Boujee Blondes
Boujee Blondes is presented by Melissa Clarke and Simone Grace.Join the ladies for girly chats full of fun and laughter - chatting about life, relationships and much more in a comfortable safe place. women empowerment and sisterhood is the sense of belonging that this podcast interprets. the atmosphere hopes to provide a safe place for everyone to go for advice whilst feeling accepted and understood. Melissa and Simone share their own life experiences which entails lots of blissful, loving and embarrassing moments but also mistakes throughout life. Speaking to diverse groups of people from different walks of life on various subjects. A weekly episode not to be missed - every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms. If you would like to contact the girls please email Boujeeblondespodcast@gmail.com
Boujee Blondes
"That's a messy kebab situation" #65
Join the girls for a side-splitting episode, Melissa, unravel the messy, hilarious world of drunk texting. Simone takes center stage with some of her most entertaining tales, while Melissa recounts her lucky escapes from the embarrassment of late-night texting escapades. From deciphering the true intentions behind those blurry texts to laughing at our younger selves' attempts at accidental flirtation on Snapchat
But that's not all; we shift gears to some truly cringeworthy drunk text mishaps that will make you gasp and giggle.
The girls share listeners stories from taking a police car home to texting the boohoo help team.
Tune in and get ready to laugh until you cry as we explore these outrageous stories and question why we ever put ourselves through such wild nights.
It's the Bougie Blondes podcast with Melissa and Simone, available on Spotify, apple or wherever you get your podcasts. Now let's get bougie. Hi, I'm Melissa. Hi, I'm Simone. Our podcast is serving you, bestie vibes.
Speaker 2:We are just two country girls chatting about all things we struggle with daily life and, of course, talking about certain issues that some people are afraid to speak about.
Speaker 1:We give it to you real, while having crack along the way. Remember these are just our opinions, gals, don't take us too seriously. We're just giving you some best friend advice. Welcome back to the boug Bougie Blondes. We missed you. How is everyone? How are you Simone?
Speaker 2:I'm good. How are you? Poor Melissa was sick for the last two weeks, so we're back this week.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was on death's door. It kind of hit me like a ton of bricks and I was gone gone I know, but you know what the thing is.
Speaker 2:I feel like this time of year, everyone and its mother just gets sick isn't it?
Speaker 1:I always? I always feel like after september and, yeah, I just kind of like hit a bit of a, like a lull, do you know?
Speaker 2:so yeah, so been a busy, busy few months, to be fair, yeah. Just run down gal.
Speaker 1:Run down, but for this week's topic, I put in about drunken texts, have you?
Speaker 2:ever been a victim of drunken texts? Put my hands up and say that I actually haven't. Have you not? No, I haven't, I've never. I feel like the one or two times where I was absolutely because I never get like paralytic but the one or two times that I was drunk, that I did get paralytic like I just go to sleep, so I don't even everyone thinks I'm dead have you ever got like a drunken text off, like a lad or anything? Oh yeah, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1:And you just know, don't you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just know at two o'clock in the morning. Yeah, what are you doing?
Speaker 1:What are you doing, mate?
Speaker 2:No, I put my hands up and say I think I may have ranked somebody, do you know? But I never thank god because I feel like a text message is worse than a phone call.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because it's their proof do you think that drunken texts, though, like, actually have worked, like for some people, like is there anyone that's ever like ended up in a relationship with someone from a drunken texts?
Speaker 2:I feel like it is because obviously that person's on your mind. Do you get me? Yeah, but like I don't know like I called or whatever.
Speaker 1:But yeah, but the most of the time it is a booty call though, isn't it like really yeah, isn't it like?
Speaker 2:I don't know. It depends on what they're asking for yeah but say like you've never like been.
Speaker 1:You've never been with this person before and it's just like a random that. Like this man texts you like a random drunken message like I and you're sober at home in bed. Like are you really going to respond? Like, do you?
Speaker 2:know what I mean, like not never.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like does it like? I don't know. Like is there? There's probably a probability. I actually need to look up the fact like the stats of this of like what percentage of women actually like end up in relationships with someone who sent them a drunken text, do you?
Speaker 2:know, yeah, no, definitely not. I don't think it'd be that high to be fair, because, like they're literally just looking for one thing, the one thing only. Like you're a man, respectfully message me when you're sober yeah, like, just yeah, like, I don't know you.
Speaker 1:Just it kind of gave you a bit of the ache, wouldn't it?
