Marriage in Real Life
Marriage in Real Life
Real Conversations on Marriage: Wisdom from 23 Years with the Stokes
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Relationships are not always simple and straightforward. Often they are filled with complexities, joys, and hurdles that couples must navigate together. In our latest episode, we welcome the Stokes couple, who share their unique journey through marriage and parenthood with us. This candid conversation delves into their insights from raising seven daughters, offering lessons on patience, understanding, and teamwork in parenting.
One of the central themes of our discussion revolves around the significance of faith as a core unifying element in their relationship. The Stokes describe how a shared belief system serves not only as a backbone during challenging times but also fosters deeper emotional and spiritual understanding. Throughout the episode, they also stress how vital communication is in overcoming feelings of overwhelm and experiencing genuine connection.
In addition, we highlight essential self-care strategies and the importance of maintaining a thriving partnership, even after children grow and leave home. The Stokes' experiences shed light on how to cultivate joy in marriage, proving that amid the chaos of family life, it's crucial to carve out space for each other and ensure that love continues to flourish.
Tune in for a wealth of anecdotes, laughter, and practical advice that can help strengthen your relationship. Engage with us, share your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe for more insightful episodes. Whether married for years or just starting, there’s something for everyone in this heartfelt journey.
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Welcome to Marriage in Real Life
Speaker 1Well, welcome to Marriage in Real Life, welcome. Thank you for joining us. Yes, yes, yes, yes, that's another time. Hey, I'm so glad everybody's here, right, right. Well, I'm Eric, I'm Boss Lady P, all right, and we're Marriage in Real Life, all right. Well, what's been happening these last two weeks, babe you know how we start out oh, a lot's been going on. It ain't been that much.
Speaker 2We went on a date.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, yeah, we went on a date. We had that date. Yeah, we went on a date, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2What else? What else are we supposed to do?
Speaker 1Where did we go on a date? What was that?
Speaker 2Well, we went to that festival in Pompano on Hammondsville we did some Valentine's.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 2I remember we were saying oh, why is Valentine's Day catered to the women? Why is Valentine's Day catered to the women? I said it's not catered to women. I think, just growing up as a young girl, we always saw the man present a gift, so we just followed suit. So after you made this stink about not, being appreciated on Valentine's Day did I not appreciate you.
Speaker 1Yeah, you did, you did. I give you a shout out and I give you a clap. You did, but I got you the best.
Speaker 2You did All right, I got you the best.
Speaker 1I spoiled you in front of your whole school.
Highlights from Recent Events
Speaker 2The whole faculty.
Speaker 1All right, I'm back to that. Hey, I be doing it, I be doing it.
Speaker 2Okay, so we did do that. We did a christening yesterday for Muffin.
Speaker 1Yeah, for Muffin. My grandbaby Give a shout out to her, so sweet she. My grandbaby Give a shout out to Mai, so sweet.
Speaker 2She's so good and she's going to be two on Friday.
Speaker 1Yes, yeah on Friday she's going to be two, all right, and she already moved up to the two-year-old class. No, she hasn't. Oh, you didn't tell me that.
Speaker 2I just found out today.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, okay, Four hours ago.
Speaker 2Okay that, so we've been busy yeah we've been busy. Yeah, getting ready for the church anniversary?
Speaker 1Yeah, we're getting ready for church anniversary and things like that. So yeah, it's been quite a thing.
Speaker 2Productive. Yeah, man, I'm telling you Getting things done.
Speaker 1Yeah, we've been getting things done Well. We want to give a shout out to Rob all the way from Orlando. We know several people are watching with us. Please make sure. Sure, izzy, izzy, izzy, all right, how you doing, izzy, all right, so we just thank you for joining us tonight. We have a very special show tonight. We have another interview, and so we're so happy to have this young couple. We've known them for a long time and so we're so happy to have them on our show tonight, as they share and just do it. So I'm ready to get into it, cause you already told me that we got a time limit.
Speaker 2Oh no, I just said listen here, bro, let's not go over our time.
Speaker 1You gave me a time limit.
Speaker 2You bought me into the game. You said an hour. These, these podcasts has been starting to go an hour 15, hour 20.
Speaker 1go an hour 15 hour 20, but they'd be so good, don't you think they'd be good, they'd be awesome, right? So what's the deal? I mean, you don't want them to go that, or what? What? What do you what? So what are you saying? Huh, okay, hey, we get a shout out to samson. Get a shout out to samson too, all right, and so what were you saying? You don't want?
Speaker 2I'm saying that just know the audience. If the audience is quiet, then it's time to.
Speaker 1Well, all the time the audience don't be quiet.
Speaker 2Sometimes you be like come on, come on, talk to me, talk to me, talk to me. Somebody. Call in 754-222-2219. Y'all know I'm right.
Speaker 1Oh man, y'all know I'm right. I Y'all know I'm right. Oh man, y'all know I'm right. I don't want to hear that.
Speaker 2All right, go all the way, go all the way. I mean, I'm the type of person that I kind of just am observing. If I see things going in a certain direction, then I know, but you're not.
Speaker 1And I guess that's what makes us connect, because we're so different in that aspect.
Speaker 2We're so different in that aspect. I believe in saying hey, can you come up and do a prayer? Not, hey, you come on up here and give us a prayer, that's it. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1You know how. The rule is it ain't?
Speaker 2no, everybody don't go by that rule just because we were raised that way.
Speaker 1The rule is look especially as a leader. You come to church with a prayer, a song and a word and a scripture.
Speaker 2But these people, don't be leaders. Everybody I call man. You know what?
Speaker 1Okay, pastor, hey hey, ask Izzy, izzy know I do that.
Speaker 2Ask Harold how many times you just say hey, harold, I want you to come over here and pray for this.
Speaker 1Oh man, Now he called me out. Well, Rob ain't never experienced that, so I don't want to hear that Be prepared, Rob you next. All right, we're going to get into our interview tonight. We're so glad to have this young couple with us. Like I said, we've known them for a long time and we're looking forward to a good conversation tonight.
Speaker 2Absolutely.
Speaker 1They up there in the cold.
Speaker 2Yeah, but the sun is out.
Speaker 1The sun is out. They say it ain't the Florida sun.
Speaker 2But it's enough sun, Trust me. I remember living in Virginia. The rarest snowstorm since I was born happened the year I moved there, so I understand when the sun come out when it's snow on the ground.
