So when I think about, you know, the trauma of inside of parenting and you think about what trauma is in general, it is the, it's the response to threats. It's our response to what the brain perceives as threat. And so if you think about what our parents were going through and what their parents were going through and generationally speaking, and we do know trauma can be passed down epigenetically, which means, you know, it's, it's, it's not.
In the DNA, but it's on top of it, and it can be passed down culturally as well. And so what happens is that you have our parents who were definitely in a space of survival.
Are there days you feel you've had it with the sleepless nights, the temper tantrums, the constant fatigue of trying to keep up with an active baby? Does it feel like you're always working so hard as a parent, trying to do everything for your kids and family, and yet it never feels enough? We get it. You love your child more than anything, and yet parenting is also exhausting and challenging.
Especially when you're bombarded with criticism and pressure to be the perfect parent. Which, spoiler alert, does not exist. That's why we created Discerning Parenting, the podcast that helps you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters in your parenting journey. This podcast is jam packed with valuable insights and practical tips specifically tailored for parents of kids age 5 and below.
So join us and discover how you can use the combined power of science, knowing your child, and your own intuition in making the best parenting decisions for you and your family.
Did I traumatize my child when I shouted at her today? This is one of the most common questions I get from parents. And on the other hand, another common question is, am I spoiling my child if I use gentle parenting and I don't punish him when he misbehaves? These questions come up Because we are at the cusp of a transition on parenting styles from how we were parented as kids to parenting strategies that we are now learning.
And we're discovering more and more about how what we went through as kids is affecting our brains and our parenting. And how, what we are doing is also affecting how our kids brains are developing. And I am so honored to have with me today, Dr. Mayesha Clairborn. She's an integrative physician, visionary, thought leader, consultant, and trainer of neurolinguistic programming.
She is the host of the Black Mind Garden, Remap Your Mind and Retrain Your Brain. The founder of the mind remapping company, and she helps people and organizations better understand trauma and how it affects the brain, our behavior in our communication through her workshops, consulting and coaching. And her work is informed by neuroscience and grounded in the tenets of emotional intelligence, so I deeply resonate with all of this.
And Dr. Clairborne helps individuals and organizations become trauma-informed by teaching conscious communication and emotional fluency. So it's an honor to have you here today. for joining us at the Discerning Parenting podcast. It is an honor to be here. Dr. Victoria, I just very much appreciate the conversation.
Yeah. So tell us more about your work on trauma and how it affects the brain and behavior in communication. And I'd also love to know how you came to work with this much needed advocacy. I know this is really a huge need in the clients that we see every day. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, it's interesting because my, I've always like really loved the brain and how it worked and my undergraduate degree is in psychology.
Oh, see here. Oh, see that we, we, we have so much in common as we were talking for the listeners on the back channel. We were talking about, you know, some of our commonalities and, and it's one of the things that I'll say this really quickly and get back to it that I feel like that if we just connect with each other, we will see how much more we have in common.
Yeah. And it's just, it's sort of really the impetus for the work that I do in the DEI space and the anti-racism space, anti-oppression spaces is, is finding that connection. And that's sort of how I got into trauma. So my background is my undergraduate in psychology. I love how the brain works. I honestly did get into psychology because of my, my upbringing as a child.
I actually. I'm a child survivor of domestic witness child witness of domestic violence. And, you know, I think that going into college and, and going into that first psychology class, there was this, why do people do what they do? Why are there, why do people behave in such unworkable ways?
Right. And so. That I didn't connect it. I mean, I'm connecting it now, even as we speak, like, Oh, the trauma that I experienced probably led me or was paved the pathway for me to be in the work that I do now, but even in my integrative medicine practice, I always wanted to know why, what is behind resistance?
What is behind communication? What is behind the behavior? And that led me to my work in neurolinguistic programming. and hypnosis and working with my patients. But in 2020, and I'll, I'll tell you, I'm trying to keep the, keep the story somewhat, you know, nutshell because it is quite a story. But what I'll, what I'll share is that I was in practice, clinical practice for about, 15 years and about 10 years in, I decided to transition out of my clinical practice and into coaching and helping medical professionals who are burned out.
