Tales from the Departure Lounge

#6 Buzz Townsend (What Is Luxury?)

• Andy Plant & Nick Cuthbert • Season 1 • Episode 6

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TFTDL is back again and in this  episode we speak to Buzz Townsend, former PR manager for the Ritz and luxury hotel mystery shopper. Find out about the job you never knew existed and join the world's elite by accessing the most exclusive hotels on the planet. 

Buzz has some great tips on how to make the most out of life as well as the inside track on the hospitality industry. He also knows what to do when a British Prime Minister passes away in your hotel. Don't panic. 

Final boarding call: Seattle, USA

This is episode is sponsored by The PIE Live - interactive, two day events that build knowledge and networks in international education - check out dates and venues at www.thepielive.com

Tales from the Departure Lounge is a Type Nine production for The PIE www.thepienews.com

Nick:

Happy.

Andy:

I dunno. Are you happy?

Nick:

Yes.

We created a whole new genre. It's called ed track.

Nick:

Welcome to Tales from the Departure Lounge. This is a podcast about travel for business, for pleasure, or for study. My name's Nick and I'm joined by my co-pilot, Andy. And together we're gonna be talking to some amazing guests about how travel has transformed their. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the journey. Welcome to the podcast.

Andy:

In this episode, we were joined by Buzz Townsend. He joined us from Sydney, Australia, but when he was based out of London, he had a career in hotels and he had that job that nobody thinks exists. He mystery shopped the best hotels in the world.

Nick:

He was a hotel spy, mystery shopping with these full cover stories, and then revealing his true identity

Andy:

He talks a lot about luxury, didn't he? And it being less about the sort of bling and showiness and actually about the experience that people have.

Nick:

I found the discussion about discretion, really, really interesting, the emotional intelligence of the staff that's what you're really paying for.

Andy:

Just unbelievable places.,

Nick:

We're talking about the top 1% in the world going to these places.

Andy:

he's got some great stories of when things go right and when things definitely don't. The undercover agent of the hospitality industry. Let's get some tales from the Departure Lounge, from Buzz Town's End.

Buzz:

Luxury is a very interesting concept and we could probably talk for hours on really what luxury is cuz it's different things for different people It's one of those jobs which you don't really know exists until you find out about it and I was like, I'll, I've got this great job. I'll take you to Dubai, we'll stay nice hotels, blah, blah, blah, blah. So we get to Dubai, immigration, and I got arrested This is the news headline around the whole world and it's happening, right now to you. And I was like, oh shit.

Nick:

so before we get into the episode, I wanna quickly tell you about the pie live events that are happening around the world after a sold out European conference in London. The next dates will be the 24th and the 25th of July on the Gold Coast Australia, followed by the 13th to the 14th of November in Boston in the United States. These are short, sharp, two-day in-person events where we bring together the best of the sector to discuss global trends in international education, but crucially through a regional. The feedback we always get is about the value in networking and public private connections that are made. This is a leadership conference that gets straight to the heart of the debate. So if you are an aspiring leader looking for professional development, or a CEO or director looking to expand your network, check out the pi live.com. Come with us, come and meet us. We're so excited to be taking these events on tour, and I look forward to meeting you all soon. We've also left some links in the episode notes, so let's get on with the podcast.

Andy:

Mate. Great to have you on the show.

Buzz:

Lovely to be here. Planty, Nick. Absolutely. My pleasure, boys.

Andy:

Right. Let's get straight into it. Where are you taking us today And.

Buzz:

Well, of all the many countries I've been to in the world, which I've tallied up as somewhere between 90 to a hundred, I always keep going back to the USA I just love it on so many levels. But in particular, I love the Pacific Northwest. and I'd narrow it down even closer to Seattle and the area around Seattle. It is vibrant city, cultured city. great music scene, great beer scene, great. Legalized marijuana scene surrounded by stunning water, giant mountains, huge forests, and populated by very friendly, warm, and welcoming people.

Andy:

People keep choosing the USA and I've never been,

Buzz:

do you know, I was, I was thinking about this, like, why, why the USA so much for me, and I realized because my dad was a diplomat and we grew up, in Europe in the eighties and nineties. We used to get. videos sent through the diplomatic bag we'd get VHS cassettes like Red Door and Firefox, Rocky Four, top Gun, the comedies like spies like us and so on. and also in, you know, in these communities, the diplomatic communities, the US diplomats and the US military were always incredibly welcoming and hospitable people. And, I just got indoctrinated with USA Love back then. And then when I was eight we went to Disney World and that was it. If I wasn't indoctrinated before that, I certainly was after that, it was like, see it onto my brain. It always just feels like you're in the movies there.

