81. Beyond the Finish Line: Surrogacy, Family, and a Marathon with Alison Beder Solway

Alison Beder-Solway's journey to motherhood is nothing short of inspiring. After facing the heartbreak of infertility and the challenges of surrogacy, she transformed her experiences into the memoir "The Miles We Run," offering hope and encouragement to others on similar paths. Alison's story is not only about becoming a mother but also about discovering the resilience and strength she never knew she had. Her commitment to her dream of a large family, even when faced with life-threatening circumstances, is a powerful testament to the enduring spirit of hope and determination.

Alison's narrative takes on a new dimension when she decides to run a marathon at 50, drawing profound parallels between the discipline of marathon training and the emotional journey of surrogacy. Her marathon story is filled with the camaraderie of training alongside her siblings, and the mental toughness required to push through grueling race conditions. This shared experience with her family becomes a metaphor for the strength and adaptability needed in the face of life’s unpredictable challenges, emphasizing the triumph of the human spirit.

Reflecting on her transition to an empty nest, Alison provides heartfelt advice for mothers navigating this new phase of life. She emphasizes the importance of rediscovering personal passions and investing in oneself, encouraging others to embrace new beginnings with grace and introspection. Her insights offer a roadmap for mothers looking to redefine their identities and savor the next chapter of their lives. Join us for this compelling conversation that explores motherhood, endurance, and the transformative power of resilience.

(00:09) - Empty Nest Communication

(10:26) - Journey to Motherhood through Surragacy

(27:41) - Marathon Training and Mental Toughness

(31:34) - Journey of Writing and Marathon Running

(38:50) - Path to Parenthood and Perseverance

Connect with Alison Beder Solway
Get her book: The Miles We Run
Website - www.themileswerun.com
IG - @themileswerun

📺 Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOpw5ui4uxJHx0tLFVtpnfSkpObfc4d-K

You can find Katie at:
website: burntpancakes.com
YouTube: @burnt.pancakes
Instagram: @burntpancakeswithkatie
Email: katie@burntpancakes.com

🚽 Did you know Katie is also a Certified Potty Trainer? 🚽

☎️ Schedule a 1:1 chat today: Schedule Here
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Transcript

00:09 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Hello, hello, and welcome back to the burnt pancakes podcast, the podcast where I help moms laugh at their mistakes and find connection through our shared stories. I'm your host, katie Fenske, and I'm here to remind moms that everyone burns their first pancake. Today I have on a special guest on the podcast. I sat down and chatted with Alison Beder-Sulway. It was an amazing conversation. 

00:36
I got off just feeling so inspired by her story. So she recently debuted her memoir, the Miles we Run, and it chronicles her path to motherhood through surrogacy, a journey that tested every ounce of her resilience and patience. The book is an honest account of the emotional and physical challenges of infertility and surrogacy and how she found surprising parallels between this experience and her training for the New York City Marathon. All of these things. I just left feeling so inspired by her story. She's just so easy to chat with and I just loved her devotion to motherhood and the things she's overcome and the lessons she's learned from that. The things she's overcome and the lessons she's learned from that. So get ready for a wonderful momversation and make sure you check out the description below for a link to her book, the Miles we Run. Allison, welcome to the podcast. 

01:37 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Katie, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here. 

01:40 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, I'm excited to hear your story, so why don't you start us off? Introduce yourself to the viewers. Let us know how many kids you have, their ages, where you are Sure. 

01:50 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
So my name is Allison Beder-Solway and I have four children. My daughter, hannah, is 25. My son, eden, is 21. And I have twins Rowan he's 20 and Caleb is 20. 

02:06 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Oh my goodness, oh twins. Okay, I have a row men so very close to Rowan. Um, that gets mixed up all the time. A lot of times they call them that love the names. Um, thank you, oh gosh. So you're in like a new stage of motherhood, where there are they all out of the nest or any of them home still. 

02:26 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
They're all. One is done Essentially. My daughter, hannah, just completed her master's of science and marine biology, so she is pretty done. She's traveling, so she's not at home, but she's not done being at home. And then my three sons are all in university, so they're not at home, but she's not done being at home. And then my three sons are all in university, so they're not at home, but they're not done being at home. Yeah, yeah, it's a. It's a very unique stage. It's a hard stage. It's a hard stage. I've I loved having my kid. I love when my kids are home. Um, it's hard letting them go. 

