The Masks I Wore in Sobriety (And How They Nearly Cost Me Everything)

What if the biggest thing keeping you stuck isn’t alcohol or drugs—but the mask you’re wearing?

In this deeply personal episode of The Successful Life Podcast, Corey Berrier shares the raw truth about recovery, authenticity, and what it took to rebuild his life after years of believing he had everything under control.

After first getting sober in 2009, Corey experienced many of the promises of recovery—business success, financial stability, a new marriage, and material success. But underneath it all, he was still wearing masks: pride, ego, perfectionism, and the belief that he was different from everyone else.

Eventually those masks led him away from the principles that had transformed his life. Marijuana replaced genuine recovery, his business collapsed, depression took over, and he found himself starting over in 2023.

In this episode, Corey opens up about:

• Why looking for differences instead of similarities kept him disconnected from recovery.
• The dangerous masks of pride, ego, perfectionism, and “having it all together.”
• How untreated alcoholism can exist even while attending meetings.
• Why honesty and vulnerability became the turning point in his recovery.
• Starting over after years of sobriety and the humility it required.
• Making amends and rebuilding a life based on authenticity instead of appearances.
• Why surrender—not control—has brought more peace than anything else.
• The role of sponsorship, service work, prayer, meditation, and the 12 Steps in lasting recovery.
• Encouragement for anyone considering getting sober or returning to recovery.

Whether you’re newly sober, questioning your relationship with alcohol, or supporting someone in recovery, this episode offers hope that freedom begins when the masks come off.

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear that recovery is possible.

