Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Tina and Ann met as journalists covering a capital murder trial, 15 years ago. Tina has been a tv and radio personality and has three children. Ann has a master's in counseling and has worked in the jail system, was a director of a battered woman's shelter/rape crisis center, worked as an assistant director at a school for children with autism, worked with abused kids and is currently raising her three children who have autism. She also is autistic and was told would not graduate high school, but as you can see, she has accomplished so much more. The duo share their stories of overcoming and interview people who are making it, despite what has happened. This is more than just two moms sharing their lives. This is two women who have overcome some of life's hardest obstacles. Join us every Wednesday as we go through life's journey together. There is purpose in the pain and hope in the journey.
Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Let's Talk Self-Worth with the Founder of the Self-Worth Initiative
What if a penny could change your life?
Deborah Weed, creator of The Luckiest Penny musical and founder of the Self-Worth Initiative, went from being bedridden and broken to becoming a fierce advocate for self-worth. After learning that a rare 1943 copper penny was worth over a million dollars, she had a powerful realization: even things we overlook hold tremendous value—and so do we.
In this inspiring episode, Deborah shares how she turned personal trauma into purpose through storytelling, including the creation of Paisley the Porcupine and the Quills Up movement. Her message is clear: self-worth isn’t given—it’s claimed.
We talk about the difference between self-esteem and self-worth, reclaiming our “quills,” and learning to stand tall in our truth. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough, this episode is your reminder that you are.
🎧 Visit selfworthinitiative.net to learn more and support this movement.
Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne. I am Anne. What do we get with a couture-loving porcupine, a million-dollar penny and a fearless visionary have in common? They're all part of Deborah Weed's mission to help kids and the kid inside us all to remember their worth, even when the world tries to make us forget. From Broadway dreams to creative DIYs, deborah's not just writing stories, she's building a movement. Today's guest is bringing glitter, grit and porcupine with a dream and Porcupine with a Dream. Deborah Weed is the founder of the Self-Worth Initiative and the creative genius behind Paisley's Last Quill, the Luckiest Penny and the upcoming Paisley the Musical. She's an author, illustrator, musical producer and former marketing executive who turned her pain into purpose, creating a movement that helps kids reclaim their confidence and creativity. Her mission is to foster self-worth for children through books, interactive musicals and innovative programs. Get ready to fall in love with Paisley, porcupines, pennies and the power of believing in yourself. Deborah, thank you so much for reaching out to me and wanting to be on the show.
Speaker 2:Wow, and that was beautiful. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Putting all that together, you made it magical.
Speaker 1:Well, it is magical. I looked at everything that you've done. It is very magical, so I really appreciate you being on. I read your books and you not only wrote them, but illustrated them. These illustrations are some of the most beautiful storytelling pictures that I've ever seen in a children's book, because they are vibrant and each character tells their own story. I'm not kidding Each character could probably have their own book. I found myself really studying the characters. There is so much detail and each character could stand by itself in its own story. Where did you get this idea of reaching children and giving them a purpose and the tools to believe in themselves through these beautiful books?
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for asking, and actually it started with trauma, which sometimes redirects us. So I had been the director of marketing for Citibank 19 branches. So I had been the director of marketing for Citibank 19 branches and I had also worked on a $26 million pavilion with Disney and Universal consultants for Kia Motors in Daejeon, korea, and I was at the top of my game. But then, physically, I had something happen to me, a misdiagnosis that kept me in bed for three years. And while you're thinking and you really don't have answers, sometimes the littlest thing in the world can make all the difference, and for me it was literally a penny that changed my life. So I heard about a 1943 pure copper penny that could be worth a million dollars. Now, like I don't know about you or the listeners out there, but to think that something that we hardly ever pick up could be worth that much. But it was made by mistake. It was made by mistake because they didn't put. They put usually they put steel inside a penny and then wrap it in copper, and for this particular penny it was pure copper and there was only 15 of them that got through the system, if you will, and that's what made them so rare and worth a million, right, yeah. So that penny represented to me when I felt tremendously worthless and not able to do anything anymore. It was a beacon and actually my hero. And I started thinking oh my gosh, how do you teach young children about self-worth? How do you? What can you say to a child? You know, if you say well, you must believe in yourself and love yourself. If they're being picked on or tortured in any way from the viral bullying that's going on these days, right, how do they know what they're worth?
Speaker 2:So, through this process of my own misdiagnosis, being in bed for three years not knowing what's going to happen, being in tremendous physical pain, emotional pain, for a variety of reasons, I changed my perspective of trying to solve the problem, which you know. I was literally desperate to taking some time to have creativity. I had been producing shows ever since I was 16 because my mom was a talent agent and she had an agency in Miami. So it was like natural for me to do and I created my first book. The first book was actually illustrated by Ernest Sokoloff, and then we started doing musicals.