03:04 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, and your, your baby's just left. 

03:08 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Not long ago Was that a big adjustment, going from like having someone home to like Huge especially because it was like three and four left and our house has always been like a hub of in and out and friends and you know friends that are like family and the kids. Having just it got very quiet very quickly. I feel very lucky that my husband and I are good friends and we have a strong foundation. 

03:41 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Wow, it's an adjustment. I know we're going to get to your book, but I want to ask you more about this. Do you have any tips for moms who are like about to, or going through this new phase? Cause I'm I'm already looking like my kids are still pretty young, but I'm looking at this thinking like this is going to be. This is going to be a, an, a, an adjustment, Like what were some things that helped you get through it. 

04:10 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
I think it's an adjustment because the reason for your existence almost for the past let's say 18 years is it pivots, it changes. So your kids still need you, but they need you in a different way. So I think it's very important to start to think about, you know, re, you know, not necessarily reinventing yourself, but recalibrating, reinvesting in yourself. So what are things that I like to do that maybe I haven't done, hobbies that I, you know, I've always thought I'd like to pick up, that I haven't had an opportunity to because I've been too busy carpooling and sports and dance and whatever that looks like for you. But reengage with yourself, get to you know, learn who you become. You know what you want to do. You know, is there a shift that you would like to make in your life? Are you happy? Are you content? You know, really, look in words. 

05:19
I think, and it's a big adjustment. It's a big adjustment especially, you know, as a very hands-on mom. I, you know my profession. I'm in the fitness industry. I really geared my hours around my family so I could be present. I had that opportunity to do so and I wanted to make sure I was home and present. Um, now, that doesn't work for everybody, which I totally understand. But so you know, when the kids left it, it was like it allowed me time that I hadn't had in the past to start to think about how I could fulfill some of the things that I maybe wasn't doing for myself because I was busy doing things for other people For all four of them, oh, and I really love that because it's instead of taking it could be a very sad stage like, oh, it's empty, they're gone, and instead of dwelling on that, you are now taking the initiative to now focus on you, which I'm in the, I'm giving everything to the kids right now which is also hard. 

06:33
It's, that's a hard stage too, it's. You know, you kind of lose yourself a little bit. 

06:37 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, so here you're, like finding yourself again. 

06:40 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Yeah, yeah, but I, I, I am going to say that I was very sad. Yeah, yeah, but I, I am gonna say that I was very sad. So there's a. It's not like I woke up with you know nothing to do on a daily basis, but, like I do, I, I cherish the moments that, like, my family is all together are they all gonna come home for Christmas or like the holiday? Yeah, Well my daughter no, but my sons yes. 

07:05
So, I'm excited to have everybody home, and then two of them are doing exchange overseas, so yes, so. 

07:15 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I'll have three. They are living their best lives, they absolutely are. Enjoy it, kids. Do it now, do it while you're traveling. Okay, you also mentioned earlier that you and your husband have a solid foundation, so I could see this something like right now we are my husband and I. It's like the kids, the kids like focus on the kids and get them to bed. How did you maintain that solid foundation during those busy years of raising the kids? 

07:43 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
I think carving out time for yourselves is really important. I think communication throughout our whole relationship. We've been together, we've been married for almost 29 years now Congratulations, thank you. But communication is key. So you know communication is key. So you know I I'm not one to let things fester and if there's something that you know we needed to discuss, we discuss it. Good, bad, you know all of it, um, but I think it's really important to like make sure that you listen, you communicate and you make the time to be together. That doesn't mean like every hour of every day, obviously, because you're so busy with your life and responsibilities, but making sure that you've carved out time for yourselves. 

08:36 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah. Cause like in your head one day the kids are going to be gone Right, and I still want you to be my best friend. I still want to know you when the kids are gone Right. Yeah and listen it's a. 

08:48 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
it's a. It's something that a lot of people struggle with. A lot of couples, you know, decide that they're not the same people they were when they got together. It's a time where sometimes couples decide that maybe they're better off not together. You know, it's it's just he and I at home right now, so we're together a lot and we both work from home. 

