Picture this: a child defiantly throws a plate of spaghetti to the floor, exclaiming, "I don't want it!"
As parents, we might find ourselves reminiscing about the days when we would have cherished such a simple pleasure. Or perhaps, envision a scenario where a child breaks a new toy within minutes of receiving it, leading us to question their gratitude and appreciation. Are they truly being ungrateful, or do they simply lack the understanding of how to treasure their possessions?
In today's episode, we delve into the complex world of parenting when faced with seemingly ungrateful behavior from our children. Join us as we explore the reasons behind these actions and discover that, more often than not, things are not as straightforward as they appear.
Tune in as we navigate the challenges of raising grateful and appreciative children, and gain valuable insights into fostering a deeper connection with our little ones. It's time to unravel the layers of parenting and discover the hidden dynamics that shape our children's expressions of gratitude on this episode of the Discerning Parenting podcast.
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A child throws a plate of spaghetti to the floor and shouts, I don't want it. And we think of how we would have absolutely loved to have that when we were kids. Or maybe a child breaks a toy within minutes of getting it. Then we wonder, are they being ungrateful? Are they taking things for granted? They don't know how to treasure their toys.
In this episode of the Discerning Parenting podcast, we talk about what we can do when kids seem ungrateful. And we'll see why often, things actually aren't quite what they seem.
Are there days you feel you've had it with the sleepless nights, the temper tantrums, the constant fatigue of trying to keep up with an active baby? Does it feel like you're always working so hard as a parent, trying to do everything for your kids and family, and yet it never feels enough? We get it. You love your child more than anything, and yet parenting is also exhausting and challenging.
Especially when you're bombarded with criticism and pressure to be the perfect parent. Which, spoiler alert, does not exist. That's why we created Discerning Parenting, the podcast that helps you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters in your parenting journey. This podcast is jam-packed with valuable insights and practical tips specifically tailored for parents of kids age 5 and below.
So join us and discover how you can use the combined power of science, knowing your child, and your own intuition in making the best parenting decisions for you and your family.
This is a topic that is close to my heart. Because when I had tantrums or misbehaved as a child, I was told, your parents worked so hard to give you a happy life and this is how you repay them. You're so ungrateful. I was often accused of being ungrateful as a child. But, is it really true that a child who has tantrums, or who misbehaves, or who refuses to eat, or who talks back at their parents, Is that really an ungrateful child?
At some point, we may all have worried about whether we're teaching our kids enough about gratitude. So for these times that we're worried, here are five ideas I'd like to share that will help us better understand this, and what we can do to help our kids learn the value of gratitude. So number one, tantrums or bad behavior do not mean that a child is ungrateful.
Now, rather, when a child misbehaves or has a tantrum, remember, all of this is communication. They are communicating something. The child who throws spaghetti to the floor may be communicating frustration, which often has nothing to do with the spaghetti. So instead of labeling the child as ungrateful, we may instead help them to express their frustration in more productive ways.
And of course, since they're kids, this is something that they're going to learn gradually. And if a child breaks a toy, it often doesn't mean that they don't know how to appreciate it, but they may simply have not yet learned how to play with it appropriately. Or there may be something underlying going on, like a sensory processing issue that makes them use too much force in handling things. Or maybe you've experienced kids who misbehave during what should be happy occasions, like maybe a fun vacation that we worked so hard for, or maybe a shopping trip where we bought them stuff and then we wonder why they misbehave afterward. And this can leave you wondering whether they're being ungrateful and they just don't appreciate all that you're doing for them.
So if so, be sure to check out our previous episode on Holidays with Kids, 5 Tips to Go from Behavior Challenges to Happy Celebrations. And you'll walk away with a better understanding of why this happens and what we can do about it. So that's number one. Tantrums or bad behavior or talking back or quote unquote acting out, they do not mean that the child is ungrateful.
And number two, not everyone expresses gratitude in the same way. Remember, kids are different and they have different temperaments. There are some kids, when they're grateful, they do a happy dance and they shout aloud, thank you. And other kids may look away, they may mumble something we can't understand, and it doesn't mean that they are less grateful.
But that said, even if different kids express gratitude in different ways, if a child has difficulty expressing gratitude, we can help them learn to communicate this. In the same way that we can and should help our kids learn to communicate their feelings and ideas. So we help our kids learn to communicate.
