Sexual Healing Part Two

Can a chaotic household really destroy marital intimacy? Discover the critical steps to maintaining a healthy intimate connection with your spouse, even amidst household chaos and personal traumas. We promise practical advice on creating an orderly home environment that fosters closeness, and how to navigate the common but tricky issue of children sleeping in the marital bed. You'll learn why it's essential to establish boundaries and how continuous effort is needed to sustain a fulfilling marital relationship, beyond the honeymoon phase.

Why do so many couples struggle with intimacy after marriage? We tackle this provocative question by exploring the dangers of incorporating pornography and external fantasies into the marital bed. Understand the insatiable nature of lust and the importance of renewing your mind to maintain a pure, God-honoring connection with your spouse. With a focus on mutual satisfaction and respect, this episode emphasizes the sanctity of the marriage bed and offers actionable insights to keep external influences at bay. Join us for a deep, insightful conversation that will help you preserve and honor the unique bond you share with your partner.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Healthy Intimacy in Marriage
• 13:16 "Honoring Intimacy in Marriage"

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:13

What's up everybody?

Speaker 2: 0:15

Hello everybody. Welcome to Teen Wade, where we're giving you tools for a successful marriage. We in the house Good to see everybody. It's been a little while since we have recorded, but we want to bring you a part two to the last video that we released, which was called Sexual Healing Very important topic. We want to make sure that everybody is having a healthy intimacy in your marriage healthy because it's important it's important, it's vitally important for a good, healthy marriage.

Speaker 1: 0:51

Uh, you have to have consistency in you know, a lot of times the intimacy play out of other areas of your life. It's a reflection of expression of love and connectivity with your spouse. Absolutely. But a lot of times people get so many other issues going on that it clouds or it creates issues for that part of the relationship.

Speaker 2: 1:19

And that is so true, and so it can create a lot of frustration. When your life is out of whack, then your household is out of whack, and the last thing on your mind ladies, mostly women, mostly wives the last thing on your mind when things are out of whack and out of control and this, what this oriented, or or just just chaos is intimacy. We want peace, we want our minds clear, we want the kids to have had their baths, we want the kids to have had their bedtime. Story if the kids are up knocking around in their room, they're supposed to be sleeping. Our minds are on our family. So you're right, it's important, it's an important factor that things are not chaotic and that you have a disciplined household. Oh, I like that word. A disciplined household, a disciplined household will breed peace, and it'll breed you wanting having more time to be intimate with your spouse.

Speaker 1: 2:24

So let's get back to more time, ok, because what usually happens with younger families, which we've gone through this season of our life and thank God we're in a different season of our life, and thank God we're in a different season but early on, when you have young children, you got to understand you're going to work, pick up kids, cook or get some need, or we got to go here, we have to go there, and so if you don't create a consistent schedule for the children, guess what? They're going to be up all night.

Speaker 2: 2:58

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 2:59

Jumping, bouncing around, doing whatever they want to do, and now, all of a sudden, you all want to spend intimate time and enjoy each other. Yeah, but you did not create an environment conducive for that, absolutely, and so part of that is you don't create a structure or an order in your house, so a lot of people don't have order, and so you have that chaotic environment and the kids just bouncing around, jumping around. They not sleep, or they either can be in and out of your room when they get ready, which is a whole nother thing, or altogether three, four, five, six years old still sleeping in y'all bed. Can?

Speaker 2: 3:44

you help me. That's lack of discipline or there could be some other issues going on with whoever is allowing that to be. Maybe you have some separation anxiety With your child, with your child. Maybe you have some some. This is real now. These are real problems. Uh, maybe you have some issues going on, um, that happened to you as a child and you have a fear there in your in your mind or in your soul that you need some healing from, or some trauma. Uh, so so those are some of the reasons why people tend to keep the children, the babies, in the bedroom upwards to three and four years old. That is unacceptable. If your child does not have a medical issue that you need to watch closely and they're totally healthy, there's no reason why your baby should be in your bed at all. And then you're complaining about your marriage. You're complaining about no, no romance going on. You know your husband around around there kicking the dog. He upset because ain't nothing going on but the rent and the kids did I just describe somebody's household?

Speaker 1: 4:53

but the rent and the kids um.

Speaker 2: 4:56

So that's just a reality. These are real, real situations, and so we are here to help you get those kids out of that bedroom. Listen, go through that one week or week and a half of crying and being uncomfortable, yeah.

Speaker 1: 5:14

Having their way For them to break, weaned off of being able to lay under your warm body yes, and then also deal with the trauma or whatever happened to you in your childhood come on that that has caused you to want to keep the children that close to you.

Speaker 2: 5:32

If the children are in between you, then the children can come between you. Oh, I'm gonna say that again for somebody way in the back if the children are between you, then the children can come between you, oh my god. And so we don't want anything coming in between you and your marriage, because the children are going to grow up, they're going to get married, they're going to get their own husband, their spouses, and we, you know, we know that they ain't gonna be bothered about you.

