80. Surviving the Holidays: Realistic Self-Care Tips for Busy Moms

The holiday season is here, and while it’s magical, it can also be downright overwhelming—especially for moms. Between planning, shopping, and keeping the family traditions alive, it’s easy to forget about taking care of yourself. In this episode I'm talking all about realistic self-care for moms during the holidays. Spoiler alert: it’s not about perfection; it’s about finding little ways to recharge so you can actually enjoy the season.

I cover:

• Letting go of the “perfect holiday” myth and focusing on what truly matters.
• How to squeeze in micro-moments of self-care, even on your busiest days.
• Setting boundaries with a bow (and saying "no" without the guilt).
• Finding laughter in the inevitable holiday fails.
• Asking for help and embracing shortcuts to keep your sanity.

If you’ve been feeling like the holiday magic is turning into holiday madness, this episode is here to help you slow down, breathe, and remember that you deserve some holiday cheer, too.

🎁 What You’ll Learn:

• Simple, manageable self-care tips that fit into a busy mom’s life.
• How to prioritize the traditions and events that matter most.
• Practical scripts for setting boundaries with family, friends, and yourself.
• Why it’s okay (and necessary!) to ask for help and let go of “doing it all.”
• The power of laughter to turn holiday chaos into joyful memories.

📺 Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOpw5ui4uxJHx0tLFVtpnfSkpObfc4d-K

You can find Katie at:
website: burntpancakes.com
YouTube: @burnt.pancakes
Instagram: @burntpancakeswithkatie
Email: katie@burntpancakes.com

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Transcript

Burnt Pancakes Podcast: Self-Care for Moms During the Holidays

Intro (2 minutes)
“Hello and Welcome back to another episode of The Burnt Pancakes Podcast, where we take the chaos of motherhood and turn it into something relatable, laughable, and maybe even a little inspiring.

I am your host, Katie Fenske and I am here to remind moms that everyone burns their first pancake. 

So here we are, smack in the middle of the holiday season. If you’re anything like me, your to-do list is longer than your kids’ Christmas wish lists, and the idea of taking care of yourself feels as realistic as getting a silent night. But here’s the thing: we can’t pour from an empty cup—or, in our case, a coffee mug that's been reheated three times.

Today’s episode is all about realistic self-care during the holidays. The holidays can be stressful at times and I have learned over the years, in order to actually enjoy it, as a mom, I have to put myself on the plate too. If we are going to bring all the magic, we need to make sure we can actually function this month. 

So I hope this short episode gives you a little inspiration and permission take care of yourself for a quick second before you tackle everything on your holiday to do list. 

Part 1: Let Go of the "Perfect Holiday" Myth (3 minutes)

"First things first, let’s ditch the idea that everything needs to be perfect. Spoiler alert: perfection is impossible. It’s a marketing scheme that convinces us to buy matching pajamas and make handmade ornaments from scratch.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in this but sometimes we just need to step back and look at what this month is really all about. For me it’s: seeing joy, connecting with family and making memories through tradition. Your kids will not remember if the gingerbread house collapsed or if your Christmas lights are perfectly spaced out. Believe me, they only care about what that gingerbread house tastes like instead of how it looks. They’ll remember that you were there doing it with them. 

This year, I sat back while my boys put all the ornaments on our christmas tree. I didn’t worry that they are basically all at my 5 years olds height or that they weren’t evenly spaced. I actually enjoyed the fact that they were doing it themselves and honestly it’s a relief to not have toddlers anymore that will yank the ornaments off the tree. Remember those years when you had to put all the ornaments way up high so your toddler wouldn’t get them. Gosh, we even set up a giant baby gate so Ronin wouldn’t get at the tree. I think he was only 9 months then. Now the trick getting my kids to actually help take it all down after Christmas. That will be a different story a different story).

So we are dropping perfection this year. Let’s talk about what brings you joy this holiday. Is it baking cookies with your kids? Watching holiday movies in your PJs? Pick a few things that bring you joy and focus on those. The rest? Let it go. Trust me, nobody’s going to care if the wreath on your door doesn’t have a perfectly tied bow.”

This year I decided not to get the boys matching pajamas like I’ve done in the past. For one, I forgot to look months ago when they are actually all in stock and two, they are expensive. I just didn’t feel like spending money on it this year. 

I was feeling a little bad about this because I always get a picture of the boys in their matching pjs on Christmas but guess what? When I took out the christmas boxes, I found a few sets that I had saved from the past 3 years and last year’s pair fit all of my boys still. So now I can still get a picture and I didn’t have to stress myself out about ordering them.

Part 2: Micro Moments of Me-Time (5 minutes)

Self Care is such a buzz word right now but it really is important to maintaining our sanity. ”Self-care during the holidays doesn’t mean carving out an entire day for a spa trip—though that does sound absolutely fabulous! For most of us, it’s about finding small, manageable ways to recharge.

Here are some ideas that I have implemented:

1. Simple Morning Ritual: Even if it’s just a few minutes. Find some time in the morning to yourself. I purposely made sure my husband set the timer for our christmas tree lights so that when I get back from my morning workout, they would be on. I have a few minutes when I get home before the boys wake up to either sip on some coffee or read on the coach and there is something about the glow of the tree lights that just makes it extra special this time of year. My morning routine isn’t super complicated. After working out I just find a few minutes to myself to cozy up on the coach and enjoy some quiet before the day starts. 
2. Shopping Break: I Turn mundane tasks like grocery shopping into a mini-escape. I Listen to either a holiday playlist, or podcast while you shop. I can say first hand that now that my boys are in school, solo grocery shopping has become such a pleasant experience and adding a podcast to listen to when I shop has become a treat.
3. Evening Wind-Down: Once the kids are in bed, I try to treat myself. I love to light our candles on our fireplace and turn down the lights while we watch tv. Personally, I love wintery, forest scented candles in the evenings. Also, I generally don’t drink tea but in December, a good cinnamon or holiday tea in a christmas mug is an extra treat at night. 

