157. Talking About Puberty Doesn't Have to Be Awkward

Many parents dread "the talk," but what if we've been thinking about it all wrong?

In this episode, I sit down with Amy Streavel and Faviola Mercado from Planned Parenthood of Orange and San Bernardino Counties to discuss how parents can confidently navigate conversations about puberty, body changes, relationships, and sexual health with their children.

Together they share why these conversations should start earlier than most parents think, how to create an open and judgment-free environment, and how to help kids separate facts from the misinformation they encounter online.

Whether you're raising young children, tweens, or teens, this episode offers practical tips to help build trust and keep communication open throughout every stage of development.

In this episode, we discuss:

•  Why "the talk" should be an ongoing conversation instead of one big discussion 
•  When parents should begin talking about puberty 
•  Five important puberty topics every child should understand 
•  How to reduce awkwardness and answer difficult questions 
•  Helping teens build confidence and healthy communication skills 
•  Navigating misinformation on social media 
•  How to become your child's trusted source for accurate information 
•  Tips for parents who don't feel prepared for these conversations 

Connect with Amy and Faviola

• Substack: @pposbc
• Twitter/X: @PPOSBC 
• Instagram: @plannedparenthoodosbc 
• Facebook: @plannedparenthoodosbc
• TikTok: @pposbc_

📺 Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOpw5ui4uxJHx0tLFVtpnfSkpObfc4d-K

You can find Katie at:
website: burntpancakes.com
YouTube: @burnt.pancakes
Instagram: @burntpancakeswithkatie
Email: katie@burntpancakes.com

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Transcript

Well, hello, ladies. Welcome to the podcast.

Amy Streavel

10:00:11

Thank you for having us.

Faviola Mercado

10:00:14

Yep.

Katie Fenske

10:00:15

Let's start just really quick. If you want to just introduce yourself, let us know where you're from, if you have any kids, how many kids you have, and a little bit about what you do.

Amy Streavel

10:00:22

Okay, I'll start. My name is Amy Striebel. I use she/her pronouns. I'm the Associate VP of Education Programs with Planned Parenthood Orange and San Bernardino Counties, and I've been doing this work for almost 15 years, and I am the proud mama of two daughters. I have a 14-year-old and I have an 11-year-old, so I've got a teen and a tween.

So it's an exciting time.

Katie Fenske

10:00:47

Oh!

Uh, but I love, like, you can speak to this topic, because you are literally going through it. I… yeah. I just had a conversation with a friend the other day, and she's like, when and how do you start talking about puberty and all this stuff? And I'm like, I've got the perfect person to talk to you about this.

Amy Streavel

10:00:52

Literally living it.

Katie Fenske

10:01:07

And Fabiola, what about you? Where are you from and what do you do?

Faviola Mercado

10:01:11

Yeah. Hi. My name is Fabiola Mercado. I am here in Anaheim as well, and I am the senior community education manager here for Planned Parenthood. So assisting with Amy to create, develop, implement.

and evaluate comprehensive sex ed. I am on the earlier stages of motherhood, so I have a five year old and a one year old.

Katie Fenske

10:01:36

Oh, that is so fun! I was… I was just telling someone the other day, I'm like, those years are physically exhausting. They are so tiring, but now I have a 12-year-old, and I'm like.

Faviola Mercado

10:01:39

Instantly, yes.

So exhausting.

Amy Streavel

10:01:49

Yes.

Katie Fenske

10:01:50

getting gray hair with him. Like, this is a different difficult. And I was like, I kind of want to just go back to toddler problems again. Like, they were…

Amy Streavel

10:01:59

They can't talk back as much.

Katie Fenske

10:02:00

They were challenging.

Yes, yes, right, yeah, the talking back. But that's, that's one of the things I was going to talk about, like, hormone changes! How do we discuss that? Oh my gosh, I'm in it. I'm dealing with this right now.

Amy Streavel

10:02:13

Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:02:16

So, how did both of you get into this? Like, what… what sparked your interest, or what led you to this…

Amy Streavel

10:02:22

Yeah. So my story starts in seventh grade. So I had abstinence only education. And it was this was also before the Internet, or, as my daughters would say, the late 19 hundreds. So.

Katie Fenske

10:02:24

this world.

The olden days, mom.

Amy Streavel

10:02:38

Yeah.

Um, you know, so I had abstinence-only education. It was very shameful. It left me with a lot of questions and nowhere to really find the answers. You know, I didn't grow up in a household where, you know, my mom had the.

talk with me, or any talks with me around sexual health, and so I knew from 7th grade that I never wanted anyone to ever have to go through that again. And so that was something that I was just passionate about, was ensuring young people had access.

Katie Fenske

10:02:57

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:03:10

to know where to find information, to know, um, you know, what they have access to so they can make informed decisions for themselves, and that's what I try to do with my daughters as well.

Katie Fenske

10:03:19

Mm-hmm.

Love that. And what about you, Abiola?

Faviola Mercado

10:03:24

So mine is a background in health education. So I studied health education for my bachelor's, and then went on to study public health, and really just an overall love for making sure, similar to Amy, making sure that the communities have.

Katie Fenske

10:03:28

Okay.

Faviola Mercado

10:03:40

medically accurate, like correct information, not just the information, but in a way that makes sense to them. So I've noticed that that is a very big difference. We can send out information, but if it doesn't make sense and it's not communicated in a way that.

Katie Fenske

10:03:47

Mmhm.