Speaker 1It ain't the Florida sun.
Speaker 2It definitely ain't the Florida sun, it ain't enough to melt it, but it's enough for you to say hey, I can take off a layer today, all right, so here we go Break a bone, hey, hey.
Speaker 1Marriage of real life. We want to welcome the Stokes tonight. All the way from North Carolina Come on. Hey how y'all doing, how y'all doing, how y'all doing.
Speaker 5Doing great. How are you?
Speaker 1We're doing good. We're doing good, we're so glad to to have you on tonight to share with us we. We, like you said, we marriage in real life and we just talk about marriage and in in what the real things that happen, because there's difficulties and there's good times and there's bad times and sometimes what we found out. A lot of people want to talk about the good times and but they don't want to talk about the bad times. And then when they see your marriage because we've been married almost 33 years and they want to say, well, I want a marriage just like that, but they never know exactly what we've been through in order to get to where we are now.
Speaker 1So we just wanted to bring you on and just and just have a conversation with you. Are you all right with that? Yes, all right. Right with that? Yes, all right, all right. So introduce yourself to the to, to the world, and tell us a little bit about yourself. You can go as much as you want to and we will. We'll just follow on in, all right, let's go.
Speaker 5Yes, I'm johnny stokes and we've been married 23 years Together 24 years. And, let's see, we live in North Carolina. I'm not supposed to introduce us, okay, oh?
Speaker 1Yes, sir.
Speaker 5Yes, sir, but yeah, that's me. Oh, oh, should I say how many kids I have? Seven kids, all seven girls. Bruh, hold, on hold, on hold on hold on Bruh.
Speaker 1You had seven girls and with Johnny, make eight. Bruh, how did you do it? I had four right Plus passing five. That right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah right. Plus passive five, that right, yeah, right, yeah. And man. So you got hey. Before you go into father, tell me how did you do it, please. Please, tell the congregation how you did. Oh man oh, jesus are we introducing?
Speaker 3are we still introducing?
Speaker 3oh, and they answer the question yeah okay, so I'm steve and, like she said, we've been married 23 years, been together, 24. We have seven girls, seven beautiful girls, and it was some ups and downs, it was a rollercoaster ride. Me being the only male in the house, it definitely takes a lot of patience to raise women little women, yes, little women. So, and God had to give me a lot of patience and how to really how can you say it? How to really train or raise each individual personality. So each one of them was different in their own little way. So and I think a lot of parents knows their kids but that really takes a lot of patience, a lot of attention and things of that nature.
Speaker 5So I can't say it was easy, I'm not going to sit here and say it was easy.
Speaker 3There's plenty of times I want to walk out and go and don't come back. Plenty of times I want to put my head through the wall. But you definitely have to have a lot of patience and make sure you have the endurance to raise children and girls at that. Raising boys and raising girls is totally different. With girls you got to be stern but also sympathetic and impatient and kind and understanding, and with boys it's more so. Hey, man, hey, get yourself together, let's get this together. Girls you got to talk through it.
Speaker 3You got to explain you got to make sure they understand and make sure, hey, this is not correct, this is right, so forth and so on. So it's just one of those things that you just have to continue to do, and I still do to this day, even though most of them, a lot of them, is out of my house now, so they still call mom, dad, how you do this, mom, dad, what we do with this or what we do. So you still have to make sure you have that patience for them.
Speaker 1Wow, yes, I get a shout out. I got to give you a shout out. I gotall Boy. I got to give you a shout out. I got to give you a salute. I got to give you a salute.
Speaker 2Yeah, appreciate it. Man Appreciate it.
Speaker 1So we may have people that be online. They may ask questions, and so we'll read throughout if they have questions or comments. That's what we do. But we want to ask you. I want to say and I know both of you are Christians and I know Lord has brought y'all a mighty long way, and so I want to ask you this How's your faith influenced your marriage over the years, especially during the difficult times? How's that? Especially during the difficult times? How's that?
Introduction to the Stokes Couple
Speaker 3I mean mainly the faith is the glue. It's the glue to us, man. We can't move forward. We can't do anything without that. So we always want to make sure it's the glue. It's the thing that keep us together, it's the thing that we go to when we're upset. It's the thing that we make sure we understand and make sure that we are on the same page not just same page in a relationship, but on the same page biblically, on the same page, spiritually on the same page. Because a lot of people think more so physical side of it, but they forget about the spiritual side, where you have to be on the same page with that and you got to make it the glue. It's not always going to be easy. Sometimes we don't even see out of it.
Speaker 3I'm like why are you praying? What are you praying for? But we have to make sure that and that calms you down. At the end of the day, it calms you down, it brings you together and you really seek understanding and clarity on why this is happening. Something is about to happen. Something great is about to happen for us, something great is about to shift, something great is about to transpire. If you're arguing or don't like each other, or if something is happening, that means something is definitely about to happen for your good. So you always want to have understanding and clarity for that.
Speaker 5Yeah, I think, even with the faith, because, as we know, faith you don't see right, it's just something you have to have positivity in and that's what kept us in. When it got really bad and let me say it got bad, bad we would always take it to the natural earth, we would take it to the water, we would go to the beach Because it's for some reason going out there.
Speaker 5It calmed us it was like a nice calming thing and it would calm us and then we would be able to have clarity and then talk. Then we can talk to each other and talk through it, like, okay, well, this is why you hurt my feelings and or this is why he'll say why he hurt his feelings, like we had to be able to hear each other. You know what I mean? We, we allowed that calmness and then we used the waves Like Faith. We just like, okay, we're going to put it out there and we're just going to let it go, because there's the waves, it just keeps going and it flows on and on and we just had to know how to. We just operated in that for us.
Speaker 1Okay, y'all ain't got no beach up in North Carolina.
Speaker 5What y'all do now?
Speaker 3Y'all go to the lake. Yeah, we go to the lake. Oh right, yeah, we got a beach in Wilmington, so we'll drive up that way and we'll hang out up there.
Speaker 5It's like a three-hour drive.
Speaker 1So y'all not too far from Wilmington. I mean because I went to I was stationed in Camp Lejeune, which is not that far from Wilmington. I mean because I went to I was stationed in Camp Lejeune, which is not that far, yeah, so okay, yeah, all right.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, we're not too far from there, yeah, cool it was, it was for us.
Speaker 5We just went ahead and drove. We knew we needed a weekend, like, okay, you know what, let's go ahead and take this, let's let's take it back to what, how we did in Florida.
