Dream Big, Amiga!
Dream Big, Amiga!
Episode 12 Journey into Boundaries, Self-Care, and Creativity W/Mychal
Continuously navigating boundaries, I invited my good friend Mychal from Crafty Pink Scorpion to join me in discussing the importance of setting and respecting boundaries in our personal and professional lives. Mychal, a tumbler artist and fashion design enthusiast, shares how a random YouTube search spiraled into a creative passion and his journey into the world of TikTok. Together, we delve into our personal experiences with understanding boundaries and the essential role therapy played in our self-discovery and growth.
Throughout our conversation, we touch on the value of being authentic and honest in our relationships, and how setting boundaries can help foster meaningful connections. Mychal shares his insights on setting personal boundaries, processing emotions, and the experiences that led him to realize the significance of healthy boundaries in his life. We also discuss the challenges we faced in navigating relationships and misunderstandings, emphasizing the need for clear communication and understanding to maintain healthy connections.
As we wrap up our discussion, we reflect on the power of setting boundaries and honoring them for our well-being. From facing familial criticism to finding joy in self-care, we explore the courage it takes to establish boundaries and prioritize ourselves. Whether you're navigating friendships, business, or social media backlash, join us on this journey of self-discovery and personal growth through the power of boundaries.
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@craftingbymayra
Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode. We are actually in episode 12 of the Dream Big Amiga podcast. My name is Maida and I am your host. I want to say long time no see, but I really want to get out of the habit of saying long time no see. As you guys know, like these episodes come, the purpose of this podcast was to give me another creative outlet, also to have our therapy Mondays, and so this is just the time that I have in this chaotic world that I'm living in. But I'm very excited about this episode. This episode's title, as you've already seen, is DUN, dun, dun, boundaries.
Speaker 1:So when thinking about boundaries, i definitely thought about the person that I could do this podcast with. You know, the people who I do these podcasts with are my friends, and some of the intimate episodes, some of the intimate topics, i like to do them with some of my closest friends because I feel like they know me best. And you know, social media can be this thing where I use it for my business, and now I'm starting to kind of use it more, but for a while, there, on my personal socials, i kind of am I aid, because I was doing a lot of inner work. I was going through a lot. Life was a lot, business was a lot, business was taken off and picking up and I was very blessed, but I needed time away from people. So I met COVID, happened and, yeah, but a beautiful thing of working on yourself. That's like a never ending project. But our episode today is boundaries, and when thinking about boundaries I try to look at the people in my life And there's a couple people that came up, but there's certain people that I'm like no, i want her for this episode And I'm very selfish but also like aware that some people I'm like, oh, this would be juicy, but like this other topic would be juicy, or so.
Speaker 1:This person was one of the first people that came to my mind Just because we met on the interwebs As they joined my mentorship group. But I met him a little bit before that And we've become really, really good friends. I visited him and you know he's going to visit us soon And then we are going on a little friend vacation next year, so I'm excited about that. He's grinning on the other side of the screen. He's muted right now, but I've been harassing him to come to Texas And he just doesn't like it here. But anyhow, love that for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i thought about him just because when I met him to who he is now, he has flourished in so many different ways And he has become his own person I felt like when I met him he was really struggling. I was really struggling, of course, with different things in my life. We were both struggling, but with different aspects of our lives and different areas of our lives. And when I met him, you know, i I immediately realized that he was just a very genuine, kind human being And with time I got to know him. He joined my mentorship group And he was actually one of the first people you know, the first group of people that joined my mentorships in day one. Then he has started his own group And it's just been a journey, you know, since, but I've I've seen him grow. I've seen him just kind of transform into who he's supposed to be whoever that is and stepping into his purpose and just being more firm and being more confident in himself and his work.
Speaker 1:So, without further ado, the guest of my episode is Michael from Crafty Pink Scorpion. So, michael, i am going to meet myself and I'm going to let you introduce you yourself to us. Tell us who you are, where you're from, how did you find tumblers? how did you get into this? give us a little bit of your background. They don't know you like I do, so I'll let you do that.
Speaker 2:Hi, i'm Michael. I am the owner of Crafty Pink Scorpion. I have been in tumblers since 2018, 2019. I was scrolling through YouTube Me and my husband had a shared space at the time and I was just scrolling through YouTube, i was bored And I was looking for something creative to do. And this whole journey that I'm on all started with t-shirts making t-shirts, selling them at work. And then I scroll through YouTube one day and I came across literally in rows And I learned how to make a glitter wine glass. And ever since then I've been in love with making cups And if I can show you the stuff that I made in the beginning, so what it looks like now, it's a complete 360.
Speaker 2:I'm on this journey of just like knowing who I am now. Where I started to where I am now is like two completely different people or a more enhanced version of that original person. So I'm glad that like my own reached out and like brought me on to have this conversation about boundaries, because, again, this journey for me of healing and getting to understand myself and what I need and what I want and what I expect from people is new. That's me.
Speaker 1:So the people don't know, though, that your background is in fashion.
Speaker 2:Yes, i studied fashion design and merchandising for a while In high school. They have like these different programs that you could like partake in and fashion design was like the one thing that I gravitated to. It just it was my place, it was my happy place. I just you gave me a sewing machine, you gave me the tools and I could literally whip anything together. So it was my thing in school got very expensive.
Speaker 2:I think we all know I'm still waiting on those students who are going. I think we all know like school can be very, very expensive and like trying to juggle two and three jobs plus school It was a lot. So I had to kind of like sacrifice. Do I want to be in debt for the rest of my life with how much school is going to cost, or do I just want to live a happy life? And I still do it. I still sell hope from time to time If anybody requests me to do anything, that just kind of gets me out there and gives me some time away from tumblers and I can work on something different and we spark the creativity that I have for my time. But I love fashion.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then you juggle.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you do not do this full time, although it looks like it, right, But you actually have your nine to five job or eight to five job, you know whatever. So you juggle all of these things and all and I don't. It's been so long since I was in the classroom, i feel like to me it feels so long that I'm like when I did it I did not love that for me, like it was very stressful, but I think you've found a way to kind of not allow it to stress you out but be more of an outlet for you. And that has been amazing to watch as well, because I never got there. It was just kind of like I can't do this anymore And I stopped. I stopped teaching And I missed the classroom, but I missed the kids. I do not miss my co workers. I'm not sorry that I said that. I do miss, you know, my principal. I missed the kids. It's never the kids, but I do not miss teaching like at all, like the actual role I miss being a teacher, but in many ways I'm also still teaching. So yeah, but so yeah.
Speaker 1:So today's topic boundaries. Michael had zero boundaries. When I met him, michael, i just I'm literally calling you out. Michael had zero boundaries when I met him And I think seeing him now I'm just like I'm just so proud, because who even are you? You know, i've seen you make a lot of tough choices, a lot of decisions that are free, the best for you, and I always love that for you, i always love that for people that I care about.
Speaker 1:And not everybody understands boundaries, especially if they haven't done any inner work. They kind of see it as like an attack And you're being mean And it's just kind of like people forget very quickly. People forget very quickly that they are not the main character in your life. You are the main character in your own life, but you are not the main character in everybody else's life. So no, the world is not revolving around you. And, yeah, i think our friendship too has really kind of transformed and transpired through the past couple of years And I love that. I can relate to you on a lot of things. I love that we can talk about a lot of things and kind of hear each other out and be there for one another. But you are not the same person you were two, three years ago.
Speaker 2:So when did?
Speaker 1:you begin learning about boundaries. When was the first time you even heard the term?
Speaker 2:Well, I've heard the term. I think, like everybody, I learned a lot during COVID. That year of COVID, TikTok went crazy. I was on TikTok every day And I was just scrolling through TikTok And I ended up on TraumaTalk And everybody at that point everybody was like sick of being cooped up in the house and like they had their own issues.
Speaker 2:But people really started to talk more about what it was like to grow up in their households, to be around their parents. They just started to share their experiences And when they started talking about those experiences they had, they started to initiate what it looked like for them to have boundaries. And that was the first time that I heard it, And I'm pretty sure I've heard it before, but like I never really paid attention to it. But I think this is where my the evolution of myself started is when I heard it through TikTok. So that was really like the time where I started to learn about it And I didn't.
Speaker 2:I still didn't quite understand what it was to set the boundaries. So I would hear them talk about it and it would. It would make sense what they were explaining their boundaries of with their folks or whoever it was they were setting it with, But I still didn't understand it, And I think that's primarily because I haven't did the work. I hadn't gotten my own help. So I'm just hearing these people talk about their experiences and they are getting help, But I haven't gotten help yet, So I don't necessarily know what those boundaries look like for me.
Speaker 1:So that's funny. You say that My first time learning about boundaries was my first therapy session Before this. Like yourself, i may have I may have heard the word before, but obviously didn't catch it. I didn't know what it was. And so, when I'm sitting, my first therapy session ever was on campus.
Speaker 1:It was very difficult because it was the reason I even went to therapy was because of a breakup. So that was very, very hard And I felt like at the time I didn't know this at the time. I know this now you know it's been over a decade But I didn't have very good friends Because my friends did not make me feel cared for, understood, they were not empathetic, they were just mean And I had never experienced heartbreak And I also thought I was going to be with this person for the rest of my life. Like I literally remember sitting in my school parking lot, literally thinking to my head. I was looking up at the sky, it was dark, i had an evening class. My class ended like around eight or nine almost, so it was dark outside And I remember opening my corridor about to get in to like come home. But coming home was really hard at that time because I felt very lonely, very not understood, not even misunderstood, just not understood at all. And I remember looking up at the sky and literally mouthing like softly, like what am I supposed to do now? Like I really thought, like I really thought my life was over over some dude. Like I thought, like what am I supposed to do now, like. But in the moment you don't realize, even though people tell you, oh, you'll get over it, you'll move on, you don't realize that because it was the first time that it was happening to me. So how the fuck was I supposed to know? You know, and I love very hard And I care very hard. So when I'm betrayed, it like cuts deep. And it was also my first, you know, real relationship.
Speaker 1:I didn't really date in high school, i don't know. I just I didn't, i didn't have that. I was very focused in high school. I was involved in a lot of things And I liked, i liked going to school because it was away from home. So anything away from home was great.
