Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Tina and Ann met as journalists covering a capital murder trial, 15 years ago. Tina has been a tv and radio personality and has three children. Ann has a master's in counseling and has worked in the jail system, was a director of a battered woman's shelter/rape crisis center, worked as an assistant director at a school for children with autism, worked with abused kids and is currently raising her three children who have autism. She also is autistic and was told would not graduate high school, but as you can see, she has accomplished so much more. The duo share their stories of overcoming and interview people who are making it, despite what has happened. This is more than just two moms sharing their lives. This is two women who have overcome some of life's hardest obstacles. Join us every Wednesday as we go through life's journey together. There is purpose in the pain and hope in the journey.
Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Right On Time: Growth that Waits for Safety
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What if you’re not behind at all—you’re right on time for a life that finally feels like yours? We dive into nonlinear living and redefine progress as capacity, not speed. Instead of chasing milestones and highlight reels, we talk about the quiet work that actually changes us: noticing overwhelm sooner, asking for help before the breaking point, and choosing rest without guilt.
Together we unpack how grief, trauma, neurodivergence, and caregiving ignore schedules and why that’s not a failure, it’s honesty. We share real stories—from moving the family’s music and gaming spaces to be closer, to finding laughter in a difficult caregiving season—that show how small, ordinary moments become anchors. You’ll hear why comparison erases crucial context, how “late blooming” is growth that waited for safety, and why some friendships can’t travel with you through certain seasons. We also get practical about boundaries, saying no to misaligned opportunities, and protecting the peace that lets deeper healing take root.
If you’ve ever felt pressure to perform your progress or explain your timeline, this conversation offers permission and a path back to yourself. There’s no finish line on becoming; there’s only honest attention to what your body and life can hold today. Invisible growth won’t trend, but it transforms: trusting your inner voice, releasing shame, staying present when escape would be easier. Listen, breathe, and let your pace be your own. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs permission to slow down, and leave a review to help others find this conversation.
Nonlinear Living: Ditching Timelines
SPEAKER_00Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne. I am Tina.
SPEAKER_02And I am Anne. We are going to be talking about something different today, about non-linear living, living without a timeline. I mean, what if everything we did was right on time?
SPEAKER_00What if we could remove feeling late to land that job or to start a family or our dream? Those invisible timelines we or others put on us to be healed, successful, fully grieved, fully over life's traumas or difficulties. You can insert whatever speaks to you, living life without comparison and just fully being who we are right on time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I've had this exact conversation with someone recently. There is so much pressure to be in a certain place in our life, but life is not a straight line. Oh my gosh, is it not? If life is so nonlinear, why do we expect to reach life's goals or expectations in any linear fashion?
SPEAKER_00Isn't that such a good question? It's one we could really stop and pause and reflect on for quite some time. Well, let's talk about then progress, because progress doesn't always look like constant forward motion. We've been taught to believe maybe that progress is always visible, that it moves in one direction ahead, that if you're healing, things should steadily get better. But real growth doesn't always work that way.
Redefining Progress And Healing
SPEAKER_02Healing is just not a straight line. Progress doesn't look like constant forward motion. Grief, trauma, and neurodivergence do not follow schedules. The myth of closure and being over it does not work on anyone's schedules.
SPEAKER_00So I think progress often looks like maybe two steps forward, one step back. Maybe feeling strong one day and fragile the next. I know that's pretty much me in a nutshell. Um, understanding that something intellectually long before your body catches up, or revisiting the same pain, but with slightly more compassion each time. That's not failure, it's integration.
SPEAKER_02It's just so beautifully said. Sometimes progress looks like resting instead of pushing. Sometimes it looks like saying no instead of powering through. Sometimes it looks like noticing that you're overwhelmed sooner than you used to be. I mean, those kind of things matter. And a lot of people think healing means you stop feeling, but more often healing means that you recover faster, that you don't abandon yourself when it hurts, then you recognize patterns without being ruled by them, that you choose differently, even when it's uncomfortable. And that's not stagnation, that's strength being built quietly.