Speaker 2:As soon as I got back up on my feet, figured out what had gone wrong, why the trauma was there. And we did shows in New York and Miami and the best part about it is the storyline is about two pennies who are going to find out how much they're worth and why at an auction. And Alistair, he feels like he's all that because he's never been touched, he's perfect and he knows how much he's worth or you know, money-wise. But Henry felt like me and maybe many of us he was on the street alone, he was somebody's lucky penny, he was in the garbage can, he went on a wild roller coaster ride, and so they're going to find out how much they're worth and why. And that was the musical the Luckiest Penny that I put out that inspired so many families and made the kids really start to talk about what self-worth meant to them, with a talkback there is so much need for this.
Speaker 1:You know, I mean I've got three littles. I have two olders and three littles and so much has changed in the 20 years that I've raised my kids and I cannot believe how much our kids are hopeless. They don't feel that much worth and there is so much that's coming at them that these types of things need to be louder than those other voices.
Speaker 2:Wow, I had never heard it put that way. That is a t-shirt, ann. You should start that, you know, because I had never heard it put that way. But that's so eloquent. It must be louder. There must be a counterbalance to what kids are feeling.
Speaker 2:So for years, this is something where we were doing it in New York and Miami. And the fascinating part, the best part of the show, wasn't the show, it was the talkback, because I would ask the kids afterwards, who's worth more, alistair or Henry? And some kids would be oh, alistair, he's got all the money. Yeah, but if you were in a room for the rest of your life with all these toys but you could never get out, what would that feel like? And then they would talk about that. And then another kid would be no, no, no, it's not Alistair, it's Henry. Because, look, henry ended up with love and how valuable that is.
Speaker 2:So for me, this was such a way back from despair, trauma, to actually get out there, learn what I learned through those three years in bed where I felt worthless. Because here's the biggest thing that a lot of people don't know Self-esteem is different than self-worth. Okay, talk about that Self-esteem is like I did something great. I put this musical on. People-worth is not based on anything I do. It's what I say I'm worth and only I can say it. And so many of us, so many of us right. We're looking for other people to love us so that we can love ourselves. We're looking to the outside world to validate us before we can determine our worth. And if we're not getting that from the outside, guess what happens? Our self-worth plummets and keep on trying to do something to get the self-esteem, but we lose the point and we lose ourselves. And I'm so passionate about sharing the difference.
Speaker 1:Well, you can tell, so passionate about sharing the difference. Well, you can tell, I mean, in everything that you're doing from you know, the musical that you just talked about, the books, the illustrations, everything your whole heart is on the page. And I'm so sorry that you went through that, with what you went through for those three years. You know, I always believe that everybody has a purpose and that's what we talk about here on the podcast. And it's so amazing that you turned your pain into purpose and you were able to get out of bed. And I'm not sure what happened with you, what happened during those three years. But I would imagine, if anybody and there's many different forms of brokenness, there's all kinds, I mean it could be physical, emotional, spiritual, whatever and if you're down and out and you feel like you aren't making a difference in the world, I can see how that would have really brought you to the point where, hey, this little penny is what brought you out.
Speaker 1:And that's how I actually felt about Paisley as well. I mean the storyline kind of continues right into Paisley. I mean you have an entire movement with Paisley. The quill power movement helps girls stand tall in the world that often try to shrink them. So let's talk about Paisley, because she is this beautiful porcupine. How did Paisley's last quill come about, and how did a porcupine meet fashion?
Speaker 2:Well, here we go again. I think in my life I don't know why I've had so many mystery diagnosis or health situations, but every time I've had them it redirects me. So I had another one, another big scenario, where I was given gadolinium for an MRA. But gadolinium is like mercury, I mean, it's like it's like that toxic thing, it's radioactive. They missed my vein and they put it in my arm. My arm swole up really, really big and that almost took me down. But every time these kind of things happen and that's three times it seems like I go in a different direction.
Speaker 2:And so what I learned from this experience was what it feels like to have one's power taken away and how excruciating that can be, whether it be from the medical industry. That's like not knowing what to do with you and you're just like begging. It's almost like you want to become the best friend to the doctor so that they'll save you, but you have no strength to even have a personality. What do you do? Talk about feeling like you're giving your power away, or a relationship, no matter what it is. We give away our power so many times. So I needed a character, ann. I needed a character that really represented protection.
Speaker 2:And a porcupine is supposed to use their quills to protect themselves, protect themselves. So I imagined this beautiful little porcupine who didn't listen to her momette. She didn't listen to her, you know who was saying use your quills to protect yourself. Instead, she dreamed of being a fashion designer. Because, when you know, I imagine this whole thing.