Faviola Mercado

10:03:56

Really.

speaks to, various populations. So it's always about tweaking. It's almost, you know, it's just not going to really help. So, doing the work that we do, we do education for parents, which is a totally different.

Katie Fenske

10:04:02

No.

Yeah. Okay.

Faviola Mercado

10:04:15

A shift in perspective and like talking points. And then for youth, we modify for youth to keep them engaged and present it like in a fun way that they can learn. And then professionals is also a different perspective. So I love being able to tweak.

Katie Fenske

10:04:17

Thank you.

I love that.

Faviola Mercado

10:04:30

the information and make sure that it fits the audience that we're trying to reach.

Katie Fenske

10:04:32

I love that. I was wondering if you worked more with kids, if you worked more with parents, but it seems like you're kind of like hitting all the areas.

Faviola Mercado

10:04:40

We do as a as a team, we do all the groups. I, in my role, oversee the health educators that do all the youth education, and then I talk mostly to parents. So I do a lot of parent workshops in the community.

Katie Fenske

10:04:43

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Amy Streavel

10:04:53

And I get to work with like the professionals, so the teachers, the administrators, and really help the schools be comfortable and confident to be able to bring this information to the students.

Katie Fenske

10:04:55

Okay, I…

Mmm.

Okay.

Okay, so speaking of schools, a few things I'm thinking. What grade, because I remember when I was teaching, I always thought like, I don't want to teach that grade because I don't want to have to do the talk. What grade would they get that in schools? So we're in California. I don't know if it changes nationwide, but in California, what grade?

Amy Streavel

10:05:13

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:05:16

Okay.

Amy Streavel

10:05:21

In California, we actually have a very robust comprehensive sex ed law, so all public schools have to teach comprehensive sex ed once in middle school and once in high school, so that's called the California Healthy Youth Act. So we can go into schools and we help them facilitate… we can either facilitate the education directly.

Katie Fenske

10:05:34

Okay.

Okay.

Amy Streavel

10:05:41

We can train the teachers because that's a part of it. Teachers need to be trained to be able to provide the content. Or like I mentioned, we can help the school set it up for, their sites. But we also encourage folks to start even younger.

Katie Fenske

10:05:43

Cool.

Okay.

Okay.

Amy Streavel

10:05:56

So that, you know, we're talking about puberty when it's age appropriate. So fourth and fifth grade is when we start working with some of the schools, and we have a puberty program that we can bring in so that we can help them be comfortable and kind of build the scaffolding so that when they get the sex ed in seventh grade, they have some base.

Katie Fenske

10:06:09

Okay.

Amy Streavel

10:06:14

Basic knowledge about bodies. Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:06:16

It's not like a shock. Yeah, yeah. So is that something, I know it was like a very hot topic when this was passed. I was still teaching and it was like, okay, hold on, let me turn this off.

Um, it was, um, like, what can parents opt out?

That kind of thing. So in the lower grades with the puberty talk, is that something that parents have to, like, agree?

Amy Streavel

10:06:45

Well, we come in as guest speakers. Yeah, so we come in as guest speakers. So typically the school will facilitate any kind of notification. So yeah, so we just come in to facilitate the conversation, but typically we'll always host a parent meeting.

Katie Fenske

10:06:47

To allow that or.

Okay, okay.

Amy Streavel

10:07:00

So we'll host a parent night so parents can come, they can see the curriculum, they can ask us any questions. Um You know, we can share exactly what the students are gonna learn. They have access to all the materials because we also want them to feel comfortable and we also want to encourage them to talk to their kids. We're like, we're gonna talk to them about this.

So when they come home, ask them a question about it or, you know, like, continue. This is a great opportunity to start those conversations if they haven't started already.

Katie Fenske

10:07:18

Mmhm.

Right.

Right.

Yes. Okay, and that was something that came up with my friend. She was like, when do we start talking about it? And then another friend was asking, do I know any books? Because my son is starting to, like, ask some questions that make me think I need to tell him about this stuff.

So, she was asking for book suggestions, and I'm like, I don't have any, um, let me ask someone. So, at what age do you start talking about, just like, the puberty basics?

Faviola Mercado

10:07:52

So for puberty, if we're talking specifically about puberty, because that that is when we're talking about like the talk or having these conversations, you know, there's a lot of misconceptions or misbeliefs about what that means. So if we're talking about specifically puberty, it's really best to start those conversations.

Katie Fenske

10:08:00

Uh-huh.

Right.

Faviola Mercado

10:08:13

sooner than later. So before these puberty changes start to appear. So typically, puberty happens around, and it's an average like 8 to 13. So before then, so 8 can be grades are a little different now, but.

Katie Fenske

10:08:17

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Faviola Mercado

10:08:29

Um, it is like third grade, fourth grade. Um, so even earlier, and sometimes parents are.

Katie Fenske

10:08:30

Third. Third ish. Yeah.

Faviola Mercado

10:08:36

a little worried that it's too early, but it's all about being age-appropriate and just making it so that it is developmentally appropriate for them. So, you know, if we're talking about puberty conversations for.

Katie Fenske

10:08:38

Mmhm.

Right.

Faviola Mercado

10:08:51

a 7-year-old, right? So getting, preparing them for what's coming, talking about it in a way that we're saying, you know, body, your body is going to, um, as you grow up, start having some changes, you're gonna get taller, you're going to, you know, start with the easy stuff.

Katie Fenske

10:09:05

Right. It's almost like prepping you for what you, oh yeah, we're going to have to wear deodorant one day. Like that's not too awkward. That's just like, oh, because you smell a little different. That's kind of like how we started like, oh yeah, deodorant, let's try that.