Speaker 2So that's what we did wow, that is awesome and I like the fact that you acknowledge that each other's feelings was hurt and you was able to express like my feelings was hurt and this is how even though you may have didn't intend to hurt my feelings, but this is how I perceived it. So when you acknowledge it, it makes a real a difference my baby be speaking knowledge and she be dropping them gems.
Speaker 1I have to give her a clap every time she drops a gem.
Speaker 2So like, okay, so let's go to the parenting part of it. With seven kids, how did you guys manage to how would I say, stay connected as a couple, because we had a house full too, so it was a little rough, but we made it work. Yes, give me an example of how you guys stay connected with parenting working full time.
Speaker 3We had a strategy that always worked for us. It's never me and her against each other when it comes to kids. We always work together and it's pretty much we did it as a team. In parenting you get the one parent that feels a certain way about another thing, or how they want to discipline, or how they want to correct or how they want to, but it was always more so of well, how do you want to handle the situation, or things of that nature. And most times I'll ask her, she'll ask me and we'll come as a team and we work together to correct, discipline, dress feed, Whatever we had to do. It was more so a team and it always kept each other first, Because sometimes in parenting you want to be like, oh, my baby, my baby, my child, you can leave, and it's never that, because we know the assignment that we have to do this together. And most times when you divide and it creates division, because one thing about children they're going to stick together.
Speaker 3They're going to stick together and it's the parents that always create the division in any type of circumstances, because the kids, that's all they got. They like hey, they sleep together, they eat together and they don't know division unless it's introduced. So if the parents can basically make sure that they stay together, then the kids are definitely going to fall in line. So with faith, with Christianity, with anything, you never want to do any of those things in front of children and always remain one, always remain connected and together when making decisions while raising children.
Speaker 5And I think the biggest thing, especially for us women, I know, for me we have our motherly instincts right, so we're a little more softer with our kids and we're more in touch because we carry them right. So, and I allowed him to be the disciplinary, I allowed him, I allowed to. Okay, if we're Christians and we follow in the Bible, he was the leader, so I allowed him to lead if it was something that I might have thought or felt.
Speaker 5It was a. I was like, oh, he'll start. Like, oh, I was feeling something with my kids because, you know, because us women, we do have a little connection with our children, whether it be daughters or sons I just waited and I allowed him. I would allow him to do the discipline, I would allow him to do the sternness. I would always allow him to lead. That was the biggest thing.
Speaker 5You have to allow children to see that, like okay, what did your dad say? Or because kids will try to come in in between that. And if they see the slightest, if they see a slightest divvy, like he said, if they see two parents, like they see my face reaction and they see just that's, all they need is a little bit, then they try to play on that. So I was always making sure that I allowed him and then I backed him up and we, we, whatever the decision was always unison, so and that's a big thing for us. So everything we did, it was like everything always started with so and that's a big thing for us. So everything we did, it was like everything always started with him, then me, and then we go from there. So that's usually how we did it and we allow. That's how it's always been and it worked out.
Speaker 5They couldn't play us against each other. Because kids can. They will try that. You know what I mean. They will try to play the parents against each other because they will use the empathy. They will use all of that, especially with the mom or whoever, whichever parents the softest, if they see it, kids are very smart. They're very, they're very, they're like, they watch everything. They're sponges.
Speaker 5So, I just made sure like, okay, I didn't allow them to play on my heartstring because they will, and they're like mom dad is so on, and I'd be like, well, baby, you gotta understand you gotta see it and I had to stay with it they'll come and ask me, because they'll know he's more stern or he's a disciplinary.
Speaker 5They'll ask me before they ask him and I always make sure, hey, did you ask your dad? Or wait till we're together, and then I'll answer yeah. So I always allow him to lead and be the leadership as the parenting. So we follow that, follow that.
Speaker 1Wait, did our girls do that? Did they come to you? No, because did they come to you when I was being an example? We would tell people all the time I was in the military and I came home. I was in Quantico and man, I came home they weren't cleaning a room and I just came in. I just destroyed their room like I was in the military it was girls and destroyed their room like I was, like they was in the military and they was girls and I just just I mean I just destroyed it. I put everything in the middle of the twins. I put every. I mean I just dumped everything in the middle. But, like you said, pastor came to me and said first of all she said, hey, you're gonna be doing my girls like that.
Speaker 2But then she said mind, the room was clean, Y'all. They forgot to make the beds. They were about to miss the bus and the comforter was not made up and he just went through the room like a hurt, like a hurricane, and I was like these ain't no, marines, don't come up in here. Doing this to these kids they the bed. You see what first said.
Speaker 1Fer said we were wrong. That's right, Fer the bed wasn't made.
Speaker 2That was it, Don't do that to them. So yeah, but I did have to go back to the kids and say, listen, I understand me and Daddy's going to talk about it and it'll be a different approach the next time. And so that's kind of how that went out. But they would say, hey, Mom, dad said I can go to the dance if you said I could go. Yeah, yeah, no, you're not going to the dance.
Speaker 4Let me talk to your dad.
Speaker 2Oh, you don't have to talk to him. Oh, thank you. That's how dad said it, me too.
Speaker 4You don't have to, he said it.
The Role of Faith in Marriage
Speaker 2He said it, well, let me just confirm it with him. Yeah, let me just confirm it with him. So, yeah, you're right, but I think in the process of that, we still try to stay connected with us. In the process of raising these kids, we still try to do things for us to make sure that we have. If we don't, we won't stand strong and, like Stokes said, it's going to be a division. So they got to see, got come together as a collaborative as well as us still having us. So yeah, so I get that.
Speaker 1I get that and before we move on, I mean izzy says that they take it to the water as well, as, as, like you said earlier, that about going to the water. Well, it's funny how, in the church, we say when we get ready for baptism, what we say take it to the water, take it to the water.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2But you know, it's something about the water, I'm telling you I don't know, it's just really been in my spirit lately that I want to go to the beach and I don't like the beach y'all.
Speaker 2I don't like the sand, I don't like. I'm like what? I like, nothing about the beach. But my spirit has been saying you know, I feel like I need to go to the beach. I don't like wildlife and I'm so afraid an alligator going to come out of that thing and try and get me Because they be on the beach. They been on the beach y'all. So I'm like, why do I feel the need to go there? But I remember in the past going out there with my Bible and just sitting on a blanket and reading my Bible.
