060 - Preschool Readiness Without The Stress with Candy Chan

Many parents worry when their three-year-olds aren't yet reading or writing, fearing they might be falling behind. Today's podcast episode will address these concerns by exploring early literacy milestones and expectations.

Candy Chan, an Oxford Brain Story Certified educator, a Certified Emotional Intelligence Life Coach, and a Certified Health and Wellness Coach are joining today's conversation. With her wealth of knowledge, Candy sheds light on the intricacies of early childhood literacy, offering valuable insights and practical advice for parents navigating this crucial developmental stage.

Whether you're a concerned parent seeking guidance or simply curious about early childhood education, this episode promises to be both informative and enlightening. Tune in to gain invaluable knowledge and empower your child's literacy development journey.

About our guest:
Candy Chan is an Oxford Brain Story Certified educator, Emotional Intelligence Life Coach, and Health and Wellness Coach. With over 11 years of experience teaching preschool and a background in Children's Ministry, she understands the crucial role of emotional intelligence in child development. Candy's journey, from Stanford alum with patents to founding Hoppity Learning, is driven by her belief in empowering parents and children alike. Through Hoppity Learning, she aims to nurture strong parent-child connections and equip families with emotional intelligence skills for a brighter future.

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Transcript

 Most importantly, I think that is the part that we want to build a self esteem for the children. The children, once they got light up, oh, I can read, then they will be very self motivated to read. So we are not forcing them to read, but we create the joy of reading.

 Are there days you feel you've had it with the sleepless nights, the temper tantrums, the constant fatigue of trying to keep up with an active baby? Does it feel like you're always working so hard as a parent, trying to do everything for your kids and family, and yet it never feels enough? We get it. You love your child more than anything, and yet parenting is also exhausting and challenging.

Especially when you're bombarded with criticism and pressure to be the perfect parent. Which, spoiler alert, does not exist. That's why we created Discerning Parenting, the podcast that helps you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters in your parenting journey. This podcast is jam packed with valuable insights and practical tips specifically tailored for parents of kids age 5 and below.

So join us and discover how you can use the combined power of science, knowing your child, and your own intuition in making the best parenting decisions for you and your family.  

A lot of parents have been asking me questions like my three year old doesn't know how to read yet or the teacher told me that my three year old is delayed because she cannot read and write.  So this is one of the biggest concerns that we hear from parents today. And I often talk about reading and what are the expected milestones.

But today we have the privilege of hearing from someone who actually has wide experience in the education field in different settings. So let's welcome Candy Chan.  Hi. Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Victoria. It's my honor to be on your podcast today to share with the parents. 

So it's an honor to have Miss Candy with us today. Could you tell us more about yourself and your background? What I love about Miss Candy is her unique background spanning across Different places across the world, which is especially relevant because we have moms listening to us from different parts of the world.

And sometimes when we talk about, oh, these are the educational milestones, they would think, well, but that doesn't apply to my country. So what we're going to talk about here would be what we have seen to work across cultures in the development and learning of kids.  So could you tell us more about your work and how you came to be in it? 

Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Victoria. It's a great opportunity to share with your audience today. So my name is Candy.  I was born in Hong Kong, and then I was when I was about 17, I went to Canada to pursue my study, my high school year and also my undergrad as an engineer. And then later on after graduation, I went to pursue my study and also sunshine at Stanford University.

So so after that, after, and then we, I went into still in the tech field as a research engineer for about three years and got several patents, U. S. patents. I, I decided to go into children's world. One of the reasons was I used to serve at church and also different settings to serve the younger children.

I figured out there are many skills that can be learned and taught at a young age. For example, I came across a PhD at Stanford. They may be having issues same as like a fifth graders, friendship issues, different social issues.  On the more difficult side, I also got to know some one child. She happened to be having a hard time during high school year.

I got to met her when she was young. She was about four year old. I got a chance to teach her. At the same time when she became a high schooler, there was, there were just too many difficult times that happened to attempt suicide. Thank God, like she was rescued and so she's still alive and having a joyful life nowadays.