It was because I had experienced it and I experienced my own mental health challenges and I didn't want other healthcare professionals, but particularly physicians who go through the kind of training that we go through to have to experience what I experienced. And, and so. I was coaching for a while and then I began helping with career transition.
And in 2020 is when I decided it was time for me to start to teach this work. So now a lot of what I do besides the consulting is I actually teach neurolinguistic programming. I teach hypnosis. I certify other people in that because I feel like I've been helping a lot of people, but I, there are communities that I would never be able to touch.
Inside of that happened 2020. And we know what happened in 2020 with our, you know, with all of the, the, the pandemic, the racial tension and violence and the isolation. And inside of that is where I found the advocacy work is where I found the anti oppression work and where I began to really delve into this work around trauma and connected to this is, this is our brains, our behavior.
Trauma. It's all related. And how I got really interested in the next generation is just seeing how our generation and the generation above us was acting. I was like, we have to stop these cycles of violence and of old-school parenting. So that's the long, long, that's the short version of the long story.
You are amazing, Maisha. You took something that you went through and turned it into. a healing ministry for people all over the world. Thank you. I've never, never heard it quite said like that. And I appreciate it. That's moving. Yeah. Well, your mission about creating a trauma-informed learning space in the diversity, equity, inclusion, belonging, and anti-oppression space, it resonates with me completely.
And in fact, I got goosebumps just listening to you talk about the work that you do. So can you tell all of us here more about what this means? Absolutely. Absolutely. So when I, first of all, I just, what I want to say about this space is that it's more than the words, but we, we often say in our work that the, the, the words that are said, don't always create the picture in one's head.
And when I think about this space of. Diversity, equity, inclusion, and particularly belonging and this sort of, you know, equity and anti-oppression. I think about the connection between people. I think about our humanity and I look at what's happening in the world and in, in households. And I think, wow, we have disconnected.
From our humanity, from our own humanity, but from the humanity between people. So when I, this work for me is about reconnecting people to people. To their humanity and to the humanity of others in the corporate space. It looks very structured. It looks like, how are you, how are you hiring from what are the biases that you have when you when you speak to your colleagues when you when you speak to your.
Direct reports when you as a, as a physician or as a healthcare provider, when you walk into a patient room, or even as a patient, when a physician walks into the room, because oftentimes we talk about in the equity space bias against patients, however. We also know that when physicians of color walk into spaces, they are also have that same experience bias and discrimination and sort of that, that anti ism space.
And so how do we begin to dismantle that, and then really see where there is the commonality and the connection between people. Thank you. We really need more people like you to be advocating about this. And it doesn't just happen, I guess, in clinical work, but even in the online space. Absolutely. Oh, absolutely.
And I, and I, I feel like in the online space, because there's such disconnectedness, you're not face to face with people. It gives people sort of carte blanche, you know, to, to, to act in ways that they wouldn't if they were, you know, if they were face to face. And I also think that, unfortunately, The environment has perpetuated this type of behavior.
And so we're seeing it in, you know, we're seeing it across online, but then unfortunately that online then has translated a little bit more to that face-to-face interaction. Yeah. And I guess one of the topics that is quite heated in the online space is really about parenting. What we started this episode with parents worrying that they traumatized their child by being too strict, and at the same time worrying that they're spoiling their child by being too gentle.
So we're sort of the generation that is caught in between all of these changes and all of these new discoveries. Absolutely. And I mean, I, I am not, I'm not sure what generation you're, you're from, I'm, I'm, I identify as generation X. So am I. I heard that in your podcast and I said, I can totally relate.
Gen X raised by baby boomers. Exactly. It's funny because you know, we can't always tell. We look, we look so young. It's like, Oh, which generation? But yeah, as, as a general, you know, raised by baby boomers, it was a different time. And, and it's interesting because when I talk about this, I talk about, you know, thinking about it, how our parents grew up and how they were raised and the time that they were raised in, and especially, especially in communities of color, you know, where they're the, the thought process was survival.