Speaker 2:When she was little, she would put flowers on her quills and be like you know, like that. But in the animal fashion world she runs into Zivana, and Zivana is a couture diva who only cares. She doesn't care about how any of the animals feels, she's concerned with how they look. And in her world, porcupines must use their quills as pins and give them away so that she can use them to pin up her. You know, over-the-top designs. So with Paisley, it was this whole thing of watching her, or creating her, so that she would give away her quills to the animals, the top models, so that they would feel better about what they were wearing and feel inside better, until she was down to her last quill. And what happens with her last quill is where the magic of reclaiming one's power comes into fruition.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, I mean I loved that. I loved that she got down to her last quill, because actually I feel like that's when we become most beautiful. You know, all she wanted to do was help. You know, hang up the clothes. She wanted to do was help. You know, hang up the clothes, and I love the message. Never become smaller to fit someone else's definition of you. And I have to say that I loved Zavanna, if that's how you say it. You know, the diva boss. I really liked the movie the Devil Wears Prada and I would say that this was pretty spot on. She was the diva boss for sure. Can you talk about her?
Speaker 2:Yes, I can, because she is, you know, like I think that healing. Healing I looked it up, it means whole, and so we have to love every aspect of ourselves. And when I created all the characters, they're every aspect of me, right, it's like a mirror image. So Zivana, to me, represents every person out there, every bully, every person that you come across who wants your power. They want it, but underneath it, I had always imagined that she's so vulnerable. I could imagine she's a geronuke. It's a real animal, and a geronuke has these crazy ears that are kind of like, at least to me. They look like a designer.
Speaker 2:You know, it took me a long time to find her and I imagined that she was bullied as a young Jarenuk and the only thing that she could come up with is let me appear bigger and the biggest and best couture that nature could make. Yeah, and that's who she really is. She really is this like little, little scared animal who's creating something so big and taking away from others so that they wouldn't ever see her vulnerabilities. So she's like, so, so important to the storyline. In fact, the most interesting thing about this whole process, anne, is the mothers would contact me and they'd say, oh, my God, my little daughter. She loves Paisley and she's believing in herself. She loves it so much she's sleeping with it.
Speaker 2:But, but the book? But the thing is is that we need this. This story was just as important for me as it was for my little girl or boy, and so now I'm creating a full-scale musical based on Paisley's last quill, called Paisley the Musical, because I want everybody to go on a journey with these characters, so that they will feel not just words. They'll feel the experience of being a creative or being someone who has a dream, giving away your power and then how we reclaim it.
Speaker 1:And I think that people will have no trouble feeling your books and I'm so glad that you're turning it into a musical, because that's really beautiful. I love musicals, but I also just I want to tell you where I connected with Paisley. I connected with her when she was the most broken, when she only had that one quill. Know, we have done nothing, when we only have a small tiny spark left, when that's where we are, there's just a tiny spark and we could quit or we could try to fire up that last little bit that we have left. That's where I connected with her in that very moment. Can you talk about that moment for her?
Speaker 2:Yes, I mean, like I can. In the musical too, that's like the one of the biggest moments, like in Wicked I love Wicked and when she's singing about gravity and I mean we really feel her passion.
Speaker 1:I cry every time.
Speaker 2:I do too. I do too, and, like you know, anyways, when Paisley is down to her last quill, I have the song that I've created is no One Stood, and that is going to be that. I'm hoping that that has that same emotion for theater goers, because she gives away so much. But really, who's there for her? Now, in the book, you know, she does have Batik. Her friend does come through, but some of the other animals don't. I think that when we are down, like you said, so spot on, when we're down to just a spark, that's all we have. How do we transform that?
Speaker 2:And this is what, for me, in this storyline, this was so important because I needed to give her something magical, and yet something that everybody could do. And so you know it actually took. You know, it took me a year to to create those illustrations, even though I had been award-winning artist for you. I've had many incarnations in my life of different things to do those images and to actually make the outfit and to express her sadness, profound sadness, in the forest, when she's all alone. She's done good all the way through and now she's just left with this one thing to discover how powerful she really is. And like it was my dream and my passion to hope that that one quill would be a symbol to have women, children everywhere say quills up, man. Nobody can take your power away. You don't have to give away your quills to anyone. That's our choice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, one of my other favorite parts of it is when all the other animals come out to help. I mean, isn't that really what we all want? I mean, yeah, we can try to pick it up and go on and do it ourselves, but it's really nice when people really do step up and realize that there's a need in us and they want to help. And it really did help her believe in herself. And when we do that, our dreams come true.
Speaker 1:And if we just keep going, even if we have those Zavanas in our life and we all do like we said, you know, we have those who want us to succeed and those that make it harder for us to succeed, and that's true for everybody.
Speaker 1:True for everybody. It could be your three-year misdiagnosis or it could be a real person, and I've had some of those in my life, unfortunately, that try to hold me back. But this is about believing in ourselves and not looking outward when someone is trying to make us question our worth. And I want to reach out to all the listeners here because I think that every single one of us can relate when there's times that we have those avanas in our life that just don't want us to succeed. And it could be some of those kids out there who have somebody that's putting things out there in social media about some other child and it's really beating them up emotionally, really beating them up emotionally, and it just sickens me how people feel that they have the ability, the right, to be able to put somebody else down and make them feel less than it's so sad.
Speaker 2:It is beyond sad. I mean, like I am a grandmother of four little grandkids and seeing what this world is now compared to when we were kids.