Language skills are not just about helping kids learn, let's say, the numbers or shapes or colors, but it's also about teaching them about communication. Which brings me to number three, which is gratitude and learning how to communicate gratitude. is something that we teach. It's something that is taught.
We often assume that kids should know things already, like oh, when they should say thank you. We've taught them how to say thank you. We may assume that if they don't, they don't do it, then it means they're either rude or ungrateful. Now, it is true, there are some kids who may be able to pick up things like expressing gratitude and saying thank you just on their own or by watching people around them.
But for many kids, this may need to be taught explicitly. And teaching gratitude doesn't mean forcing a child by saying things like you can't have any of this yummy dessert until you say thank you. But there are many ways to help our kids learn gratitude depending on their age and where they are in their development.
For young kids, we can do this through stories, through visuals like picture books, and even role play. So you can say, okay, let's pretend, or it can be part of play when you share a toy and then each of you take turns saying thank you and you're welcome. And for more ideas on how to do this, head over to discerningparenting.com/toolkit. You'll receive access to our free parenting toolkit and it includes a simple story that you can print out. And this has pictures. It's like a comic strip. It's a very, very simple comic strip about gratitude. And you can use this. to help young kids learn how to communicate gratitude. So it's like a script or a story that can also be a fun activity for you and your child.
And when our kids do express gratitude, appreciate it too. So let's notice it. Wow, I noticed that you said thank you. See how your playmate appreciated it? That's an example of how we can teach them gratitude. So number four, gratitude is modeled. It's not enough to just learn it, but our kids also need to see gratitude being modeled by people around them.
Why is this? Because kids learn best by imitating what they see around them. Now, if mostly our kids see people who rant and complain, whether this is in person or in social media, If all they see are people complaining, then it's going to be tough to teach our kids gratitude. Or if they're glued to YouTube, and then the algorithm feeds them video after video of other kids playing with toys, and these toys seem so much cooler than the ones they have, then it'd be a bit challenging to help them learn to be thankful for what they do have.
Now, of course, as adults, we know that the toys in those videos are not necessarily cooler, but these videos are really made to highlight and to make them seem so much cooler. And, of course, the fact that your kid doesn't have those toys yet, makes those toys seem so much more appealing than whatever it is that they have.
So what happens then? They get the toy advertised in the video, and then it doesn't live up to the promise. It doesn't, it's not actually as cool as what the video seems to make it seem. And then your little one might act ungrateful because it loses its appeal after a day or so. So there are all of these different factors coming into play.
But the important thing is, we want to surround our kids with role models for gratitude. And we want to expose them to media that shows people being thankful to balance out all of the things that they see around them. The people complaining and the kids in those shows who may be complaining or who may be talking back to their elders, talking back to people around them, kids getting into fights.
We want them to see positive role models as well. And that's why number five. It's all about the relationship we build with our kids today. We need to teach our kids by our own words and actions that what matters most is our relationship, and our connection with them. We need to teach them that our relationship is something that we can and should be grateful for, and it's something that they have every day that they can be grateful for.
And we show them that holiday celebrations are about being with each other and the experiences that we have together. It's not about getting the perfect decorations or preparing the best gifts or loot bags. And this is also something that they imbibe from us. Are we worried more about the decorations or about the connection?
And the great thing here is that in doing this, we're also easing the pressure on ourselves as parents to quote-unquote get everything right. Instead of trying to get everything right, we know that we can focus on the connection and the experience and the relationship. We can focus on being with each other.
And in doing that, we ease the pressure on ourselves and we also help our kids learn gratitude. So be sure to head over to this discerning parenting.com/toolkit and get our free parenting toolkit that includes a story to teach gratitude along with other parenting guides on topics such as tantrums and activities to build your child's language skills.
And I also talked about how behavior is communication and about how kids can express feelings like gratitude differently. And about how there can be so many reasons behind tantrums and misbehavior and it has nothing to do with being ungrateful. If you want to learn more about this and dissect all of these different factors and practical strategies on what we can do as parents, Look for The Discerning Parent's Guide to Toddler Behavior on Amazon.
It's available also on Kindle Unlimited, so you have both the Kindle version and the print version. And we will also link to this in the show notes. 📍 So thank you for listening, and I want you to know that I'm grateful to you for being here and supporting The Discerning Parenting Podcast.
We have reached over 6, 000 downloads already and we have listeners from six continents all over the world this would not be possible without you and I appreciate you wholeheartedly.