Turning Past Pain Into Forward Motion

When life hits hard, the story we tell next decides where we go. We lean into a raw, honest conversation about trauma, loss, and the fragile line between a stumbling block and a stepping stone. No slogans. No shortcuts. Just two entrepreneurs and coaches unpacking how faith, mindset, and daily decisions can turn pain into progress without denying the weight of grief.

David shares how his father’s sudden passing forced him from comfort to capability, shifting him from “owner’s son” to accountable leader. Omar says that pivot wasn’t glamorous; it was books, reps, and responsibility with families depending on a paycheck. We dig into the pull of victimhood, why sympathy can stall momentum, and how to accept the event without adopting it as identity. David brings a faith-forward lens, drawing on Romans 8:28 to keep meaning honest: not all things are good, but all things can be worked for good when we choose purpose over paralysis.

We map practical moves for anyone facing adult adversity; IRS letters, layoffs, divorce papers, business failures—and break them into decision moments: feel it, frame it, then act. From “win today” habits to skilling up with modern tools like podcasts and AI, we show how to build traction one clear step at a time. The culture puts heroes on pedestals and forgets the losses that shaped them; we make those losses useful. Champions are forged by setbacks, not spared from them.

If your past has been steering the wheel, this conversation hands it back. Take what serves you, release what binds you, and write a better next chapter. Listen, subscribe, and share this with someone who needs a nudge to move from stuck to starting. If it helped, leave a review and tell us the one action you’ll take today.

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Transcript

Welcome And Banter Outdoors

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hello there. I'm David A. Spect, and I want to be your coach. If there is anything that I have learned in my 30 plus years of leadership and coaching, I have learned that mindset is everything. Join me and my guests as we explore the positives and negatives of that thing between our ears. This is Keep This in Mind. Good morning. Welcome to 30 Minutes of Wisdom with David and Omar and Omar and David. Omar? Yeah, I am jealous. I know you're not feeling that this jealousy right now, but you are outside in the sun, and I got cloudy skies here, but you also have a very good reason for being outside in the sun.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Well, well, it there's always a price to pay.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

So yeah, yeah. No, AC down, uh, compressor. The best part about it though is usually it's the other way around. Usually that goes out in the summer when it's like hot and humid, but it's actually been in the 50s. Oh yeah. So yeah. Finally, luck be a lady tonight for me.

Framing The Topic: Trauma’s Role

Victim Mindset Versus Ownership

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Well, I I want to kind of dive in. I know you're gonna your your video may go in and out, and that's fine, but um we you asked me Tuesday, you're like, what do you want to talk about this Thursday? And I and I sent it back to you. I said, How about this? Is your past trauma a stumbling block or a stepping stone? And I I don't pick that subject lightly because I feel like that this is something that is one of the things that holds so many people back from their potential, is whatever upbringing they have, whenever you know gut punch they got, you know, it it's it seems to always be the the path backwards, right? It's always the thing that that really well, I can't because, or you don't understand because and I I kind of want to you know throw it your direction just a little bit, but talk about how because you've got you've got a story, I hate to say story full of trauma, that's not what I mean, but your story is a story of overcoming, and I believe that we make a choice with regard to trauma. We don't choose what happens to us, we choose what we do with what happens to us. So, kind of break it down for me a little bit in your story.