Speaker 2:I mean, you know, being a baby boomer it was a whole different dynamic. There were words that were mean, but nothing like the gang mentality that is going on, and when somebody spots that weakness, they really, really, you know, go for it. The one thing is is that you cannot teach your child like there's nothing you can say when they're getting bullied and bullied and bullied, unless they, unless you can spark their worth, their sense of worth, right. And that is such a challenge for parents out there. That's such a challenge for us as adults, because we do get those slings.
Speaker 2:Take a lot of thought from my standpoint of like wow, sometimes the characters or magical story or song can be the thing that makes us hang on when it feels like we can't step another step. And I'm not just saying words, I have experienced it firsthand. I know how it feels and I sometimes think that well, at least for me, creativity has been my superpower. Everybody has a gift, Everybody has a divine gift that they've been given and if they can somehow move the trauma, let's call it a boulder that's inside them and use the creativity that's coming through them or the gift that they have. Right, there's a lot of healing in that.
Speaker 1:well, I want to talk about that for a minute with my three littles, because I want to say that you are spot on when it comes to creativity and being able to feel important, and you, I think that that's what music and anything creative does art and putting things on paper and creating anything really. I have a son that's autistic and he has DeGeorge syndrome and he's 12, but he's pretty lower functioning and he is not, and he has been bullied, he has been put down. You know, you name it, this kid struggles. He has been put down. You know you name it.
Speaker 2:this kid struggles and he's in drumline now and he is amazing at it, he's really connected with it and he said to me Mama, it makes me feel important, right, I love that yes, or seen, yes, seen, for exactly who they are. Because when we were doing the Luckiest Penny, we worked a lot with SUNY University and we had kids that were on the spectrum, older kids that were actually performing the Luckiest Penny. Okay, and here's what I learned when they were doing the songs, like if you get an actor or an actress, you know they do the songs and it's like, okay, enough of that. Not these kids or adults, they were amazing. They just loved it and the joy, the joy that they shared, like blew my mind. It was like, wow, this is so refreshing. And they got it. They really, really got the whole concept that if a penny, something that was potentially worthless, could be worth that much, then what are they worth? So I understand exactly what you're saying with your son, you know, because there's brilliance in everybody. We just have to uncover where it's at Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean when you are somebody who has disabilities, or when you just feel down and out, whatever it is. It could be from a moment, it could be for years and years, of feeling not any self-worth and there could be a divorce in your family. There could be all kinds of tragedy or trauma that's going on and sometimes it is those little sparks. It is that picking up that Paisley book and seeing that Paisley just has one quill left and she could do it too, you know, and it's seeing that some. It's just feeling that connectedness with somebody, something that went through the exact same thing and you're hurting. It could be any kind of hurt, you know, that's what I really like about your books.
Speaker 1:They're very transformational and it's not just for kids, it's also for adults. I really did connect with them. And you're also doing something really cool that I thought you're creating, not just a stage show but an animated project, because you have this DIY project and also a fashion closet. So I wanted to know more about that. How did the vision grow so big? And I want to know all about that.
Speaker 2:Wow, thank you so much. Well, I am looking for the perfect place for Paisley, and so, because I'm so passionate, I learned how to do AI animation, turn the characters into that, so that I could create songs that really touched children's hearts, and that's where I started. However, and this is where it gets even more interesting, I had so many of my adult friends who I respect and we're talking. We're talking lawyers, ceos, you know, just across the board and they're like we need this, and it got me thinking beyond the animation, even for children, and it was like wait a minute. When I grew up on musicals, I grew up on Carousel and you know South Pacific and all these things, and I would sing those.
Speaker 1:I did, too, all these things and I would sing those songs.
Speaker 2:I did too, you did too. I would sing those songs with glee and they meant something to me, because if I was sad, I'd sing a song that picked me up. If I was happy, I'd sing a song that went along with that, and they were like Deborah. Go for it, even if you have no budget and this is just heart. Go for that musical, because when I watched the Lion King and when I watched Wicked on stage, oh my gosh, those characters spoke to me.
Speaker 2:I seem to love magical realism and there's so many plays and productions out there that are the same, the same kind of thing, and this is totally imaginative and different. So now I am literally not only working on the animated aspect for kids and a potential TV show for them, I'm also working on the full-scale musical for adults, where we come in and what you see behind me is like my concept of what the characters would be wearing and it will just. I mean, it might take a lot of time and I'm even looking for singers, dancers, producers. So if there's anybody out there who's listening, who has these talents and these gifts and they're looking for the perfect vehicle and they actually have those abilities, please look me up, contact me. It feels like it is being given to me from above as a mission where I must get out there and do the best I can to make this happen, because my goal is not to watch the show but to watch the audience and feel like I've touched hearts. And when people have listened to the first couple of songs I've had tears. I mean like right from the song, nothing else, just the song. So I know that the whole idea of giving one's power away, told through magical realism, has legs and I've proved that this concept works through the book and the passion that I put into that. And I must share this, because anybody listening I think this is important.
