Overcoming the Odds: Navigating the Challenges of Roofing and Addiction with Corey and Ty

Imagine facing the biting cold of winter, up on a roof, managing the gutter installation and siding. That's the reality in the roofing industry. Join us as we, Corey and Ty, expose the challenges and adjustments needed to keep the job going even in the chilliest months. We'll also introduce an innovative solution from Austin Tic Tacaroofer - a snow grip product that is changing the game in commercial multi-family projects. All these while underscoring the importance of having a team of skilled professionals who uphold quality and integrity in every task.

Have you ever wondered what a simple life in a third-world country could teach you about wealth and happiness? We're about to share some profound insights that transformed how we view our lives. Our journey to a different continent was both eye-opening and humbling, showing us a resilient community where resourcefulness thrives amidst scarcity. Hear Corey's story about his path to sobriety and how this experience reshaped his understanding of true wealth and happiness. 

We're breaking down barriers and tackling a sensitive topic - addiction. Hear Corey's brave account of his struggle with alcoholism, his relapses, and his road to recovery. It's a story of humility and gratitude, of spiritual awakening, and a realization that addiction is not just about abstinence. We delve into the controversial use of weed in recovery and its implications. This episode is a testament to the ongoing battle against addiction, but more importantly, it's a beacon of hope for those seeking recovery. Join us in this powerful exploration as we underscore the importance of empathy, self-awareness, and community support in overcoming life's most significant battles.

https://www.321gutterdone.com

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https://www.facebook.com/tc.backer

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:56

Welcome to the successful life podcast. I'm your host, Corey Barrier, and I'm here with my man, Ty Bakker. What's up, Ty?

Speaker 2: 1:02

Not too much, brother. How the hell are you doing on this Friday morning?

Speaker 1: 1:06

I'm doing great. Weather is nice and cool outside. It's, you know, not optimal, optimal weather for for heating and air people, but for roofers still good weather.

Speaker 2: 1:16

Oh yeah, absolutely Great, perfect briefing season right now.

Speaker 1: 1:19

Yeah. So I guess you guys do, you know you're, you're in PA, but you've got several locations you have Are there, are there, See? I mean I guess there are seasons to a degree, but does it affect? Does it affect the roofing industry as much as it would Like? You know? If it's, you know, 70 degrees outside, your air condition probably not going to break, Right? So yeah, what kind of seasonality issues you guys deal with?

Speaker 2: 1:47

You know that's a great question because a lot of us up north, our main headquarters is up in, you know, south Central Pennsylvania and there's probably a couple of weeks out of the year you know the weather it's December, february, january where it's all but impossible to roof. But we typically roof all season, all season long. It really depends on the situation how cold it is, is it warming up, is the sun out. But I do know a lot of northern state roofing contractors. You know they kind of closed down shop. But we also do a lot of new construction and when your home's being built we can't wait till spring to put your roof on.

Speaker 2: 2:24

So we really don't have a season, at least for us, and I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with that, but but we've done it for decades. So there's things that you can do to make sure that the roof is being installed with integrity, that it's going to hold up, that your weather, it be your compressors are turned down. How many guns are on that compressor? We even have it. You know systems and processes put in place where your lines won't freeze and and that's that's really. You just got to go over and beyond. It takes a little bit longer, but but we get it done.

Speaker 1: 2:56

Well, I guess to like you, clearly, your business plans for these air quote seasons to where you don't really feel the season.

Speaker 2: 3:07

No, not really. I mean, we have things, you know, if anything, we get bad weather, we're out shoveling roofs off, for the guys are still working. We get a lot of ice damming up here, so we got to go out and correct that stuff. So we do a lot of repairs when it comes to the retail aspect of things, or damage, storm damage, Gutters we do gutters, you know. We do windows, we do siding. So all of these things as well you can do all winter long, especially windows and siding and stuff like that. There may be certain days we may not want to open your home up to the elements, but but we just we we you know schedule around those things and and we get in and we get out. We don't we don't usually mess around. We got a team of skilled, trained professionals that will come into your house and and treat your home as if it's our own home.

Speaker 1: 3:47

Yeah, Now do you also? Do you also work with commercial?

Speaker 2: 3:50

as well. We do dabble with commercial, usually more so along the lines of like multi family, we'll get into like light commercial. You know schools and hospitals, but nothing huge where you know you know 10,000 square, you know flat rooms and stuff like that, typically multi family commercial buildings.

