In a season dominated by adding more to our already overflowing to-do lists, let's take a refreshing approach. Join us as we explore resolutions prioritizing freedom and space over additional tasks and goals.
In this episode, we delve into creating space in our lives. As parents, our plates are already full, and it's time to consider what we can remove from our never-ending list of responsibilities. It's not about doing more; it's about cultivating space for peace, joy, and those spontaneous moments of connection that define the beauty of parenting.
Tune in as we share insights, tips, and personal stories to inspire you to declutter your schedule and embrace a New Year's resolution that truly enhances your parenting experience. It's time to trade the chaos for calm and make room for the extraordinary moments that make parenthood so uniquely wonderful.
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This time of the year, everyone's talking about New Year's resolutions, adding on more things to do. But as parents, our to do lists are already long enough as it is. And that's why I want to talk about a different kind of New Year's resolution. These are resolutions that free us up. Instead of piling on new tasks or goals, Let's explore what we can remove from our ever growing mountain of things to do.
It's not about doing more. It's about creating space. So we have space for peace. for joy, and for those spontaneous moments of connection that make parenting so wonderful and unique.
Are there days you feel you've had it with the sleepless nights, the temper tantrums, the constant fatigue of trying to keep up with an active baby? Does it feel like you're always working so hard as a parent, trying to do everything for your kids and family, and yet it never feels enough? We get it. You love your child more than anything, and yet parenting is also exhausting and challenging.
Especially when you're bombarded with criticism and pressure to be the perfect parent. Which, spoiler alert, does not exist. That's why we created Discerning Parenting, the podcast that helps you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters in your parenting journey. This podcast is jam-packed with valuable insights and practical tips specifically tailored for parents of kids aged 5 and below.
So join us and discover how you can use the combined power of science, knowing your child, and your own intuition in making the best parenting decisions for you and your family. This year, instead of New Year's resolutions of more things to do, let's explore New Year's resolutions that free us up.
I'm proposing that we stop doing these three things today. Number one thing that we can stop, over over-scheduling and constantly providing entertainment for our kids. Remember, we're parents. We're not on-demand entertainment systems. We're not Netflix. We're not party entertainers. Even if you may be listening to this and you're a party entertainer, you don't want to do that 24/7.
It's not like in school where we need to have the entire class time planned out in five-minute intervals. Now, some time ago, I went on our national media and I said, It's okay for kids to get bored. It's good for their development. And I caught some flack for saying this, and I realized that this is a new idea for many people.
Because we live in a world that's afraid of boredom. We may be so scared of boredom that the moment it seems like our kids get bored, we feel like we need to hand over a gadget or prepare some activity to entertain them. And if we've felt this way, it's not our fault. That is how society has conditioned us to act as parents, and we do have good intentions.
And it is true that it's important to stimulate kids development. Obviously, we don't advocate having young toddlers just in their playpen, staring into space with nobody engaging with them. We can't overdo it. In my work, I've met so many moms who feel guilty because their kids are just playing and not learning.
And I put quotes on just playing and not learning because it's not true, it's just a perception. It doesn't mean that when kids are playing without instructions, without adult directions, or without structure, it doesn't mean that they're not learning, and as you'll see later on, in fact, they're actually learning more.
And kids do need at least some amount of boredom in their lives. So we should not feel pressured to fill every minute of our kids' lives with activities and entertainment. In our excitement to provide the best for our kids, it's easy to fall into the trap of packing their schedules with endless activities.
If we have younger kids, this may mean getting exhausted planning, and preparing for activities to fill their day. In fact, one of the most common feedback I get from the parents in my courses, they will say, thank you because now I don't need to worry about it. Planning and preparing all the time and getting exhausted I can just relax and enjoy my time with the kids.
And then for parents of older kids, over-scheduling may mean shuttling them from soccer practice to piano lessons, from art and foreign language classes to multiple tutoring sessions, leaving little downtime. And this non-stop schedule can leave us all exhausted. We often believe that more is better. And even if we're exhausted, parents may tell themselves, all this hard work, all this sacrifice is worth it if it's truly better for our kids.
And a lot of times this can even lead to tantrums due to exhaustion and a lot of power struggles. And then they're going to say, well, it's worth it, right? Because it's going to be better in the long run. But is it really? Each activity. Might be beneficial on its own, but together, they may leave little room for downtime.
And what can happen? First, it can take away from family bonding time. And, what do kids' brains need the most at this stage in their development? What is the one factor that has been shown by plenty of research to have the most influence on their brain development, their mental wellness, and even their physical health?
You guessed it, it's real and loving connections with the significant people in their lives. In other words, your bonding time. This means That the time that they spend with you will do more for your child's brain development than any lesson you can enroll them in. Second, it's not just parents who feel this strain and exhaustion.
But our kids do too. Why? Because kids need free play and unstructured time. This is how kids learn to be creative, to problem solve, and to be independent. If we try to account for every hour, we may rob them of these valuable learning opportunities. And it can be ironic that In trying to give our kids the best of everything, they may end up missing out on the simplest and easiest things that they actually need the most.