These micro-moments might seem small, but they add up. They remind me that I matter, too in the midst of the busy holiday season."

Part 3: Boundaries with a Bow (4 minutes)

Next, let’s talk about setting boundaries. ”The holidays are full of extra obligations—school performances, family gatherings, secret Santa exchanges, December birthdays, holiday parties—but you don’t have to say yes to everything. OR if it makes you happy, do it all. You know what your breaking point is. Some of you might feel overwhelmed looking at the calendar while others find joy and excitement from seeing all those holiday events. 

If you are someone feeling overwhelmed follow the three yess rule.

• The Three-Yes Rule: Decide on three key events or traditions that are most meaningful to you and your family. Say yes to those. We have always gotten tickets to the christmas train at a local park to visit Santa. My whole family would go and then we’d have fancy dinner after. It was a tradition until last year when it got way harder to get tickets. Initially I felt really bad, especially for Maverick who is the youngest but the stress of having to get the tickets and pick a date that worked for everyone was too much. We ended up going to a mall the week before Thanksgiving. For those in Orange County we went to Fashion Island. Because we went so early, there was no line and the boys got to spend extra time with Santa. The pictures turned out super cute (and let’s face it, really the only thing I want is the picture). They have a Koi pond there that the boys were obsessed with and could have stayed all day trying to touch the fish. We then went to Barnes and Noble to get Hot Chocolate and add things to their Christmas list. It actually so such a lovely experience. So much so that this year when I mentioned visiting Santa the boys asked if they could go back to the place with the fish. So in the end, we actually started a new tradition, one that was much more doable and less stressful that getting those darn Santa train tickets. 
• Another example of the three yes rule came up about this weekend. Some friends are hosting a winter women’s circle and I really wanted to go. It just sounded like such a lovely way to celebrate the season with local mom friends and add in some self care. But this weekend is also super busy. It was Maverick’s birthday on Tuesday and we always do a family dinner with my mom, uncle and my sister. Well, trying to find a date in the middle of December is so hard. I really wanted to go to the circle but trying to squeeze his birthday in on another day was just too much. Saturday really was the best day to do it. So, I had to say no to the circle but in doing that, I actually felt relieved that Maverick would get his specially day. And I know they will have more in the future that I can attend when things are less busy.

• Protect Your Time: Block off time on your calendar for rest or family downtime. Treat it like any other important commitment.

Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re necessary. You deserve to enjoy the holidays, too.” I am actually unplugging from Christmas to New Years just to be with family. I won’t be doing any recordings and most likely won’t be on social media because giving myself a break will actually be a gift to myself and my family. 

Part 4: Laugh It Off (3 minutes)

"Let’s talk about holiday fails, because, honestly, they’re inevitable. The cookies will burn. The Christmas lights won’t work. Your toddler will scream during Santa photos, and it will be both horrifying and hilarious.

Here’s the thing: these 'fails' are often the moments we laugh about later. They become the stories we tell year after year. I can still remember the day we got home from our tree light ceremony in our town only to find out that our own Christmas tree had fallen over, spilling all the water and breaking a bunch of ornaments. Looking back now we can just laugh about it. 

Or last year we ordered our Christmas cards but didn’t realize until they arrived that we purchased ones that were huge. They were much larger than the usual 5x7. We were probably rushing to get them ordered that we just didn’t notice that we picked the wrong size. Well, the other day when I took all our past cards out to hang we just laughed and called it our Christmas poster. 

So, when things go sideways, take a breath and find the humor in it. Laughter is free therapy, and it’s one of the best ways to take care of yourself.

Part 5: Ask for Help (3 minutes)

“This next one is a hard one, but another way to survive the holidays is to ask for help. You don’t have to do it all alone. I know, asking for help can feel hard, but think of it as giving someone else the opportunity to contribute.

• Delegate Tasks: Let your partner take charge of some of the holiday shopping. Ask your kids to help with gift wrapping—even if it’s not perfect. Assign your in-laws to bring dessert for Christmas dinner. I’ve decided to never start the Elf of the Shelf, but I think what I am going to do once Ronin stops believing in Santa is put him in charge of that for the other boys. This might be a fun way for him to still be part of the magic. 
• Share the Load: Swap babysitting with a friend so you can each get some shopping done or wrapping without the kids home or just have an afternoon to yourself.
• Use Services: Don’t be afraid to use shortcuts like grocery delivery or pre-made meals. They’re not a failure—they’re a lifesaver.” We are actually a big fans of a company called Factor. This is not an ad. We actually just use it ourselves. My husband and I started getting these remade dinners last year during football season. They are delivered to your door once a week and are like healthier tv dinners. It just makes the evening so much easier knowing I just have to pull something together for the kids and Jake and I have our dinner covered. 

So in a nutshell, It’s ok to get help during the holiday. 

Outro (3 minutes)
“So hear me out, the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be magical. The greatest gift you can give your family is a happy, present version of yourself. So this season, take care of YOU.

Thank you so much for tuning in to The Burnt Pancakes Podcast. If this episode resonated with you, share it with another mom who could use some holiday cheer. And remember, the pancakes—and the holidays—don’t need to be perfect. They just need to be enjoyed.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, laugh at the little things, and remember that everyone burns their first pancake (or Christmas cookie) so just keep flipping!”