Speaker 1: 4:10

OK, yeah, that makes sense. Usually, yeah, I mean a lot of times we'll find people that do straddle the line. It's almost like they can't make up their mind which way they want to go and they sometimes fall behind because of being in two, two places. Trying to be in two places, 100 percent of the time is impossible.

Speaker 2: 4:31

For sure, for sure, and I can, I can relate to that because we we started to lean into the commercial aspect of things and we probably could lean into. But we know residential, you know construction, is our forte, and that's just. We're good at it and that's where we seem to excel.

Speaker 1: 4:48

Well, yeah that makes sense. So you know, I'm sure you know Austin, austin Tic.

Speaker 2: 4:56

Tacaroofer Austin. Oh yeah, great great guy, great kid yeah.

Speaker 1: 5:00

So what do you think about? You know I've had a bunch of conversations with him about his snow grip product.

Speaker 2: 5:08

You familiar with that? I am. I am never used it yet, but but yeah, I'm familiar with it.

Speaker 1: 5:13

So why would somebody, especially up north, where you are, where there is a lot of ice and snow, why would somebody not use that? Or why would a company not be interested? I'm just curious. It seems like it makes sense to me, but I'm also not up north and yeah, yeah, that's a great question.

Speaker 2: 5:31

I think, maybe because it's a newer product, until it's out in the market a little bit longer and it's been tried and I think it's a great product. We haven't used it yet, but I trust Austin. I believe in the products that he's selling or promoting, you know, and that's really anything, just because of the type of person he is and that he's using it himself. But I think, you know, just like any new product that comes out, it takes a minute before it gains traction.

Speaker 1: 5:57

Yeah, yeah, I can see it being. I can see especially for commercial. Like you think somewhere like New York City has got massive buildings, I would imagine that ice falls off those buildings.

Speaker 2: 6:11

I would imagine, so too it's something I would think yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:15

So I just thought I thought I'd ask you that because I had a recent conversation with them about it and it makes sense to me, so tell me a little bit. So behind the tool belt is your podcast. It is.

Speaker 2: 6:27

And.

Speaker 1: 6:27

I was going to do in that.

Speaker 2: 6:29

We're coming up on four years. We're actually coming up on episode 200 in about two weeks, but we've done so many more than that, but consistently, every single Wednesday for almost four years now we've done it, have not missed an episode. Dude, that's awesome. Thank you for asking and, by the way, before I forget, thank you for inviting me on your show, man. It's an honor and a pleasure to thank you so much 100% dude.

Speaker 1: 6:51

Look, I think you know I've watched you for a little while now and I really enjoy the stuff that you put out. And you know, I certainly am going to ask you about, you know, your trip that you just took, but I watched you guys while you were over there. I watched the live. Is that the same live? I guess, as we were talking about that was the podcast, that the live wouldn't it?

Speaker 2: 7:17

be. Hunter, dylan and JP came in. Yes, that was the trip. Oh, my goodness, what a life changing experience for me, and let alone just the uncomfortability of being over there right, being in a different continent. You know, the 40 hour flight time being around all those people and then watching and learning from them. I mean, unfortunately, or fortunately, I think we've taken more from that experience than what we brought to the table, because we went over there with a purpose. We went over there, you know, for a mission and on a crusade, and I feel like we've made a great impact. We were still in touch with a lot of them and we got to speak at a business, like a business conference over there with those people. We got to share our experience, strengthen hope and motivate them and give them some ideas outside the box and let them know that you don't need I think a lot of them think that you need money to start a business and that's not the case. It's more of a mindset, and how hunger you are and what resources are at your fingertips, right and touching on resources, it's amazing how resourceful they are on the limited amount of resources that are available to them over there and the humility and the happiness that they are and the community that they have over there is amazing.

Speaker 2: 8:43

But for me personally like I came home with a totally different energy and I'm about half a germaphobe and this goes long back before COVID hit or anything like that I've just always been real conscious and aware of things I touch, or somebody's sweaty palm and stuff kind of grosses me out or whatever the case might be. But for me to step outside and I've gotten comfortable stepping outside my comfort zone, but this was next level uncomfortability for me because we stayed at probably one of the nicer places there and it was super nice. But if I had to compare it to something back home, it was like second world class, if that makes sense, because we were in a third world. So it was probably like a Motel 8 or Super 6 or whatever the hell Motel here compared to there. I mean we had rat shit the size of tic-tacs in our bathroom right and then mud coming out of the faucet and things like that kind of wig me out, because I'm all about fresh water and things that I take for granted, sure, and don't even think about, like clean drinking water.