Nick:

So are you going up to Seattle to inspect hotels or for another.

Buzz:

I have been up for hotels, but, I've always loved it up there. I first went to the Pacific Northwest for about 2003. That was to Oregon, to Portland and that's a very cool little city. I kind of loved it. Then it was all dive bars and everyone looked a bit like they were from the Wonder Years. I did go up there for hotel work, and it was on one of those trips my mate was having a full blown midlife crisis and I just said do you know what? You should just move to Seattle. It's amazing up here. And sure enough he did and he said he is lived up there now probably six years, maybe, something like that. Whenever I'm in the States, I, I go to go see him. So it is a mixture of being just a magical place that I love and one of my absolute best mates lives there.

Nick:

I've been up there and it's an English climate, isn't it? quite a lot of rain, quite a lot of forest. And they had all of this Japanese garbage that was just washing up on the shore.

Buzz:

It is a different place. The people are different. I'd say they're less brash maybe than other parts, of the state. I love a bit of cold weather as well, the climate is certainly unique and I think what's interesting about it is it's the biggest porters, you know, on the West coast and it's one of the biggest trading partners with East Asia. It is a fascinating spot and it's quite a liberal place as well, I'm an advocate of legalizing marijuana, so I fully support everything that they do up there in that respect as well. So it's just a good spot

Andy:

so Buzz, You had the job that nobody believed anyone could have. You called the world going to the most luxurious hotels and mystery shopping them. I used to tell people about it and they would just say what I'd say. Yeah, he'd fly off and stay in the hotel and he has to have the cocktail, he has to have the massage, he has to have the room service, and, only works like 10 days a month. And, uh, and he hates it. they,

Buzz:

Someone's got, someone's gotta do it. Planty.

Andy:

They couldn't, they couldn't believe it.

Nick:

Just describe your job. Tell me what it is you actually do.

Buzz:

I stopped about five months ago. But I did the job for about 12 years. It's one of those jobs which you don't really know exists until you find out about it

Andy:

I

Buzz:

and it's not advertised. And so what you are basically doing is you are, Auditing the service quality and product quality and the emotional intelligence of the employees that you meet along a guest journey. And I wouldn't say it's a standard guest journey cuz, we don't stay there for a long period of time and we prob probably use more facilities than the average guest cuz you're gonna gotta get through everything and, and check it all out. But you are assessing these hotels based on international service benchmarking standards and the hotel or the hotel company's own brand standards. They're like differentiators and then emotional intelligence standards, which are kind of based on, gorman's EQ models so it's a lot of work. It's partly empirical. You're ticking boxes. Yes. No, not applicable to get a percentage score. Then you're writing the narrative of that percentage score. Then when all is said and done hopefully you haven't cottoned on to who you are. And then, you check out and give your business card and you said, like, to speak to the management. And then you sit down and you chat through your experience. And the idea is that you are helping them find opportunity for improvement, in their business.

Nick:

So hang on. You go and stay. you take part in every service of the hotel, you audit it. Then you go and check out and ask to see the management, and then tell them what's good and bad about the hotel

Buzz:

Yeah. So

Nick:

them expecting you coming.

Buzz:

Sometimes you stick out like a sore thumb and then it's just very obvious because you know they're contracted, right? They know they're going to get an audit once a year, whatever it might be. And some places the culture is find the guy, stick to them like glue and, bombard them with service to the point that it's stifling. But you meet the standards, so you get high score,, or other places, you go and, you just don't fit the bill. You're not rich enough. You're not staying long enough. like you go for a couple of nights to a resort in the Malis. Nobody goes to Maldives for a couple of nights, right? All of us who did the job, we all came from a hotel background, you had to so that you could be fair in what you are auditing, and have an understanding of the operational stress that was leading to a certain experience.

Andy:

How did you avoid getting spotted?

