Unlearning Hustle, Regulating Nerves, And Choosing Who You Become - Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty

We reflect on a year of unlearning stress, finding a steadier pace, and returning to the book that sparked our show. Reframing failure as feedback, feeding the right wolf, and practicing real gratitude reshape how we work, rest, and respond.

• letting go of rigid timelines and listening to the body
• reframing failure into feedback for bolder action
• regulating the nervous system after hustle culture
• choosing responses over reactions with the two wolves
• gratitude as practice, not buzzword, without toxic positivity
• blending science and mindfulness to calm the monkey mind
• favorite reads of 2024 across mindset, YA, and essays
• binge-worthy TV and thriller recommendations
• next month’s pick: Soyangri Book Kitchen by Kim G. High

Author - @jayshetty

Music by - Asher Ahmahd
Edited by - Donnie Moore  @dddonniemooreee

Reach out
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Transcript

New Year Catch-up And Life Updates

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Hello, I'm Matthew.

SPEAKER_00 0:01

I'm Maria.

SPEAKER_04 0:02

And this is brilliant people. All right. Hey, Nudia. How are you?

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Hey, Asher. I am doing better. I started my new year off. First of all, happy new year, everybody.

SPEAKER_04 0:33

Happy January.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Yes. We'll talk about that. Um, but I started 2026 off with a little bit of a cold that I'm still recovering from. So if you guys hear a little congestion, that's what it is.

SPEAKER_04 0:49

Now, what did I tell y'all? She's always coming over here with some sort of sniffle.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Always. Fortunately, this time, yes.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

Yeah, well.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

But feeling better and thank gosh, because I leave for Guyana in a couple of days. So I need to be good.

SPEAKER_04 1:08

Back to the homeland.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

I am excited, nervous, but excited, and I can't wait to come back and tell you guys all about it.

SPEAKER_04 1:16

I can't wait to hear it.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

I know. How are you?

SPEAKER_04 1:18

I want pictures. Oh, yeah. I want to do it. Pictures, videos. It's all happening. Okay, thank you. Yeah. Um, I am good.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Good.

SPEAKER_04 1:28

Yeah. Um, I, you know, I took off uh teaching for the month of December. And while I did not get all of the things on my checklist done, I realized kind of halfway through that it really wasn't about the checklist, and I needed like a break. A break.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Yeah. We need time for you.

SPEAKER_04 1:52

Yeah. And you know, like starting out, I was a little nervous because I was like, man, it's been a while. I don't know. We'll see. But this week's been great.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 2:00

I mean, I'm sleeping a lot, but like this week has been great.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Good.

SPEAKER_04 2:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Well, good. What have you been doing for yourself recently?

SPEAKER_04 2:12

Good question. Um, so working on a little project. Um, and actually, I would say the month of December, this is what I taking off of teaching was the thing that I did for myself, right? Um, and it allowed me to work on things that I wanted to work on, um, things that have been in my head that I just want to get out of my head, um, and truly just kind of take my own time.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:40

Which is a whole different ball game than just taking time.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Right.

SPEAKER_04 2:46

So, like, it felt good, and I just, if there's any rich benefactor out there, I'd love to continue this lifestyle.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Oh my god. It sounds pretty nice.

SPEAKER_04 2:58

Um, yeah, it was pretty good. Um, so working on this project, one of the things that I was doing uh during December, um, it's gonna be really cool, I think, and it will be available for everybody to check out. Um, but I did put a like a timeline of I wanted to get it up by January. And now I'm realizing like, you know what? No, I just wanna keep working on it until it's it's right. Because I look at all these people, they work on these projects for years.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:31

You know, before they post anything, you know, put anything out. And if this is the beginning of that for me, that's okay. But like, I'm gonna keep working on it.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

I love that.

SPEAKER_04 3:41

So yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Yeah, good. Uh, what about you? All at your own pace.

SPEAKER_04 3:44

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

I have been sleeping a lot since getting sick, and I've been leaning into it because it's also just so cold here and coming back from Florida and it's just being so cold. Um, I've been giving myself a break with not trying to push myself back to the gym. Like, I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm ready, and I'm like, okay, this was good. I waited and listened for my body to tell me, like, we could probably go.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

I woke up earlier today than I've woken up in a long time, and I felt good and ready. And I was like, okay, I didn't do it today, but I'm going to be doing it. Okay, but you thought about it. I didn't think about it, but I will be doing it tomorrow.

SPEAKER_04 4:28

Step one and step one, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Yeah. I didn't expect to wake up that early because I have not woken up that early in like probably three weeks.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

How early was it?

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Not even early, honestly. It was like 8 30.

SPEAKER_04 4:40

8 30. Oh, not you live in the good line.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

I know.

SPEAKER_04 4:46

Excuse me.

Rest, Pace, And Letting Go Of Timelines

SPEAKER_00 4:47

When I worked at my old job, I was up by 7 30. So, like, this is late, but it is not late for my new job. And it was still later than I was getting up because I was trying to make sure I had gym time and I wasn't stressed about it and like could come back and take a shower and have breakfast before signing on. Um, but like going home messed up my whole flow with time, and then getting sick messed it up too. And I was just kind of like, okay, we're inching our way back to what time we used to get up. Because I used to get up at 7:30 to go to the gym first.

SPEAKER_04 5:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

So, like, we're getting there again.

SPEAKER_04 5:25

But you know what?

SPEAKER_00 5:26

We're just like listening to my body.