Speaker 2: 9:51

These people don't have indoor plumbing, let alone outdoor plumbing, there's no trash pickup, so trash in the streets. The streets are mud. Now don't get me wrong. If you go into a city they have black top, they have concrete and stuff like that, but the majority of the country live in homemade brick, like literally they're making the bricks for their home out of mud in there from their front yard with a metal lean to shed roof on top of it, with no windows, no doors, just totally different lifestyle than I ever imagined. Yes, I read books, yes, I watched TV, but to actually witness and experience and live amongst them for almost 10 days, I think we were over there nine, 10, eight days that we were over there with them. It was very uncomfortable, but what it had done for me was is, when I got home, my first world issues no longer seem like first world fancy problems anymore, bro.

Speaker 1: 10:48

I bet and by the way, I didn't mean to dismiss you thinking me. Sometimes I'll take compliments for that. Sometimes I don't receive when people are trying to be nice, so hopefully I didn't just completely. I appreciate you saying. That's all I'm trying to say yeah, no problem. After you were talking I'm like damn, I don't even know if I recognize him saying that. Anyway, so you, friend of bills.

Speaker 2: 11:17

I am. I know Bill very well.

Speaker 1: 11:20

Is that something we can get into?

Speaker 2: 11:22

Sure, I'm not scared.

Speaker 1: 11:24

Okay, yeah, I'm not scared. I did not realize that actually I did not. Oh, really, I had no idea. So how long has it been since you had a dream?

Speaker 2: 11:37

Over 13 years.

Speaker 1: 11:38

Over 13 years. Wow, sure, what was the thing that? What was life like when you decided you had to make a change?

Speaker 2: 11:48

Man. I think, like most of us, I think it was definitely unmanageable. I had lost a lot, a lot of things in my life, whether it was respect, whether it was trust not just the monetary things, but like lost my dignity and I lost myself. I became a different person at that juncture of my life and I remember that last drink, like it was last week, and the one thing that sticks with me the most is don't forget where you come from, bum, and that I think that's what has kept me motivated and I think that's what separates me personally from most entrepreneurs, because I'm callous and my threshold for pain is much greater than most people. And I think that becomes an unfair advantage for those of us that are sober, because you can't put me through anything worse than what I've already put myself through, like I can't put myself in a situation any worse, as long as I stay sober, than I did back in those days and I think that's really helped me become such a great leader empathy, open-mindedness in the willingness to step outside my comfort zone and push myself. Because, first and foremost, I feel like I got to make up for lost time and I'm an instant gratification kind of guy, like I need it right here, right now. This whole delayed gratification thing, man, you can throw that shit out the window, don't get me wrong. Obviously I've worked out. I'm into the delayed gratification. I've learned to balance those two, but I want it right here, right now. And I'm just like anyone else. I got that God-shaped void right that I'm trying to fill up with the fast cars, the fast money, the women and all that stuff. And I lived that life before right. And today I'm full. I consider myself the wealthiest man that walks the earth, and I don't say that because of the money, right. The money comes and goes. I've burned it down, I've built it up, I smoked it. I've burned it down and I've built it back up again. I know what it's like to not have money, to have money, to lose the money and then build it back up right. And looking over my track record in my career, the one thing that I got twisted I put the car before the horse, right. I always made it about me right. Everything was about me right. I never made it about anybody else. And I think anything that I have ever put in the front of my recovery I had lost right If I put anything else in front of it and anytime that I've ever put anything in front of it, it was removed from me. Right, and none of this is mine and I feel like I'm on borrowed time. Right, like I've been given that extended warranty. You know how the phone rings all the time and it says people are trying to sell you that extended warranty. Well, I've been given that extended warranty. So I have a decision today what am I going to do with that extended warranty? Am I going to piss it away or am I going to look at it as if that there was a reason why someone has chosen to keep me here and give me this extended warranty? Right, and don't take that for granted.

Speaker 2: 15:12

And I believe that I've been put here for a higher purpose to impact people's lives. You know anything and anyone, and touching on, like we were talking about, the roofing industry kind of gets a bad rap, right? Well, that's one of many things that I want to have a huge impact on. Right Is the roofing industry, and it's like I really don't even want to talk about it. I just want to show you the type of impact that we're going to have, you know, not just on the industry at a whole, but, like our local community, right, our team, you know, my family, right, those that I used to put, you know, on the back burner, right? Like I never put them in front of me, I always put them on the back burner. It was all about me, me, me, me, me. So I feel like I'm here and I have a greater purpose and I'm not going to take that for granted.

