WDYM What Do You Mean?
WDYM What Do You Mean?
The Bizarre Patients of Senior Living!
Have you ever wondered what really happens at senior facilities? In this raw and uncensored episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on the bizarre, hilarious, and sometimes disturbing realities of working in senior healthcare.
From my archives comes a collection of unforgettable tales that perfectly capture the stranger side of caring for elderly patients. There's the diabetic who demanded 60 ounces of regular Coca-Cola daily despite having already lost part of his leg, and the woman who transformed her room into an 80s time capsule complete with vintage perfumes that made her space smell "exactly like the Golden Girls' house" – all while insisting I call her "Delicious" (which I absolutely refused).
The healthcare system itself comes under scrutiny as I reveal the shockingly simple "BIMS test" used to determine a resident's mental competence – remember three words and know approximately what year it is, and you're deemed capable of making all your decisions. I discuss paradox where patients refuse to practice essential skills like coming down to the dining room, then complain when their food arrives cold to their rooms.
Most memorably (though you might wish you could forget), I share my encounters with what staff called "doodoo men" Hope you enjoy!
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you're listening to the wdym, the what do you mean?
Speaker 1:Podcast. Hamilton's number one podcast. Now sit back and relax. Here's hamilton'm your host, michael Gillespie. Hope all is good, hope all is well.
Speaker 1:This episode, this episode is an archive episode. This one has slipped through the cracks, so to speak. Week um, when I'm recording episode up after episode after episode, sometimes I might forget to edit an episode or put an episode out there, and this one, this one, was done in july. So instead of leaving it in the archives and just deleting it, I'm gonna put it out there because I still think it's an entertaining story and, being in my career, where I'm dealing with seniors a lot, you get across some funny stories. One of my highest rated episodes is the one I tell about, you know, being in a rehab center. This is a continuation of it, or part two, I should say. And I, you know, I just feel like you know, if I sat down to record, I need to put it out there and edit. So that's what you're going to get today, today's episode. You're going to get an archive episode of Tales from a Rehab Center, part 2. Hope you guys enjoy.
Speaker 1:You're listening to the WDYM, the what Do you Mean Podcast, hamilton's number one podcast.
Speaker 1:Now sit back and relax. Here's Hamilton's own. Michael Gillespie. I just have a quick question Before we start the show who are you voting for? Who are you voting for? We're screwed, no matter what we do. We as Americans are so screwed with our choices. Two choices, oh man. We'll get into that today a little bit, not in depth, just a little bit on the surface right now, because it's freaking July and it's too early to get into that. But eventually I will welcome to the WDYM podcast. I'm your host, michael Gillespie. Hope everything's good, everything is well with you.
Speaker 1:And yeah, we just had, um, a debate with, uh, the 45th and 46th president and it's like the worst choice ever. It's almost like, hey, do you want to die by fire or do you want to drown? It's like, how about? Neither? I don't want to die either way by that, but it's like that's the worst. This is the worst choice I have. I have seen in a long time. I mean, every other election. You're always like, okay, I favor this person or I favor that person. Honestly, honestly, who are you favoring for this one? You got one that just constantly lies about everything and you got one that he probably forgot where he was during the during the first, first uh debate. It's like, it's terrible. I cannot imagine giving anybody just two choices. Hey, you want to eat something? Yeah, well, guess what? You get? Crackers or water. Which one? It's like dang for real.
Speaker 1:And this is what we in 2024 are getting ready to face in what? November or something. So, yeah, hopefully there's some kind of miracle that happens, because both these choices are absolutely terrible. We're screwed. We are screwed, but this has been an ongoing problem forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there is a video of who is that guy mitch mcconnell. Mitch mcconnell is a us senator since 1985. The man is 82 years old and there's this press conference where he's talking well and he freezes like someone needs to push his reset button. But this is the problem with all our political stuff. We have people in there that's in their 80s and it's like who in their right mind will listen to anybody in their 70s and 80s? We need change fast. Age limits need to be ASAP, like as soon as possible, because it's ridiculous. This dude, mitch McConnell, has been in there since 1985. That's a problem. That is an absolute problem. Let me ask you this question Would you listen to an 82-year-old man? Would you listen to an 82 year old man? Would you listen to an 81 year old man? Would you listen to a 78 year old man? Not on purpose, not on purpose man. We got some issues politically and hopefully it clears up before the general election in November. The main topic for today is kind of rise with the idea of the presidential talk I just had.
