059 - Parenting Guilt: The Result of Unethical Marketing? with Dr. Michelle Mazur

Have you ever come across a Facebook Ad promising to eliminate yelling in just 21 days, accompanied by a child's drawing depicting a mom as a monster? 

The pressure on parents to meet unrealistic standards is relentless, and it's time to confront the potentially harmful effects of unethical marketing on our mental health and parenting journey.

Our special guest for this crucial conversation is Dr. Michelle Mazur, a messaging strategist, word wizard, and author with a PhD in communication. As the host of the Rebel Uprising podcast and co-host of "Duped: The Dark Side of Online Business," Dr. Michelle sheds light on the subtle manipulation tactics that contribute to parental guilt and stress.

Join us as we discuss the impact of these marketing strategies on both parents and their children and explore ways to navigate the challenges of contemporary parenting in the digital age. If you've ever felt the weight of societal expectations as a parent, this episode is a must-listen.

About our guest:
Dr. Michelle Mazur is a visionary messaging strategist and word wizard behind the acclaimed "Make Marketing Suck Less" podcast and author of three influential books, including, "The 3 Word Rebellion: Create a One-of-a-Kind Message that Grows Your Business into a Movement." As the founder and CEO of Communication Rebel, Dr. Michelle specializes in empowering change-making business owners, entrepreneurs, and speakers to become thought leaders by harnessing the power of their unique message. Her innovative 3-Word Rebellion approach helps clients stand out and make a lasting impact in their industries, revolutionizing how they communicate and connect with their audience.

⭐ Get our book The Discerning Parent's Guide to Toddler Behavior: From Power Struggles to Connection is now on Amazon. Click here to learn more about Dr. Victoria Nolasco's books.

⭐ Check out our FREE Discerning Parenting Toolkit and Resource Library.

⭐ Go from yelling, tears, and frustration to peace and positivity. Join the Discerning Parent's Club - your safe space to get the personalized support you need.

The Discerning Parenting Podcast is a free informational resource for parents. As a valued listener, you acknowledge that any information you get from this podcast is for your general guidance only, and ​​must never be considered a substitute for the advice provided by a doctor, therapist, or other qualified medical professionals who know your child specifically. Read our full disclaimer policy here.

Transcript

 Like you don't want to mess your kids up. You want to give them the best foundation, the best shot in life. And I think that it is like those great desires, those worthy desires are really easy for marketers to come in and manipulate, to make you feel like. Ah, you're not doing enough. Ooh, you yelled at your kid.

You're a bad parent. This is how you can stop yelling in 21 days when really you're not a bad parent. You're a human being having a human experience.

 Are there days you feel you've had it with the sleepless nights, the temper tantrums, the constant fatigue of trying to keep up with an active baby? Does it feel like you're always working so hard as a parent, trying to do everything for your kids and family, and yet it never feels enough? We get it. You love your child more than anything, and yet parenting is also exhausting and challenging.

Especially when you're bombarded with criticism and pressure to be the perfect parent. Which, spoiler alert, does not exist. That's why we created Discerning Parenting, the podcast that helps you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters in your parenting journey. This podcast is jam packed with valuable insights and practical tips specifically tailored for parents of kids age 5 and below.

So join us and discover how you can use the combined power of science, knowing your child, and your own intuition in making the best parenting decisions for you and your family.   

Maybe you've seen a Facebook ad that says, stop yelling in 21 days and then there's a child's drawing of a mom portrayed as a monster. Every day I see parents ridden with guilt, working so hard and Still always feeling like they're bad parents, and I see how parents feel stressed and guilty when they say something being promoted on the internet and they're not doing that with their kids.

And today I'm going to talk about a very controversial and potentially triggering topic, but I think it's something we need to talk about because as parents we already deal with so much pressure and this pressure may be affecting our kids. And we need to take a step back and ask, could unethical marketing be triggering your parenting guilt and adding to your mental load?

  I'm very fortunate to have with me today someone who's podcast  I binge listen on, and I've been fortunate to work with her. If you love our message in discerning parenting, she had a huge role to play in that. And I'd love to welcome to the discerning parenting podcast, Dr. Michelle Mazur. She's a messaging strategist and a word wizard, an author.

