84. A New Mom's Guide to Balancing Work and Family with Christi Gmyr

When I first returned to work after my maternity leave, I was caught in a whirlwind of emotions—exhaustion, anxiety, and guilt all mixed together. In this episode, I sit down with Christy Gamir, a licensed mental health counselor and coach for moms, who bravely shares her own journey of stepping into a management role while adjusting to life as a new mother. We unpack the societal and familial expectations that can weigh heavily on us, especially when we have to make tough decisions like utilizing daycare for the first time. Christy opens up about her struggle with the limited maternity leave policy and the balancing act between professional duties and those precious moments with her newborn.

We then shift gears and talk about the intricacies of breastfeeding while managing work commitments. Christy and I dive into the challenges of establishing sleep patterns and feeding routines that align with our work schedules. The pressure to breastfeed and the logistics of pumping at work can feel overwhelming, yet each mother's journey is unique. We share candid experiences about when supplementing with formula became a practical choice for us and how crucial workplace support is in navigating these early motherhood challenges.

Finally, we tackle the notorious "mom guilt" and the importance of setting boundaries. From turning off work email notifications to having open discussions with our partners, Christy and I explore strategies for maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Communication emerges as a key theme, not just in managing expectations at work but also in nurturing our relationships at home. Christy also offers valuable resources for career-driven moms, including her supportive Facebook group and website, where mothers can find a community that understands the dual demands of work and family life. Join us as we offer practical insights and support for mothers striving to thrive amidst these challenges.

Connect with Christi:
www.christigmyrcoaching.com
Facebook Group: Thrive As A Career-Driven Mom
IG: career_driven_moms

📺 Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOpw5ui4uxJHx0tLFVtpnfSkpObfc4d-K

You can find Katie at:
website: burntpancakes.com
YouTube: @burnt.pancakes
Instagram: @burntpancakeswithkatie
Email: katie@burntpancakes.com

🚽 Did you know Katie is also a Certified Potty Trainer? 🚽

☎️ Schedule a 1:1 chat today: Schedule Here
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Transcript

00:09 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Hello, hello and welcome back to the burnt pancakes podcast. I'm your host, Katie Fenske, and I am here to remind moms that everyone burns their first pancake and I'm telling you, you guys, my kids have been off for three weeks and things are burning around this house. They go back to school finally on Monday. So a few more days, but almost there. On today's podcast, I have on a very special mom, christy Gamir, and she is a licensed mental health counselor and coach for moms. She is coming on to talk about how we felt when we went back to work so, leaving maternity leave and going back to work and what the challenges and struggles that working moms face, how we can set boundaries, how we can handle mom guilt, our marriage, all things. So you're really going to enjoy this conversation. We get very honest about how things really felt, um, being working moms. So please enjoy this episode, this momversation with Christy Gamir. 

01:15 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Christy, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy to be here. 

01:20 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yes, I just love chatting with moms about mom life, so this is going to be so fun. Um, will you start off just by introducing yourself? Let us know where you're from, how many kids you have. 

01:30 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yeah, of course. So my name is Christy Gamir and I live in Syracuse, New York. I'm a mom of two kids. I have a little girl who is eight and a little boy who is four. So very, very fun ages. 

01:43 - Katie Fenske (Host)
This is such a fun age. I was just telling someone who has a nine month old baby. Um, she was like how old are your kids? I'm like they're 10. What are they? Seven and my youngest just turned five. I'm like this is such a fun age. Like I do kind of miss the baby age, but it's just fun. Like they're still young, they're still little, but they're so much easier than they were when they were a toddler. It is a really fun age. Okay, we are going to discuss a little bit about, like maternity leave, becoming a new mom, adjusting to working which, when you submitted to me your submission and you described what that was like for you, I was like, oh my God, like that's totally how I felt. So what line of work were you doing when you had your daughter, so your daughter's the oldest one what line of work were you doing? 

02:31 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
So I am a mental health therapist and I have been in the mental mental health field ever since I finished graduate school. At that time I was working at an agency. I had been working as a therapist, but then I was also working in some. I had been transitioning to some management positions, and so at that time I was actually in the middle of transitioning between two different management positions. Actually, when I was pregnant, my boss had offered me an opportunity to take on a director role, which started right after I came back from my maternity leave. So I was sort of in between those two things when all of that was happening. 

03:10 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Wow, okay. So what was that experience like when you had your first born maternity leave going back to work? How, how was that for you? It? 