SPEAKER_04 5:28

Let's take a quick pause to talk about like the shift.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 5:32

I mean, you might want to get to that later, but that's okay. But like uh you just like waking up whenever you feel like you know, like whenever's okay for you. And like, I mean, this new job has been a big shift for you.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

It has been such a big shift in the best way, and it's been so interesting to see all of the things that I have to unlearn. We were talking a little bit about I had a little bit of anxiety about work on Monday, as everybody did coming back after the holidays, but like I was never really off, so it's not like I was coming back, but just back to like a normal full week, and I had such a great conversation with my new manager, like it just really reminded me I'm not in the same place that I was, and I need to deregul like regulate my nervous system because I was operating at a high stress place for so long that I no longer remember what it's like to like not feel like that, which is I'm so grateful for. Yeah, but like I I need to work on it because I'm stressing myself out for no reason.

SPEAKER_04 6:41

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

I know yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:46

I think that is a great segue.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 6:49

Um, it's just interesting to. I don't know about you, but when I listened to us talk, I uh and I'll go into it a little bit more. Um actually, no, we can do it right now.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:02

Um, so we chose the book Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty. By Jay Shetty. This is actually the book that got us interested in making this podcast in the first place. And I know we've said that before, right? But it was just something that we wanted to do together that we thought was cute, and like we were both, we always had these like um conversations with each other just about how we're feeling and like you know how we're moving through our lives and stuff. And it was nice to like read something because we both were at a place where we're like something gotta change, yeah. Like something has got to change, you know. Um, and I really think this book has catapulted uh catapulted us into like a new version of life.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

I agree. It really was like a pivotal moment reading it and it actually clicking, and that's the part that like we've talked about before, and whenever someone asks me for a self-help book recommendation, think like a monk is always the first thing I suggest if they hadn't read it already. But I tell them, you have to be actually ready because I tried to read it before and it just wasn't sinking in. But then, like you said, you and I got to that place where it's like something has to change. And when I read it at from that perspective, it shifted my whole mindset.

SPEAKER_04 8:27

And you know, like not like not to be like negative at all, but um I've mentioned this book to a couple people, and I've had people talk to me about like you know, Jay Shetty's history and like things like that, and I'm honestly before I'd be like, oh well, I you that's weird, but like, oh, I don't know, I don't feel how I feel about that. But honestly, having those conversations, I was like, I don't care.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

I don't care. This helped me exactly that is what I say too.

Unlearning Hustle At A Healthier Job

SPEAKER_04 8:56

I was like, I it doesn't matter if he was like Joe from down the road, right? Like if that resonated with me and it helped me shift my life in a positive way, right? I don't care what your accolades are. Thank you. Thank you, you know, and it's not to say that I think like you know anything about history. I it's truly I don't care. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Right. That's not the point. The point is his words and his words alone shifted something inside of me, made me a better person, made me a better friend, daughter, sister, like all the things. And I'm grateful for that.

SPEAKER_04 9:36

Yeah. Like truly. I like end of story. I think that I've always been like a thoughtful person. You know, I mean, granted, even the most thoughtful of people do like thoughtless things sometimes. You're not perfect. So, like, I'm not yeah, I'm not gonna sit here and say I've been this perfect human being, but I've always been thoughtful.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:58

Excuse me. But I think that it allowed space for me to not only be thoughtful of other people, but to be thoughtful towards myself.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:11

You know what I mean? And like understanding that that might not look very like kind or thoughtful or generous or whatever to somebody else, but if it's between me and somebody else, I'm gonna let you do you, but I gotta do me. Yeah, you know, and if you don't like that, I'm sorry, and I hope we can like get it get back together at the end of this hump, but like I gotta go do this thing, yeah. So it's growth. There's that, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Growth, love Kelly from Insecure. Yes, Asher did the hand dresser she does.

SPEAKER_04 10:46

Um, yeah, so I think we wanted to, you know, this is our fourth year doing this, which we talked about that yesterday, and that's pretty wild.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Crazy.

SPEAKER_04 10:56

Like, we've done it for a full three years.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

That's nuts.

SPEAKER_04 11:00

Um it's something alright, and I'm here for it. Like, it's been fun. Yeah, you know, like again, started as time to like, you know, an opportunity to spend more time together and better ourselves at the same time, yeah. And I think it's it's worked in all regards. Yeah. And you know, like I like us having like this standing appointment, and it hasn't taken away us like spending time outside of that, yeah. Which is really nice. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so we wanted to talk about this book, um, talk about a couple of things that like uh we really connected with and kind of do like a progress report. Yeah, you know?

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Yeah. So the first section is let go. And in this section, something that still resonated with Asher and I was talking about fear and failure and how reframing failure into feedback was like a really useful mind shift for us. It still is. It's still such a powerful thing to do, I think. If you are able to look at anything that you might think is a failure in your life and just say, actually, this was a great lesson. This was a great learning moment for me. I've learned like maybe I don't want the thing that I thought I did. Maybe this house that fell through, like it wasn't for me, or you know, whatever it was. Um that's still a lesson or still a thing that resonates with me. What about you?