And so when we talk about trauma, yeah. So when I think about, you know, the trauma, Of inside of parenting and you think about what trauma is in general. It is the, it's the response to threats. It's our response to what the brain perceives as threat. And so if you think about what our parents were going through and what their parents were going through and, and generationally speaking, and we do know trauma can be passed down epigenetically, which means, you know, it's, it's, it's not.
DA, but it's on top of it. . Yeah. And it can be passed down culturally as well. And so what happens is that you have our parents who were definitely in a space of survival. I mean, I think about my parents came just on the cusp of Jim Crow and, and the civil rights era. And then we're just a few generations we're, it's weird to say out loud, but we're we're just a few generations from slavery.
We're not that far away from it. And so if you think about the, the, the, the ans or the ancestral, the, the generational aspect of it, they were in this space of always threat. And so the way that they parented was from survival and threat. And now we don't necessarily what with all that. We know we don't have to do that anymore.
Wow, that is, that is amazing. And that is a new way of looking at it. So what is trauma and what kind of experiences are considered traumatic? Because usually when people hear trauma, they would think of experiences like growing up in a war torn country, or when you talked about coming from a place of threat, sometimes the older generations may not be able to understand what is so traumatic about life today when quote unquote, we have it so easy.
So, Indeed growing up in a war torn country or experiencing severe abuse, these are horrible experiences that no one should ever have to go through, but are there less recognized forms of trauma that may be affecting us without us realizing it? Absolutely. You know, it's it's when a person is experiencing either like one big intensity.
So we talk about these big events, but it could be multiple ongoing intensities. You know, if you have a, if you grow up in a home where you may have had it great, but then maybe you didn't get the. The attention, the love, you know, it was like void of love, or if you were always being criticized over and over and over again.
So you have this context where you can do nothing right. Like these are like multiple small, like 1000 paper cuts. type of thing. I'm so glad you brought, you brought that up Maisha, because a lot of people still think that criticism is necessary. Repeated criticism is necessary to help kids learn what they need to do.
In fact, a lot of the clients I work with, they tell me something like when I was growing up my parents only told me what I did wrong. And when they were quiet, that was how I knew that I did it right. And they're worried that us praising kids is making them is making them spoiled. So sometimes my heart breaks for those who were raised in this way, and it can take a lot of healing and determination to break away from that.
So I'm glad you pointed out that living in a space, in a space where you are constantly scolded and criticized can also be a form of trauma. It can. Growing up in a space where people raised their voices and yelled at you all the time. You know, that's another, even, even though there was not necessarily a physical, you know, a physical assault.
And I did use the word assault that, that, that yelling that's a, it's an emotional or even emotional manipulation or cycle, like, you know, parents who play mind games constantly with their kids. It's, it's a space that like the guilt, the guilt tripping. If you love me, you have to finish your food. Yep. Yep.
The threatening, you know, being threatened all the time. I mean, that's the, that's the kind of household you, you don't, you know, like that kind of thing. Yeah. And so I know I, I just want to pause here. I know that some of our listeners hearing this might feel guilty and say, Oh no, I didn't know that that was traumatic because that was how I was brought up.
I thought it worked for me. So if. Some of these things we're talking about are things that you are doing do not feel guilty because that is how our brains are programmed. But you are here, you're listening to this. So that means you have the desire to change and to heal and not to pass that on to your kids.
And we honor that. I am so glad that you said that, because that is, that is one of the top things that I, top messagings that I give is, is it's, it's recognizing what it is and, and if that is something, even if it's one or a couple of things that you're doing, it's when you begin to recognize it, that's the first step.
Because then you can begin to learn different ways to be able to manage and practice them. And the other thing I'd like to say about that is that your brain has been etching this, this behavior pattern for however many years or decades, it's been etching that behavior pattern. And That means it will take practice to be able to dismantle and to shift that behavior.
So if you're not perfect at it the first time or the second time or even the 10th time, you've got to have some self compassion. And there's a balance of self compassion and accountability. Because even after doing this kind of work for a decade, I still, you know, sometimes I still slip and, and, and I, and I have parents in my life, moms in my life that, you know, remind me you're a good parent, you know?