Speaker 3Oh, that's a beautiful thing right there.
Speaker 2So much peace and I felt so calm and I was like I need a revival there, I need to rejuvenate. So yeah, so I get it. It's so much happens out there, especially when you're alone and you ain't really you just communing with God first thing in the morning. Oh, my God, it's amazing, that's definitely an idea. I'm taking you with me. I'll be on your side of the beach and I'll be on my side of the beach.
Speaker 1That's a lot of beach there. Great thing we got to have that much in between us.
Speaker 2Then we'll come together.
Speaker 1Do I need to go on Fort Myers Beach and you stay on Fort Lauderdale Beach? Not that far, okay.
Speaker 2The two or three are gathering. We can't be gathering if you're all over there, bro.
Speaker 1Hey, we got Malika, Malika, our daughter-in-law. She says we know we often make it to the water when adversity strikes. Yeah, so I guess that is a calming thing. When there's a lot of adversity, you, when you go to, it's like the water just calms you Just the creation of it, when you just look at it.
Speaker 2As far as I can see, even when we was on the cruise ship and I was sitting in the balcony, I was like God, you are simply amazing, Simply amazing. All of this water out here and this thing is staying afloat. Thank you, Jesus.
Speaker 4I think about the.
Speaker 2Titanic when I'm out there, but it's just amazing, as his creation and Eric and I was sitting on the balcony on one of the cruises and I saw a bird and I said, well, Eric, where do you think he's going to land?
Speaker 4at.
Speaker 2Ain't nothing out here but water, not thinking, oh, he can go land on top of the ship and it was so many other ships out there, but just to see that was amazing. Just to see that was amazing. Dolphins all the way out there it was an amazing shot.
Speaker 1Yeah, y'all took a trip to Niagara Falls too. I remember seeing y'all be going everywhere, oh man.
Speaker 3How was?
Speaker 1that.
Speaker 3Oh man, it was beautiful. It was so beautiful we listen, we might try to be moving there.
Speaker 1Ooh, wow, wow, wow, wow. That, ooh, wow, wow.
Speaker 3Wow, wow, yeah, I love Canada, man. Canada is such a how you say it, patsy rejuvenating type thing and this is the. It's the city itself. It's clean, it's it's proper, it's it's so, it's peaceful and, in so many words, innocent. It's innocent and it's not a lot. It's not a lot of crime. Health care there is free, you know, so anybody could go to the hospital and get served and don't have to be waiting on a bill and all that stuff. So it's carefree and everybody's nice and welcoming. And I mean there's so much good things out there that we went. We've been there four times already out there that we went. We've been there four times already. So it's definitely a go-to spot for for me and her, because it's that waterfall is. The waterfall is so beautiful. You can actually go out there and just walk out there and and it's, it's really a nice, nice thing, a nice time yeah, yeah, I gotta take Patsy out there like a trip to me I know, my daughter went to canada, she went to, natalie went to canada.
Speaker 1I wonder how many people who online with us ever been to canada. Just put it in the chat if we've been to canada. Yeah, but I heard canada is. Canada is nice. Yeah, so beautiful man so let's get into the challenges, because, again, because all of us have challenges, and so I want to ask you what has been the biggest challenge in your marriage and how did you overcome it? What was the biggest challenge in your marriage and how did you overcome it?
Speaker 3we had a lot of challenges.
Speaker 1Just talk about one of the couple, a couple of them, I would, I guess I proceeded with this. We know that God was in the middle, we know that. So you already talked about the faith, so we know that. But how did you handle it individually, just naturally? How did you handle it with some of the challenges?
Speaker 5I think the biggest challenge I would say for me and I feel like for us, is going through life changes. I've been going through like change. As you get older you do change your, the way things changes, your thought process. A lot of things change when you're going through like actual changes, especially for a woman. We, our body, we're going through so much and it's so much hormones that we have and so many things that we have to battle internally ourselves and our own traumas and things like that.
Speaker 5I think that was the biggest, hardest part for us because when you start to change, your perspective starts to change, how you see things starts to change and sometimes you start to question things and you question a lot of things in your life and decisions that you make.
Speaker 5So that was like the biggest and the hardest, the most trying time, especially when you, if you're going through change and then you involve sickness into that, you end up getting sick or you're not able to do things like you used to do and you don't want to be dependent. So that was the most trying and hard time and I think those are the times where he I didn't know at the time, but he told me when we went to the war. He said he prayed through those times. He seen me changing and he seen that I was going through something especially mentally. So that was the most difficult that we had to go through. We had to talk through it, we had to allow each other, give each other space to process some things. So that was like the biggest, I would say, for me.
Speaker 3Yeah, changes was definitely. It's inevitable, even when going through marriage is inevitable. But how you handle it will define how you go through it and how you succeed and process everything. Because when you first get married, you don't think about getting older or you don't think about sickness. Most times you don't think about mental.
Speaker 3You don't think about a lot of people are so focused on physical that they forget about mental. They don't want their spouse or partner to get unattractive, but that is the least word. But when you have to identify your mate or your spouse's mental challenges and different things of that nature, that affects them. And when it affects them, it affects you and you have to be able to be the one that say you know what, hey, we're going to get through this because at some point they're going to feel unwanted, they're going to feel undesirable, they're going to feel like they're less than they're going to get through this because at some point they're going to feel unwanted, they're going to feel undesirable, they're going to feel like they're less than they're going to feel because they've been trying to hold so much together to make sure you're still happy with them and it's your job to make sure to let them know like yo, we got. We going through this together. Regardless of how you are mentally dysfunctional or however the case may be, we're going to get you back. We're going to get you healthy. We're going to get you back where you need to be, where we can be happy.
Speaker 3And a lot of times we just don't focus on those things. When we first get married or when we're going through, because we're all getting older, we don't do the things we used to do. So it's like, okay, hey, now we have to focus on our health, we have to focus on our well-being, to make sure we're healthy for each other and go through that. But yeah, it has been a challenge, because certain things I didn't know about.
Speaker 3I was raised with women, but I never had to endure those things with my mom and my grandmother and things of that nature. So, and to to endure it with her is really teaching me patience. It's teaching me. It's teaching me to be more prayerful. It's teaching me how to keep showing up, because sometimes, even if you ain't got the words to say, if you ain't got things to do, just keep showing up, just keep being available and making sure your spouse know that, hey, we're going through this together. You're not alone in it. We're going through this together. If you sick, I'm sick, so we're going to make sure we got this.