Why Think Like A Monk Still Matters

SPEAKER_04 12:44

Um, I would say for me, it helped me to just like go do the thing. Like not be afraid to just try something. Yeah. Um, because I've always been okay. I've always been the person that, like, you know, I am hashtag blessed and I tend to be good at a lot of things. Like, not no, but hear me out.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 13:10

Like, I'm not saying like amazing professional at everything, but like I'm just someone who naturally like I pick things up very quickly, you know? Um, and even in school, like I wouldn't try out for something unless I was sure that I was gonna get it. Oh yeah. And like if the few times that I didn't get it, you know, like sure I was upset, it didn't like ruin my life, but like, you know, I think I was just like a lot more fearless too. And that's how I got a lot of those things because I was like, I'm gonna do it because I know I can. Yeah, you know, and I think as time goes by, like you start to look at the math and you're like, well, you know, like it's not always gonna be that way. So it's coming up soon, a failure's coming, you know. So then you start to get a little more cautious and like nervous to like go outside of your comfort zone, and then your world gets bigger, you know. When you do, right. Well, I'm just mean like as you as you get older, like you know, like I lived in a small town and then I went to college, it got a little bigger, then I moved to a new town, it got super huge because I didn't know anybody and I really had to expand, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

I mean, that's not the story for everyone. That's why I'm saying, like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:28

Um so I just I truly think that like when you talk about reframing failure as feedback, it helps me to take the word failure out.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

Right.

SPEAKER_04 14:42

Because that's like we were saying before, that's a whole point.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:45

Like I'm getting feedback regardless of what happens.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Right. I tried something.

SPEAKER_04 14:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

So um and I think that's that's the thing as well. When you look at it from that perspective where it's not failure, you're like, I tried something. And honestly, I would rather have tried something than not have tried it and wondered about it.

SPEAKER_04 15:06

Yeah, and it's you know, even with like silly everyday things, just allowing yourself to be authentically you anywhere. Yeah. Because that you're not afraid of like what the response is gonna be. Again, that's a moment, like maybe that's not how we always view failure, but like that's a moment of feedback.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:32

Right? Failure to like, I don't know, maybe get someone to see your perspective or to acknowledge your perspective or how you move through space. But at the end of the day, I wake up and I walk out there and I'm like, you get whoever you get today.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:51

And it just the weight that it takes off of your shoulders is out of control, you know? Yeah. Um, and people say, like, oh, the older you get, the less you care. And I'm like, boy, if that ain't gospel.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

Honestly.

SPEAKER_04 16:09

Because let me tell you how much I don't.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

You shed a lot of the expectations as you get older, and that helps.

SPEAKER_04 16:15

Yeah. Cause you start to see, like, oh, that thing really wasn't that big of a deal.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Right.

SPEAKER_04 16:21

Or that important. And it felt like it in the moment, you know, which is why, like, I always say with like, I have so much more patience for children. Because I'm like, yes, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to you.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:36

You are allowed to feel very upset about this.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:39

I promise you it's gonna be okay in the long run.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

Right.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

You know, but like we don't have to have that same mindset. We have the knowledge of experience.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

And the maturity.

SPEAKER_04 16:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:51

And it's like you think about how many times for your job have you had to do something that made you very nervous?

SPEAKER_02 16:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:59

Like I've, you know, had to speak at conferences, I've had to, and I don't like doing any of that. But I do it because it's my job, and I'm actually kind of good at it. You know, but like it was the things for me that I was like most fearful of. Like it's easy to go out there and do something for somebody that's paying you, but like when it's like for you, yeah, you know, there's that deeper attachment, which hello, another topic, attachment, non-attachment, yeah, releasing.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Yeah, you know, and that's the thing, when you release the attachment, your fear goes away too.

SPEAKER_04 17:35

Yeah. And I think it's always important to me to like talk to the nuance about it or the nuance of it, right? This is not saying like I'm no longer afraid of anything.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Right.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

Those emotions still move throughout me, right? I'm just no longer letting it dictate.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Yeah. I'm asking more questions about why am I afraid of this thing.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

And getting and continuing to ask, which is something he says. I think it's like asking why seven times to really drill down as to what the root cause of the fear is.

SPEAKER_04 18:16

Um you know, that's a really good segue to the next thing we're gonna talk about. Um so the next section was grow. And one of the things that we were really looking at was so he talks about the monkey mind. Right?

SPEAKER_00 18:33

Um it's a big topic in this section.

SPEAKER_04 18:36

And yes. And so he tells this story um that a senior monk told him. So I'm just gonna read it, okay? Thank you for tuning in.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Oh no, I did not like that. Okay, okay, all right. Oh, okay.

Failure As Feedback And Fear Reframed

SPEAKER_04 18:55

So I've been watching everybody loves Raymond, and my favorite thing that the mother says is, I don't like that Raymond. It like gets me every time. Okay, back to the point. A senior monk once told me an old Cherokee story about these dilemmas which all of us agonize over. An elder tells his grandson, every choice in life is a battle between two wolves inside of us. One represents anger, envy, greed, fear, lies, insecurity, and ego. The other represents peace, love, compassion, kindness, humility, and positivity. They are competing for supremacy. Which wolf wins? The grandson asks. The one you feed, the elder replies.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

I love this story, and I recently had a scenario where my two wolves were fighting in me. When I was home. For Christmas. I was at a family party and while eating, had this really odd conversation with one of my cousins that sh I think she was a bit inebriated. So the way she was framing it wasn't the best. And kept bringing up like a personal subject for me. And she kept like harping on it and I and not like landing the plane with what her question was. And I could feel myself getting like hot and getting angry because she kept like bringing up this personal, like she just kept saying it over and over, but never like finishing her thought. But then when she restarted her thought, it was about my dad passing away. She would like restart her thought from that point.