Speaker 1:But yeah, that was like the first time that I was like, what am I going to do? And it was actually a girl I met in class. We didn't, you know, stay in touch But she was like maybe you should try, you know, therapy. I went through something similar And I was just kind of like I don't know, man, i don't want someone to tell me I'm crazy, like that's what I associated therapy with. It's like I don't, i don't you know, not so much. Some people get weirded out by the fact that you're telling someone all your business. That never freaked me out. It was a I think it. A fucking diagnosed me that I'm like a psychopath or a sociopath, like I don't you know. Like not realizing that a therapist, you know, doesn't do that. That's a psychiatrist.
Speaker 2:But anyway that was.
Speaker 1:That was the first time I experienced learning about boundaries, what they were, what they are. It was when I sat into my first, my first therapy session And that was, yeah, that was. That was interesting, that was fun, did not love that. For me That was a lot of unpacking And you only get an hour, you know, and usually you only have enough time for one topic. So and that's another thing that it took me a while to find the right therapist for me.
Speaker 1:But that was a little, i think, time of realization and self-awareness that I didn't ask for it because it just I realized how much I lacked boundaries And it was very hard and difficult for me to accept because, you know, i was a lot more prideful than I am now And it's just me. There is nothing wrong with me, what do you mean? I don't even know what boundaries are, but I'm sure I have them. Like you're telling the wrong girl, like I'm sure it was just how much I lacked And a lot of the things in my life were happening to me because I was allowing them to. So, yeah, that was a in your face kind of moment. I remember what that felt like. But for you, when did you experience someone first setting boundaries with you, not you setting boundaries, but when did you experience someone first setting boundaries with you?
Speaker 2:Okay, so I have to use this experience because it really clearly set the tone for us, you and I. Yeah, i always look back to that, back to that moment, because I'm like I knew right then and there I was. Like she does not play any games, um, not only that, but like boundaries help create healthy relationships that make sense.
Speaker 2:Yes, Yes, and I also looked at it is at that time Okay, so a little bit of a. I was in my higher mentorship group for a while And this was really early on. She had a lot of things going on at the time And I asked her a question during this zoom meeting that we had And it wasn't like a meeting, we just all got on, crafted, had fun. She had chatted for a while I'll answer this question And she was like basically just not right now, and I was like it kind of stung when she said it. But I'm like I had to kind of sit with that and kind of think about it because at the end of the day, this is her setting a boundary. This is something that she doesn't want to talk about And I can. I appreciate her and respect her enough to allow her to set that boundary with me.
Speaker 2:Now, again, it's stung, my feelings were kind of hurt, but that's where you have to remove yourself from that situation and understand it has nothing to do with you, it's not anything that you did, it's just where this person is in their journey. They're setting that boundary And I'm one of those people that's like if somebody like gets on to me about something or snap said me or tells me how they feel, i automatically go into this mindset of I've done something wrong. And it wasn't that I did anything right. It was just not something that she wanted to have that discussion on. So that was where I experienced someone setting boundaries, and that was like a year after I started watching all these TikTok videos. So now I'm seeing it in true form because it's happening with me and someone else, and I'm not just watching it unfold.
Speaker 1:That is crazy, because I didn't know that I was going to be your answer. I was like a work example And I feel so bad because I'm like okay. So now I have questions. Did you know I was setting a boundary? Or when did you realize that that's what I was doing? Like, did you know then that I was setting a boundary? or now that you're in therapy is like, now you had that realization of like Oh, that's what she was doing And like how? regardless of what your answer to that question is, how did you take your feelings out of it? How did you not feel like that was rude Or like that was kind of mean, like how?
Speaker 2:And I think you kind of know this that I am, and this is part of the reason why I didn't have any boundaries, because I'm a very understanding person. I will do everything to understand how a person feels or why they felt that way, but it definitely was because I started therapy. When I started therapy, it really started to make me process a lot of the situations, reflecting on a lot of the things that's happened over the last couple of years, even back to childhood. It just makes me reflect on it And I looked back at that moment and that was the one thing that stood out is that moment and you and I've had multiple conversations of just like what boundaries look like for you and like what you think you know ultimately they could look like for me and how that journey is going to look for me over time. And when I started going to therapy and he was like that was because I explained it to him and he's just like that was her setting about and he's like put yourself in her shoes. And you know, i gave him like different scenarios because he started asking me for scenarios And I hate when he starts asking me for that because it just kind of spirals out of control. But he started just asking me different things and it led back to the same thing that we went through.
Speaker 2:You were setting a boundary with me and I did the same thing with other folks. I had someone that I'm really, really close with, my best friend. he would reach out to me all the time And when I didn't answer, he would start calling my husband and love him to death. But I'm like this is where I have to set this boundary with you, because that is one thing for me that is completely off limits. You can call me whatever time you want, but please have enough respect for me to know that just because you can pick up the phone and call me at three and four o'clock in the morning, you cannot do that with my husband.
Speaker 2:So it just really started to everything just really started to come into play and it made sense after he explained it to me and I had that conversation with my best friend that I can have these boundaries and I can set them and they are on my terms And that's how it was with you is they were on your terms and you set that expectation for me and that's a really big part of why I have a lot of respect for you because you say what you mean and you mean what you say And you say it with all the love, like I love you, but I just want to let you know. So that's how I looked at it when I started setting boundaries and when I heard that come through when I explained it to him, he's just like that's all it was. She was just setting boundaries.
Speaker 1:Well, this is a revelation to me, but I love that you're able to talk about it now and like this is how it made me feel then. This is my realization and how I feel about it now And the fact that you never told me, you never really held it against me. I think you kind of and maybe that's just the part of you, the Libra in you, who's just very understanding and you were kind of rude, but okay, and I think it's. I have not always had the best experiences with setting boundaries. I think starting this business kind of forced me to really put my big girl pants on and hone in on what that looks like for me. And then also I started pre-COVID.
Speaker 1:Pre-covid, not a lot of people were doing this, but it wasn't the thing it is now on TikTok. It just was not. There was like no, there was no people posting their stuff on Instagram. Everything was Facebook. Facebook was the thing. And it's crazy because now it's not really even Instagram, it's more so TikTok. I mean Instagram's up there, but Facebook's last. Now, like you know, like yeah, people use it for certain things, but not really It's more so used for, you know, for like, having groups and being able to communicate with people in your groups, so on. When I first started, it was very much, you know, go, go go. It took off very quickly.
Speaker 1:Before TikTok became the thing that it is, i was also still teaching and I also still actually had my teacher page. I used to have a teacher page where I would share stuff from my classroom and whatnot, but anyway I deactivated that, put my focus into Crafting by Myra, never expecting anything out of it. Then I get a lot of you know business from it. I start excelling in it, i start doing really well for myself And then I get to the point where, like I actually joked about earlier, i have to make a choice because I couldn't do both teaching in this. So it's just, i tried to have balance, but there is no such thing for me, and that's the reality of life is that some people can balance things flawlessly. Some people can do that very.
Speaker 1:I am not one of those people. My Tism won't let me, my ADHD won't allow me to. I just cannot. I don't function that way. I get very overwhelmed, very over simulated, with too much going on at the same time. And I think Jose saw how it was affecting me and just you know I was sacrificing my health a lot. And so I made the choice and I stuck with this and I stuck it out. But I that required a lot of sacrifice. That required saying yes to a lot of things that I said should have said no to taking money that I shouldn't have taken, just a lot of things that forced me once again. I've already by this time I already knew about boundaries. Right, it forced me to set boundaries And so there were some people in the community who I used to be friends with who would kind of laugh at me a little over, like some of my boundaries, and I'm like they might seem far fetched for some people, but I have to do these things.
Speaker 1:And one of the things I pride myself on is that, like I don't, i'm not attached to my phone at all anymore And it took practice.
Speaker 1:That wasn't like cold turkey, that with time, with with the years at the beginning I'm not sure if I talked about this with you, i feel like I have, but maybe not I we used to leave our phones outside of the room, like because that's how bad it was.
Speaker 1:We used to set our alarms for work or whatever, and our phones would be outside of the rooms, not in our bedroom, because I was constantly replying to people. I was replying to comments, i was replying to DMs, i was replying to emails And at that time I didn't really have a designated place where my customers, like new, don't DM or email her. Now, if you DM me, i'm never going to see it Like I'm just, i'm just not. And I used to feel really guilty about that number in my inbox because it meant that I wasn't doing my job, that I wasn't doing enough, that. And then I realized you know what, when I get to the gates, god's not going to be like well, daughter, you did not answer all of your DMs, so this is going to be a no for you. It's not going to matter.
Speaker 1:It's not going to fucking matter how many cups you make, it's not going to matter how many you sold Like that's not what you're going to be. It doesn't determine my worth. You know my productivity And I felt like it did And but I didn't know this at the time. I'm still learning. This is a new business for me. I don't even want it to be a business. I didn't know it was going to be a business And I was just so against it because I'm like I'm not a people person Like my face says what my mouth doesn't like.
Speaker 1:I don't want to get in trouble because you know I'm just to this or to that And it was a lot of acceptance, a lot of like, a lot of everything, to be honest. But that's when I first started setting boundaries And so in my personal life and with people, it was great. I know how to do that And it comes to me very naturally And I don't really care. You know how uncomfortable it makes people because I don't see it. It's not that I don't care, because I just don't. you know GAF, it's just I don't see it Like. I'm just kind of like this is common sense right, like I'm not hurting you, it's not personal, it's just I'm setting a boundary And I didn't know how to do that with work, i didn't know.
Speaker 1:And yeah, that was an interesting learning experience, but I'm grateful for it because it's gotten a lot better throughout the years And I know that I do have strong boundaries now that I did not before. But yeah, it all just comes with. You know time if you're willing, if you're willing to learn, if you're willing to fail at it a couple of times, if you're willing to accept that you know you might fuck up along the way. But yeah, i was not trying to be mean to you. I am so sorry if it felt mean at the time. It's just and that's a thing like all these years and I never even knew, like I never even knew that that's how you felt or that you were like oh okay, like she said, no, that's the thing like.
Speaker 2:I always try to take into consideration how or what a person is going through. I always keep that in my mind And that's why I try not to personalize things, and that's what people used to tell me. I work all those hours like Michael, you personalize everything. I'm naturally a dealer, so that's what you say. I still care and I have empathy for people, right. So, like, when it comes to me asking that question, although I wasn't expecting it, i wasn't expecting the response, i also took into consideration what was happening at the time. So that's why I'm not like, of course, yeah, it's done, because it's like who was expecting that? But at the same time, it's like who was this person? What is she going through? What is her life like right now? That's what I'm looking at. You got to look at the person. You guys see the person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and some people don't really care enough. They make it about themselves and they're just kind of like they don't care. It just feels like an attack. So I completely get that. So now when was the last time you said a boundary? What did that look like? Or it could be it could be the first time that you said a boundary recently. What did that look like? What did that feel like?
