If You Could Forget The Hurt Would You Still Be You

Motivation crashes, and the self-care keeping us sane — bikes, fresh air, and restorative yoga from the couch. This month Nadia brings Marigold Mind Laundry by Jungeun Yun, a Korean novel asking whether you'd erase a painful memory and what you'd lose with it. Asher brings The Slightest Green by Sahar Mustafah — a raw Palestinian-American story about land, family, and survival. We're talking belonging, joy, and protecting your peace. Subscribe, share, and tell us — what would you never wash away?

Music by - Asher Ahmahd
Edited by - Donnie Moore  @dddonniemooreee

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Transcript

Hello And The Anxiety Check-In

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey y'all, I'm Asther.

SPEAKER_06 0:01

I'm Nadia.

SPEAKER_02 0:02

And this is Brown Reading.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Hi, Nadia.

SPEAKER_06 0:25

Hi, Asher.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

How are you doing?

SPEAKER_06 0:28

Better today. It's been a trying time. I've been battling some anxiety around my new job, dealing with some imposter syndrome, dealing with some slight mistakes that have just like been exacerbating things. And yeah, it just kind of all came to a head this week. And I think I needed it to. And that's kind of what happened.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

I guess you can't burn what you can't see. So it's gotta show you right in your face so you can light that match, you know?

SPEAKER_06 1:11

Right. So now we're gonna build it back. Better. Shout out to Joe. Jojo.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Jojo.

SPEAKER_06 1:19

You know, good old Joe Biden.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Oh okay. We wanted to bring that back.

SPEAKER_06 1:24

I know. It made me laugh, so I had to do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:27

So yeah, I'm doing better. Good. How are you doing? Um I'm gonna take a sip of my watermelon vodka drink while you collect.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

Um and I'm gonna reach for mine right after I tell you how I'm doing. Um I'm feeling okay. I feel like I got into, you know, feelings are a bit of a roller coaster. And we definitely took a dip.

SPEAKER_04 1:56

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

You know, and now we're hearing that kick kick kick kick kick kick kick as you like go back up the thing, and you're like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

At the roller coaster, all right. We're okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

We can go back up. It's fine. Take a breath. Um, I just, you know, I think sometimes when, and maybe it's just me, maybe someone out there gets what I'm talking about, but like you have a moment where it's like, yeah, this is crushing and like this is doing well and everything, and you're starting to really feel the groove and whatever, and then there's something that says, like, mm-mm, too good to be true, you know, and then you start doing all of these things, and next thing you know, like you're in this headspace of like, oh well, I just like I don't know, I don't want to do anything. You lose all like I just lose all sort of motivation. Like, for no, I mean, uh, I keep saying no reason. Clearly, there's a reason, I just have no idea what it is, right? To be quite honest with you, you know.

SPEAKER_06 2:58

Um, I've also been feeling a loss of motivation the past couple of days. Part of me feels like because the weather is better outside, it's like my body wants to relax and be outside and not behind a desk working.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Mm-hmm. I mean, yes, me too. And I mean, I've done pretty well trying to get outdoors. Like, I just, well, I'll talk about that in the what I've done for myself lately. Um, but I've been going outdoors more often, so that's been kind of nice. And yeah, in a sense, I guess that's why I will say Chicago is really good about this. Like during the warmer months, especially like summer, summer, like people only like some people work half day Fridays. Like Chicago for the most part, I think is really good about go enjoy outside. We'll see you in the winter, you know?

SPEAKER_06 3:54

Yeah. Um, but not all jobs do that, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rest As Self-Care Without Guilt

SPEAKER_00 4:00

That's true. That's true. Um, but for the most part, you know, we're keeping it together and we're just gonna drink this vodka drink and talk about some books, you know?

SPEAKER_06 4:12

Well, we know one thing you're doing for yourself drinking that vodka drink, but what else have you been doing for yourself recently?

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Hold on. Um, okay, so I just recently bought a new bike.

SPEAKER_06 4:27

Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

So um I I had a bike before, and I I love biking around the city, especially during the warm months, you know. Um, and when I didn't have a car, it was like my main mode of transportation. Uh and you know, with all the back things that were happening, the bike that I had was just like not making it better. So I just I had to stop riding. Um and it hasn't been that long. I mean, I probably rode through like to the beginning of the fall. Yeah. You know? Um, but I still like missed it because I would ride until it was like 20 degrees outside, you know, and I just I couldn't. So I knew that when it got warmer, like I wouldn't be able to use the bike that I have because it just it's just gonna keep hurting my bike, my back. So I went and like found a deal and got a bike that was like the right size for me, and so far, so good. Everything's been great. My body's a little sore because she forgot, you know. Um, and so that's been nice, just like trying to get outdoors more and like leaning into finding the rest whenever I can, even if I feel guilty or anxious about it, I will take the rest.

SPEAKER_06 5:56

That's really good. That's so funny because that is one of my things, too.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Okay, yes. Okay, tell tell us.

SPEAKER_06 6:03

I have been trying battling the anxiety. I've been trying to take more moments of rest. Um, there was a time this week where I just felt drained and I almost canceled plans, which I don't do, so I was like, no, I'm not going to do it. But I'm gonna remember how I feel right now, and I'm gonna keep one of my nights open to just get back in this bed after I've showered, even at 6 p.m., and read a book and just lay in this bed and relax. Yes, and I did that, and it felt so good. And then I took a restorative class via live stream from my bedroom.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Ooh, it was really nice. Nice, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 6:47

I enjoyed it because you know, for me, that class is meant to help you wind down, so like it makes sense to do it from home.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Mm-hmm. You could even do it in your bed.

SPEAKER_06 6:58

So the instructor was giving instructions for like if you're in your bed, here are things that you can do. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

Yeah, nice.

SPEAKER_06 7:05

Um, I wasn't, but like I had enough space to do it on the ground on my yoga map, but I was like, that's a good no for next time.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Right.

SPEAKER_06 7:13

So that's what I'm trying to do. Just give myself more grace, give more space to just relax.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

And you know, in uh the spirit of that, we're gonna jump right into the book because we're gonna hope go ahead and get through this and then we're going to take some time and relax together.

Two Books And A Monthly Swap

SPEAKER_06 7:30

Yeah, I'm excited for that. That would be great.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 7:33

Should I go first or do you want to go first?

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Well, let's tell everybody what's happening just in case you missed it from last time.

SPEAKER_06 7:40

So Asher and I read two different books this month, and we're gonna tell each other a little bit about the book, and then, you know, probably have a little discussion, some thought-provoking questions, maybe. Maybe not. We'll see. Um, but yeah, so we read two different books this month.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Um, you know, I'm feeling like we should probably start with me.

SPEAKER_06 8:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Well, what's the tone of your book?

SPEAKER_06 8:15

It is a little deeper.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Well, might as well start with you then, because I guess we both just dove in.