Buzz:

One of my colleagues, he really got into disguises and props. He loved a prop and I remember him, he, uh, came to the Mals, he back to Mals. A tough place to go as a single traveler. Right. He set up a, a fake website that he was a singer in the uk. And I think he had a friend who was an agent or something, or, and or who worked in management and got her to like, book the room for him. He's sort of musing. He's creating his new album. So he showed up with flowing linen and a Rapish hat and, and his guitar, he brought, brought a guitar with him. and he was like, yeah. So he was like, what? He was like, what I did, he's like, I, I'd get up at weird times. I'd get up at like five in the morning and I'd just go and sit on the, there was like this spit coming out from the, the beach. It's like, I'd just go, I'd go sit there and I'd, I'd just strum the guitar and like, act like I was write, writing down song their ex and that being inspired and stuff. And he got away with it. Totally got away with it. Uh, it was absolutely awesome. They were completely shot, but he was really all in. He would take architects, plants in like these big tubes, you know, they'd come in and like, have hard hats. So he'd like show up at the desk in a hard hat with this like, bundle of architects tubes to check in. So I could, I never had the nerve to, to, to do that.

Nick:

You've got this big elaborate lie, the backstory, and then you are suddenly revealing no. I've been here to, audit your hotel

Buzz:

yeah, sometimes when they hadn't got you, they would, be this sort of awkwardness and they'd be looking at the card and they'd be looking at you and it just, it just wouldn't connect. And you'd be standing there waiting. Then slowly you'd start to see like the gears turn, and then suddenly around you would become like this harm of activity. And then like the machine switches on and everybody suddenly like clicks their heels and snaps to it. The management come out, all the management come out and, um, and suddenly you're like, yeah, yeah, okay, now, now that's it.

Nick:

How many hotels are you visiting in a year?

Buzz:

I don't know, five a month, give or take 60 hotels a year, something like that.

Andy:

Our listeners might be interested in what is the most audacious luxury you've witnessed on your travels?

Buzz:

Luxury is a very interesting concept and we could probably talk for hours on really what luxury is cuz it's different things for different people. Probably when we were younger it was a giant bed in Egyptian sheets and a beach when you open the around the doors. But now when you're a parent, it's like, God, two hours to read the paper without being harassed is luxury. Right? So it's, it's, it's definitely a concept that's open to interpretation. But there's just a spectacular hotel in Kochek called Lizelle. Terrible pronunciation there. Your French audience, they just still spat out they're coffee here in that one. Um, but it's an amazing hotel right on the, at the top of Kochek. Done in a grand she style one of those places where I stood out like a sore thumb got me as soon as I walked in the door. And, uh, outrageous cost. For a double room it's two and a half thousand euros a night, that's the standard room, right? So anyway, I did my audit there and this place is absolutely just off the chain. Brilliant. For parents and children alike. It's amazing two story indoor soft play fought with arcades and games and like for kids and then they take kids off, Hiking in the forest and snowman making and give them hot chocolate while their parents go off skiing. It's absolutely just dreamy. Anyway I did the order when we did the feedback with the management and he had mentioned the penthouse and he was, do you want to come and see the penthouse? And I was like, sure. And, it was up in the top, under the eaves. In the chalet. It was three bedroom penthouse, this massive terrace that looks out over all the piece of kok and just beautifully appointed, that sensorial thing, like the tactile nature of just the furnishings. Everything was so well done. And we were talking, and I was like, how much is this a night? And he's like, well at the moment the season of rate is 40,000 euros. And he goes, we can't really, hang around here much longer. Some guests are coming. I said, how long are they staying for? Is that they're here for with us for a couple of weeks? that's an expensive holiday. And then anyway, he was saying, we're gonna go pick them up from Alta Port. It's like, you know, five minute driveway. But their luggage is coming from Geneva and there's so much luggage. There was not an aircraft to land alta port cause the length of the runway so the people were arrive on a plane and their luggage was coming in three minivans from Geneva. And, and that had been checked on a conventional flight. So, I mean, that's a lot of luggage, uh, at 40 grand a night in this suite. And, that's even before you bought your lift pass or anything like that. So just another level mate. Absolutely. Another level stuff. Yeah. The thing is when you see it and you talk to people who operate businesses at that level, you come to understand there's no shortage of incredibly wealthy people in the world. and, um, and I, and, it's contextual and uh, and it's of relevance. Like if you've got the money I don't care about the cost. I just want to be there at that time and let's just make that happen.

Andy:

If you've got billions, what's a couple of million for your summer holiday?