Speaker 1:Since I'm no longer with my previous company, I'm going to tell one more story from the rehab Tales from the Rehab, Part 2, or the finale, however you want to see it. I'm going to tell these last four stories that I remember that I recall Doing. These stories talking about the residents that we have at the rehab center are absolutely hilarious in my book, in my opinion. Since I'm no longer there, I could go ahead and just go into it a little more extensively. Again, I will respect the rules that they. That was set, but uh, yeah. So I have five stories for you from tales of the rehab the finale. So, without further ado, let's get into it.
Speaker 1:The number one, one of the guys, number one well, the first story number one was we had this one gentleman, he he's been there a couple times. I remember him coming in and out, coming in and out two to three times, you know when, at this certain age in their life, they they had their wants and needs and everything. And I roughly understand this guy. He wanted Coke, a cola, he wanted Coca-Cola all the time, two for breakfast, two for lunch and two for dinner, mind you. And then in the middle he wanted, you know, the aides to bring him a coke. So I'm looking at the tickets and I recognize the name for this one. We'll call him dino. Dino always wanted these cokes. I'm like, man, we're gonna, we're gonna kill this person.
Speaker 1:This guy is asking for nothing but coke, not diet coke. And I was getting coke zero and two. But coke, not diet coke. And I was getting coke zero and two. No, none of that. He wanted the old school coca-cola. He wanted the coca-cola. Okay, all right.
Speaker 1:So I went to go visit him and I noticed some of his leg was missing. I said, okay, that means you have. You already have an issue with your sugars to a point where you can't walk out of here no more. You are permanently wheelchair bound. And I'm like, come on, this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. Like, why do you want all these cokes? He says, listen, I'm a veteran and I'm this age and I just want my cokes.
Speaker 1:I said, first off, thank you for your service. Because of you I couldn't have done what I've done. I'm a veteran, too right. He said, oh, you are. I said yeah. He said what branch? I said the best branch ever United States Air Force. Don't need a trip. So he said yeah, I'm Army. I said yeah, okay, whatever.
Speaker 1:So I'm like all right, this is what I'm going to give you, your Cokes, but I'm not going to give you a full cup of Coke. He's like you better give me a full cup of Coke. I said I'm not going to give you a full cup of Coke. I want to talk to your supervisor. I said you want to talk to my supervisor, and I was slick with this. I said you want to talk to my supervisor in the building. He said yeah. I said okay, I'll be right, I'm the supervisor of this building and I'm going to bring you your two Cokes and I'm going to fill it up to the line right here. All right, so okay.
Speaker 1:So the first day we're having this problem and I put a crap ton of ice in it. I put so much ice in there, it was at the top and filled it up with Coke, didn't get no complaints. I'm like all right, cool, cool, cool. So I did that for a couple of days. So he's getting these. Cups were nine ounces of liquid. He had over 12 ounces of ice, so I was like, yeah, this is perfect, I'm icing it up. He's not complaining and all that stuff. Well, here's the problem. When he would ask for the A's for the cup, my cups were 16 ounces of styrofoam cups and he would get a whole bunch of Coke. I'm like, oh man, we're not doing our job.
Speaker 1:And this is the thing that I always say. Like I would always go to nursing and tell them hey, you know, we're here to make them better. You know, giving them all this Coke is not helping them. Like this is not cool. And then I would always talk to the head nurse. She would always say, well, well, michael, we have to give them what they want. I said, but do we, though? She's like, yeah, we're nurses and we got to give them what they want. And even if it's against their own will, I'm like this, or even if it's what they want, it's bad for their body, we have to give it to them. I never understood that. I never understood that notion where we have to give them something that is bad for them. You know it's always in quantity. You know you give them one piece of bacon or two pieces of bacon, but six pieces of bacon, come on now. That's the problem that I always have, and me and the nurse, we would always go back and forth but I ought to do what she said.