Speaker 5Yeah, it was a challenge, because you think about when we got married we got children. Yeah, we got married with children, always with the kids and then, once you start getting the kids out before I think for women, for me, I can say for me, I felt like I lost myself. I lost myself in the children. I lost myself as a wife in devoting everything for everybody my job, my kids, my husband.
Speaker 5But, then, not realizing that I kind of lost myself in all of that and realizing, oh what about me? And it just was a lot. So yeah, especially for a woman.
Speaker 1Wow, wow. So from here, communication. That was a big thing. So do you think that a lot of times we, as couples, we put our kid and our spouse before our own well-being? Do we do that?
Speaker 5You can do that without even realizing it yeah.
Speaker 3Because of how you're wired and built, because they're your kids, they're your babies, they came from you, so it's automatically you're going to put your whole being inside for the kids and then, once they leave, it's like, ok, I don't, I don't, I don't, lost myself. Now, what am I supposed to do? Who am I? Who am I outside of dad? Who am I outside of husband? Who am I outside of that, when you devoted so much time, so much of your energy into taking care of someone else instead of taking care of yourself?
Speaker 3And that's how, a lot of times, you get sick, you forget about your health because you weren't about the children, you weren't about everybody else, because now you neglected yourself. So once they're gone now it's like what about you now? Now it's time to fix you. So you have to be mindful, even in a marriage, to make sure you take care of yourself and make sure you stay connected with your partner, even in taking care of your children, because at the end of the day, the children going to leave yes, sir, they leave, they are leaving, leaving. When they get married, they get a boyfriend, girlfriend. Believe you me, mama and daddy is nowhere in sight yeah, we secondary we often tell.
Speaker 1We often tell couples when we counsel and everything that's we we preach. That's why we preach date night often, where it's just you and her and lead the kids. You got to find a babysitter. You got to do it. You may have to sacrifice a little money to pay a babysitter, or grandma or auntie is near you. Do that.
Speaker 1But it's very important to take time away for it's just you and your spouse Because, like you said, eventually them children gone, you and your spouse. Because, like you said, eventually them children going and when they get a boyfriend at 13 or 14 and especially now, you still secondary, wait, wait, you ain't having that. But I'm just saying it happens. And so you have to make sure you have the connection with your spouse, because I think we talked about it one time before, barry, where it says you don't want to be while your children is gone and you're looking at your spouse and say, like you said earlier, what now? Or how do you and I need to know something about you. No, I need to. By that time it's hey, we happy, let's do it.
Speaker 1Unfortunately, all, both of us got dogs, but still, it's it's. It's all about me putting God first myself, because I believe this If I'm not ready, I can't take care of my spouse, I can't take care of my children. So I got to have a time, and so I love the point that Patsy allow me to have some me time to where I'm and have friends, where I could go out and I can enjoy myself. And I try to allow her the same thing, which, hey, just go and have some me time, do whatever you need to do to make sure so we can come together Because, like you said, they're going to leave.
Speaker 3You know what I told her, told my wife I say I, now that the kids are gone, I need to know you without the children. I got to know you without the children Because most times we're married for so long and I only know her as a mom or a wife. But I want to know Johnny without responsibility or children, because that's a whole different identity, that's a whole different person. So I want her to know me outside of children. We need to know each other when there's no responsibility, because we've been tied down for years with children and just responsibility, life Right right Now.
Speaker 3That we've accomplished and it's a goal, it's accomplishment. We good, we're without the kids, but I have to know my wife, without the responsibility of getting up in the morning, going to work, taking care of the kids, got to make sure this, Because that's mainly I mean. Think about it. That's all our communication been for so many years.
Speaker 1Routine, you got the kids.
Speaker 3Right, what you going to eat. The kids got to eat. We got to get a babysitter, we got to do their homework. So that has been our language for years, to the point where it's like, now that they're gone, what is our language now? What is our commitment now? We've devoted ourself and our marriage and our fatherhood, motherhood all that to the children to make sure they were good. But what is our commitment now that they're gone?
Speaker 1Wow, wow. You know when you're talking about mental structure. I said, yes, she says mental struggles go unnoticed for sure. And she said y'all speaking, y'all dropping it unnoticed for sure.
Speaker 2And she said y'all speaking, y'all dropping it now. And I also wanted to say I'm, I'm. I'm one for this kind of reliving the vows in my head but where it?
Challenges of Raising Kids
Speaker 2says in sickness and in health a lot of time we always think that that that health is physical, but that health is so mental, it could be your upbringing, it could be bad relationships, it could. So mental, it could be your upbringing, it could be bad relationships, it could be baggage, it could be so much. And then you're trying to. You don't know why this person is feeling that way, because they don't want to share that most intimate part with you, especially when it comes down to, especially when it comes down to our health. I don't think I want to let Eric know about this right now. I want to make sure, I want to make sure I want to make sure I I'm got all the t's crossed and the i's dotted before I lay this on him, so I can, I'll carry that and and indirectly, I'll, I'll be treating him some kind of way without even realizing what's going on. So we talk about in sickness and health. I think we should add mental health to that vow, mental health right?
Speaker 2Yeah, I think we should add mental health to it, because mental health, let me tell you, is some serious business.
Speaker 1Yes, it is, it is, yeah, it is.
Speaker 2And by the grace of God, because we love the Lord, we know we can go to the rock. But if you need to talk to somebody, go talk to somebody. To talk to somebody, go talk to somebody. Yes, sir, go, yeah, go talk to somebody, because sometimes it helps to hear how you feeling outside of your body, like you, like you want to hear, you hear yourself saying it and then and most therapists you solve your own problems anyway. So you talk, you talking to them, but you actually talking yourself through it. So that's okay. But yeah, that's what I'm like. I I speak with a lot of young married women and they'd be like you don't understand what I'm going through. Would you have you told him he can't?
Speaker 2he can't understand if he don't know, if he don't know, so yeah, a lot of times. So that was something that stood out with me with that challenge, so I appreciate you for sharing that.
Speaker 1I really do. I'm telling you yeah, give you a shout out on that. Yeah, give you a shout out, give you a shout out, man. And so so as we getting ready to wind down, because Patsy is on a time limit, oh you know what we got to.
Speaker 2We have to go to the All right.