And so I just, I, I'm so glad that you said that because I think that it's important because it can be traumatic for us as parents to learn that we are traumatizing our kids in some kind of way. And so we don't want to be traumatizing the parents. For maybe historically traumatizing their kids in the past.
So we talked about how these experiences can be etched in our brains. So how does the experience of trauma affect the brain and the behavior or communication and even our health? Yes, absolutely. Well, so when I, when I talk about, trauma in the brain, I, you know, I talk about sort of this the, the three, the big three parts of the brain that the, you know, the prefrontal cortex, and this is stuff you, of course, you, you all know about, but the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala and the hippocampus.
And so you have this, Amygdala, which is always scanning for threat. It's always scanning for threat, right? That's, that's the way I sort of like to, to create it. And then you have the hippocampus, which is sort of our library. So it's always, you know, it's always comparing the memories. So you have the scan.
Is this a threat? No, not, not a threat. And then you can delegate it to the prefrontal cortex, which is our decision making. It's where higher brain functioning is, but the moment, the moment that they're. Is a perceived threat, and that could be a physical that could be a psychological. It could be a social threat.
The moment there is a perceived threat, then the amygdala takes over and all of that great decision making capacity that you have, it goes away and your body prepares. To, to, to fight like the bull, to run away. It may freeze to block out the threat. It may go into people pleasing mode. It may go into a variety of different responses that will take over your normal, what your normal behavior pattern would be if you had your, your higher brain function.
So that means things like getting angry easily or even being unsure of yourself and feeling the need to people, please, all of these can be borne out of things that we've experienced that could have been traumatic. Now there's this common misconception that Oh, I don't remember it. So it's no big deal or, Oh, it's not as bad as what other people experienced.
Others had it worse. So if it's affecting me, then that means I'm weak. So I hope we can break these misconceptions for those who are listening here. If you feel that you know, I didn't have it as bad as other people. So why am I feeling traumatized? Does this mean I'm weak or I'm spoiled? So let's break these misconceptions.
Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, I'll tell, I'll tell a little story and I shared that I grew up in a home where I witnessed domestic violence and, and, and for many years of my life. And so I was talking to a friend of mine. This was many years ago, maybe about 10, 10 to 15 years ago. How old am I? Maybe about 10 years ago.
And. I was sharing with her relation of a relationship issue, and she asked me, I guess, by what I was sharing, she asked me, well, do you happen to be a trauma survivor. And I thought to myself, I said, well, no, I don't think so. I said, well, my mom is a trauma survivor and I shared about the domestic abuse, and she looks at me dead in my face and she says, You're a trauma survivor.
So what's interesting about that is what, just exactly what you said. I said, well, I didn't experience the abuse directly. I saw my, I mean like she had, she was the one that was experiencing directly. Back then I had no contacts for. So, when, just because, you weren't, you didn't experience that direct trauma, like there are, there are There's direct, there's indirect, there's inside of indirect, there's secondary, and then there's vicarious, which is where you're, you know, even during the pandemic, witnessing all the things that we witnessed, watching the violence on TV, watching the protests, watching, hearing, hearing about.
People, the, the level of death that was occurring around the world. Like that's vicarious trauma and it's going to impact us. And the thing about it is the brain does not distinguish, the brain does not distinguish between. The three. And so we have to understand that those things that, that affected you, that you feel like, Oh, well, I shouldn't be affected.
Other people have it worse. We have to honor our own experience. Even when there is a worse happening that's happening around the world, because that's where we can get begin to get into retraumatizing ourselves by invalidating and gaslighting ourselves out of honoring our own experience. That is so beautiful.
If there's a parent who's listening and recognizing that trauma may be affecting how they're responding to their kids, or trauma may be affecting their parenting, what can they do about it? Well, I think the first thing that is very important is to recognize that you're having a trauma response because then you can take care of yourself.
And one of the ways that I, you know, teach in, in, you know, various rooms to do this is to begin to like, feel what's going on in your body before. You get activated. So for example, one of the exercises I do in, in, in big rooms and corporate rooms, when I'm teaching about this emotional flexibility is think about a time where you felt happy.