Faviola Mercado

10:09:06

And then, what do we do?

Yes.

Exactly.

Mm-hmm.

The importance of hygiene.

Amy Streavel

10:09:19

And that's usually how we get introduced at the school, because teachers will call and say, we need a conversation about hygiene.

Katie Fenske

10:09:20

Look at that.

Faviola Mercado

10:09:21

Yes, and…

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:09:28

Yes. Oh, my God. Yes, I have going into junior high, son, and.

Amy Streavel

10:09:28

Bye.

Faviola Mercado

10:09:29

Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:09:34

Yes, that's where we are right now. We need to wash those feet every day.

Faviola Mercado

10:09:37

Yeah, and…

Amy Streavel

10:09:39

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:09:41

Yes, yeah, and that's all a part of that puberty… puberty talk. So, starting with the hygiene basics, and then working your way up to maybe some of the other…

Katie Fenske

10:09:42

Interesting.

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:09:51

Other topics that sometimes parents don't feel as prepared to talk about. So like menstruation and anatomy.

Katie Fenske

10:09:59

Mmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:09:59

So it's easing into it for the child, but also a lot for the parents as well. So making sure you're kind of dipping your toes and like starting those conversations and working up to some other bigger topics.

Katie Fenske

10:10:06

Yeah.

Yes.

I like that idea because we did have like the talk with my son, but we're trying to make it just like, hey, if you have any more questions and like a lot of it was like, oh yeah, do you notice his voice change prior to having the talk? But it was just like all those little things, like it was still very awkward.

Faviola Mercado

10:10:26

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:10:33

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:10:45

Yes.

Amy Streavel

10:10:53

Yeah, and my younger daughter was like, when do I get to wear deodorant? Like, when she saw her older sister going… she was…

that.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes.

Katie Fenske

10:11:07

I was like, now you have to wear deodorant, not wearing it. Although he…

Amy Streavel

10:11:08

It's like a checklist. Did you brush your teeth? Did you put on deodorant?

Faviola Mercado

10:11:08

Yes. Okay.

Katie Fenske

10:11:12

Yes.

He is all about Axe body spray. I didn't know that was back in style now. And I'm like, that's actually not deodorant. That's like just masking the smell.

Faviola Mercado

10:11:18

Oh!

Amy Streavel

10:11:20

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:11:24

But I'm like, okay, that's like the trend right now. They're all into like colognes and deodorant and all that stuff.

Faviola Mercado

10:11:24

There is a difference.

Katie Fenske

10:11:31

So, what would be, like, too young? Let's say a kid… so, my son started to get curious about things, and he was asking questions that made us think, like, he needs to know about sex. Like, I think we told him about it in 5th grade, because he was, like, asking questions that were, like.

It's time for you to get the information from us. What would be too early or how do you start that if kids are asking questions young?

Amy Streavel

10:11:56

I mean, I think a tip that is important too is when they're asking questions is to ask them follow-up questions to kind of gauge where the information's coming from because they might ask a very heavy question and we're like, oh goodness, we have to have the talk.

Katie Fenske

10:12:09

Oh, that's good.

Amy Streavel

10:12:13

Where if we just follow up with, like, well, where did you hear that? Or what, like, what… is there, like, a reason why you're asking me that question? Because maybe it's something they saw on television, or they…

Katie Fenske

10:12:14

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

Amy Streavel

10:12:27

So, they heard somebody else say it, or they heard an adult conversation, and they're like, what is that? So, I think, like, for people that are kind of scared about, is it too soon, is to ask that follow-up question, because it might just be a really simple answer, and it's like, okay, we're not ready for THE talk right now.

Katie Fenske

10:12:27

Heard of somewhere. Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:12:27

Thank you.

Katie Fenske

10:12:32

Yes.

Amy Streavel

10:12:45

They're just curious of what this means. And so you can answer that question.

Katie Fenske

10:12:45

Got it.

Got it. Okay, so here's a funny story. My son was pretty, my oldest son was pretty young. We were on our way to baseball and he wasn't wearing his athletic cup and my father-in-law was in the car with us and I think he said like.

Amy Streavel

10:12:57

And.

Faviola Mercado

10:12:59

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:13:04

oh, you're gonna wanna make sure you wear that, you don't wanna… you wanna make sure you can have kids one day, and then he's like, why would wearing a cup mean I can't have kids? And I'm sitting there driving the car like, we're not ready for this conversation yet!

So I was like, Papa John, you just brought… you just opened a can of worms! It just kind of, you know, went away. But one thing someone said was always just talk about, like, oh, you know how there has to be a rooster, um, with a chicken to make a chick? Otherwise, it's just a plain egg? Like, that's, like, the easiest little start. I'm like, oh…

Amy Streavel

10:13:19

Grandpa!

Right.

Faviola Mercado

10:13:22

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:13:36

Okay, like.

Amy Streavel

10:13:38

Okay.

Katie Fenske

10:13:38

Just like little tiny basics that you can give.

Amy Streavel

10:13:40

Yeah, they're not asking how it gets there.

Faviola Mercado

10:13:40

Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:13:42

Ugh.

No! No!

Faviola Mercado

10:13:44

And I think sometimes parents overthink how much they have to explain, when really, I mean, just offer little bits, and then see if they still have questions, see if they still… they will eventually have questions, but it doesn't mean that they will in that very moment.

Amy Streavel

10:13:45

Yeah, okay.

Katie Fenske

10:13:47

Yes, yes.

Right.