And host of the Rebel Uprising podcast and co host of the podcast Doot, the dark side of online business. And she has a PhD  in communication. And, Michelle, that means that, you know What makes people say yes or no to a message that they see or hear? Yeah, so my background is in communication and persuasion.

So I really understand, like, how people make decisions, what's compelling, and how we can manipulate people using certain triggers in order to get them to stop critically thinking and just buy. Yeah, so we're one, we're going to dive into this in this episode. So when we see those advertisements directed at us as parents, the moment that Facebook figures out that you're a parent, are our critical thinking processes being bypassed?

And Michelle, I love how you're a researcher at heart. So what you're saying with us, what you'll be sharing with us today, they're not just our opinions formed out of nowhere, but there's actual science and research. behind them. So we're going to explore this question. Where is your parental guilt coming from?

Is it based on fact or are we being manipulated by marketing messages?  Yeah, and I think a lot of the times, especially social media, especially Facebook ads, it is very easy to manipulate parents because I am not a parent myself, I am friends with a lot of parents, and it is a huge weight, like you don't want to mess your kids up, you want to give them the best foundation, the best shot very much.

in life. And I think that it, like, those great desires, those worthy desires are really easy for marketers to come in and manipulate to make you feel like, ah, you're not doing enough. Ooh, you yelled at your kid. You're a bad parent. This is how you can stop yelling in 21 days. When, really, you're not a bad parent, you're a human being having a human experience.

 But the way that the marketing is set up, it's really pressing on that pain point and agitating it and making you feel like you're going to destroy the life of your child if you don't buy this free 21 day course on how to stop yelling. Yeah, because that's what marketers are thought to do. And when we say that parents are commonly manipulated, we are saying this with utmost respect and no shaming at all.

It's not about being not smart or all of that because even very smart people with, Advanced degrees, and who make excellent decisions when it comes to their career. Like, you may be the CEO, and, but when it comes to parenting, and then you see these messages, and then they're tugging at your heartstrings, it can bypass all that intelligence and all of the training.

So that's why we wanted to get this episode out, so that you're going to be empowered to look at that. Like, just to share an experience, like, Michelle, for example, if I see a course that says potty train your child in a weekend, I'm going to say that's crazy. You're not going to be able to potty train your child in a weekend.

But when I saw a course that said write your book in a weekend, I bought it believing that I could write my book in a weekend. And of course, Michelle, you're an author. We all know how that goes. I mean, you can, you can write a book in a, in a weekend, but if you're listening to this, I don't think any of you would want to read that.

Yeah, you could probably get a good solid draft, right? Like, yeah, but not like a polished book that you would be proud to put out. And I think I really wanted to comment on the whole, whole like, manipulation aspect and, and that there's nothing wrong with you. And it's really goes back to, for me, it's like how our brains are set up.

And this is why, like, if you have been duped, if you have been manipulated, if you had spent money on something that just didn't work for your child, didn't work for the way you want to be a parent, it's really not your fault because our brains are designed to save energy, right? The job of your brain is to keep you alive, and that requires a lot of energy and a lot of calories every single day.

So when all of the sudden we are seeing these marketing messages that are based in scarcity and pressing on pain points, and urgency, and our willingness to like want to do whatever we can for our kids, it's slowly shutting down all of our critical thinking skills, and our brain is like, Yeah, well, I guess you're going to need that because I, I don't have the bandwidth to keep you alive and to make a critical thinking decision for you right now.

And I think that's really why. And marketers or unethical marketers really know how to stack all of those triggers so that you can't think, like, so that your thinking brain shuts down and you're really just buying on impulse. So how do we distinguish between ethical and unethical marketing? Because, I mean  if we're in the online space, we do marketing, like I market my podcast and the Discerning Parents Club.

So how would a parent be empowered to spot when their critical thinking is already being bypassed due to unethical marketing? Yeah, I mean, I would say like if you feel yourself being triggered in some way, it's usually, I usually think it's like this kind of body response because what they're doing is they're building up a lot of discomfort because on one hand, you think you're a good parent or you're trying your best to be a good parent.