Faith And Meaning From Hard Things

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Of course. So the the problem is everybody loves this plain victim mentality because it gives us an excuse to be on the sidelines, it gives us an excuse to not be able to start or wanting people to give us a cyber hug to you know, maybe give us a little dopamine hit because oh my gosh, we have we're we're seeking validation on you know, being med or being below average, or just our self-destructive behavior and patterns, you know. Well, it's because of my past, we all have the story. We all, and I mean, I I lived that way for years at an early age in my 20s until like my late 20s, and it was like life isn't fair. If it was, we'd all have last names of Vanderbilt and Carnegie and J and Morgan. So it's not, you can do two things. You can use your story to maybe inspire, to motivate. It it and that's what it usually, you know. I that's that's the way I look at things. I mean, I I remember one time back in your neck of the woods, Murfreesboro, I was allowed to speak, and uh a woman wanted to give me a hug because you know, because of my trauma and my story. And it's like that's not the reason why to, you know, I use it because I want you to to, I want, I want to say yes, you know, I'm just like you. It it's the the past is just the story, it's not where we live. Who cares, man? Uh I mean, I speak about it freely because you know, it's ancient history, it's not something I live in every single day, but people love to live in their trauma, love to live in their failures. A failure is just an event. Trauma is just an event. Now we we don't need to carry it like our cross, you know, we're we're in we're in lent season. Let Jesus do that. He did that already. You man, we we were all created in God's image. So we're created all to be rock stars, to be legends, to be to quote uh um Joel Osteen, Victors and not Victors.

Adult Loss As A Defining Pivot

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Well, I I'm glad you brought up the the aspect of faith because you know, um one of the scriptures that my wife and I stand on a lot is Romans 8 28. You know, for all things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. And some people miss they look, I got a phone call. Hold on. No, a lot of people misinterpret that. It didn't say all things are good, it said all things work together for good, bad things, ugly things, traumatic things. If we allow them to be used for good, they can be worked for good. And many of us, when when not good happens to us, we see it as some sort of uh rejection of our life, of our purpose, of our sense of being, of our worth. And the truth of the matter is nobody gets through life unscathed. We all deal with trauma different levels. Again, I'm not I'm not assigning value or levels to trauma because I think we could get down a slippery slope. But everybody experiences some form of trauma throughout their life, it's just the way it is, and we have that that overcoming mentality, the ability to to you know learn from, grow from, overcome trauma, really does put people in a in a forward momentum. And what I've noticed, uh you know, none of the the the big names that we all know get up on stage and say, you know what, I had the best life. I was, you know, it was smooth sailing all the way until this stage. And no, they they talk about the failures, they talk about the stomach punches, they talk about you know, you know, bankruptcies and all of the things, and yet we expect to go through this life and not have things happen to us. It it really is kind of a short-sighted mentality, or it it, I mean, put it to you this way, Dave.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

I mean, we're at the stage now, society, that when someone does bad, whether it's a shooting or they're uh a murderer or they're a serial killer, let's let's look at their past. What traumatic event? No, man. That is that is such a cop-out. I mean, we're both you know playing the back nine of our lives. I mean, our trauma, most of the trauma that we carry, the story we carry is so old. I mean, if I wanted to blame, you know, my schooling or my past or my history or my upbringing, it's like I'm gonna be 53 in July. I've been an adult longer than I've been a child. At what time uh can I just say own up to it?

Decision Moments After Setbacks

SPEAKER_01 8:13

And yeah, let's talk about uh adult trauma for a minute, because there's all these pivotal moments in our lives when the unexpected happens. You know, maybe it is the IRS showing up on your front door and saying, Oh, you owe, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars in back taxes. In my case, you know, my dad died in the span of 10 days, went into the hospital with breathing problems and didn't come out. And that those moments are very defining to all of us. You know, in a lot of cases, my dad passed when I was uh, let's see, 2011. I had just turned 42. And can I tell you, I was in a lot of ways still a very immature 42. And the his passing forced me to reevaluate my entire life where I was going and how I was going. And it really did change me and put me on a trajectory to where I am today. As a result of his passing, I started reading business books. You know, I was like, I've got to skill up because this whole company is on my shoulders. I began to to really listen to podcasts and put into practice and try things that I never had before. It was so convenient to sit in the pocket of, well, I'm the owner's son and I can, you know, do these things that I already know how to do. But when that, when that safety net was removed, it was one of those moments it's like, okay, I I I gotta grieve, but I also gotta work. I've gotta, you know, deal with the loss, but I also have to, I have all these families counting on me to keep this business afloat. So trauma as an adult actually becomes defining moments for our lives.

