Assumptions, Philadelphia, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

Ever catch yourself reacting to a story in your head instead of the person in front of you? In this episode of The Voyage Cast, therapist and host Eddie Eccker unpacks how our brains fill in the blanks and how those mental shortcuts quietly shape our relationships, our culture, and our conflicts.

From a funny gas station encounter involving Spaceballs and a misunderstood license plate to the psychology of “cognitive misers,” Eddie explores why we assume the worst, how social media fuels snap judgments, and what it means to practice generous assumptions instead.

You’ll learn:

• Why your brain makes assumptions (and how to slow them down)

• How misinterpretations damage connection in marriage and friendship

• Simple practices to replace judgment with curiosity and grace

Whether it’s a stranger at a gas station, a comment thread online, or your partner at home, the same truth applies: curiosity heals what assumptions divide.

Listen now and start telling truer stories about the people in your life.

Transcript

Hey everyone, welcome back to The Voyage Cast. I’m Eddie, and today we’re diving into the messy world of assumptions. It all starts with a little story about me, a gas station, and a very confused gentleman who had some strong feelings about Philadelphia.

Picture this. I’m walking into a gas station to grab some sparkling water. Out of nowhere, a guy outside gives me the finger and yells, “F*** Philadelphia!” I’m not even a football fan. So I’m standing there thinking, “Wait, what?”

Then it hits me. He must have seen my vanity plate and decided it was some kind of tribute to the Philadelphia Eagles. Spoiler alert: it’s not. It’s actually a goofy reference to Spaceballs and my college mascot. But he didn’t ask. He just assumed. And suddenly, I’m the Philly fan in his story.

That’s what today’s episode is about—the stories we tell ourselves about other people, and how often they have more to do with us than with reality.

There’s a concept in psychology called the “cognitive miser.” It comes from Susan Fiske and Shelley Taylor, two social psychologists from the 1980s. The idea is that our brains like shortcuts. Not because we’re lazy, but because thinking deeply about everything would be exhausting. So the brain says, “I’ve seen this before, I’ll fill in the rest.”

That saves energy—but it also creates a problem. Because when we fill in the blanks without checking the facts, we stop seeing the real person. We react to the version we’ve created in our minds. That guy at the gas station didn’t see me. He saw his own experiences, his own frustrations, and maybe a few sports rivalries. He reacted to his story, not mine.

On social media, we see one photo, one post, one sentence, and we build a whole story around it. We decide who someone is, what they believe, and what kind of person they must be—all from a snapshot. The comments section becomes a war zone of people reacting to their own assumptions.

This is what’s happening in our culture. We’re not reacting to what’s said—we’re reacting to what we think was meant. And that’s where most of our conflict lives.

I see this play out constantly in my therapy sessions with couples. One partner says something. The other hears it, assumes intent, and reacts defensively. The first feels misunderstood, reacts to that, and suddenly they’re arguing about something no one actually said.

That’s the assumption loop. Assume. Project. React. Reinforce. Repeat. It widens the gap every time. But when couples slow this down, everything changes. When I rephrase what one partner actually meant, the other goes, “Oh, that’s what you were trying to say?” And the tension melts.

Most of the time, the problem isn’t the person. It’s the story we’ve written about them.

So here’s a simple practice: make generous assumptions. Instead of assuming someone’s trying to hurt you, assume they might be struggling. Instead of assuming they don’t care, assume they might not know how to show it.

Generous assumptions don’t mean ignoring bad behavior. They just mean starting from curiosity instead of judgment. When we assume the worst, we close off. When we assume generously, we open space for connection and grace.

Whether it’s a random guy outside a gas station, a heated Facebook thread, or a tough conversation with your partner—the principle is the same: ask before assuming, clarify before reacting, and remember that the story in your head might not be the one being lived in front of you.

Curiosity heals what assumptions divide.

I’d love to hear your stories—times when you realized your assumptions were totally wrong. Send me a message, drop a comment, or tag The Voyage Cast on Instagram. And if this episode resonated with you, please rate the show, give us five stars, and share it with a friend. It helps more people discover the podcast and keeps these conversations going.

Thanks for listening, and until next time—keep your assumptions generous and your questions curious.