09:12 - Katie Fenske (Host)
So a lot together. 

09:14 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
There's a lot of together time, but it's important to really you know, love and respect, and first and foremost is be friends. 

09:23 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, yeah. So and like what we're starting to realize is like date night looks very different than it used to when we didn't have kids. I mean, the other night we we had a gift card to a restaurant that we had for months. And finally we're like, okay, we have a night we can go after dinner. We were like, uh, we've got time, so we should do our Christmas shopping. 

09:44
So we went to target and did Christmas shopping which is not what we used to do back in the past before kids, but it was really fun and and we got home and I was like man, it felt good to check that off my list and I had you there helping me. 

09:57 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
It was that's exactly it. But yeah, you got to do it together. So you know, as opposed to you like taking the cart and going down the aisle and like, oh you know, and getting, frustrated. 

10:12 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I'm doing this alone. It was a joint venture and that's really nice. It ended up being fun. We, we like smelled all the candles in the aisle Like I had to shop. So then I was like, hey, guess this scent was this. And I'm like we wouldn't have done that if it was just us sitting at home. Right, yeah, okay, let's get to your memoir. So you recently wrote the Miles we Run. Can you discuss what made you write it and kind of what it's about? 

10:34 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Absolutely so. The Miles we Run chronicles my journey to motherhood through surrogacy and it weaves the narrative of my training for the New York City Marathon, which I recognize two totally distinct paths. However, there are many shared qualities that I called upon during my training for the New York Marathon, that I learned and grew from during our surrogacy experience. So at first glance you would think how are those two similar at all? But they share very similar qualities in endurance, patience, discipline, hope, courage all the feels that I really learned and embraced through our surrogacy journey and applied to cross that finish line in New York. 

11:46
The memoir most importantly highlights this, like all of our inner strength, because we've all run marathons, maybe not in the literal sense, but we've all overcome hurdles in our lives. And the memoir really looks. Even though it's my narrative, it helps the reader reflect on the inner strength that they have through their own stories. So I'm, my hope is that and the feedback has been so unbelievable that you know, as you're reading the miles we run, you're actually focusing on the miles that the reader has run, based on how they've had a call upon the resilience that they have within themselves during the marathons that they've run themselves. Metaphorically. 

12:44 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, because motherhood is not a sprint. 

12:48 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
it certainly is not, yeah it certainly is not so it came from. I journaled our entire surrogacy experience. It was not a straight and narrow path. I initially started journaling thinking you know, I'll have a journal for our future child to read as a keepsake to know we love them prior to their conception. And one journal turned into two journals, turned into three journals and after Rowan and Caleb were born, I I knew I had a story. 

13:25
I just was in the throes of raising four small children and I closed those books and I put them away. And then, as my daughter was in university and the boys were starting to get in their later years of high school, I decided to revisit those journals. Okay, and then at the same time, I was also turning 50. So I was contemplating running a marathon. I wanted to do. I've been a runner forever, but I wanted to do something to challenge myself. So, as we were speaking earlier, this was for me, because training for a marathon requires a lot of discipline and a lot of time. So I felt that I was at a stage where I could start doing something that required a lot of time for myself, without taking away from how my kids needed me. And again, I wrote this book to inspire others that there is hope even on really hard paths. 

14:26 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I love that. Okay, I want to talk about two parts of the book. So your surrogacy journey and then just training for a marathon at 50. Wow. Okay, so your surrogacy journey. Tell us a little bit about that. What? What led you to surrogacy? 

14:42 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
So I had always dreamed of having a large family. My husband and I got pregnant very easily. I had a very challenging pregnancy. I almost lost my life at the beginning. This was with your daughter, this is with our daughter yes, and I write about this all in the book. And after her birth, about a month later, I was diagnosed with a genetic condition called hereditary hemorrhagic telangiectasia. It's a mouthful hht. What's gonna stay? Yes, it's a vascular condition, uh, but I was also told that I couldn't carry any more children because I would die. 

15:27 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Was this something that you just always had, or did the pregnancy bring it on? 

15:33 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Yes, so I've always had it, I it it genetically born with it. 

15:37 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Never knew I had it, but essentially my. 