Speaker 2:Okay. So I and I told him that we were probably going to talk about this, but he was completely okay with it. But it was with my husband and it all started with he's. He's a big jokester in, like, his love language is physical touch and he always wants to like kiss and hug, and I get too hot for all that. Don't touch me, like get off me, leave me alone.
Speaker 2:Um, that it got to a point where, like, we were always joking and I would be like boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, and that would be him, me telling him like stop. And he understood it over time, but it was like when we initially started doing he wasn't getting it. But we sat down and we had a conversation and I'm telling him and this was like right, when I first started therapy, so I felt like I knew everything and I didn't have a clue, um, but I had just started therapy and I'm telling him like this is a boundary for me. I need you to just listen to what I'm telling you. Like, i'm okay with the physical touch over time and often, however, when I need my space, i need my space and that's a boundary for me. That's me telling you right now is not the time. It's almost like boundaries and consent are meeting and I just need you to acknowledge the fact that I'm telling you I just want to enjoy my space and not have you touching on me all the time or needing a kiss. For me, that's strong, it hurt me. I feel like more to tell him this because we're talking super calmly and he's just like I don't want to hurt you And I'm like you're not hurting me. I just need you to acknowledge the fact that this is what I need from you. This is the boundary that I'm setting for us and our relationship, so that if I tell you no, except that don't keep coming back and wanting to joke because my day at work has been long and it's been stressful. I don't want to hug, i just want space. I don't want a kiss, i just want space.
Speaker 2:And because of who he is, he didn't get that at first. It took a while, but we really like, we really worked through it and today we were actually just like just joking around and he looked at me and he was like boundaries And I was like okay, excuse me Not using your word and my words against me Like, but it definitely works for us now and I know it started off as a joke, but it started off as a joke because I was uncomfortable with actually saying how I felt and sharing what I needed from him, and direct and upfront. I knew that this was a segue that I could throw it in there, so I did. But if I went and we did that conversation, it would just be like hey, let's sit down and let's have a conversation. This is how I feel.
Speaker 1:I have been there way too many times in a very similar scenario, not just with my partner, with friendships like other. You know, friendships are also relationships. So I have been there one too many times where the answer should have been no or the answer should have been I'm not comfortable. But to make other people comfortable, i suppressed myself, my emotions, my well being, what I really felt, what I really think, and I don't end up saying how I really feel and it makes me see the person differently And it makes me kind of like retract And in many of those situations and then eventually, you know, i, if I choose to talk about it, i talk about it because you have to assess every situation differently.
Speaker 1:Not every situation needs to be discussed and talked about. Not everything needs to be made a problem. Not everything sometimes requires your energy and, to be honest, not everything do I want to like necessarily quote, unquote, fix, for lack of better terms. Like I'm okay with, like picking your battles, yeah, like and sometimes it's not even a battle is just, you're just kind of annoying and I really don't want to talk to you again. That part Like other other other people can love you. I do not love you, but yeah, no, i have. I have definitely been there in similar situations.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I guess I'll put this back on you. so when did you realize or know you needed to say that?
Speaker 1:So it was like with work, because I feel like in my personal life I've been doing it for like 10 years or so And it's not hard for me to do. Some people don't take it the right way. But with work, especially in my group, that has been. That has been a learning process. I don't like being accessible to everybody, not because I think I'm special. I mean, i am special because I was uniquely created. But I'm not saying that in an arrogant way, like I don't think I'm better than other people. I don't. I'll be very honest. I've actually never said this.
Speaker 1:I don't like it when people fan girl over me And some I've actually said that to someone before and they were like okay, well, i'm still gonna do it anyway. And she didn't take it the wrong way. She was just kind of like I understand that it makes you uncomfortable, like you don't like the attention, but I'm still gonna do it because I am your fan And I'm like okay, great, but I don't like the idolizing of anyone. I don't like the idolizing of people who don't even know we exist. I don't like the idolizing of people who you don't really know, who are just on social media, and I'm one of those people is like you don't really know me. I don't want you to idolize me. If you admire me for my work, if you admire me for my hard work, if you've been here since the beginning and you admire me because you've seen me start from nothing, then that's different. I don't like the idolizing of people who don't even know what I'm doing, but I don't like it. I remember how uncomfortable it would make me to have people kind of fangirl over either me, following them or like whatever. I don't like that kind of attention, i don't seek it, and I think it's kind of because, to begin with, i have never sought any validation from social media. Like, i don't need to say my part, i don't need to tell you my side of the story. It's none of your business. And I didn't always used to be this way. I used to post everything and anything what I was eating, what it looked like, where I was going on Facebook Until one time my sister asked me. She was just like why do you always have to post everything on Facebook? Can't there be a little bit for yourself? And I was just kind of like oh, there might be some truth to that, but you're annoying anyways. Like whatever. But it wasn't until teaching that they scared me.
Speaker 1:I take work very seriously. I take what I do very seriously, every job I've ever had. I have respect for my bosses And I always want to do my best. I'm never satisfied with the status quo. I always look for ways to improve And not because I'm a kiss ass, it just comes naturally to me. I always want to see how we can do things more efficiently or better or whatever. And I remember sitting in the first semester of starting my teaching journey at U of H And they were basically like you can't be on social media, you can get fired for anything And this wasn't a thing that they had a PowerPoint presentation and they talked to us about.
Speaker 1:Just once This was brought on over And they drilled it in our heads You are not allowed to be normal. And I will never forget, like their words of like yeah, we know it's unfair, but that's just how it is. This is a profession you're choosing, so this is just how it is, and I did take that very seriously. So I went incognito on Facebook. I made it to where my students couldn't find me, i stopped posting, i stopped sharing, and at first it felt like not natural. At first it felt like I want to.
Speaker 1:Eventually, though, because of my age, as I got older, my experiences with my partner, i learned to value it. I value my privacy, i value the intimacy of my friendships, i value the intimacy of my relationships and my family, and I will share whatever the fuck I want to, and nothing more and nothing less. And I'll give you a sneak if I had a vacation, maybe you know, and I'll post a picture. But I'm not gonna drop everything, everything we ate, everything we did, because those experiences are not for you guys, they're for me, but for me and the people I'm making those memories with And I don't feel like it's anyone's business And I feel like there is a lot of, i believe, an energy, and I feel like sometimes people have like shitty black energy, pure evil, who just don't wish you well, are just looking to see what you're up to, what you're doing, to try to like I don't know, i just don't like it. I don't. I've never, i wasn't always like this, but in the past I would say like six years, yeah, i became very, very much more private And so in my group taking this back to the actual question that you asked in my group I would feel guilty saying I'm not answering that right now because, okay, so our Zoom craft chats were after hours, it was for all the night owls And sometimes, you know, most of the time I would hop on.
Speaker 1:I don't wanna talk about mentorship stuff because that's not what this is. It's unfair to the people in my mentorship group who can't make the Zooms. I don't want them to feel like they're missing this one-on-one when this isn't what. So, yeah, it took a couple of times of me saying it, but eventually people got it. It's like if I'm on the Zoom craft and chat, don't ask me what I'm working on or don't. Not necessarily that it's just don't ask me for help on something, or I just don't wanna feel used number one. I don't wanna feel like I can't come on here and relax and just work and chit chat about what our plans are gonna be this weekend, and that's sometimes what it felt like.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that was a little difficult because I felt like how do I say this without being mean? And it was different because I wasn't doing it with my friends. These are people who are paying to learn from me. But there's a time and place, a literal place, a group, where you can do that. And so some people got a little too comfortable and they would ask me questions and I would eventually and I'm sure you remember I'd be like you can ask that in the group, like you can post that question in the group.
Speaker 1:This isn't the place to like very nicely, with a big ass smile on my face, like, respectfully, it was awkward, it was weird, but you can do it. Sometimes it takes a little practice, but if you don't, people in relationships, friendships, people will go as far as you allow them to go. I will repeat that people will go as far as you allow them to go, whether it's your partner, whether it's your friends, acquaintances, they will push until you say that's enough. So yeah, you have to. It's like it's a type of thing that it's hard to do, but boundaries are what keep friendships real and nurture those friendships and relationships. So I really do think that they're needed.
Speaker 2:And I didn't remember that until you said I'm gonna run it just now And it's really funny that you said that, because it got to a point where we were holding each other accountable for the fact that she set this boundary. She's already said if you have a question, ask it in the chat, because I think what a lot of us were forgetting is that, yeah, she's our mentor, but she's also human too, so, like there has to be some type of shutoff for her to be able to enjoy what she's doing and not feel overwhelmed or just all of those things that she's not gonna be able to be creative. And she created a space for us to be able to do both things. We could have the Zoom, where we could just enjoy each other's time, and then we could have the actual group where we can ask all the questions, and we would get to that point where a lot of us would just be like post that in the group.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you guys would have my back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it would just become. It was a running joke, but a serious joke.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what's funny Ha ha.
Speaker 1:What's funny about this is that, first of all, it's true, but you guys would do it without me asking, without me saying anything, and like I wouldn't say anything, and you guys were respectful all the time. But, yeah, you guys would be like it was always a different person post that in the group. And you know what's crazy is that, as a teacher, i had students like that, students who were they were savages, though they weren't as nice as you guys. They'd be like are you for real? She already said that. She just said that a minute ago. She told you how to do that, she told you where to turn it in, and they were just, i mean, fifth graders and sixth graders are mean, they're just mean.
Speaker 1:And I'd be like you know, like there's a nice way to say it, and eventually, yeah, but yeah, my students would be like she literally just told us how to do that. Are you serious? Like they would make each other, you know, but they would hold each other accountable, and I actually didn't remember that until right now that you said that. So, yeah, it was. I think it just became like a, you know, and I think that's how I got close to some of you guys is because not everybody would join. People have lives, kids, whatever. But the people who did join, I got close to them, yeah for sure, and I think I got to know them better, you know, than people who kind of silent watch, and I get it. I used to be a silent watcher in groups too. But yeah, boundaries are interesting and sometimes they're hard.
Speaker 2:But I heard you mention that some people like would take it offensive, and I think that's what I struggle with is like, because my face is already gonna say how I feel right And, especially at work, people have always told me, like I water down what I'm trying to say, i beat around the bush A friend used to tell me that all the time. So my question to you is has anybody ever made you feel guilty for establishing those boundaries?