But you yelled at your kid today. And then you get that Facebook ad that says, stop yelling at your child and portrays you as a monster. And what's happening is that message is conflicting with your idea that you're a good parent. So there's all of this Discomfort. And when we feel that discomfort in our body, that is a signal to slow down and to listen and be like, oh, wait, what is being triggered?

Like, do I actually need this? So listening to ourselves, but then just being aware of some of the things like, Are they using a lot of scarcity? Like, ooh, you know, you can only get this program for the next three hours.  And after that, it's gone forever, which it's not really gone forever.  Or I only have like 10 downloads of this PDF.

No, they don't. They have so many downloads. So thinking about that, looking at Ask, I mean, if you're able to stop and feel that and then asking yourself, like, oh, wait, why is this person credible to talk to me about how to stop yelling at my kids? And really being like, oh, oh, I don't know, like, I don't know.

I'm just feeling like I need to buy this thing because I yelled at my kid and obviously that makes me a bad parent. And so just understanding that kind of impulse that's going on that triggers you to just buy, like, to be grabbing your credit card without even thinking about, like, do I need this thing?

 Yeah, well, Dr. Michelle, you mentioned about expertise, like what makes somebody credible to teach a course. Like, there's this idea going around in the internet space, the idea that anyone can be an expert, or if you've gotten results for yourself, you can get results for others. So, is it possible to manufacture expertise.

Like, I hear a lot of people, sometimes they even go to our clinic, and then they will bring something that they printed out on the internet, or they will send links from YouTube videos, and sometimes you don't even know, like, it's AI created and AI narrated, and then they're going to say, oh, it's on the internet, and it claims that an expert said it, so it must be true.

So, How do we, how do we address this? Or how about someone who had their own experience and then they say I've read many books about parenting, so you don't have to just buy my course. You learn from my experience and my mistakes and all the books that I have read. Mm hmm. Yeah. So I really feel like we are in this age of anti-expert bias.

Like, experts are not the people you should be trusting. And I'm in the United States, and I feel that, like, keenly every day. Like, don't trust your doctor. They're lying to you. So there's this, like, don't trust experts.  do rely on is the people who are like, oh, I have a kid just like you and I taught my kid to be potty trained in a weekend.

And if I did it, you can do it too. And that is a big red flag because even if they've read a lot of books, their experience of applying that expertise is literally to their own child.  And if the child is different. Yes! But the thing is, we have parents buying these courses and then it doesn't work for them, and then they blame themselves.

They're going to say, maybe I didn't apply it enough, I didn't work hard enough. Or, worse yet, it causes frustration towards their child. Or,  Mistaking the promise of the course because  I guess internet marketers are thought to have like this course promise and sometimes I guess this course promise gets mistaken for scientific facts or like for example there's a course about baby lead weaning and the course Let's say the course promise will say something like if you follow this method, then your child will be able to eat anything.

Your child won't be a picky eater. And then I've had a lot of parents saying, you know, I tried to do baby-led weaning, but maybe I wasn't. patient enough, so that's why my child is a picky eater. And then I show them the research that combined a lot of studies about baby-led weaning compared with other methods and it actually, doesn't, it doesn't conclusively show that if you do baby-lead weaning then your child isn't going to be a picky eater because of course every child is different.

And they're actually there's actually another feeding method that is a hybrid and it's a more balanced feeding method that has more evidence behind it. And that's one of the things that we talk about also in another episode. So yeah. How do we separate the science from the marketing messages?

Yeah, so I mean, I think part of that is understanding if all of their expertise is based on their own experience. That's not true expertise because a true expert is able to tailor what they know to you as a parent and to your child because like you are. Clearly, an expert, like you're like, Oh, there's this alternative way to do it that is actually more research back.