15:41 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
You know, just for the sake of keeping it very simple, my heart pumps double the amount of blood that most normal, you know people my age would like. The flow is double the amount, say, of your, what your heart would pump when I became pregnant, as when women become pregnant the blood flow doubles, so mine quadrupled, oh my God. So I went into right, congestive heart failure, wow, and you know I didn't know this. Obviously I never would have attempted a pregnancy had I known this. In a way, hannah saved my life because she came when she needed to come, so I could, so my heart could stabilize, which it did, you know and I was double edged sword, blessed, and then, obviously, given life changing news. 

16:35
Right, devastating probably yeah devastating, absolutely, for someone that always thought you know the adage. You know we make a plan and God laughs. So you know I had a plan three children, similar to how I grew up. I have a very close relationship with my brother and sister and I wanted siblings for Hannah. So you know I go into this in the miles we run very, in a very elaborate way. But when I was told that I couldn't carry any more children, all I could focus on was how am I going to bring, how am I going to change this outcome, how am I going to have another child and it's hard to hear when it's like it's not my choice to not have more kids. 

17:18 - Katie Fenske (Host)
You know, it's not like I'm just choosing not to have more. It's like now you can't. 

17:22 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
And you're like right, it was taken from me and it's. It's interesting you mentioned that, katie, because you know, writing this book has been such a cathartic experience for me. I never looked back when I put those journals away. I never reflected on how we actually got to where we were. I just wanted to move forward with my family. I'd had enough heartache. We endured quite a road to get to Aiden, rowan and Caleb, and you know I it was. I never properly grieved not being able to have any more children and, exactly as you mentioned, it was taken from me. It wasn't my choice and that was a really hard thing to overcome. Yeah, so, especially when you're in, you know you're seeing your friends and your mom. You know the moms and your baby and me groups all starting to expect their second child and asking you when are you having another one? 

18:34 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Was it hard to go back and read those journals? 

18:36 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
So hard. 

18:38 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I can imagine like just bringing back all those feelings. 

18:42 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
I, I was, I, I. I get emotional because it's. It's almost like I was looking, reading this story, thinking whose life was this? Yeah, so it was very eyeopening. 

18:57 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah. 

18:57 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
And I very sorry no, I'm sorry, you go ahead, go. No, no, I don't want to be proud of myself because I just it was a hard road you know it was it was a hard. We worked with numerous surrogates in Canada and then, finally, we went into the U? S where we were successful, but it took us a long time to get there. 

19:22 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, okay, can you tell us a little bit about how that worked and like, when did you decide to go to surrogacy route? 

19:36 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
While I was sitting in that office when the doc my doctor, who is still my doctor today told me I couldn't have any more children, my mother, I remember years past, had told me a story of I don't know if you watch soap operas, but days of our lives. Yes, I remember my sick days, yep of our lives. Yes, I remember my sick days, yep. Okay, so Deidre Hall had her girls via surrogate. I believe she has twin girls and I believe she had them through a surrogate. And I'm sitting in that office thinking Deidre Hall did it. 

20:01
I'm going to figure out how to do this too, because 25 years ago surrogacy was shrouded in silence. There was hardly any resources in Canada, more in the US, but very hard to research and remember. The internet wasn't like it is now. So, yeah, it was a different. It was a whole different experience having to find the resources to start a journey like that, and we attempted with two carriers with a clinic here in Toronto, and then, after two years of no success, we decided to move into the US, where we worked with another couple carriers there, you know and I elaborate this in the book but one carrier, it turned out, wasn't honest with us and we had wasted almost a year, you know, working with her and you know, at the psych eval it came at, things came out that you know wouldn't wouldn't make her a right candidate to carry a child for another couple and um, and then we signed on with another surrogate in the States who was already caring for another couple, so she had already done this before. 

21:25
But unfortunately, during the delivery of that birth there were complications. She's fine, the babies were fine, but she couldn't carry another baby for at least a year. And then we found our carrier and uh, and then we had issues with our first pregnancy with her and it just, you know what could go wrong did go wrong, and then I wouldn't change a thing because I've been blessed with, you know, four beautiful children who, had I not gone through what I went through, I wouldn't be where I am now. 