SPEAKER_00And I think I've said this before on a previous episode, but feeling is healing. And I truly believe that. So some days we're strong, we feel like superwoman. And then there are days where we're softer, more tender, not as tough. And I just want to say this clearly that's not regression. It's not backsliding, it's simply being human. We are not meant to be strong in the same way all the time. And honestly, Superwoman isn't even real. She's a made-up character in a movie. So we're not failures because we can't live at that level 24-7. I think a big reason that all of this feels confusing is in large part because of social media. We are constantly comparing our lives to everyone else's highlight reels. We compare our hard seasons to someone else's best moments, or we compare the chapter that we are in in our lives to a completely different season of someone else's life. And I think that that's where we can get into trouble. But here's the cool thing: this is your one life. You don't get a duplicate, you don't get a rehearsal. You get to choose how you spend it and what matters to you, what you say yes to, what you protect. And you don't need anyone else's permission or opinion to live it well.
Social Media, Comparison, And Context
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, I'm older than you, and there were many times in my life where especially living with disabilities, that I was behind my peers. But I want to tell you that we all end up in the same place regardless of age or pace. And that is where we are supposed to be. I found my voice later in life. I mean, I have emotionally been behind. I have discovered myself later in life, which I am so proud of myself. And every single part of my life has led me to the next chapter. And it is just allowing, you know, it's an allowing of what's next, a giving permission and an acceptance of where we are and letting go of comparisons, of being okay where we are in order to go forward, putting the social media down and just be where we are. And I don't know why we do that. I think we are so much more into picking up the phone when we're in social situations or really anywhere that we are. And I think it might have to do somewhat with just trying to escape. I mean, there's just so much going on in the world, and I think it helps us escape. I don't know, but just putting them down and be where we are, enjoying where we are without feeling like we need to be on the same paths as the person next door. No one has lived your experiences. No one has started from your exact place. No one has factored all of your genetics and environments to compare to. So we should just accept that we are where we are and go from there.
SPEAKER_00And I love that allowing what's next, giving yourself permission. I think that's huge. That's so important because when we stop fighting where we are, we actually free up the energy to move forward. And I think that's the piece that maybe we don't talk about enough. There's no universal timeline on becoming yourself. There's no age where you quote, should have figured it out. There's no peace that means you're doing it right. Imperfect progress is still progress. And every path is shaped by things we don't see, like health, loss, love, trauma, support, privilege, resilience. So comparison doesn't just steal joy, it erases context. And when we let go of that, when we stop measuring ourselves against someone else's life, we get to actually inhabit our own. That's where peace shows up. That's where clarity shows up. And that's the era I'm in now, truthfully. Peace is a great place to be.
SPEAKER_02You know, I've been feeling more peace lately, um, like just with myself. Not necessarily about the world or different other things like that. But I have been giving myself permission to be at peace, to not have to constantly be moving. And I'm so proud of myself because I don't think that I've ever done that before. But we don't bloom late. We bloom after the ground finally became what it needed to be in order to grow.
SPEAKER_00I love that. And you know what? I can tell that you are just more happy and calm. Not that you weren't happy before, but when you allow yourself just some space, other things can grow. You know, we don't have to fill it all the time with what the world thinks we need. And you're right, I don't feel the peace with the world right now, but I do feel it with myself and my my little family. And my family's really enjoying just time being together and at home. And we're really talking a lot here about social media and just electronic time in general and use and how there's more than that. It's about connection. So I think that um you're right, we just we all bloom right on time, right when we're supposed to. And the rest of it is all context.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, my younger son, um, he wanted, he loves music just like I do. We're big music people. And he's like, you know, let's, and I have had the my records, my vinyl, you know, and all that stuff tucked away. And he's just like, let's get it out, you know. So we made a space in his game room for it, and it's so I don't know, it's brought another piece back to me. I think because we just sit in front of the record player together and we just listen to records. And I don't know, it just it just brings just such a joy to my heart for to bring that into my life now. Isn't it simple things that can bring so much joy? It yeah, it it's it's bringing an extra layer of peace, I think. And I don't know why, I don't know why we don't, we just are so in the busy and in the crazy that sometimes I think that we just can't see just something as simple as that can bring about a piece that we just didn't even expect.