SPEAKER_04 20:51

Why are we talking about this right now, girl?

SPEAKER_00 20:53

This is the question. Because I knew there was the second part, but like she just wasn't able to formulate that part of the question.

SPEAKER_04 21:01

Right. I'm gonna need you to skip.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Thank you. So like I could feel myself getting upset, I could feel my body getting hot, and I could feel like me snapping at her on the tip of my tongue, like, land the plane. What is your question?

SPEAKER_04 21:17

Land the plane. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

But then I had a moment where I just stopped, I paused, and I was like, she is struggling. She is going through something, and she's trying to reach out to you for help. Like that is what the basis of where she's coming from with this question. She's not doing it well, but that is the point for her. She is having a hard time and trying to connect with you. So just breathe and be kind. And that's what I did. So I fed that wolf.

SPEAKER_04 21:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Because the first one was trying to get out.

SPEAKER_04 21:55

Let me tell you, there are claw marks on that cage.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

But I listened to the second one who was like, she need she needs support right now. And I just like waited it out.

SPEAKER_04 22:10

Look at that.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

If that ain't growth, I don't know what is.

SPEAKER_04 22:13

If that ain't growth, then I don't know what growth is at all. Right. Right? Um, yeah, I would say like I don't know if we've talked about well, I know we've talked about this before, but I don't know if we've talked about it on here. But like, I was a very angry person for a very long time. Um and let me tell you, that wolf was fat. Okay. Like well fed. When I tell you legs sticking out sideways, like sliding on the belly, fat. Um, and I just like I didn't even think about it. I just like snapped at everything. Like if I was mad, I would like there was no hiding it. You know, and then I think I got a little better, but not completely. So like I would just hold it in, right? And it would just be like uh, ooh, I'm gonna go because I just watched a full-on 4K movie of me beating your ass. So I'm gonna walk away. Yeah, yeah. Like, like I and I used to tell that to people. It's like I just punched you in the face in my head, and like I don't think people understand, like it sounds funny and silly, but I'm like, no, you don't understand. Like, I watched it happen, like I thought it happened, and then I woke up, right? So, like, I should probably go right now, yeah. You know? Um, but that wasn't really feeding the other wolf, right? Like, it was I was still angry. Yeah, the part that you did differently that I really love is you let it go. You said, actually, that's not what this is about.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Right.

SPEAKER_04 24:05

So continue. I'm okay now.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Right.

SPEAKER_04 24:09

You know, it's that nervous system regulation part that I really needed to work on, and that I think, like, in starting this whole process, you know, together, that is something that I've really like gained.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

Right.

SPEAKER_04 24:25

Because now I truly, and to the point where people are like, no, but I want to see your real reac like if you're upset, you're upset. I was like, I can be upset without getting angry.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

Right.

SPEAKER_04 24:37

This is none of this is okay at all.

unknown 24:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

What has occurred here is not okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 24:43

Like, but if you think that you get to make me upset and mess with my mind, that's not happening.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

Good for you.

SPEAKER_04 24:54

You know? Yeah. Like, I'm and that doesn't mean I don't ever get angry. Yeah. But it's very much like, okay, I got a story for you.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:02

Um, apparently, it's well known that any Trader Joe's parking lot is a hellscape. Oh my gosh, they're so bad. The one on Lincoln is particularly awful.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

It really is.

SPEAKER_04 25:15

Like, awful. Like, I I would rather walk 20 minutes than get in a car and park in that parking lot.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

That parking lot is real bad.

SPEAKER_04 25:28

You know? So I was in the parking lot. Um, in my new car. Um, another wonderful December um treat.

SPEAKER_03 25:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 25:41

Um, so I was in the parking lot, and there were two parking spots next to this woman, but like they people don't park very well, right? So somebody was partially in one of the spots. Um, and then the other one was open, and she was trying to get her child's jacket off and get him in the car. And I'm like, girl, you're already struggling. Let me go ahead and wait.

SPEAKER_02 26:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:06

You know, take your time, don't feel rushed, whatever. So I'm just sitting there, and the car behind me goes around me and parks in the spot I was gonna go into. So I was like, Oh, okay, you know? Oh my god. I hate you. Yeah, but sure, there's another spot. I'm letting it go. Then this other car tries to get around me, and I was like, Well, what you all are not gonna do is take all of the parking spots. Yeah. So then, like, I did my little petty spaghetti, like, zoop, shift over to the side a little bit so that they couldn't pass me. Right? And I'm waiting for this woman. I was like, you all can see her trying to get her kid in the car, just relax.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Right.

SPEAKER_04 26:54

You know? Um, so then the person behind me is honking and honky, and then they just lay on their horn and they try to like get like they're almost about to hit my car. And when I tell you my hand went on that door handle, because I was gonna get out.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

Mm-hmm.

Monkey Mind And Feeding The Right Wolf

SPEAKER_04 27:13

And I touched the door handle and I said, Oh, you know what? No, Asher, you gotta, you gotta chill. It ain't that deep. So then I just took my sweet ass time getting in that parking spot.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

Good for you.

SPEAKER_04 27:27

And I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

You know, there's a part of me that really wanted you to get out of the car, not to do anything, but just to physically get out of the car and turn and look at them.

SPEAKER_04 27:39

In a parallel universe, I did.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

Because like, and that's that's it. Just look at them. Because really, when people do that kind of stuff where they're honking for so long, I'm like, what do you think is gonna change now?