Speaker 2:yeah, it would mean, but then again, our aches are next level.
Speaker 1:I remember I got um a drunken. I wouldn't even say a drunken, I said this person was clearly like I don't know on something other than alcohol. Anyway, but so random, it was like four o'clock in the morning um and the lent. It was like an essay saying what like it was really, yeah, like it clearly wasn't even alcohol, I don't know they're. Obviously we're on some like, we're on a bit of something, something anyway, but yeah, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:But yeah, like it was like all in the mix the way oh god but yeah, it was like, oh, it was just really cringy and really long and like I never really see this person, but was actually mad because on that day I seen them. And then it was like later, like at like four o'clock in the morning, I got this big long message and I was like, oh my god, I just like I just didn't even reply.
Speaker 2:Obviously he just got ghosted, sorry, oh my god, no, never, I would absolutely die. I'm not gonna lie, like stuff like that actually gives me like I actually feel sick when I think of it, like genuinely I do, because imagine how they feel the next day as well.
Speaker 1:Um, like with this. So I was saying like I nearly felt sorry for because I was like you, like literally, probably in the moment, you probably thought it was a great idea. But, like when you're like obviously back on planet earth, you're like what the fuck was I doing? Like do you know?
Speaker 2:absolutely. I do remember though, like you know, when you're younger or whatever, like when snapchat was like to be I I'm actually brutal, like a lot of people do still use snapchat, but I just never use it. I'm really, really bad but like when I was younger or whatever, like showing you're kind of seeing someone you'd be like sorry, I didn't mean to send you that, that was for someone else after a few drinks, but like it's obviously not. It's like what are you doing? Like, what are you actually doing? When I think back, I'm like I'm giving myself the ick, like I actually gave myself the ick, but like that was like when I was like 18, maybe 19, but yeah, I don't know, I know, but still like it's just embarrassing.
Speaker 1:Like just like, hey, where are you? Yeah, what am I doing? So many lads do it, though it's almost like after they come home from the pub it's like, well, how are you? Like I'm in fucking bed, they get the confidence yeah, like I'm in bed, I'm sober here. Like you need to go to bed, son. Like yeah, it's just like this confidence that people get. Like what was it? They say you shouldn't text or drink and text, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I go on airplane mode, I do that's good, though, like you know what I mean, it stops you doing crazy shit yeah, like I remember there's a good few times like you know where you'd have something typed out and then your phone's on airplane mode and you're like, oh, thank god I didn't send that yeah. I know like you, just oh no, I'm not even going into stuff like that, because I'm actually embarrassing myself.
Speaker 1:I'm like send yourself into like oh no, you just you'd be mortified the next day, like. That's why I don't know, yeah, like it must be hard for people that are single because, like, because clearly, yeah, because clearly you would like you know, probably or probability of like texting like random people. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:absolutely not, absolutely not. I'm just like get me home and get me a kinder bueno and two bed no, but you know, I mean the confidence 100%, but then again I could, who knows, no judgment one of them.
Speaker 1:I remember Keith one time so he obviously was on Snapchat, right was meant to like text me but like, can you collect me? But didn't he put on his story that it was the most ugliest photo ever? It was like you know, or like the phone is like under your chin and oh, I was like can you collect me? And I was like and can you think that's on your story? And he's like what I couldn't get off.
Speaker 2:There's nothing worse.
Speaker 1:There is absolutely nothing worse it can easily happen, but here's some funny stories. Um, I was so drunk I replied to my own text, so the text was are you still in town? And he replied to his own message but like no, I'm a home now. He actually thought he was replying to someone. I could see myself doing that. I could definitely see myself doing that.
Speaker 1:Oh, this is the best one, right? So the text message is so. This is a text message that he got off someone the next day. It's hello marty. You gave me your number in your intoxicated state last night. I have a feeling you won't remember me. We took you home in our police car. You assured us several times that you weren't a terrorist and requested we don't send you back to Ireland when you drink. Please stay safe and don't drink yourself into that state. Hope you're not too hungover. Stay safe. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Speaker 2:No, that can't be real. It actually can.
Speaker 1:Marty, oh Marty, jesus Christ, oh just you just I just speaking about, like when you're drunk, the things that happen in taxis as well. When you're drunk, like, oh well, I saw.