Maybe if you tried this instead like that is a sign of expertise. But if they are saying things like this is the one way to wean your baby so they're not picky either.  Yeah, that is the only right way. Yeah, because, I mean, even, even, even experts differ. Like, there are experts if you want to sleep train your baby, and there are experts for if you don't want to sleep train, and then you want to hold and cuddle your baby.

And I get parents who say, I'm so horrible because I'm not sleep training because that is how they've been marketed too. Like the only way to get your baby to sleep is if you sleep train. Yeah. And I mean, the secret that's not so secret is that. With, with experts, they tell you that it depends, so it'd be very different if I was selling a course that says I am going to help you figure out the best way to get your baby to sleep. 

Yeah. And without being like, oh, it's sleep training or, you know, like. Or this is my foolproof method that will get your baby sleeping by tonight. Those are the kind of messages, yeah. Anytime you hear like, yeah, like foolproof, the one way, the right way  a proven formula, that, that is all marketing speak.

It is not scientific.  Because real experts know that it does depend. It depends on your child. It depends on you as the parent. That's what the discerning parent is all about at the end of the day. Is thinking about you, your child, and what you know. And figuring out the best, like, tailoring that to you. So if anyone is promising you, like, To potty train in a weekend.

Yeah, that might work for them in a very specific type of child and parent, but if it doesn't work for you, you are not the problem.  The information, the course, is actually the problem because it wasn't right for you. So yeah, I think if you, if you see things like this is the foolproof formula, like that's a red flag for you to slow down and realize that, oh, they might be manipulating me.

Yeah. Or how about testimonials?  A lot of parents really look at the testimonials and the reviews. So, are testimonials regulated? So, for example, there's a child, there's a course that says, teach your two-year-old to read in 30 days. And then they have a video of a two-year-old reading a book aloud.

Which, by the way, that's not True reading, because true reading requires a lot of comprehension that may be beyond the language level of a two-year-old, so that's probably sounding out the words out loud. So we also have podcast episodes debunking that myth, but  they can be, they can really be very persuasive.

So something like you know, I was struggling so much and then I took this course and then after that, like, my child is now listening to me. I'm now,  you know, so, how can, yeah, yeah. How can we be discerning about the testimonials in a course? Yeah, so there is something called survivorship bias,  that the stories that get told are in the top one percent, right?

Yeah, so for example, there are courses that say, this course has helped let's say 10, over 10, 000 parents, and then you have maybe 100 testimonials. So even with 100 testimonials out of 10, 000, I mean, the most accurate way to do that would actually be to do survey research. And, you know, Dr. Michelle, I know this from experience because, for example, I took this course to help me start this online business.

And then, and then the course said like, this is a foolproof way to make an income of so and so. And looking at that ad, I know it's not true because I took that course and I didn't make so and so income even after applying for that course. So, if that can be true for a course about online business, definitely I think that can also be true for A course about anything parenting-related.

Yeah. And I think it's, you know, like you're saying like, Oh, we serve 10, 000 parents. And I've seen this claim in online business, like 80, 000 people have completed this. And it's like, yeah, they bought it, but did they get a result from it? Cause that sounds like a really impressive number. And then if you're looking at testimonials, just.

If this is the top 1%, that means there's a whole lot of people who didn't get a result or who aren't being featured for some reason. So yeah, so I think like those statistics can be misleading and it's And you, like, results, testimonials lack context. Like, I'm a bigger fan of seeing somebody's case study, so you get the full story of, like, this is what was going on with my kid, this is the type of kid I have, so then I went through this program, and I did this, this, and this, and then at the end, this is the behavior change that I saw in my child, right?

Like, that gives more context, versus, like, oh, I did this course, and I potty trained my kid with, out a problem in 24 hours, which is something you probably really want because potty training is not an enjoyable process. But yeah, they might have done that, but their kid might have been a little bit older.

Maybe they'd already been potty training them for a while. Like, you don't know the whole story. Yeah, like you just. don't know the whole story that is behind the testimonial. So I think testimonials are important, but I also think you should look at them with like, okay, but are there parents who have my parenting style or who are like, or who have children like my children featured here.