What did that feel like in your body? What did you see here, feel and, and sort of, you know, clock that, lock that in. Think of a time where you might've felt afraid. What did that feel like in your body? You know, clock that in, think of a time where. You may have felt like you were invalidated or not listened to because as parents, that's a thing that comes up when, when our kids to do something in there and they do something the opposite that comes up and that could, that could activate a not being listened to, or a invalidated or something of that, or respect it could, it could activate something like that, but it's to begin to like sit with yourself and think of times, think of a time where you felt loved.
And clock that. So when you begin to clock, how that feels in your body, like the, the actual physical intelligence that your body already has, then when it becomes, when it starts to rise up, and I often say, think of a time when you were upset or angry, what happened just before that? What did you feel just before that?
What did you feel just before that? Because then you start to experience the gradations of emotion. That happened leading to anger and you can then stop yourself in that time before and begin to communicate. Go take care of yourself. 1 of the things I do with my son, who is 9, by the way, is when I start to, I know that for me, before I get angry, I'm, I'm like irritated and then I'm, I'm going to be like frustrated.
And then I'm like annoyed. So annoyed is sort of the 1st, the 1st gradation of it. So when I get annoyed. Okay. I might communicate. Oh, man. Okay. Delson. I'm getting annoyed. I'm getting annoyed, you know, and especially if we're in a closed space where I can't remove myself from the space, like the car, if that is a hot spot.
Yes. If we're in the house, it's easy. I can go to another room. I can take some breaths. I can recognize, okay, where's this coming from. Why am I really feeling annoyed? What is it activating from my past? But if I'm in the car driving, I don't have that capacity always. I don't have that luxury. So then you can either communicate it.
And say, Hey, I need some quiet time. You can make a request. And if you don't mind, I would love to just distinguish something you said earlier, the difference between, you know, gentle parenting and this, this whole piece of gentle parenting, making, our children's, I use the word soft. And that, I think that.
We need to understand is gentle. I think there's a context for what gentle parenting looks like. Exactly. It can mean different things depending on which Instagram account you follow. Yes. And so gentle parenting is not passive parenting. Yes. Gentle parenting, maybe still, you still set boundaries inside of gentle parenting.
You still get to feel your emotions inside of gentle parenting. You just don't get to, like, there is a, there's a stopping point of, of interacting with your child in a way that would harm them. And if, here's the, here's the other, the other caveat to that, we all make mistakes. If you do something that's harmful, like if you yell at them, if you, whatever the case may be, the most important thing to do is to clean it up.
That is, kids are very resilient, and If you're cleaning it up and you're changing your behavior, they will notice, they will notice. So I think that's an important thing because I grew up in a generation where my parents never apologized to me. They never admitted when they were wrong. And that's a huge thing inside of our conscious parenting that we can shift and change and that mitigates trauma.
I'm glad you brought that up because sometimes people will get confused also what is gentle parenting and they will think that gentle parenting is different from conscious parenting, but they're not actually at odds with each other, but they all complement each other. Absolutely. And I'm glad that we also honor the diversity of what All of us may have experienced, whether in our childhood or at present, like a lot of the parents I work with are still in a situation where they're surrounded by people who criticize their child and who tell them that you need to spank your child or shout at their child.
And I know that. In some cultures, or even in some, let's say if you look at the parenting side, in most parenting sites, they do not acknowledge this, or they would just say something like, well, it's your child. So your rules, you can just, you know, avoid them. But the reality is with how diverse our situations are, things like that may not always be possible.
So, we may have clients who are in a situation where they want to practice a gentle parenting, mindful or conscious parenting. They want to heal from the trauma. They want, don't want to pass it on, but they're still surrounded by people who are traumatizing their child. So how can a parent in that situation, move forward and protect their kids?
If I guess I call this positive parenting in a negative world. Like how do we do positive parenting in a negative environment? And this is something that I realized nobody in the parenting space talks about, like they assume that if we look at most of the parenting books, they assume that, okay, I'm for positive parenting.