03:18 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
was hard, harder than I expected. So just to sort of mention, you know, before I went back to work, when I was pregnant, I, if I'm being totally honest, there was a time when I was not totally excited about going back to work. You know my family there are a lot of stay at home moms, people who didn't have kids yet were planning on being stay at home moms, and at the time I thought that's what I wanted for myself. Deep down I knew that that really wasn't going to be what was best for me and I also wasn't going to be very realistic because of financially and things like that. So I was already struggling emotionally with that, you know, knowing that I was the first person in my family to use daycare to go back to work, and so that was already really hard. Then, on top of that, you know I maternity leave is not great in this country. You know I had 12 weeks of FMLA. I wanted to use it all for the time with the baby but unfortunately my doctor had pulled me out a few weeks early and so by the time I had to go back. You know I didn't get that full 12 weeks and I just not did not feel ready. I tried reaching out to my employer. I talked to human resources to try to extend that time. Maybe that was a misguided idea. I thought that maybe if I just didn't get paid or didn't have my health insurance, I thought maybe it would work out in some way and was essentially just told it wasn't an option. So I was feeling frustrated with that. 

04:48
And then there were just so many things that I wasn't prepared for. You know, things that nobody tells you about, nobody talks to you about. You know, I was for starters completely unfamiliar with the sleep habits of newborns. I knew that they didn't sleep like that's what everybody tells you, but I didn't know what that really looked like. And so I would have days when I would, you know, drop my daughter off maybe seven o'clock in the morning at daycare. I wouldn't get home till five or six o'clock at night, and then she was going to bed between six and six 30. And so, besides getting up at night, I just I had almost no time with her, so I was feeling guilty about that. She was getting sick all the time, so I was feeling guilty about leaving work. It was just there was a lot that was happening then. 

05:31 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yes, oh, my gosh. So much of that. Okay, I do want to go back to how you said you how you felt about being a stay-at-home mom, not going back. It just didn't feel right for you. I kind of had the opposite feeling. But I love that you brought up both perspectives. So for me, I really wanted to be that stay at home mom but I had to go back to work. It was like not an option and it was really again, it was really hard to send my kids to daycare and at least I had some family that helped and then I used daycare. But for me it was that internal, like I was just angry that I had to go back, like I want to stay home with my baby, like it's not easy being home by any means but leaving him, like I just got mad about it. So the point that I didn't even start looking for childcare during my maternity leave until two weeks before I had to go back. 

06:24
I was in such denial that, like I have to do that, I have to leave him and go back to working. So it's interesting, like I do think moms are like some have, like really want to work, like that's where they find their purpose and like need to be away. Some people just want to be stay at home moms, and it's hard either way, you know, and then that decision is so hard. 

06:49 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Well, and just to be just to clarify, there was a time when I didn't want to go back to work. I also experienced a lot of that anger and frustration around that. I think what I mean is, though, that deep down one. I knew that financially it just wasn't an option. You know, I knew that even if I tried to get my husband on board with that, deep down I knew that for our family I needed to be working. But the other thing is is I know myself and I know that I get restless if I'm just like home all day, and so I was telling myself that I wanted to be a stay at home mom, but deep down I knew that that probably really wasn't for me. You know, I was just sort of getting myself to that mentally and honestly. Now it ended up working out great, because going back to work for me and for our family daycare, all of that ended up being some of the best decisions we could have made. 

07:40 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, and also how you talked about the newborn sleep I don't think anyone talks about not only like not knowing newborn sleep, but what that does to you as a mom, as a human being. That's not getting enough sleep. That was probably one of the hardest parts about going back to work for me is just physically exhausted and having to keep pushing through and keep pushing through and just being like I just need a break but you just can't catch up. 

08:08 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Well, and on top of that, my kids were terrible sleepers. My my youngest still is, you know. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was maybe 15 months old. My youngest didn't sleep through the night until he was two. 

08:19 - Katie Fenske (Host)
It was awful, yeah, and I don't know if you felt this way, but I used to have to get up. Um, I would love to leave for work about six, 15. So I would have to wake up my son, you know five, 45 to breastfeed him and then get them ready and get the car packed and get everything up. And I remember feeling like did I make him a bad sleeper because I'm interrupting, like when he'd normally wake up? Like my one friend was like oh yeah, my kids sleep till seven. I don't know if that's the case, that I messed him up, but that's that was the thing going through my head. Like if I didn't have to leave for work so early, he could sleep till his normal wake up time. Now I'm creating this early bird. 