Like having that relatability, but also like, like these days I kind of take, I say testimonials are important, and I also take them with a grain of salt. Like knowing that I'm going to get out of a program or a course, like what I put in, and that some of it It might not be for me. It might not work for me.

And that's, that's the risk you're taking. There might be some good nuggets for you to pull out and to try, but if it, once again going back to being a discerning parent, like, if it doesn't feel right for you as a parent, or it doesn't feel right for your kiddo, like, don't do it.  It's like, don't outsource your agency and your,  your knowing because you are the expert in your child.

Like, you know that child better than anyone else. So just don't let some rando on the internet tell you how you should be parenting that kid. Yeah, like for example I have clients who come to me saying that they're having a hard time getting their babies or even their toddlers to sleep at night.

And then, of course, they would see a sleep training course or somebody saying cry it out. And then their babies are already crying for four and five hours and not stopping. And they're really, really struggling and nobody's getting any sleep. So maybe if that is happening already. Then it's time to consider other strategies.

And a while ago, we were also talking about experts and who is qualified to teach. Now I have a lot of friends who are moms and who also do online teaching related to parenting. And  it doesn't mean that you shouldn't buy a course unless somebody has a degree or any credentials like that. But the thing is I know that They are very transparent about who they are and where they're coming from.

So as long as they don't present it as this is the only way or this is the right way, then, then as Dr. Michelle said, then that is actually ethical marketing.  Yeah, yeah, I really think so. Because like, if you are clear about like, hey, I am basing this on my own kid who is like this and this worked really well for them.

Or if they provide support. So it's something like maybe, maybe something like talking to your mom friend who has a similar problem. So it would be something like that. Yeah, yeah. And looking at it like, You're talking to your mom friend, because you might not agree with everything your mom friend says, but you don't feel compelled or beat yourself up for not doing everything she says.

And actually, even if they claim to be experts. Like, Dr. Michelle, I've seen so many ads that say this is backed by experts. And then I go to their main website and it doesn't say the name of a single expert. Like, for example, I, somebody forwarded to me this ad of an app. That says, teach your child to read in 10 lessons, backed by experts based on science.

And I opened the app, it did not have a single name of an expert. It looks like it was created by AI  and in the videos, the The mouths weren't even matching the sound. So just imagine using an app like that to help a child learn to read or talk. It's so confusing. Oh, yeah. So I think this whole AI thing is going to, wreak havoc, I guess, on parenting courses.

Because it's going, you know, go to YouTube. There are so many videos about how to create your course using AI. So, how is this AI trend going to affect parenting, or I guess the online course and training and information and online learning? Yeah, I would say if it sounds like AI, it is. I mean, I mean, that's the thing.

Like, we think that AI can create a course for us, but it doesn't create a course with nuance. It creates a course that is popularly no knowledge. And sometimes AI hallucinates, that is an actual term, like facts and information, and it makes up sources and experts to back what it's doing. And I think if you're, like, thinking about a course, you want it to be taught by a real person.

And that's when kind of the vetting, like,  Like, does, like, if they're giving you a sample of the course, like, does it make sense? Does it seem like a robot wrote this? Like, there are things that can, like, trigger your awareness. Like, like, I feel like, I think they call it, like, uncanniness. Right? Like, like, like, especially like the videos that use AI models, like there's something that's not quite human.

And when you see that, that should be like a red flag that maybe I shouldn't be taking this course because they're relying on using AI to create the course content. And, For the parents listening to this, I'd also like to point out that it's not just for parenting courses, but even the educational videos that our kids watch.

I've been seeing a lot of top results for educational videos for kids and educational apps that look like they're AI created. Now, it's good if somebody with an education background actually reviewed them, but we never know. So, kids and parents can end up being really stressed out by videos like this.

 And another thing, actually, I'd like to ask you about, Dr. Michelle, how about phrases or buzzwords? Because it's quite often that parents sometimes get stressed and then they ask, what do you think is the best parenting style? What should I do with my parents? Should I do intentional parenting, or gentle parenting, or conscious parenting, or heart centered parenting, and a number of other buzzwords.