22:08 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I've been hearing this lately because I've been like questioning am I on the right path? Am I doing the right thing, Should I? And they just say that what is going to happen? You can't even imagine how good it's going to be. So you're going through this path because you're getting to that one place and right. You know the heartbreak and that probably was all. Now you can look back and say it was meant to be, but in the moment, oh my gosh. 

22:28 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
In the moment you could not see that. 

22:30 - Katie Fenske (Host)
You and your husband stayed so strong together because you went through a lot together. 

22:35 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Yep, that's. I think that's part of it, kenny, my husband was essential for me. Like I was blessed to have my daughter, who was such a bomb daughter who was such a bomb. Like she was such a part of pure joy in my life, going through negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test. And remember, it's not my body. So not only am I going through IVF, but I have no control over what my gestational carrier is, you know, doing. I'm hoping that she's doing all the right things. I'm trusting that she's doing all the right things, but again, it's another piece of the puzzle that you have no control over. You know you have to trust the process. You have to learn to trust the process. You have to learn to let go of control. I'm a type A very hard. I could see that being to learn to let go of control. I'm a type a very hard I could see that being so hard? 

23:32 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, control. Yeah she local like. Were you able to physically see her? Was she like in another area where you could just like call on the phone? 

23:42 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
So are the surrogate that ended up carrying our kids. She was from Pennsylvania, so we spoke on the phone, you know there's that balance you know, it's a very interesting story, because it's not like you can just call them up every single hour of every single day. How are you feeling? Are you okay? Are you sitting down? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you hydrating? Everything that you want to make sure that they're doing? You have to trust that they're doing so. We spoke with her regularly. Remember there was no face time oh yeah her doctor's appointments. 

24:22 - Katie Fenske (Host)
You couldn't just like zoom no, oh no. 

24:25 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
So we, we traveled, traveled to many of the doctor appointments, the ultrasounds, um, for Rowan and Caleb's uh pregnancy. We had webcam so we could actually, you know, talk to her. 

24:39 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Was that a surprise or was it um a higher probability of having twins because of doing this? 

24:52 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
of having twins because of doing this there's always with IVF there's always an increased chance if you put in more than one embryo, that you will have twins. Rowan and Caleb were our third twin pregnancy. We lost our first working with a carrier in Toronto. We miscarried at nine weeks a twin pregnancy, and Aiden's pregnancy was also a twin pregnancy and we discovered at nine weeks that one of the fetuses had a terrible abnormality that, had the pregnancy continued, that fetus would have overtaken the entire pregnancy and both fetuses would have died. So we had to reduce the fetus with the abnormalities and that that was a huge thing and given the you know reproductive climate in the US right now, I don't know if that option would even be available to us. Yeah, it really raises a lot of questions right he wouldn't have been here. 

25:56 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I mean, this is talking about throwing everything at you right, it's everything. 

26:00 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
The miles we run is about a lot of miles. 

26:03 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I'm guessing your kids are perfect angels. They after everything that you went through before getting them. They are so easy to parent, right? No? 

26:14 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
not no, but I. But I will say this that my path to becoming a mother was different than a lot of paths for other mothers who don't necessarily have the complications that I did. That gave me a different insight into parenting, and I speak about this in the book. I don't take anything ever for granted and I could get emotional, as I am about this as well. 

26:49 - Katie Fenske (Host)
You do get emotional. I love it. 

26:51 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Yeah, yeah, because it wasn't easy having my family. So I could never take, even in those moments of like 3 am, colic or tantrums or you know, sibling um arguments. I could never take any of that for granted. So even though I'm living it and it's not fun to live through I came at it from a different perspective because it was so hard to get there in the first place. 

27:27 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Oh, and that is such a blessing that came from that A hundred percent, a hundred percent, yes Like what a beautiful perspective to have you know that, yeah, Okay, let's talk about running a marathon. That you said you had always been a runner, but a marathon is like that's a next level. So what made you decide to go for the full marathon and how was that? 

27:54 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Uh, an amazing experience. It was so effing hard. 

28:07 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I've only done a half and I remember we trained this is before kids we trained for months and months and you spent six hours on a Saturday doing your long run, whatever. Yeah, yeah, How'd you do? 

