Your Brain Got A Notification And Started Drama Club

A three-word message can hijack a whole day. We’ve all seen it: “Let’s chat tomorrow.” With almost no data, our minds rush to fill the gaps—either fantasizing about wins that aren’t here yet or catastrophizing about problems that may not exist. We unpack that mental snap and share a practical way to reclaim calm, clarity, and control when communication is short and stakes feel high.

We break down the two common traps. Fantasizing lifts us into glossy outcomes—the promotion, the big client, the freedom—while skipping the gritty work, tradeoffs, and time it takes to get there. Catastrophizing does the opposite, turning a neutral signal into threat and freezing action with analysis paralysis. Both reactions are powerful and human, and both pull us away from reality-based leadership. The fix isn’t pretending to be emotionless; it’s learning to spot the story, name the feeling, and return to facts that can guide the next wise step.

You’ll hear a simple three-step playbook you can use today. First, ask for clarifying data to narrow the unknowns: a single question often adds the context you need. Second, if your mind is spiraling, move the meeting sooner to shrink rumination time. Third, when details are not available, own the feeling and conduct a facts audit: list what is known, what is guessed, and plan only from the known. Along the way we share examples from entrepreneurship and organizational life, plus language you can copy to reset your self-talk. If you’re ready to turn vague pings into confident decisions, this conversation will help you lead yourself first—and everyone else better.