Buzz:

That's it, man. That's it. You know, you're blessed in the uk there's so many like majestic hotels. The Ritz you have Claridges, you've got the Connet, Manon, Oriental Lanesborough, like Dorchester, and these are incredible institutions they've had everybody famous walk through their doors and I think that's the allure of hotels as people know that. There's probably someone famous there. There's probably someone incredibly wealthy there. King. So-and-so sat there and this famous film was filmed there, and you can for a moment sit and, and just brush against history. And that's the charm I think the alert for a lot of people, It's an experience and that's where like it comes to a luxury is like anyone can go on holiday. you can go to like one city and spend a hundred pounds a night. You can go a couple of streets away and spend a thousand pounds a night. And you know, what's the justification for that? And I would always say that it's gonna be, the experience is you are going to get, if they do it right, you're gonna get a better cultural insight, sense of place and memorable experience with the luxury proposition.

Andy:

You were in PR at the Ritz Wint, you buds, tell us about your first week.

Buzz:

So I was, PR manager when Baron Thatcher died at the hotel. Sky News knew about it before we knew about it, she was convalescing, she had had surgery for several cancers and unfortunately she passed away at the hotel and at about eight 30 in the morning I saw it online and sky News had broken it because somebody in. Barras NA's party had, blown the whistle and told screen years, and so they got the jump on us. And then that was it the world's media arrived hoards at the gate, 3, 4, 5. People sit more and more just coming and photos and cameras and yelling and barking. This is the news headline around the whole world and it's happening, right now to you. And I was like, oh shit. But in fairness, we handled it really bloody well. and, um, we're proud of it. Cuz I think, a cornerstone of hotels and hospitality in general is discretion, that's another reason people, pay for it, is you doesn't matter who somebody is in your building. If they're staying with you, yeah, you are guest, right? So you, you take care of'em, you protect their privacy, you protect them effectively. And that just kicked in for everybody in the hotel and it was total verbal lockdown, when I went to the Ritz, you just didn't wanna bugger it up. It was like 115 years of reputation, right? You don't wanna be the person who comes in and just gets it all wrong. I was there in the corridor when the gurney came down from the room with the body bag on it and, was put into this private ambulance and, and was taken away. It didn't stop there, it just went for days and days after. And I was getting phone calls from the editor of the Daily Mail I'm about to spend a lot of money on some photos. We think it might be the last photo of her alive. And I was like, right, what is the photo that is, it's an old woman at a table having tea. And I said, look guys, I think it's utterly worthless. A few people got invited to the funeral. So I, went to her funeral at St. Paul's. And people talk about the 1%, right? There's 1% that run the world, whatever. And then I went to that funeral and that was it. You're there and it's like all the ex-prime ministers are walking past you, heads of the military, heads of banks,? And suddenly you're like, yeah, okay, these two 50 people pretty much either own or run this country. And it was a just fascinating, absolutely fascinating insight to, to what? A little minion I was

Andy:

So the next section is called any laptops, liquids, or sharp objects. What do you need to take with you when you travel, bud?

Buzz:

This is very specific, but I like a white. of vans slip on shoes. And the reason being is you can dress'em up or dress'em down. They pack small and, I've got giant feet, but the main reason why is despite all this place, I used to travel and nice places used to stay. We used to fly economy the most part, flying economy is that whole marginal gains thing. Any little bit of comfort you can get, a neck pillow upgrade, an eye mask, upgrade seat, whatever. But for me, the big one is I have to take my shoes off, get on, take my shoes off, get comfy, especially on like a long wolf flight At some point you're gonna need to go to the bathroom that is not water on the bathroom floor, on an airplane that is some sort of. broth, maybe a cold broth, right? If, if if there's three to 400 people on the plane, by the time you're five hours in at least a hundred butts of, into that toilet at least, right? So there is undoubtedly fecal matter that it's there. And if it's on your socks, your whole flight, I'd be sitting again, my socks a bit wet and it's, it's, it was from the toilet and I just would be so incredibly uncomfortable and was this is, from experience that this has happened. So I'm like, right. So now I need a pair of shoes that I can take off easily, but put on easily, so at least when I go to the toilet, I'm avoiding that situation. So, so that is definitely like a given, easy on and off footwear, um, essential for travel. Essential.