Marigold Mind Laundry Explained

SPEAKER_06 8:21

Okay. So my book Sorry, y'all. My book is a soul-stirring Korean bestseller that was recently translated to English. It's called Marigold Mind Laundry by Jung Yun Yoon. Um, and it was translated by Shanatan. And one of the little subtitles they have on here is Wash Away the Stains from Your Heart. So that is kind of the premise of this book. This woman has the supernatural powers that when she's younger, she doesn't fully understand how to use. But as she becomes older, she wants to make people's lives better. And she opens up a mind laundry. And when you come in, you talk to her about what, about what's weighing heavy on your heart, and she gives people this special herbal tea that sort of loosens them up a little bit and helps them feel more at peace and more relaxed that they're willing to share with her these things that are troubling them.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Not taking LSD, but okay.

SPEAKER_06 9:28

Like, wait a minute, this beautiful thing she's doing.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Hey, I call it laxasiza.

SPEAKER_06 9:34

Oh my. But then after they finish telling her, she gives them the opportunity like you can go upstairs, you'll find white t-shirts, you can put one of them on, and then you think about throughout their story, there'll be one thing, like one moment that really is the crux of what still hangs over them. It's what brought them the most pain, it's what was really pivotal for them, probably in a negative way, that they want to be able to release. So she tells them to go upstairs if they want, they can put on these white t-shirts and concentrate on that thing that happened or the way it made them feel, whatever it is. And a stain will appear on their shirt. Then they can take it off and they put it in a laundry machine, like it's very practical. Like you put it in the laundry machine, and she gives them the opportunity to either completely wash it away so they forget it ever happened, or they can just lessen the stain so it doesn't hurt as much.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Interesting.

SPEAKER_06 10:35

And then they take it and they hang it to dry on like one of her laundry lines, and that's the thing.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

Wait, so she has the power to do this, or the laundry has the power to do this.

SPEAKER_06 10:48

Well, it's through her that it's working in the first place. It's like her powers that are sort of like making this happen.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 10:55

And I think like what they're alluding to, but don't want to come out and say, is like if she just did it, if she just like touched you and did it, that would be more freaky. But in this scenario, like you feel more like you're in control of whether or not you even let go of this. Because some people decide, no, while this situation brought me a lot of pain, it also results in a lot of joy. And if I let go of this, it'll let go of that, and I don't want to let go of that, so I'll keep it all. So some people tell her and they decide to not go upstairs and put on the t-shirt, but they've still found some peace in having that realization that, like, this good that I have in my life now came from this bad, right? So I'll keep it. And you know, they walk away still feeling more settled and more calm and more at ease. So that's the whole premise of the book. And then she, through this and getting to know people in this town, this seaside town in Korea that she sets up in, she starts to make friends, which isn't something she's really done before. And she starts to understand like the value of these relationships because sort of being a magical being, she didn't really she didn't really have those. She wasn't aging while everyone else around her was. Okay. So then she would move on to different cities. But in this one, they didn't quite explain how, but she started to age and they noticed it. And I think it's because again, it may have been lost in translation, but it was like she was finally connecting with people. So maybe some of her magic was seeping away, and she was able to actually like grow old now. Right. And like have real connections with people.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Okay.

Would You Soften A Stain

SPEAKER_06 12:36

So it was a very interesting book. My question to you.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 12:43

And you can take this as deep as you would like. You can either choose to erase something completely, or what is something that you would like to maybe soften like it something that has occurred, but then I want to end on a high note. If she could do the opposite, where like she brightened a good moment in your life, where like that took a more prominent place in your mind, what would that be?

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Okay. Um, so first the one that I would like to either lessen the stain of or disappear.

SPEAKER_05 13:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Um, well, one, I don't believe in disappearing stains.

SPEAKER_05 13:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Um, even the ones that I'm like, God, if I did, that would be the one, you know? But I okay, so you were there, had a birthday party recently, and um of course they made me speak, and by they I mean you. I did actually, no, you didn't. I think it was it was somebody else. No, no, no, it was somebody else. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Um well you didn't help. But they didn't. I didn't help, but I didn't hurt. I just let it happen. Fair, fair, fair. And so one of the things I said, which I always think that people are going to assume that it's something conceited or like, you know, arrogant or whatever. Um, but I was like, thank you to everybody because you've all been a part of my life and you've helped, you've been a part of who I am in this moment. And I'm like, I love who I am. So, like, thank you, you know. Yeah, you've helped. So I like I I think about that about every moment that I've been a part of. It's like, even if I didn't love it in the moment, I am who I am right now because of every single thing that has happened.

SPEAKER_06 14:35

Okay, that story didn't go where I thought it was gonna go. I was like, is he saying he wants to lessen something that happened at this birthday party?

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Oh no, no, no, no, no. I just I'm just like stating again, I just I think all of these leave impressions, you know. Um, and these impressions are important and they form and they mold and they shape. Totally. But if I could lessen a stain. Um I think I would lessen the stain of moments where people told me that I was either not enough or too much. Because I as a as a youth um where I think so many people are like just now discovering themselves or on their way to discovering themselves or whatever, as a young person, I was very aware of who I was and had no shame in my game. Like, I just like I didn't know how to be anything else. Yeah. But then one person tells you that you're too loud, and then the other thing, other person tells you that like you don't pick things up with strong man hands, you're too dainty. Right. Um, and another person says, like, you're too extra, or you know, and it's like, or they make fun of you for the things that you like to do, or like whatever it is, right? Even the most, like, I mean, and I was the person that was like, okay, and your mama's a hoe.

SPEAKER_06 16:21

You know, like God, not bringing their mamas into the crazy.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

But like, I was that person that like you could say whatever you want, but you're basic as hell. I don't care, you know.

SPEAKER_07 16:32

Good for you.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

That was great, and eventually that shit wears you down. It does, you know, and so when I when I got to college, where I think most people are starting to truly blossom and discover and like experiment or whatever, um, lol. Um, I think that was the moment where like I lost myself a lot because you know, okay, well, I've grown up in this one town for my whole life. I have this opportunity to go somewhere else. Maybe I take some of these notes and like adjust accordingly.

SPEAKER_05 17:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Um, and I think it just left me very vulnerable and um I wouldn't say confused, but scattered. You know? So then I felt like I spent a lot of time when people were solidifying who they felt they were. I spent a lot of time rebuilding.

SPEAKER_06 17:40

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Um so like I felt a little left behind or like uh just affected you. Yeah, you know what I mean? Uh yeah. So I think I would lessen the stain of that because I like the strength that it gave me. You know, because at the end of the day, I realize, and it's a you know, it's a work in progress, let's be real. Like, I am no like saint of a person that can come here and tell you, like, I am nobody's life coach. Um, you know, well, kind of, but you're sometimes mine though. Sometimes, yeah. But like, I don't proclaim to be this seer of like all things connected with yourself. Um not even close. I just have experienced a lot, so I can share my experiences, you know? Um, but I think that it is important to feel those moments to gather the strength, but I also like wish that it hadn't chipped so much, you know. Yeah, like I don't know if if I had been honest with myself then and truly been like this hurts my feelings, had would it be different, or did I need that armor to get through it?