SPEAKER_00You know what I love is even when my boys are doing their electronic time, yeah. We all end up wanting to be together. It's actually really quite cute. I've really noticed that over the last few months, and I think it's sweet.
Peace, Presence, And Family Moments
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I've moved all of their gaming stuff on the same level as us. So they have actually their same room. I converted what was used to be our dining room, and now it's their gaming room, and now the music room and things like that, because I don't want them to be downstairs when they're doing those things. I want us to be on the same level and we can all see each other while we're doing our thing. And I I just love that. I do too. Well, Ann, let's talk a little bit about progress. Yeah, progress is not momentum, it's capacity. Progress is not about how fast we've moved, it's about how much we can hold at a time. How much discomfort can we hold without numbing? And I've been, you know, I I have done that. Everyone is different.
SPEAKER_00Speed, I think, gets praise, but capacity gets built. And building capacity takes time, it takes safety, it takes honesty. And to me, that's real progress. So maybe the question is not why am I not moving faster? Maybe it's what am I learning to carry right now? And can I honor that instead of judging it or even wishing it away? So I think some seasons ask us to be brave and others ask us to be tender. But you know what? Both of them require strength, both expand capacity, and neither one is a step backward. And this is where I think comparison really breaks down because you can't see someone else's capacity, you only see output, and growth happens in those unseen places.
SPEAKER_02So, when do we let go and ask for help? That is one that is also very different for everyone. Sometimes we feel like asking for help is a weakness, and feeling whatever it is that we are feeling can actually feel weak. And this is about giving permission again. But I think that the main point to this is that we are where we are supposed to be no matter what. Yes.
SPEAKER_00Now, sometimes I think asking for help isn't about timing, it's about safety, I think is one reason. So we ask when we finally feel safe enough to be seen where we are. And to me, again, that's growth. So personally, I have noticed at times that when I ask for help, it's usually when I'm at my most vulnerable and when I'm at the end of my rope, as the saying goes. And I'm learning maybe that waiting that long is not strength. It's instead a signal that I've been carrying too much on my own. And so I think a lot of us do this. We wait until we're breaking, until we're mentally exhausted. We don't ask for help when we're calm. We ask when we're out of capacity. And that realization has taught me something about how much I've carried alone or been carrying alone. And maybe we don't need to be stronger. Maybe we need to ask for help sooner.
SPEAKER_02And I don't mean to disown men here, but I'm just gonna, because I think women, I think we do this so much more. I mean, I'm not, you know, men do it. I'm just we have we we take on everybody's else's needs in the family, our friends at work. Yes, and ourselves. And if you really think about it in a visual sense and you try to think of how much that we are carrying on our back. And even when you feel like the slightest little bit of load come off, you just don't realize how heavy it was until after the fact. And I think that that is just so important that for us to be able to maybe tune into that while it's happening instead of in hindsight.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think you are spot on. Sometimes I feel like the Grinch with that big bag, you know, that's behind him that he's carrying, or maybe that Max is pulling. And just one by one, it's like, no, I need to let something go. I I can no longer carry this, it's not serving me in any way, or someone else needs to pick it up. Yeah.
Capacity Over Speed: A New Metric
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I do think that we need to not feel like we need to explain where we are in whatever phase that we're in. We don't owe that to anyone, whether it be grief or transforming, or in a job, or in having a family, or, you know, if we want to start dating again, or when we should be over anything, we don't owe any explanations. And I used to feel that I did, you know, as an autistic individual, I went from not really sharing that much to being an oversharer. And like, I'll just start talking. And it's just like, oh, wait a second, you know, maybe I shouldn't be sharing all of this information with this person that I don't really know that well, you know, or something like that. And I just, it's like a script. I start and I just go and I say the same things. And I've really been trying to pay attention to what I'm sharing with who, you know, and if I really want to share this information with them. So I've really been taking a more of a conscience, conscious effort with that.