28:15 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
a full. Well, I really I'd always kind of wanted to run a marathon. You know I've done different triathlons, uh, in the past. So I you know I've run, I've run distance. But you're right, running a marathon, 26.2 miles, is a totally different experience. And, um, when I turned 50, I was like you know what I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna start training at 49. I'm gonna run at 50. And then COVID hit. So, I'm like I'm not running at 50. I'm gonna run at 51. 51. There we go. 

28:56 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Everything got put on hold won. 

29:04 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
There we go, everything got put on hold, that's right. So I had an extra year. So, um, and you know what it was, it was the training's grueling, like you, you get to the halfway and you're like, okay, I can do this. And then, after that 13 miles, it, it, it just gets harder and harder and harder. And it's preparation is so important, it's key, but nothing prepares you for race day, because you have no idea what the weather's going to be like, what, how your body's going to feel. Are you going to be on your period? You have, like you, you just you have no clue. And I didn't have my period that day, but it was November 6th, it was so humid in New York, oh, like record-breaking humidity so, and my start time wasn't until like a quarter to 11 or 11th and, like I, I'm running middle of the day so it was absolutely grueling but best feeling ever crossing that finish line. 

30:00 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Oh, I bet so proud of myself. Oh man, that's amazing. Did you have running partners. Did you have like a coach training you? 

30:12 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
So my brother, sister and I did the marathon together. 

30:17
Yeah, we run every Saturday morning together. And, uh, when I was 49, I, when I I decided to run the marathon, I called my brother and I'm like Adam, you're never going to believe this. I signed up for the New York city marathon. Um, and he's like I can't, I won't say it on, just cause he used different kind of language. And then he's like no way, so did I. I'm like you're kidding me. And then I called my sister and I'm like you're not going to believe this, telling her the story. And she's like well, if you two are doing it, I'm doing it. 

30:52
So the three of us we trained together and separate, and we all had different start times, we all had different experiences, but we all finished and yay, oh, that's. 

31:05 - Katie Fenske (Host)
it was a really special, special race on many levels oh my gosh, the mental toughness, I think, would probably be harder than the physical, almost a hundred percent and a marathon is a mental negotiation. 

31:18 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
It is a every mile is a mental negotiation. It is a every mile is a mental negotiation. That's exactly what it is it is, yes, you have to be physically trained to do it, but you have to be mentally prepared to push yourself to actually do it. 

31:34 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Wow, had you during your training, had you actually done a full marathon in training, or was that the first time you did the 26.2? 

31:42 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
It was the first time I did the 26.2. I think the most. The farthest I had run was 24 miles. 

31:48 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Okay. 

31:49 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
And I had done that once about two months prior, and then I started to taper off my runs. 

31:54 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, and that was hard. 

31:56 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
That was hard, but it also wasn't, you know, so humid, like I who would think they move the marathon. Actually, it used to be in October, november. They October the marathon. They moved it to November Because, yeah, the heat. 

32:13 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Of course, yeah, okay, have you done any since then? 

32:18 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
I've done half marathon. Okay, I will. I won't do another full marathon. It was too. It was really hard on my body. Um, I loved it. I've done it. I don't need to put myself through that again. Uh, yeah, I just um, also with my heart. 

32:37 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I, I, it's like why I was going to ask. When you mentioned your heart thing, my first thought was did your doctor say it's okay to run? 

32:45 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
So I yes, I, I'm very physically active. 

32:49
Uh fitness for me is like it's a part of my every day. Yes, it's like breathing for me, um, but I had to get my cardiologist, my respirologist, on board before I even considered running the marathon, and I've trained my body in a way that I keep my heart rate down when I run. It's taken me years to do so. You know, it's not about speed. I, you know, I'm happy with my times when I run, but it's not about speed for me. It's about consistency and just being able to get out there and to do it. 

33:26 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, and you're in a special club of people who have finished a marathon, that's yeah, I guess yeah, less than 1% of the population, I'm told. Wow, I mean I did a half, and that was in my twenties, and I looked back and I didn't do one since then. I was like I did it. 

33:43 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Well, maybe when you turn 50, you'll run a marathon, maybe add it to it. 