09:01 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
And I'm really. All kids are so different. I mean my, my four-year-old still doesn't sleep till seven. He's awake on weekends and by like six o'clock even. 

09:09 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yep, my worst sleeper is now my best sleeper, Like my middle, was such he would take 20 minute naps and like, oh my God, he was such a bad sleeper, Wake up every hour and now he's the hit. The pillow falls asleep and you know, I can barely get him up in the morning, so I'm like it wasn't me going to work, but that's. Those are the thoughts that go through your head when you're this like brand new mom trying to navigate. And then did you also have to? Did you pump? Did you use formula? Would you? 

09:37 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yeah, so that was another thing. You know, I had always planned on breastfeeding, but this was another thing that nobody talked to me about. I I wasn't able. I wasn't able to breastfeed with my daughter. It was just so hard, you know, she wouldn't latch. And so I ended up. 

09:52
You know, after dealing with those emotional challenges around that, I decided to switch up my plans and I wanted to pump exclusively for a year. So that was my goal. So, and I did it. I did it for a year, but it was not easy. I had to pump in the middle of the day, you know, three times a day. I was carving out that time and I felt very fortunate that I did have an office where I could close my door and my employers didn't give me a hard time about it. They were supportive about that. But I also know a lot of moms don't have that. I hear so many stories from moms who are pumping in a closet or, you know, are not able to, aren't given that time at all, you know. So, even with the challenges that I had, I still recognize that I was fortunate in that way. But when I say that, I was like that's not okay. Those are the things I have to feel fortunate about Everyone should have that option. 

10:47 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, I remember pumping while I was driving because my my option was cause I lived like 45 minutes from work, so it was a bit of a commute, and like the minute I could leave work I was a teacher at the time the minute I could leave I wanted to go pick up my son. I was like I have been away from him all day. So then we get in the car and I'm like I could either stay at work for another 20, 30 minutes and pump or I could go pick him up and pump while I'm driving. Probably not safe. It was hands-free, though I was like I can't believe I did that, but it was like survival mode, you know. But I do feel like going back to work um greatly affected my supply. Pumping was not. It did not help me with breastfeeding, and had I switched to formula sooner, I probably would have taken a lot of stress off myself, but I was so like I'm going to do it till he's one and and I almost killed myself trying to breastfeed it's hard. 

11:42 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
It's hard and if I'm being completely honest, I mean part of it is. You know that those are sort of the expectations, right? These are the things that we're being told, but also a big part of it was financial. I didn't want to pay for formula. 

11:58 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I actually made my husband cause my son finally got to like a weight limit that the doctor's like he's not sleeping through the night Cause he's hungry, he's losing a lot of weight, and I finally was just like, okay, I'm so exhausted, like I will try this. I made my husband go to the store and buy the formula for the first time, cause I'm like I can't bring myself to do it. But once we switched and like everything was fine and he started gaining weight, I'm like it was like such a relief. 

12:24
I just felt relieved, like it's okay, he's fine and I can like I can not get up at 11 o'clock at night to pump so that there's enough for tomorrow yeah. 

12:35 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Well, and we did use formula too, not as part of our long-term plan, but at the beginning. My kids are both they very even. Now they're both just very small children, very low percentile, and so we also had to supplement the formula just to get their weight up. And unfortunately, once they got to that healthy weight, then we were able to transition over to just pumping, and well God applause to you, because that is probably the hardest thing is to pump exclusively. 

13:05 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Oh gosh, I don't know how you did it. 

13:07 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
You know, I I hear people say that. You know, I know other people who said, oh, pumping is so much harder than breastfeeding. But when I had my second child, he, he was better at breastfeeding than my daughter. But then I, honestly, I just opted to switch to pumping because I personally found pumping to be easier, because one of the my early experiences with him was thinking like, oh, I have to go to the store, but I have to bring him with me because he has to feed soon. You know, at least with pumping it's like you, you're on your schedule, you do it, and then it's just there and it's ready. And so I'm sure there are pros and cons to both. Overall I felt like pumping worked better for me. But what? 

13:43 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I love about that is you looked at your own personal like needs. What do I need? You know, like do I need that connection? Do I need the freedom, the freedom you get from not having to have a baby attached to you? So I love that because a lot of people don't talk a lot about um, how you can be involved in that decision-making. 