Nick:

I'm, as I'm assuming, you want for nothing, you're going to these hotels. The whole idea is you say, I forgot my toothbrush. is there a checkbox that says, they give you a free toothbrush?

Buzz:

funnily enough, it's not specific checkbox, but you do need to test things for that. But that would be more where you'd be testing somebody's empathy, cuz you wouldn't necessarily ask directly, can I have a toothbrush? But you might say in passing, oh, you know, and I've got my toothbrush as well. And if they're being attentive and empathetic, they'll be like, ah, you forgot his toothbrush. And then when the conversation ends, you get on the phone to housekeeping, deliver a toothbrush to room 52, and then you get back to your room and there's a toothbrush raining for you. That is a moment of delight. And that is, the level, luxury hotels strive to, to, to get to is, is just a, a seamless life experience.

Andy:

And if you've been spotted, I guess a toothbrush turns up on a pillow. It's gold. It's gold. Plated comes with

Buzz:

Yeah. With a toothbrush to clean the toothbrush. Yeah. And it's just and somebody offering to brush your, a dentist from down the road. We that, we just got this dentist and he's gonna give you a full mouth check as well.

Nick:

Have you been watching White Lotus?

Buzz:

I haven't seen the second season. I've seen the, I saw the first season. I loved it. And interestingly, fun fact, that was filmed, at the Four Seasons in Maui. and the first season. And, that was the last hotel I audited before the Covid pandemic started. It's the greatest, terrific hotel. And I love that series and I love, the guy who plays at the hotel manager. I thought he was just outstanding,

Nick:

Yeah. It's a fantastic series. And, the second series is even better. It's so dark. It's fantastic.

Buzz:

The second season I know is filmed in predominantly Sicily, I think, and it's really worth going to the Grand Hotel tomato for a night. It has this terrace that you are just looking at over the bay and has a beautiful bar and rush up there and lemon trees and remember having a gin and tonic. And then the guy like went and took the lemon off the tree and snapped it off and they cut it up fresh and, and this, and then you're, and you're there and you're looking at over the bay and the backdrop in the other side is Mount Etna. And you're just like, this is god damn spectacular.

Andy:

Lots of people out there hating you right now, bud.

Buzz:

I don't think the hotel companies are, I'm really big up a lot of hotels here. Let's just giving them money. I'm like, go spend your money there. These are great places.

Andy:

We'll be seeking them out for sponsorship. Don't worry,

Buzz:

Yeah. And I need some more vans, so if you can seek out vans for some more slip on, anti poo slippers, I'd be down for that too.

Nick:

You might get some hand gel for your feet if you're

Buzz:

voice that. Not a thing. Your feet get dirty. Yeah.

Andy:

The next section of the podcast is called What's the Purpose of Your Visit? And really we wanna know maybe a moment where you felt transformed by travel.

Buzz:

I have basically traveled most of my life, I just, I, I'm fascinated by people and places and I think travels. I mean, it's not free, you pay a lot for it, especially nowadays, but it, it's a good value education and, um, If for no other reason, then it kind of, I feel it makes you a better human. Like, you, you have a greater connection with humanity. You kind of understand a bit more that the human experience is pretty universal. Um, and I think as a result of it, you become more empathetic and a bit more humble.

Nick:

He says as he stays in privileged hotels,

Buzz:

know. I know. I was thinking at the back of my head, I was like, am I gonna get caught out on this? I said, I don't think they're gonna say it. They're

Andy:

You, you get me another fucking

Buzz:

yeah.

Nick:

yeah.

Buzz:

Yeah. It makes you humble as you go up down champagne looking at the, uh, Taj Mahal. Uh, yeah, why not

Nick:

That's a lovely purpose. Now let's get back to those rich people stories.

Buzz:

Yeah, exactly. We, we, we, we are talking about lobster. Um, yeah, I am actually at my happiest in a tent in the, in the mountains somewhere or in the wilderness somewhere. Being able to wear clothes because they're just practical and you don't need to wash or change for three days because that's impractical. It's just a it's a nice, like, slightly free way of living, which I, which I quite like,

Nick:

Let my people Go Surfing by, by the founder of Patagonia, you know, the clothing brand.

Buzz:

Yeah. Eve something, or rather is his name. Yeah. He's a fascinating guy.