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, plenty times in the past year, in the past two years, in the past three years, i think in my life in general, no, in my personal life, no, which actually says a lot. So the people who I've nurtured relationships with for years, whether that's my family or like Kayla I've known Kayla for about 10 years now, a little bit over No, and I think that just goes to show that when people actually give a fuck about you and you're not just convenient to them, they care. My family cares, my friends care. So the first time I experienced this in the community was about a little over two years ago. I told someone they hurt my feelings and that something made me uncomfortable. That they did, and all I got was projection. All I got was denial, projection. What's crazy is that because I am experienced in boundaries in my personal life, i was a little taken back because I have never experienced someone being so immature about it. I have a way of talking to people Like I'm just kind of like I wanna tell you this, i wanna like talk to you about this and tell you how it made me feel. And I did, and there's no coming at you sideways, like when I'm talking about my feelings like I'm very vulnerable. I just try to explain to the best of my ability why I feel the way I do And I remember doing that.
Speaker 1:But this was around the time that I think COVID was still a thing And for the very first time we all had our shots because our vaccinations, because my mom is high risk, and so for the first time we were all gonna be at my sister's house at her pool. It was very new, so we were all gonna be there. We usually have Sundays. Everybody who knows me in my life for years, like this has always been a thing since I can remember that I exist, sundays was our family day. Sundays either. Everybody comes to my mom's house, we all have breakfast here. Sundays is my family day, not because I'm hanging out with my family from Destal Dawn, but because that's usually the day where we all hang out. We all see each other. Like all her kids are under one roof. And this time we hadn't done this in a while because COVID and my mom was high risk And a lot of I mean I didn't even wanna get vaccinated, like I, jose, jose is very got all the vaccinations, got all the boosters And I'm like, okay, well you could die Like I'm not gonna die. I was just very I'm not going anywhere. Covid has turned me into like this hibernation kind of creature I want. Who am I gonna infect if I were to get you know? But he convinced me and after you know, doing some research myself, i'm like whatever, like I'm just gonna get the vaccination. I got the vaccination and the first booster And then after that I was like no more, this hurts. So you know, we all said we're not coming around mom, until we're all vaccinated. That was the thing with my siblings and I And so finally everyone was vaccinated and we all had a thing at my sister's And this was the first Sunday that we were all together.
Speaker 1:I had told this person about how I felt and them hurting my feelings, either that morning or the night before, and this was through text and voice messages. That person gave me the impression that they understood me At the beginning. They didn't. They were very much no, i didn't. I did not do that to you, and once I explained that these were my feelings and not bears, they were like I see, i understand you're right. That's when that came And I take things at face value Like I thought I really truly I guess I was ignorant to believe that they meant it.
Speaker 1:But then the next day I had kind of asked, not kind of, i asked for space. And then the next day I got bombarded with you know, i know that this is your family day, but you know, i just really need to get this off my chest. And that was like boundary cross number one. It was like you clearly don't give a fuck, right, you just want to say your piece and your side and whatever. And I thought that you understood per our messages the day before, but you clearly don't. And it was more so like which, you know, i kind of find funny because we've FaceTimed on Sundays before and it's like, dude, i've known you for like three months And I haven't been able to hang out on a Sunday with all of my siblings because we're not, we weren't facts. But it's like I'm not going to sit here and explain to you why this Sunday we are all to. It's none of your fucking business, like I just I don't need to explain myself, but I mean, this person was just so like it was very ignorant. I kept everything. It was very ignorant because it was just constant, like you can hear it in the voice messages, where it's almost like mocking me, like I know that Sunday, but you know I don't care, and it was just very rude, really mean.
Speaker 1:And then, three days later, this person unfollowed me on Instagram and I was like, okay, well, i guess asking for space and, you know, letting three days go by is not enough. I should have reached out before, and I did. I felt like in for a split second. I was like should I have, you know, reached out before? but talking to my therapist and just talking to the people in my life who know me and care about me, they were like that's ridiculous. You asked for space, you weren't, you weren't upset, your feelings were hurt And I remember one of the last text messages I said was like, don't worry, like friendships do not go from zero to 100. I was expressing how I felt And then afterwards, three days later, i'm like well, this is an age. Well, this didn't age?
Speaker 2:well, because I had literally.
Speaker 1:I had literally said friendships don't go from zero to 100. yet three days later I was unfollowed And so I felt very like, confused, and I felt I did feel bad because I felt like so you didn't. So all those things you said you didn't mean, because in your head, clearly, people aren't. you're not used to people telling you that you hurt my feelings or you fucked up or whatever, and you don't like the feeling of like you're not perfect. That's the reality. It's like you're not perfect.
Speaker 1:So for you to make yourself feel better, you, you know, made up all these scenarios in your head of what I was trying to say when I met, what I said and I said what I meant. I didn't say anything more or anything less. We have the same text messages And that was just kind of a mind blowing to me. But that was a very first time that in the community I had experienced someone, just kind of. And then the second time was probably early this year, when I had a similar experience with someone else and there was repeated pattern.
Speaker 1:but I always see the best in people because, again, i truly don't believe that friendships go, should go, from zero to 100. I don't think that that's normal. I think that's a little bit of projection of how you don't know how to handle things when they, when they're going, gets tough. But again, i have done the inner work so I can spot this shit from a mile away now And it was like I do understand and I remember even bringing up the scenario and being like you know, i was very uncomfortable with talking about this because the last time I told someone that they hurt my feelings, this is how it went.
Speaker 2:And she was.
Speaker 1:and she was like, oh my, then those weren't your friends, like your real friends are going to understand you and they're going to, like you know, be supportive, and they may not agree with everything, but the very least they should try to understand you. and I'm like, oh my God, this is great, like I love this for me. And then it happened again in the same way, and then again, and I'm like I don't at this point I don't know if you are aware that you're I'm so confusion, you keep crossing boundaries and like hurting my feelings, like it's just not nice. I, by this time, had mustered up the courage. it's been, you know, some years. so I just, i just said what I felt in a very respectful way, and that was that there was no, i don't know. I just I'm not the type of person to go and put my business out there And I'm like well you would be so surprised.
Speaker 1:There's people who would never know that. I know you would never know that I know the shady shit you said or done about me or other people that I've seen not just your say, because I never bring it up. I'm just like cool, you're a snake. Now I know, stay the fuck away from me. I'm nice because I'm a nice person until I'm not. But even when I'm not, i'll maintain being respectful, but I'll never fuck with you again, like ever, and you'd never be able to tell because I don't make it a thing. I don't have to make an announcement, i don't need to rally the troops, i don't like I don't need to do that. I just have zero desire to do that. I just I see your character and I'm like cool, that's great.
Speaker 1:There's been people who you know have asked me personal questions about life, about my family and stuff that I've like opened up to, about certain things thinking it was safe, and then I hear it being brought back And I'm like you're not trustworthy, but they would never know. I've never brought it up, i'm just. I'm just a type of person that I'm like I take a step back and I'm like I see you for who you are, like I now I know, but I'm not going to like So I heard that you told so and so that you know this has happened to me, or that I went through this, or that my family, you know this happened And how would they know? because I told you, but they're your friends, so how would they know? You know, it's not like I go around telling 50 people so, or two for that being the matter, and it's specific situations. It's specific situations that I've been like okay, i see you for who you are and I'm going to say the fuck away from you and I don't trust you.
Speaker 1:And, unfortunately, like, no matter what you do, what career, what community you're in, like there's a lot of people in this community. There's a lot of people who have slid into my DMs to tell me how much they admire me for I don't know being quiet during certain situations or like not giving into the, but they would never do it publicly because they're afraid of you know showing support publicly. And I'm like don't trust you either. I see you, thanks, and I'm going to be cordial, i'm going to be like thanks, love, but you're not my friend And that's the thing that I've come to terms with and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1:Like these people aren't my friends just because you are, just like I'm so proud of you And maybe that's a, that's a me thing It's just like I don't trust you. Like, if your words don't match your actions, then and then it's just. It's just shady, like I don't. I just don't like people like that And I pick up on energy very quickly. And you you've told me this you are like, you are so fucking intuitive, like you will say shit.
Speaker 1:You have told me multiple times and you're not the only person who's told me. Remember, when you said this, it happened And I'm like I fucking knew it because I'm intuitive. Like I am so fucking intuitive I'll be sitting here like dang.
Speaker 2:She just said why is this happening right now? Yeah, definitely, definitely get you, especially the whole. Like you'll DM me here but you won't say it in public.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm learning that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, whether it's a comment whether it's a comment or whether it's in their story. It's like, oh, let me show my support and you know quietly, so that other people don't know, that I like, really do like you And I'm like that's just cowardish. It's just the cowardish way to live life. You think you're being Switzerland. you're not. You're just. It's just a cop out for you. Just not wearing your panties on right, like it to me, like be woman enough to stand and who you are. You're not. You're not playing Switzerland. You just you just look weird And I just feel like it's weird behavior And I can't ever get behind that like I don't know. I just I don't know, i can't.
Speaker 2:I think you're really connected with yourself, yeah, and but I think that's but that's a big part of it, and a lot of people aren't. They're not in touch with all of their emotions, they don't go to get the help, so they don't know what's happening. So, seeing you, hearing all the things that you say, i'm like this is, this is the person that you guys are getting. You may not like it, but like like she said, she means what she says and she says what she means, and that's just that you have to accept it Or you can walk away.
Speaker 1:I appreciate that because I really am like what you see is what you get, like I'm not. There's so many people I've met, some of some of them being the same people I was just talking about how, like some of the people that would never know that I know, like I know what you've said about me and commented and whatever. But those are some of the same people that I feel like try to have tried to test me on certain things, but also like, is she really like this? you know, i don't know. The point is I don't need to be liked by everybody. Like I'm not here to be friends. I feel like some people are some people and that's great. Like if you can be friends with everyone and get along with everyone, that's great.
Speaker 1:I don't. I don't play nice with people. I can't even be fake to play nice with you When I know how you really are. But I'm also not malicious, like I'm not. I keep that to myself. There's no need for me to be like did you know? Oh, and that's what I was gonna say earlier, there's so many people some of those same people would never know that I know that have come to me with things that I'm like I don't need to know that And it's kind of talking shit about other people. But I'm like I don't care to know that, don't bring that to me And I shut that shit down really quick. But that makes me wonder what do you take back about me, like, and that's why I'm saying like these people aren't my friends, like I don't know. It's annoying. I really wish they would just go away and follow. Live your life. Capiche, capache, tomato, tomato.