So this is something awakened me. Many things should be taught and learned as young as like a three year old, young age. So I changed my field into early childhood to teach children. I've been a preschool teacher for about 12 years already. I learned from teachers, award winning teachers who've been serving children for 50 years, 30 years, 50 years before I come into the field.

And I learned from mentors from Stanford and different prestigious preschool. So I'm happy in the field and recently I also, during the pandemic, we started a parent child coaching for pre K to sixth graders to also equip them with the emotional intelligence skills so that they can openly share all the difficult times with their parents.

And also manage the emotions well, have the good self esteem, be assertive, know how to problem solve, and have a very positive impact on themselves and people around them. Wow, Miss Candy, that is so amazing  spanning cultures.  So it's like you bring together the wisdom from many different fields and you bring it to early childhood education and helping parents and kids.

And I know we're all excited to listen to you. So  Based on your experience as an educator, what do you think kids need to develop during their preschool years? Because I know that this is a huge concern for parents. Like my child is about to start school. I want my child to do well. I want my child to be okay there in school.

So what are the things that I need to do so that my child will be ready for school?  Very important question. So we all want our children to have a successful school year, right? At a young age, how to prepare them? What do they need to equip with when they're at a preschool age? So when they go into preschool, we know that parents can teach many things, all the academics can be taught at home, right?

But all the social skills, would be the most important part to learn at a preschool. They should learn how to join another friend to play,  saying, can I join you? Can I play with you?  And how to answer if the other friend said no or not to react at all. Those are things that we take for granted that they need to have those.

skills or we expect them to have those skills already and then when they don't know how to handle it, we may scold them or we start to get worried. But the thing is, these are not necessarily things that they handle automatically, but they would need practice and experience with that.  I'm totally correct, Dr.

Victoria, because of this they haven't learned the skills yet. They may not even have a positive experience. So what we as a preschool teacher do is we teach them the scripts. This is something I learned from a 15 year  a teacher, award winning teacher, Jewish teacher. She, she has lots of experiences in it and I learned from her.

So we teach them the script. So what We'll say we bring a child. Okay, you can say, can I play with you? And then if another person said yes, then you say thank you. Okay? And then if the person say no, what do you think you can do? So we teach a problem solving skills too. The child can think of, maybe I can go and play by myself, may can, maybe I can ask another friend.

So there are many options. We want the children to feel that they are in control. in the situation. They are not the victim and they have their own choice too. What happens if your friend asks you to play with them and you don't want to? How would you answer? I would let them say, you can say, after I am done. 

Okay. You can still keep playing what you would like to play and other friends can wait. Yeah. So we teach them those scripts. Like ask, like, can I join you? Can I play with you?  After I'm done, I can play with you.  And then also invite other friend too. I asked them not to just focus on yourself. There is another child standing there watching you.

You can ask them, do you want to play together? So to include other people. So I'm really glad like every day we teach a script, children can pick up really fast. So when they watch. They have a positive experience. The other person react positively, say yes. Okay, they feel the joy too. And then the next time they know how to do it.

So whenever I spot them doing it by themselves, I praise that too. I say, wow, thank you for including another person. Wow. Thank you for also playing with another person. Wow, thank you. Yeah, you do not need to share your toy now. You are playing, but you can share after you're done. And remember to bring it to your friend after you're done.

So we teach all of those skills. We let them practice and we also let them by themselves get the positive experience. And also they teach other people too.  Oh, that is wonderful. And I was just getting goosebumps listening to how you help young kids doing that because it is so much needed, especially now that the kids who are in preschool were actually the ones born during the pandemic.

 So have you seen any changes or effects of how kids were coming out of the pandemic and entering preschool?   It's a huge difference. I'm sure all the educators, like the preschool teachers, and also Teachers in the kindergarten and first grade classrooms too, they've been seeing children being affected a lot. 

When they came, first of all, they would be very anxious.  So when they first come into the environment, they don't feel safe because they were used to be at home for a long time or being told not to touch this, not to touch that, not to get too close to another person for a long time. So they don't feel comfortable.

