfortable. Right. Like for Easter brunch, I put a one of those questions under each plate. Okay. And then people have to lift the plate and figure out, and then again, they've all been willing to answer them. So it's been really fun. Hmm. Such great ideas. It's, well, I'm old. I've done it a long time. Oh my gosh. You're not old. I'm alright. So let's switch the focus from overthinking, the invite to trusting God, which we've already, you know, really kind of dived into. Okay. Um, this was another. Common theme in your book. And so chapter two is titled Sinks and Surrender. And it reveals, uh, your hopes during and after college for the one, a husband, companion and friend, and your concern of ending up alone. And as you pray on this matter, you, you, you share that, you argue with God, you write, I should have known better than to argue. There's no point. But processing out loud is my favorite, and God already knew what was in my head, and that part of the story resonated with me because I, I can't even count the numerous times that I've done it, argued and processed out loud with God. Mm-hmm. But here's the thing. God expects that full range of emotions from us. It's what happens in a relationship. Mm-hmm. And our relationship with God is gonna be frustrating at times. So trusting God. Can cause frustration. And recently I did a podcast series on why she trusts God. And various women came on and described how and why they turned to him as a source of hope. So, um, with chapter two, as a story about trusting in God, Sue, would you share why you trust in God? Well, that is a big question, but it has a simple answer. Who else would I trust? It's like, um. Even I found the man of my dreams within, you know, minutes. I realized, oh, he's not perfect and I can't put all my hopes and dreams in one person. It's too much of a burden. And when Jesus asked the disciples, um, you know, who do you think I am? They said, well, where else would I go? Where else would we go? But you, God. And so I trust God because there's no one else who is trustworthy and it's, it's not like, uh, the people I know and love are. Don't have integrity, but they're not perfect. And so when we can, I think that when we have an accurate view of God, which takes a lifetime to learn. Mm-hmm. As part of my book,'cause every chapter has a different attribute of God that I want us to trust in more. But when we have an accurate view of God and we have an accurate view of ourselves, Terry, when we know we're inadequate, that we will. Say, Hey, I don't have this in myself, but God says I can come to him at any time for any reason. I had a woman say to me yesterday, I can't come to your Y night because I'm in a hard place right now, and I waited about an hour and I just wrote back. I said, uh, God has a soft spot for hard places. So you can always go to him and I'll do a follow up lunch with her because she is in a hard place. So I think that through my hard places, up and down, whatever, everybody has them, that God has invited us to himself and I have found him trustworthy. Mm-hmm. And I wanna add this too. My first thought was, uh, when we trust God. That's a grace from him. He's given us faith. Faith is a gift, but I had to go after it at one point. You saw, you saw that in chapter one, and I think he loves to be pursued. He loves to be pursued. He loves, absolutely loves to be treasured. And, um, it's, it's such a great gift that he gave me. I, I wish I had more faith. I want to trust him more, but then he gave me daughters. So I have lots of practice. Oh, well, I think, um, you know, the history of faithfulness that you build with God, um, I think that's important too. As you think about hospitality, what has he, what did he make happen? Um. How did he show up in that moment where the women were together or it was a one-on-one and believing him for the next one that he will provide and the, the more you build that history of him. Showing up with you and the looking back on that is what propels you to continue to step out in trust. Absolutely. And um, so I, I know'cause each time I invite someone, even if it's just one person to pray, uh, how can the Lord meet their needs at my table? Mm-hmm. That's trust. Because I don't, I think I started to say earlier, we don't really know their needs. One time I was having, um, well, I was hosting Thanksgiving and my brother was in town, and I mean, I, I know my brother, I know his needs. He's a great Christian, but I was praying over each guest that the Lord would meet their need. It included my brother and his needs were met through that, through the people he talked to at the table where he sat. I thought, see, God wants to meet all of our needs, not just the new believers or the unbelievers, but the old time believers. And we pray that God will meet their needs even though we don't know what they are. Hmm. Wonderful. Well, um, your book never Alone. Illustrates the purpose and power of connection. And we can have eyes and ears for the people who cross our life path, extend an invitation and let God reveal the purpose as we connect with them. And I just want to, um, let you, uh, let you listeners know that, um, after each chapter, Sue provides, uh, three questions. Um, it's it. There, think about it, questions. And then she wants you to tell God what's going on, and she gives space in the book for you to write that out. And then she provides a prayer and a, and then she also provides a step towards connection. Connection. And then last to end the chapter, there's always trust this God who never leaves and. You know, there, it's, this is a book that I think you will want to keep almost as a reference, you know, just to continue to motivate you to extend the hospitality that, um, allows God to do his work through you and through others. Hmm. Sue, I thank you so much for sharing these stories and the lived experiences of invitation connection and trusting God and um. I think you are a delightful messenger. And for those listening, you can find her book on Amazon. Uh, read more of her words on her website, uh, www.welcomeheart.com. You can find her on Facebook. And then, like I said, she has two free resources for you. Sue's favorite relaxing recipes and 30 conversation starters from one of her books. Any last comments, Sue? Yes. I've just had, um, some women start reading this book as a group either on Zoom, they meet together on Zoom or they meet together in person, and I've never considered it a Bible study, but they're using it as such to encourage each other, to trust God, which is what your podcast is about and what God is about. Um, and to connect better with others. So if you would, if you have any friends who wanna do that, I'm happy to call you sometime during the study and do a FaceTime call and answer any questions. It would be my delight. So thank you Terry, for having me on. Oh, I definitely could see it being used that way. Well, sure. And thank you. Yeah. And I also have a free Facebook group called Welcome Heart. Welcome Home. So if you're on Facebook, not everybody is, which is fine, but if you are, just come and join us there and we talk about how to use tuna salad and we talk about why we don't do hospitalities when we don't, and we talk about our wins. So it's just an encouraging group of women. We have over 700 in it and, uh, we share what we're, what's going on in helping us connect with God and with others. Great. Thank you. As always, thank you for listening. Visit my website, anchor not anxious.com, and check out the anchor not anxious YouTube channel for special videos. And go to the episode description to get those links to Sue Donaldson's book, her Facebook group and the free resources she wants you to have from her. Until next time,