Speaker 1:So the coke problem with this guy he was like this doesn't make sense. I'm trying to fight this, right, I'm trying to fight this to the best of my ability. I'm like so I'm talking to everybody. Like this man cannot be in his right mind Because he's asking he's getting if I do the math, he's getting 36 ounces of Coke from me a day, counting, not counting the 16 ounces of Coke he gets from the AIDS. Like this man is going to turn black because he's drinking so much Coke. No, so I'm like this dude cannot be in his right mind. He's drinking over 50, 60 ounces of Coke. I'm like this is he's not in his right mind. I'm like this dude is crazy. That's what I said. He's crazy. Going back to that nurse, he's crazy. I was like well, michael, he passed his BIMS test. I said BIMS test. So what is a BIMS test?
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, there's a test you get when you first enter a facility. It's called a BIMS test. Let me tell you what's on a BIMS test. Stand by All right, bims test. Here's question one of a BIMS test.
Speaker 1:Ask a resident. I am going to say three words for you to remember, please repeat the words after I say all three. The words are sock, blue and and bed. Now tell me the three words can easily off the top. So this person's pulls a name. Two out of three words sock, blue, bed. If you get that boom, you get one question right after the resident first attempt repeat the word using cues, like you said, like what was the word? Okay, you said rock, but if you put an ass, what would it be? And then he can say oh, oh, oh, sock, bing, bing, bing. He passed the BIMS test.
Speaker 1:Question one. The next question please tell me what year it is right now. Tell me what year it is right now. You can miss this by two to five years. If you miss this by five years or you get it correct, you pass the BIMS test. What month is it is right now. You get that, you get all the Coke. You want. Give me the correct day of the week. If you get that, you get all the Coke. You want, give me the correct day of the week. If you get that, you get all the coke you want.
Speaker 1:This is the parameter that we used to make sure these residents had the right mind. It was, it was absolutely bonkers fat. It was like this he's getting them all wrong, right, getting them all wrong. Now, as soon as you say, hey, sir, if you don't pass this BIM test, you don't get your coke, guess what the resident would do. The fat cat sat on a hat, saw a rat on a mat, got a bat, had a chat with a gnat that he'd pat in a vat. That was flat. Oh yeah, oh yeah, he's getting his coke. He's getting his coke. As soon as he did that, he is getting his coke. As soon as he did that, he is getting his coke. You couldn't do that. It's.
Speaker 1:It's weird that we use this as a measurement to see if they're crazy or sane, I'm sorry, see if they're sane. So, basically, I was forced to give this man all this, all the coke he wanted. Weird. So what I did what I did. His son came in and I snitched on his ass I don't care. I snitched right on and said look, do you realize your dad is drinking almost 60 ounces of coke a day? He said, dad, what are you doing? And all he did was just sit there like with a wiggle, like you know, move his thumbs around and stuff. He's like well, I want what I want. He said you know, move his thumbs around and stuff. He's like well, I want what I want. He said you know what, dad? You're drinking one Coke and one water. He said can you do that, chef? One Coke and one water. I said absolutely. And I did that BIMS test. We actually use that to see how competent they are.
Speaker 1:Another one, another guest we had. We had this one lady. Oh, my god, we had this one lady, right, she. She was like the fifth golden girl, if you will. Um, she.
Speaker 1:When she came in, she set a whole room up like it was her house and everything had bottles and smell goods and everything. I swear. Every time I went into her room it smelled like the 1980s and what, the what? I thought what the golden girl's house would smell like. It was unbelievable how. And she even had the poofy hair and everything like straight from the 80s, like she once 1989 stopped. So does she. She did not go past the 90s and everything.