Nick:

That encapsulates that idea of, having possessions because they have a purpose, and putting your purpose first. And almost being a very reluctant businessman because he was trying to do the opposite. And it ended up being very popular.

Buzz:

So Patagonia is, is a brand that generally buy their gear. Cuz also they, they fix it as well. So, you know, that's a lot about their eco credential. But then that brings you around to the, the hotel and the travel and, and that side of things is if you're looking for an experience, whilst it might cost more this something to be said, for having that better experience, that, that quality, you know. It's a high quality proposition and if you buy into it or if you're able to buy into it, if you buy into it, you will have, you know, a better product. You will experience a better product.

Nick:

If you're gonna give a few tips to people to get the most out of their hotel experience, I'm the sort of person that never asks for upgrades. If someone puts cellophane in my dinner, I, I apologize, that kind of thing. So give me some tips for getting the most out of my hotel experience.

Andy:

To be a luxury hotel inspector. I think.

Nick:

yes.

Buzz:

that's a good one. You know, I might have some more business cards lying around, you could use, um, I think a big one is everybody looks at price, right? So if you look at the same hotel on let's say booking.com, Expedia, any of the O Online travel agents, same room, same hotel, there's a cheaper, right? So you are gonna book it based on price. But OTAs take a lot of that money from the hotel. And the hotel wanna win that money back. So you should phone the hotel and book directly and just say, look, I've seen my booking, booking.com, they're gonna take some money from you. Let's not do that. Can I book directly with you? and most hotels want to take great care of you. And then when you arrive at the hotel, they know that you've booked directly. When you're working in a hotel, you have a guest list. Everybody arrive that day. We know who you are, where you're coming from, how you've booked. and if you book directly and you book at a certain rate or rate code you just get pushed up the list and um, you'll be greatly valued. So I think that's a good one, is book direct on face value. It's more expensive, but I honestly think that nine times out of 10, you'll be taken care of better.

Nick:

And liberal tipping helps.

Buzz:

The best advice somebody told me once is tip at the start of a meal when you first go to the bar. Front up at the bar, let's get a bartender. Here's five quid, 10 quid view, whatever. I'm gonna be propping up the bar for next few drinks and I'll have that. And, and then they know what they're in for, right? what's the incentive for them to take even better care of you on the hope that maybe they might get a tip, but No, give tip'em up front.

Andy:

I think in Japan, it it's, um, sort of mortally offensive to try and tip somebody. I'm being paid to do this role. I'm doing it as well as I can. Don't offend me by trying

Buzz:

it's my priv my privilege to look after you.

Andy:

Yeah.

Buzz:

I do think it's important as customers to be discerning as well. Vote with your feet, get people to raise the bar, you know, demand more.

We do always traveling, buzz. You must've come into some sticky situations.

Buzz:

There are, dangers even traveling in luxury travel as well. you know, I have been locked up overseas. that was absolutely terrifying. Completely, absolutely terrifying, getting arrested in Dubai. I had lived in the Emirates for a couple of years. When I left, I like shut my bank accounts. And it transpired that I hadn't. For two years this credit card bill, which I didn't know about, was accruing. And I landed in Dubai, this is with my now wife, um, quite a new girlfriend at the time. And I was like, I'll, I've got this great job. I'll take you to Dubai, we'll stay nice hotels, blah, blah, blah, blah. So we get to Dubai, immigration, and I got arrested and she got let through a and I got detained They took me to this room and I go in and the door shuts and, and I realize there's no door handle. And I was like, oh, this is a cell. One that you couldn't get out of and where nobody could hear you or see you. And then after a few hours, the guys come and pick me up and then I write, we're gonna take you to like general population now. I was like, oh geez, this is really escalated. I have no idea when my girlfriend is, she's somewhere wondering where the hell I am, what's going on. And These guys come, they put me in this, paddy wagon and, they drive me off to this jail and we stop halfway there. And they're like, do you smoke? And I was like, yeah, yeah, sure. I smoke. Yeah. And they're like, let's have a cigarette. I was like, great, let's have a cigarette. So we like stop on the middle of this highway into Dubai. I'm just standing out there with these two coppers having a cigarette. And I'm like, oh my friend, don't worry, don't worry. Everything's okay. I said, I'm sure. Are you sure? Cause I'm like, doesn't seem like I'm okay. This is not the limo from the hotel I was expecting. This is, this is an altogether different vehicle. and anyway, take me to the, the jail. It's on a Thursday, which of course, back then, was the Islamic Friday. And they were gonna, probably put me into proper general population and be like, look, we don't really work on weekends, you just have to spend a couple of nights in the slammer. And then, we'll sort it out on, on Sunday, Monday. I said, oh. And they like, do you know anybody in Dubai? And I'd a ma of mine who lived there and I was like, bro, you gotta help me out man. And uh, shut off. I'm sitting there and the clock is ticking and I think it was like I had it till 5:00 PM and then suddenly like it's all this clattering and banging around and, and this guy comes down and like all the regalia, all this braids, it's like amazing bright red bet or something. And it's like, you come with me, okay. And if we walk up into his office, and my friend Mara too, is a guy came to get me out. opens the door and my friend Mora's there and he is got his feet up in like the police commissioner desk, like smoking a cigarette and he's at bars and the guy goes, your friend Mora is my friend Mora. And it turns out that they were best mates and members of the same car club in Dubai. And this guy is like, oh yeah, of course we'll get him out. No problem bro. Why don't you tell me? And then we sat in this police commissioners, office chain, smoking cigarettes and having coffee for an hour, about an hour talking about Toyotas, cuz they were in like some Toyota club. And uh, and then I was that and I managed to like get you know, surfed out and, and family girlfriend and would've been about 12 hours and 400 cigarettes later.