Speaker 1: 16:04

Yeah, how long do you think? How long was it 13 years ago Did some of these things come about? Because I know you know, the first year is a little bit rough for most people typically. What kind of timeline? Because time is one thing that is. There's nothing you can do about the amount of time that it takes to get through this right. Time takes time and, trust me, I've tried to speed up the time a million times and it just doesn't work. So how much? When would you say that you know? When would you say you shifted from the well, let's just call it being selfish, right, because we all, you and I both know exactly what that's like. When did you realize, how long did it take you to realize that you got to put other people first, really to kind of get what you want really?

Speaker 2: 17:00

Yeah, yeah Now, and that's a great question because, like you said, time takes time, things that I must earn, things that I must endure, right, and I believe, I believe for me, I needed every single drink to get where I'm at today. So, long story short, I had had some time prior to this to this run right now that I'm experiencing right now. I had seven years sober. At one time, at a very young age. I had found out about, or recovery at a very young age I was actually 13 stepped into the program I had, I was able to acquire about seven years and I would say the last two years of that I took my will back right, like I was doing every single thing that an alcoholic, an active alcoholic, would be doing. Right, like I was just staying out late. I was just, you know, I was playing ball, semi pro softball at the time and again, going back to what I said, I put all of these things in front of my recovery, right, everything my business at the time, everything. So, long story short, I finally relapsed, even though I had relapsed spiritually long before I physically picked up that drink. I had already relapsed right, and I honestly believe relapse doesn't happen by accident it takes you already relapsed before you. Actually, physically, there's no such thing as a slip. I think it happens long before you. Actually, that's just my personal opinion because of my personal experience with that. So because of that, I look at that as a part of my recovering process.

Speaker 2: 18:34

Right, like I needed every single drink, I needed to say every nasty thing, I needed to do every grimy thing in order for me to end up in jail. Right, self, I'm the poster child for self will run riot. Right, I'd taken my will back and I landed in jail again. Right, and I'm sitting there I'm thinking to myself how did I end up here? How did I do this again, what went wrong? Right, and playing that tape back, I was like man, when was the last time I went to a meeting? When was the last time I actually got on my knees and humbled myself? Right, and when was the last time I actually asked for help? And it became me, me, me, me, me. I did this, I built this, this is mine. I did. You know, I was taking the credit for everything you know. And finally I was in that jail cell and I dropped on my knees because at that point in time, I had nowhere else to turn. I tried everything right. I came in at a young age. I thought I grew out of this thing called alcoholism and I found out the hard way that, even though I didn't pick up a drink for seven years, it was as if I drank that entire time.

Speaker 2: 19:42

And the progression of the disease. I think when we hear that we're talking, we a lot of people think about the progression of the disease while I'm drinking, but I don't think we talk enough about the progression of the disease while I'm not drinking, because I hear kids coming out of rehab and they say stuff like yeah, my disease is out in the parking lot doing pushups. Yeah, that sounds cool, but I don't think you really know how true that statement is. Okay, because mine was at the gym, right, it was at the gym every single day just waiting for me in the shadows to pick up that drink. And, dude, I'm telling you, within weeks, within weeks, it was as if I never stopped drinking. So if I drank those entire seven years, that's where my addiction was, at that time when I picked up. And I mean it fast-tracked to the point within nine months. Nine months until I came back Sounds like a short period of time but I'm talking about. I'm losing homes, I'm losing trucks, I'm losing relationships, every single dime, everything, everything that I had put in front of my recovery was taken from me.

Speaker 2: 20:50

But the crazy thing was is when I walked out of that jail that day, I was left everything that I needed. The second day I had a job to go to. It was a flat rubber roof that I got to install because I'm a mechanic by trade, a roofing mechanic. Right, I had to have somebody drive me. I had a driver, a guy that was experienced in experienced laborer that could drive me around all my appointments.

Speaker 2: 21:14

I pled into. It was called drug court at the time. I don't know what they call it anymore. I pled into that needed that accountability in my life. So through that whole process to answer your question I think I needed every single drink. I needed to smash my head against the wall more obviously before I could actually humble myself and realize that this could all be taken away from me with a flick of the switch. So at that point in time, when I came back, my humility had gone to a whole another level, my humbleness, my gratitude of just being able to put my feet on the floor every single morning and thank him, thank you for one more day, thank you for that extended warranty, because he knows I know, first and foremost, I don't deserve to be here, I don't deserve the many chances that I've been given. I don't know why, but he must know that I'm a strong son of a bitch and that my message will impact somebody's life someday, and I will not take that for granted at all.