SPEAKER_04 27:53

Right. You're just being a public nuisance, and I think the thing that I still like get activated by is it's not just about people being selfish or like whatever, it's about when that actively affects everybody else.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Right.

SPEAKER_04 28:10

You know, I'm like, do whatever you want to do, but stop messing up what we got going on over here.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

Right.

SPEAKER_04 28:16

Everything's fine.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

Also, you will be fine if you wait 30 seconds for this lady to get out of the parking spot and for me to get in.

SPEAKER_04 28:24

Because what old Asher would have done was park that car right in the middle of the street and sat there. And yes, I am that petty on but that wolf is starving now, so we're not doing anything.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

Good for you. That's great.

SPEAKER_04 28:41

Thank you. Oh Lord, Lord have mercy. But it did have me like sweating behind the ears a little bit. I'm not gonna lie to you. You know, it's progress, like we're in progress, and I don't ever want to be a person that gets slapped and says, okay, that's fine. Because it's never gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Right.

SPEAKER_04 29:02

Like you're gonna know that you messed up, but I'm not gonna hold on to it anymore. I'm gonna give it right back to you. Like, here you go. You can take those emotions. I'm not holding it. Yeah, you deal with whatever you got going on, but I shan't be a part of it.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 29:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_04 29:22

Yes. All right. Giving grace.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

Giving grace. Giving gratitude. So um, the last section of Think Like a Monk is give. And for me, the biggest thing that stood out is gratitude. My relationship with gratitude has changed a lot over the past five years. I struggled at first to have a gratitude practice. And I now have a consistent one. I've had one for a few years. It's how I start my morning, and I think that it has changed a lot for me. And not maybe not like a lot that's visible to other people, but I feel like I have found more peace in my own life when I start my morning listing the things that I'm grateful for. So that is something that I do now. But I've also noticed when I can reframe in my mind to come from a pro a place of gratitude versus stress, I notice a shift in my body. So for example, I've got this trip to Guyana coming up, followed within 24 hours of a work trip. The thought of that is very overwhelming to me. I'm stressed out about it. And normally that would just like be getting to me, and I would just like be counting the days until all of it's done, and not really living presently because I'm just like, this is a thing I have to get through. I do not want to do that. This trip to Guyana is a once-in-a-lifetime situation. I want to be present, I want to enjoy every second and every day of it. When I come back, it'll be fine, and then I'll get to go on this work trip and meet some of my coworkers and get a little more industry knowledge. When I was able to stop and pause and just say, these are two fantastic opportunities for you in two different areas of your life, and think about it from a place of gratitude versus being overwhelmed and stressed. I could feel the tension leave my body. I felt my body become more relaxed and at ease, as well as my mind, obviously, when I think about it like that. That's something I picked up from this book. Doing this reframing, doing that perspective shift, coming from a place of I'm so lucky I get to do this, or I'm so grateful I get to do this, versus the other side. It's really, it's really been good for me. I again, I'm in progress. I don't always get there first.

SPEAKER_04 32:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

But it takes me a little bit, and then I'm like, no, you know what? These are two great things. You're so lucky to have them.

SPEAKER_04 32:13

Well, here's the thing. I and that's what I was saying a little bit earlier, is that I don't think any of this work practice, whatever you'd like to call it, is about like being impenetrable, right? Or like never feeling any sort of like emotion that's not super pleasant. It's about really like what do you do with the unpleasant emotions, right? Right? Because like I said, I don't want to be like some positivity robot. And like that term, what is the term? Um, toxic positivity. Like, I think I've heard that term floating around um for a while now, and it's just not realistic. It's right, and then what you find is that something really stupid sets you off.

SPEAKER_02 33:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:14

And then you're like, I don't know why I'm so angry about that. Yes, you do, because you're angry about 10 other things that you didn't resolve.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:22

Right?

SPEAKER_00 33:22

Like, I'll never forget, I was nervous about teaching my first yoga class for my 200-hour training, and I was telling you about it, and instead of being, you know, giving me some toxic positivity platitude, or you know, like pushing past it, you're like, okay, you can be nervous, but that doesn't mean you can't do it.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

Right.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

In the second you said it, I was like, he's right. And it made me feel better. Like that took me down from where I was with my tension and stress a lot. He was like, though he's right, those two things don't go together. Like, just because I'm nervous, that has nothing to do with my abilities.

SPEAKER_04 34:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

And you reminding me of that was super helpful.

SPEAKER_04 34:06

Yay.

SPEAKER_00 34:06

And it wasn't toxic positivity. You're like, yeah, okay, you're nervous, but that doesn't mean you're not gonna do this well.

SPEAKER_04 34:12

I think that is one thing that I've probably had with me for like a majority of my life. Because I'm never one to be like, oh, don't worry about it, everything's gonna be okay. My first response is usually that. It's like, yeah, that does suck, doesn't it? Yeah, but you know what? It's gonna be fine. We'll figure it out. Yeah, you know, or like, yeah, that's like I'm I'm sorry you're going through that. Yeah, it's gonna take a second. It probably you're probably gonna feel like that for a while. Yeah. And that sucks. But I I promise you, there is a time where it's gonna feel better. Yes, and you're just gonna have to work hard to like move through it, you know, and like that's okay. I think it's just sometimes knowing what I love sometimes is that somebody else knows how much it sucks. Yeah, you know, it's like, okay, so I'm not crazy, right? Like this is awful, and it's like, yes, but like it's okay. A lot of awful things happen, right?