SPEAKER_00I think that's growth again. You know, you you see it. I've I've been an oversharer at times in my life too, and I'm really reeling it in. I know who my core is, and that's who I'm gonna share those deeper things with. And, you know, it kind of ties into the next thing I I was gonna talk about, how I I for me, the older I get, the less I feel the need to explain things, whether it be timing, whether it be what I'm doing, uh, or I just I'm starting to, and I don't mean it in the sense it might come off, but I'm starting to care less. I don't care what the people who think what people think about me who don't know me well. It doesn't matter to me anymore. You can love me or you can dislike me, and I don't care. What I care about is my family, my core group who know me and know my heart. The rest of it doesn't matter anymore. But here's the thing: so peace has replaced permission. And I am learning something in this season about peace and permission in regard to friendships. So some friendships don't survive certain seasons, and I'm I'm in one now, especially the hard ones. And it's okay to grieve friendships that are still here, but not what you thought they would be. Some people simply, and I don't have the reasons why, and I don't really fully understand it, but some people can't show up in hard seasons, and that doesn't make them bad, but it does change the relationship. And instead of hardening or blaming, I'm I'm learning to grieve what was, accept what is, release any expectation, and just keep walking with the people who want to walk with me now, and letting go of resentment, making room for the right connections to stay. And those are my people.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they do change over time, don't they? I mean, we think that, you know, these are our solids, you know, and they're ride or dies. And, you know, they do change, and it has to be okay because it really is okay. And, you know, it's sometimes a revolving door where somebody goes, but another person is revealed. And I think that, you know, like you and I, we we've got our core, you know, and you're one of mine, and you will always probably be one of mine. Um, and it's the people that we really trust and feel safe with, which it goes back to that word safe. And I think that that is just so important. Yeah. I uh I want to touch on something that you said earlier because, and it has to do with actually the podcast. And I am really proud of myself when it comes to this. I really wanted to talk about this because with the podcast comes a lot of responsibility. And when we first started and all the guests started and things like that, I felt more of a need to say yes, try to work people into the podcast no matter how it, you know, I was really trying to make it work. And I would say 99% of our guests have been right on, right on with who we are. Um, I get probably three or four messages a day from publicists and different people, uh, even individual people that are trying to convince me to have them on. And uh I have been saying no more often, and I am really proud of myself because we've established who we are. And I just love that we know who we are, and that that's a part of it too. It's knowing who we are and knowing what boundaries to set up to maintain who you are. I just thought that that was really important.
SPEAKER_00I think it is important too, and sometimes saying no is really the best yes for you.
Asking For Help And Setting Boundaries
SPEAKER_02I never was able to say no before, and I feel so like you know, we're a uh a really great podcast. I really believe in who we are, and so in um I'm more apt to say no now because of who we are and what we've established, what we've grown to. And I'm really proud of that. So, I mean, somebody really has written me back and forth like five times, and they just keep trying to convince me why they should be on. And I've let them know in a very professional way my stance on things and why I felt that they shouldn't be. And they said, Well, but yes, but this would be a great platform for us to have this disagreement.
SPEAKER_00And I was like, and I really we do.
SPEAKER_02That's that was really Yeah, I did think about it. Um, but I don't want to give them a platform. So I was like, no, this is our platform. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Yeah. I love it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Anyway, back to this. But I really just wanted to share that because it's really been growth within the podcast itself. And I've just been so proud of where we are now.
SPEAKER_00So well, and you take on 98% of the load. So I'm proud of you. This is your podcast. I am happy that I get to be a part of it.