And now they need to leave the parents. Before we know it, before the pandemic, they already got the separation anxiety. Now it's also social anxiety, right? To, to be different, to be in a different place, to be with different people. Yeah. So first difference will be the anxiety part. A lot, almost all the children we see, boys and girls they are More kind of, we use, they call themselves shy, so probably it's anxious.

And also they also take a longer time to adjust as well. They cry more often they used to be. If at the age of three, they entered preschool, usually they won't cry anymore. Only younger than three. When they are three, they come, they feel more comfortable, but right now, even three or three and a half, they will cry a bit.

Usually we take six at most on average, six weeks to adjust, but it's getting better and better. Last few years was yeah, it's not easy. They were the children. Yeah. Yeah, we've been talking with teachers and a lot of teaching is not actually teaching, but really helping calm fears and anxieties and tackling behavior and mental health issues.

Oh, yeah. It's not easy. Yeah. And I have seen children, even their potty training time has a delay as well. So you probably know it, like, so for boys, it used to be maybe three and a half. Now we have, we have been seeing boys like take a longer time, could be as long as like four year old. So just like, because it's a stressful moment for them as well.

Another layer of stress. So we just let parents take it easy. They encountered a pandemic already. This is another level of stress, like you too, for parents as well. So take it easy. And once we don't feel that it's a big deal, we let them take the time. They, they, they just get ready by the time they feel ready.

They just will let you know, I can wear underpants now. I can go to the party by myself now. Yeah, that's true. So we should give our kids grace and time. And also us as parents, we also need to give ourselves the grace and not be pressured into comparing what other kids are able to do or not able to do.

But of course, we always say that if parents are worried about their child's learning, development, or behavior, that this is something that they can bring up. If there's the school guidance system for possible referrals, or they can also speak about this with their pediatrician or healthcare provider.

 So we always tell parents to balance because sometimes there's this, what we call milestone anxiety, like they always say that, Oh, this other child is already reading at age three, so my child isn't. And we noticed that this milestone anxiety usually happens in academics when it comes to reading.

And then there's some, sometimes there's also this false complacency especially when it comes to interactive communication or social skills. So for example, if a child is already reading at age three, but they're having a hard time, let's say approaching another child and saying, hi, can I play? It can be missed out because everybody is so focused on the academic skills.

So have you also seen this huge focus on academic skills? Over here, I feel that preschool can become overly focused on academics. Have you been seeing this trend also? And how is this affecting kids? Yes I agree. I remember  when I first started the preschool, because I was from Stanford, of course, like some parents, I understand if I'm a parent too, coming to a teacher who went to Stanford, I hope my child would go to Stanford.

So I, if it got asked, like, how can I prepare my one year old or two year old for Stanford? But at the same time, yeah, I can help. I love. helping children with academics because this is something preschool can help them. There's a theory called some of our proximal learning through scaffolding. So it means that with some nurturing guidance, you can actually guide your child to learn a little bit more than the age level, but not.

too much, not too stressful. So I understand like three year old, you can teach them to read even two. Some two year old, they may be able to read two because this is just phonics, it may be sound to them. So one thing is for reading, we were talking about reading, one thing I think parents need to be aware of, some children when they learn how to read very early,  It may not be very good for the children because once they learn how to read, they may not know what they are reading at all.

They cannot comprehend. And then when they get older, they can read the whole message and, and then whole paragraph.  They do not know what, what is it about? What did they read about? What was the story? Because reading isn't just about decoding. Decoding means sounding out the words, but reading is actually about comprehension, getting the big picture.

And it's true that something that we see kids struggling with being able to read the individual words, but not understanding the entire gist of what they're reading about. All right, so we don't want to push that too hard, like they can learn the sound. So it's good if for parents they want to read. 

For me, I do teach three year olds to read too, usually with the three letter words. We teach with phonics first. There are many available materials online, different companies share those information. So here, people may use suffonics, so different phonics, and then three letter words, and then just remember to ask them, like, after they read the sentence, and you should ask, like, what was it about?

Then the child will learn both the sounding of the word and also comprehension. And most,  most importantly, I think that is the part that we want to build a self esteem for the children. The children, once they got light up, Oh, I can read, then they will be very self motivated to read. So we are not forcing them to read, but we create the joy of reading.