Speaker 1:And uh, the funny thing about her, it was like I would come in. You know she will. She came maybe two or three times and she's like she would come in. I would knock on doors. Hey, you know, uh, guest services or whatever I used to say back then. I don't remember dining facility, I don't know something. I used to guest services.
Speaker 1:She's like you can come on in. I said, well, I have your food, because you know when talk, you got to talk slow and upbeat. I got your food, miss Johnson, I just made the name up. I don't remember her name. She's like well, you can just call me delicious Just for jokes and purposes. She said call me delicious.
Speaker 1:I said first off, ma'am, I will never, never call any woman delicious. Okay, just for this story. Her name was delicious. I said, man, I will never. But you can't. But she's like I will never call you, never call any woman delicious, but you can call me delicious. I said, absolutely not. I'm gonna keep calling you miss johnson for the rest of your time. I'm gonna do it to spite you. I can't believe she thought I would call her miss delicious and stuff like that. Uh-uh, absolutely not.
Speaker 1:And you're stuck in the 1980s. There ain't no way she had perfume, had had perfume from the 1980s that she kept bottles of. She must have had a stash of whatever smelled good back in the 1980s Because she had that room smelling like the Golden Girls. That's exactly what I remember the Golden Girls would smell like. That's what I thought the golden girls house smelled like. It just had to smell like that. It just, oh, lo and behold, she was she. She was watching golden girls too, she. And she would always like every time she's seeing me, she's like hi, michael, it's me delicious like I ain't calling you delicious. So, hey, miss Johnson, how you doing, but you can call me delicious. And now the audacity. No, that makes me want to throw up a little bit. She had the audacity to say that that was disgusting. Yeah, she said call me delicious.
Speaker 1:Never, ever, ever, another thing at a rehab facility. You practice rehabilitation, right, like you practice walking, and you practice, you know, doing things you do at home, right, not here at this facility. We fed these people in their rooms. Now it used to be back in. You only ate in a room if you were sick. If you were sick and you were just physically unable to come out to the dining room, then, yes, you got your tray delivered to you.
Speaker 1:Since we had COVID, we never went back to people coming down. Nobody came down. The only time people came down was when our activities person, miss cindy. She would go ask these people hey, do you mind you want to come down and socialize and meet and greet other people, other residents here? And people will be like, yeah, and we used to have a lease, we would get at least 12. We were not equipped to do that because we were still delivering. So it was really a weird situation how to keep somebody back to feed the people that came out and then still deliver trays and everything.
Speaker 1:This was the ongoing fight, because nursing was supposed to bring down people and they wouldn't. They wouldn't. We had don's D-O-Ns come in and come by and, like I had in my time there, I had roughly four D-O-Ns in my facility. It never worked and the only time it worked again was when Cindy would go get them. Any other time they wouldn't come down. It was just impossible, right. And then here's the funny, here's the kicker to it.
Speaker 1:They would complain about the food Like one guy oh my God, this one guy, we absolutely refused he would. He would complain that his food was cold. So one of the servers come up and say, mike, you gotta go to his room. He wants to talk to the person in charge. I'm like, all right, cool, so I will go to his room. And he would act like he was angry. He would have the audacity to be angry with me. He would slam something down like that and be like I can't understand why my food is cold. So I just got all like, you know, all like a cold.
Speaker 1:It's like, well, come on down. Guess what? If you come down to the dining room, you get your food, food hot, and you also you know what. You can get refills, you can get seconds and you can get whatever you want if you come on down. You know how many times I had to pitch that to people. I pitched that just like that. If I had the music back then, I would have played this as I was coming to the room. So back to this guy, I said, sir, if you would come on down, I would have played this as I was coming to the room. So back to this guy I said, sir, if you would come on down you wouldn't have this problem. And he was like well, last time I was here I didn't have this problem. I said I'm sorry that you're having this problem now, but if you come on down you can come get the hottest food that I'm providing here and refills and bread, all you want. Only if you come on down.
