Discerning Parenting

017 - Finding Peace by Simplifying Home Systems with Marielle Melling

• Victoria Ang-Nolasco, MD • Episode 17

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The sink is piled high with dishes.
You can't see the living room sofa anymore because it's covered by dirty laundry.
Toys are scattered all over the floor and you've tripped on a toy at some point.

You're feeling stressed just looking at the clutter. I know what that feels like because I've never been a naturally organized person. That's why today, I'm happy to invite Marielle Melling, founder of Loving Life With Littles, to help us find more peace in motherhood by simplifying home systems.

Marielle has a degree in health education. She is the author of Peace Amidst the Mayhem. She is passionate about simplifying parenting and helping others find more calm, confidence, and joy in their parenting journey. 

Since getting married, Marielle and her husband have moved eight times! She loves the opportunity to live in different places and make friends that live in various parts of the world. Marielle and her husband are the parents of five incredible kids.

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⭐ Our book Learning by Heart: Teach Your Child to Read, Stress-Free is now on Amazon! Click here to learn more about Dr. Victoria Nolasco's books.

⭐ Check out our FREE Discerning Parenting Toolkit and Resource Library.

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The Discerning Parenting Podcast is a free informational resource for parents. As a valued listener, you acknowledge that any information you get from this podcast is for your general guidance only, and ​​must never be considered a substitute for the advice provided by a doctor, therapist, or other qualified medical professionals who know your child specifically. Read our full disclaimer policy here.

Today to help us find peace amidst the chaos of parenting life. Let's welcome Marielle Melling, a mom, and founder of Loving Life with Littles. Are there days you feel you've had it? With the sleepless nights, the temper tantrums, and the constant fatigue of trying to keep up with an active baby. Does it feel like you're always working so hard as a parent trying to do everything for your kids and family, and yet it never feels enough?

We get it. You love your child more than anything, and yet parenting is also exhausting and challenging, especially when you're bombarded with criticism and pressure to be the perfect parent, which spoiler alert does not exist. That's why we created Discerning Parenting, the podcast that helps you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters in your parenting journey.

This podcast is jam-packed with valuable insights and practical tips, specifically tailored for parents of kids age five and below. So join us and discover how you can use the combined power of science, knowing your child, and your own intuition in making the best parenting decisions for you and your family.

Thank you, Mario. I'm so glad to have you here with us today because I know that I am. One of those parents who's not naturally organized. So it's wonderful to have you as a resource here with us today. So can you tell us about yourself and how you got started with helping parents find peace? Amids, the chaos of parenting life.

Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you for having me. So several years ago, way back now, it feels like I was in a really busy time as a parent. I was juggling four part-time jobs. My husband was working really long hours for our family, so he was not home very much and it fell on me to do the home, the meals, and most importantly, our kids.

We have five wonderful kids. And at this time they were all little. And besides busyness, we also had some life challenges we were facing. Wow. Five little kids all at one. Yes. Yes. So things were pretty busy, but I realized in the middle of this that I had an incredible amount of peace, and I loved my life.

I was going to bed at night feeling really fulfilled, feeling really happy, feeling really good about life. And simultaneously with that, I realized that that wasn't just for me, that this was something that I wanted to share with other parents so that we can all enjoy our lives with kids because we really truly only have one life, right?

And we look forward to being a mom. We look forward to being a parent. And then sometimes it gets so crazy that we are almost missing out. On the joy and the fun and everything that could happen because it is so crazy, right? So I started being very conscientious and aware of the routines I was using, the mindsets I had, learned things that my mom had passed down to me as well as a ton of research, and just kind of started teaching all of these things to other parents.

So that's kind of where I got started. Wow, that's amazing. And I love when you tell us about simplifying home systems. So what does this mean? Awesome. So something that I have realized is that time is really interesting, right? It expands to fill whatever task we give it. And so what I really like to do is to simplify and to help us realize, okay, what are the most important things that we need to do day-to-day?

And then what is the easiest way to get those done? And oftentimes what it comes down to is what I call systems or routines. And that is where we do the same thing consistently enough that it becomes really easy, right? We're building habits. And so we often will think about, okay, we wanna have a habit of brushing our teeth, or we wanna have a habit of exercising and things like that.

But we can also build these kinds of systems into our homes. We create these systems. That allows us to be really clear about what we wanna get done and then allow us to get them done easier and easier and faster and faster. So do you have any tips for the moms who are listening to us today? Can you share your tips on how to simplify home systems?

Yes, for sure. I think the most important thing, first off, is to get really clear about our priorities. As you mentioned at the beginning, we often have piles of dishes and the laundry is never-ending, and we have all these things that we kind of need to get done. And then we also have the things that are the heart of parenting and the heart of our lives, and it typically comes down to our relationships, right?