SPEAKER_06 19:01

Yeah. So I have two things on that. One is that I didn't even think of that when I thought of this question because that is something I've dealt with on and off throughout my whole life. Either them using the words or just making me feel that way through different actions or different things that I was too much or not enough. For me, it has primarily happened in romantic relationships or situationships with hetero men. What like who were the main perpetrators for you?

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Men ain't shit. Um they really aren't. Well, you know, for me it's quite different because that was not a part of my growing up at all. Um for better or for worse.

SPEAKER_06 19:53

I mean, you say growing up, but I feel like I have still dealt with this sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 19:58

I'm just at a place now in my adult life where I'm like, I'm not for you then, and you certainly aren't for me.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

And period. Period. That's it, that's the end of the story. You know? Um, I think for me, it was okay. I'm gonna be completely honest, and I might be off, but like it's just how I feel. Like, I'm awesome.

SPEAKER_07 20:22

You are awesome.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

And I don't mean that in a like I'm better than everyone sort of way, but I and truly I can understand how it does, but I think a lot of people take it that way.

SPEAKER_05 20:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

You know, and it's like, well, when you spend your whole life having to hype yourself up because the people around you are tearing you down, like, I don't care what it looks like to you.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

That's what I gotta do to make it through the day.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

You know, because what I was not gonna do, and one lesson that I have learned from a very young age is I'm not gonna let anybody completely take away my joy. If I gotta work to build it back, then I gotta work to build it back. But what you're not gonna do is steal it.

SPEAKER_06 21:02

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

You know, good for you. Like you could you could empty the tank, but I'm gonna fill it up. Um, and you see, I can hear it in my voice. I'm getting a little like like let me tell you another thing. Um, but truly, I think it's like people see you shine and they don't like it because they don't shine the same way you do.

SPEAKER_06 21:28

I heard something recently that you should have friends in your life or just people in your life that love their life.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 21:38

Otherwise, yes, they are gonna be jealous of yours and trying to tear it down.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Well, let's even bring it to like, and I this is not a political podcast, so we don't need to like dive way into it, but there are people right now with lives that are not bothered by anything going on, right? But are actively trying. Trying to make other people's lives worse.

SPEAKER_07 22:02

I know.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Because it's uncomfortable for them. No one is messing with you.

SPEAKER_07 22:07

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Why do you feel the need to walk all the way over to this side of the room just tell somebody they ain't shit?

SPEAKER_07 22:13

Right. Like just leave it.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

No one asked you to come over here.

SPEAKER_07 22:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, we have all been doing just fine over here on our own. No one asked you to come over here and tell me what you think I'm doing wrong with my life.

SPEAKER_07 22:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

Back off.

SPEAKER_07 22:29

Truly.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

And nothing that I am doing is actively actively affecting you.

SPEAKER_07 22:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

If you are so mad about these people taking taking jobs that you think that you deserve, then go take those jobs.

SPEAKER_06 22:43

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

But you don't want to do those jobs.

SPEAKER_06 22:46

Okay, so I thought we're not political.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

I know, but here we are. You know, okay, sorry, I'll back it up. But it just it's the same thing. It's like because my life doesn't look the way that you think a life should look.

SPEAKER_07 22:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

You think I must change.

SPEAKER_07 23:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

I don't have to change. Why don't you just let me be?

SPEAKER_07 23:05

Agreed.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

You know, and so for me to go back to your question.

SPEAKER_07 23:10

I know.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

I was like, let's get it back. No, it but when I tell it makes sense. I think it's it's not just one type of person, it was everybody around me. You know, I mean, not like my immediate family for sure. Like, you know, my mom and my brother have been ride or die since day one. Even when they didn't understand, even when they were like, okay, I guess you like this. Like, that's fine, you know. Um that's sweet. It it is, and it's wonderful, but it shouldn't be a fascinating concept. You know what I mean? Yeah. Which is the sad part in it all, but I am lucky to have experienced that.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Right? But I'm talking like it's people that you think are your friends, it's your peers, it's teachers, it's I mean, it was coming from all angles.

SPEAKER_05 24:04

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

You know, and like because I have always been for the most part a naturally joyful person, like it's hard for people to really dig in. So all they have is making jokes, making fun.

SPEAKER_05 24:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Um, you know, I remember like in sixth grade, I know, uh, like I've always been a talkative person. You know, but I've always been one. If you give me rules and you are like my teacher or my whatever, I will follow those rules. Caveat, as long as they make sense.

SPEAKER_07 24:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

Right? Because, and we know growing up in the 90s, there's a lot of rules out there that you're like, but why?

SPEAKER_06 24:55

I know, and they didn't care to explain them or make them make sense.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

And I always, that was one of the things that I will say was me, I always wanted an explanation. And I'm not asking you because I want to defy it. I'm asking you because I'm trying to understand why everything is the way that it is. I'm just naturally curious.

SPEAKER_05 25:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

You know? So I remember, and then you have like people want to talk to you, but I'm also like, if someone talks to me, I'm gonna talk to them. I feel weird about ignoring and like whatever. That's who I was at that point. Now, let me tell you what. Like, now I'm the type of person where we can talk, and if I'm done, I can I'm it's no problem to be like, all right, well, I'm gonna go. Yeah, have a great day. You know, I love ending a conversation. Um, but that's not who I was then. So, like, and then I got in trouble for the talking. I always got in trouble for the talking, and even when I was like, but I didn't I didn't do this, but then that other person never got in trouble. Anyway, so I got in trouble once again. I would I had this part in this like pageant that she had created, which I thought was really cool, and it was the first time that I was ever gonna get to like dance, which is interesting. Um, it's like I liked it before I even knew. Uh, and she kicked me out of the show.

unknown 26:24

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

For talking.

SPEAKER_06 26:27

Oh my gosh. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

And then I had to sit there for the remaining remaining weeks and watch everybody practice and then do the show. And it it ripped my heart out. I was devastated.

SPEAKER_07 26:43

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

You know, and it's just like, but I didn't do anything wrong, and I can't tell you how many times I got punished, even though I didn't do anything wrong.

SPEAKER_06 26:55

Yeah, so I think it's interesting that um, you know, prior to this conversation, like I was thinking about where my answers are gonna be, which I'll get into next. Because I want to do the bad, bad, and then we'll do good, good. So we end on good.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 27:11

I'll try to do that with my book as well. But I one of the things I didn't even think about, and I was waiting to see if you were gonna say it, was lessening the pain of like racist comments. Because what you're saying to me. Oh, that's part of all of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:30

All of it.