Speaker 1:But they were stubborn. They were stubborn so bad that they just refused. And it's like I'm like, sir, is the rehab facility? I'm like, sir, do you eat in your bed at home? He said, well, no. I said, okay, you are at a rehab facility, you need to practice rehabilitation. Like, for example, you need to practice rehabilitation so when you go home you're ready and you won't slip and fall. Okay, you've been walking and you've been doing all this and guess what, you don't eat in your bed Because you have to get up and cook and everything. So If you just Come on down, you will be practicing your own rehab and, no matter how much sense that made, it didn't work. After miss cindy like basically quit because she was the only one doing it and there was email sent out saying, hey, cindy's not supposed to be doing this and none of the nurses were helping. It's like what the heck are we supposed to do, supposed to do? Let it be known that nobody.
Speaker 1:The last story, now this one, I have seen In multiple locations. I've worked at hospitals, I've worked at senior facilities, I've worked at rehab places. The last one is the most weirdest one possible. When I used to work at the hospital, we had a specific floor for the cuckoos, for the crazy people, right, this one one. He just laid in his bed like just feet, like he laid straight in his bed. It was not, he's not turned to his side or anything. And the rare few times I had to deliver up there, you know I would wave and just, you know, say hi briefly, as brief as possible, and then keep it moving. That's what I was for me. I just didn't like being in there. Right, that's what I was for me. I just didn't like being in there.
Speaker 1:So the one, this one guy I'm making an example of back in my hospital days, um, he was cool, he was actually like just chilling. Yeah, you know, had an episode, I'm not crazy, just just had an episode. I said, okay, that's cool, but uh, what's? You know? He had brown on his lips. Like what's the brown for? He's like man. You know he had brown on his lips, like what's the brown for? He's like man, you know, I just ate my own doo-doo. It's cool. I said what'd you say? He said I ate my own doo-doo. Okay, sorry, man, that's when I had to get out of there because that's, that's, that's, that's beyond, that's beyond crazy. I couldn't, I couldn't, couldn't do it. So I come back to the rehab center.
Speaker 1:I had two of them, two of them within a span of a month, month and a half. The first one, the first guy, I remember, he was just screaming. He was just screaming. I'm like what's going on here? When he first came out, I'm like welcome to my facility. I'm the chef here. I just want to know some of the things you like to eat up here. I just want to know some of the things you like to eat. So he's still screaming, ah. I like I'm trying to be patient, like, hey, you know, sir, I just need to know what you like to eat. He's just still screaming, ah, ah, and I give up. I left, I give up. I can't handle this guy right now because he's just screaming all all day. I ain't got time for that, I ain't doing that right. So I would come back.
Speaker 1:And now he's screaming. He has his whole hand, all the way up to the knuckles in his mouth. He's got like, just go ahead and do it real quick. That's how he's screaming, and he's screaming so loud you can hear it in the hallway. Now what is this problem? Like? This is sc. That's how he's screaming, and he's screaming so loud you can hear it in the hallway Ooh, ooh. Now what is this problem? Like? This is scaring. This is freaking me out. I'm not built for this. I'm here to cook food and be nice to people, but he's got this man screaming his lungs out, ooh, ooh. I'm like sir, what's your problem? So nobody answered. He didn't answer me. He was on autopilot, which means whatever special we had, that's what he's getting. He ain't communicating you getting the special. I'm not playing. I'm not done playing games with him, right?
Speaker 1:So eventually he would calm down. He would calm down a couple days and all that stuff Started eating some real food and then he started talking and stuff. So I'm like like sir, you can't you realize? You came in screaming. He said yeah, man, I was having issues. Okay, I said you having issues, why aren't you in the psych ward? Why are you here at a rehab facility? He said I don't know why I'm here, I'm just here. I said, okay, cool, well, I'm like you know, I'm like you know. Since I didn't get to talk to you before you know, I was like well, what do you like? What do you like? He said what do I like? I like my own doodoo baby. I said, and then I walked out.