We know from the longest studies on health and development for adults the best predictor strength of our. Our relationships, right? So we wanna get really clear about our priorities and say, I want to have this as my number one priority. And usually it is our relationships, the way that we're interacting with our kids, the way that we're connecting with our other family members, with the other people in our lives that are important to us.

And then we wanna create our lives around those priorities. So often we sit down and we're like, I don't even have time to hang out with my children. Right? And when I do, I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed and things like that. So I say the number one thing really to simplify is to get clear on your priorities.

Because when we do that, we're going to build in all on our priorities. It allows us to feel good at the end of the day, so if my routine is interrupted because my child has a tantrum and needs me to help them regulate, That's a good use of my time and I'm not gonna feel stressed about it, and I'm not gonna feel like a failure of a mom.

I'm gonna instead know, this is my priority, this is why I wanna be here. Right? The same goes if I want to spend time just playing with my kids or reading a story with them or. Going on a date with my spouse. All of those kinds of things, we want that to be the foundation. And when we get those done, it feels like a good day.

And what happens when we do that, we can let go. A lot of the stress that is kind of gnawing at us that says, I'm not a good mom and I don't do enough and I'm not good enough, and all those kinds of things. And when we let go of that, we actually show up in a way that allows us to, number one, be a better parent and number two, be more effective in what we're doing, right?

So that's the number one thing is to prioritize, to get really clear on our priorities and stay really connected to those in the day today. That's such a beautiful insight because when we are working, we feel guilty for the time that we're not spending with our kids, and then the times that we are feel like we're just doing nothing, just being with our kids.

Mm-hmm. We feel guilty about all the work that isn't getting done. And I guess we've been conditioned that okay, before you enjoy and have fun, you have to finish all of the work first. But the reality is it's never going to happen that we'll finish all the work. So I love what you said about priorities.

Yeah. One really powerful way is every day have a system, have a routine for connecting with your priorities. So maybe you have some quiet time, maybe in the morning you think about what's important to me today. Maybe when you go to bed at night, you journal a little bit about how the day went and was I connected with what matters most.

And then second, we want to simplify. So often we say, I need to get caught up. I need to get everything done. I have this huge list, right? And it just is so overwhelming. So what I suggest is start with a brain dump and write down all of the things that are on your, I just have to do them list, right? Write down all of the things.

And then look at those, that list and say, okay, if I could only get done one thing, what is the one thing today that would make the biggest difference in my home? What is the one thing? Okay. And then if I could do three things, what are the three things that would make the biggest difference in my home?

And you, then you can each day very simply, if, if it feels like everything is chaos and the house is a mess and nothing is in place yet, we're gonna start with one system, one thing. And perhaps for a lot of people, that is the kitchen. Okay? So if your kitchen is like the center of your home and your spending time in there cooking, perhaps every day, you're gonna say, okay, my one thing is the kitchen is going to be clean when I go to bed, so that every morning when I wake up, it's a fresh start.

If you have a lot of little kids, maybe your one thing is going to be the toys. All the toys are gonna get put away at the end of the day so that we have a fresh start. If you have a hard time keeping up with laundry and it just feels like laundry is your nemesis, is your enemy, maybe your one thing is gonna be laundry.

And we're gonna get to the point where that one thing happens every day really consistently. So there's a lot of ways to make that happen. But first off, decide what that one thing is. And then another part of simplifying is say, okay, how can I prevent some of the work that needs to be done here? So we do things like simplifying how many toys we have with our kids.

Simplifying even how many books we keep on the shelf. Like I am a sucker for books. I love books. We have so many books, but we only have a small amount where the little kids can read. I can really, right. I'm sure you can. So instead of having masses of toys and masses of stuff and masses of dishes and all these things, we're simplifying first to a level that is really manageable.

And then we're finding, okay, what is the routine that's gonna help me get this done? So you're gonna look at your schedule and you're gonna say, okay, when can I do this? Often it is short pockets of time. So if, if your one thing is the toy cleanup, maybe you're going to, before lunch, you're gonna do a tidy up and before dinner you're gonna do a tidy up so that you have these little 10 minute timers throughout the day.

Where you're keeping on top of things, or if your kitchen is your one thing, maybe right after you eat, you're gonna soak your dishes or you're gonna put 'em right in the dishwasher. If you have a dishwasher, right, or you're just gonna get 'em done, maybe right after you eat, you're gonna clear all of the counter so that everything is in one spot.

Right? You're kind of finding these pockets of time. Where you can get really consistent about making that one thing happen. And then when that one thing is happening, then you get to go to the second and it, it is really cool when you start to recognize, oh, I didn't even have to think about that one thing.

Right? It just starts happening. So that's the second thing, is to pick that one thing and then make it happen consistently. The third tip is to get the family involved at whatever level, whatever level they are at. So oftentimes we take on, especially if you're a mom listening or you're the primary caregiver, we take on all of the roles, right?