 So just exactly, that's what we want them to develop the joy of reading and that belief that. They can do it. So they have those foundational skills in place. So they enjoy reading and enjoy learning  Correct. Yeah, then they I think most importantly we want don't want to stop them, right? We may compare I understand it's very easy because another child may do if If it's math, some children may be able to do multiplication already,  like four year old, right?

Or four digit subtraction, addition. Some children may still be learning one, two, three, right? But every child is different. That's okay, yes, that's okay.  It doesn't mean that the child who doesn't do multiplication at first grade is going to do any worse than a child who already knows how to multiply at that age.

Totally agree with you, Dr. Victoria.  Yes, because a child's developmental pace is different, their interests can be different, their talents can be different, all can be changed too. We just nurture their own interests. I think it's a great age to let the child just to have free time to explore what they like  if they want to do math. 

I have some children who like to come every day to do the workbook, do the math, and then do the writing. They ask for it, then it's good. We are not forcing them. Some children may want to do puzzle, and I think the most important part too, like playing. I think playing. We don't want to stress on academics.

Academics can be integrated in play. We call it purposeful play, and it's a big thing here too,  because for playing, there is actually a study by the NASA  a scientist. And he is, he conduct, he actually prepared a test for hiring NASA engineer. So he gave the same test to the five year old children.

And interestingly, 98. percent of them got correct. So five years old, their curiosity level and creativity level can be as high as NASA engineer. But later on, when they get older, same group of children, it keep dropping, drop to 12 percent or even lower. Why? Because once they step into a more systematic system  that was in a long time ago.

It was like sixties. So many things have changed. Like our school system is more interactive now, but in the olden days, like when Children, they, they became really structure. They do not have enough play time. then it will actually lower their creativity. So play is so important. When they play, they can do problem solving.

Puzzle is problem solving. When they play like Tangram, that is math. They they do the problems.  We like doing Singapore math here as well. So Singapore math, like different stories. Yeah. Then. Those are play time too. You got five cookies.  And then mom said you can eat two. Okay, so how many cookies left?

That's like a story. And then you learn math. So play time I think is most important. You play Ross motor skill, fine motor skill,  reading, math, yeah, different areas. Social, you play then you need to take turns, right? So social skills, self control, many benefits in it. Wow, that's wonderful. So play is really important and also for social and emotional skills when they play with other kids.

That's how they learn to navigate social interactions. That's a safe space for them also to learn their emotional regulation skills. Yeah.  So, what things that you wish parents knew? Like if you were a teacher or as an educator, what are things that you would like to tell parents? I would tell the parents, I think most important part  there's a quote, I I love to, I put it actually on my, on the sign for my email, on the sign, yes, I love that. I saw that, when I saw that line in your email signature, I said, wow, I totally agree with that. Yes, because let me read it so it is from Jack Dr. Jack Shalkoff, so he's the founding director of Harvard University, University Center on the Developing Child. So he said, healthy brain development in babies and young children requires the consistent availability of a stable,  responsible, and supportive relationship with at least one parent or primary caregiver. 

So I wish all the parents know that okay, first thing is every child, if there's one person, sometimes you feel your spouse may not be on the same page. Sometimes you may feel the pressure from the in laws. Sometimes maybe from your parents. Sometimes you feel that you may not do good enough or may not have enough time.

All you need to do, okay, only one person have the awareness to provide a stable time. Stable means Every day and consistent. Every day you can be the one to provide care for your child. It does not need to be long, but every day you have maybe five minutes with your child. That was wonderful. And then responsive.

Whenever the child needs your help or cries, just go and comfort them. Go and also talk to them. And also you, sometimes we are busy too. You can just say, Mom is busy right now. Can I talk to you in a moment? That is responsive already. You don't need to like, ah, my child takes up all my time and I need to be with them right, right at the time they ask for it.

We don't, but we need to respond to them and then supportive. supportive, encouraging. I've, I actually interviewed my mom too. I think if conclude everything into one word, it's support. Give your child support from young age to teenager to adult to the entire life. All they need is support. They cannot find it elsewhere, but they can find it from their parents.