SPEAKER_06 27:31

Oh, a hundred percent for me too, especially like in high school, like some of the you're too much things were from white boys.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

Okay, or I can't tell you how many times, like or you're not enough. I liked a girl, which lol. Um, you could have taken a breath before you laughed, but that's fine. No, I'm just kidding. Um and like I've heard the actual phrase, oh, my dad would never let me date you.

SPEAKER_06 28:05

I had a friend in high school that was like, you know, he would date you if you were white. I'm like, is that supposed to make me feel better?

SPEAKER_00 28:12

It doesn't.

SPEAKER_06 28:13

Sure doesn't. Like it makes me feel worse about all of us.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

Right.

SPEAKER_06 28:18

Um Okay, are we ready for mine?

SPEAKER_00 28:20

Yeah, go go for it.

SPEAKER_06 28:21

Okay. So I too don't believe in erasing any of the pain because I think all of it has made me who I am, and I too like who I am, so I don't want to change that. And I think it would be surprising for people who know me to hear that I wouldn't lessen the pain from losing my dad because then to me that would mean he meant less.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

Right. So that's that's not surprising at all.

SPEAKER_06 28:44

Okay, good. Um, so I'm not gonna say that. There are two that I have. One is kind of in line with yours, which like now that you said that, I'm like, I want that one too, but mine was. I think people would maybe be surprised if they weren't surprised at the last one to know that I felt sort of on the outside a lot. And I would like to lessen the pain of feeling like the black sheep.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

Wow. I think we have the same ones. Yeah, I didn't, yeah. So doesn't that kind of go hand in hand with the other one?

SPEAKER_06 29:24

It does, it does, but like that one for me was coming from different people.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

Ah, heard.

SPEAKER_06 29:30

So those that was coming from people that were closer to me, where I just kind of felt like I don't quite fit.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_06 29:39

I don't deal with it as much now. I think moving to Chicago, I've become much more intentional with who I do create friendships with. And the two people that I had before coming here, plus my cousin, like never made me feel that way. So the people that I did intentionally pick and allow into my life aren't ones that make me feel like I'm on the outside. But that is something I was dealing with a lot there. And then the other thing, which if you guys listened to the last podcast, I would lessen the effect and the fallout from that terrible relationship because it affected me for a really long time. Yeah, like a decade.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 30:20

So I would like to because I feel like I lost out. I don't know if I say I lost out because I think everything happens when it's supposed to, but I do think it shifted my feelings on love and relationships for a really long time.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

I think it's okay to feel like you lost out because you did, and maybe you were supposed to. Right. But that doesn't mean you it didn't happen. True. You know, and that effect does something, you know? Yeah. And whether it's discovery or taking your time to regain who you are.

SPEAKER_06 31:01

My confidence, my trust in men, like all of it.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

And I think that like had you not gone through that, would you have moved back to Orlando? Would we have ever met?

SPEAKER_06 31:16

That's a great question. Oh my god, I don't know. Right? That's crazy, yeah. So I it's not that I I agree. I don't wish that relationship never happened because it did teach me a lot about myself and what I will and won't put up with, but I wish I could have lessened the pain and the fallout from after.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

I'm interested to know, like, did that book talk anything about um the aftermath of lessening or taking away?

SPEAKER_06 31:46

Yeah, so because she's living in this community and she's witnessing what the people are going through, the ones that did decide to so interesting, the ones that decide to lighten it, they just found more peace and more joy and more happiness in their day-to-day. And she got to witness them just like walking around with lighter footsteps, a smile on their face, just feeling really good. The one that chose to erase, he chose to erase his love of videography because going down that path led him to a failure that like he just couldn't rebound from, and it was like stuck in his mind, and he couldn't like get over it or get past it. And he had a job that he was like sort of hating because he always wished it could be videography again, but like there was just nothing left in that world for him, so he wanted to forget his love for it. So she allowed him to do that, like you know, that was his choice, right? But then through their friendship, he sort of found his way back to videography naturally because it was what was meant for him, but he got to go to it now from a place where like he doesn't know, like he didn't remember being good at it or why he was drawn to it or why it just felt right to him, so he was able to come at it again from like a more pure place, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

That's so interesting that that's the the example. I feel very much the same about classical music. Oh, interesting, and you know, being someone who, as you know, from the jump was pretty talented at it. Yeah, right, or and more than talented, it's interested, right? I was very interested in it, and a lot of the people that I became friends with in that world, at least like growing up through school and classes and whatever, were like in high school less interested. They had fun, but they weren't interested in continuing, continuing, right? I was pretty serious about it. So then I was so excited to go to a school where everybody was just excited about music as I was, and I got there and still felt on the outside, you know, and then spent my I was working on the project that I'm working on, and I was writing some copy for the About You page, and it just all kind of came up. It was like, oh, like I really tried to make that work, but it was the competitiveness, and if another person told me I had to pay my dues, I was gonna lose my mind. And then to have a person after I won a major like competition, which whatever, it was like it was a big deal to me, excuse me. After I won that, the person that helped me win it told me that, oh, it must be nice getting everything you want.

SPEAKER_07 34:53

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

And you're I'm sitting there like, and thankfully, I was old enough and wise enough in this moment to say, no, I just work really hard.

SPEAKER_05 35:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

So if I want something, I go get it.

SPEAKER_05 35:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

And I will get it eventually. It might not look like what I thought, it might not be to the extent that I wanted it to be, but I will get it.

SPEAKER_05 35:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

You know, and you are like, I am not gonna let you take that away from me. But that stuff still hurts.

SPEAKER_05 35:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

And it gives you like that's that imposter syndrome, it might not creep up all the time, but when it does, all of those moments start to compound on it.

SPEAKER_06 35:33

It sure does.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

You know, so it's interesting to hear that because I was so, and this was my second, well, this was like my third attempt to go back into like this world, right? Uh and it brought me to sound healing and got me deeper into yoga and all of these things that I'm doing now. So I wouldn't lessen any of that because it was like I would never want to erase my love of classical music because if I didn't fight for that, then it never would have pushed me where I am now.

SPEAKER_06 36:12

Oh, good.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

And I always seem to find my way going back to it.

The Joy You Want To Brighten

SPEAKER_06 36:16

Yeah, you do. Um, well, good. Okay, so uh now I want to pivot to the the good thing. What is the thing that's the good thing that you would want to be able to enhance or brighten on your clothes if you could?

SPEAKER_00 36:34

Hmm. Brighten.

SPEAKER_06 36:38

It could be anything, it could be like a moment that was really great, and you wish you could have been more present in that moment, or you want to relive it. Just like something like that.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

I'm gonna go. I seem to love the unconventional answers, so I'm gonna keep going with that. Um, I'm not gonna choose a moment, I'm gonna choose um a characteristic.