SPEAKER_02It's ours. And I will never ever just say that it's mine. It is ours. It is not um uh what we are without Tina. So anyway, yeah, I well, I do. I love you, and that's why this works. Uh, most of these things that we are talking about, even with what I just shared, all of it is internal, and there's no external measure, and there doesn't need to be.
SPEAKER_00We're gonna keep reiterating that forward motion is not always the goal. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is just stay. Stay with the feeling, stay with the conversation, stay present when we would rather escape. Stay kind to yourself when you're disappointed. That's not standing still. I would think of it as rewiring.
SPEAKER_02Tina, sometimes the hardest thing to do is to stay because we feel like we have to be moving. But I've learned to give myself permission to sit in the moment, sit in front of the record player, to maybe have more time before I go into a conversation, to stay in the moment when I want to run from, to stay in the emotion instead of tell myself that it's time to move on. And I have to tell my own self that it's okay to give myself breath, myself time, whatever amount of time that that is, just be, and there is no timeline for that.
SPEAKER_00And you know, sometimes if you feel like when you're staying, it is a hard, messy place. And sometimes it is. It's where so much growth can happen if we let it. So the example is with my mom. I'm a secondary caregiver for her at least once a week, if not twice or more. I take care of her. And I think that being a caregiver is really one of, I guess, the last ways that you can really show unconditional love. And in this hard, messy place, I've also been so proud of me, my children, my husband, my dad, um, gosh, even my mom. And if we let it, there's some real growth that can happen. Um, there's a children's book by Lisa Turkist that we have here, and it talks about how a seed has to sit in the dark, messy soil before it can grow into something beautiful. And I think if we can have that analogy, and even though that place is hard, it's so worth it. And the beauty will come from that soil.
SPEAKER_02I really love that. And I just love how your family is all growing together, even in one of your darkest times.
Friendship Shifts And Safe Circles
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's I think that it's important, you know. My kids, not only are they seeing me and how I handle it, and I'm very, very proud of me. I mean, I truly, truly am. There are times I want to quit. I don't want to stay, but I stay anyway because I understand that I will learn and grow, even though it's hard and I don't like it, and I wish it was different. But my children also give me a different perspective. You know, they they want to go over and see grandma and grandpa, and they want to help, and they laugh at the little things. Currently, for those who don't know, my mom has early on said Alzheimer's, we're in year six, she's 65 years old. We are in the very almost end, end, end stage. And so if we get a couple words out of her, it's beautiful for us. And so the funniest thing is my husband, no matter what, can get her to smile and talk. And we can't figure it out. She will just smile at him and he'll say, I love you, and she'll say, I love you too. And we all just go, so then we all try, Mom, I love you. She told me, Thank you. She told one of my other boys, don't say or don't say that again, or something like that. It's so Oh my gosh, that's so funny. Yes. And then my husband, my husband says to her, I love you, and holds her hand and I love you. And she smiles back. And my dad and I, we are all just laughing. And my middle son is like, Stop fighting over grandma. So now our thing is to see who can get the I love you. But see, they they bring out, even my husband, such a special part in this hard time where we can still find, you know, a way to laugh together. And uh sometimes mom even gets a laugh in too.
SPEAKER_02Maybe she thinks he's cute.
SPEAKER_01He is cute.
SPEAKER_02I know, but maybe she like has this feeling like, oh, he's he's cute and he's telling me he loves me. I don't know. That's so awesome.
SPEAKER_00So funny. We we just he and he just looks at me like ha ha, you know, I got the I love you, and you didn't. Oh my gosh, that's something. That's something that we just we just giggle about now. So a little bit of joy, if you will, in a really hard and awful season. But again, being in a hard, messy place, there's something you can learn if you let it.