Speaker 1So so we get. We have to go to them, all right. So we're getting down to the nitty gritty here because we're all about trying to help other couples, not that we know everything, and that's why we've been doing this interview series on our season three. We've been doing a lot of interviews because we want to let people know that we don't know everything. But we have other people that we know that can just share some nuggets, share some nuggets, and so I thank God again. I thank God for for you all, and that's just so open to just share. So I want to ask you, what advice would you give to couples who feel overwhelmed in their marriage or family life? What advice would you give them?
Speaker 5You want to start, you want me to start. You can start Um what you give them. You want to start, you want me to start. You can start um, when you feel overwhelmed. I say the thing that helped me the most was because I felt overwhelmed a lot. So I would say write it down. I've written, I've written things down like I've. As soon as the emotion come up or when I start to feel overwhelmed, I will go somewhere and I just start either typing or writing. So I use the notes on my phone and I just started typing. Today is such and such and I woke up like this or this is what happened.
Speaker 5I just express it and then I would go back later and read it when I'm no longer feeling that way and then when I go back and read it, I try to process that feeling and then I try to go to him and talk to him about it. It's easier said than done. Of course, I think I did more writing before talking, which probably I should, probably should have talked some things through but I was the type of person I always thought that he should just automatically know, like I was the type of person like if you're in tune to me or if you're into me, I shouldn't have to tell you that was me and I had to work on that. But yeah, that's what I used to do, just to write it down. I played music. I would go to a spa and just sit there, get something done and just start thinking about things and wonder why am I overwhelmed or what's going on? And those are the things. Things just write, talk to myself, just meditate on some things.
Speaker 3I think the first thing I think the first thing in a marriage you can do when you're feeling overwhelmed is to actually tell your spouse don't, don't. And when I say, tell your spouse, get them by themselves. Or say, hey, can I speak with you for a minute? And I just want to share something that I'm feeling and just kind of set the tone and say you know what I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and explain what you're feeling overwhelmed about, because most times it's miscommunication, because when you go off of action or emotion, that leaves your partner in the dark and it leaves them in the dark to try to figure it out and guess what that stresses them out, because now they're trying to figure it out and trying to make sure you're okay and trying to fix something they don't even know that they're trying to fix. So the biggest thing is communicating what is overwhelming you, so that you don't have to be overwhelmed by yourself or go through what you're going through by yourself.
Speaker 3That's what helpmates are for, that's what people that's in your life is for. Get them by themselves Like, hey, I need to speak with you for a moment Instead of gossiping, instead of doing all this other stuff. Get them by yourself and say, hey, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, I might need to take a moment, I might need to do a little drive, or I might need to go to Barnes and Noble and just sit there and people watch I don't know. Do something that you will calm you. I mean people watching calms me, because people watching is one of those things that it takes my mind off of everything and I'd be sitting there like what in the world is going on with these people.
Speaker 2See, you know what? His birthday is September, because I do it too. I'd be like, wow, and it does.
Speaker 1It's kind of relaxing and like she brings me and she brings me into that stuff to be talking about I'd be like baby, but listen.
Speaker 3The best time to watch people is to sit outside of a haunted house. That is the funniest thing but those are things.
Speaker 3those are things that you could do to feel overwhelmed. When you're overwhelmed in your marriage, when you're overwhelmed, the first thing you need to do is communicate with your partner, with your spouse, and just let them know, like hey, I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed and I'm not up to it today, or whatever the case may be. And, of course, if that spouse is really in tune with you, they're going to say, hey, what do you need me to do? May be, and, of course, if that spouse is really in tune with you, they're going to say, hey, what do you need me to do? Where can I assist to make sure you get?
Speaker 5unstuck or get unobstructed and things of that nature. And that was my issue communication. I didn't know how to communicate.
Speaker 1Wow, that's surprising, because you hear a lot that women communicate much better than men, when they just you know, hey, you got to talk, you got to talk. So that's very interesting to know that you just say I didn't know how to communicate, so that's cool.
Speaker 5How am I feeling?
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, and we got to be able to communicate about our feelings and, like you said, stephen, that we got to be able to tell our. If we can't tell anybody, we got to be able to tell our spouse.
Speaker 3Got to. You got to and you should feel comfortable and not scared to tell them because, like what Pastor was saying, to make sure this is good or that is good, your spouse is not even worried about that most of the time. They just want you to be healthy. They just want and a lot of women and I noticed with her a lot of women want to be perfect. They want to be that don't have mistakes or that don't do anything crazy. Most of the time men are not even worried about none of that. All men want to do is how can they fix your problem?
Speaker 2That's it. That's the problem. That's the problem. That's the problem. We don't want it fixed. Sometimes we just want y'all to listen.
Speaker 1And I think that's where. That's where we good now. But that's where communication comes in. And sometimes I'm still like that, because I'm a problem fixer. I literally say, well, babe, do, cause I'm a problem fixer. I love to say, well, they do this and they do that. And so it is taking me, and even sometimes I still don't get it.
Speaker 1I have to ask her she's coming home with a problem. I have to say, all right, do she want me to fix it or not, or did you want me to listen? And so sometimes I have to, if I don't know, have to ask pass it, do you want me to fix it or do you want me to listen? And she said I just want you to listen. And I said, okay, let me just let me listen. And then if she says, yes, I want you to do something, even after I listen, she might say can you do this? And I said, okay, but it took me a while because I'm a problem fixer, right, and I, and I don't, and I don't want my baby to worry about nothing.
Speaker 1No, I really don't want her to worry about finances. I really don't want my baby to worry about nothing. I really don't want her to worry about finances. I really don't want that and, honest, straightforward, I've gotten myself in trouble, especially when it comes down to finances, because I didn't want her to worry about it, and so I took on a lot where I needed her help, where I could have just came to her and said babe, this is what's going on in our finances and we need to do this, but I wanted to try to fix it myself and then when she finds out about it, it just got crazy and I messed it up.
Speaker 2So yeah, I'm just honest, I'm honest, I'm just honest. It means in every aspect. Help me.
Speaker 1I'm here to help.
Speaker 2When I want you to fix it, I'll say, babe, can you handle this? Because sometimes and another thing too, when we talk about being overwhelmed. You know I'm going to be 58 this year.
Speaker 1All right, 58. Look at my baby, look good, look good, beautiful. Yes sir, yes sir, yes sir, thank you, yes sir.
