Why She Trusts God: Cecille Valoria on Living with Generalized Anxiety Disorder

My guest Cecille Valoria was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder at just eight years old — and her journey with GAD didn't ease up for decades. It peaked during perimenopause, affected her ability to drive, and followed her through careers as a teacher, a realtor, and a devoted wife. And yet, she trusts God. Deeply. Consistently. Even in the middle of a flower arranging class while her husband was being rushed to the ER.

In this episode of the Why She Trusts God series, Cecille breaks down what trust actually means: to hide for refuge, to be secure, to be bold. She shares how her faith moved from inherited religion to owned relationship, why knowing God's character is the foundation of any real trust, and the four practical anchors that keep her tethered when anxiety threatens to pull her under.

Cecille is a Christian author, blogger, podcaster, and retired elementary school teacher. She's the author of Slaying Your Fear Giants: Moving from a Jungle of Terror to a Garden of Peace and the founder of A Simple Touch Ministry, which delivers flowers to patients, caregivers, teachers, and healthcare workers. You can find her at cecileviloria.com and on her podcast, Digging Deep for Treasures.

If you've ever been told to "just trust God" and felt like you were failing because you couldn't, this conversation is for you.

Catch Cecille's podcast on her website: Digging Deep for Treasures, 

https://www.instagram.com/valoriacecille/

Get Cecille's book - Slaying Your Fear Giants: Moving from a Jungle of Terror to a Garden of Peace.

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Transcript

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Welcome to Anchored Not Anxious. Today, I have my guest, Cecile Viloria. She is a Christian author, blogger, podcaster, and retired elementary school teacher. She expresses her passion for discipling and encouraging others through her devotional writing, blog, and her podcast, Digging Deep for Treasures Podcast with Cecile. She points people to Jesus and His words so that they too may know and experience peace and hope in their lives. She is the author of Slaying Your Fear Giants: Moving from a Jungle of Terror to a Garden of Peace. On top of that, Cecile created a non-profit organization, A Simple Touch Ministry. They deliver flowers to patients, family caregivers, teachers, and healthcare workers. She's amazing. Welcome to the show, Cecile. Hi, Terri. Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to be on your show. And no, I'm not amazing. I am just... If I am, it's just because I am the ch- a child of God. So that's where I f- I get my amazingness. Okay. A- yeah. I agree. Yeah. Very much so. Gifted from God. Yeah. Thank you. Well, uh, Cecile is here for our series, Why She Trusts God. And so my first question is: How do you define a trust relationship with God? Well, Terry, I'm gonna start by giving your audience a, uh, a scripture verse or verses, and then I will expound from that. So Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." So the word trust is in the original Hebrew means batach or s- is batach. I hope I'm, I'm pronouncing that correctly, but yeah. So it means to hide for refuge, to be confident or be sure, to be bold, secure, and to hope. So for me, trusting God is really putting my faith in Him with all my heart and with all my mind, and I know as a human being, you know, we cannot truly, completely put our faith and trust, right, completely, because we are still in this world. But to trust God, for me, means that, um, and my relationship with Him, um, what it means to me is that I am really relying on Him, believing in His goodness. I am looking at who He is and really delighting in His character and being confident because I know that He is good and He is trustworthy, and He does what He promises. And so my trust in Him is based on His character. Um, and when I trust Him in our relationship, I am able to acknowledge that the hope, the joy, the peace, everything that comes around believing or comes from believing Him is not really coming from me or anything I do, but from Him who is the source of this and who I can be confident about and trust because He is faithful, He is someone I can depend on, and is sure. So that's what I define trust with. Well, that is a, that's a, a ton of attributes right there Yes. Yeah And I love the part where you say, I mean, sort of the summary statement would be you trust in the character of God. Yeah. And I think that's where, that's where the trust issue comes in. People don't know the