Speaker 2:The reason I'm doing this is because I have been broken down so many times that I have nothing to lose Sometimes. Sometimes we get so broken and we hurt so much. It's almost like that last quill in us. It's almost like we have a choice Either lay down and die or stand up and give it over to some bigger divine plan and see what happens, see if our intention of what we want to do in the world is bigger than us, and one day I'll be able to come back and report to you, yes, it was, or I gave it my best try and I got out there and I made a difference everywhere that I could, and that was the best I could do I have no words, and I always do.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I mean you can't tell because of my rose-colored glasses that we talked about earlier, but I teared up when you said all that. That was really amazing. I mean, what do you have to lose? Everybody out there can relate to that comment, whether they want to admit it or not, but every single one of us can relate to being that broken, and that's how I felt about this podcast. You know, covid had happened, all these things happened. It got to the point I've got these three littles, all these, and I was like my purpose had changed and I didn't know what I was going to be doing next or if I even had a way to have an outlet, if I could make a difference in the world. I didn't even know if I could anymore, and so there I was, and so we started the podcast, and I can so relate to what it feels like, to that moment when you're like, well, what do I have to lose? That was beautifully said.
Speaker 2:It's the truth. It is the truth. Sometimes I think that. Sometimes I think, gosh, why did I get knocked down so many times? But every single time has made my dream bigger, although, although wait, I must say that there was a space of being broken and not being able to move and feeling as if my life would no longer mean anything, or at least I wanted to. You know, contribute as much as I can while I can.
Speaker 2:So it's never been a quick thing. There's been sometimes months, years of slogging through trying to find my way, but yet every time I come up for air or whatever you want, a spiritual, divine intervention, whatever you would want to call it, it's almost as if the ante goes up. It's like, okay, well, yeah, you did the book Great. You did the musicals for kids Great, all right. Now we're going to keep on going and going and going and I would have no problem contacting anyone, because when you've lived with that kind of fear for all of your listeners, for when you live with it, you have a choice then of like it doesn't matter anymore. I've met fear. I've met the worst of the worst. I've stared it in the face and it almost took me down, and every time I've realized that love is the answer.
Speaker 1:And everything is a stepping stone to where we're going. You know, that's what I hear in your story too. There could be a no, there could be a door closed. No matter what it is, it leads you to the next chapter, and sometimes we don't even really realize that that wasn't the direction we were supposed to go anyway. So now we pivot and it's actually going to be better than it ever was before. So that's what I've had to hold on to, and I really do believe that, if I look back and I'm sure, if you turn around and look in hindsight in your life that everything has led you to where you are right now.
Speaker 2:Not even a question. And I think you said something that I really want to emphasize Not even a question. And I think you said something that I really want to emphasize Pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot is like such a key word. So many people do not want to pivot because they feel like they will fail at something Like, let's say that you're moving in a direction and you're sort of like you're going there and you want to do it and it's like, but then you're, you're banging your head against the wall to prove something to who? And then you know, life has a way of saying, yeah, not, not there over here. Because, like you said, I was doing the animation for kids. Sure, absolutely Sure, I was going to get that TV show because, you know, I've already got the pilot, I've already got 13 segments written, ready to go. But what I realized is I was able to do the music, but I can't alone you know being trying to do all this myself I can't get the characters to speak. So how can I actually do that? The series, which then, of course, then it leads me into the bigger thing, the musical. And who knows, who knows what's going to come first and how it's going to manifest.
Speaker 2:But you also said something really, really important. I don't, sometimes I don't know what the next step is, until it appears, I take a step and I hit a big, gigantic roadblock. It's like, well, what do I do now? And then I'll be scrolling on Facebook and there's the ad right there that says you know that, exactly what that has the thing that I need to go to that next step. But if I hadn't been on that path or that road, I'd never know. And it's so easy, it's so easy to give up.
Speaker 2:And I do want to share something with you. I want to hear if you have any feedback, but I do want to share something that my dad, who's like a Yoda dad, shared with me that I think will be helpful. He told me, like there's a time where, oh man, I was just going through so much. And he says I want to tell you what the quasi emotion, I believe, brings people down every time. I'm like, okay, my dad was kind of, he's a very interesting man, tons and tons of advice, but he said that he thought disappointment was the worst of the worst, and I'm going to tell you why. He said, like, if you are excited that something's going to happen, like right now. I'm really excited about the musical, but then you hit a wall.
Speaker 2:Right, what's happening inside your body before you hit the wall is you've got the endorphins going, you've got the adrenaline going, you've got oxytocin, you've got chemicals in your body that are making you move forward and get excited. You hit a wall. Guess what happens to those chemicals? They dissipate and you say to yourself oh, wait a minute, I really want this, I want to keep on going. So you try again. Once again you turn up. It's almost like you're manufacturing these chemicals. You're manufacturing these chemicals of joy. And again you've got a lot of good things going on.