SPEAKER_00 10:07

Well, it it's it's that sink or swim. And you know, we we feel like we while we are the center of our universe, so are we gonna show everybody everybody an amazing story, or are we gonna show everybody a horror story? Everybody has loss as an adult. The older you get, the more people, the more family members, the more friends.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

You start reading the obituaries first in the paper.

Heroes, Movies, And Your Story

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Exactly. You know, I I wake up every day uh, you know, making sure I'm still breathing, you know? Yeah, and that's that that and then I I thank God that I'm still alive. But yeah, everybody, you know, this fear, there's always loss. Uh death in a relationship, uh, your business having to liquidate, having to come scale back, sometimes having to scale up. But you have to, you have to take that moment and you have to decide. Because no one here is gonna save you. God gave you all the tools. Jesus Christ gave you all the tools. The thing is, everybody loves to, you know, well, you know, this is the reason why, you know, you you you could have been in pure pity, a victim mode. Oh, my dad died. There, there's because I know people like this, oh well, that that there's the valid, there's the proof that there's no heaven. There's the proof that there's no God. And it's like, holy smokes, if that's the case, we'd probably have like one trillion people still walking around. It's just a part of life, you know. It's the like the Lion King, the circle of life, man. But yes, uh we've all been there, we've all gotten that that that you know knee-jerk reaction. 11 days, 12 days, two weeks before that event, your father was fine. Yeah, you know, right now there's somebody not expecting that the knock on the door from the Merylman handing uh and expecting the signature saying you owe 100,000, 200,000 to the IRS. Someone's being someone's on the verge of getting served those divorce papers, someone's on on the verge of say having the bank say no. You know, we've we've sp we've given you enough credit towards your bank. No, they're they're on the verge of losing their mortgage, of being evicted. But you have to ask yourself, what are you going to do? Are you going to rise? Because traumatic experiences like this, the way I look at it is yes, it's a defining moment, but it's a gift. It's a gift from the universe, from God, from someone to say, now are you going to level up? You've been playing safe for so long. Are you going to overcome this obstacle? Because these are all just obstacles. These are all things that people have overcome for way before you, with lesser cards, with with with life being even more of a burden to them. So quit play, quit playing pity party, man. There, I mean, we have tools right now. We have the internet, we have chat GPT, we have AI, we have so many things that 30, 20 years ago, man, we were stuck because we didn't have it. But yet all our results are the same. Divorce rates the same. Uh bankruptcy is the same. Uh business is closing. You would think with the amount of tools to market yourself, your store free too. That, you know, but instead we're we're too busy here. We're we're trying to do caricatures of ourselves because it it gives us an out. Because, oh my gosh, doing the work, man, that sucks. That's so uncomfortable.

Tools Exist, Excuses Persist

SPEAKER_01 14:25

I I love I love how you how you you put that, you know, these the these defining moments. I see it as decision moments, right? It's just like, okay, this has happened, whether it's my own fault or an outside force that I couldn't control. In that moment, I can make a decision. Am I going to move forward? Am I going to pivot? Am I going to skill up? You know, I think about the the people, you know, and you've seen it, Omar. You know, back in the early 2000s, Walmart had greeters. And the greeters were old people that would, you know, retirees, they would they would smile, they would give the kids the happy face sticker, etc. But the story behind every one of those greeters was somebody who needed to go back to work for whatever reason. And a lot of times it was because they either had no retirement or the retirement was running out and they had to make ends meet. And can you imagine if those people had just said, you know what, it must be my time. I can't do it. I'm not gonna do it. It's not, you know, God's against me, whatever. But they they made a decision, they made a decision to go back to work, and so many of us lack the intestinal fortitude to make the decision to go to work. Is it fun? No. Do you want to go back to, you know, and you don't go back to square one, but you don't want to go back to even square five, you know, to start a new journey because you've been on this other journey for 20 something, 30 something years. But sometimes you just have to do that, and it's not your fault, but it is now your responsibility to pivot.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Well, exactly. Life isn't fair, man. You don't get to decide when when there's adversity at what level of adversity. It's not like these Walmart greeters, people at McDonald's, people at Disney World, life got or whatever, said, Hey, you know what? You're an amazing person. You're a great person. You went to church service, you know, you helped you helped out your community. Oh, we'll we'll put you instead of starting out at square one, we'll we'll put you somewhere in the middle. That's not how that's not how life works, man. I I it was, but so that's that's why you have to you have to literally apply people like that, and not everybody there is there because they're on the verge of eating calf. It's just sometimes people are just bored.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Yeah, true, true. I I I don't want to diminish the effect of trauma because I you know there are some really, really, really, really bad things that happen. And and I oh, for sure. Um, but at the same time, the same decision applies. It may be a little bit harder or a lot harder to make, but the same decision applies. Is it going to be a stumbling block or a stepping stone? Is it going to trip me up to the place where you know all I do is end up in the fetal position somewhere? Or is it gonna be the thing that says, you know what, I've got to step things up? And let me let me be very clear, especially to those of you watching live. You can still have a moment of pity party. You can still feel the feels, experience the grief, experience the hurt. You can you can end up in a fetal position. I'm just saying don't stay there permanently.