Structured activities do have their place, but not to the point that it's already stressful or exhausting for us as parents, and not to the point that it's already depriving kids of family bonding, free play, or even necessities like sleep, and this is something that we're seeing more and more often.
Overscheduled kids who don't even get enough sleep. So after this, you have the permission to let go of some of the activities. Maybe just prioritize the ones that your kids truly enjoy, all of you feel empowered doing, and activities that they may be asking for and that truly play on their strengths and their interests.
The second thing that you can permit yourself to stop doing is feeling guilty for self-care. And self-care helps all of us feel energized and refreshed, and without it, we're not at our best. Our kids need us to be okay. And if we look at it that way, self-care is a hugely essential way of taking care of our kids.
There's this myth that being a good parent means constantly sacrificing your own needs for your kids. And often, sacrificing ourselves for everyone else in our families, too. But we can't pour from an empty cup. We need to let go of the guilt, that nagging feeling that creeps up when we take a step back for some ME time.
Think about the last time you had a moment to yourself. Whether it was a short walk or just a few minutes of doing nothing, how did you feel afterwards? How did that affect your interactions with your family? When we take care of ourselves, we're not just rejuvenating our own spirits, but we're also indirectly nurturing our family.
Because our well-being has a ripple effect on the overall atmosphere of our home. And taking care of Your own wellness as a parent doesn't have to be time-consuming or elaborate. Head over to the previous two episodes of the Discerning Parenting podcast, where we've been talking about self-care and healing.
So permit yourself to pause. It's not just okay to take care of yourself, but it is a Necessity. It's a strategic recharge and it benefits not just you, but your entire family as well. The third thing that we can permit ourselves to stop doing in 2024 is comparing ourselves with other parents.
It's okay to step away from social media for a while, especially if it's making us feel bad about ourselves. Take a break and go back to the real world. Where we're all imperfect. We don't know the whole story behind that picture-perfect home we saw on Pinterest or Instagram. What we often see are highlight reels.
And not the complete unfiltered picture. So instead of feeling pressure to do the same, celebrate the home that you do have, no matter how messy or inadequate it may seem. It is a wonderful home. If you are here, you are creating a wonderful home for your child. Celebrate the mess, and know it means you have a happy and creative child.
Every family is unique. We all have our own values, challenges, and family dynamics. And what is wonderfully well for one family might not be suitable for another. And when we constantly compare ourselves with other parents, we end up feeling guilty or resentful. We feel not enough. It can distract us from appreciating the beauty of our own family's journey.
And discerning parenting is all about helping us make better parenting decisions. But if we fall into the comparison trap, It can also cloud our judgment, and we end up making choices that come from pressure or misinformation, rather than making decisions because that's truly the best for us. Instead of comparing, we can celebrate the strengths and uniqueness of your family and each child. scrolling through social media, Let's be present in the moment and appreciate the joys and achievements of everybody, whether it's ours or other people, no matter how small they may seem. Let's encourage our kids to understand and celebrate their individuality. This builds a growth mindset and a sense of self-worth that isn't dependent on being better or worse than others and that isn't dependent on comparison.
That's why I love a comment I received from Mommy Emily. She said, You've really given me the confidence as a parent. Do not go crazy comparing myself to other moms on social media. I value your comments, and if this episode has helped you in any way, it would mean so much if you could leave a review so it can help more parents as well.
So here are the three things you can give yourself permission to stop doing in 2024. First, over-scheduling and constantly providing entertainment for kids. Second, feeling guilty for self-care. And third, comparing yourself with other parents. These three things, they're not just actions and things that we do, but they can be habits and in built reactions.
Why? Because of something that has been ingrained in us and in our subconscious. That feeling of not being enough. And a lot of stress in parenting may come from that feeling of not being enough. That's why I'm excited to announce an upcoming free webinar called, Why you don't feel enough and how to change it.
This webinar will delve into the hidden ways that feeling not enough can show up in our lives and in our relationships, including the relationships we have with our kids. And we'll talk about what we can do about it. So head over to discerningparenting. com slash toolkit and sign up for our mailing list.
So, you'll be among the first to know when this free webinar is open for registration. You'll also receive a free parenting toolkit. If you're listening to this episode weeks from now, and the webinar has finished, you'll also want to sign up and get our free parenting toolkit, as well as our emails with insights and inspiration, like this episode, which will help ease the stress and guilt in your parenting life.
and help you make parenting decisions that are right for you. Again, to join our community and get exclusive access to resources like a free parenting toolkit and our coming free webinar, head over to discerningparenting.com/toolkit and sign up for our mailing list. Together, we can stop making parenting about doing more and instead be discerning about what we focus on.
Thank you for listening, and next week we talk about why promising to keep calm is not the way to stop yelling. You don't want to miss this, so be sure to follow the Discerning Parenting Podcast.