Or sometimes they will say, I'm so bad, I'm not being an intentional parent, or I'm not being a mindful parent, but who is to judge anyway whether or not Someone is being an intentional parent. So, are these really scientific terms or are they marketing language? I mean, it depends, right? Because some of them could be like intentional parenting.

Like if it is based off of research, if there are actual research yeah, like systematic research studies. But, but I guess Dr. Michelle, you know that when there is a term or a buzzword, it sounds more attractive. So a lot of these buzzwords, they can sound I guess very scientific, but it is, is it possible to actually just coin a term and then make it a buzzword?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. You know, like, I do messaging, right? Like, you want to be known for something in your business. And I think a lot, especially people who are relying on their own expertise and their own experience and haven't really done deep work into the science of parenting or Whatever it is they are teaching, it's very easy for them to be like, all right, I am creating this new parenting style called heart centered parenting.

And I'm like, all right, but is that actually a thing? Or is that something that you made up based on your experience? Yeah. Well, that's not to say that it's wrong because it was made up, but what I am pointing out here is, I guess what we want to point out is that you don't need to be so stressed about it.

Like, am I doing gentle parenting? Am I doing conscious parenting? Because these are all frameworks that an author or someone came up with. Yeah. Well, and I feel like it's triggering, especially for parents who have perfectionist tendencies, which I'm feeling like your audience probably has that, where they're like, I want to be the best perfect parent in the world.

Oh, I saw an ad like that. I saw an ad on Facebook, get this course, be the perfect parent, which, you know. Yeah, and I think, I think it's realizing that they're, like, all these different parenting styles, and I'm sure, like, and I am not familiar with this area, like, I'm sure there's probably some scientific research on different parenting styles that are out there, but, like, if, like, There's probably something worthwhile in each of them.

And so like you get to pick and choose because it's Like, if you're keeping your kid alive and relatively happy, you are doing a great freaking job, right? Yeah, and that's actually what we're helping parents with. We're helping them discern what is the part that is based on science and what is the part that's marketing.

Or like I think sometimes Parents also get attached to a certain name or a certain protocol. Like sometimes parents come to us saying, Oh, I want so and so protocol for my child or because they saw it on the internet, or there's a special diet that has a really catchy name that promises this outcome.

Like your child is going to behave better and be smarter. And that protocol or diet is marketed so well. And it's hard to convince them that Maybe for your particular child, it's not suitable or it lacks evidence that it works. So there's really something with having a name or having a buzzword that makes it really sticky and makes parents want to invest in it.

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Because it is memorable. And when you see everyone talking about something, right, it It feels like you have to do it. Like I see this a lot in online business is there, as people are like, ah, you know, especially I do messaging and marketing and they're like, well, I have to be on social media to market.

I'm like, do you? And they're like, well, what do you mean? I'm like, there's a lot of other ways to grow your audience where you don't have to be on social media or you can just use it however you want without worrying about growing there and following all of these rules that other people created that have like sucked the joy out of being on social media or sucking the joy out of parenting and realizing like, oh, you know, Oh, I don't have to mark it that way.

Oh, I don't necessarily have to parent that way. Yeah, that's so true. Like, for example, there are some enrichment programs that everybody seems to be enrolling in it. So parents are so worried, like, I have to enroll my child in this because if I don't, then my child is going to miss out. But their child hates it.

They have to fight with their child each time their child needs to do it. And science doesn't even show that It's necessary. So I guess it's like social media, like everybody's on social media, so I have to be there. Everybody is enrolling their child in those classes, so my child has to be there. So, I guess it takes a lot of confidence and Well, and trust in yourself, right?

Like that self trust that like you know your child, you know how they respond to things and that everything's going to be okay, like knowing that, but I feel like a lot of times unethical marketing, undermines It's your, your trust in yourself, your knowing in your child, and that's how things can go like off the rails and create like all of this parent guilt and all of this overwhelm.

Yeah, that's true. I love your podcast, Doop, so I'd like to tell my audience also about that podcast. It's a wonderful podcast that is so interesting to listen to, even if it's not about parenting. If you want to take a break and listen to something enjoyable, Dr. Michelle, And Maggie Patterson, who does the podcast with her, is absolutely amazing.