Nick:

and was your girlfriend, at the embassy trying to get you out, or was she by the pool?

Buzz:

I basically said, go to the hotel. and just stay there don't do anything else. in so much as it was possible after my shocker of getting arrested on arrival, um, I wanted to make her holiday as nice as possible. So I was like, you go put your feet up. I'll worry about the incarceration

Nick:

There was this great program in the UK on a Sunday night called Banged Up Abroad, which was like, it was like a documentary about people getting, imprisoned in horrible places.

Buzz:

As the clock was ticking towards five o'clock, it got progressively more real and honestly, I was absolutely breaking it. I'm not gonna lie, I was absolutely breaking it I was so, so fortunate to have my mate there. It's just very, indicative, I think of that part of the world sometimes. It's like you're one step away from, end of liberty and another step away from friends for life. It's a fine line to walk.

Andy:

the final section of the episode, is called Anything to Declare. It's essentially a free space where you can give us a sales pitch or you can leave some traveler's wisdom.

Buzz:

I'm not gonna sell anything. I don't have much to sell I experienced, some personal hardship in life recently, and what I've started to do is give blood, it's not something revelatory. It's been going on for decades, but it's, it's a new thing for me and, um, it's something you can do very easily. Afterwards they take you into this room as like basically a trough of sweet and salty food you can just go to town on. I used to give a pint of blood and then you can eat as many digesters as you want. It's a very simple way of doing something that's incredibly invaluable.

Nick:

my wife gives blood just to get away from us just to have a, have a cup of tea and a kit

Buzz:

Well, you know, there's another good reason to cup of tea and a kit cat and a bit of peace and quiet. I mean, that's a holiday. That is a mini, that's a mini break she's

Nick:

There you go.

Buzz:

and all it costs is that pint of blood. How many times do you walk the same route home, go to a different street, go to a different town. How many times have you lived in a city and not really seen the city that you live in? There's great experiences out there, which if you don't have the budget to, hop on a plane and stay in a hotel, et cetera, there's still great experiences. It doesn't need to be a dramatic experience. You traveling, it's literally just a different walk home or a breakup in your daily routine. And in so doing, you will open your mind that little bit more. You will see something you wouldn't otherwise have seen.

Andy:

Perfect. Thanks very much for coming on to Tellson the Departure Lounge.

Buzz:

Thanks boys. Absolutely pleasure to talk to you, so my love to Blighty, it's a country very dear to my heart. And, wish everybody over there all the best.

Nick:

hello everyone. Thank you so much for listening. If you wanna listen to more episodes, you can find them at Tales from the departure lounge.com.

If you want to sponsor an episode, that's now possible as well. So just get in touch and we can see what we can do. We're also having lots of fun with the frequent flyers club. Where we hear your stories, that you can send into sick bag@talesfromthedeparturelounge.com.

Nick:

Tales from the Departure Lounge is a type nine production for the pie.

People on this episode

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Andy Plant

Host
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Nick Cuthbert

Host