Champions Are Forged By Adversity

Everything Is Temporary: Win Today

SPEAKER_00 18:01

There's a mourning period, you know, at 24 48 hours, that's fine, man. But what happens is people create create the story that this is now their reality. This is this is who who they are. They don't see themselves as the David anymore. They don't they don't see themselves as a hero in a story. They they they see themselves as as as weak, as me, as hopeless. I mean, we we we love an amazing everybody loves watching the story of someone overcoming adversity. I mean, just look at the Olympics. We're still celebrating beating Canada because last time we won the gold in hockey was 1980, which which I remember the miracle on ice. We're we're both old enough to remember that. Put it to you this way: if we had the same results as Canada, would we still be celebrating it? Would it be such an accomplishment? No. But it's we're we're we're the David. That's why we love watching Rocky. Oh my gosh, the Joe Peluca, you know, that the average everyday guy to become becoming the well, Rocky won. Just just a guy like that, just to go the distance. Yeah, we lost. He lost, people remember that. He didn't win till Rocky II. Yes, but just that's if they would have never made Rocky II, three, four. The thing is, oh my gosh, he went the distance with the world champion, you know. Everything had that has that story, the karate kid, Star Wars. It's like, oh my gosh, well, you can be your own damn hero in your story, man. You don't need the Death Star. You you you don't need Cobra Kay Dojo. You you you don't need to to to win the the All Valley State Karate Championship. We go, we go to these, everybody loves these movies and they attend it's because they want something like that. They don't understand, you know, they can create their own happy endings, yes. And that's why they love the gurus because the gurus are two things. Guru will tell you, man, I was just like you're just like me. And then they go, they they tell their life story of everything they overcame. That hey, you you could be there for sales, or you could be there for how to live longer or how to lose weight, and they'll go from you know, the boy meets girl, the part A all the way through to the end, and you're like, Oh my gosh, that's such an amazing story. This guy, let's put him on a pedestal. Holy smokes! Maybe if I if I'm like one percent of this guy, you know, I too can be like him. No, you can't be like him, but you can be the very best version of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Yes, and you don't want their story, you want your story.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Exactly. So many clo so many copycats, though, right? Like they're Kool-Aid, man. Nobody wants the best. God didn't create all this to be the copycats of someone else. That person's already taken. God created you to be the very best version of you, Dave, and me, Omar, and you the listener.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

And as you are seeing your story unfold, there is going to be adversity. There has been adversity. Um, degrees of adversity um vary based upon the person. You know, not every story is the same, nor should it be. But if you want your final chapter to be the victorious chapter, Chapter, you have to decide that the adverse chapters matter, but they don't hinder.