character of God. They've heard what other people think the character of God is based on their life experience. I, myself, kind of made up what I thought the character of God was because I wasn't- Yeah raised in the church. Yeah. And the Bible was, you know, it was kind of like, yeah, I don't know. I don't really understand. It's hard to find what- Yeah who God is and who I am to Him. So yeah, I mean, you know, the confidence, the delight, the believing, the relying I feel f- you know, if I was gonna define it, it's born from relationship and experience. Exactly. So you've got- Exactly the character. You've got relationship and experience. Yes. And so, You can't just tiptoe into the pool of getting to know God. You pretty much have to take a dive or what do they, what do they call that? A belly flop. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You have to get in- Yeah to the pool. Otherwise, you won't know how it feels, right? Right. Or what it is. Yeah. In fact, um, just last week, I started, um, teaching a class on how to study your Bible, um, verse by verse and word by word, or one verse at a time and, um, also studying a word, and this is a, um, study b- Bible study method that was, um, put together by Angie Bowman. It's called the step-by-step method. And, um, I prayed about what verse or what scripture verse and word we, I was going to share. And supposedly, I was going to follow what the sermon of our church is, right? Right. But, but basically, when I was praying, God, I felt God, um, impress in my heart to start with Psalm, um- Oh my goodness. Psalm 1:2. And basically it is, um, a verse that talks about, um, delighting in the word. Mm-hmm. And I, when I was studying that word delight, um, what I learned was, you know, or what insight I got is that, you know, we can delight in the word, but in order to delight in the word, we first must know who gave us the word. Mm-hmm. Yes. Right? Yeah. We have to delight in Him first and to know Him, but then it's like, you know, uh, it goes hand-in-hand. If you don't study the word, you won't know the one who gave us the word, and if you don't know the one who gives us the word, then you wouldn't believe or have confidence or trust in the word. Mm. So it's, it goes hand-in-hand. And also, you know, the Holy Spirit is the one that enlightens us through all this. Mm-hmm. So yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And- You know, I love devotions and Bible studies, you know? But a lot- sometimes too with the Bible studies, you know, they provide the verse and, uh, you know, the, you know, the, the Bible says that God's word is alive and active. His presence, you know, we meet him in that word, you know? It is life. Exactly. And you really absolutely have to read it from the Bible, and I'm not saying there's some- Yeah super power coming out of it or not. But- Yeah what I'm saying is is, yeah, you meet God in that. The Holy Spirit prompts your heart to latch on to a word or a phrase, and I think that's why this, you know, Bible study method is so effective because, you're not consuming it like, a bowl of ice cream and gobbling it up. you're just taking an ice cream cone, one lick at a time and savoring- Mm-hmm and enjoying it. Yeah. So. Yeah. And I agree with you with, I mean, I'm a devotional writer. Yeah. Um, right? But, um, in one of my devotions, I actually entitled it Do Not Read My Devotion. Because I felt, I mean, I was I consumed devotions like crazy before. You know, before I really sat down and, and looked at verses, looked at chapters, look at the entire, you know, picture. And it's like I, I love devotions. Mm-hmm. But, you know, it is always important to just first get into the word and let the word inform you. Mm. Yes. Right? Absolutely, yes. Yeah. All right. So how did your trust relationship with God sprout and grow? Well, basically we have to go back all the way when I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. Okay. And that was when I was eight years old. Mm. Um, I didn't know what that meant, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, but I kept on- My mom actually kept on taking me to the emergency room because I would have, like, almost like pa- panic attacks. Mm-hmm. I don't know what, I mean, what they were at first, but I knew that my heart would start thumping really, really hard. I would freeze or, like, my, my fingers would freeze, and I wouldn't Like, they won't bend or anything. I was just, like, in a state of panic or something. Yes. Um, I couldn't think straight. I was, like, I was My brain was foggy and stuff. And so it started there. The doctor actually diagnosed me at the ER and