Right.

Right. And I will say, like, we had, like, the initial talk, but it hasn't, like, just yesterday, he came up and he was like, I have a question, what does this word mean? And my husband and I were like.

this word, but it's like, I told him later, I was like, oh my god, this is so awkward. He's like, but don't you want him asking us? Like, he probably heard it from somewhere else, you know, and you would rather, like, give him, like, oh, that's kind of like a derogatory word, it's not a very nice way of saying, like, a female Bar.

Amy Streavel

10:14:23

Thank you.

Faviola Mercado

10:14:26

Mm-hmm. Mm.

Katie Fenske

10:14:27

You know, but it's a lot like.

Faviola Mercado

10:14:30

It is. But I, you know, my favorite part about parent workshops and when parents bring up.

Katie Fenske

10:14:30

It's hard. Yeah.

Faviola Mercado

10:14:37

Questions like that or comments are like, oh, but I get so like, I get so nervous when they come up and they ask me these questions from like, that is a sign that you're doing a great job. They're coming to you and they're asking these questions. It means they're comfortable coming to you. And that's.

Katie Fenske

10:14:47

Yeah, but they can ask you.

Yeah.

Because I would have never asked my mom. Like, I was kind of raised, you know, Catholic, and she did do the talk, and I… I don't think she would have not answered anything if I had asked her all these questions, but I was just like…

Amy Streavel

10:14:53

Oh.

Faviola Mercado

10:14:54

No. No.

Katie Fenske

10:15:05

so, like, afraid to ask anything, that now I'm, like, seeing my son go, like, what's this word? I'm like… it, like, catches me off guard, because I'm like, I would have never done that, so the fact that he's doing it, I'm like…

Faviola Mercado

10:15:08

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:15:18

God, he's just so, like, open and, like, free to ask all this stuff. So.

Faviola Mercado

10:15:23

Yeah, it's a good reflection. You're doing a great job.

Katie Fenske

10:15:25

Okay.

I did tell him when we were talking about it once, I'm like, because he's like, oh my god, this is so weird. I'm like, it is weird for me too, because I'm like, this is, like, adult content, and so I just need you to know that the stuff we're talking about is what adults do, so I feel uncomfortable talking.

About it too, but you know. You need to know you're getting older as much as I don't want you to grow up. I bet you are growing up. I see that.

Faviola Mercado

10:15:44

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:15:49

Hold on.

Katie Fenske

10:15:52

Um, right now, he's going through, like, major mood swings, like…

Amy Streavel

10:15:54

Oh, yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:15:57

I mean, I never thought this kid would talk back the way he does. Is that something you can, like, bring up about puberty? Like, wow, your hormones, like, the way you reacted to that, is that something that comes up in the puberty talk?

Amy Streavel

10:15:59

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:16:12

Yeah, yeah, for sure. That's a big, big piece. And I think that's sometimes the part that parents request the most that and deodorant.

So yeah, it's definitely a big part of it. And I think the biggest piece is really having them understand where those feelings like what's causing those feelings. So the sudden rise in hormones, and it's very common for these feelings and these mood swings to happen. And we explain, like what a mood swing is, and.

Katie Fenske

10:16:29

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:16:41

how it is something that is pretty normal for that puberty age. And once they understand like, okay, like I, there's only so much control I have over this, but the things that I can control are what to do when I'm feeling this way. So we incorporate that piece too with the parents. So a cool thing about our puberty workshop is that we've.

Katie Fenske

10:16:56

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:17:02

We got a lot of feedback from parents when doing these parent previews that It's great information. I'm glad they're learning it, but can you not tell them to come ask me questions after because I don't know how to answer these questions.

So something we incorporated and we started was a puberty program where we do it with the parents and their youth together. So.

Usually, typically around that 4th, 5th grade age, um, we bring them together and go through our 2-hour puberty workshop with a lot of activities, uh, times for conversations, and it's really helped build that, like, open line of communication, makes it a little less awkward for the parent.

Katie Fenske

10:17:42

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:17:42

Because it's a guided conversation, a little less awkward for their child. And it's been a really great way to see how much more comfortable everyone is at the end of it. And we have them kind of the last activity is them to share like what they learned.

Katie Fenske

10:17:53

Yeah. Okay.

Faviola Mercado

10:17:58

and the parents like, how are you going to support your child as they continue to grow and experience a lot of these changes. So.

It's been really great to do that, and one of those conversations is around that mood swing and what to do when we're feeling those strong emotions to kind of calm down.

Katie Fenske

10:18:11

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Right, because I think both of us just react. Wait a minute. Okay, remember his hormones are going crazy and he, don't take it personally how he's acting right now. I love that because there really isn't a parenting book that says this is how it works.

Amy Streavel

10:18:17

Exactly.

Faviola Mercado

10:18:18

Yes.

Katie Fenske

10:18:31

how you should talk to your kids about this. Like, there's tons of parenting books for when you're pregnant and stuff, but there's no, like, here's how to handle kids 5th grade on. Um, are your workshops in person, or are they virtual?

Faviola Mercado

10:18:35

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:18:38

Thank you.

Faviola Mercado

10:18:44

Yes. They're mostly done in person. For that age group, it is mostly in person, and then we are going to be having a virtual option for those that can't.

Katie Fenske

10:18:45

In person.

Okay.

Faviola Mercado

10:18:56

Um, do an in-person, either due to distance, or maybe they don't have a group to do it with, so that they can follow along through a module at home.

Katie Fenske

10:18:59

Mmhm.