Speaker 2You as well. I'm looking at you looking fabulous. I'm like, okay, all right, sis, but sometimes the whole changes things going on. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. I really don't know why I'm overwhelmed. I'm just having a moment. Just give me a hold up, let me pull it together, let me. I'm just, I'm gonna take a mental health day and I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch Lifetime and whatever. I just need a moment, and sometimes I just need a good cry, but I don't. I don't always know what the problem is, so I so, as Stokes said, just listen. That's all I need at that time, because I'm still trying to figure out why I'm overwhelmed. I don't know.
Speaker 1But I always take it to the rock, check this out. We want y'all to listen and connect with us. No fixing needed, just chat with your girl. Then she followed up and says now, if we mistakenly call you girl, just roll with it. Y'all are our best friends so many times. I done been called girl child Steve. You been calling that too, steve. I'm like I just roll with it, I just say it is, I don't say nothing. I say nothing.
Speaker 3I'm like, yeah, you right.
Speaker 2I'm like girl you got to be kidding me. I know I'll be like and girl, you know.
Speaker 4She's like yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
Speaker 2I know, I know.
Speaker 3I'm like I didn't mean to go, but it's true. That's so true. It's made them, yeah, but I love it. They get it out. As long as they get it out, it's all that matters, just get it out, I mean, and it creates a safe space.
Speaker 1That means yes, it makes me know, I'm sorry, but it makes me know that, because when she's rolling with the girls and they talking, it makes me kind of feel good that she treats me as one of her girls, her friends. I'm just saying that that you trust me enough that you say girl, child, but it's just like, ok, we're best friends and that's cool. Don't do it all the time, don't do it out in the public baby.
Speaker 2But you know that song that Prince sang. If I Was your Girlfriend, oh Jesus. Now I know the meaning of it. Now I see where he was going with that, because we that close. If I was your girlfriend, we cool like that and I appreciate you going with me to get my toes done and stuff, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1I'll do that little with Nandi. Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's right, tata. I say just roll with it Just roll with it.
Speaker 1Hey, I tell any husband, if you haven't been called girl or child, you ain't there yet. You ain't there yet.
Speaker 2You almost caught that juice. Wow, that is so true, that's so true. Let's see what they saying in the comments.
Speaker 5They just going back and forth, say exactly the past.
Speaker 1See, you got me. That's what it is to say, that's it, that's it, that's it.
Speaker 2So sometimes we don't know, and it's so important for you guys, sometimes we just need somebody to just say it, yeah.
Speaker 1It's to say y'all are the top friend. We don't share with everybody. You know it says the way we share with y'all.
Speaker 2That's true. Yeah, we'll share some stuff with you, share with y'all.
Speaker 1That's good, yeah, y'all do, y'all do. Well, we got five minutes, baby, you better come on now.
Speaker 2Okay, let me see here what do we have. Oh, if you could go back to your early years, when you first got married what would you tell your younger selves?
Speaker 5Oh my God that's what I had said. I told him we should renew our vows at 25 years. And I your younger selves oh, I got it what I had said. I told him we should renew our vows at 25 years. And I said at a reception we should do a video of a picture of us when we first got married and a message to ourselves Wow. So when you said it, I'm like, wow, See, what would I tell? Go for it.
Speaker 3What would I tell myself? Or what would I tell her?
Speaker 2What would you tell yourself?
Speaker 5Yourself this thing to when you first got married.
Speaker 3Woo, oh man. What would I tell myself? Ooh man, Slow down.
Speaker 1Oh, okay.
Coping with Life Changes and Overwhelm
Speaker 3I would tell myself slow down, take it slow and yeah, take it real slow and make sure you allow God to order every step and every decision. And my biggest thing was I was moving precisely because being raised in the church, being brought up in the church and living with your girlfriend and all that, and being a musician and a minister and all those different things, I would have told myself to slow down to my younger self, Okay, all right.
Speaker 1All right, john. What about you?
Speaker 5I would have just told myself let it go and it's okay. Yeah, I held on to a lot of things and I come in and come in and, unknowing, so I would have said, just let it go and it's okay. Wow.
Speaker 1That's good.
Speaker 2Great advice? Yeah, because sometimes we think we running out of time.
Speaker 1Yeah, we move quick and that's why I try and encourage people.
Speaker 2I'm like like you know what slow down. I even tell my girls I'd be like you know what slow down you're gonna be okay I have. One of the one of the twins is saying like she feel pressured when people ask her at church you ain't married yet you ain't got no kids. Kids. She say mom, it does something to me. Why do they feel like I have to have these things? I say you don't.
Speaker 3In your time.
Speaker 2In your time, baby girl, don't let nobody rest you into doing anything. Slow down, yeah we totally.
Speaker 1I think we was talking to a couple and we just told them, because it was like oh, we got to have a house couple and we just told them because it was like oh we got to have a house. We got to do the furniture, we got to do this, we got to do that.
Speaker 4Just slow down just take your time.
Speaker 1Yes, if you're gonna, if you're gonna get a house, yeah, get a house and take your time and furnishing each part of the room, just because sometimes when you rush you don't get to know that person that you're there because you're rushing trying to pull everything together so fast yeah, and I think we.
Speaker 2I think too another thing too growing up in the church I I don't know about you, but growing up in the church they always made it seem you got to get married, you got to get a house, you gotta have babies.
Speaker 4You gotta do this.
Speaker 2It's a process you gotta do this, this in an oven, so when you jump out there you'd be like, okay, you got you. You hit the ground running and then you'd be thinking like, why did I marry this guy? Why did I do this? Because they put so much pressure on us being raised up in church. So the church really needs to find a balance when it comes down to young adults and pushing them out their life.
Speaker 1I'm going to make this statement. Yeah, I got to make this statement. I got to make this statement. The church has caused more divorces than a lot. You better say that.
Speaker 2Yeah, bro, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1I agree with that they have. They've caused more Because, like you said, they put pressure on you. They put pressure and they say you got to do this, you got to do five years. You got to do this 10 years, you got to do that. Oh, you got to be in ministry. Oh, you got to be in ministry. And, and from experience, ministry will cause you to be at the doorsteps of divorce if you don't watch it. I'm just being real.
Speaker 3I'm just being real no, you're telling the truth, man, you own it though they put a lot of pressure.