Speaker 2:I saw at the weekend me and the girls were out and when I mean I physically wanted to vomit when I saw this right, and I actually felt so, so sorry for him. God love him like god love him, that's all I say. And so we're coming out of the restaurant we went in to get a bite to eat after being on a night out or whatever and we're coming out of this restaurant I know because the place stays open 24 hours, like this restaurant, okay. So anyway, we're coming out and this guy gets out of a taxi with his friends and he's just standing kind of on the side of the uber, kind of not moving.
Speaker 2:I'm like what the hell is he doing? It's like his hand on the top of the bonnet, like I'm like what on top of the roof. I'm like what's he doing? Taxi driver's talking to him and next minute the taxi driver pulls off. He is destroyed in a vomit, head to toe, pissed, but I'd say he was, after sobering up and realizing, and his friends just left him, walked into the restaurant, he was stood there on his own and we're three girls staring at him, being like, oh, my God, like wow, when I'm me and now that is my worst nightmare.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it can easily happen to anybody, but, like the fact of the matter, is what possessed him to be full of vomit and want to go into a restaurant Like seriously there's nothing worse, though, when you get sick.
Speaker 1:When you're drinking, though, I kept all over yourself. No, yeah, like you must be in severe state. If you get sick all over yourself, like like most of the time. If, like I just know I'm like I'm gonna get sick, and you're able to like hold it and go to the bathroom, you're like yeah, and then get sick. Do you know what I mean? I've never been like in a state where you're just like getting sick on yourself. You know what I mean. I've never been like in a state where you're just like getting sick on yourself.
Speaker 2:You know, oh yes, my actual worst nightmare it really is. And you know, when you look at someone you can actually smell it. Yeah, even though you're nowhere near, but you can. Just my whole stomach was turning. I was like no, no, you can tell my whole stomach was turning.
Speaker 1:I was like no, no, this is a another um one that I got in on the dms. I text my mom to pick me up from a nightclub. I the next morning I woke up and realized I didn't know how I got home. But I sent her back a message saying you don't have to collect me anymore. And my mom replied underneath yes, I'm aware that I'm after dropping you home. So she said, my mom collected me, but I didn't realize she dropped me home and I still don't have any recollection of it the next day, mortified, I haven't lived it down yeah, no, I will put my hands up and say there was once or twice where I can't remember how I got home.
Speaker 2:Have you opened that book before? I'm sure you have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like and just like. It's not that you can never not fully remember everything, but there's like bits. You're like how did I get from A to B? Yeah, you're like, that part of the night is dodgy but then you'll remember like bits.
Speaker 1:How did I get from A to B? A to B yeah, like when you're like that part of the night is dodgy, but then you'll remember like bits and I hate that. I hate when I can't remember the whole night. That like gives me anxiety and I'm like no, I know, Because I'm a liability to myself, I could have been doing anything.
Speaker 2:It's like a wild. That's a scary thing, like it's actually terrifying what it actually does to your brain why isn't that?
Speaker 1:we shouldn't be drinking like. Why do we do it? Um, so this was a. Someone said that they wrote that they were so drunk that they were messaging the Boohoo help team. What? Yeah, they were messaging the Boohoo help team for a taxi. Do you know who I'm like on Twitter, or X now, as it's called? So here's another one. The drunken text was a man I know from town text me and he told me he had to tell me something and I said what. I thought it was serious, and he's reply I am the batman no, like what is actually wrong with the world?
Speaker 1:like seriously that'd be funny, though, like if I got that I'd laugh. Do you know what I mean? I? Would too, to be fair, like he's a funny little fucker, yeah now he would have a chance maybe of getting a date the next day you know, funny, there's a bit of like humour there the energy he was bringing of like humor there.
Speaker 2:The energy he was bringing to the table, yeah, the energy was like.
Speaker 1:You know, he he's like oh, he's a laugh, do you know? I mean, it's not like a sleazeball, like sliding into your dms, you know yeah, slithering.
Speaker 2:So on this week's josie dodgers Dilemma, we have girls. I cannot explain how mortified, or if they should be even more mortified. Where do I begin? I don't think I can even look at them in the face ever again.