said, "Oh, this child has, you know, general anxiety disorder," and I don't know. I mean, it's, it's scary because she might have a cardiovascular... And I, I, I heard all these words Oh, my you know, as a little girl, and I'm like, "What is going on? Am I going to die?" Oh. "What is wrong with me?" You know? And I, and in fact, that's, that's how my book started, um, my epilogue and, um, or, um, and you have to go ahead and read that part because it's interesting how I learned, or, or my prologue, um, how I learned that I had this, that this was going on. Like, when I would, I was in, in piano lessons, and I have memorized my piece so well, but when the day came for our recital- Yeah I would just shake. My fingers would shake. Oh. I wouldn't remember, you know, what I practiced or what I memorized. Mm. And I'm like, "What is wrong with me?" Aw. You know, there's something wrong with me when I see, you know, my peers and they're fine. They're playing really well, and, you know. So, so that's where my journey started. But where my faith started was where my parents' faith started. Oh. My parents were very, very religious, um, people, and so we were always at church. I mean, it was like, my, my dad especially, I grew up in a Catholic background. Mm, okay. And my dad was a, um- uh, Knights of Columbus. I think he was, uh, you know, one of the top fourth degree or something like that. Okay. So he was very, very religious. He was very strict with our faith. Like, we needed to be at church. We needed to be on Sundays, on Wednesdays. And so that, their faith started my faith. Mm. Um, I saw their faith, and that kind of showed me what it was to trust in someone. Um, but I owned up my faith when... And my relationship with the Lord, when I was in senior high school, and I got involved with Campus Crusade for Christ. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And, um, my spiritual parents showed me or shared with me the love of Jesus and how it was for me to step into a trusting, um, and believing, faithful relationship with the Lord. Wow. And that's how I started owning my own faith. Mm. Um, but mind you, I was still going through all this, all this anxiety. Um, but that made such a, a big difference in my life. It was an impactful... I mean, one of the, you know, best decisions I could ever have made in my life was putting my trust in Jesus Christ. Yes. Well, I love that term, owning your faith, because when I was taking religious studies at a, small Lutheran college, my mentor professor had said, "You need to work through your faith with fear and trembling." He goes, "And I need you to come back to me and tell me what that, what that really means." Mm-hmm. And, I was, totally perplexed because I was living off of the faith of my in-laws. I didn't grow up in church. I was just like- Yeah "Okay, this is what you believe. I'll believe. You know." Yeah. And I was still clinging to my former idea of who God was to me. Yeah. And it was not good. he was- Yeah a punitive God. He saw me as, just a huge disappointment. So I didn't have a trust relationship with God. But once I owned my faith, and in fact, I, I actually created my faith off of the Bible and not- Mm-hmm what other people were telling me. Yes. That's when I underst- I started hearing, this trust relationship with God. Yeah. But from there, it was like nobody could tell me how, how do I trust God? And it was like, "Well, you just do because you believe in him." Yeah. Uh, I'm sorry. That doesn't fly. And that's one of the reasons for Anchored Not Anxious is because no, you can't tell people just to trust God. That, that's empty and meaningless, Exactly. Exactly. And, and it doesn't help. It makes them feel like, oh, apparently I'm a failure because I'm not, and, and that's not true either. Yeah. So, uh, Cecile, describe the impact of your trusting God on your day-to-day life. What is the effect on your heart, your thoughts, emotions? Okay. Well, basically my trust relationship with God is what holds me and anchors me, because everyday life is different. There's, you know, um, things happen that you don't expect. But when I Because I have a trust relationship with God, I can, you know, go in to those situations and know that there is someone I can run to, that there is someone who I can go to for refuge. Just like we started with a meaning of trust in the original word batach. Right. Um, yeah. So it's hiding for refuge or being confident or sure, being bold and secure. Um, the, my trust, the trust relationship I have with God is the one that keeps me secure. Um, I've had so many, um, experiences with suffering and with pain, um, from the