14:05 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yeah, absolutely yeah. 

14:08 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Um, okay, so let's talk about when your son was born. Did you have a different experience? Did it feel a little bit easier? How was it? 

14:18 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
So when my son was born, it was very difficult, but for entirely different reasons. Oh, cause he's four, I'm guessing he was born March 16th 2020. 

14:29 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Oh my God, the world was shutting down. That was literally the day my son did not go back to school. 

14:35 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yes, Same with my daughter. The day the world was shutting down, I was at least a baby. 

14:41 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Okay, let me think about it. When you had him, it was not mass yet. When you were at the hospital, were you okay Having both of you there? 

14:49 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
there were no tests yet, so we were both able to be there. Although it was still very early, they were still hospitals were new policies. 

14:57
At one time my husband had to leave the hospital, I don't remember why, if it was to get food or the car. He went to left to do something and they almost didn't let him back, in which we were not expecting that he was able to. He was able to get back in, but, yeah, I remember being at the hospital and hearing the nurse. Everything was shutting down. You know, all the schools were getting ready to do this and the nurses were standing in the room talking about how, oh my gosh, I heard, this thing might last for six whole weeks and I was thinking six weeks, how am I going to have to have my daughter over. 

15:30 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I was so naive I thought like, oh, I will go back after spring break, cause I think our spring break was somewhere in there, and my husband's like. I don't think so. I'm like we'll go back before the end of the school year. Little did I know. 

15:43 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
So that was challenging again, just for all of the reasons related to COVID. So, for starters, my hospital stay, you know, with a C-section I was able to stay for three days and with my daughter I took advantage of the full three days to have the support from the nurses. 

15:57
But with my son, you know, COVID was still so new, Nobody really knew what it was and we were kind of afraid to be at the hospital, yeah, so we just wanted to get out of there and get home as quickly as we could, and then, once we were home, we wanted to keep everybody away, so we had no family or friends coming over, which is very different. My daughter, who I was expecting to be at daycare, was suddenly home with me for 10 weeks, and so I didn't get that time with just him like I had expected to she had. You know, my husband was at work. He was um an essential employee, so he was going to work every day, and so it was just me and the two kids, when I wasn't expecting her to be there and she had nobody to play with. She was four at the time. 

16:38 - Katie Fenske (Host)
So that's hard. No, it's like oh, that's challenging. When you did go back to work. Were you in person or were you virtual? 

16:50 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
So I was virtual. I ended up working virtual for three years. I actually just went back to an office about a year ago. But that was tricky in itself because, you know, as a therapist I schedule appointments and I don't want to cancel sessions. It's not fair to the clients, you know. It's not good financially for our family, because if I'm not working I'm not making any money. And so the problem with daycare both of my kids did end up going back to daycare during that time, but if you had even one kid in the classroom who was sick, they were shutting down entire rooms for, you know, two weeks. And so what I ended up doing was being self-employed. I had this flexibility that I was very grateful for, but I ended up switching my schedule around so that when they were at daycare, I was home doing my administrative work, and then what I would do is I scheduled all my sessions at night for after my husband got home, so he would come home, and then I would lock myself in a bedroom and go do my sessions. 

17:48
Come home, and then I would lock myself in a bedroom and go do my sessions. So I was essentially, you know, using daycare time to do the things that could be easily put on hold if suddenly their classroom shut down and then again I wasn't around for them because I was upstairs working. 

18:00 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yes, oh, my God, yeah, so very different situation. 

18:04 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yeah, but eventually, you know, things with COVID kind of started to get a little bit easier. Things kind of went back to normal, and then I just had all the just regular challenges of being a parent, of being a working parent. Yeah. 

18:17 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Okay, so is your youngest now. So my youngest just turned five. We did like right before COVID he came in, so he had a couple of couple months of normal before it all shut down. Is he going to be starting kindergarten next year? 

18:30 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yep, he is in pre-K this year. So, he just went to elementary school a few months ago. How is that with? 

18:36 - Katie Fenske (Host)
both of them in school now. 

18:39 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Good, it's nice having them both on the same schedule. 

18:42 - Katie Fenske (Host)
I was thinking the same thing. I was just telling someone that I have all three of my boys same school, same time. I pick up and drop off and it's. It's been very nice. 

18:52 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yeah, very nice, extra 45 minutes every morning oh my gosh, it's great evening. So yeah, that's, that's been great. 