Speaker 2:I was out at a family party last weekend and I left a bit earlier than everyone else, got home and presumed everyone was still out, as as all the lights were switched off in the house, lo and behold, I walk into my aunt and my uncle in the kitchen. I screamed, they screamed and we stared at each other for about five minutes. Sorry, I meant to say doing it in the kitchen. Doing it in the kitchen. We screamed at each other for about five minutes. Sorry, I meant to say doing it in the kitchen. Doing it in the kitchen, screamed at each other for about five, made eye contact and screamed for about five minutes. I'm super close to them. They're like my second parents. I know this might seem a bit minor but honestly scared me for life. As I asked, as I saw absolutely everything. I mean everything, plus he was eating a donor kebab at the same time.
Speaker 2:No, the dirty bastard how do I go back from this, as we still haven't spoken? It's just awkward nightmares.
Speaker 1:No, donor kebab like how? So he was eating it while he was doing the business? No, no, the donor kebab, it's the donor kebab like how? So he was eating it while he was doing the business? Was he like, were they actually?
Speaker 2:like that can't. I'm sorry whoever sent this in. That can't be real. It can't be real because, that that right there is not okay.
Speaker 1:He needs help and so does she. Have you ever had a donor kebab? Like just alone, eating it while you're drunk? Like it is the messiest thing in the world. Like there is sauce. Like you're like a two-year-old child. Like if you're that intoxicated and you're eating a donor kebab, it's. It's not for the faint-hearted. Like it is wild?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely not.
Speaker 1:So he was doing the business with the movement and eating a donor kebab. Who is this lad? Pat Mustard, seriously Fucking hell.
Speaker 2:Sorry, like I honestly don't know. Like when I looked at this earlier right, I only glimpsed through it because I was so busy or whatever, and shot it into the folder and I was like I was looking at it then just before the podcast and I was like what no, what Like this? I'm trying to wrap my head.
Speaker 1:Were they doing it backwards or normally? Because, oh my god, I'm trying to wrap my head. Were they doing it like backwards or like normal way? Because if it was backwards, the poor woman has fucking lettuce and like chicken kebab all over her back are they eating it together one or the other? Like that, sauce is saucing everywhere, like they need a bath, that sauce, like they need a bath after that, like they need to be hosed down yeah, but like honestly, I just no, I just can't.
Speaker 1:He's obviously very skillful at multitasking. Do you know what I mean? He must be very hungry, like was he even enjoying the action. If he was like like how can you enjoy? I mean, that's a man's probably best dream they're like, they're not good at multitasking, so some one part of it was not being done properly. Do you know what I mean? And I'm taking it was the action part that wasn't done properly. It seems like the kebab was getting devoured.
Speaker 2:It wasn't the only thing getting devoured.
Speaker 1:Literally. Oh, back to the poor nephew. I think you just need to make a joke about it and just laugh it off. I think you need to break the ice and just be like oh, is that so lads?
Speaker 2:how was that donor kebab?
Speaker 1:yeah, like I think you just need to pass it off as a joke and then it'll be just, it'll be less awkward, like, because if you keep avoiding each other and avoiding eye contact, it's just going to be like fucking hell yeah, no, I feel I me personally I don't think I'd be able to move on from that.
Speaker 2:Like I would absolutely have a nightmare as well. Like not the fact, like a fair enough, they were doing it, whatever in the kitchen, like fair enough. That's like yeah, it's up there with like one of my nightmares, but the messiness of the kebab and the whole sexual tension going on all in one like no, I just don't know how you'd like have sex with a man while he's eating a donut kebab and the whole sexual tension going on all in one like no.
Speaker 1:I just don't know how you'd like have sex with a man while he's eating a donor kebab.
Speaker 2:That's disgusting like sorry how was she married to this man, please?
Speaker 1:I can't even look at myself eating a donor kebab never mind a man while he's meant to be like doing his business. Sorry, no, I'm a bit shook by this. Oh yeah, but I think you need to break the ice and just make a joke and avoid him for like a few weeks and then hopefully it'll be all forgotten about yeah, just move on from that, because it's gonna haunt you, otherwise literally it will.
Speaker 1:I just, I just I don't know, I just can't be real, like I just I don't know, it's the weirdest, I just I'm shook, I'm shook, yeah, what the hell like. So, to finish off our little short and sweet episode for today, for our affirmation of the week we have nothing is impossible. The world itself says I'm possible, and this is from audrey hepper. I love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a cute little one to end a wild little podcast but thank you so much for tuning in and make sure you follow us on our socials and the bougie blondes podcast on instagram, and you can follow us on apple podcast and spotify as well, um, and because all this helps our little podcast grow. So please stay tuned and be in the loop and we will see you next week and we'll chat to you next week bye.