And so is everybody around me. That's, but that's not the reality for the majority of people in the world. Absolutely. That is that I'm so glad that you brought that up because it is not talked about. And this is where. We have to, as parents, really set those boundaries with the people around us. And, and, and we have, and I think that as parents, especially if those people who are, are yelling at our children are our parents.
Or our siblings, sometimes it can be more chat. Well with the siblings, not so much, but with the parents, it can be challenging to set those boundaries. I, I my mom came to live with me when the first year of my son's life, I became a single parent fairly early on. And so she came to live with me and It was interesting because, you know, my parent would say, my mom would say things like, well, I raised you and you turned out to be just fine.
And you definitely turned out more than fine. But I would say, I would say, did I know we would have somewhat of a banter. However, I did have to set some firm boundaries with my mom. I had to sit her down and say, listen, you are right. You raised me. And for the most part. I turned out fine. However, you are done raising.
This is my son, and I am in charge. And this is the boundary that I set. So, so, you know, we're going to do things this way in this house. This is the way I talk to my kid. This is the way I expect, this is what I expect for you to avoid doing, you know, like these types of things. And it was very difficult for her and she adjusted over time.
Now, I am fortunate enough to where I didn't have to do a lot of boundary setting around her yelling at my son. And My, one of my sisters did. And so the boundary to set there is to really say, look, if you are going to, and this may be challenging for people to hear, but it is the way we protect our kids.
If you're going to traumatize, yell at hit my kid, I will not bring them around. Right. And that is, that's the way we protect it. It takes courage and it takes the willingness to be uncomfortable. Yes. But that's the way you protect your kids or from people around you who refused to modify their behavior.
And that does take a lot of courage. And another thing also I'd like to point out what you mentioned earlier, that even if you were not the one who directly experienced the abuse, you are still affected because there's a misconception, for example, if somebody keeps on yelling at them and criticizing them, the parent, they say, Oh, that's okay, because I mean, they're just abusing me and not my kid.
And Remember, your child is watching. And if you are being abused and disrespected and gaslighted, know that it's not just affecting you, but it's also affecting your kids. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I advocate for You know, parents who have grown up or if you're recognizing, Oh my gosh, you know, I am, I am, you know, I did have trauma in my childhood.
I advocate for having a therapist, because The therapist can actually help you to recognize where the little nuances of where you may not be setting boundaries. So even like in the work that I do, I keep a therapist because, you know, we can start to slip back into old patterns very easily, especially when we're under duress.
Right. And, you know, I say, we say hungry, angry, lonely, tired. That's the acronym HALT, the HALT acronym, but I've, I've often added the S on the end, which is stressed, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, stressed. And if there are, when you're in a perfect, perfectly curated environment, which we are not often, then we can, we can parent positively, we can parent gently, we can parent consciously, all of the, all of the things.
But when we are in an environment where we are constantly stressed, where we are, we have gone a long time without food, when we're overstimulated, it can be more difficult and we can slide back into whatever that trauma response may be, whether it's freezing, whether it's avoiding, whether it's, you know, being more aggressive, whether it's people pleasing, we can slide back into those.
Those patterns. And so I think having a therapist, especially around the holidays, so important when, when we walk into what would be the normal family dynamic and take our role, yes. To, to like check in with a therapist before and after to really re fortify your own sense of self. Yeah. I remember a story of a mom who was really traumatized during one of the holiday celebrations because all the relatives were bearing down on her in front of her child and telling her that your child needs a spanking.
And that's because her child was running around and broke a plate. I mean. It really is heartbreaking and we have to recognize the reality that these things are happening. And we also honor the parents who are breaking free of these influences. While at the same time recognizing that the older generation doing that, it doesn't mean that we're saying they're bad.
But as you said, they are coming from their own experiences of being traumatized. So we're here to protect our kids, to create a world where kids are empowered and not afraid. And for that to happen, healing needs to do healing needs to happen. And I'm glad that you pointed out that this is some work that can be done one on one with a therapist because there's really no one size fits all solution to this.