18:59 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah, okay, let's talk a little bit about setting boundaries at work and home, cause I know you work with moms about doing this. How do we do it? It's so hard to step boundaries how at work and home. How do you cause? Sometimes we feel like if I'm giving it my all at work, I'm failing at home, and when I'm like doing my best at home, my work I'm slacking. How do we do both? 

19:25 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yeah Well, and it's hard, I mean, for starters, to address that point. I do think that it's we do. We get those messages from everywhere, and you know that we have to be everything to everybody all the time and that if we, you know, are not doing everything perfectly, then maybe we're failing in some way, which is not true, but that's, that's what we're being told and we have all ourselves that too. 

19:49 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yeah. 

19:50 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yeah, and then when we don't have time, you know, when we're putting all this pressure on ourselves, a lot of times the very first thing to go is taking care of ourselves. You know we tend to put that last. And so boundaries, boundaries are really challenging, obviously, you know, for a lot of reasons. You know some people think that they're being selfish, they don't think it's okay to set boundaries. Sometimes people are concerned about the response and the reaction of the other people, whether there's going to be a conflict or whether they're letting them down, and they're letting those people down in some ways. 

20:22
But I think one of the things that's really important to know is that boundaries, for starters, are not selfish. They are necessary. You know it is okay to set boundaries. We're not being rude. You know we can. It's important for us to be mindful of our delivery, but it but it really is okay and that is how we take care of ourselves and that's actually a way to take care of our relationships with other people too. And so when we're setting boundaries I mean there are a lot of ways to do this, but I think, for starters, it really comes down to communication and just unapologetically knowing it's okay to say no to things you know so at work. And granted, I recognize everybody's jobs and situations are very different, so this is just say no to your boss anytime you want. 

21:11
Yeah, well, and some people maybe that's easier, and other people it's a lot you know. So each of these things is obviously going to be specific to the individual. But you know, I think that if you do have a relationship with your boss where you're able to talk about those things, it can be really helpful to sort of let them know what your needs are. You know what you're able to do managing expectations, maybe try not answering emails. You know on weekends times that you're supposed to be off the clock. You know things like that. 

21:41 - Katie Fenske (Host)
That's something I learned, like I told myself I think it was when my son was born, I'm not. I literally took at the time phones were a little bit older I took my work email off my phone so that I would not answer emails when I was at home, and that made a world of difference, cause I used to check my email first thing in the morning when I wake up and I get a parent email and the whole drive there. I'd be like stressed and stewing over it and I had to say I will answer it at work, I'll answer it while I'm there and that's it. 

22:09 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
That's really hard for a lot of people. I give you a lot of credit for that. And if and for people who don't feel like they can actually take it off their phones, you know, I encourage them to take the notifications down so that they're not at least seeing when those emails and text messages are coming in, you know. So those kinds of things At home, similar idea where we just have to know that it's okay to say no. You know, manage those expectations, communicate those things to people. If you know, if you have some people who are maybe coming over to spend some time with you, you know it's okay to let them know what time you are available until, so that they're not accidentally overstaying their welcome. You know when you want to be, so that they're not accidentally overstaying their welcome. You know when you want to be going to bed. You know those kinds of things and, again, just knowing that that it really is okay and setting boundaries is not selfish. 

22:59 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Yes, for sure, going kind of along with that mom guilt, like we all feel it and I don't know. Like I asked my mom all the time, I'm like, was motherhood hard, did you feel this way? And I'm sure it was, but it's been so long since she's had little kids so maybe, you know, it fades a little bit. But I'm like I feel like in today's society the mom guilt is like through the roof. Well, yes, why do you think it is? And how do we deal with that constant pressure? 

23:32 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Well, you know, back to what we were talking about before, I think a big part of the reason is because of the expectations that we get. I think that as moms, we have been conditioned in some ways to believe that this is what we have to do, this is what we're supposed to do, and if we don't do it, then maybe we're a bad mom or a bad employee or whatever it might be. So those expectations, Now one of the things that I talk to people, my clients, about a lot is this idea that our feelings are not a direct result of other people or situations or events, but it's our interpretation of those events. So it's the way that we are thinking about it. Interpretation of those events, so it's the way that we are thinking about it. That internal dialogue. So when we're feeling guilty, a lot of times it's because we believe that we either have done something wrong or we believe that we have. We're not meeting somebody's expectations, we're letting them down in some way. And then the other part of that too is, I think a lot of times people confuse feelings of guilt with other feelings. So if we have to miss out on a child's activity, for example, or event, you know one of the things, and we're feeling guilty about that One of the things that I encourage moms to do is to first sort of reflect on, you know, do you feel like you were doing something wrong by doing this? 