Speaker 2:But you know, the removal of people from your page is real. I've done it a couple of times and that would have been a good, really good, okay.
Speaker 1:I was. I was, no, no, it still is. I was shocked, i was shook, it I was like. Michael. Okay, so please tell me what happened And like. Not what happened like prior, but more so what made you go. I don't need to follow these people. These people don't need to follow me. That's kind of really what I want to know.
Speaker 2:It was really Okay. So the build up to it all, the whole situation, is I was new to the social media thing And how you said, i don't need people to like me. I'm recovering from that. But I started getting involved with all these people. I just wanted to be like I love people, i love interacting with people, and I think I just got involved not like their criminals or anything, but I got involved with the wrong people and they weren't bringing me any form of value And I got to a point where I was just like you know what, let me just go ahead and start unfollowing, unfollowing and it had been a while since I just randomly went in and start unfollowing people.
Speaker 2:But it was just like I already have so many negative things in my life with work and COVID was still real at the time and you know my own depressions, my own demons I'm dealing with. I don't need these people in my life to. So if you're carrying dead weight, you can't sit with me. This is not the, this is not the best place for you. This is not a safe place for you if, if you are carrying dead weight And I just went through and I was just like okay, so we can have this conversation, and I had a conversation with a person and they were just like I don't understand why you did xyz, and I was like this is why I did it, and I just feel like we don't match up at this point. Where we are in our journey is not the same place And it just.
Speaker 2:There were some things that I've seen and I've understood that I'm just like, okay, this is where I have to drive the line between you and I. So I was like it could look different in the future, it could be better in the future, but I said, as of right now, where you and I are, it just does not, it doesn't work, it doesn't match. So this is me separating ties between us, and I don't think they really understood it. Although they said they did, i don't think they truly did, because they were making it more about themselves than trying to understand how I felt. I'm just thinking about you And I think this is just a message to everybody who was listening to this right now Don't think about you, don't personalize it, take yourself out of it and understand where that person is coming from, because they're telling you this for a reason And, just like you said like you shared that with a person, and then they just it was almost like they were throwing everything back in your face. Oh yeah, that's not fair. Oh, you know what's my favorite.
Speaker 1:You know what my favorite is. Okay, so this happened with, actually with both of these people who I've kind of just I had to end, you know well, the first one. I didn't have a choice, I was letting known.
Speaker 1:And then ending those you know relationships is like there is nothing that grinds my gears more, that gets under my skin. That's nails on a chalkboard, whichever metaphor you would like to use when someone says but I have supported you and I did this for you and I did that for you, and it's like, well, i didn't know we were keeping tabs, because we could sit here all day going tit for tat on what we've done for each other. Do you think that's the point? Do you think that someone, literally, is going to sit there and say, oh, but they've done all these things for me, so I should not feel the way that I inevitably feel? That does not, that's just not, and it just tells me where you are and you've just never done that work, that inner reflection and self work, because you don't get it. And if you don't get it, i think I'm at a point in my life, especially in my 30s, where I'm like I'm turning 32. I don't, i'm not your therapist, i don't, i already did it. I'm continuously doing the work. I'm not going to sit here and teach you. It's not my job, it's not my responsibility.
Speaker 1:Another thing I highly dislike that happened in both those instances, because you sit back and you look and you know, when you analyze and you reflect, you're like could have got that gone better. Could I have said something different? But the honest answer is no. Someone who has not done the work will always feel attacked by the world. Someone who has not done the inner reflection will always feel attacked by the world, and that doesn't you don't do that in one or two years. That is constant commitment and practice to yourself to be a better, fucking human. But something else that happened with both of those situations was along the lines of them saying you know, individually at that, during those times, during those individual times, making me feel like I was now responsible for making them feel bad. I'm sorry, i am not responsible for how you feel when you hurt my feelings, or it is not my responsibility to make you feel better. Those are the consequences of the actions that took place for us to get here. Yeah, it sucks. Do you think I have not been on the other end of someone telling me I hurt their feelings? I didn't fucking make it about myself, though, because I cared about the person. So I want to do better.
Speaker 1:When you a don't really care about the person, it's very easy for you to be like, well, fuck him, i don't care, and I'm going to end the friendship and then make all these stories of in my head of what happened. And I have just come to realize that people perceive things in their life that like in their own way, like things go down in a particular way in their mind And I'm just. There's no point in arguing or debating that, because that's how it happened for you Like. But I'm a big believer.
Speaker 1:If someone says you hurt my feelings if you feel bad which you should, you know you should feel because you should care. Like you feeling bad is coming from a place of oh, i don't like how this feels, like I'm basically being told that I wasn't, you know, a very good friend at this time. It should not turn into the other person who's feeling you hurt, trying to make you feel better. That takes away from the statement or the conversation being brought up and made of now saying, oh, i hate to hear, michael, i hate to hear that I made you feel that way. That makes me feel like crap, but I understand. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
Speaker 1:It was never my intention to make you feel that way, but I do see how it could have made you feel that way. Please know that I care about you and I love you. And now I know, and I will work on not doing this again So you're saying, oh, i felt like crap, but you're not making it about you. And then these two instances, what happened to me was, oh my God, i feel like crap. I just feel like crap. I'm so sorry. I feel like crap And that's where it would end And I'm like, okay, you feel like crap And let's finish the sentence, like let's finish. And it just never came And it's just kind of I don't, i didn't do anything wrong attitude And that's fine, but I don't really want to associate with people like that.
Speaker 1:I want you to be able to come to me if I hurt your feelings, because you should trust me enough as a friend. If you're really friends, you should trust me and feel comfortable enough to come to me, especially if I've never given you a reason for you not to be able to be open with me. I would understand if I was like toxic or if I was like you're not allowed to tell me that I hurt your feelings, or if, like you've done, try doing that and I was just kind of explosive and like I never did that shit to you, like I would understand it. But if I've never done that and I've never made you feel like you couldn't come to me and tell me that I hurt your feelings and maybe we shouldn't be friends, because that's how we that's real friends will tell you how it is And the realities of it is that there is no perfect friendship, there is no perfect relationship, but both people in relationships, whether they're friendships or partnerships, both people have to want in, both people have to care enough. And if you, one of you, doesn't care, it's just not gonna, it's not gonna work. And that's why at the beginning of the question that you asked me earlier And you were like have you ever had to end friendships of this or have you ever, you know, been made to feel guilty for setting boundaries?
Speaker 1:never in my personal life, like never, not even with the people that I thought it would be the hardest way never And has have people come to me and say I've heard their feelings. Yeah, and like, kayla was one of them And it destroyed me And I cried and I felt shitty, but I didn't make it about myself. I just acknowledged her feelings because they were valid. I apologize because that's the right thing to do And I it was never my intention to make her feel that way And I never did it again.
Speaker 2:You don't repeat it.
Speaker 1:You don't repeat the behavior Like it's just that simple. It's that simple And I'm just not here. I'm at a point in my life where I will not sacrifice like looking good. I will not sacrifice like I don't know, just my happiness and the joy that I have, or I'm not, gonna, like you, fuck up my day Like I'm not. I'm not gonna do it, like it just you're.
Speaker 1:You can either be an adult about things And if you need time to think or to process, ask for the time. But if you're the one asking for space, you need to be the one that comes in and says, hey, i'm ready to talk. You know I was not really given that opportunity the first time. I didn't know that three days was too long, like I didn't. You know, like technically too, because you know it's happening on Sunday, and then by Wednesday it was like well, okay, well, you know, it's just like what space means to me may not mean the same definition to you.
Speaker 1:And just because it's me, not you, doesn't mean that I'm wrong and you're right Because you're not. You're not the end, all be, all of my life. Like things feel differently for me, look differently for me than they do for you And I feel like people really struggle with that. Like, yeah, not the main character. I'm not the main character in your life, michael. Like I have a place in your life And I'm grateful, but not everything. Your world doesn't revolve around me. So it would be we would not be friends if I made everything about myself And I think that some people don't know how to do that because of their circle, and that's also really important. Like, who are your friends? Do your friends always, like, agree with you? Are you the type of person that says, oh my God, michael, okay, so this happened with this person And this is what went down, and you tell people things just to get their validation. Like, why, why, why, you know?
Speaker 2:like it's very weird.
Speaker 1:Why do you need to tell five people just so you can hear them say Yeah, no, oh, my God, that was so weird Just for them to agree with you? I don't know, it's just, it's odd to me, it's odd behavior And I feel like if you care about the people in your life and someone said, if you told me I hurt your feelings, i would feel awful. Awful because I care about you, but I would try everything in my power to let you know how much I love you and how much I understand what you said. And I'm not going to I'm aware now. I will make sure that I am mindful of that to not hurt your feelings in the same way again.
Speaker 2:And just to kind of like, add to that, when you're saying, when that person has said I'm sorry that I made you feel this way, i will make sure I don't do this again. That's where you have to come back and set clear expectations of this is what I want, this is how I want to be treated, and a lot of people forget that part. So when, when this continues to happen this is why it continues to happen, because you've never set concrete expectations of what you needed from that person Just because it's a friendship does not mean that you, you stop doing the work. It's the same thing as a relationship you have to put in the word. So if you tell them, hey, this is what I need from them, i think they'll understand it moving forward.
Speaker 2:And I think that's just something that a lot of people miss. I've missed it. I'll tell you how I feel, out of anger, but it's still not doing anything for me at the end of the day, because I'm not sharing what my expectations for you moving forward look like. And when I told my friend to stop calling my husband, i said clear expectations. It don't call me anymore at three and four o'clock in the morning. Call me at eight when I'm up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that, can that what that looks like. So in my head, as you're saying that, I'm like, okay, well, what has that looked like for me? It's literally making a statement of I don't appreciate it when blank. I would appreciate it if you did not. You know, it doesn't always have to like be so aggressive and like I don't fucking like it when blank. Blah, blah, blah. You better not Like it, just I. There's a civil way to like express how you feel, but if you don't know how to do that, then, yeah, it's going to be hard, you know, And I think friendships can be so complex and just so okay.