Speaker 1: 22:24

Bam dude, you said so many things in there that I'm just going to go back to one in particular. That really stood out.

Speaker 2: 22:35

Thank, you for that. You're welcome. Hopefully that wasn't too long-winded. Not at all.

Speaker 1: 22:40

Not at all. But one thing that you said I think I would love to chat about is let's just call it the dry drunk. The guy's not. And look, I stopped drinking a little over 14 years and I haven't had a drink in 14 years. But that's not the end of the story.

Speaker 1: 22:59

About six and a half years into my recovery, I started smoking weed. All right, I thought no big deal. Now in the back of my mind, of course, I knew this was not the right thing to do. I didn't play the tape all the way through because weed was never a thing for me. I didn't really care about weed, it just. I lied to myself Right, this is going to be okay, this is not going to get out of hand. It's never gotten out of hand. I don't even know if out of hand is the right word, but dependency for sure is the right word.

Speaker 1: 23:34

Look, there's a lot of different thoughts on this. I don't throw shade on anybody that continues to smoke weed and that it works their program or is in recovery, that's fine with me. It's not up to me what other people do. But for me it was a slow bleed. If I would have went out and got drunk, I would have done something stupid and gotten trouble and it would have been quick. But by me smoking weed, it was a slow bleed to the same place that I would have been at if I had just drank the first day. Does that make?

Speaker 2: 24:19

sense Totally, totally. I know exactly what you're saying.

Speaker 1: 24:22

And spiritually I was bankrupt and spiritually I couldn't connect with God. And this was just March 26th it's when I stopped smoking weed, so like it's pretty recent. And so I, you know, I knew when I came back into recovery that that was going to have to stop. And I had just a conversation, like I would with you right here, and I said you know, I'm not, I'm willing to stop this, I'm just not willing to stop it right now. And if any, my experience is I know when God's trying to get my attention he makes it very clear.

Speaker 1: 25:04

I was leaving, I was leaving a meeting one night and I hit my weed pen and I almost ran a red light going 70 miles an hour. Two minutes later almost ran another red light completely out of the blue, like it just didn't make sense. And I knew right then all right, like you've dicked around long enough, if you don't make a decision now, you might not make it home, not because I was high as a kite, because it was time, and so I tossed the pen out and I, you know, have obviously had picked it up since and it's not like quitting drinking. Right For me, spiritually in my life, it is like quitting drinking, but the obsession. I didn't really have the obsession like you do with alcohol, like that's a hard thing to get rid of, and I do like the obsession has been removed from me for a long time. I'm not saying by any stretch I'm cured by any stretch, but I don't think about alcohol Like I don't give a shit about, like you, somebody could drink right beside me, it wouldn't make any difference, like it's zero chance picking up a drink is going to improve anything in my life. I do know that for sure.

Speaker 1: 26:22

And so now weed falls in that same category. So it is. It's a bit of a mind fuck, no doubt, Because I really. I mean, look, I stood in front of the women's healing place, which you can guess as a homeless shelter for women, right, and said, yeah, I'm sober, 14 years, and my sponsor at the time the next day he was like what the fuck are you doing? And I'm like what do you mean? He was like don't you remember that date I had you write down back in March. I'm like, yeah, he was like that's your fucking date, dude. And it until that point. I swear to you that my ego and pride was so massive that that didn't even dawn on me. When, even when he said that the first time I mean the very first time he told me to write it down, I thought well, that's my weed date. I mean, it's not my real date and I didn't get it because I wasn't sober, and so it's been a journey. I'll tell you that.

Speaker 2: 27:33

No doubt, no doubt. You know, losing that amount of time is a tough pill to swallow and I struggled with that myself when I had had seven years over. You know, I tried to justify it to like. You know, I didn't drink, I was only doing code blah, blah, blah. And I did that for a minute, right, because that was the first thing that I picked up.