I mean, I don't know if you see also on your Facebook, all these ads popping up like get this program that is guaranteed to stop yelling in 14 days. I mean, it's like, give me a break. We are humans here, right? Yeah. Having parents, having therapists, having, having coaches like yourself and having, you know, like all of these things are very important, like whoever you choose, like, and, and here's the thing there is.
It's not mutually exclusive. You can have a therapist. I have a therapist and you can have a coach because they may do different things. Yes. And you can have, you know, you can do that. Read the book. Yeah. Just podcasts. Yeah. Podcast. You can, you can go and get yourself trained, you know, in various forms of community.
You can do all of the things. Because it all helps, it all helps to rewire your brain over time. Wow, so this has been such a wonderful discussion and if somebody would like to know more, could you tell us about your podcast and your work and where they can go if they want to listen to your podcast or work with you?
Absolutely. So if you, if I definitely want you to come and listen to the podcast is called the black mind garden and it's on apple, it's on Spotify and, and, you know, you could just go to the black mind garden. com that you can do it there too. But this is where you can learn a lot more about the kind of.
Work that I do a little bit more about neuro linguistic programming and the trauma informed communication. I talk a lot about communication in that podcast. And if you want to learn more about trauma informed communication, I do have a course and it's called communication that transforms and it can transform the way you not only communicate with your, your kids, but just in general in your life.
So I'll make sure you have the link to that as well. Yeah. We'll link to it in the show notes. Sure. Absolutely. I appreciate that. And then just my website, it just to kind of learn a little bit more about all of the various offerings. I have is mind remapping academy. com that's mind M I N D remapping R E M A P P I N G academy, like the academy.
com. And there you can see, you know, the trainings that I do, the course, the consulting, if you happen to be in an organization and you're like, we need this in our organization, if you need me for speaking, you know, these, you can see about all of all of the things that I do there and contact me from there.
Thank you for sharing that with us and we will link to them in the show notes. So anything else that you'd like to share with us? I just, I think that I just want to thank you for the work that you're doing in, in this parenting community. I always love to connect with my, I like to say my fellow transformation warriors.
Yeah, exactly. It feels like we are warriors. Yes. Yes. Yes. Our sisters in transformation. Yeah. And so I just want to impart upon the parents to have compassion for yourself as you move through this process, because we know that we only want the best for our kids. We want them to be saved. We want them to be successful.
We want them to go out and create. Healthy relationships of their own. We have to remember that we have to do the work too, but just have compassion for yourself. As you do this work, get a community around you that can continue to pour into you as well, because we are constantly pouring into our kids.
And the more you get poured into, as you learn this work, the easier it is to navigate the challenges of. Parenting. And I'd also like to share that Maisha and I are actually coming to you today from opposite sides of the world, which shows that there are really common threads that unite us in parenting, no matter where we are.
And this research on trauma And how it affects our brain and how we can transcend it also, also spans across cultures because we often hear the argument that, okay, all this talk about healing from trauma or gentle parenting, all of that is a luxury for certain cultures, it applies only to some cultures, not to our culture for here, what we need is that Rigid authoritarian parenting with the criticism.
So I guess coming at you from different parts of the world from different cultures shows that this is universal. And maybe it's actually something like this that can bring healing and peace to the world. So I actually tell moms that they're working for world peace one child at a time. Oh my goodness.
That is so beautiful. Thank you. I'm getting, I'm like tearing up a little bit. That is so beautiful. Thank you. Wow. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it, and it comes back full circle to that. There is more commonality that we experienced in differences. Yes. It was such a privilege to talk with you. And I'm sure all our listeners today agree that it was such a privilege to hear from you and learn from you and you are an inspiration to all of us, and for all our listeners also be sure to follow us on Follow the Discerning Parenting podcast and head over to Dr.
Mejia's podcast as well and head over to discerningparenting. com. 📍 We also have resources about different parenting topics from dealing with kids with behavior challenges. So in a way that is kind and does not need our anger or yelling or criticism. And we also have resources on topics such as adverse childhood experiences.
Which we talked about today. So thank you so much, Maisha. Bye bye. Bye. Have a good one.