SPEAKER_00 35:18

You know, it's not gonna be the end of you.

SPEAKER_04 35:20

It's not, you know. We will make it to another day. Yes, whoever willing, you know?

SPEAKER_00 35:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:26

Um, so I would say gratitude for me is like a complicated word. Um I think that in the last few years at least, I think that it's been used um recklessly.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

Yeah.

Gratitude Without Toxic Positivity

SPEAKER_04 35:55

You know? I think that it's been used as this buzzword to like make you a better person or make you feel happy. And it's like, that's not how it works. Like you need to work towards gratitude. It just doesn't pop up, you know? And if you keep saying, to me, it's like love, the word love, you know, funny enough, that's another Jay Shetty book that we read.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:22

Um but if you're going out throwing I love you's everywhere all the time, does it really mean the same thing anymore?

SPEAKER_00 36:35

Yeah, I mean, for that, for the person doing it, maybe not.

SPEAKER_04 36:39

You know, and it's like, and I'm not saying like your loved ones only say I love you once a week.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

Right.

SPEAKER_04 36:47

But like what I what I really mean is like sit with it. Do you feel grateful? Why do you feel grateful? What is it that you're grateful for or about?

SPEAKER_01 36:59

Right.

SPEAKER_04 37:00

You know, and instead of just throwing it there as a word of like, I'm happy everything's fine, you know?

SPEAKER_00 37:08

I think that's also from you working in the wellness space. A lot of people lean on the whole gratitude as like a buzzword almost versus like a real practice. Right.

SPEAKER_04 37:21

And then don't be talking about gratitude and then go out to eat and treat the servers like crap.

SPEAKER_01 37:27

Right.

SPEAKER_04 37:28

Like, you know, like, and I'm not saying that I saw that, I just mean like you can't say these things and live your life a different way. Right. I just wish people would embody the word gratitude a little more in a real way. Rather than just say it.

SPEAKER_01 37:41

Yes, right? I agree with that.

SPEAKER_04 37:42

Um, and to me, gratitude is about navigation. You truly have to get there and you have to move through all the murky parts to find it.

SPEAKER_00 37:54

You know, my therapist did bring up to me that he doesn't feel a gratitude practice is real unless you say the bad parts too. And he's tried to encourage me to do that. And I'm like, you know what? I'm not sure that that'll be good for my mental health. The way I do it now is, and I start my day in a good place. I don't think I would feel the same if I started my day listing the bad with the good. Oh and I get what he like, I understand his version. Yeah, it's just not for me, and that's not for everybody.

SPEAKER_04 38:30

To me, I don't think you need to write it down or even speak it out loud. I just think that there needs to be at least an internal acknowledgement.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:41

You know, like uh, so a lot of times when I'm writing stuff for like uh children and families and stuff like that, and you know, social emotional regulation or uh learning and stuff like that, I talk about like I've been talking about how you need to like name your feelings out loud because you're teaching a young human how to navigate feelings, and how are they gonna do that if they don't see any examples? Right, right. So, like, hey, this is really frustrating. I've tried to button this thing up for five minutes now, I'm kind of over it, but I'm gonna keep trying, it'll be okay. Right, you know, so then now someone sees like, oh, that is frustrating. It's like you're not like, oh well, like it's fine. The button will, you know, we'll figure it out, it's gonna be okay. You're saying all of those things because I think, especially to young people, like they only see and hear what's around them, right? Like they don't see the nuances yet. So you gotta really say everything because it's really easy for you know, someone to learn that, like, oh, we don't talk about the things that we're upset about, right? And that's not what we want to. Do here.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:01

Right. And I think a lot of people do that because that's what they've seen and grown up with.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:06

You know?

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Um, but this book is very good uh for addressing that and trying to make you more in touch with your own feelings and reflecting with your own thoughts and emotions and how to move through them.

SPEAKER_04 40:21

Yes. And allowing you to move through them without the additional chatter, right? Yes. Without that monkey mind going in all different directions.

SPEAKER_02 40:29

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 40:29

And you get to look at it very objectively.

SPEAKER_02 40:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:33

Um, I would say that like I am a person that this is a phrase that I say to myself when let's be real, when I'm down bad, you know, where like I can't get out of whatever hole that I am in and my mind is just going in circles. Because it happens, you know. Um I am grateful for the opportunity to experience this human life and all of the emotions that come with it, right? Because you think about how many living organisms on this earth have like two functions, right? You know, and they live their whole lives just eating and mating, and that's it. Like we get to do so many things in life, yeah, you know, and that comes with so many emotions. And while like I don't love the some of those emotions, it really amplifies the ones that I do. Because then I feel more gratitude for the positivity in my life because I have this fully formed graph to compare it to.

SPEAKER_00 41:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:48

You know.

SPEAKER_00 41:49

After reading this book, something that I thought to myself is do you remember when people wore those like what would Jesus do bracelets? And like I would wear a what would Jay Shetty do bracelet.

SPEAKER_04 42:01

Oh, okay. He's gonna come out with that next week.

SPEAKER_00 42:04

I mean, he should have come out with it a long time ago with this book, but that's just how helpful I I found it, how interesting it was to see a lot of your day-to-day experiences reframed from his perspective in this way of being more thoughtful and mindful with the way you move through the world, the way you interact with yourself, even too. Um, so that's why I thought this was a great book, as always.