SPEAKER_06 37:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

I would love to put more of a shine on my ability to not only connect with people, but connect people and um really curate um a vibe, a feeling, uh, emotions, energy, right? And to say that for you non-woo-woo people, you know, everybody has somebody in their life, hopefully, that when they walk in, they brighten the room. And I feel like that is one of my gifts. I feel like I'm really good at brightening a room. Okay, um, all of the things that I've been told were too much or whatever, now help me do those things. Yeah. And I think that sometimes that again, that imposter syndrome, oh, maybe you are being too much, maybe you shouldn't talk about that thing, maybe you should just let them feel however they're gonna feel, you know. Um, or you don't have to help everybody through everything that they're feeling. Why not?

SPEAKER_07 38:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 38:17

If I'm good at it and it brings me joy and it brings other people joy, why would I not want to like shine a light on that?

SPEAKER_05 38:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Um, so I think I would definitely want to, at least for myself, feel brighter about that, which would give me the confidence and the security to go out and keep doing that without needing to like I guess hibernate. To to, you know, we talk about extroverts and introverts and how extroverts uh gather energy from other people, right? And introverts gather their energy from being by themselves. I think the reason I lean towards introvert, even though a lot of people are like, I don't believe it for a second, but it's like I've been the one that had to replenish my own energy for so long that that's what I feel comfortable with. So I don't think you might be able to be naturally an introvert or an extrovert, but I think those circumstances can change based off of your life experiences.

SPEAKER_06 39:24

Oh, yeah. And I think it fluctuates based on like what's going on with you.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Yeah, I think I would love to like tap back in and shine a brand new light on like my extroverted qualities.

unknown 39:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

Nice.

SPEAKER_06 39:37

Thank you. Okay, I love that. Um this made me think of this thing that I saw on Instagram that was like, um, I don't ever leave my house and I'm super introverted because it's something like the people that you hear about on those murder docs, like the murder documentaries. Okay, the people that they interview that that love them are always like, they lit up a room. They're like, I don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

Right, don't come for me. I don't want to be murdered. I'm a promudgeon. Leave me alone. I mean, but like low-key, yeah. But that goes back to what we were saying before. I mean, that's like ridiculous, but also very true. It's like people want to steal that light, they don't like seeing you with it.

SPEAKER_06 40:26

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 40:26

Yeah, and some people are just so mad that you're bright and they look like the bottom of a well. Yes, that they want to steal it. But then they what what they don't realize is whatever they do to you is not gonna bring light to them.

SPEAKER_06 40:43

I mean, yeah, I mean, that's the thing that they don't get.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 40:47

So the thing that I would like to, I don't know that it's relive, but just step back and appreciate and enjoy. I think it was like two, maybe three years ago, I'd gotten into the groove of hosting a Diwali get together. And it was something I'd started doing to make me less homesick on DiWali. And three years ago, I feel like I maybe it was two. I just felt like I really hit my groove. Like I had my decorations, I had my snacks and my treats. Everybody was coming, they were bringing treats, and I had like at one point I stopped and I looked, I'm like, this apartment is full of people. Granted, it's not a big apartment, but it is full of people who, aside from Priya, are not Hindu, are not Indian, you know, aren't Indian, and they still came here to celebrate this with me. I built this, like I built this community for myself and found these people who would do this with me. Like, I did make this my home. And it was just a really lovely moment, and I look forward to that get together every year. I hope other people do too. And it just it really made me feel like you did it.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

Mm-hmm. Yes, you did. Yeah. Watched it happen.

The Slightest Green Setup

SPEAKER_06 42:02

Thank you. So that was um Marigold Mind Laundry by Jung Yun Yun. If I butchered that, I'm so sorry. I really tried, I looked it up. Um, so if you guys read it, let us know. Ask her what was your book?

SPEAKER_00 42:19

Okay, y'all. This book was heavy. It was hard to read. Um, not in the sense I I loved I loved how they wrote it. I enjoyed the story as much as one could enjoy the story, and it was very heavy. So there was a lot of times where I needed to put it down. Yeah. So I read The Slightest Green by Sahar Mustafa. Um it uh stars, not stars. Um I'm talking about it like it's a movie, but the main character is um In Intisar. Uh and so okay, quick synopsis, right? Intasar uh is of um her parents are Palestinian, and her mom was born and raised in America. Her dad was uh born in uh Palestine, moved to the States to go to school, they met, they had Intasar. Um then her dad left to go back um to fight with the resistance. Okay uh and he ends up going to jail and the story really starts when he he has cancer, so he comes back and they're asking Indissar to go see her father uh before he passes. Right? So then the whole story is about her trip. There.

SPEAKER_06 44:01

Sorry, he has cancer in jail.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

He has cancer in jail, so then they let him out.

SPEAKER_06 44:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Um and so she goes and she's staying with her grandmother, right? And she meets um she meets her father's best friend growing up and his family, she becomes friends with this man's daughter. Um and she feels very out of place. Okay. Right. Um but this is all about her learning more about not just her family, but learning about where she comes from. Right. And she's witnessed things that are horrific while she's there. She's personally been a part of some horrific acts while she's there. Um and you start to get a little more story about how her grandmother grew up because this is not one, it's not, oh, okay, this has been a fight for a long time and now her dad is in jail. Like it's not linear, right? Her grandmother was not a part of, but she experienced two occupations in where they had to just pick up and leave and run in the middle of the night. Right. Right. Um, and the big premise is that there is the land that her grandmother lives on was her husband's, and the law states that the next of kin, so like then it went to her son, and then when her son died, is supposed to go to Intessar. Intasar doesn't know this, but the grandmother knows this, right? So she doesn't know how to bring this up, and then when she finally does, Intisar is like upset and rightfully so, because like don't bring me halfway around the world and not tell me all the all the details, right? You know, but then you learn the why and all of the intricacies that happen um beforehand to bring us to this point, right? So what I noticed in this book, and I'm obviously not gonna tell the end because I'll you know, if y'all want to read it, you read it, but the premise is this Palestinian-American woman goes back to Palestine to see her father to be a part of you know this end of life. Um, and through that, she she learned so much, not about just herself, but like about like all the little details of before her. Um and it's fascinating when you see like there's a lot of play between people that live born and live in Palestine, people that are Palestinian but were born and raised in America. You start to see these cultural differences even within the same culture.

SPEAKER_07 47:16

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:17

Right? Um and she does end up sort of like finding her place in all of this somehow. Um and it just brought up a lot, I mean, for so many reasons, because the the details that you you read about are like specific and graphic, and you're just kind of like, this is just heart-wrenching. Like for no reason. How many times do people need to run and you chase them?

SPEAKER_04 47:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:53

I like the whole thing doesn't make sense to me, but again, there is so much in that that like I'm not gonna pr pretend that like I'm super knowledgeable knowledgeable about that. Um but at the end of the day, torture and death is never okay, period. That's all I'm gonna say on that, right? Okay, um, what I find interesting is the little connection points. So, like I said, she becomes friends with her father's best friend's daughter.