Speaker 2: 27:55

You know, and for me it doesn't matter what, it is right, like I used it ill intent, you know, with ill intent, right, like to, to alter my state of mind, to make me feel better, or whatever my excuse was at the time, right, and it's so funny how, you know, god will give us signs that we've always ignored. And it's kind of cool how you notice these things, right, like like running these red lights, right. And it's funny that you use that as a metaphor, because I was talking to a buddy of mine. It's like for a knucklehead like me, I need to have my head rammed through the windshield before he can get my attention right. And thank God it didn't get you to the point where you started losing things other than yourself. But you don't have to lose, start losing things, it's how it makes you feel right, that that can consider you a drug addict or an alcoholic. That that loneliness, that desperation, that that not feeling a part of something. And when you start putting substances in your mind and you touched on that you were having a struggle with, you know, bringing God back into your life or whatever you want to call that, your higher power, right, it's because for me, I'm blocking the sunlight of the spirit. You know, when I put something in my body and I know deep down inside that I that I'm doing something wrong, that I shouldn't be doing this and and that's the thing alcohol brought you to your knees quicker.

Speaker 2: 29:20

And any other substance even if I want to consider. You know, I didn't have a problem with oxycodone, I didn't have a problem with marijuana, it doesn't matter. I use them for all the same purposes, because I don't like how I'm feeling right now and I want to feel better, mentally right, and so for me, I had to accept that fact and that's what kept me out there longer was because I didn't like my guilt, my shame and my pride. I did not want to walk into my home group with my tail between my legs, even though they all knew right, they already knew, they knew long before I knew, even before I picked up. They knew that I was walking the path of doom right and they heard stories. They probably seen me out on the street corner and it's like here I got to swallow my pride and walk back in there and once again, I need to ask for help. I need to be as transparent, I need to be as vulnerable, and that's what that's.

Speaker 2: 30:10

That's why I say I needed every single substance, every single drink to be who I am today, to humble myself, to give me more empathy, to see the pain that I put in other people's eyes when I act out. I don't want to be that person today. I want to be the best version of a sober person in somebody else's eyes that I can possibly be today. And that's no bullshit. That's no pain meds, no other dry goods, no alcohol in my life, and I would love to show somebody that there is an easier, softer way. You know, we don't ever have to feel like that again, and this is what's what's so cool about it is that we don't have to do this by ourselves. There's more of us knuckleheads out here fighting the same fight.

Speaker 1: 30:56

Yeah, then to ask it for help, it's. I've always felt like I was okay asking for help until until this time in, and I will ask for help with certain people, right, it's almost like I pick and choose who I'm asking to help from because, well, I mean, I got to. You know, I got to take this mask off, to put this mask on, and that's fucking tiring, it's exhausting. It's exhausting being somebody in front of you or being somebody in front of my wife, or being somebody in front of this person. It's fucking exhausting.

Speaker 2: 31:31

No doubt. Yeah, you know that you're living a lie. Even back then you were living that lie and that's why you were blocking the sunlight of the spirit, because you were lying. You were lying to everybody, you were lying to yourself. You were still trying to be hip-slicking cool. Yeah, that's what I call it. When I hip-slicking cool, I'm trying to still be hip-slicking cool.

Speaker 2: 31:50

And the problem with pot today, I think, is it's become so socially acceptable and it's being prescribed. And the bottom line is, bro, is that for me, I can't use it. I'm sorry, I'm glad that it's taking care of whatever symptoms or things psychological things that you're experiencing, you know, but for me I can't do that because it will block the sunlight of the spirit. And that's how I get high today. I work out the gym, I drop to my knees, I help other people. Those are my substances today. That's what gives me fulfillment Going back to that God-shaped void that everyone is trying to fill that God-shaped void with things that aren't so good for us, right? Those broken promises that we make to ourselves, that I'm just, I don't have a problem and I'm going to stop tomorrow. I can stop anytime I want and the sneaking around from people because I don't want them to know. I'm hitting my vape pen in the car. It's like you're filling yourself up. I'm filling myself up.

Speaker 1: 33:26

I don't know if you can hear me, but you are frozen solid and there's no audio coming through. I'm hoping that there was a glitch in the internet. Well, let's see. I wonder if. Alright, so let's see here. Maybe he'm taking the video off. I pardon you. I think this fucking thing would have been live. I don't have to keep. I don't have to sit here and keep talking. I don't have to sit here and keep talking. I don't have to sit here and keep talking, alright, oh, you're on mute. Yep, you're on mute.

Speaker 2: 37:13

There we go.

Speaker 1: 37:14

There you go. I mean, you were on a roll too, but I don't know where the hell you left off.