SPEAKER_02Well, everyone, and I mean everyone, has a different timeline, like we've been saying, and society measures success wrong. Some growth does not show up as achievement, it just shows up as peace, as Tina has been saying. You know, that's so true. And living in a culture that rewards what can be seen can make that really hard to notice. I mean, there's numbers and titles and milestones, before and after photos, announcements that fit neatly into a caption. If it can be measured, tracked, posted, or proven, it tends to get the spotlight. But some of the most meaningful growth in a human life neat leaves no evidence behind. We've been taught that productivity equals worth. What did you accomplish? What did you finish? What did you produce today?
SPEAKER_00I'm still stuck on growth, meaningful growth in a human life leaves no evidence behind sometimes. Yeah, it's a it's a deep inner thing. And all I can think of is just peace, peace, peace. And the more I'm at peace, the more I guess the happier, grateful. I don't know. There's just something to that piece. Well, you know, we we talk about this, and again, productivity doesn't always show up on a resume. It doesn't get applause. And yet it's the foundation of real connection and real healing that happens on the inside sometimes, you know, where you cannot see it. So you can be incredibly productive and completely absent. You can check every box and still feel disconnected from your own life. Presence doesn't move fast, it doesn't impress systems, but it changes people. And maybe we've been measuring the wrong things.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. One of the most damaging things that we learn is how to look okay. We learn to smile, we say, I'm fine, to keep functioning. You know, we just keep showing up, and society rewards that you're praised for being strong, admired for pushing through, respected for not needing anything. But healing isn't about appearing okay, it's about being honest. I think there's a Taylor Swift song about that somewhere.
SPEAKER_00Really? Oh, okay. I'm sure there is. Yes, yes, just talking about, you know, oh, I'm supposed to just smile through it, you know. Anyway, I I I really thought of that song as you said that because there's so funny good that you just mentioned in there. I think we're taught the wrong things. I I there are times where you have to be strong and and not show, I guess, your feelings, but at some point you do need to get them out so that you can you can start to heal.
SPEAKER_02Well, that honest part is you don't have to be, and I'm not saying not be honest with other people. Um, you don't have to tell them. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, you're right. Healing often looks like this maybe crying after holding it together for years or admitting you're not coping as well as people think, slowing down when everyone expects you to speed up, choosing rest instead of resilience, saying this hurts without wrapping it up in a joke. From the outside, maybe that looks like regression, but from the inside it's liberation.
SPEAKER_02No one claps when you don't text back someone who drains you, when you set a boundary that you used to betray yourself to avoid, when you stop explaining your trauma to people who haven't earned it, when you notice a trigger sooner than you used to, and when you choose not to react.
Staying With Hard Feelings
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna clap. I'm gonna clap because I have done all of those things. I have worked in these hard, messy places, and absolutely, if that's you two, you give yourself a round of applause. I know.
SPEAKER_02I have a hurt finger, so I can't really clap the way it would normally clap. I'm E.T. See? Anna's E.T. Yes, Tina has pointed out to me that it looks like E.T.'s, and you have to go on YouTube if you want to see it. Um, but yeah, I have injured myself. But yes, clapping for um where we are now. We we have come so far.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes. You know, there's no photo for learning to trust yourself, releasing shame, sitting with grief without numbing, forgiving yourself, outgrowing survival patterns. This kind of growth doesn't come with a highlight reel, like maybe you'd see on social media. These kinds of changes are much bigger and better because they're life-changing.
SPEAKER_02What if success looked like feeling safe in your own body, knowing when to stop, trusting your inner voice, being honest instead of impressive, living with integrity, not urgency. What if growth wasn't about becoming more, but becoming truer? That kind of success doesn't trend, but it transforms.
SPEAKER_00It should trend because I think we'd all be a lot happier. Some of the most important growth in your life will never be visible.
SPEAKER_02You are the only person who needs to see or recognize your growth. And most of the time, that is in hindsight when we look back and see where we were 20 years ago, but did not even see the growth when it was happening.