Okay.

Amy Streavel

10:19:03

Okay.

Katie Fenske

10:19:05

Oh, that's awesome. What is some misinformation kids are getting from social media about sex health and all of this? Because this is a very different generation than I grew up in. And I feel like I was just talking to a friend, the access they have.

To stuff is just so much more, you know, like my friend or the husband was saying, oh, you know, when we were like 13, someone had a Playboy and we would like hide it and go look at it. Now it's like the stuff they can find online is 10 times worse.

Amy Streavel

10:19:28

Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:19:36

And it's just right there. So how do you?

Amy Streavel

10:19:40

Yeah, that is a hard one. And I think, especially for like us parents in this generation who grew up before the Internet. You know, we, I think we have a little bit more caution around it. Whereas you know our kiddos.

Katie Fenske

10:19:40

bridge that.

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:19:55

You know, they just exist and they know this is where I go for information. So I do feel like, you know, the internet is a great place for community and to socialize and there's great things that come off of social media, but there is also a lot of information.

Katie Fenske

10:20:02

Yep.

Amy Streavel

10:20:13

And especially with, like, the, you know, the popularity of influencers, um, who oftentimes are sharing their personal stories, and oftentimes, everyone has a different personal story. So, when, you know, they're sharing about how they might have had a bad experience with a certain type of birth control.

Katie Fenske

10:20:19

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:20:31

Um, and somebody watches that, and they're like, okay, well, I know I'm not gonna use that birth control, but it's like, no, that could work for you. You know, everyone is different. Um, that's why it's best always to speak with a medical provider for, like, medical decisions, so that they can determine what's best for you. Um, but also, I think it's, you know.

Katie Fenske

10:20:45

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:20:49

teaching and helping kids understand how to verify information is very critical, too. So and I don't think it's as simple as just saying like, don't believe everything you see online. So I think we have an opportunity here to, you know, work with our kids and say, you know, let's.

Katie Fenske

10:21:02

No.

Amy Streavel

10:21:06

Where did this source come from? Or let's look and see, can we verify this information in another place with another reliable resource? But do it with them. Because again, if somebody had, you know, if a kid is saying, you know, mom, dad, what is sex?

Katie Fenske

10:21:11

Hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:21:21

you know, they decide to go look on the internet themselves, they're going to be exposed to much more than what we want them to be. So, um, you know, I think it's really important that's a good opportunity where, especially if we don't know the answers, because it's okay to not know the answers. It is so okay to not know everything.

Katie Fenske

10:21:30

Alright.

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:21:40

But to be like, you know what? Let's find out together. Let's look up some reliable resources.

and I, you know there's a lot of good resources out there. But I I do think that the Internet does provide an opportunity. You know, things go viral and get shared over and over again. And sometimes it's that misinformation that's just getting shared over and over again. So we really we.

Katie Fenske

10:21:58

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:22:02

Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:22:02

You ever just, like, shake your head when you see this? Like, oh gosh, how was that out there? Ugh.

Amy Streavel

10:22:04

Yeah.

Well, and I think even like.

Even, like…

just general appropriate things have been sexualized online. Like, I remember when my daughter was really young, and hearing her watching something, and I'm like, what is she watching? I was like, that doesn't sound right, and it was Barbie, like, giving birth, and then my daughter had this, like, obsession with.

pregnancy and birth for a little while. Um, but it was like, that's… that was wild to me, because I was like, they sexualized that, you know? So, they're definitely exposed to a lot more.

Katie Fenske

10:22:41

Mm-hmm.

What would you say? Okay, so kids are curious about body parts, and they search that. Where would you say like?

Amy Streavel

10:22:43

Mmhm.

Katie Fenske

10:22:50

a safe place is to show them anatomy.

Amy Streavel

10:22:53

Great question.

Katie Fenske

10:22:55

Like, are there books? Are there… because I will admit, like, my son was curious about…

Amy Streavel

10:22:58

Right.

Katie Fenske

10:23:01

naked girls, and then I was like, what is this search? And now we're blocking this, and then we're, you know, using a password. But then you go, well, he's curious, he does not have sisters, he does not know what…

Amy Streavel

10:23:04

Yeah.

So there are some really good books out there that exist. I think there's one that's called, like, um, What's Happening to My Body, and they have, like, a book for boys, and they have a book for girls, and it's, um, illustrations of body parts, but that could be a great introduction into, you know, what they really look like. But also understanding that they all look different, too, so…

Faviola Mercado

10:23:12

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:23:12

they look like.

Faviola Mercado

10:23:14

Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:23:14

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:23:30

even what we might be looking at as an example might not be what you know their body parts look like, because everyone is different. But there's a lot of good online resources, too. So like one that we use a lot is amaze and they have amaze.org right? And they have videos and and.

Katie Fenske

10:23:31

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Faviola Mercado

10:23:46

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:23:51

resources available for all different ages, even for parents. I mean, our planned parenthood website is medically accurate information. So we go to that a lot. We point parents to that a lot. We've got a lot of resources available for for all age groups how to talk to your kid or or for kids to explore themselves.

Katie Fenske

10:24:07

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:24:07

Um…

So yeah, any others, Fabiola, that you want to.

Faviola Mercado

10:24:12

No, I think that the Planned Parenthood website is really great because it can be broken down into different age groups. So sometimes parents are like, well, I'm not sure exactly how to word this for my eight-year-old, 10-year-old. And you can go in there and it'll.

tell you like, explain it to you in a way that makes sense to that age group. So that's a really good site. But I mean, learning about bodies is definitely a also a big piece about puberty that sometimes gets.