Speaker 2:And you hit another wall. And guess what happens? The chemicals dissipate Without you knowing or being conscious of the chemical factory that's in your body. You are now having this drop, and this drop feels so bad that a lot of people including myself many times never want to try again, but they don't know why. They don't know why. I mean they know that it felt bad. They feel like a failure. But what's really happening is that drop feels so bad that why try again and have the drop? They flatline for the rest of their lives and they don't try because it hurts so much, and I guess that's where the fake it until you make it comes in. Oh my gosh. You know, it's kind of like that, where you do it anyways even though you're feeling so bad, and this has been one of my greatest challenges and one of my greatest blessings to at least have a dad that was so sage and gave me so much advice about so many things because I think that this is really important for our conversation today.
Speaker 1:Your dad sounds very wise and your mom also. You know, with the creative aspect of it, you must have had a really amazing childhood.
Speaker 2:It sounds like that's led you to this point. Well, my mother and I actually my mother and I had a lot of things going on. It was not the closest relationship at all, because in her day she believed that fame was much more important, or that's where she felt love. Let's call it that. That's where she felt love. But in the end, right now, I think she's one of my biggest angels of all. And my dad, on the other hand, oh my gosh. We could have, we could talk hours and hours, and the advice and suggestions he gave me were so rich, so rich.
Speaker 1:You know, it sounds like, though I mean, and I, we learn from our parents, even if it's the negative aspect of it, and your mom, as she kept looking outward, it sounds to me that you're looking more inward, and that's interesting, because we often, you know, do that from what we learn from our parents, and it's we have to our self-worth. You're a self-worth ambassador.
Speaker 2:Right, because I had to learn it. They always say that we become what we need to learn, and that was the thing I needed to learn more than anything.
Speaker 1:It's interesting that she kept looking for that applause.
Speaker 2:Always and she would take for me, which was the part that would like. You know, she probably models my Zivana more than anybody, oh but, but I learned something huge. You know, this is a story that I don't tell, but I do feel called to tell it for anybody who has a Zivana in their life, because my mom kind of was mine, and when she was in hospice she broke my heart there's so many times I would try to love her and she'd shut me down, shut me out, you know, or whatever would happen. And during hospice I was trying to get her a bed, a comfortable bed, and for whatever reason, we went into one of our fights because I'm trying to do something positive for her and she's rejecting, rejecting, rejecting. And then one day her nurse calls up to me and she says your mom's not going to be here much longer. You really need to reach out.
Speaker 2:And part of me was like, ah, I've been trying with this woman my whole life and really trying to be there right now. I've been trying with this woman my whole life and really trying to be there right now. But I did. I reached out to her and you know what she said to me. She said you must be so angry at me and I'm like angry at you. Why, mom? And she goes. Because here you are trying to do something for me and I can't get it right. And all of a sudden, this mother, who was like you know who, her personality, a very, very big personality, she actually looked like Queen Elizabeth and she went, she had a look, she had lookalikes that were Queen. She was Queen Elizabeth too and actually went to England and her personality was like this for real.
Speaker 2:Okay. But when I heard her say that, she sounded like this little girl who was so hurt her whole life, and you know my heart, just like at the end of her life, she must've told me cause I was with her, holding her hand, and she must've told me 20 times I love you, I love you. She could only whisper, so it was like I love you so many times. She was trying to impart in her last breath everything that she missed while she was alive. And I learned even the person who can sound or be cold, can be rejecting, can take from you the quills. She just, she just probably just felt so unloved her whole life, and you know, and yet in her last breath she was trying to finally impart to me how much I meant to her. And I got it. I got it and that's why I say that she's still my angel.
Speaker 1:You know, maybe she just didn't know how to show it.
Speaker 2:She didn't.
Speaker 1:And it sounds to me like she just kept putting those quills back on you before she left this earth.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, ann, that's so beautiful. That's exactly what she was. I mean, it was so strong that she was trying to do that in her last breath and it really did make all the difference in the world where everything I do now she believed in that penny. She kept on saying, devin, that's the luckiest penny, that's it, that's it, that's what you were born to do. So she would have these moments of you know, I'm right behind you and I love you with everything. And sometimes I'll find pennies and I'm like yeah, mom, I know you got me, and sometimes it's at the time that I need it the most. So I do believe that's another thing. We do have our angels around us that are trying to guide us and trying to be there even when we get so broken down guide us and trying to be there even when we get so broken down.
Speaker 1:What I love about this is so visual for me, and I love that visual of is somebody going to be plucking your quill out? Are they going to be putting it back in? You know, and adding to your strength? You know, there's so many subtle ways that we can give our power away. How can we start taking it back?
Speaker 2:The first thing that and this is the most important thing that I've learned through this whole process I've got this movement called Quills Up and essentially it just all it means is just take your power back. I thought people took our power. It's not true. We give away our power willingly. We want something so badly. For my mom, it was to be seen. You know, she wanted to family to really understand and be behind me, but they couldn't because of the misdiagnosis and everything that transpired.