SPEAKER_00That is so true. Some growth is only visible once we're far enough away to see it. It is really neat for me to go down memory lane and think of how I would handle something now so much differently than I did 10, 15, 20 years ago, and how that wouldn't bother me now, but boy, it sure did back then. Yeah. Hindsight should be a blessing.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, absolutely. This is why people prefer performance over taking time to do you or heal. You know, why performance gets praised in healing often goes quiet. Healing slows things down, performance keeps things moving, healing asks questions, performance avoids them. Healing changes boundaries, performance maintains appearances.
SPEAKER_00Our culture doesn't always know what to do with someone who says, I'm not okay, and I'm not going to pretend I am. Boy, do I feel this to my core. So instead, you praise the people who just keep functioning even when they're falling apart quietly. But functioning is not the same as being well. You can be incredibly high-functioning and still be deeply unhealed.
SPEAKER_02You are speaking so much truth right here. Healing doesn't rush, and neither should you.
SPEAKER_00This is permission to let go of these imaginary deadlines you may have. Let your nervous system, your needs, your pain, and just be on time for the version of you that finally feels safe when you feel safe enough to be that person. I read something recently that sort of stopped me in my tracks. A woman shared that she loved her husband deeply, but for a long time she didn't want to be touched. And she realized it wasn't about him at all. It was about her nervous system being overwhelmed from things she hadn't fully processed yet. And that really resonated with me because it reminded me that disconnection doesn't always mean lack of love. Sometimes it's our bodies asking for safety or rest or healing in realizing that doesn't mean we're broken. It means there's something worth paying attention to.
SPEAKER_02I mean, that just makes so much sense to me, what you just said.
Caregiving, Grief, And Small Joys
SPEAKER_00And I feel like as a mom in general, there may be times where, yes, I love my husband and I love my kids so much, and I love to give hugs and get them from them. But also I don't want to be hung on and clinged to and made to feel like that's all that there is going to be happening, if if that's making sense. Like I don't want my husband to be thinking, you know, that the touch will, this touch will lead to this. And I don't want my kids then to constantly hang on me. Like sometimes I'm just overwhelmed and I just need a little bit of breathing room, you know?
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Yes. So let's go back to timelines. Again, you don't need to explain your timeline to anyone. You don't need to prove your progress. You don't have to move forward out loud. You do not have to perform or catch up to anyone. You are building something that lasts, and that takes time on your own time.
SPEAKER_02You know, we want to just throw out some quotes. You know how we are at Real Talk with Tina and Ann, and we love our quotes. So you know, yeah, I there's quite a few. Well, like six or seven or whatever that we were thinking of seven. Six, seven, yeah. Six, seven. Yeah, we can't say that. I should have known. I should have known. Yes. I I said something earlier today, and what's in yeah, my son automatically just starts doing that. So it's I love it.
SPEAKER_00It's so sweet and innocent. It's fun. Nothing. So it's fun. I'm on board.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I am too. And what I love about it is that everybody knows about it. Everybody's on board with it. So that kind of makes it more fun. There was an official that I saw during an NFL game that had to say 6'7, and he went like this during his, you know, and it was it was hilarious. That's great. Um, so healing doesn't move in a straight line, it circles, pauses, doubles back, and still counts.
SPEAKER_00I would say that defines me. And I feel like for a lot of you, it might define you as well. Again, healing, it's not like, oh, okay, I feel like I've healed from this, and now I will never have to experience that feeling again. Unfortunately, it does come back in certain things when you're maybe triggered or a memory comes up, and it's okay. So you're right, it circles, pauses, doubles back, still counts. That's great. How about on comparison? The moment we compare our healing to someone else's, we stop listening to our own body. Isn't that good? It really is.
SPEAKER_02That's a good one. Because it's true. It is. We are more focused outward instead of inward. That's one too. I'm gonna remember that. I'm gonna really think about that.
SPEAKER_00That's so good.
SPEAKER_02That's so good. Here's another one. You're not behind, you're healing on a timeline that actually belongs to you. That makes me happy. I yeah, it does me too, because it's the permission that we need.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm sitting in that for a second. Okay, so we've talked in this episode about invisible progress, but some of the most important healing can't be posted, measured, or proved to anyone else. And I would also add, it doesn't have to be and shouldn't be.