Speaker 2: 37:18

I'm not sure either. I think I was talking about the blocking the sunlight of the spirit, living those lies that all ourselves right and thinking that nobody else doesn't notice. Something's off with us and we know that they are, and that's the thing too, especially about those things. And when you get a little bit of time sober, it's like we become paranoid and we experience a paranoia that we've never experienced before, at least for me.

Speaker 2: 37:40

When that happened to me and I started doing weird things, I started to isolate depression, you know experience and stuff and to find out that was all situational. You know what I mean, why I thought I needed to start using again. Right, it was because I'm suffering from all these outside things and I'm allowing to affect me today, because I'm not going to what what my medicine used to be, which was, you know, being around other people like mine and people like myself and getting their influence, you know from them and bouncing things off of them. I started to isolate and started to experience these situational depressions and stuff like that, and then I thought it was at some point in time. I thought it was a good idea to pick back up again, kind of like a worry.

Speaker 1: 38:22

Yeah, you know it's interesting. When I came back, you know, when I came back in, I actually, you know, ironically, ruth Khan, that's what brought me back into our common recovery place. Eric O'Brant he, I didn't know Eric Jeff Boab introduced me to Eric for whatever reason, it was a God thing. Now I told Eric, I said, look, man, like I said, I don't resonate with calling myself an alcoholic. I said I don't think that makes sense. And I told him you know that I am, and there is some truth to that. There is some truth to saying I'm fat or I'm broke or whatever. Right, you kind of are what you say you're going to be. And I was really stuck on not saying that. And he said, well, he said, yeah, I get that. He said, yeah, I get that. He said, but maybe it's just not about you. And I mean it was like a fucking ton of bricks hit me and I went the next day.

Speaker 1: 39:26

I got back in town. You know where I went and I have I might have missed. I might have missed five days total since November. Now I didn't mean I got, you know, I mean I was totally sober in November, but I knew what I needed to do. And you know it's like. It's like they say you know, be your full of AA. What is what the hell's the same?

Speaker 2: 39:49

Yeah, a belly full booze and a head full doesn't mix Right.

Speaker 1: 39:52

So it's the same with weed.

Speaker 2: 39:54

Yeah, exactly, that'd be a head full weed and a belly full yeah Right.

Speaker 1: 40:01

So you know I'll be, I'll be forever grateful for Eric because he really, you know, he just kind of heard me out and I needed that conversation, bad, I really needed that conversation. But I found, you know, I went back to my old where I used to go prior to that, and there's a lot of healing place people there, so a lot of the homeless shelter people go there. And my idea was see, I went back in thinking I'm still up to in your sober, right? Oh yeah, so I went back there so I could help people. I was in no place to help anybody and so what I found with that is I had to get away from that particular meeting because I wouldn't get.

Speaker 1: 40:47

I was just going to sound selfish because it is, but I needed a different type of help. But does that make sense? Totally, Totally. It was hard to it was hard for me to decipher that for a long time. So, but I've switched everything up and and I'm putting myself around the people that took to a degree that can, that I can have a conversation with. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, and that's the thing I found too.

Speaker 2: 41:14

What I did before, that that got me or kept me sober didn't, wasn't going to work anymore, whether it be because of my ego and pride or whatever got in the way. You know, and this is what happened to me when I came back to my old home. This is what happened to me when I came back. My my fear or ego and this is probably an ego thing too was is that I couldn't share for the longest time. Right, cause I thought everything that I ran my mouth about before was a lie, like I lied to you guys, I lied to everybody in this room and I am not worthy to even be sitting here that I was a fake, that I was a fraud, and I struggled with that for a while, and I could have called it fear. Now that I think about it, as more of my ego was getting in the way, right, and everybody's like dude, share that experience. My mess had become the message. Right, that's what they were trying to tell me. Like, are you sober today? Yeah, I'm sober. Then you have something to share. Like, how did you get back here? Right, you made it. The road to recovery is paid with dead bodies, bro. How did you make it back here. We read your name in the newspaper and the shit that you did. How did you make it back here? That's the message you need to share with people. And it was like you know what, okay, I get that.

Speaker 2: 42:26

So, slowly but surely, I got some time, one day at a time, under my belt again and my guilt, my shame and my fear, my ego, started to dissipate. You know, I started to get involved. I started to open up again and make coffee and made the best damn coffee in all the rooms. Brother, I wore that shit with pride, bro, like I double bagged that shit. I didn't put just one bag in there, I put two bags in that shit. And I took pride in that. And I did that for the first four years every Thursday night at my home group and uh, you know.