Speaker 2:There's so many things that happen to us where it's like I'll give you part of myself, will you love me now? I mean, I hate to say it that way, but that's the truth. And so we willingly take those quills, take our power and say here, I'll do this, do you let me now? And you know what A lot of times we get the opposite. We give so much and instead of them being there, it's like ah, I've got somebody there that's a willing participant, let me take more. Until one day we wake up and we realize, looking to somebody else to give me love, as I had mentioned before, so that I can love myself, let me fill myself, let me find it some way, some shape, some form to love myself enough where I don't need anybody to fill me up. I'm full and this, you know, might take us a lifetime to learn these techniques, to do it, and for everybody I think it's a little bit different. But creativity and finding our gift, I think that's our superpower.
Speaker 1:So many times we want other people to define us. Isn't that crazy that we want others to define who we are and we allow their definitions to make us feel good or bad instead of just own who we are? I really appreciate your message. You know, when I talked earlier, we all have to start somewhere and when I started the podcast, when you're doing this and it's scary, it can be very scary you left corporate to become your own voice in the movement and pouring your passion into kids in these musicals and I'm sure that that was a scary leap. We talked about pivoting. Can you talk about pivoting and taking that leap, no matter how scary it is?
Speaker 2:When I started corporate, ann, I was such a sensitive little girl and so I was kind of like, I'll show you, let me show you what I can do. And that's why I got into corporate, and even with the Universal and Disney people, although I did love that. But one of the things that I realized, I never smiled when I was in corporate. It wasn't my gift, my gift I went to in college, I went to school for art and got a D, a D in art, and I became an award-winning artist, by the way, but I got a D and I got an A in marketing. So it was like what? That's the direction that society told me that I could achieve. Because art is, you know, like if you look at a Picasso, I mean, and think that that's worth millions of dollars, but if you went to your child's school and you saw that on the wall, you would say, oh yeah, that's nice.
Speaker 2:It's worth millions. Who said that Picasso is worth millions? So I think with me, I just keep on getting redirected by these health challenges and I think that when I really go to my heart. Another thing my dad said to me is he said, when you're little, that's when you know who you are, that's when you know what you should be doing. Whatever you're doing naturally is who you are supposed to be in the world. So for me, I was a natural social worker, always concerned with my friends, you know, making sure they were okay. I loved that. I absolutely loved that. And I was an artist. And so here I am in corporate trying to mold myself and show everybody hey, look at how important I am, because I had learned that from my mom. And then everything that redirected me, made me pivot, brought me closer to who I was really, really meant to be. And I know that there's so many you know people out there, and potentially your listeners, who are doing what they, that society, has defined for them, because it's too scary to be themselves and to get out there and to like, like for you to take the chance with the podcast, but sometimes it is beyond, uh, uh, it's almost like you're required to move in that direction. You have no other choice, once again, because you don't want to look at your life at the end of your life and regret it.
Speaker 2:There's a story that I love, love, love to tell, and it was done by the Angel movie Now I can't even think of the name of it Touched by an Angel, okay, okay, there's this guy that has Lou Gehrig's and he just feels like well, he is going to die. And the angel comes. And the angel says he is going to die. And the angel comes and the angel says you're going to die tonight. And he was an artist and he created these magnificent artwork that was going to feed his family for the rest of their lives. And she said on the night he was going to die. You have a choice you can finish the painting that you created so that your family can survive, or you can read a story to your two little children. So it's really a quandary. So he decides to read the book, of course, for his children, and so he does that.
Speaker 2:The next day the agent comes and the painting has a tarp over it and the agent is like, okay, well, let me see the finished painting, because I know that that will mean so much to your family. And the wife, who's like totally grieving, is like I'm so sorry he wasn't able to finish it. And the agent's like, well, let me see it, you never know, Maybe there's something we can still do. So she takes the tarp and pulls it off and of course, it's touched by an angel and so the painting is all completed. And they say whatever you started, God will complete for you.
Speaker 2:And that segment has stayed with me. I share it all the time because it actually gives me hope that, no matter what I start, it's not my job to complete it, it's just my job to put as much love in it as I possibly can. And that's what you're doing with your podcast. And that's what I're doing with your podcast and that's what I'm doing with my musical. It's like I don't know how far I'm going to get with this dream of having something to the scale of Wicked, but I'm on the road and God will complete it.
Speaker 1:That is amazing because he will be faithful to complete it.
Speaker 2:That's what it says right, yes, that's what it says.
Speaker 1:And all we have to do is trust. We have to do the work. I used to work in a jail and the women would sit. I was one of the ministers in the jail and they would say you know well, your God isn't doing anything for me. Nothing is happening. I'm doing everything I can, I'm praying and praying and nothing is happening. And I'm like I'm doing everything I can, I'm praying and praying and nothing is happening. And I'm like, well, what are you doing? What are you doing? And if we get it started and if we meet him halfway at least, you know he will go the rest of the way and he will give us the tools. I actually know somebody in my life right now who keeps trying to go to get help and she keeps saying you know well, nothing is helping me. We are given the tools. We are, but it's up to us to pick them up and use them.