SPEAKER_02No, and I don't post like I did used to on Facebook, you know, and things like that. I really do think that a lot of things are just for us. And I love that. And we don't have to prove it to anybody by putting things out there, you know. It is it it's what's important to us, and we do it the way that we want to measure it. And we don't even have to measure. We we don't. And that is that's up to us too. And I think that that's a beautiful thing.
SPEAKER_00I do too. Over the last, I would say six to twelve months or so, I've really cut back on social media because I realized it's not that I wanted the world or my friends to see what I was doing. What I really wanted was to capture and remember the memory. And so, you know, I plan to just do that in more of scrapbooking just for our family. On occasion, you'll see something from me. Maybe my kids are selling Super Bowl squares for a fundraiser. Or maybe my youngest son fell asleep in the toy box last night. And I thought it was hilarious.
SPEAKER_02That was hilarious. That's a keeper.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you might see something like that, but I'm not, I'm as real as they come. And on social media, I I want that to come through when I post, but I don't feel the need to share everything about me to people that I barely know. And if you know me well, then you get to be on the inside. And if you don't, then you don't. But it won't just be a highlight reel. You know, it'll be real things, just infrequent.
SPEAKER_02Here's another one. Late blooming isn't failure, it's growth that weighted for safety.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Yes. Yes, it is. I love that so much.
SPEAKER_02That describes my life. It describes where I am right now in my life. Isn't it's growth that weighted for safety? That's so good. I think we need to call this entire episode that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. So uh how about another one? Progress isn't always forward motion. Sometimes it's learning how to stay. Yes.
SPEAKER_02I think that's a good one, too.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because I've always I'm an ADHD, I'm a moob, I'm a shaker, I'm a like, let's go. Um, if we're gonna solve this, we got to get on it. Um, and I yeah, it's been really hard for me to sit and stay in things, but I'm getting better.
SPEAKER_00That's so good. Again, it's just some progress, no matter how. It's good to be able to learn how to just stay. I I think it's so important.
SPEAKER_02Just because the world moves fast doesn't mean your healing has to.
SPEAKER_00Don't you wish sometimes it could, but I truly believe you have to feel the heel. There's no timeline for it. And we are where we are for a reason. And there's there really is so much to learn along the journey.
SPEAKER_02Everything that's worth it, everything that's worth it takes time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. And if it wasn't worth it, then it wouldn't be so deserving of your time. So maybe you have to think about that too. Is it something that's worth all the investment? And if the answer is no, then I think you wash your hands of it and move forward. But if so, feel your way through it to the other side of healing.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Well, as we close today, we just want to say clearly, especially for anyone listening and quietly wondering if they're doing healing right.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00No universal timeline. There is no finish line that you're missing, and there is no version of your life that you're late to.
SPEAKER_02Healing is not a race, it's not a checklist, it's not something that you graduate from because you've had a good week or a productive season. Healing is learning how to live honestly inside your own body again. And that takes as long as it takes. If all you did today was breathe through something hard, that counts. If you set a boundary instead of explaining yourself, that counts. If you didn't spiral the way that you used to, that counts. If you showed up tired but still showed up, that counts.
SPEAKER_00Progress doesn't always look like moving forward. Sometimes it looks like resting without guilt. Sometimes it looks like going slower. Sometimes it looks like choosing yourself for the first time. So if you have been measuring life against someone else's timeline, we want to invite you to stop. Your healing is not behind, it's unfolding exactly where it needs to be.
SPEAKER_02And wherever you are today, whether you feel strong, stuck, hopeful, or unsure, you're still in the process. And the process is where growth lives. This is Real Talk with Tina and Anne. And always remember that there is purpose in the pain and there is hope in the journey, and no deadline on becoming who you're meant to be. So thank you for being here today. And we will see you next time.