Speaker 2: 42:54

And then I passed the torch on to somebody else and then we started a meeting on Monday nights, a beginner's group, and I wanted that to be a part of my legacy. I wanted that to be a part of my story. I wanted that to be a part of my journey, to share with other people. And that's why we started a beginner's meeting. A buddy of mine, me and Perry. We started at our home group. We didn't have a Monday night meeting there, but I needed a meeting seven days a week, so, selfishly, we needed a meeting on Monday night so I had some place to lay my head. You know where I could go and dump my shit if I needed to, or whatever, for safety and security, right Purposes.

Speaker 2: 43:26

So I got involved that way because, think about it, when I was out drinking right, I played in every pool league. I've shot darts, I did all these things Like I was a bar room triathlon, right. So now, now I stopped drinking, right, and it's like what am I going to do? How am I going to fill that void? And it's like, okay. So I got involved with the inner group, I got involved with district, I opened up my my, you know. So I started to fill that void up with what was now going to become my new life and accepting that fact that this is going to be my new life.

Speaker 2: 43:52

But you know what? I'm not looking in the rear of your mirror anymore If there's red and blue lights behind me, I'm not worried about the water being shut off. I'm not worried about all these stupid, unhealthy fears, right, that that I lived by, right Like that. That that drove me, drove me crazy, right, and today I like to think that that I live in healthy fears. Right, like, if I don't suit up and show up every day, that's going to impact somebody. I need to be here, right Like I need to make sure that there's no fear. I need to make sure that there's a roof over my family. So it's not even about me today, right, about my kids, about my grandkids, right, none of this has anything to do with us.

Speaker 2: 44:28

I signed up for this shit. I accept the challenge. Bring it, you know, every single day when my feet hit the floor, I signed up for this shit. So stop crying, because what I prayed for five years ago, that's the life I'm living today, right, and that's why I suit up, shit. I'm not saying that I still don't have bad days, but I need to go where I can get my medicine, and that's Monday night, yeah, monday nights. I know where my ass is parked. My name is on the back of that chair.

Speaker 2: 44:54

I need this, not just for me, but what about those people that are in there? That new guy walking down those steps? Right, and how selfish of me would it be if I didn't go or I didn't speak up in that meeting that I'm at. How selfish is that? So I'm just still here, taking and taking and taking. Or am I bringing? Am I? What am I bringing here? What am I? What am I bringing to the picnic? Am I bringing a bag of chips? What am I doing? Am I gonna stick around and help clean up or am I just gonna come and drink all the free coffee I want and keep taking? Right, I try not to be a taker. Yeah, I want to be a giver. Right, that's what we, that's what we're here for. We're here to serve. Right, that's gonna be our legacy. And a lot of this shit we're not even gonna get credit for and most people probably don't even know that.

Speaker 2: 45:39

We started the Monday night meeting and it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter the impact. That goes way beyond me, way beyond me, and I don't need to credit for it. That's cool, I'm fine with that. I've humbled myself where. I'm okay with that and I like that all the time, every second. No, sometimes the ego comes back in there. I start edging God back out again. It's my show. I'm the director here, you know what I'm saying and and I get checked real quick by not maybe my one of my teammates, but the man upstairs tells me when, when my ego, my, I'm puffing my chest out and as me, me, me, again, me, me, me, you know, and I got to take a step back to be like yo, dude, this ain't your show anymore. Man, you're just a piece on the chessboard here and and and that, that's it, and I'm okay with that.

Speaker 1: 46:27

Yeah, a hundred percent, dude. I, yeah, I agree with everything you said. I'm not, you know, I'm still working through some stuff, but but I get it, totally get it, and I'll get one day at a time.

Speaker 1: 46:40

Right a hundred percent and I did, you know, took me a long time to really grasp what that just recently like grasped, like I don't have to worry about what happens. Why do I might not even come. You know, that's better than anybody. Yeah, well, tie, listen, dude. I hate to cut this short, but, man, I really enjoyed the conversation, dude, and I think we should probably do this again.

Speaker 2: 47:01

Yeah, for sure, let's do it. We'll have you come on our show, we'll come back on your show. Whatever doesn't matter, that'd be great man. Well, how can people find you? They can check me out at, you know, they can call me on myself, or they check out my Facebook page. Tie-cop backer on Facebook or even behind a tool belt on YouTube. All right, cool man. I appreciate you, brother. You got it. Thank you so much, you're welcome.