Speaker 2:I mean, it is just so powerful. He will always be there, be able to sit with that and really hear people that are that despondent and just really feeling like you know, hey, but I'm not being hurt, and that I think that of all things hurts the most, right, because it's sort of like I'm doing all this and I don't see how it's coming together. I have one more, one more favorite story that I could share. Okay, so this story, all these little stories I guess I love stories because they're the things that touch my heart the most and I carry with me and share everywhere that I can.
Speaker 2:I heard this story about this little girl who watches her mother, who's doing this needle point, and she's watching her mother, but she can only see from underneath, right. So she's looking from her side and she's looking at the needlepoint and she sees like all these knots and dark colors, like black, and you know threads from it. She's like, mom, what are you doing? Why are you spending so much time on this? And she's like don't worry, I'll show you, it's going to be beautiful. And the daughter comes back a little bit later and she sees more knots and more you know really dark colors and she's like but Mom, I don't get it. And she's like well, just come back, I'll show you.
Speaker 2:So finally, the little girl comes back and the mother takes the needlework and she reveals it to her daughter. And her daughter sees this beautiful image of a lake or a pond and mountains and all these beautiful colors, and she's like oh, and so this is what we see from underneath. We look up and we go God, what have you done with my life? It's a mess. Look at all the dark colors and the knots. It's a freaking mess. But one day we sit on the lap of God and we see what has been created and we go that's what my life was, why that's beautiful.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing that. It's really special. I love that you're full of stories.
Speaker 2:Full.
Speaker 1:Well, they're very touching. I just want to ask you and then we'll close, but I am really curious. I mean, so you write the songs, right, and you illustrate and you write all of the books and everything. Write all of the books and everything. I mean it just must be this creative dance in your brain all the time, am I right? I mean, are you just constantly creating? I mean this, you are so talented.
Speaker 2:Thank you. But I truly believe and I think any real creative person will tell you this it's channeled through me, when the clearer I am, the more of the trauma that I move out of me, out of my body. It's just channeled through and sometimes, like with some of the music I'm working, you know, with some of the stories I do work with artists and with some of the music I do work with musicians. So it's not all me, it's just. Maybe the intention is so strong that sometimes things will just drop in. For the luckiest penny I'm not a musician and yet the melodies would drop in, the lyrics would drop in, it would just like be. And there they are collaborating with people For the musical.
Speaker 2:The musical is such that I don't know that I could come up with the kind of brilliance that I see with the songs in Wicked. But I have all of the pieces that I'm putting together and bringing together, and that's why I'm still looking for the perfect collaborators for that. But I think that I was born this way. I was born to be a storyteller, whether it's my stories or somebody else's, or a story collector. I'm a story collector. I collect those stories that have changed my life or everything that I've shared today has been at a pivotal point where maybe I didn't know how to hold on. And then I heard that story and it was enough, because it wasn't somebody just saying get over it, think positive. It was something that I could believe, and anytime I can believe something, that's power.
Speaker 1:Yeah, every single. When we were talking earlier about getting to where we are in pivots and all that other stuff and what you just said, everything arrives just on time, and that's what it's all about, and just moving forward. When we're ready, when we're ready, the next step will arrive, we'll be able to see it and that's when we'll be able to take it, because it's right on time. Before we close, I want to ask you how people can get a hold of you.
Speaker 2:The best way is, if you have kids, the best way is through the selfworthinitiativenet, so it's wwwselfworthinitiativenet and that has all my books and a lot about me. If you're interested in the musical, you're a singer, you're a dancer, you're a producer, you're an investor, anything the best way to get in touch with me is paisleysfashionforestcom and I actually have a page on there where you can. If you're a singer, just put down. I'm a singer, I'm interested in what you're doing. Boy am I talented and this has been a dream of mine and I will definitely get back to you or whoever you are, or just somebody who's really interested in musicals and wants to see. Can she make it? Follow me, you know, I really do respond to everybody. And then, of course, on social media, just look up Deborah Weed and you can find me on Facebook and Instagram.
Speaker 1:I believe in your mission, so hopefully people can help come on board if somebody feels led to definitely do that. Deborah Weed is part dreamer, part dream weaver, part self-worth warrior and 100% magic. Whether you're down to your last quill or wondering if your worn edges still shine, let paisley and that lucky little penny remind you your worth isn't up for negotiation. So quills up, friends. The world needs your sparkle and, as we always say on real talk with tina and ann, there is purpose in the pain and hope in the journey. Thank you for listening and we will see you next time you are such a wordsmith.
Speaker 2:I love what you say. You really capture the heart of what I'm trying to do. Thank you so much, Anne.
Speaker 1:Oh well, thank you, and it's beautiful what you're doing.
Speaker 2:I believe in it. It's interesting to be a guest on podcasts because you know a lot of them haven't come out yet, but meeting different hosts. But, man, when I look at you I'm like you're the real deal. You know, like real talk. You're the real deal. Your heart is showing.