very beginning, of course, with being, uh, diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, and this did not go away for decades. Yeah, yeah. Um, I went through or lived my life with GAD until I was perimenopausing. Mm. So when, when I started perimenopause, that was the peak of my anxiety. Oh, ah. Crazily. Can you imagine? Oh. Yes, yes. In fact, the crazy thing is I'm not, although I have anxiety, I'm not, um, one who doesn't go for a challenge. True. So, okay, so I was teaching, right, for so many years already, and I taught as a English language teacher, um, for- probably six or seven years. And I got burnt out because I was going from one school to another. Okay. Like, I was i- itinerant. And so I would drive, I was given, like, 10 minutes between schools. What? And I carried three schools, so each of my schools had probably, like, 50 to 100, um, people or students. Wow. And I got so burnt out. Hmm. I got burnt out that the next year, or the last year that I was teaching English language learners, I decided I was going to, to take a half-time, um, half-time teaching position. And so I did that, and then my, a friend of mine who was an assistant for, excuse me, for, um, special ed said, um, "Have you ever considered be- becoming a realtor?" And I'm like, "Yes." Oh my gosh, that is, like, a huge deviation. Yes. So we took the exams, passed it with one taking, and then we got involved with Coldwell Banker. Okay. Right? So I was teaching half-time and being a realtor half-time. Which was really, like, you know, going from the pan to the fire. If you know what I mean. Yeah. I mean, my, my first year as a realtor was really crazy. I did not have boundaries for myself. In fact, there was one house I was selling, and the owners were really, um, I think it's, it's hard when it's money that's huge. Yeah. Right? Especially, uh, selling a house is a big thing. Phew, yeah. And so I even had to be, you know, talking to them in the middle of the night. Ugh. Midnight. And I'm like, after that experience I said, "Cecile, no. You need to put boundaries." There's no emergency in real estate unless, you know, of course you're building a house or whatever. Right. But, so I did. I put boundaries. I said, at 6:00 or 6:30, my phone's off. They can call me and leave a message- Yes and then I'll respond. So it was a learning experience for me, but, um, you know, that's, that's how it was. Yeah. Yeah, so you were, like, trying to not be burnt out, and then you just turned it, turned it into high gear. Yeah. Exactly. Oh my gosh. Exactly. And, and you know, it seems benign at the, at the start, but then the thing is, is that, you know, that's just feeding your anxiety as you're trying to figure out, "Oh, okay, how am I gonna juggle all this?" And, and it gets- Yeah bigger than what you thought, so. And that was when I was also going through my perimenopause, right? Oh. So I couldn't even drive. I couldn't... As a realtor, you have to go places. Right. My, my husband was the one driving me because I could not drive. Oh. So, you know. Oh, poor thing. Yeah. Well, I've never believed that trusting God is a simple process, repeatable in every situation. And I think you said that at the beginning. There was a time where I reached out in trust to Him because I had hit, I had hit despair, and the only, the only two options was just, was despair or acceptance. Mm-hmm. And, you know, I knew I didn't wanna remain in despair. So if I was going to choose acceptance, that meant I had to trust God with my future. So it was the hardest thing I'd ever done. But then later on, I made a decision that, the worst decision. I left a job because of m- of a moral dilemma, and didn't bother to ask, "What do you want me to do? Should I just wait while you prepare the way?" No. I'm out. You'll, you'll take care of me, God. Uh-huh. So then I ended up learning to trust Him out of desperation because God put me on the waiting list. Mm. And there wasn't gonna be no quick fix for what I had done. Has anyone ever asked you why or how you trust God? I believe so. I, I believe that, you know, even, even when they don't ask, they wonder, right? Yes. Even if they're not bold enough to ask you. I know some people have, have asked me, but not You know, a lot of people will are shy to ask. Mm-hmm. Right? But you can tell. Um, you know, like I had an experience, uh, just recently where I had to teach a flower arranging class, but the night before that, my husband and I were in the emergency room 'cause my husband had problems. Okay. So we only had an hour and a half of sleep. Oh. Um, the next morning, um, my husband actually didn't wanna go to the