Speaker 1:So I'll tell you, we were supposed to go on a trip with family, Jose and I, and we didn't end up going because something pretty hard and tragic had happened on that other side and there was a friend going that was not really our friend and like we've hung around this friend because they used to be roommates and like she was, obviously when you're a roommate, you're also cool with like their family coming over. So like it wasn't just my family's apartment, It was also this girl's apartment and like she's always been very nice, opened up the home to us as well, because she has a say, right, But taking a voluntary trip with someone you don't know, it's just a little weird. I think I would be open to it if it was discussed. But it was just kind of sprung up as like you guys would be okay if this person came right, And it's like at that point we were just kind of like, yeah, sure, And then the text message that followed was cool because, like I believe she already booked it and I'm like okay, so you weren't really asking us to take us into consideration, right, It was more so.
Speaker 1:And then, vice versa, I brought my best friend to their place and I asked, before I even asked my best friend, I said, hey, for this trip would it be, if, okay, if she came. I have not brought it up to her. I don't want to like bring it up and make plans without asking for your guys's permission. If you feel uncomfortable because you don't know her and if you please, like I know her feelings, like I will completely understand because you guys don't know her. And the answer was yeah, of course, blah, blah, blah. I asked again, maybe like a week later, just to confirm yeah, of course. So I brought my friend, but this was. I didn't get that. It was just kind of like, okay, great Cause. Like she said she was coming, we brought it up.
Speaker 1:It kind of just happened, And I'm like when you are taking a trip with other people and it was planned by just this group of people, I just that was kind of like the first time that I was like we didn't really set boundaries, but it's already, it's too late to say something like we'll, we'll make it work, Right. Then this huge, like pretty sad and tragic thing happened on the other side and it was just kind of like Jose and I just felt like really weird about it And I was willing to just kind of be quiet and go through it, And Jose was like I don't feel comfortable. Jose is also like really nice and he's just not going to say anything, but he told me like I don't feel comfortable, you know. And we discussed it over and over again And we basically said we're not going to go, Like we don't feel comfortable going, And I think, because of what this person was going through, it may have felt like an attack, but it wasn't, And it was weird and it was awkward because we weren't mad. Do we wish things had, you know, gone differently as far as communication, Totally, Totally, Yeah, But they but they didn't, and that's okay, I'm not going to sit here. Oh what if, like, I'm just, I don't care, Like, the point is, this is what the facts are.
Speaker 1:And I remember my feelings being hurt because started to be a little mean about it, And I remember one of her voice notes was started off with like well, I'm not trying to be a dick, but and it's like okay, well, if you have to start like that, And it was like well, I don't understand why it should matter. And it's like because you guys are not the only people going on the trip, We are too. And I know you think that, like what happened, you know, of course, like we don't know the person, it affects you completely and only you, but the trip is now affected, as much as you don't want it to be, as much as you're accommodating everything so that it's not weird. The fact of the reality is, is that it's just weirder now, And I think me, using the verbiage weird was not a word that she liked, And now I like later I understood, I'm like well, maybe using weird felt like more of an attack, like you know, and I just tried to be as understanding as possible.
Speaker 1:But that was another situation where I was like I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just. I tried to switch the role and Jose was like I think you feel this way because if it had been the other way around, you would have been bummed, But you wouldn't have been like, well, why? And like you know, it's not going to be weird, And I don't understand why this matters And I don't, and it's just like I would have just been like, okay, I'm so, like I'm bummed, but I understand, you do what you have to. I guess maybe that's why my feelings were hurt, because I feel like I thought about how I would have responded and I would have just been like, well, I'm dumbed. But I do understand that, like we're all different, Like it's cool, And that did change the relationship a little bit Not a little bit, But it's just like it's unfortunate.
Speaker 1:But when things don't get talked about, eventually the ship kind of sails And I I just I guess I'm just at a point where, like I don't, it's exhausting to always be the one to bring things up to, And I think the time that that happened was around the time that I was bringing a lot of shit up with with you guys, with my friends in my personal life, Like it just gets exhausting, And you kind of. That was a moment where I kind of had to pick and choose, Like am I going to bring this up later because I care about this friendship, And I decided, no, I'm like I care about it. But at the end of the day it felt like I kind of know what the reaction is going to be And I don't feel like doing that again. Like it just, you, just to keep the peace, you just kind of retreat and you just fall back and you're just like well, still love them, Because I do, I genuinely still love lean other. I love them. But yeah, it just is what it is sometimes, you know.
Speaker 2:It's unfortunate, but I mean you've done what you could. Yes, you've said weird, but at the same time, like you, could have said worse. The passive aggressive is not something that you were asking for. You were just saying you don't feel it's right to go on this trip because it is going to be very awkward, and I can't be mad at you for that. But I don't know people, people are, people are weird Period.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but also. I learned next time? Are you comfortable with so and so coming? The answer should have been no, i would rather it just be us, and that that was something that I'm like I should have taken, you know, more of an initiative and that was on me, you know. But but you're right, no, i didn't mean like weird, to be mean, i just didn't have any other vocab, like I didn't, i didn't know what other vocabulary were to use in the moment. That's just how it felt. It was in the moment.
Speaker 2:It was in the moment, like, and that's what came to your mind, so you said it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I would never purposely try to be mean, especially to people I care about, in that I'm hoping to see you know on like a yearly ish basis, like I would never, i don't know. I just it felt. But then I understood, you know, like sometimes people aren't going through things and it just I didn't have it in me with everything, my diet, my diagnosis at the time, every, i just didn't feel like I didn't have it And I it's. I'm in my right to not want to Like it. Just not everything needed my attention And although I think I would have loved to it, just I was already drained by that time.
Speaker 1:It was just kind of like I can't explain to someone else how this is not like an attack. I'm literally just trying to set a boundary of like we're not going to come anymore, like it's just, this is not. You know, you guys, nobody asked for this, like it, just this is what happened, it's unfortunate and there will be a next time, you know. And then we were supposed to go on another trip together and they bailed And I'm like, literally my reaction was okay, like I'm going to miss you guys. But I understand, i didn't flip out Like, i was just kind of like okay, like it's okay.
Speaker 2:I don't like the energies, because if I give you 10, i want you to meet me at 10. If you give me five and I still give you 10, i still need you to match my energy. I didn't get upset because you couldn't go on the trip, but you got upset with me, although you had a situation. You got mad with me because I said it was weird Or I just didn't come on the trip.
Speaker 1:That's not fair to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I think the way we saw it or something, because Jose was making it see, making it making me see it in a different light And I'm just sitting here like we should, you know, especially after this like we should still go, and he's just like I don't think that that's the best idea. He goes. We're going to be spending money too. It's not just, it's all of us spending money. You know, like and he was right in hindsight, it didn't feel right in the moment, it felt like I felt guilty, like dang, we should have gone.
Speaker 1:But now that time has passed, we made the fucking right choice, because I've never been to the city. If I'm going to go, i want to go in good spirit, i want it to not be weird, i want it to not be awkward, i want it to and it's just like, if you need this, because it's helping you cope, like I love that for you, i want that for you, but I don't, and that should have been okay, it should have been okay And it wasn't. And I'm like, well, this isn't about you guys, and I'm like I understand the part that it's not about us, but I don't think you're understanding the part where it is about us, which is us going on the trip, us spending our money, us like being it's just it, just, it is what it is, but it's unfortunate, but I'm excited for our trip.
Speaker 2:I am so excited. I cannot wait. It's my first time, so that's going to be fun.
Speaker 1:We are popping Michael and his husband's cruise cherry. We're going on a day cruise and it's going to be so yummy And I'm really, really excited for that.
Speaker 2:Okay, So before you began your journey of setting boundaries right, There was a moment I'm sure And I think it goes for like a lot of us who are trying to set boundaries and going through the healing process. If you could go back and speak to your younger self about boundaries, what type of advice or what would you share with them of what you know now?
Speaker 1:I think when I was younger, i didn't know, obviously didn't know boundaries even existed, like I think my matroness too, i would have thought it, i would have seen it as an attack or as, like you being mean.
Speaker 1:But I think, knowing what I know now, first of all, i would tell my younger self, like the people who love you aren't going to leave, like you, setting boundaries is not a bad thing, it's not an attack, it's not you know, you drawing your sword, it's just you saying. This is how this makes me feel, and I don't really like how it makes me feel when this happens, because I feel like I watered myself down a lot And we've talked about this on multiple occasions Like, but I, you know, just from immediate family, just let's start at home. Right, That's where it starts, let's start with your immediate family. Like, i feel like I was always. Why are you crying? You cry so much, we can't tell you anything. You cry over everything. And so eventually I trained myself to not cry, like no matter how some things upset me or how angry they made me, my eyes would water, maybe the tears would fall, but I would swallow everything, literally gulp down my feelings. And because I'm too sensitive. I'm too this, i'm too that, and I think people who love you will give you the space to feel your feelings. They will make the space if they don't have it. And I I know that for a fact because I have been able to do it. I never thought I would, but I have been able to create the space, make space for people I care about when I didn't think I had it. There's times when life is really hard that I'm like I don't have time for this shit. But if you come to me with something, i don't know how it happens, but I make it. I make the room, i make the space. I love you that you're wiping your eyes. I wasn't trying to make you cry, but it just. I feel like that's what I would tell my younger self. Like you know, it was so hard to stay true to myself when I was younger because if my own people, who are my blood, are telling me that I'm too this, too that, and I cry too much and you can't even talk without crying and you cry about everything and we can't even tell you anything because you start crying, it's just like I don't know it's really fucked up. You know it's really fucked up because, above everything, they're supposed to be your family. So when your siblings are saying it or your parents are saying it, like you believe it, you believe that you are too sensitive, you believe that you are not enough, and so then you start to seek where you could be enough and in people, and you start to.
Speaker 1:I actually gravitated towards a lot of people that were like my siblings and like my parents, and that's why I ended up in fucked up relationships, because not just with friends, but with partners where it was familiar, and I thought I'm like, oh my God, this person's so not like the yeah, they were in different ways. The narcissism, the manipulation, the explosiveness, yeah, they were. They were similar in a lot of ways and it feels comfy, it feels like very comfy. And then, yeah, as far as like setting boundaries you're not being mean, like I would just tell my under self, like, set them, set them early, because you matter and your feelings matter and you are important And I think the people who love you won't leave. You know, sometimes people look for a reason to stop talking to you too, like oh, my God it's annoying And I'm like bruh okay, whatever, how old are we?