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Transcript

CoreyBerrier 0:30

Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast. I'm your host, Corey Barrier. And today, folks, we're going to be talking about well, first off, grateful to be here. Grateful to be sober. Grateful to be recording this podcast today. And look, I want to get into some of the things that I that I am incredibly grateful for, which is the fact that I don't have to worry about picking up a drink today. I also don't have to worry about what happens tomorrow because I stay present in today. And that doesn't make me special. It just means that I've gone through enough shit in my time to realize that I don't have control over anything. I've got no control over what happens with you, and I have no control over what happens in most of my life. And the truth of the matter is I don't have control over anything. And especially not whether or not how people act, how they don't act. Having expectations on other people breeds resentment. And I had to learn that the hard way, that is for sure. And one of the things that I don't know that I've talked about recently, in fact, I know I haven't talked about it recently, is some of the masks that we wear. And it's interesting because for a long time, I haven't had a drink since August 12th, 2009, but I had to start my program over back in 2023 and March 26 of 2023, which is my really my new sober date, my only sober date, because I can't be sober and smoke weed, which I've mentioned about a bunch of times on here. And going through the evolution of the different masks, back to that, that I was wearing throughout the beginning of my sobriety, throughout the midway through my sobriety, just as a few examples. Like when I first came in the rooms, I always thought I was better than everybody else. I knew I was an alcoholic. I knew I had problems, no question about it, but I couldn't quite identify with everything everybody said. And so therefore it kind of kept me on the outskirts of the program. I didn't hang out with people because I thought I was better than them, thought I was different than them. But but I did get a lot of the promises throughout that first seven years of actively working a 12-step program. And the it's but it's taken me years to realize who I am and what I stand for and really what my place is in society. And that's because of all the layers of masks that I had on throughout this whole time. And one of those masks as an example, that first seven years was that I had it all together. And look, dude, coming in to recovery, nobody's got it all together, or your ass wouldn't be coming into recovery. You would skip the recovery part if you had it all together. But I didn't realize that people could see all the way through that people could see through that. I had no idea. I thought I was fooling everybody. Hell, I was even fooling myself. And the truth of the matter is I wasn't fooling anybody, but what it did do is keep me on the outside of the program because I always looked for the differences in me and everybody else, opposed to the similarities. And the truth of the matter is we're all there for a common reason, and that common reason is to learn how to stop drinking and live a life in recovery. I didn't get that my first seven years. I didn't get the life of recovery part. I got what's in it for me. I come to meetings, my life's getting better, getting all the things that I ever could dream of. I was running a new business towards the end of that seven first seven years. I was running a business, was get right, got remarried, just bought a brand new house that was amazing. We had two Lexuses in the driveway, like life was pretty damn good. And because of my inferiority complex, and because I didn't have enough self-esteem to do esteemable things, I kind of I wind I I didn't do I didn't do the most trustworthy things, but I would disguise that as oh, I'm just not perfect. I can just cheat a little here or cheat a little there and take a little money from here, take a little money from there, and not turn in the money at the end of the meeting, and it's fine because I'm buying all the coffee anyway and setting everything up. It's fine. I'll just put it in my wallet and pay for the stuff as it comes. I mean, things that an alcoholic would do that's technically untreated, even though I was showing up for meetings, I was sponsoring people. And the truth of the matter is, all those things I was doing half-ass. I wasn't truly showing up to be of service. I wasn't truly being of service to my sponsees, I was just going through the motions, and that's another layer of mask that I had to figure out. And so when I started slowly, when I started smoking weed for the around 2015-ish or 2016, somewhere in that vicinity, I don't have the exact number, probably because I was smoking weed, I gradually moved away from that program that had given me all those things that I really enjoyed and valued. And shortly after that, I I lost that business and uh due to selfishness, not being honest, not my ego was so absolutely huge that I thought I was unstoppable and that the rules didn't really apply to me. And then I eventually started drifting away from the program and certainly started stopped sponsoring people and continued smoking weed because everything was okay and life was good and everything was working out until it didn't. And then sometime in 2018, my partner and I had a hot conversation about how things were gonna sorry for that pause there. We had to get the dog in order because he was raising health. Anyway, so I'll try to pick up where I left off. I don't know if I'll be able to do that, but I'm gonna do my best. The at the end of the day. To date, it was the darkest time in my entire life, and I stayed in that spot, flip-flopping, trying to make money, doing things, doing this, doing that, and it was just it was one of the roughest times of my life. And so shortly, not shortly, by any stretch, I struggled for years, and I mean years, because I didn't even think about going back into the program that had given me all those things before, and my marriage started falling apart, bills started piling up, and uh we were just barely making it. And it was again, it was the hardest time in my life, period. And I didn't really come out of that till about COVID happened, which was also tough, but it we made we made ends meet, let's just say that. And uh around 20 at the end of 2022, November 2022, I met a guy named Eric Obrandt, and he's very public about his sobriety, so he's not gonna give two shits that I said his name. But I met him at a roofing conference, and Eric, I told him why I wasn't going back to the program, and he basically just looked at me and just said that look, I if uh you're uh you host this podcast, people listen to you, and you're not doing you're not giving back what was freely given to you, and Corey, it's really not about you. And for whatever reason, that conversation hit home to me. And uh I decided at that point in time that next day that I would go back to the program that had been so good to me in the past. And I was still smoking weed during that time, and uh, like I said, that was November 2022, and I kept smoking weed until March 25th, 2023. And uh so March 26, 2023 is my sobriety date because I couldn't work the program and be California sober. I tried it, and I knew that it wasn't gonna work, but my I was too afraid and too fearful to stop at that point in time, and my pride and just I just wasn't willing to put it down until some until I almost ran a red light March 25th, 2023, twice and about 70 miles an hour, and it scared me to death. And I realized in that moment that I didn't really want that third strike, and for me, that's kind of how things go. And so that at