So could you tell us more about it? Like, what does it mean to be duped on the internet? Because when people think about being duped or falling victim to an internet scam, they think of outright illegal things, like those messages where you're duped into sending money to someone who's pretending to be your friend.

 But, for example, If it's an app that claims to teach your two year old to read in ten lessons, could it also be misleading? Yeah, like, I feel like a lot of the promises that are made in parenting and like, my expertise is more of the online business space where people are promising things like, add six figures of revenue to your business in the next year.

Like, that is the promise. And the fact is Oh, I saw this ad. Double your child's grades in two weeks. So, I don't know how that works. Like, if your child has 75,  your child's grades are gonna be 150. Yeah. Yeah, like, that doesn't even make, make sense. But it's this idea of You are buying something because you are promised a specific result.

On most marketers, especially the unethical variety, are over promising and under delivering. And when that happens, we do have this tendency to blame ourselves. But the fact is, it's like, yeah, you were just duped by this ad. I mean, it's kind of like back in olden times, like snake oil salesmen. It's the same idea and concept.

And there's all these different ways that we end up getting duped. Like right now, I'm working on a podcast episode about parasocial relationships, which are like one sided relationships we have with media personalities that we have with influencers where we feel like, oh, like this person that I have never met.

Like, I know all about their life, and I really think, like, their parenting solution is going to work for me. And you end up buying because you feel like you're friends with them.  And that, and liking is very powerful. So, we talk about, like, issues. That you might not even be thinking about that are influencing you to Buy things that like for our podcast like buy things your business doesn't need but for parents It's like buy things like you don't need and then waste your time money and energy And like putting your kid through something that they don't want to do that.

There's no guarantee of outcome Yeah, that's true. So When faced with a claim like that, let's say an ad or a website that sounds so attractive, what should parents check? Yeah, so first, I would slow down. Like, if you are like, oh my gosh, yes, I want to potty train my kid in a week, be like, yes, but is that actually possible?

Like, that's the first thing. Like, do you actually think  that you can do that based on what you know about your kids. So slowing down, looking at their about section of a sales page or even their website, and are they making the about page all about you and your experience, or are they actually telling you why they are credible to be doing the work that they're doing because so many times these people make the about page about the person reading it and you're left not knowing like Yeah, but how are you, like, what's, like, what's your experience?

Like, where, like, where did you learn this stuff? And if you can't really trace their credibility back into, like, something where you're like, oh, okay, I can see why, then that's a red flag. If they are using any Scarcity. So this, this offer is going away forever. You're never going to get it again. Like watch out for that. 

Well, like look at the testimonials, but realize that most testimonials are results are not typical. So it's good to see that, yes, this works for some people. Those would be the best, yeah, so those would be the best outcomes. Not necessarily the outcomes that majority of people are going to get.  

 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like weight loss. Advertisements. They always have the disclaimer underneath them that, Oh, these, these results are not typical. Like, most people do this, right? And a lot of parenting courses, they don't, they're not regulated like weight loss ads, sadly enough. So, so I think being aware of that and Just taking your time, realizing, like, hey, you can walk away for 24 hours and think about, like, is this the best thing for my parenting?

Is this the best thing for my child? Like, what problem is this actually solving for me? Because yeah, I know they told me I could potty train in a weekend, but is that actually going to happen? So really, it's slowing down and just thinking critically and knowing that you don't have to buy in the moment.

And I guess when it comes to looking at the credentials also, looking out for circular credentials, like I see a lot of something like that. So I'm the one giving this course and what gives me authority to do this course is because I wrote a book about it. And then  why did, why did I write a book about it?

Because I'm an expert on it. Yes, yes. And really, I mean, no, like, I'm a self published author, so no shade to self published authors. Yes, of course. Well, both of us are self published authors. No, but something like, there has to be something beyond simply writing a book about it. So something like, I'm an expert because I wrote a book and have a website, and I'm qualified to write a book and have a website because I'm an expert.