emergency room at that time. Mm-hmm. Because he said, "You have a class the next day." I'm like, "I don't care if I have a class the next day, we are going because you need care." Mm. And so I finally convinced him at 1:30 in the morning to go, and we were there until 3:30. But God did some miracles there at the hospital. And so the next morning, I went to teach the flower arranging class. Oh. And, uh, before I started or be- on my way there, I kind of, you know, prayed to the Lord and I said, "Lord, um, you know I have not slept really well. I need, I need your strength." Mm. "I need you to just carry me through this whole thing." And I said, "Use me in whatever way you want to use me." And then I said, "And let your glory shine." Oh. So when I was there, um, I went to the bathroom 'cause the flower arranging class started at 9:30, was going to start at 9:30. I quickly went to the bathroom, like five minutes or three minutes before the time, and on my way out my phone rings. Mm. My husband calls. His blood pressure was down to 77 over 48. Ooh. And I knew I could not leave, you know. I knew that that is very dangerous, and so I called 911. So I told my husband, "I'll call 911 right now. Keep the door open," you know, and stuff like that. Yeah. Our neighbors came and, you know, 'cause I called the neighbors after 911. They were actually, they saw the ambulance and they saw the firetruck, and they came to, to check on my husband. And the ambulance took him to the emergency room. Mm. Um, but before I started, um, the flower arranging class, I stopped and said to the ladies who were there, I said, "Do you mind if we f- first pray? Because this is what's happening at home." Oh. And one of the ladies actually volunteered, and we prayed for my husband. Um, Terry, I have to tell you, God showed us His glory. Mm. Because for someone who had a history of GAD, general anxiety disorder, I had so much peace. I was able to crack jokes. Oh. I was able to teach the ladies how to put flower arrangements together. And at the end of that session, I was able to, with the help of some of the ladies, put everything away and then go home, drop off some of the flowers, and then go to the hospital. Wow. So, you know, that's, that's where when, when we say, you know, we don't always- We don't always respond in trust, right? Yeah. But, but when you are in a situation where, like, you are in a desired need, I mean desperate need, like you were. Mm-hmm. When you go to Him and, and really humbly, and I've, I've been through this situation so- for so many times. Oh. It's like I knew that He would come to my rescue. I knew that He is there. Mm. Um, Psalm 46:5 says, um, because Psalm 46:10 tells us, "Be still and know that I am God." Yes. "I will be exalted in all the earth. I will be exalted in all the nations. I will be exalted in all the earth, in the earth." Um, but I was asking myself before, um, 'cause I was studying this verse also, I said, "Lord, how can I be still when I am in, like, the- Yes the scariest situations, when I am very desperate?" And He brought me this, this study came from an experience I was having then, and He brought me back to Psalm 46:5, which talks about He is within you. Hmm. He is within us. That's why we can be still. Yes. Yes. And, um, and so why can I trust Him at times when I am not trusting, um, or I'm not able to trust? Um, I can trust Him because of the faithfulness that He showed me from the previous or from my past. And so, you know, when you keep on remembering- Mm-hmm His faithfulness and His goodness, um, and you know that He is within you and He is with you, and you know that He said, Jesus told His disciples, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." When you keep on thinking about these things in moments when you cannot trust, just like that centurion who said, "Lord, help me in my unbelief." Mm-hmm. Right? Yes. Then in those moments when your faith and your trust are low, then you can still trust Him because He will, and He is the one, He... The Holy Spirit is the one who gives us that faith and that trust. The faith and trust we have did not come from ourselves. Right. It emanated from Him. Yes, my parents showed me, but their faith and trust did not- Start from them. It started from the Holy Spirit who gave them the faith. It started from the par- their parents who- Mm-hmm also showed them and modeled trust to them. And so that's why we can still trust when we are not able to trust. That's awesome. Well, one thing I wanna point out is that, in that flower c- flower arranging class, you didn't need to use words that you were trusting- No God. You know? Yeah. They