And they will come to the parents when they need help and talk and discuss the issues together and find solutions together. I think that's the most important part.  Yes, so it's really a partnership between the teachers and the parents. And the parents play a huge and very important role in building the child's brain and in influencing the child's learning.

And I love that you pointed out the importance of being responsive because I know a lot of parents are worried that if they respond to a child when a child is crying that they're going to spoil the child, or since the child is now going to school, they have to teach a child to be more independent.

So they're worried about responding too much. So I love it that we hear it from an educator that. When we respond in this way, we are actually building their resilience and their brain development and equipping them also for the social and emotional challenges that they're going to be seeing in school.

Yes, I agree. Because when they're at school, parents are not around. So I think at a young age, before going to kindergarten, parents need to prepare for that. And the most important part is the social skills, emotional skills. How to manage the anger, anxiety, disappointment when other people don't play with you, toys got broken, and also have the self esteem as well, like raise your hand to ask question, speak a bit louder, there are 20 something people in the same class, teacher cannot hear from you if people are a bit noisy, right?

Speak louder, maybe someone just did not hear from you, you can speak again, be assertive, and problem solve, like Because the teacher, there's only one teacher there, try to solve the problem. At the same time, if the problem is a big problem involve like danger and safety, find an adult and always talk to your mom and dad, right?

Ask them like anything you've seen at home, talk to them. So this is something we teach children. We also have the parent child coaching service that we teach those skills, how to express the feeling. I feel sad today because I feel happy today because someone play with me. So we want the children to have the self awareness of their feelings so that they can manage it.

Because if they don't know they're angry, they can't manage anger at all.  Yeah. Wonderful.  You brought it up. And we were also talking about supporting kids. This is a common question that comes up.  How do I balance being supportive with  letting my child handle their own challenges, especially your brought up challenges like a child not wanting to play with them?

Because I have seen parents who get really agitated when they hear, Oh, there's this child who doesn't want to play with my child. And then they want to intervene and they want to talk to the parents of the child. How come your child doesn't want to play with my child? They have to play. So, how would parents balance being supportive and also allowing their child age appropriate autonomy when it comes to situations like that? 

Thank you. Great question. It's a very common scenario, right? And then as a parent, we got anxious. Okay, we also feel that, oh, my child is feeling hurt and bitter,  bothered or sad. So how can we support it? I think it's good starting from that point. Like, I think those are great parents who want to help.

Great. Because they want to support. The thing is how to support. So support means that we give them the opportunity to learn. We don't want to take away the opportunity. That's a huge opportunity. So for parents, it's not easy, but we can change your mindset a little bit. Okay, this is an opportunity for my child to experience. 

Rejection. Okay. Because they will be rejected in the future too. How do they react? I can't be there to fix it for them all the time. All right. So change it to a mindset. Okay. It's a learning opportunity. Now, first thing, the child with learning face rejection. So they, first thing, they can teach a child first, instead of thinking about how to control other people.

We can, we always tell the children too, we can't control other people. Okay. But we can control ourselves. So, let's start from ourselves. Let's take a scan, okay? I feel angry now, because another child does not want to play with me. I feel disappointed. That's my best friend, and my best friend is playing with another friend.

Okay, so, we help the child navigate the feeling first. Once they they know their feeling, they feel calmer. They feel calmer. Even three or four, we do it with the three or four too. They feel calm, not getting mad. Actually, parents also need to calm down first.  Sometimes it's like, we are anxious. We love our child so much.

We got angry at you.  So parents can also get a scan on themselves. Okay, I feel angry now because my child was being mistreated. I feel sad because my friends are supposed to talk to the child to come to play with my child, but my friend didn't do anything.  Okay, so they can calm themselves down, know their own, aware of their own emotion.

And then once the parents come, once the child has come, it's great. to lead the child, because the child may not know how to do it. Okay, so talk to the child. Hmm, did you try to talk to your friend? Can I play with you? Maybe the child did not. Most of the time we ask, the child come to the school in the school setting, a child will say, and the other person does not want to play with me.