Yeah. So it's just going around and around with no outside  reasons other than that.  Yeah, like, it's different to say, like, I'm an expert because I've been working with children for 25 years in the educational system. Like, oh, okay, that is, like, you know children. Like, I'm gonna give you this.  Or, you know, like, I am an educator, and I really understand, like, learning development, and it's like, oh, okay, so you got trained to be a teacher, and you specialized in early education.

Cool! Like, like, I get that. So there are other ways to look for it, but yeah, like, if it is that snake eating its own tail of, like, I'm an expert because I wrote a book, and that makes me an expert. It's like No, that doesn't. You want to see that they have some kind of outside validation and experience just beyond their own child.

Yeah, and you know, Dr. Michelle, another thing that I like to do when I see ads or sales pages like that, especially for parenting courses, they love to say that this is research based. So I really try to validate it. I try to look for the actual research. Like, I see if there's a research about that program that they're talking about, usually there's none.

Or there's, for example, there are all these programs that claim to make your child a genius, and then they say it's based on research, and then they will cite some research, and they actually follow those links. And then I see that the research is something like, Oh stimulation helps or experience helps brain development.

So it's more general research. So I guess if there's a chance to actually check out the research, then I encourage parents to do that. So that's why in, let's say the discerning parents club or discerning parenting, I really make sure that what I share is based on research. Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely. And I, yeah, because I think like, science fact, research fact, that those are words that get thrown around a lot, but if you're not seeing source citations that you can actually go and Google,  that is. A red flag to me, like, if it is science fact and research fact, because I use a lot of research in the work that I do to inform my own, like, methodologies, and I don't, like, when I'm on a sales call, I'm not citing it, because that seems weird, but if I'm writing, like, a blog post, I will cite sources for that blog post, and if I'm saying, like, oh, this is a research fact idea, There's going to be a link to the study, like, you shouldn't have to work for that, like, it should be there.

Thank you so much. I know this is opening up a whole can of worms, so go check out that podcast. All of these are talked about in detail from testimonials to experts to the different ways that they can bypass our critical thinking. So, is there anything else that you'd like to share? Yeah, I would say, like, if you take one thing away from this podcast is Slow  down.

Realize that these ads are designed to trigger you in some way in order to buy. And it doesn't mean that that program is necessarily bad, but your job is to make the right choice for you and your child about the techniques you want to try or the courses you want to try. So I feel like If you can just take a breath and slow down and walk away and make a purchase decision.

Or sometimes like when you walk away you, you stop thinking about it and that's a good sign too. Like if you're no longer thinking about that ad you saw after 24 hours that you. You probably don't need it.  Yeah, and I guess we want to emphasize to parents also, don't let anything you see in the internet make you feel that you are a bad parent, because your parenting is between you and your child.

And all those others who do internet marketing, who trigger these feelings of guilt in you they're not the ones who are there with your child and for your child. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And that's like the heart of the discerning parent is like you are the expert in your child and  trusting that instead of thinking there is some outside source who's going to give you some quick and fast result, which I know is so attractive, but unfortunately, Unfortunately, that is not how parenting works.

That's so true. So thank you so much, Dr. Michelle, for joining us today. It's always so enjoyable to talk with you and to bounce all of these ideas off. So If this episode has helped you in any way removed some of your guilt shed a light on maybe a decision that you were going to make and I'm sure that listening to this is going to save you hundreds if not thousands of dollars, so be sure to follow the Discerning Parenting podcast, feel free to share it, and and also leave us a review.

So head over also to toolkit. We have a free parenting toolkit on different topics from activities to handling tantrums, helping your child learn how to read, setting a routine. So, it's a toolkit that is going to help you with different aspects of parenting, so it's free. And when you head over to our website, you can also check out the Discerning Parents Club where I help parents remove their guilt and also lighten their mental load by helping them discern what to focus on and what they can let go of.

 📍 So, thank you so much, Michelle, and head over to DOOT. Podcast. Yeah, we are at duped. online, so, and we're in every podcast player, so just put in duped and you will find us. Thank you so much, Michelle. Have a wonderful day. 

​