SPEAKER_07 48:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 48:25

Right? Um, and to see the way that they connect, um, and you know, it I would say that this one I believe her name is Loveness. Um the way that she carries herself and the way that she goes about in the world is very modern compared to what a lot of people experience there, right? So it's interesting to see that modernity uh rooted in Palestine versus the modernity rooted in American culture. Yeah. Right. And to still see how they connect with one another, right? Um, because at the end of the day, it's less about blood and it's more about earth to me.

SPEAKER_07 49:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 49:14

Um, and again, that's getting a little woo-woo, but I just mean like those two are not blood, but they are connected by experience, generational experience. Right? And you cannot take that away.

SPEAKER_05 49:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:29

So there was always gonna be this connection, and just the way that people that knew her father but didn't know her, the way that they just talked to her and treated her like she was already family. You know, because again, when, and I think a lot of minority groups, marginalized groups understand this when you go through a trauma and a generational trauma that is very similar, no matter how you grew up, there's a bond in that.

SPEAKER_05 50:00

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:00

You understand something that other people don't get.

SPEAKER_05 50:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:04

Um, and there's no amount of distance that's gonna change that. Um, and just the way that her mother was not approving of anything, she didn't even want her to go at all.

SPEAKER_06 50:21

And her is her mom of Palestinian descent?

SPEAKER_00 50:24

Yes, but she was born and raised in America. America, okay, and just for her mother to say how dangerous it is over there and all of these things, and you hear about all the dangers, and then when she goes, Libness takes her to a school where they're doing art with each other. Um, she's teaching the kids art. Um there's this old man that just sits at the edge of his property that waves to everybody. There's just such beauty and joy in this world that everyone else sees as dangerous and hurt and evil.

SPEAKER_06 51:00

But isn't that true of Chicago? Of so many places. You say, I'm gonna go to Africa, India, Guyana. I've heard it for all those places. It's so dangerous, it's so blah, blah, blah. No, it's not.

SPEAKER_00 51:17

No.

SPEAKER_06 51:18

There are certain places, I'm sure there are, and if you put yourself in certain situations, but just day-to-day life there, no, it's not.

SPEAKER_00 51:24

Correct. Um, and I think as someone who is, you know, first generation American, born from immigrants, um, and my cus one of my older, well, a few of my older cousins were born in Guyana. Um, I think we even have a different way of like being and moving through the world, you know, and I did notice that growing up. Um, and it's just so wild how one culture can have so many different perspectives.

SPEAKER_05 51:58

Yeah.

Culture That Grounds Us

SPEAKER_00 51:58

Which makes sense, but it it's still a lot to like grasp. Um so I guess that was the book. Um and I will say my first question is culturally, what is one thing that might bring you a lot of joy that I think um other people would think was weird or didn't understand or would question.

SPEAKER_06 52:37

Interesting. Um I do feel a certain connectedness to my culture when I put on traditional Indian clothes. And I remember growing up, we never wanted to go anywhere but temple in those clothes. Like we didn't want to have to. If my mom was stopping by the grocery store, like we hated getting out of the car because people just stared at us all the time, and now it's become more normal, and there are plenty of people that aren't Indian or Hindu wearing our clothes.

SPEAKER_00 53:10

But oh, do you want us to pause on that? Or do you want to keep going? We're gonna keep going. All right.

SPEAKER_06 53:18

Um, but I find it even now when I put it on, I just feel different. I feel more rooted and grounded when I put on my Indian clothes. I don't know if that would count now since it's not, it doesn't feel weird, but there are just certain things. Like when I went to Guyana, I was reminded by a lot of stuff. Like my cousin in his car, he would play all these old West Indian songs and Bollywood songs and all these songs that like I grew up listening to in my parents' car with my friends or whatever that I haven't heard in years, and just hearing it in his car took me back, and I'm like, this is these are my roots, like these are my people. And other people wouldn't understand that music or get it, and it wouldn't have the same effect on them. But I was like, I love this. This just I don't know, it hits me in a different way.

SPEAKER_00 54:09

It does, it does.

SPEAKER_06 54:11

So this might not answer your question because I don't know that I feel I don't I think I've also reached a point where like I don't care if you think it's weird.

SPEAKER_00 54:18

Well, yes, but we're talking like over the scope of life, but yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_06 54:23

Oh, on the same realm of the clothes growing up, because again, both of us grew up in Orlando, which were wasn't as open-minded as some other cities and in a different time. It was the same thing with henna. I would get henna done for weddings.

SPEAKER_01 54:39

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 54:40

Because back then it wasn't just like for fun at a fair, it was at a wedding.

SPEAKER_00 54:44

Like I got this for Coachella.

SPEAKER_06 54:46

Exactly. It was part of the wedding ceremony that you get it done traditionally. So I would come back to school with henna after having gone to my cousin's wedding, and people would be like, isn't a disease.

SPEAKER_00 54:58

Oh god. Meanwhile, people out here getting tattoos.

SPEAKER_06 55:02

Okay, and now they're doing it at every street festival in Chicago. Where do you think tattoos came from? Right.

SPEAKER_00 55:10

Just saying.

SPEAKER_06 55:12

Permanent henna, babe. Right.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

For real. Um, okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 55:16

So what about you?

SPEAKER_00 55:17

Those are good. Um, I would say. Um, well, one, I think we've talked about this before. Um food.

SPEAKER_06 55:29

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:30

Right? And people coming over and being like, your house smells funny.

SPEAKER_06 55:34

You smell like curry. Um are you jealous?

SPEAKER_00 55:37

Right. Oh, that's that's a lot for because people didn't know what what curry was. Where I like, you know, just down the street where I grew up. Um, so they had no idea. Um, I would say, and then I would say more broadly, just the way we talk to each other, because there's this bluntness that always comes from care. But you never so blunt. It is so blunt, but you're never thinking like, what does this person actually mean?

SPEAKER_06 56:13

No, because they let you know, and it is just so. My mom laughed because somebody in Guyana said something crazy, and she was just like, What are you gonna do? Like it's real speak. Like they just talk truth, and like that's what they think, but it is not for the weak.

SPEAKER_00 56:31

It it's not, but you know, you can also be like, Okay, I don't care. Yeah, and then all right, I'm just I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_06 56:40

If you guys don't know what I'm talking about, or what we're talking about, I can only speak for Guyana, but it's very true throughout the Caribbean, where, for example, if your dad was um a fisherman, they're like, Oh, your fisherman's son? Yeah, yes, because that's how they refer to him, and that is how they refer to you because that's like the correlation that they're making. Or if you have um, if you're tall and thin, they'll like comment on that. Like they don't think it's weird to comment on your physical, your physical your physicality. Yeah, yeah, creeping in. Anything about you physically because like, well, I'm speaking the truth, like you can see it and I can see it, so it's how I'm referring to you, right? Like they they're so rude, they'll be like, Fat bye, like, and they'll just talk to people like that, yeah. And the other person doesn't get offended because they understand like that's just how people speak, but or if they do get offended, I don't know, maybe they say something, but like it's just how they all speak to each other, right?