that point I decided to put it down and uh and actually start doing the work and actually start being honest with somebody, and that would be my sponsor at the time, and and that was a hard thing to do because starting over after not having to drink for that long was humbling and devastating blow to my ego, but I knew something had to change because nothing was changing, and I just wasn't willing to go through any more pain. And so over the last, I guess, three and a half, almost three and a half years now, it's not been super easy. So if you are starting this journey and it is your first time, it's gonna be way easier to stay sober the first time than it will be the second, third, or fourth time. And uh, I struggled hard and I had to work through a lot of stuff, a lot of financial amends, a lot of amends for people that I hurt, a lot of folks that didn't deserve, you know, the person that I had become. And I had to look at those things and make them right. And that my marriage dissolved, and that was the best thing. It didn't look, it didn't seem like it was the best thing at the time because look at me, I'm getting sober, I'm doing all the right things, I'm working the steps, I'm doing this, and I'm doing that. And notice I'm putting I in there, and I wasn't thinking about all the damage that I had created and the havoc that I had created in in her life. And in looking back now, it was the best decision that could have ever been made. And so the next couple of years, I got jobs that were really good, lost jobs that were really good, couldn't really find my footing in the in back in the business world because the truth is, man, I had kind of been on my own for so long that it was really hard for me to find my place in society and in the workplace. And a lot of that was because I had so many masks that I had layered on over the years, including the one that I would have on this podcast for years. I showed up a certain way for you, the listener, and didn't live that same way in my own life. And I couldn't even see how inauthentic I was. But I felt like a fraud, and that's just the god, that's just the God's honest truth. Until I got until I got through uh a pretty tough couple of three years there. And they weren't all terrible years, but what I did what what I did do right is I I didn't use and I didn't drink. I did take this thing one day at a time. And I mentioned not being able to control things at the beginning of this and letting go of control and being able to surrender to whatever happens is gonna happen has been one of the most freeing things of my life. And today I don't have any masks that I'm aware of. I try to be completely transparent and authentic and genuine, and I do try to help people every opportunity I get, and whether that's with my time or whether that's with a ride or spending time with a sponsee and taking them through the steps, it it varies of how it varies on how I just how God leads me to the next right thing to do. But I do try to listen today because I don't want the stress of the masks, I don't want to go through the stress of the ups and downs, and it's really just not worth it. And so for me just to get out of the way and remove those masks and just show people exactly who I am and what I'm about has been quite freeing. And I don't know if most people go through this. I don't know, I don't even know if everybody in recovery goes through this, but my guess is likely you were covering up something in recovery or in your drinking and drugging phases of your life that was painful, and that's what happened with me. I was covering up painful things that I didn't want to look at, and a lot of times those things were looking in the mirror at me. I couldn't look myself in the mirror and be proud and be grateful that I get to wake up another day, and then today what things look like are I get to go on a boat today and hang out with a bunch of cool ass people in the program and have cool conversations and genuinely enjoy my life. I get to walk on the beach in the morning, and it sounds like it sounds hope it doesn't sound like I'm bragging because that's not the case at all. It's just the reality of what my life has become since I've become sober. And uh and I see people around me all the time get to live the same exact things, promises that I'm getting to live now because they've done the things that I've done, and it doesn't make me special. I just follow directions and um try to get myself out of the way. Because otherwise, I'm gonna run the show, otherwise, I'm going to get in my own way, and believe me, it's not always easy. It's not always easy letting go of the outcome of things, especially when I think I know what the outcome should be, or what the outcome is I want. And there are times that I try to manipulate that outcome and it doesn't really work out for me at all. But when I let go, I do prayer, I do meditation, and all those things, and I go to meetings and I sponsor people, and I have a sponsor, and I don't know which all those things work, but I need to do them all because I want to keep getting what I'm getting. And I don't want to go through the rough patches, and I'm sure they're coming at some point. There's always going to be a rough patch, but it's how you react to those rough patches. And uh today I choose to take them one thing at a time, try to do the next right thing, and if I don't know what that next right thing is, I call somebody and ask them. And for a guy like this to call another man and ask for help is that was really tough at the beginning. It was really tough. I tell myself, in my head, I go, well, don't bother that guy. He doesn't need to, don't you don't need to share this with him. It doesn't really matter, like it's not that big a deal. All that's bullshit because I didn't have the answers. I just kept, I would just keep talking myself out of making that phone call and not being vulnerable and not asking for help. And who does that hurt me? So if you are new in sobriety, these are some of the things that you're gonna get to go through. And they're not all they're not all tough situations, they're as tough as you want to make them. But the truth is you gotta go through the you gotta go through the steps, you gotta do the things that are taught to us because that's what is gonna get you to this life that I've been describing today. Life's not perfect, but it's pretty damn good. And so I'd encourage you, if you are thinking about getting sober, you can have all of this as well. And you can leave that shit life behind. And I promise you, you won't look back. You can always go back to it. You can always go back to drinking and drugging, always. But you may not have another chance to get back into recovery because that alcohol or that drugs or whatever it is you're addicted to may take you out. It may take you completely out of this world. Or it'll make you so miserable that you take yourself out of this world. I mean, I know a lot of people that have done it. And I'm just not in that camp today. I'm not interested in that. And I hope you're not either. And if you are thinking about getting sober, it is the best life you could possibly have. If you're thinking about continuing on your path of alcoholism and drug addiction, then that's gonna be a tough that's gonna be a tough road. I don't know too many people that come out of that successfully. In fact, I have never met anybody that's come out of that successfully without working the program and doing the steps and doing all the things that I mentioned. So listen, if you found value in this, make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you do get the alerts whenever they come up. Write a review for us because that helps. Share this if you see it on social media. I appreciate you guys. We'll see you next week.