SPEAKER_04 42:34

Yeah, and I I really appreciated the all of the factual science-based information. He's so wrote that because that is someone that I I I am similar to that, where I love the woo-woo stuff. Like, tell me about stars and moons and planets and you know, nodes and all that good stuff. And I also want to know the like biological and neurological reasons that I do the things that I do.

SPEAKER_00 43:02

Right. I want to know that this is science-based. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:05

Because then it helps me. I'm like, okay, this helps me to do this. How does it help me? Well, these things are actually happening, these chemicals are mixing with these chemicals, and it's overloading this system, right? Right. And I can visualize that in my mind, and I can truly sometimes see myself going like emptying that out and like releasing it. And it's just like a good thing for me to like hold on to um while I'm experiencing like, you know, tough moments.

SPEAKER_00 43:35

Well, that's good. I'm glad that this is helpful to you. So that is how we felt about Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty. I hope you read it and started off your year with a more positive mindset. Um, we're just gonna quickly talk about three of our favorite books from 2025. First up, we have The Five Types of Wealth by Sahil Bloom.

SPEAKER_04 43:59

Yeah, that one was good. I think um it's funny that we picked to talk about that, or we decided to talk about that one right after Jay Shetty's book because I think the um the format of it was very similar, and kind of his approach to it was a little similar with like the examples, yeah, the trial, the studies, like yeah. Um and it was interesting to like have it broken down like that, right? So that you can really decide. And what I loved is it was also very realistic, right? It's like, well, sometimes you have to pour more into this type of wealth, yeah. And which means that those other types might, you know, not suffer, but like they might not be as full for a while, right?

SPEAKER_00 44:48

Or they're running on maintenance, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:50

Um, and I loved the um relationship curve that he talked about through life, where like, you know, family and then friends and then partners. Yeah. Right. And how at different times in your life, like those people mean more to you, or you're around them more and whatnot. And it just kind of also lends to the realism that he, you know, he talks about in the book.

Science Meets Woo-Woo: Why It Sticks

SPEAKER_00 45:18

Yeah, I just found it really relatable and he had good tidbits of information that you could take away, whether or not you dove into the whole thing. It was very good in that way. And I mean, he had that hook that got us right from the start that was like, if you don't live at home and you only go home once a year, you can count how many more times you're gonna see your parents based on like Yeah, that one took me out. I know it it was a very good way to get you hooked in there, and you know what?

SPEAKER_04 45:51

I think Yeah, a couple months later, I booked a flight to go see my mom.

SPEAKER_00 45:58

That's what I'm saying. I'm going to Guyana with my mom.

SPEAKER_04 46:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:01

Okay, so our second book that we liked of 2024 is I think Asher's probably favorite. I Am Not Jessica Chen by Ann Liang.

SPEAKER_04 46:11

Let me tell y'all. Okay, here's the thing. YA is like banging. Okay. That is Asher's genre. Like, I don't care how old I am, I like it. It's I like uh a book that is a really easily digestible read. Right? I won't say it's an easy read because it was, you know, there was stuff in there, but like it's give me a story that I can picture in my mind and I'm hooked. Like that that is the way to get me. If I can visualize the scenery and you know what's happening, yeah, like I'm in. I will read until like I fall asleep.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

It was a very good book, and I liked that it did a really good job of showing you what it's like to be two different types of child in an Asian household.

SPEAKER_04 47:09

It was well written, it was engaging, it was a good book, and it really also, I mean, yes, we're talking about the two main characters. Um but it also when they were like their school, it really shows the pressures that are being put on like high school young people to succeed way past their age or way past what they need to really be doing in this moment, yeah, right? Um, and how we're putting these pressures on on people before their prefrontal cortex is really even close to being developed. I know. So now that's gonna be the thing that's stuck with them for the rest of their lives, and that's not a way to live.

SPEAKER_00 48:00

No, you know, yeah, um it was a very interesting book, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:04

I really and just her writing is great, like the artistry and just like the connection with how she describes things with painting, um, and not describes paintings, like I think she describes she uses words like paint.

SPEAKER_02 48:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:24

Like truly, and I thought it was really beautiful. I liked it.

SPEAKER_00 48:27

Yeah. Um, and then our last but certainly not least, I should be smarter by now. A collection of short stories by the one and only Issa Ray.

SPEAKER_04 48:37

This might be your favorite.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

I think I just liked it because I listened to it in audiobook form, and I love her, and she obviously read her own stories, so you could hear the inflection in her voice when she was laughing at what she wrote or whatever it was. And I just really love her. So I enjoyed these, they were just fun, and it was fun to learn more about her too through these stories.

Favorite Books Of 2024

SPEAKER_04 49:04

Agreed. I love me some Issa.

SPEAKER_00 49:06

I mean, she's the best. Um, and those were our favorites from 2024. So before we go, do you have any recommendations, TV, movie, books for our listeners?

SPEAKER_04 49:19

I do. So let's talk about books first. Okay. So um I started reading this trilogy by uh Tony Adiemi.

SPEAKER_02 49:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 49:30

The first book is called Children of Blood and Bone. So it's like uh it's like a fantasy book, but it's based off of this um, it looks like an island because they show you a map in the front. So it's this island and of all of these black people, right? And there are there's this group, the Maji, who like have these magical powers, and you can tell who they are because they have like all white hair. Okay, right? Um, and they have different powers that are passed down from you know ancestors and given to them by the gods, right? So something happens, there's a war, and the king takes magic away, right? And then I won't give anything else away, but um it's this coming of age story where this young woman finds herself in a predicament, and not a predicament, but a situation, and now she is, you know, the one that's gonna save magic.