all saw it. And like you said, they were probably wondering, "How is she doing this?" But because you had said, "Let's pray," they knew that you were, you f- you had that sure confidence that God would take care of your husband. But being confident and sure he is with you and for you is centered on, reliant on what you've seen him do and what you've remembered that he's done in the past. Yes. And, I call that developing a history of faithfulness, I love that. Our pastor's wife has a journal. Yeah. And every prayer that she r- asked, she writes down the response. You know, i- a no response is still a response. It's still. And then what she learned from that, what, what she noticed and gained, from that experience. When you said he never forsakes us, um, never leaves us alone- Yeah that's the absolute truth because we have the Holy Spirit inside. Yes. And you have the Ho- you have the word, so he's with you there. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Well, last question. What's the most important aspect of trusting God you want the listener to take away today? Um, I couldn't just do one. I'm sorry. I mean, you start me talking about God and you will open a can of worms. Um, well, the most important aspect of trusting God is really getting to know him and his character. Yes. Um, because your faith can only be as deep as- how much you know Him. Mm-hmm. Um, if you, like, y- our parents or someone that you are, like your husband or wife, if you don't know them, then that trust relationship would not grow, and you can't build it. You need to know the person- Mm-hmm in order for you to be able to grow your faith. And so one of the things that I would leave with you is really get to know God Get to know him intimately Mm. Um, and the way that you do that is really getting into his word. We're going back to the- word and God again. I know. It- With some, uh, someone too. Right. Um, you know, you can't delight in the word unless you know who gave you the word, and you can't know who gave you the word unless you are in the word. Um, so it goes back to that. Then the other thing that really would help in our, our faith and in trusting him is really praying. Mm-hmm. Um, because that opens the communication. In any relationship, um, the experts tell us that the, the biggest thing that helps relationship is an open communication. Yes. And so basically, if you're not communicating with God, if you're not praying to him, if you are not opening your heart to him and having him speak to you, then you're not communicating with him. Then you are blocking that free, you know, uh, flow of, you know, your relationship. Yes. Yeah. I, I- And then... Yeah. Go ahead. Um, and then I think the third thing I wanna leave with you is something that the Lord keeps on saying in his word to the Israelites, and even to us, the word remember. We need to remember his faithfulness. We need to remember his faithfulness to the Israelites. We need to remember his faithfulness to our past, our parents, our, you know, and the people we have seen who have, who God has brought miracles to. Um, we need to remember his faithfulness to us personally. Mm. Because when we remember, then that keeps the lies of the enemy away. Oh, and I was gonna say, I'm sorry I said third and last. No. There's still one more. And I might be able to keep on going, but I know I'll, I'll stop right here. Okay The fourth one is praise and gratitude. Yes. So praise and thank Him. Mm-hmm. Um, the more that we praise and thank Him, the more that we, that, that, that serotonin or the, the juices in our brain, you know, the, the good things in our brain would come out, um, because praise and gratitude help those to flow. Yes. Yes. And so yeah. Um- And I'll probably stop at that or else I'll keep going. Oh, Cecile, this has been so wonderful. Thank you. I feel like we're on the same wavelength, you know? Yeah. And, um, so, uh, for you listening, you can, um, find everything about Cecile at her website, cecileviloria.com. I'll put that in the episode description. She is, uh Her podcast is on her website, her blog, and then also I'll put the link to her book, Slaying Your Fear Giants. And then of course you can, uh, find her on Facebook, and I'll put that link in there, too. Or Instagram. Well, Cecile, this has been great, and I'm so glad that we had this conversation. Yeah. I am, too. Thank you so much again, Terri, for having me here. It was a pleasure as well as an honor to be on your podcast, and I can't thank you enough, um, for opening this opportunity for me to be able to share and encourage others to trust in Him. Yes. All right. Until next time.