We have all of the baking and all of the cleaning and all of the homework help, and we also volunteer and work on this side and all these other things. And so what we want to try to do is build a team mentality. So even at this time that I'm referring to when my husband was really busy and he wasn't able to help out at home as much, he was contributing in other ways.

Right. And then we were teaching our little kids at the time to contribute as well. So whether they are old enough to actually do chores or to clean up their own room, Or to be aware of how mom is feeling, or to help clear the dishes after dinner or to simply put their towel away after they shower.

Right? We are building into our systems. How are other people getting on board with this? How can we. You know, prevent a lot of the work because we're just cleaning as we're going or whatever it might be. But we're finding ways to encourage our kids, and that can start really powerfully by what I call big picture parenting.

And that is when we help our kids see why this matters. Why does it matter that we live in a clean space? Why does it matter that we do our dishes so often we just say, okay, everybody clean up now. Right? Um, but when we start first with why it matters, and we connect to what they care about, look, if we put our toys away, you're gonna be able to find your toys every time you want them.

Or when we put our toys away, we're gonna take good care of 'em, and they're gonna last a lot longer. You're gonna get to play with them more. With little kids, with older kids, we're talking about being independent and being a good roommate and being a good spouse, and hygiene, all those kinds of things, right?

So we're connecting to what is important to them, and then we're being consistent in, in inviting them to be a part of what's happening in the household rather than. Pulling everything onto our own shoulders and feeling like that is where it starts and ends. Exactly. And these life skills are actually a very important part of the development of our kids.

And if they feel involved in what is going on in the family. That actually gives them a better sense of self-esteem and then they behave better and it improves the relationships in the family. Absolutely. Thank you for sharing that with our little kids, cuz I know a lot of your listeners have. I have toddlers with our little kids.

It's really, really powerful for them to even just tag along. So when we are doing a chore or when we're, you know, doing the dishes or sweeping up, hand them a little rag instead of flopping them in front of the tv, right? And as they feel a part of what's going on, and see what mom does, see what dad does, figure out how things work on their own.

Exactly. That's actually during the toddler stage. And then sometimes parents can get frustrated. How can I get them out of the way so that I can do this? And then they will try to occupy them with different activities. But of course, to a toddler, whatever mommy is doing is much, much more interesting than any activity.

So they're really going to want to be a part of it. So I know it might take longer if we try to make our kids a part of it. But it's going to be more enjoyable and our kids in the end are going to learn more. And in fact, it might be easier because we don't have to stress about getting them out of the way or preparing activities for them.

But these are learning activities that we do as part of what we're doing already anyway. Yes, absolutely. So Mario, can you tell us about loving life with Littles? Sure. I created love and Life with Littles to help parents simplify their parenting journey. So we talk about household management, some of the things that we've been talking about a little bit today.

We talk about parenting and personal development. Those are kind of the three pieces that come together to create a really peaceful. Joyful confident parenting experience. So we have a lot of different offers for parents from our free newsletter that is packed full of tips and ideas and things like that, as well as programs and a membership even.

So lots of things trying to help parents really simplify so that they have more calm confidence and joy. So we'll link to this in the show notes. And is there anything else that you'd like to share? Sure. So I think I shared with you a free guide that parents can pick up. It's called The Simple Systems Starter Guide, and it is three steps for Creating Time-saving Home Systems That work.

So once you pick that one thing that you wanna focus on first, that's where this guide comes in. To now say, okay, this is a really powerful way to create that system to make it happen. And so that is a free gift that listeners can pick up and hopefully will help you with your simplifying and with creating these time systems or time saving home systems.

So the other thing that I would say to parents too is that you are doing better than you think. I am sure we are often really hard on ourselves. We often recognize what we're not doing. Instead of what we are doing. And so I would encourage you when you go to bed at night, think about what are the good things that I did today and did I speak patiently with my child?

Did I really listen when they were speaking to me? Did I look at them in the eyes? Did we laugh together? What are those good things that happened? And dwell on that first. There's always room for improvement. There's always room for growth. I love helping people find that growth. And be able to sit in that place without guilt.

And just enjoy parenting a little bit more. It's an inspiration to hear that. So for all our listeners, check out the show notes. There are links to the free resource that Mario mentioned to us. And to help us also simplify our parenting life, be sure to get our free parenting resource library over@discerningparenting.com.

We have guides on things like. Language activities to boost out their development or handling tantrums or helping your child get started in learning to read. So all of these together can help to simplify and remove the stress from your parenting life. I know that all of us listening here learned a lot from us.

So thank you. Don't forget to follow the Discerning Parenting Podcast so you don't miss an episode. Thank you.

Any information available at this podcast is intended for general guidance only and must never be considered a substitute for advice provided by a doctor, therapist, or other qualified medical professional.