33:48 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Oh my gosh, so interesting. So what are some life lessons that you have learned from this whole journey, so from running? 

34:04 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
That's such a good question, katie. Uh, I think discipline and consistency pay off. I think that, especially in running, you have to be disciplined to do it and you have to be consistent with actually doing it as well. So I think the two work hand in hand. 

34:27
I think what I learned from surrogacy and running is to celebrate those small wins, so the progress. It's not about perfection, so I have hindsight now, but I can actually look at what I learned and how I learned during our surrogacy journey and how there were small victories throughout, and how I found the strength within those victories to move and overcome the so many obstacles that were in my path. I think we so we're such a society that focuses on big, major milestones that sometimes we lose the ability to look at how we got to that milestone and it's really that journey that takes us to the milestone that is worth acknowledging, not saying that the milestone isn't a big deal. Crossing the finish line was a big deal, but the journey was and the lessons were on the way towards that milestone, not the milestone itself. Yeah, yes. 

35:52 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Ted, all of that, yes, yes, yes. Oh, I'm feeling that. Okay, if we wanted to get your book and learn more about you, where can we find it? 

36:23 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Barnes and Noble Booktopia. It's available in ebook, kindle you know all those and it's going to be in bookstores. I don't know exactly when, but my publisher hasn't expressly told me when to expect it to be in bookstores, but I'm hoping that in the next few months it's in bookstores as well. 

36:46 - Katie Fenske (Host)
That's awesome. Okay, Just really quick. Are you did? You is your career in writing, or is this something you just like? Picked up writing? And now you said you have a publisher and you're I worked with an independent publisher. 

36:53 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
It's not traditional and it's not self. It's like a middle of the ground. Okay, it was a joint effort. Um, I've always loved to write. I've always loved to write. I really didn't think about writing a book until I finished those journals. 

37:12
I knew I had a story. I just had no idea how I was going to frame it, write it. At that time I wasn't thinking about it. So when I started as we discussed earlier rereading the journals, I was like okay, so I started researching. You know what I need to do? I started reading about memoir writing. I started researching different editors who I could potentially work with. I found an unbelievable editor who I was so felt so privileged to have had work with me on this project, and I loved it. It was literally one of the best experiences of my life. Writing this book. It just and the you know, hearing from readers is just something I cherish so much. It's been such an amazing, it's a truly amazing feeling to feel like somebody understands my story but looks at their own strength through my words and how it's resonated with the each reader differently, and so, um, yeah, I'm really proud of this book. 

38:29 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I really am from start to finish, from like. I have the idea and I'm going to start type in the first page to I'm holding the book in my hand. How long did that take? 

38:38 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Five years Wow. 

38:40 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, five years. I bet your kids are so proud of you. 

38:44 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Are they? 

38:45 - Katie Fenske (Host)
so proud. 

38:46 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Yeah, they were proud and they helped me edit too. They came up with great feedback, I have to say. You know you don't always see what you're missing until somebody points out that you didn't really elaborate here or you didn't consider this, and each one of them provided valuable input to the story. 

39:12
So, yeah, I'm really excited about it. I'm excited to see where you know I can go with this. I'm really excited about it. I'm excited to see where you know I can go with this and I and I just hope that it gives a community of people who are going or struggling through infertility or using surrogacy as their paths to parenthood, the hope that, you know, with a little bit of perseverance and a little bit of hope, you know it can happen. It just it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. 

39:45 - Katie Fenske (Host)
That's so beautiful. I love that. This is so inspiring, so thank you so much for coming on. I really appreciate hearing your story. 

39:54 - Alison Beder Solway (Guest)
Oh, thank you, Katie. Thank you so much for having me. 

39:58 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I hope this inspiring story made your day and you go out and run to Amazon or wherever you buy your books and get the Miles we Run. I'm including a link in the description below so that you know exactly how to find it, and I would love if anyone reads it. I'm going to read it, so if anyone does, I want you to connect with me and let me know your thoughts. This was just such a wonderful conversation and I so appreciate Allison sharing it with us. So I hope everyone is doing well this December, surviving the craziness that is the holidays, remembering to take care of yourself a little bit and to remember that everyone burns their first pancake, so just keep flipping.