Speaker 1They put a lot of pressure on us. So you just have to back down and just look and we as, like you said, you've been married a long time. We have to look at our kids and tell them say, there's no pressure, you do, you learn how to take care of yourself, and it's no pressure. I'm not pressuring you, but I will like a grandkid every now and then, but I ain't pressuring you, but I'm just joking. I'm just joking, but you know I'm not pressuring you. And if you do get married, whatever church you go to, don't let them pressure you to be no deacon and don't let them pressure you to be no minister. Don't let them pressure you to be all that stuff. You take your time, love God and love your family, love your wife, love your kids and that's it. Yeah, and I think a lot of times.
Speaker 3I think a lot of times, even in the church, they push these agendas and they push these things on you without even the people knowing themselves. The people don't even know themselves and they tell people you got this person is a good fit for you. Well, how do you know? I don't even know myself, let alone trying to get to know somebody else. And the crazy thing, even in the church. I barely know God.
Speaker 1Oh yes.
Speaker 3I'm going to get married and I'm barely figuring out how to handle myself, how to know myself and build a relationship with God, and try to invite somebody else into that dysfunction.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 3That's the craziness that is all compiled in marriages these days. Because now you're pushing, I'm pushing my dysfunctionality on somebody else rather than getting to know myself ground myself, groom myself get a good relationship with God, you understand, and that way I can meet a person that they can be grounded, groomed or whatever. We can date and get together and go from there, but not be pressured into anything dealing with church, society, family, nothing but getting to know ourselves, to get to know each other.
Speaker 1And that's what's missing? That's what's missing.
Speaker 2That deserves a clap right there bro.
Speaker 1That's why we hey, I tell people quick you better watch out for these prophets that be prophesying and saying that's your husband or you gonna be married in five years, or that's your husband right there. No, no, no, no, sorry, hey, we going to the chat. Go on to the chat. Oh Lord, have mercy.
Speaker 2Oh Lord, the chat. Okay so, but like I say she, she don't do the girl thing, she just say bro that's some young people, that's a mountain.
Speaker 1I hear it too.
Speaker 2I've been saying she said well so long ago. I'd say trust your gut, you were right and you're making the right decision. So I'm guessing that's based on the communication.
Speaker 1Oh no, when you're talking about the younger self. Yeah, that was the younger self, yeah yeah, my younger self boy.
Speaker 2I'm surprised I ain't in prison, but anyway, praise God I give you a clap right there. I am surprised, but you know, as Maytha also said, she said she agreed because the church has misguided.
Speaker 2so many people and it's my daughter who said she said she agreed because the church has misguided so many people and it's a shame and like and like stokes was saying I'm like you know what it you was. You was hitting the nail on the head because I hear it so many times. And I and at work I talked, I had this one lady we went away for. We went away for summer break and and when we came back, she was not only engaged, she was married.
Speaker 3Whoa.
Speaker 2We go on Christmas break and come back. She filed for a divorce August Christmas and she said it was all because the ladies in her circle encouraged her. You can't shack up and if you're going to be hanging around with him, you might as well marry him. And I was like a minute, is that what you wanted? She said. I thought he was nice, you thought he was not. You don't know this man, so they will misguide you. And then also, if you in an abusive marriage, in the church, jesus, they don't want to Just pray for him.
Speaker 2My sign is y'all pray for him, because I'm definitely finna go to jail, so that's something that they really need to. They got to find a balance in there, that is true. And as Mather said, preach folks, preach.
Speaker 3All right.
Speaker 2And Amai said she agrees.
Speaker 1I know Amai agree with me. That's my baby, that's my grandbaby she's being big. Yeah, she's being big, well, hey, hey, this has been good.
Speaker 2Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1Oh man, this has been spirited and I love it, and I love it, and I love it, and we just want to thank you, stephen and Johnny, for just saying yes to the interview and just expressing yourselves and being real. That's what we're all about. Real, our church is real life and that's why we do marriage in real life and just being real about your life and things. And so I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Speaker 2Yes, thank you so much. I mean, the audience is on fire. When you guys are talking, they are loving it. We're going to have to have y'all back.
Speaker 1Yeah, we got to have y'all back for a deeper right. So Samson says how can we reach out to you all? So please tell us about your social media handles or website or whatever like that, and we'll make sure that it's out there. But you know, just go ahead and tell us how can they reach out.
Speaker 3You can reach out to me on all social media platforms at Stephen Stokes Instagram is Stephen underscore university, so and I also have a podcast as well called Underground Gospel Radio, so you can catch me on there as well, and that's on all social media. Underground Gospel Radio. You can find me on TikTok and we're also on all platforms, on podcast platforms and what else. I think that's it as far as social media.
Speaker 5Yeah, my Facebook is Johnine Stokes. I think it's just Johnine Stokes, right, yeah? And then my Instagram. I had to think about it. And my Instagram is what is it? Oh, now, don't judge me on my Instagram, but it's catered to me only On Instagram. But you can definitely catch us on those Plus on the underground. I'm on there sometimes, sometimes, yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, I hadn't seen you on there in a while.
Speaker 5Yeah, no, I haven't been on there for a while. Yeah, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1I've been tripping out on underground radio because they be they be tripping me out too. It'd be good, yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah that's my church that's the church for me, so all right though, but it is awesome. Yeah, I love the interviews.
Speaker 3I like the people, I love the music it's nice, yeah, yeah, so yeah, I don't say nothing, I don't say nothing because I'll be like I'm just gonna listen now yeah, all right, cool, but but yeah, this is nice and again, thank you.
Speaker 1We got to have you back. We get deep and talk about this church thing and what's going on, and so again, from the bottom of my heart, I really, really appreciate you taking your time on your Monday to to just just chop it up with us.
Speaker 5Just chop it up with us Absolutely. Thank you for having us too.
Speaker 1And we went 10 minutes over because of Patsy. I just wanted everybody to know that. I just wanted everybody to know we went 10 minutes over because of Patsy.
Speaker 4Alright.
Speaker 1Alright. Well, we want to thank you again and again. You can join us. We're all everywhere, everywhere. Social media. Please make sure, if you haven't liked and subscribed, make sure you subscribe to Real Life TV 1 and make sure you subscribe to Marriage and Real Life podcast and, like I said, you can go back and listen to this and watch it again. I guarantee you'll pick up one of the nuggets. And again, thank you for joining with us tonight. Thank, you so much, thank you for joining with us and we want to say good night.
Speaker 2Good night, Thank you guys.
Speaker 1Good night, everybody Good night everybody, Thank you guys.
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