Speaker 1:But all right.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But you start to, you start to learn how to not take that to heart, like you start to just be like whatever Bumbastic side-eye, whatever.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, the reason why I started like tearing up is because it's like You literally said it. It almost, it literally takes away, like your sense of belonging, like you don't feel that you should be here, and everything you said is everything that I heard as a child. Like man up, i'm a man and I've manned up over time. You're too sensitive. My sensitivity has gotten me into a lot of different spaces and a lot of different rooms, having a lot of different conversations about the same exact thing, and it just it's so crazy how unfair it is for people to experience their families telling them that they're too sensitive, like it devalues me as a man, as a person, because you're telling me that I was too sensitive as a child.
Speaker 1:It's kind of crazy to me because, like, am I supposed, like as a child, am I supposed to not give a fuck? Like it baffles me because shouldn't we be concerned if I was over here like killing animals, you know, like, or like just having zero sensitivity, but instead it's you are too sensitive. What the fuck are you supposed to do when you're that age then? Not feel I don't, i don't, and it just, and I understand that it was lack of you know, looking at my parents, it comes from, like how they were treated as children And I think I'm the one who, like I don't care if you guys see it or not, especially my family like you don't want to do it and break those cycles.
Speaker 1:That's fine within your families, like I will, and I am very happy that, like, my partner and I are on the same page And that's probably why we're together, if we're honest, is because we have similar core values. We evaluate the same thing, we think about things similarly and we've both experienced it in different ways up at home. You know where you just see what you don't want and you see what you do want to give your family. So, yeah, i'm looking here.
Speaker 2:Like that the police and I talk about all the time is like what we see in our family in the future.
Speaker 1:So I love that. I love that because it means that you care. Now listen, don't be one of those parents who's like I'm never going to let my kids, because I have seen my sister do it, i have seen my friends do it. She was actually making fun of herself because when she was younger and she had kids before she, you know, when they were little I'm never going to let my kids do this, i'm never going to have. And then like, i'm like you did all of it. You are such a wuss, you did all of it.
Speaker 1:And as long as you're just not like I'm never going to, you know, let my kids have this many toys. That's ridiculous. The playroom is never going to look like this, okay, so before I became a teacher, i nannied for years And let me just tell you, i was a nanny with this family for four or five years And when she was pregnant to when she had the boys and they were like you know, four or whatever, i'm never going to. And it's like here's iPad, here's the phone, go like, do whatever the hell you want. Like I don't, i'm never going to have my, let my kids have too much technology. And it's like you can't say that you are never going to be this parent because life is going to come back and bite you in the ass. It's just different, like I'm not even a parent and I know that, like I have seen it literally And I probably obviously am saying it because I have seen it firsthand.
Speaker 2:But I love that you guys never doesn't exist when you have children.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:It does not exist when you have kids Like I don't have kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:But I know this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly So. so what does setting boundaries in the digital age look like for you, like managing technology and social media, because you don't struggle with any of that.
Speaker 2:Do you? I don't? Yes, i actually. I struggle with that a lot And it's so funny that you even ask that question, because it's hard for me to disconnect. As soon as that notification pops up, i'm on it. I have to respond to this person Like I make it in immediate things. Same thing with work. I can't disconnect from it. If somebody messages me at eight o'clock, i feel like I have to message them back at eight o'clock.
Speaker 2:When you said earlier that you guys used to keep your phones out of the room, i was like, damn, why didn't I think of this? I might have to go unplug my charger and just put it in the bathroom overnight, because I find myself I will wake up in the middle of the night And people are always like, why don't you sleep throughout the night? I do, but sometimes when I just wake up, i'm like, oh, let me grab my phone and start scrolling, like I have yet to set that boundary for myself and I need to. But I don't know what that looks like yet And I don't think I'm at that place in my journey where the social media part is what's hindering me or causing any issues with boundaries. But soon, very, very soon, i need to set them, because I posted something yesterday and I was just like, oh, i need to see what everybody's saying, but it wasn't helping me and it wasn't doing anything for me. I said what I needed to say, i got it off my chest and I let it go.
Speaker 1:You actually set boundaries. I'm not sure if you're aware, but your statement. so, for those of you who don't know, go see his latest post because it's there. He saved it to his speed because he meant what he said. period Per, Anyway, you set boundaries.
Speaker 1:You literally set boundaries within your post when you were like, if my brownness bothers you, if my gayness bothers you, fuck off. And if people still want to stay there and follow you, what I think? what boils my blood a little bit, i don't know. You can tell me if you feel this way, when people will like it or like that's how they show support. But God forbid, they comment, but they'll fucking. How are you and have you been? it's like you don't give a fuck about me, you don't care about me, you just want to know the T like go away. Like I know what you're doing, but I'm sitting here being nice to you. It's just annoying. It's annoying, but I'm not sure if you knew that you were setting boundaries when you did that too. Like you really struggled with first of all posting it.
Speaker 1:But I think you are because of therapy. I have seen it, michael. Like you are not so angry all the time. You are not so like bomb waiting to explode, like because you are fragile. You are a very fragile being, but not fragile like a flower, you're fragile like a fucking bomb, and I have seen what therapy has done for you and just how happy you are in general. So I think it was when you get to this point of your life where you start to really find yourself because for me I'm still doing that. To me I feel like I'm going to be 99 finding myself But when you start to really understand and I think the word that's coming next is the hardest when you start to accept yourself for where you are, who you are and why you are the way you are you start wanting to put up with less fucking bullshit?
Speaker 1:And I think for me, putting the phones away that was desperate times, calls for desperate measures. Because I worked for my phone, social media made my business, so I was constantly on it. I was constantly working when we would travel. I didn't know how to fucking relax because I felt like that instant gratification I needed to, and it was just awful kind of euphoria. It was just not what I needed, not the right endorphins, not the right type of dopamine, and now I just don't care. I'm just like listen, people who have been here for a while, you know how it works. Okay, i'll let you know when the RTS drop is. Don't be mean to me because I'll block you. I just don't care anymore. I'm just not trying to keep up with the Jonas's. I don't care. And I think for me around that time too, humans are weird. So around that time, what's crazy is.
Speaker 1:One of the most terrifying emotions that I would experience was joy. I am someone who set goals and accomplished them very early on. Goals that I like were on my vision board that I'd never in the million years thought I would accomplish. And when I started hitting those like vision board goals and like I constantly fell into a place of what do I do now, what's next? Like well, i did that shit. I just said that like January was like last month, so like I need new goals, like it just.
Speaker 1:And what I realized is I was not allowing myself to feel joy, because for me and someone who first said this was Brené Brown and she used to be a professor at U of H, but I think I've told you this but I associated joy with uh-oh, something's going to happen, because I would not allow myself to experience, like when I hit those accomplishments, i would celebrate it for like a day and then I'd be like what's next? Like what is next, let's go. Like let's go, next thing, let's go. And it was because I can't, i can't, i can't stay here, i can't really feel the joy for weeks. I can't because if I do, something's going to fucking hit the fan. Something's going to happen. If my relationships are good, if my partner is amazing, if my life is good and I'm accomplishing my goals, i got to keep it moving because if I don't, something bad's going to happen.
Speaker 2:And I feel like you have been monitoring my therapy sessions. I was literally, literally that was my last week session about the fact that I feel like every time I have something good, something bad is about to come and rip it away, literally that.
Speaker 1:So me getting off socials allows me to experience joy. I do not feel joyous when I'm on my phone. I don't care if it's working 24 seven. I've gone to the point where I grew. I grew my, i grew my account. I did what I was supposed to do. I'm going to, i'm going to stop, because what is the fucking point of working so hard like I did to not enjoy it? What is the point of working so hard to run yourself ragged and burn out and not be creative half the year, because you're just kind of like I'm going to take a one week break and and then what? Like you're not going to be back to normal because you're just so busy trying to keep up that you still look burnt out. Like you know, like it just be real with yourself, like I don't know. I think it just looks different for everybody, but for me it's just. I've someone told me once you turn 30, i was. Do you remember how sad I was to turn 30? Do you remember that?
Speaker 2:How I was I literally cried.
Speaker 1:I literally cried when I was 29, turning 30. I cried because I was like I am no longer going to be in my twenties. Like this is miserable, this is awful, i don't love this for me, i don't want this. And Michael, we were on the phone or whatever And he was just kind of like Oh my God, it's not that big of a deal. But I had a friend who told me I've heard, your thirties are like some of your best years. Like you just started saying no, and sure enough, sure enough, i turned 30 and this switch just like turned on And now I'm just like, no, i'm not doing that.
Speaker 1:Nope, i'm not posting that. Nope, i'm not going there. Nope, i don't care who it's for. Like I'm not going to, i'm not going to do stuff that I do not want to do. You will not force me to spend time with people I don't want to spend time with. And now I'm just, i'm just living in that where I'm just kind of like, well, i did this for me. But if you're going to take it personal, then you do you and I'll do me Like I'm not going to sit here and explain things for you because I feel like I've already done the work, i'm not going to do it for you too, like that's your responsibility.
Speaker 2:And that's what a lot of people need to focus on is doing the work. I think we get so caught up in the so and so matter me because I'm not talking to them. Yes, well, they're doing the work and you're not salary, so that's a part of the reason, right there, and I think I used to look back at that. Well, i look at, i've looked at that in the recent months since I've been going to therapy, and I would be like there were moments where I would text my room and you I think everybody knows when you text somebody, how that text reads may not be conveyed in the same way as if it were verbally, and there were sometimes. I would text you and I'm like the response back you said absolutely nothing wrong, but I'm so knee deep in my head because I haven't been doing the work that I'm like, oh shit, she's mad at me, Like I fucked up when I did it.
Speaker 2:I just created this whole freaking narrative that didn't really exist And we actually had a conversation about this, and I think that's what people need to do more of is do the work on themselves and realize that it's not all about you. Like she said in the beginning, you're not the main character in my story. I'm the main character. You're just here, so yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i feel like, yes, not only do people need to start doing the work, i can talk, communicate. Do you know how much and I know you know you know how much a drama there's been in the summer community of people just not communicating, just like hearsay. Like Michael, if I heard you were talking shit about me because you're my friend and we talk on a daily basis, weekly basis, you better believe I'm going to call you up, michael. Is it true that I'm not going to go to my stories and someone's talking shit about me? And I'm like bro, do you even know if this is this reliable source? Do they have proof? Like, do we not ask for like receipts anymore? Like, if you, you know, claim to have them, can you show us? Can you not just say it, you know? can we just not take your word for it? Can you prove it? It's just like let's communicate, let's have conversations, let's let's put our big girl panties on. And, as weird or awkward as it is, not everything is a fight, not everybody's out to get you. The world is not conspiring against you. And I feel like, yes, people need to do the work, but people also need to learn how to fucking communicate effectively.