24:45
Sometimes they say yes, A lot of times they say no. You feel like you were doing something wrong by doing this. Sometimes they say yes, a lot of times they say no, and then so the next question you know for them to reflect on is okay, so do you feel like you're letting down your child in some way? You know, and a lot of times that's that's what it's about. If, if the answer to that is no, then sometimes I question well, is it actually guilt that you're experiencing, or is it maybe more disappointment or sadness because you would like to be doing these things? You know you're not doing anything wrong, but you just really want to be part of that, you want to be doing those things. So really just sort of like paying attention to and becoming more aware of, like, what those thoughts are, and then and then trying to challenge those thoughts and replace them with, you know, reframe them, or replace them with um, with, with thoughts based on the factual information that we have available to us. 

25:35 - Katie Fenske (Host)
That's a good one, cause when I was working full-time and I would have to miss, like the Christmas party at school that's exactly how I felt and it it was a lot of like I want to be there, like I want to enjoy that with my son. Not necessarily they're going to be like mom, you weren't there, but it was like I felt like I was missing out on some of the things that moms do that I couldn't do because I was working. Wow, that's a really good point. Okay, let's talk marriage a little bit. For me, going back to work was very emotional. Not only was I physically tired, but I was just emotionally exhausted and I could tell like my husband and I were navigating that together. It was the first time that it wasn't just the two of us. How do, how do you help moms with marriage, with little kids and dealing with all the things that go into that? 

26:27 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
This is tricky and I and I think part of the thing that makes it so tricky is that every marriage is different. Every relationship is different. You know, some, some people really find themselves in situations where they don't feel like they have the support of their partner, whereas other people feel like they do have the support of their partner, but maybe they're not getting the kind of support that they really want or need for a number of reasons. So those are two different kinds of problems, but they're both significant, you know. So, in terms of the moms who maybe feel like they don't have support, you know, one of the things I talk to them about a lot is sort of this idea of recognizing the things that we have control over, what we don't have control over. You know, and a lot of times, you know, we don't have control over our spouses. You know, we can talk to them, we can try to get them to see things from our perspective, but it doesn't always work. And so, really, sort of working on the mindset piece around that, you know, thinking about our why, like the reasons that we make, the choices that we do, what do we have control over? Things like that? Now, in terms of the moms who feel like they really do have a lot of support from their partners. It can be about two things. So one, it's about having that communication, you know, making sure that you are talking to them about what you need, so that they are that they know they're not mind readers. We have to let them know, you know. But then the other part of it is again this mindset piece. You know, one of the things that I always come back to, this example because I feel like it just really stood out to me. 

28:01
But you know, our lives are set up. My husband and mine are set up so that, you know, I get done with work a little bit earlier. I get my kids off the bus and then, after they go to bed, maybe I go and do some more work. So I get home before him every day. And so when he comes home, we are already there and I'm already in the middle of, you know, getting them a snack, getting them ready for their activities, getting them dinner, getting them baths, whatever it is that they need. And so a lot of times he, one of the first things that he will do is sit down on the couch and look at his phone, or he will go upstairs to change and not come back down for a little bit, and that used to make me so mad and we used to, you know, have all these arguments about it. 

28:45
And then one day it sort of clicked where I realized he wasn't actually doing anything wrong. It wasn't that he wasn't coming back and leaving me to do everything. He wasn't actually doing anything wrong. It wasn't that he wasn't coming back and leaving me to do everything. It was that he needed, he you know, a few minutes to himself to sort of recharge, regroup after his workday 510, maybe 15 minutes, and then he's ready to come help and so and that's actually a good thing, that's him taking care of himself. And he would support me if, if I was trying to do those same things. And so for me it was about shifting that mindset around, my expectations and what is okay and what's not okay. So that's obviously just one example, but but that's the other part of it, right? Or is having the conversation but also taking a look at what our expectations are and doing that mindset work? 

29:39 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Right, and I love that you're taking into account his needs Cause so many times we're probably thinking I need help. How does he not see that I need help? But he just came home to like commotion and you're right, he has some needs too. 