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Transcript

Mindset Sets The Stage

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello there. I'm David A. Suspect, and I want to be your coach. If there is anything that I've learned in my 30 plus years of leadership and coaching, I have learned that mindset is everything. Join me and my guests as we explore the positives and negatives of that thing between our ears. This is Keep This in Mind. A lot of um things are leading me into today's. Good morning, Angel, leading leading me into today's talk. Um we live in a world right now where there's communication is oftentimes in quick little spurts. You know, you get a team's uh notification or you get a text or you get an email. Very rarely are meetings or initialization of information in um in person. We just aren't in that that mode anymore. And it got me to contemplating about how we think and how we react to information. And so I want to share with you some of this may be a little bit of a refresher for those of you who've been in the community a long time. I have spoken on this multiple occasions. But I believe it's vitally important, both as a refresher to those of us who've been here, but also to the new people in the community. And that's what I want to talk about is how do we think, or like I like to say, how do we think or overthink? How do we think or overthink? So let's set up the the scenario. You ready? You receive a text, a team's message, or an email from an important person. This is the context of that message. Hey, let's chat tomorrow. I have some things I want to go over with you. And that's all you get. How do you react to that internally? How do you how do where where does your brain go when you receive messaging like that? Do you go, great, this must be about the fill in the blank that I've been working on? Or do you generally go, oh no, what went wrong? Why are they wanting to talk to me? Oh, this can't be good. Many of us fall into one of these two types of internal reactions. It's natural, it's normal, but it also can be very challenging for you as a leader, for you as an individual, depending on which way you go with this. And can I tell you neither way in the assumption game is very beneficial. Neither way in the assumption game is very beneficial. So we're gonna define these two types of reactions so that you can recognize it when you find yourself falling into these traps. So the first one, the positive or maybe even overly positive reaction we call fantasizing. Fantasizing. Fantasizing is sending your brain somewhere extremely positive, imagining what's possible based upon very little data. Very little data. Entrepreneurs who are a lot of my circle are notorious for fantasization. They like to call it manifesting, they like to call it uh see before you get there. Some even in the in the faith circles are like I am casting my faith out there. But the problem with fantasization is that it's oftentimes not dealing in 100% reality. In fact, entrepreneurs often fantasize about the success, the the flying on the private jet, the Lamborghini, the whatever, the time freedom. But they often miss all of the sacrifices, the hard work and the grind that it takes to get there. They see the destination without really contemplating the journey. Now, people that work within organizations often fantasize about the next step up the ladder, right? If I ever get to be the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, when I am the such and such and such and such. And in this fantasization, what ends up happening is many times the individuals fail to recognize the sacrifices or the headaches associated with the climb up the ladder. They see the destination. Again, this is the problem with thinking and overthinking based on two little facts. They see the destination, but they have absolutely no idea what the steps are that you can get there and what it's going to take and what it looks like. And so in the fantasy side of things, there is a lack of uh grounding in reality. There's nothing wrong with dreaming. I I am a I'm a huge dreamer. But when that dreaming turns into the fantasization of I'm already there, that's when it can become dangerous. Now, let's flip it. What's the other side of the fantasy overthinking process? It is catastrophizing. It is thinking about Murphy's Law than you do about thinking what might go right. Who knows what Murphy's Law is? Let me see your hands. Murphy's Law, if anything can go wrong, it will. An entire book was written about Murphy's Law. And what we end up doing in the catastrophizing side of things is we take just a little bit of data, we attach motive to it, we attach uh consequences to it, we attach all the things that could go wrong. Let me fix my camera again. And it stifles our activity. You may have heard of the term analysis paralysis. When you overthink a situation to the point of inaction, what ends up happening is you miss opportunities or you fail to handle situations. Look, the text, hey, I'd like to chat with you tomorrow, may very well be a very negative situation. But oftentimes we blow it up so big in our minds because we catastrophize that we avoid or or we get knots in our stomach and we get all the problems that go along with catastrophizing. And like I said, both sides of this coin can be detrimental. Both sides, the fantasized side and the catastrophized side. Why? Because they're not based 100% in reality. And when we allow ourselves to think outside of reality, that is when poor decisions are made. They tell you never to make major life decisions after a major life event. Because you don't, you cannot process things logically when you're in a very strong emotional state. Well, catastrophizing and fantasizing are both strong emotional states. And making those decisions based upon limited data, added on with your fantasization or your catastrophizing will result in poor decisions or no decisions or no action. So we spent half our time defining this. I want to spend the back half of our time giving you the tools necessary to really get through these situations because you will and I will receive the limited data communications, because that's the world we live in. So great leaders combat this with the facts. They remind themselves that assigning more to facts than is evident leads to poor decisions. So the first thing you want to do, if if this is a thing that has really kind of knocked you off your game, either positively or negatively, there is nothing wrong with asking for more data. Just ask the clarifying question, something like, I am looking forward to our meeting. Is there anything I need to prepare in advance? This gives the other person the opportunity to provide more data and more context to the meeting. Can I tell you that a lot of times in my own walk, in my own leadership walk, somebody will say, Hey David, I need to talk to you. And I don't ask the question and I go into it thinking that there's this major incident that I have to deal with, only to find out it was something minor and something easy to handle. But yet I had gotten myself so emotionally wrenched by overthinking and not asking the clarifying questions that I added so much to the facts, and that is not good for my health, my leadership, or my decision making. So let me encourage you that. Ask those clarifying questions. Now, the person on the other end may not want to give you an answer. You know, it's perfectly within their purview to say, you know what? No, we'll get into it when we meet tomorrow. Okay, fine. What do I do with that? Own it. Feel every bit of it. Feel go ahead and feel the anxiety. Okay, you've got to feel it. You you I can't tell you how to feel. You feel how you feel. I feel how I feel. I got a text yesterday from an individual who's a close friend who no longer is part of my organization on an employee standpoint. And he said, David, can we talk? I need to, I want to talk to you so you answer me honestly and openly. And my brain went to all kinds of things. And I had to say, I step number two, pushing up the meeting. Knowing that I'm going to overthink this, I said, sure, let's talk now. What do you want to do? Do you want to call me? It turned out to be a text conversation, and it was about what I thought it was, but it wasn't as dry dramatic as my brain was going to. Many times you can move up the meeting time asking for a sooner meeting as opposed to a 24 hours away or next week or whatever, because you know how you are. So you say, fantastic. I really am looking forward to our meeting. Is there any way we can go ahead and take care of it this afternoon? Do you have any openings in your schedule? Again, that puts it back on to the person who initiated the communication, but it also lets them know that you are wanting to go ahead and engage about this. Now remember, you're dealing with your own emotions, your own brain that's adding, adding motive facts, and things that aren't part of what's right in front of you. And I've told you right now to begin, own it, feel it. But the next step, after you've owned it and feeled it, if you're not going to get any more information, if you can't move up the time of the meeting or the communication or whatever, then you have to take that step back and talk to yourself and ask yourself this question. What is the actual facts I'm dealing with? What are the actual facts that I'm dealing with? Am I dealing with just, are we in the middle of a project and this person's gonna ask me questions about this project? Uh, is it a positive thing? Is it something that I've that they may be getting back with me on? You have to begin to ask, what are the facts surrounding this communication? And then you have to tell yourself, okay, that's all we can deal with. That's it. That's all we can deal with. So my my my challenge for you is be willing to ask clarifying questions, to ask to push up the meeting time or the communication time, however you're you're handling this. Or three, telling yourself just to calm down and what are the facts. If you'll do these three things, can I promise you it's always going to be the way you wanted it to turn out? No. This is life. Can I tell you that you're not gonna overthink the situation? No. But what we're doing is we're giving you tools to deal with you, giving me tools to deal with me. When I tend to overthink, I have to stop and say, David, wait a minute. What are the facts that you're dealing with? What is the actual fact that's in front of you? Okay, you're gonna have a meeting, they want to talk about something, and you and they're they're saying that it's not important enough to give you more preparation. So therefore, go into this with the opportunity to react positively. Doing these things would when you employ these things, you'll get better at it. Will you overcome a tendency to fantasize or catastrophize? No, you won't. Your brain is wired the way your brain is wired, and yes, you can rewire it over time, but it's not gonna happen tomorrow. You may get a text today that your brain, but now that you can recognize that it's your brain's tendency to fantasize or catastrophize, once you know that the that you're dealing with the situation up here, now you can begin to take the steps to help alleviate that situation. The beauty of part of the brain is it is super powerful. The downside is that it's super powerful. So knowing this and dealing with the tools that we're giving you in dealing with these communication slash mindset situations will go a long, long way, helping you in your career, your life, and your leadership. That is going to do it for this episode of Keep This in Mind. For more, visit Davidaspect.com. Like, follow, and subscribe. Thank you for listening. And remember, applied knowledge is power. God bless.