Speaker 1:He is on autopilot for the rest of his time here. We ain't going in, we ain't going in this room. We deliver, we just dropping off at the nurse's station and then we heading out. We ain't playing Like, he's just playing with me. I think he was playing with me, to be honest with you. So that was one doodle man. The second doodle man, the second one he was oh my God, okay, so one. The second doodle man had his room on absolute blast.
Speaker 1:Now, normally with old folks, they like to keep their room hot. It's either they're extremely cold all the time and they like it hot. And this guy, he's a doodle man and he was thirsty all the time. So I need something to drink and like. So we would drop off trays.
Speaker 1:And when patients first come in, I try to be like the first person to drop off the tray to basically see how crazy they are, if they crazy or not. So I go in here and he's like, hey, I drop off his tray To basically see how crazy they are, if they crazy or not. So I go in here and he's like, hey, I drop off his tray. He's like hey, do you mind Getting me some water? I said, okay, fine, where's your cup? At? Okay.
Speaker 1:So he shows he's like my cup's. He points it has hair vaseline and some brown speckles. I don't know what those brown speckles are. I look at the cup. I'm like, okay. I'm looking at the couple, like, okay, this is uh. So okay, this is gonna be a rough one because I I'm I'm assuming like what's the brown speckles? What is the brown speckles? I don't know what the brown speckles are, but I I don't want to touch his cup. So I'm like, all right, I'll be right back.
Speaker 1:So I leave and I asked the nurses and the a's hey, what's going on with room 202? I don't remember the numbers, remember 202. He's getting get just hot in there and there's vaseline, some kind of stuff everywhere. I'm nervous. Why am I going in there? He said oh, he a doodoo man. I said he a doodoo man, he eats a doodoo too. He said yeah. So I'm assuming the brown speckles on the cup is doodoo. They said no, that's his skin. I said ooh, lord and Jesus, save us all. I said okay. So he said when you go in there, you better have gloves on, mask on everything on when you go in there, because I don't know what's going on. I said, man, thank you so much for telling me this information.
Speaker 1:So the next time I go in there at lunchtime and the thing about it was this guy he came off very intelligent, he seemed very smart. He's having a conversation. He's like oh, yeah, I would really like that. He's like yeah, uh, could you mind putting blueberries in my pancakes? I said I could do that, no problem, we're having a nice conversation, like back and forth. He didn't fill out his menus but like whatever, that was a problem with mostly everybody.
Speaker 1:So eventually he always asked for like can you refill my water? And then I would be gloved up all the way to my elbows Like I can't believe I'm about to touch this dude's cup, because that's supposed to be skin and hair and some kind of Vaseline, like what's going on here. So I would go get his water. I thought, drop off his tray. I go get the water, ice and everything, come back and then no, and behold, he didn't have blueberry pancakes on his mouth, he had the brown smith. The brown speckled the brown smiths on his face.
Speaker 1:I said man, sir, are you eating this thing? I'm like, sir, are you eating your own doodle? No, uh uh, this is brown. I got a package of brownies over there and I look over the brownies. He did have brownies. He legit had brownies over there. However, he was down to his last two and there was no way he could reach over there, grab the brownie, eat it and smear it all over his face. So I'm like okay, sir. So let it safe to say, I didn't deliver to his room much too often because, no doubt about it, he was eating his own doo-doo and that's the problem.
Speaker 1:That's the problem when men do come into a rehab facility. I know why we don't live as long as women, because 80% of the of the population of residents that came in were women. But us men, we over here eating our own boo boo and stuff. So that is the most disturbing thing I got. And when it comes to the rehab center, so uh, yeah, that's that's it. Comes to the rehab center, so yeah, that's it. That's the last time, hopefully, I talk about the rehab center. Got to get that out of my system because that stuff was nasty. Doodle man Say, I'm a doodle man baby. Oh shit, that's nasty. I'm your host. Michael Gillespie of the WDYM. Thank you guys for tuning in. I will see you guys later on. Peace out, girl Scout, boy Scout. Peace doodle man. Ha ha, ha ha.