Overlooked, um, and learning about everyone's bodies, so it's, it's part of just knowing how the body works and how to keep it clean and healthy and just hygiene, so it's.

Katie Fenske

10:24:44

Mm-hmm.

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:24:56

Yeah, it's really important, and there's a lot of great resources, like the books and the reputable, like, age-appropriate websites that we shared.

Katie Fenske

10:25:00

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah.

I noticed because I have boys, I haven't really…

Amy Streavel

10:25:07

Thank you.

Katie Fenske

10:25:07

gone into much about periods and menstruation. How is, like, having girls different than having boys? Like, are there things that you want to really focus on if you have girls? Like, also just talking about as they get older, like, consent and making sure, like.

Faviola Mercado

10:25:09

And they're very curious.

Katie Fenske

10:25:22

Because this came up, too, with my… I can't believe this is my 12-year-old, but…

Someone had mentioned, um…

A 12 year old girl thought she might be pregnant. And my son was like, wait, that, like, I don't think he thought people my age, that could happen. And so then we kind of had a discussion about that and like, sometimes people make them do it and that's called rape. And it's like, oh my God.

Amy Streavel

10:25:34

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:25:45

God, like, we just opened a whole can of worms, but what are some things that you specifically would talk about with girls versus boys, and then at what point do you talk about consent?

Faviola Mercado

10:25:57

So I think when we're talking about we talked a little bit about just like what when is the right time and how it's an ongoing conversation. So I think that's really the key piece. People think that it really starts with like kind of that puberty age.

Katie Fenske

10:26:03

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:26:12

But these conversations start, like, from the time they're a baby, um, really. So they're learning, they're already learning about things like, um, feeling safe, uh, feeling cared for.

Katie Fenske

10:26:22

Hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:26:24

You know, and that translates into, like, the foundations of healthy relationships, which then turns into learning about healthy friendships, and then eventually healthy romantic relationships. So it's all connected, and the consent piece can start very young as well, so it doesn't necessarily, like, consent isn't just specific to.

sexual acts or any sexual-related things, we can teach them consent is, you know, borrowing someone's pencil, asking for consent right now, big deal for elementary, if you can hug them.

Katie Fenske

10:26:45

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:26:56

Oh.

Katie Fenske

10:26:59

Right.

Faviola Mercado

10:26:59

You know, so there's a lot of pieces to all of those conversations that start with really kind of simple things that you can then build on, for the safety piece.

Katie Fenske

10:27:06

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:27:11

Learning about good touch, bad touch. So that starts at a very young age. You can teach them about parts of the body that are not places that other people can touch. So like explaining the differences between good touch, bad touch, then it kind of leads into those conversations.

Katie Fenske

10:27:21

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:27:28

what to do if someone does overstep that boundary, or how to communicate those things can then lead into more.

conversations about consent and about, you know.

those bigger topics, sexual assault, and it kind of makes more sense, and they connect those pieces easier, because it's not the first time they've had that information, and they're just building on what they already know. So having small conversations as they're getting older really does help.

Katie Fenske

10:27:47

Mmhm.

Faviola Mercado

10:28:00

them connect those pieces once they get to kind of the what we consider like the harder topic to talk about.

Katie Fenske

10:28:05

Yes, yeah, yeah. See if you have that foundation already.

Amy Streavel

10:28:05

And to kind of…

Yeah. And to and to kind of talk to your piece of like, what do we teach to boys? What do we teach to girls? You know, we often do get like groups of boys or groups of girls. So we really focus on the those changes to their specific body parts first. But we really encourage.

Faviola Mercado

10:28:09

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:28:23

Okay.

Amy Streavel

10:28:24

the families to include some of both, because, you know, we're gonna have, you know, boys are… may not have a menstrual cycle, um, but… Exactly! It builds empathy, and they understand, and then, you know, maybe they don't make fun of it when.

Katie Fenske

10:28:29

Okay.

I want them to know about it, what these girls are dealing with.

Yes.

Amy Streavel

10:28:43

This happened when a girl has an accident at school, or you know, like that, we're just building that empathy. So we do encourage those when they're when they are gendered presentations. We do encourage them to include content of everyone, so that they see everyone has changes.

Katie Fenske

10:28:44

Right.

Yes.

Mmhm.

You know.

Amy Streavel

10:28:59

They're not exactly the same. There are a lot of similarities, but there definitely are differences and we really encourage that so we can build that empathy and they can understand and so they can get their questions answered too.

Katie Fenske

10:29:00

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:29:09

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:29:13

Right. I remember one time, I think my son was maybe 7, my oldest one, and I was buying tampons at the store, and they were like, what is that? And he goes, oh, it's a band-aid for mom's butt. And I'm like.

Faviola Mercado

10:29:14

And again, it…

Katie Fenske

10:29:24

Not exactly, but you have some sort of idea.

Amy Streavel

10:29:27

Oh.

Katie Fenske

10:29:29

But it's like, oh, it's things moms use. We use them once a month, you know.

Amy Streavel

10:29:30

Back up.

Faviola Mercado

10:29:33

Yeah, yeah, but that's good. And then when they learn about menstruation, they see those products again. It's not the first time they're seeing.

Katie Fenske

10:29:41

Yeah, yeah. I do kind of feel like them not having a sister, they don't really like know what a girl has to go through and stuff. So I don't know. It'll come up at some point.