SPEAKER_00 57:41

And I do think, and I will again can only speak from my experience, and even though sometimes it does feel like they're making fun of you, there's no making fun, right? Like if someone, if they're making fun of you, you're gonna know that you're being made fun of. Yeah, that's a whole different level of blunt truthness, you know?

SPEAKER_06 58:00

The amount of West Indian Instagrams I've seen where people are of our generation are like, dear aunties and uncles, when I haven't seen you in a long time, you get fat is not the way you start a conversation with me, right?

SPEAKER_00 58:16

Right.

SPEAKER_06 58:18

And they were like, please stop saying these like yes, I I'm eating good. Yeah, since I was 10, I did grow up. Right, you're right. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 58:26

Um, all those times you told me to put meat on my bones, I did.

SPEAKER_02 58:30

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 58:31

Um, so and then the the one thing that I will say that like uh I really do feel like connected to was the parties. Yes, you open the door and you get assaulted with soaker music. Assaulted. People are dancing everywhere, there's enough food for three days, those freaking cheese and mustard sandwiches.

SPEAKER_06 58:57

I asked my mom to make those when I go home next week.

unknown 59:00

God.

SPEAKER_06 59:01

I love those.

SPEAKER_00 59:03

Loved those sandwiches.

SPEAKER_06 59:04

They're so good.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

And like it was just, I mean, you're running 50 people deep, and everybody knows who you are, everybody wants to talk to you, everybody it doesn't matter dance no matter how old you are, you're dancing with your parents or other kids on the dance floor. You must you met me when I was two, and you're gonna tell me all about that year.

SPEAKER_07 59:27

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 59:28

You know, um, but it's the same like with this book. It's like, I don't care how much I know you or how long ago I knew you, I know you. You are we are yeah, you know, you are part of me, I am part of you, and it's that connectedness that like a lot of people don't get.

SPEAKER_06 59:50

For the Super Bowl, when Bad Bunny did his performance, and they, you know, different people afterwards were breaking down each part of his performance and how it spoke to not just Puerto Rican culture but Caribbean culture. I feel like that also helped feel us make us all feel connected with the little boy that fell asleep across the chair. So I was like, every single West Indian kid I know has done that. Because if you're tired and your parents are at the party and they're not ready to go, you better find someplace to lay down.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:19

Yep, that's right. Because you're not leaving until this time to go. Nope.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:24

You better sleep someplace until this time to go.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:26

And you're lucky if you find a bed.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:28

Truly, it's a couch, like you're sleeping on the couch next to them while they're dancing. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:33

Yep, yep. For sure.

Moving To Your Parents Homeland

SPEAKER_06 1:00:35

That's just the way it is. And I just felt like so seen. I'm like, he did this for the whole Caribbean, is what it felt like to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:41

I agree a hundred percent. Yeah. Um, okay, so my next question is um, so like I said, in Sarumu uh goes to uh Palestine, uh Bayat Al-Hawa was the town.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:56

Um and there's this land that she must claim, right? But she has to, because of all the laws, and there's this man trying to take the land away.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:06

Um, falsifying documents and whatnot, right? Pretending that it was never theirs, or that it was sold to him. So the way to fight this is for it to start to stay um for like a pretty long time to figure this out. And it they allude to wanting her to move there at least temporarily.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:30

Right. And so this becomes a big like point of contention and like this is the big question. Is it gonna happen? Right? Um my question to you is if there was an opportunity to move to the land of your parents, it's there, it's ready for you. And I'm gonna take out that it needs to happen to keep the land. I'm just like giving full autonomy. Like if you had an opportunity to go to Guyana and live there and still have a job, a career, or whatnot, or even start from scratch, would you?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:19

Would you start from scratch?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:21

I think yes. I feel like it would seem easier and simpler there because you need less. So it feels more achievable to start over there.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:34

So then my next question is why don't we?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:37

I know, I know the fact that I knew what you were gonna ask me before you finished, and I was like, Yeah, of course I would. Like, what are you talking about? Um, yeah, I don't know. I I really don't know why I haven't done it yet. But it was like, I mean, because that trip was so great, if I didn't know what Guyana was like, I don't know if I would have up and said yes, which is her thing. But having gone there now, even though I was just there for like a week and a half, yes, I would.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:11

Would you? You haven't so you're on that other side where you haven't been in a long time or ever. I can't remember.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:17

Um in a very like very, very, very long time. Decades.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:20

So with that, from that perspective, would you?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:25

I think if you had asked me that a year ago, it would have been a really easy answer. Um I think I would be more like Intisar in that like it would take a lot of soul searching. Um I don't know that who I am as a whole is. I won't even say appreciated. I won't say accepted either, but like I don't know how who I am, who I love, and all of those things is I don't know what the response to that would be.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:11

I I mean obviously I don't know either.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:14

So that makes it a little more challenging for me. Sure. I think um and I think I would really consider it.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:27

Especially with the way the world is right now, like I feel like that also lends itself to like, yeah, why not? You know?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:33

Yeah, but I'm also kind of like going back to what you said uh earlier about feeling on the outside a lot. Yeah, God, I would just love a moment to be on the inside, you know, just like for a moment.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:49

You know, we talked about it, like it just it just felt like that there, and it felt so good.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:57

To like, and that's why I mean it's what I mean when I say it's more than blood, it's the earth. Yeah, you step on that earth that your ancestors have stepped on, yes, and it hits different.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:09

And everybody looks like you, like they look like you too, and like yeah, they see you, they know, and it's just it's different.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:20

So I and I mean like okay, I didn't even when I went to Costa Rica, Costa Rica's not Guyana, I understand that, but being that much closer, it felt like something. It did. It truly I was like, I could do this.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:40

Because they are similar in the way their communities and their society live. It's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:46

Um so yeah, this the the book was uh hard to read because I think, and I won't say it was telling the truth because I don't know what the truth is. So like I can't speak to that. But There was no um there was no sugar it was just this is the story the good parts the challenging parts and the really scary parts all of it was there you know and um while I appreciated that and it gave me a new perspective uh it had to be done in sessions. Yeah, I get that it was really, really heavy, and again it like it all comes back to like the joy that was there regardless of what was going on. Yeah, it just never and this is the thing, it goes all the way back to trying to dim somebody's light. You can try as you might, but you are never going to extinguish it. Yep, ever. Even in those wild crime stories you're talking about, like you may have put that person out, but all the people around them are still shining their light.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:05

I was like, how did you know what my recommendation was gonna be for that section?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:09

I didn't, but good to know.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:12

Um so give us the name of your book one more time.