Closing, Resources, And Blessing

SPEAKER_00 22:10

No, they they matter because life would be boring too, Dave, if there was no adversity, if there was no gut gut check moment, if you weren't punched in the gut, if you weren't thrown down. You know, no imagine going to the movies and just, you know, the the hero is just mid, no adversity, gets his goal happily ever after. Danny LaRusso moves from New Jersey to Southern Cal. You know, he'd be friends. Everybody thinks he's an amazing guy. He's with Ollie with an eye, still. Boring movie. And he decides, hey, you know, uh, I'm just gonna do I I did karate at the Y. Let let me show everybody I'm a decent karate guy. He he he he joins the tournament. He uh he's self-taught.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

He and Johnny Lawrence are best friends. Oh, wait, no, that's the that's this show.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

There's no father-son dynamics like Mr. Miyagi and him. It it's just you know, everything's just there. It's boring. But everybody wants Easy Street, man. Everybody wants the abs. Everybody wants the Lambo. Nobody wants to go through the journey. No, nobody wants to go have to go through the fire in order to come out way better. And and adversity makes everybody it's so much better. Every, everybody, every even everybody that we look up to, whether it's a football coach, I mean, every every legend out there, even Nick Saban, had to start by losing a renawing. There was always doubt. I mean, you know, there's this renaissance that everybody that Nick Saban at LSU the first year, we were like, what the heck? We hired this guy, you know. Yes, we had a winning season, but we lost a renawin. He lost a renawin the first year at at Bama.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Yeah, he lost to he lost to Monroe his first year at Bama.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Yeah. And uh uh, you know, Les Miles was making fun of it. Uh you know, everybody, because there's always adversity. I I mean Ohio State, Coach Day, everybody wanted to run the guy out of town and he wins a natty, and then he comes close to the rec replic, you know, going back to back. But everybody, everybody has a short-term memory because when we put somebody up on a pedestal, we don't remember when they're down. We just remember when they're up.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

Come on now. So at the end of the day, folks, you have to understand the storms come, adversity comes, and it's part of your story. And so, therefore, when they come, try to get the right mindset, the right perspective into feel the feels, experience the hurt, have the grief, but don't let it define your future as a stumbling block. Begin to let it define your future as a stepping stone. Because, like Omar was talking about, and I and and Omar, I think you and I have talked about this before. When they're standing on the platform at the end of the Super Bowl, it is the same speech from every team that's up there. They're like, We we overcame so much adversity this season to win this to win this championship. And that is that's how champions are made is by overcoming adversity.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Exactly. Even perfection had always those flaws. Like everybody, I mean, heck, Joe Burrow, 2019, everybody loves talking about it. 2018, I mean, he had to go transfer out of Ohio State to you know LSU and and he had his rough moments. We all have our rough moments. You have to remember everything though is temporary. And if if you are at rock bottom, you can't be grasping at well two years ago and relive your past. We can't relive our glory days. Everything is temporary. If you right now are crushing it and winning it, have be even keel because it's temporary. The bad, the good, the ugly, enjoy, release. Where the the bad, the hurt, take it in, release it, and then say, hey, all I'm gonna do, all I need to do now is win today. And how does winning today look like? Don't say, well, you know, 10 years ago I was crushing it. No, that's the past. This version, this story, this chapter, what are you gonna do to win right now? To win just today, short term.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

I don't have anything to add to that, Omar. That that was the perfect way to bring this all home. Folks, those of you who are on live, those of you who are on the podcast, whoever you are, follow both of us on social media, begin to engage with us, go to elevate successpath.com and see what we have to offer. We want to help you navigate this thing called life from an entrepreneur's and small business owners' perspective, but it also from the perspective of people who have experienced what you're experiencing. We have been there, we are there, we're working with you each and every day, just as we're working on ourselves. We're not better than you, we're just in the fight with you. So, Omar, thanks again for today. Look forward to to jump in on. It's gonna be two weeks before we can get back on. I have a a uh real estate orientation I gotta do in third in two weeks, next week.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

But actions make the heart grow fonder.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

Yes, it does. All right, guys, thank y'all so much. I hope everybody has a blessed day and a blessed rest of their week. God bless. That is going to do it for this episode of Keep This in Mind. For more, visit Davidaspect.com. Like, follow, and subscribe. Thank you for listening. And remember, applied knowledge is power. God bless.