SPEAKER_00 50:36

Okay, right?

SPEAKER_04 50:37

Um, and then things happen, and then there are two more books after that. I'm on the second book right now, but it's just like one, it's like super action-y, two, it's got like the magic stuff in it, which I think is really cool, and it's just like it's a really good read because this author wrote it from what I read in the notes. Um, she wrote it after the summer of 2020, um, after the George Floyd. Um I believe that's correct. Okay. Um, but this was her response to so many unarmed black men getting killed by the police.

SPEAKER_00 51:20

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_04 51:21

Um, so she wrote this story of oppression and like, you know, trying to come out of that. Um, and it gets very complicated, which I actually really love because I'm like, again, this is realistic, right? It's not gonna be like, oh, we did it, everything's great now. Now there's a whole other host of complications that you have to navigate through. So like it's just, oh man, it's one of those that, like, yes, I'm vision envisioning it in my mind. I am reading it nonstop, but I do like it because it's one of those that I don't know why it hasn't been picked up for a movie yet, but it's one of those where you can see the scene change and it's great because I'm like, oop, the scene changed. I'm gonna go to bed. Like, because if I read this, I'm gonna read another 40 pages, you know.

SPEAKER_00 52:10

That's so interesting. Okay, maybe it will become a book or uh sorry, a movie or a mini-series.

SPEAKER_04 52:15

Here's hoping. Fingers crossed.

SPEAKER_00 52:17

I also have a book before we move on. Uh, I recently listened to this one, and I've been on like a thriller kick, as you guys know. This one really threw me for a loop, and I was like, oh, this that's interesting.

SPEAKER_03 52:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 52:33

It's called She Didn't See It Coming. Very apt title.

SPEAKER_03 52:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 52:37

I did not see it coming by Sherry Lapina. I really liked this. It started out as like a mystery. This wife and mother goes missing, and you're trying to figure out like where where did she go? This isn't that much of a spoiler, but like they do end up finding her dead. And then it becomes a who did it, and who you think did it, did not, like it just really twists and turns in a way that I was very pleasantly surprised.

SPEAKER_04 53:10

Are you like gasping at the book?

SPEAKER_00 53:11

I did. At the end, I was like, oh my god. Yeah, it was good. So that is my recommendation.

SPEAKER_04 53:17

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

Do you have any other recommendations?

SPEAKER_04 53:20

Um, yeah. So for TV, I have been watching um the Copenhagen test.

SPEAKER_00 53:28

Okay, so I want to hear more about this because our boy Seymour is in that, and I love him, and I know you do too. How is it?

SPEAKER_04 53:38

It's good. Okay. I think it was one of those where at first I was like, I'm not sure. Um, especially in the first episode, because I think there was a lot of story that needed to be given.

SPEAKER_02 53:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 53:52

You know? Um, but after I think starting in like the third episode, that's when I was like, okay, now it's getting juicy. Here we go. This is what I was waiting for. Um, so it's about, I think I can tell you at least this much. Like, um, this man, he works, uh, he's in the military, right? And he has some mission, and they show that, and then he has to pick between a child or a woman, right? Or a woman who's an American citizen, and this is a child that's from whatever country they were in, right? Um, and then it cuts to him now being an analyst. So clearly something happened and they took him out of the field, right? And he's trying to get back into the field. Well, he finds out some things that have been done to him, um one being a test. You can guess which one.

SPEAKER_00 54:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 54:54

Um, but I won't tell you what the test was.

SPEAKER_00 54:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 54:57

Um, but through all of that, now there's a whole host of things trying to find out who like did the test, who did the thing to him, all sorts of things. So that's enough to say without like giving away like the good stuff.

SPEAKER_02 55:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 55:16

Um, but it's it's act, it's action-y, it's like like uh action drama, but I think there are some parts that I found a little funny, like little one-liners here or there.

SPEAKER_00 55:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 55:30

Um, but it's good. I really like it.

SPEAKER_00 55:33

So my TV show rack is a limited series on Netflix called Runaway.

SPEAKER_04 55:39

Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 55:40

It's based on a popular thriller novel by Harlan Coben.

SPEAKER_04 55:44

Here she go again.

TV And Thriller Recs You’ll Binge

SPEAKER_00 55:45

I know. Like that is my theme for sure. I think it's six or eight episodes. One of the days that I was sick, like the first day I was sick, I blew through the whole series. It was so good. It was very interesting, it was engaging, lots of twists and turns, great accents, both Scottish and British accents in there. There are some funny one-liners as well. Like it was just a good show. It was very entertaining. So that's my recommendation.

SPEAKER_04 56:15

It's on Netflix, you said?

SPEAKER_00 56:16

It's on Netflix.

SPEAKER_04 56:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 56:18

Um, okay. So I think that's it for us this month, you guys. We will leave you with our book for next month. We went to open books here in Logan Square, and we found this book that just looked so pretty. They had two copies. It's a Korean bestseller. It's please don't please give me grace with this uh title and the author, which is Soyangri Book Kitchen by Kim G. High. I hope I said those things right.

SPEAKER_04 56:50

I hope so too.

SPEAKER_00 56:51

It is a beautiful book. It recently got translated to English this last year. Um, so we're excited to read it and hope you guys read along with us.

SPEAKER_04 56:59

All right, year four, baby. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 57:01

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_04 57:03

All right, thanks, y'all, so much. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 57:05

Bye.