29:47
I that that's a great thing to think about. Cause now I'll use that example. Cause, like noticed my husband, when he gets up in the morning, it's usually when the kids are getting up and we have to get them ready for school and he'll go out and do his workout. And for a while I was like, well, hello, aren't you going to help me get the kids ready? But he's the type of person he needs his morning workout. 

30:07
And like I, started realizing like he needs that time to be able to function the rest of the day. And I can easily not easily get the kids ready for school they're crazy, but I can handle that, you know. So, like that's his time, and instead of just sitting there and stewing, be like he's getting his workout, it's like, no, he's getting himself ready so that he can function the rest of the day. 

30:27 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Well, and then the other part that I would sort of wonder about too is, you know, when we are feeling angry or resentful, that our partners are taking time to do those things is part of that resentment, because we want to be having that time too, and if we are not, you know getting our own workout in doing the things that we feel like we need to do then I think it's important to reflect on the reasons why that's not happening. Is that because they're not supporting us and we really can't find that time? Or is that maybe coming from us, because they would support us but we're not making it a priority, we're not communicating it or making it happen? 

31:02 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Right, and that's where talking is important, which, like it's still like we've been married almost let's say it'll be 15 years I'm trying to remember but it's like we're still working on communication, like you still have to practice that all the time, especially when you have kids and you're distracted by all of that that's going on. 

31:22 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yeah, absolutely so. It's hard. I mean, marriage relationships are tricky. They're tricky even without kids. And then you throw those kids in, oh my gosh. 

31:37 - Katie Fenske (Host)
And then you throw those kids in oh my gosh. Okay, I would love to hear how your experience being a mom has led you to become a coach for moms, like how did that, that come about? 

31:44 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yeah, so, as I had mentioned, you know, I've been working as a therapist for a number of years at this point and I, a lot of times, you know, as part of our part of being therapists, we're constantly doing a lot of our own work and our own self-reflection and things like that. And I just, you know, I realized that these moms, I, just I have such a passion for helping them because you know, I'm one of them. You know I can relate to it, I understand it, I get it. I know that a lot of times they really don't have the support. 

32:18
You know, being a working mom can feel so isolating A lot of times we feel like we're the only ones having these struggles, and so it just I, I, I know the experiences that I went through and I feel like I've learned a lot of ways to manage that through my experiences and also through my therapy work. You know, and I just like I've learned a lot of ways to manage that through my experiences and also through my therapy work. You know, and I just I just really want to help the. I just really want to use that because you know, being a mom is such an important thing it really is and you know, we shouldn't have to give up our careers, we shouldn't have to pick, you know, especially if we don't want to, and so, um, it's just something that feels really important to me if we don't, want to, and so it's just something that feels really important to me. 

32:57 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Nice, what exactly does like a mom coach look like? Is it a virtual meeting? Is it like a group? 

33:07 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
What do you? What do you offer? Yeah, so well, I have a few things. So, for starters, I do have a free Facebook group which is just for anybody those are not necessarily my coaching clients, but I put a lot of resources out there. I do these weekly live trainings to kind of talk about, you know, some of these different topics, things like that, and then, and then I have a group, a group coaching program, which is you know, that's, that's what I do with my clients, so they I have an online course where I kind of talk about all these things, but in much more depth and detail, and then I do the weekly coaching calls, you know, with those, with those ladies, and offer them the support that way as they are trying to navigate these things. 

33:44 - Katie Fenske (Host)
That's awesome. Where can we find you if we were looking for? 

33:47 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
information. So my Facebook group, which I invite you know any any of these ladies who are interested to join, is called thrive as a career driven mom. Um, and then I have a website, it's christygamircoachingcom, and so Gamir is G M Y R. A lot of times, people put it in the description. We'll make sure I think, a lot of times people invert those two letters. But um, yeah, so they can find me at my website there. Um, so those would be the best places to look. 

34:16 - Katie Fenske (Host)
Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming in and sharing your personal story and all of your advice with us. 

34:22 - Christi Gmyr (Guest)
Yeah, thank you so much for having me. It was great being here. 

34:26 - Katie Fenske (Host)
For all you working moms. I hope you take a minute to yourself to really appreciate how much you are doing and that you're amazing. If you are a stay at home mom, you are also working extremely hard. There is no easy job as a mom, but we can all support each other and cheer each other on. So special thanks to Christy for bringing up this topic today, and I look forward to sharing another momversation with you next Friday. So please make sure to subscribe. Um, leave me a comment, leave me a five-star review, and remember that everyone burns their first pancake, so just keep flipping.