I said, did you ask? No? Okay, then go back to ask, okay? So first, go and ask. This is something I always need to, as a preschool teacher, every day, this morning too. I just got two children. What to do if we want to play with another person?  Ask. Okay, so ask, okay? Give the skill, give the child the skill. So they After they are calm, be aware of their emotion, teach them a skill, they need to ask first.

Okay, maybe a child, my child asked already, still rejected, what should we do? Okay, then you can ask, can I play with you later? You know, sometimes actually at the preschool age, most of the children are fine. They usually say, yes, I'll play with you later. They just at that moment, they're playing with other things or playing with another friend.

Okay, we teach the children too. Okay, what if they say no to you? I don't want to play later. What do you think you can do? Now it's a problem solving. You can ask your child. What do you think we can do? Huh? If you ask already and the friend said no, or even later. Your friend said no. What do you think we can do?

Now it's problem solving. Ask the child. The child can start thinking. Maybe I can play by myself. It's okay to be myself too. There's nothing wrong, right? Solitude. It's a good thing. We can't be with friends all the time. We'll be too busy. All right. And also maybe I can play with another toy. Maybe find another friend.

There are many solutions. So once again, we want to help the child to feel being in control. They, they, they are controlling. the situation. They are not victim. We don't want a child feel victim and then later on they become a bully because they want to get their rights. They, once they feel things are under their control, it's their decision to play with other people or by themselves or find another friend, they feel okay, I'm fine now.

So chat again, like, are you feeling okay now? Yes. Then they got a successful experience. Then next time they will know what to do. So it's a great opportunity against the parents. It's a great opportunity because you observe the whole situation and then you can guide your child what to do. And then your child got a positive past experience so that next time at school someone rejected my son or my daughter, he or she knows what to do next time.

They can just find another friend, they can just play by themself, they can just wait, they don't need to feel sad or mad the entire day. Yeah, so it's a perfect opportunity, but for us, we need to adjust the expectation and our emotion first.   Wow, that's wonderful, Candy, and you really addressed the different aspects and took on a holistic perspective of  How to help a child through the situation and even turn it into a positive experience.

That's amazing. So I guess the parents listening to this episode are getting a taste of what it is like to experience your coaching. So if they want to learn more or work with you, where can they go?  Thank you. Yeah, so our website is HOPPITYlearning. com. So HOPPITY is H O P P I T Y, and then Learning, L E A R N I N G.

So go to our website. We also have two Facebook one Facebook group and one Facebook page. So join our group. We have different resources over there. We also provide workshops, parenting workshops, so it can be through Zoom. So parents that If interested, they can email me. If they have a group of parents, I'm happy to arrange some,  have some arrangement with them too, so that parents can learn different skills, and also they can sign up for our Parent Child Coaching.

So we have different, 16 different monthly topics, talk about feelings, talk about empathy, talk about anger, anxiety, and disappointment management, talk about friendship. How to find good friends. Okay, you don't need to fit in. If that's not a good friend, you don't need to make friends with that one. Many children, right, they want to be liked and want, don't want to lose friends.

So that's why another person may not include them. They still keep on sticking to those friends. So we teach children, find a good fit. not, not, not to just fit in. We also teach children assertiveness, problem solving, and collaboration with other people. Even your friend is not working on the same project, what can you do?

How to motivate a friend, okay? And also, yeah, other skill time management, yeah, even for older kids too. So we serve preschoolers to sixth graders. Those are excellent, excellent programs, and I know that a lot of parents struggle with this, especially for older kids, when their kids seem to be reliant on a parent or a tutor in order to complete assignments, and then we say that the answer is not more tutoring, but we have to teach them the organizational skills skills and the skills for dealing homework.

So it's wonderful that you are teaching kids how to do that. And I also love how you're coaching, not just the kids, but also the parents, because it's not just teaching the skills to the kids, but it's also equipping parents and empowering them to provide a supportive environment. Yes, that's our goal.

We see that children can thrive well. And, and as you know, Dr. Victoria, it's good for the brain development, right? Parents are the one who can build healthy brains in their children. So it's powerful. So once parents are on the same page and also once a child feels that, okay, mom is also a student here.