Speaker 1:And another thing is in text messages, and I'm glad you know this about me now. I'm just fucking dry. I'm just like yes, like no, no quotations, like no, no, punctuation, just like no. And like I have learned through you guys now just stick an emoji in there, just so we know you're not mad, and like it's a joke. It's a joke, but like I understand it, i'm like, oh, okay, and it's just funny, because when we talk like this, you would think, okay, but like they know that I'm not mad, like this is how, like, but it's just. I guess through the reading and text And you guys are not the first people to tell me that I'm just, i think I'm. I am really good with expressing how I feel And I get right to the point and I cut it dry. And sometimes I'm too dry And I think because I have friends like you who sometimes overthink I just need to like I'm not mad, like, by the way, lol, emoji.
Speaker 2:Yes, however, that is also on the receiving party.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2:To mention it and say like, hey, this is how I'm feeling. I know, after talking to you, that that's not your intent. However, this is how it makes you feel. I think it's up to that person to mention that, so like you're not just left out there all high and dry, like let me cater to them. They need to be able to tell you specifically, and a lot of I think a lot of our relationship has been.
Speaker 2:When we first started developing this relationship, there were things that you used to tell me about myself and I would be like yeah, i don't want to hear that, i hear this, but it's true. Like we would sit at our one on one and I'm like take it. Like earlier you were talking about, if you're going to take a break, take a break, don't take one week off. And I remember it was October of 2021. And I said I just didn't feel creative And you were like no, michael, you're burnt out, you're exhausted, and I can see it, i can see it, i can see it, i can see it. I feel like I knew that, but it took you saying it to me very bluntly, like a punch in the face, like you're gonna you hear me and you're gonna hear me right now You're exhausted and you need to take time. Take the time that you need and come back when you feel like it, when you feel you're already coming back. Don't take a day and say I'm finally rested and you think it's gonna be okay.
Speaker 2:I've literally not really crafted in the last month and a half. I have been enjoying my life and my growth and my weight loss journey all of those things Because I'm taking the time that I need. When I come back, it's over for you bitches. It's over Like y'all are gonna be sick of me and I'm okay with that. I just want y'all to be okay with that and be prepared for when I come back. But I just needed to take that time for myself. Again, a lot of people don't know how to do that Because we're so caught up in what social media is now. You have to post every day, you have to do all of the things and it's just like you don't do what makes you happy.
Speaker 1:And I think, like that goes back to that instant gratification of like I have to post this because I need to hear people say that I'm awesome and that I'm so talented and that I'm free. Why do you need that? Why can't you tell your fucking self? You want people to be nice to you. Be nice to your fucking self. Take a picture of yourself as a fucking baby, as a child, on your phone and remember why you're doing this shit every day. You're doing it for the little you.
Speaker 2:That's what you're doing it for You gotta go have a conversation with yourself in that mirror.
Speaker 1:No, seriously, hey, michael, hi, like seriously, just do it for yourself. How are you so nice to other people, how are you so many compliments but you can't give them to yourself or accept them? You know, like it, just you know, i struggled with that, so that's why I'm like I'm speaking with it from experience, but also, just, i don't know. It irritates me when people are like I'm so burnt out but I'm not getting off social media. Maybe, if you put the phone down and not be on your stories and call it off social media, just get off and like breathe. But then there's people who get off and then they're still in their craft room just every day. They don't have a structure, they don't have. They're still creating and I'm like, yeah, like you still look burnt out. Maybe you should try that again. You know, but people are gonna do what they want to do and I'm not someone you know me, i'm not someone who's gonna go and give unsolicited opinions Like, and that's something that you hate about me You used to be like tell me.
Speaker 1:And I'm like no, i just say it.
Speaker 2:But I'm glad that you did it, because a lot of those situations, had you told me and I had been prepared, i wouldn't have learned. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i'm just a big believer in you asking. If you ask me for advice, if you ask me for help, if you ask, i'll give it to you. But if you don't ask me, i'm not gonna give it to you. I've always been that way.
Speaker 2:Oh I like that. I just want to know. I am big on feedback, yeah, but not everybody is, and I know you have it, yes. So everybody's hearing this. Myra, anytime you feel like giving it to me, you have permission to just.
Speaker 1:I'm still not gonna do it. Like you know, i'm not gonna do it. I know And, to be honest, i think it's because in the past I have felt too opinionated and I have felt like I, the people who I was too opinionated with, didn't like it. So I think that's why also, you know, it's like a reflex to like don't say anything, don't ask, don't, don't nothing, yeah.
Speaker 2:I do want to go back to this. You were talking about the post that I posted And I didn't want to like dwell on this too long, so we've been like brushed by it pretty quick. But the one thing that I was the most terrified about about posting this post was getting backlash, it turning into drama. People asking now the questions of well, who is it? Who are you talking about?
Speaker 2:Oh, Michael, I hate that I was so concerned about that Because I'm like I don't want to get into all of that because that's not. that's not the reason for this post.
Speaker 1:But you have every right to feel that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it just it felt really uneasy. I told you it took me hours to write that I had to take breaks and it wasn't a lot that was written, but it was how I felt And I think people just don't. People take for granted the fact that we get to get online and enjoy and do what we do every single day. I should be able to do that without having to worry about anything. Also, social media etiquette is a thing. Everything is not about drama. You can get on and you can say how you feel about a situation and let it go.
Speaker 2:Everybody in your DMs does not need to know Right. They need to know your DMs because I care of what drama is going on. I don't care about that. That's why I posted it. I let it go. I appreciate anybody who supported it. However, that is just how I felt.
Speaker 1:And I've learned that not everybody has your best interest in mind. Some people just want to see what you're up to, but not necessarily because they care, just so they can take it back to their posse. Like because people get curious, right? That's why trash TV, reality TV exists is because they want to talk shit or they want to know, they want to be in the know. And there's one person who always checks in on me and I'm like you're not checking in on me because you give a fuck about me. But okay, whatever, like it's whatever, but it's most of the time it's because I want to be able to take it back And like I guess you're that board where you need something to talk about, that you need to take it back to your posse. But I bet I bet that you would feel that way because of, like what we've seen in the past in this community, where it's like well, so and so said, and I asked and they said, and it's just, it turns into this game of telephone And then by the time you're done, you're told that you have a group chat about people And I'm just like I was not aware. Thank you for letting me know that I had one. I don't know where it is, but like, are you for real, like I wouldn't you? you think I first of all have a time and would be fucking stupid to like do that? I don't know. Sometimes it baffles me sometimes, but I think people will believe what they want to believe. But you have every right to also have been kind of reluctant to post it, even though it's how you felt, based off of how people react in this community.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that fight or flight kicked in and it was like, oh, what if someone's like who is this? Or what if someone is like super homophobic and goes to talk about shit? And while you were saying it right now, you know what the first thing I thought about was. The first thing I thought about it when you said that just now, as you were describing how you felt or like the reluctancy or what you were worried about, the first thing to my mind was who gives a fuck, who gives a fuck Like? but hearing you, i'm like, oh, yeah, no, totally. I could totally see why you were kind of concerned with how people would react and why you had that that instant gratification need to go see what everybody was saying and who was commenting and what with it? because of people reposting things, because next thing you know you're on a hit list. I don't fucking know, you know like I get it. But I guess what I'm trying to say is don't you ever worry about that, because I, as your friend, will always be here to keep you grounded, to remind you who gives a flying fuck, yeah, who cares. And even if that had happened, let people show their true colors.
Speaker 1:You know how many people, especially in our community, hide behind, like how they truly feel about people who. It baffles me to this day that people are so personally affected by your, your, your life choices that do not affect them in any way, shape or form. Like I will never understand why people get so triggered with what other people do with their lives, their bodies. Like your beliefs are yours, but why does it affect you that there's a gay black man who has a husband? I will never understand that because it does not affect you in any way, shape or form. But I get it. I get where that sort of reluctancy, slash, fear, slash, what it? what are they going to say? I get where that comes from.
Speaker 2:It was a very uncomfortable situation And even like, just tell my husband about it and like he was just like you're going to be fine And I got your back, let me know what you need, and that I was able to just just bring. After having that conversation, i talked to you about it. I was able to just like let it be what it was Again. Yes, it was kind of like in the back of my mind, but I'm just like it is what it is. People are going to be who they are And I can't control that. I can just say set my boundaries of how I feel and I can just let it go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, because you don't control people, and I think sometimes we get caught up in the wanting to say our piece or our part or our you know our own narrative. But what's the point? Like, yeah, like, these people are the same people who, like, preach about wanting to raise their families a certain way. I don't know why they don't just do that. I don't know why they don't just focus on that. Like, do that, then You know, like, if you strongly believe something and at your core you, you know, are going to raise this type of mentality, then do that. Like. No, i don't understand. Like, no one is stopping you. So why can't people like you just breathe and live an existing piece? I do not understand. It's almost like them doing that with our families. Not enough, they also have to kind of control how other people do it too. And that's where I'm just kind of like okay, this is a little weird, you're weird, but also thanks for like showing me where you stand, because weird behavior. Well, thank you for sharing that with me and thank you for coming on this episode. I am really excited, i'm really happy that I got to do this episode with you and I can't wait for everyone to listen to it. So thank you, guys for spending your Monday morning with us.
Speaker 1:You can find Michael over on Instagram at crafty with a Y. Well, duh, how else do you spell it? I was thinking in Spanish. Sorry, i was a little slow there. It caught up really quick though. Crafty pink scorpion, but pink with a Y Crafty pink scorpion. On Instagram And on Facebook, him and Kia have a Facebook group where you can join to learn how to make tumblers. Just have a community where you feel like you belong And that is called on Facebook House of Tumblers H-A-U-S of tumblers. It's also linked on his Instagram, so I will have his socials in the description of this episode. As always, thank you for spending your Monday with us.
Speaker 2:Goodbye everybody. So long, farewell. Talk to you all soon. Myra, thank you so much for having me. It's always love talking to you, so this yeah, keep having these conversations. They help a lot of people A little. Do you know? I think it's in my mind when they do She listened. I love that. You need to listen to this. You especially need to listen to this. But, yeah, i appreciate you a lot.
Speaker 1:Thank you, i love you And I appreciate you as well. And everyone, listen, don't forget to drink big, amigas and amigos. We'll see you on the next one.