Faviola Mercado

10:29:42

And for girls, I think…

But they'll have a lot of classmates, and the more that they know and they'll understand, like Amy said, it does really build that empathy piece. When we're doing all girl sessions, we definitely hit on voice changes, and how voice cracks for boys, and how.

Katie Fenske

10:29:51

Yes. Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Are they usually separated? Do they still in school separate or do they?

Faviola Mercado

10:30:05

It's not something they can control.

It really depends on the school. So it's very much recommended to keep it co-ed. Some sites still prefer to separate. So we still cover ever like the entire presentation. Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:30:10

Do.

Okay.

Same topic. Okay.

Faviola Mercado

10:30:24

But sometimes they do still separate.

Katie Fenske

10:30:27

Mmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:30:28

Mmhm.

Katie Fenske

10:30:29

Well, what is one thing you want parents to take away about this stage?

Amy Streavel

10:30:36

I would say for me is that you don't have to be an expert right like, I think that's 1 of the scariest things about starting these conversations or having conversations, or is that like, we're gonna say something wrong. And so I think it's like our kids don't expect us to be experts. So it it's okay to say, I don't know. And then to offer to learn together. I think that's.

Katie Fenske

10:30:37

With our kid.

Mm-hmm.

Amy Streavel

10:30:57

You know, that's something that's that's really just important and impactful.

Faviola Mercado

10:31:05

I would say, I mean, of course, and also that it's.

Amy Streavel

10:31:10

I'm…

Faviola Mercado

10:31:10

it's okay to be nervous, and it's totally normal to be nervous, and to, you know, kind of be… feel not ready to have the conversation. A lot of times.

Katie Fenske

10:31:19

Uh-huh.

Faviola Mercado

10:31:22

The kids are feeling exact same way, especially as they get older. But what's really important and what's really the main reasoning for it is creating that safe space for them. So kids need that safe space, whether you're a parent, a caregiver, sometimes it is another trusted adult in their life.

They need that trusted person that they know they can go to to ask questions, to have the conversations. They're going to get the information one way or another. So what we want is for them to come back to you to ask those questions, get the information.

Katie Fenske

10:31:48

Mm-hmm.

Faviola Mercado

10:31:56

And it's also a really great way they're going to learn. Some parents like, well, they're going to learn about it in school. They learn, they learn the basics in school. They do learn the information. But what's missing is that family values piece. So it's really a great opportunity to talk about.

what's important to your family, how you view some of these topics, what you want them to take into their life. And it's a really great place to have those conversations with them.

Katie Fenske

10:32:16

Mmhm.

Yeah, and then that just builds trust within families, like, they're not just gonna come to you about sex, they're gonna come to you about, like, oh, my friend did this, or… and you want them…

Faviola Mercado

10:32:29

Yes.

You want them to.

Katie Fenske

10:32:33

To be able to just be open with you about everything, yeah. Well, I love it. I love what you're doing, and I appreciate it, because all of us moms were like, why don't we talk about it? How do we do this? So, it's a lot, so thank you for all that you do.

Faviola Mercado

10:32:34

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Amy Streavel

10:32:45

Oh, thank you so much.

Faviola Mercado

10:32:47

Thank you.

Okay.

Katie Fenske

10:32:50

Perfect.

Okay, let me stop this really quick.

Awesome! Thank you so much! You guys are wonderful! Do you ever come to the Orange School? Schools in Orange Unified?

Amy Streavel

10:33:00

We would love to.

Faviola Mercado

10:33:03

Orange unified is tricky.

Katie Fenske

10:33:03

Because, okay, it is, like… I was teaching at an independent study charter school, I think, when all of this happened, and so many of the parents were like…

I don't want this in schools. And I'm like… And I think they're getting misinformation about what is being taught. Because I, like, was trying to explain to them, like.

Faviola Mercado

10:33:23

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:33:26

Depending on what the district chooses as their curriculum is what.

is offered. So I think they heard, they teach about gay sex, and da-da-da, and I'm like, that was one curriculum that was offered at the state that they could choose, but go see what your district is actually using. I'm like, there's just a lot of misinformation.

Amy Streavel

10:33:44

We we have worked within orange unified before. We have. But yeah, it's kind of like this. I think the districts.

Katie Fenske

10:33:48

Okay.

Amy Streavel

10:33:52

mirror their school board.

So, I think right now…

Katie Fenske

10:33:56

Oh, interesting. Okay, and ours kind of went through a change. We've kind of…

Amy Streavel

10:33:58

Yeah.

But I know — I think Orange is about to be under attack again with the upcoming elections, I heard.

Katie Fenske

10:34:02

Gone through a little chain.

Oh no, again?

Amy Streavel

10:34:09

So yeah, a little battle.

Katie Fenske

10:34:09

Oh, God. It was a nightmare with that.

Amy Streavel

10:34:13

You know…

Katie Fenske

10:34:13

The recall went through, that all. I was like, oh my god, at least we won't be in the news for a while. Oh gosh, it's a nightmare.

Faviola Mercado

10:34:15

Yes.

Amy Streavel

10:34:20

Yeah, it's wild.

Katie Fenske

10:34:23

Oh.

Faviola Mercado

10:34:23

What?

Katie Fenske

10:34:24

Oh, that's awesome. Okay, well, I'll let you guys get back to work. Thank you so much for coming on. Um, this will come out… it'll be in July, but I'll let you know, like, the specific date once I have it uploaded.

Amy Streavel

10:34:34

Yeah, thank you. Anytime we can be of help, let us know. We're just down.

Katie Fenske

10:34:34

But thank you so much.