Watch List And Reading Recs

SPEAKER_00 1:07:15

Yeah, so uh the book was The Slightest Green by Sahar Mustafa, um, from the author of The Beauty of Your Face. Maybe I'll read that one. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:25

Okay. Well, if you guys read any of these, let us know. Now, do you have any recommendations? Either book, TV shows, movies you've watched recently that you want to share with the with the class?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:39

The general public.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:42

Um, okay. So I got a show. Uh we just started watching it. It's called RJ Decker.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:48

Oh, interesting. I remember that.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:50

It's like a, you know, if you ever watch like NCIS or um CSI, like those crime shows, CSI Miami or like whatever.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:02

Um, it's kind of like that.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:05

Uh and it's just really good. It's it's crime, so they're like, you know, trying to find the bad guys, which is cool, but it's also kind of funny. It's also set in Fort Lauderdale.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:17

Oh, fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:18

We love a Florida show.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:20

Um, other rec that I'm not watching right now, but everybody should watch. If you have never seen Claws, you need to go watch it. Love Claws. Niece Nash. It's set in the same area.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:30

Oh, okay. I've seen trailers for that like years ago. Oh, yeah. On TNT or TBS or something. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:37

But it's really good. Um, so yeah, right now watching RJ Decker. I am currently re-watching. Yes, I said re-watching, Agents of Shield. Because give me all of the superpowers and all the Marvel. Um and then bookwise. I don't think I really have anything book wise, because like I said, this was taking up a lot of. And yeah, I'd love to be better about if I'm reading a heavy book, finding a lighter book to accompany it. Yeah. Um, but I didn't do that, so here we are.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:10

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:11

Yeah, what about you?

SPEAKER_06 1:09:13

Um show wise. Oh, show wise, I recently discovered. I can't remember if I gave this wreck last time, but it's um homicide detectives, and it's a docuseries on Netflix. It is executive produced by Dick Wolf, who does SVU in Law and Order. Um, he it has, I think, three series. There might be four, sorry, three seasons. There might be a new one that's out now, but the first season was based in LA, and then seasons two and three are New York, and then I think New Orleans just came out. And what it is is he interviews detectives and DAs and forensic psychologists that are I think now are tired about the cases that still stay with them. And they're like from the 80s and 90s, and I think there was one from like the early 2000s. Um, but like he, I mean, Stick Wolf, he knows what he's doing. So he does these in like a really interesting style, but they're real stories. So I watched both seasons of New York, and then I'd started to go into one of the seasons of LA, and I was like, nope, this is too dark.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:27

I was gonna say it's wild because you are the type of person that's like, no, that's too sad or that's too dark. I like happy things, and for you to say this is like racking my brain.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:39

Because I love investigations, I think that's what it is. I like the mystery, and like honestly, I have watched a lot of TV or sorry, cop TV shows. Like Brooklyn 99 is on my rotation. That's how what I watched to help me go to sleep because it's just lighthearted and it's fun and it still stands the test of time. But it doesn't actually get into detective work. So listening to what they actually do to solve cases, I was like, damn, y'all do work. Yeah, like that is so interesting. But like, I so I find all of that fascinating, but then it was just starting to weigh on me. I'm like, I get it, everything bad happens to women. We need something light to like palette cleanse, right? And then I switched to XO Kitty, which is a show on Netflix. Okay, it is a spin-off from the To All the Boys I've Loved Before series. You haven't watched that either. Okay, so that's based on a book by Jenny Han, and it was like a very sweet, like lighthearted YA3 like trilogy of movies. And Exo Kitty is the spin-off the little sister got who decided to go to school in Korea to learn more about her mom's side of the family. Okay, so it was very lighthearted, easy breezy, and they're showing you beautiful scenes of Seoul, and then they also go to Busan. And I'm like, God, Korea, South Korea is beautiful. I would love to go there. So, like, that was a nice palette cleanse. So that's what I've watched recently.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:08

Um, I have another show.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:10

Um Real Housewives of Atlanta started again.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:15

You love your housewives.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:17

And for all of you um people that have been listening, if you remember, we read a book by Pinky Cole.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:24

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:25

Um, that was talking about entrepreneurship.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:28

Pinky Cole is a housewife.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:31

That's so cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:33

So that has been really cool to see.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:35

Um, it's still pretty early. I have some opinions. Porsche's on her Porsche again. Okay. Because Porsche can never admit that she did something wild, but like, okay. And then there's this um black country singer, Kay Michelle.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:53

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:55

Um, so it's cool to watch her, and it's funny, you watch her as a new housewife, and she's like, Oh, I am not trying to get in all this mess. And I'm like, just give it a couple episodes, girl.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:04

You'll get there.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:04

You're gonna be in there too.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:06

Yeah, okay, your book.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:07

Um, the two books that I want to recommend are um two that I actually listened to. One of them is 107 Days, that is Kamala Har Kamala Harris's biography, and she reads it. So I listened to it, and it was super interesting, I thought. And then I just finished one called Evie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes. That was also one I listened to, and it's a rom-com, but it's not a cheesy one, which I appreciated. Nice, it was very real. It included somebody getting the therapy that they needed to like overcome their own demons before they tried to pull someone else into it. The other person had already gone to years of therapy, so like they recognized it, and they were like, You gotta deal with that.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:55

You do you.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:56

Uh uh it was very mature and healthy, and I really like it. Okay, yeah, so that was a good one.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:03

Um, okay, now it's time to before we wrap. Do you have any more recommendations?

Summer Break And Cleopatra Next

SPEAKER_06 1:14:09

No, I was just gonna talk about our next book.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:11

So now it's time to say a little thing before we wrap up. So, this next book that we are going to read, after this, we will be taking a little bit of a break, right? Um, and then we will be coming back in September. Yeah. So we're gonna take a break for the summer, and when we come back from September, we love to do like a summer reading list.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:36

So maybe we'll post some of the books that we're reading, we'll talk about whatever. But when we come back, we'll do a fun like, oh, these are the books I read, these are the ones I love, these are the ones that meh, whatever.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:48

Yeah, because while we love doing this, something we've talked about, there are different books we would like to read as well that maybe don't fit for BPR. So, like, we want to give ourselves the freedom to a enjoy a Chicago summer.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:01

Amen.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:02

But to also read some things that maybe wouldn't be BPR books.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:06

Yeah, and then do a little like uh I guess a little uh spring summer cleaning and kind of decide, you know, how we want to. I think there might be a couple of structure changes.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:19

Yeah, we might be revamping revamp.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:20

Yeah, a little, yeah, that's good. A little revamp.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:23

But give us time to find that.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:25

Yes. So we will we are doing one more book. So um for right now, before the summer break. And our next book is Cleopatra, a novel, by nationally best-selling author Sara L Arifi. So I'm really excited. I've already started reading. I really like the way it's written so far, it's super interesting. So if you guys are interested to read a novel about Cleopatra by a woman, check this one out. Sara L Arifi, Cleopatra, a novel.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:56

All right, well, that's gonna wrap it up, and thank y'all so much for listening. We'll talk to you next time.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:02

Bye. Bye.