Okay. Oh, yes. It also gives them the motivation. So yeah, they're more motivated. So sometimes we have children talk to us, very interesting,  say, Mom, I need to learn anger management. And then, Mom, you need to learn anxiety management,  something like that. So it's, yeah, they, they would exchange ideas. So this is something we like, they can joke about it, they can laugh, and we, we have children sharing their secrets too, that they have never shared with their parents before. 

Almost all the children, most of them, they share something that haven't have a time or a chance or remember. Usually there are some difficult moments. So once they share, the parents are around, then they talk about it, how to solve it together. Using the skills, we talk about how to make good friends.

I mean, maybe this friend is not very good. Then we, our assignment, maybe find some good friends and then share with your parents, what are their good qualities, something like that. That's our curriculums. Wonderful. So we'll share the link to can site on the show notes. So check out also the show notes.

Wherever you're listening to the podcast, you'll find the link to can site as well as to our site discerning parenting com, where you can also sign up for a free parenting tool on topics such as helping your child get started with reading and handling tantrums. So, Dr. Kennedy, so many. Pearls of wisdom that we've had all throughout this episode, and I know I can imagine a parent listening to this would be so delighted because as a parent, I am picking up so much value from everything that you said.

So any last words for parents? Thank you. Yes.  Again, yeah. Remember the word supports because we talk about brain. So this is your expertise. Thank you, Dr.

Victoria. So We know brain won't be mature till around age 25. So they still, they're, they're still learning. They may make lots of mistakes that we think, okay, so unwise, the lack of planning, lack of judgment, still very emotional.  How come I told them already 20 times, they're still not listening. They still can't do it.

Yes, correct. So there are many times that we're just like,  A lot of testing moment. Test our battery. Test our patience. So for us, I think continue to be supportive. We know that they are not mature. Maybe they're actually maybe last word would be that's a test. I actually heard from one of your episodes.

I'm a fan of your podcast. Oh, thank you. One of your episodes, the other speaker also mentioned the HALT test. H A L T And she added the S,  which is true. So for any, whenever there's any disagreement, when we feel okay, I can't support my child anymore. I can't be gentle to him anymore, take a deep breath, remind yourself, the brain is not fully mature to age 25.

All right. So they're, they are lacking those skills. That's why we need to teach them and check yourself at the age, hungry. Are they A. Angry, are they L. Lonely, are they Tired, or the other speaker also mentioned S. Stressed. So, check those four or five moments, H A L T S, check yourself, check your child.

Maybe, usually night time is not a good time to talk, okay? Lots of lots of disagreements, lots of fights, crying. Tantrums. Because the child and you, both of you are tired. Both of you, especially child, feel lonely because they cannot sleep with parents. Okay. And then when we, and then if we play a game at night, so don't play board game at night or too late.

Okay. They lost the game. They feel angry.  Okay. So. And so yeah, so they got all four or five for all children at night time, or after a meal, they, they finish a dinner early already, a bit hungry too. So H A L T S, all got it, it's the time they got very vulnerable, very vulnerable and can.  get into fights with us very easily.

So for us, we know that, okay, that's the time that may be the trigger. So calm yourself down, bring is not fully mature. And then they are still learning. I'm the teacher. I'm the teacher. Every parent is a teacher. I'm the one to guide them how to handle this moment with the skills they learn, how to manage your emotion.

When, how to problem solve is not the time. The problem solving at this moment is go to sleep. We are tired. Yes.  Yeah, so I think last word, it will be continue to be supportive. So how to be supportive, make sure for us parents, how to calm ourself down, learn those trigger the H A L T S. I think that would be very helpful. 

📍 Thank you, Candy. We all learned so much from you and it is very inspiring to listen to you and I hope to invite you back again. So for all our listeners be sure to follow the Discerning Parenting Podcast.  Head over also to discerning parenting.com/toolkit and sign up for our free parenting toolkit so you don't miss any of the tips and parenting inspiration and updates.

So thank you so much. Bye-Bye. Thank you. Thank