Faviola Mercado

10:34:36

Thank you!

Katie Fenske

10:34:39

Oh, yes. Now I'm like, how do I get to my school? So do you have to go through to the district to get to the schools?

Amy Streavel

10:34:45

It kind of depends on the school too. So we work with principals who are like, it's the law, we have to do it.

Faviola Mercado

10:34:48

Thank you.

Amy Streavel

10:34:52

you know, like, we're just gonna do it. So we I mean, we obviously, we still have to show all of our materials and stuff. So we're still very transparent. But we come in as a guest speaker, and guest speakers are allowed to to do the education as long as they are doing the right information.

Katie Fenske

10:34:53

Okay.

Right.

Amy Streavel

10:35:07

Um…

Katie Fenske

10:35:08

Right. But if there were parents who were just interested, they could just go to your workshop. It doesn't have, okay.

Amy Streavel

10:35:11

Correct. We could host, we do a lot of home parties. So we do like most of our puberty parties are in homes. So the parents get together and then the kids get together. I've done it several times with my daughters. So yeah, we have like puberty parties.

Faviola Mercado

10:35:14

Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:35:17

Oh.

Interesting.

Okay.

Amy Streavel

10:35:28

But if there's a group that wants to bring us like, yeah, we're happy to do that.

Katie Fenske

10:35:36

That's interesting. It just… it's such a fine line, because I have, like, some very conservative friends, and then some that are like, let's tell our kids all about it, and it's just… yeah, it's…

Faviola Mercado

10:35:41

Yeah. Okay.

Amy Streavel

10:35:42

I know.

Although I do too, and my conservative friends were like, please, like, please do it. I don't want to do it.

Katie Fenske

10:35:47

Towing the line.

Faviola Mercado

10:35:52

You do it.

Katie Fenske

10:35:52

Do it.

But I think you're right, that you can give the basics, because that's the part that we're like, oh, I have such a hard time with it, and then the families can, like.

Amy Streavel

10:35:55

Yep.

Katie Fenske

10:36:02

add their… because I was raised, like, Catholic…

Faviola Mercado

10:36:03

What?

Katie Fenske

10:36:07

You know.

Amy Streavel

10:36:08

Bye.

Katie Fenske

10:36:08

we don't talk about the… like, we had the talk, and then it's like, and then you wait till you're married. And it was like, well, now I can't talk to you.

Amy Streavel

10:36:16

Right.

Katie Fenske

10:36:16

This is what I was told. So it's very interesting. Yeah.

Faviola Mercado

10:36:18

Yeah. And we do do the same thing. We do the parent preview usually beforehand, and then we'll work with the groups. Like, I know some groups are more comfortable with.

Katie Fenske

10:36:23

Okay.

Faviola Mercado

10:36:27

less content, that you want us to only focus on certain parts of it. And so we're able to modify it more because it is a private session.

Katie Fenske

10:36:30

Right.

Okay. Oh, that's so good to know.

Faviola Mercado

10:36:35

But to kind of fit the needs of everyone.

Katie Fenske

10:36:38

Right, right. Because, like, the stuff my son asked me, I'm like…

Faviola Mercado

10:36:39

Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:36:42

I love that he's asking me, but I'm like, I need to prepare myself for like, because then it was like, yes, that is gay sex. Like two men can have sex. And he's like, you know, you're going this, but when I was growing up, it would have been like, that's not allowed. You know, we're, we're just like.

Amy Streavel

10:36:50

And…

Right.

Faviola Mercado

10:36:57

Mm-hmm.

Katie Fenske

10:36:58

That sometimes happens, too. Sometimes people have two dads. Some people have two moms. Like, how does that happen? I'm like, well, let's get it.

Amy Streavel

10:37:04

Well, and more and more people do now, like, and not that it wasn't, you know, not that it wasn't happening when we were younger, it just wasn't as accepted. And so now I think they're just exposed to much more.

Katie Fenske

10:37:08

Yes.

Faviola Mercado

10:37:09

Yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:37:14

It is accepted.

Right, right. Because I remember when Ellen DeGeneres came out. I remember that was like, what? Now it's like, oh, they're all over TV. Like, it makes our job a little bit easier because it is so…

Amy Streavel

10:37:18

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

It was, like, the day after we graduated high school, like, three of our friends were like, by the way, I'm gay. But, like, in high school, they could not. They were like, I will never. And it was, like, the next…

Katie Fenske

10:37:29

norm now.

You can't be. Yeah. Did you guys grow up in Orange County?

Amy Streavel

10:37:38

Yeah, I went to Estancia in Costa Mesa.

Katie Fenske

10:37:42

Oh, okay, okay.

Faviola Mercado

10:37:44

I grew up in Bakersfield, so also very conservative. Yeah, yeah.

Katie Fenske

10:37:46

Okay, so not far, not far. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, interesting. Well, keep doing what you're doing. I'm going to look into if.

If I wanted someone to go to a workshop, can they just go to the Planned Parenthood, um, website, or is it something specific to this area?

Amy Streavel

10:38:00

Our area. So we can — you can either give them either of our contact information. We can help set that up.

Katie Fenske

10:38:03

Okay.

Faviola Mercado

10:38:04

Yep.

Katie Fenske

10:38:07

Okay, okay. It was my neighbor down the street and she also has three boys and she's like, I think it's time I need to start talking. And I'm like, let me get some information for you. I'll tell you all about it.

Faviola Mercado

10:38:17

Great.

Katie Fenske

10:38:18

Perfect. All right. Well, thank you so much.