Speaker 1: 5:58

And there you are gonna be, with your husband looking at him funny, or with your wife looking at her hopefully they make it, because by this time the children gone and the marriage been strained, so much stress has been put on it yeah that it can't withstand once the children are gone, because you didn't.

Speaker 1: 6:17

You didn't build a healthy marriage yeah and especially the intimate part and the thing that always gets me as being pastors you, you, you pastor people that are single and they dating each other and can't keep their hands off one another when they're dating. Then they get married and you have a legal bed. That marriage is honorable and all in the bed is undefiled. That now they don't even want to be intimate with each other.

Speaker 2: 6:44

Yeah, now god is honoring and please well, that's just the nature, the nature of the flesh and how the flesh loves stolen bread, because it's sweet, it's sweet so. So the nature of that flesh is, you know when I can do something that I know I'm not supposed to be doing. It's sweeter and it causes, you know, all kinds of repercussions I found that holiness is sweet, it is righteousness right, it's a trick, but let me say this.

Speaker 2: 7:12

Let me say this going back to the trauma, this is a pretty serious. I want to be serious concerning this. Sexual trauma is real and when you have experienced some form of violation as a child and you get married, you have to be sure that you have have been made whole in that area, because you can unconsciously take it out on your spouse and your spouse will, in turn, think it's rejection that's coming from you. But it's important for you to recognize if that's something that's still there and get whole so that you will not sabotage your marriage and we need to talk about ways you get hold.

Speaker 1: 7:59

We recommend that you allow God to heal your brokenness. You also need to see someone, get a good therapist that you can talk to and walk through that process of healing from a certified counselor and preferably Christian, that they give you a Christian perspective. But also get with your man or woman of God especially the woman of God if you're a female and walk through that process and be able to have someone that can take you through that place of wholeness and healing and then meditate on the Word of God and what it says about you right now, because you don't want that situation to become your whole life and it's holding you captive and impacting and plaguing the rest of your life. Because that's what that thief comes to do. You want to steal, kill and destroy from every part of your life. So we encourage you to definitely deal with that, but outside, go ahead. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2: 9:00

And then also I recommend that you have a conversation with your spouse. Let your spouse know you know you don't have to talk in details about it, but let them know that it's not them, it's you. You have some issues that you have to work through. I'm sorry, Go ahead.

Speaker 1: 9:13

Oh, I forgot.

Speaker 2: 9:14

I forgot what you were going to say so.

Speaker 2: 9:16

Those were all great, those are really good points to do. So I, if you're watching this and that's you I pray that you take heed to those points, each and every one of them, and I guarantee you you're going to be happy that you did. Now I want to also move to this portion of sexual healing. So we counsel with a lot of people you know, people in ministry, just people in general, and I want to talk about this control in the bedroom that creates harm to the spouse controlling yes, so, so, so, oh, my god, yeah, so so so your counseling

Speaker 2: 9:59

so it's private, I would not say so. So your spouse is making the spouse is making the other spouse do things that's very uncomfortable to them, and it could be used at this, using the scripture, to manipulate the spouse to say you know, you're my wife, we're one, you're my husband, we're one, you're supposed to do this and everything that I tell you to do in the bedroom. You're supposed to do this because the bible says that your body is not your own, your body is mine okay, let's deal with something while we rush here.

Speaker 1: 10:37

Okay, because I want to deal with lust and perversion right here. Okay, because what? The reality is this? Just like in in first corinthians, chapter five, the apostle paul wrote a letter to the church at corinth right and in this letter he was addressing that there was a young man sleeping with his father's wife. No, no one did anything about it. No one addressed it. So Paul stepped in and said because he's unrepentant and you all not doing anything about it, we're going to turn such a one over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh that his soul may be saved in the day of salvation. Well, this is the thing A lot of times when we get born again.

Speaker 1: 11:23

Many of us have gotten caught into sexual perversion, lust and all type of pornography and, uh, menage a trois and throuples and all this old crazy stuff, and and it's demonic, it's worldly, it's not god's intent for marriage. So then what happens is, because you don't get delivered, because you don't get set free, your flesh has been preconditioned to have all of these sexual appetites and desires. That's unhealthy, that is unhealthy and unholy. Uh, because the reality is, you get into all of these perverse things because you have trained your body to do these things, and because you've trained it, you now bring it into the sanctity of marriage and it's not going to work. And so when your spouse don't want to do all this old crazy stuff, you know you're not turned on anymore.

Speaker 2: 12:28

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 12:28

Because the reason you're not turned on is because you have gone to a place you shouldn't have gone. You've crossed barriers you shouldn't have crossed, and so now you need deliverance and you need God to reset your proper, healthy, sexual appetite and renew your mind. Oh, you get that filth out and get that porn out your life.

Speaker 2: 12:51

And so I want to say this that nothing that is done against your will is of God in the marriage, because nobody should be able to violate your will. So I just want to say that for those of you who are feeling manipulated by the word, manipulated by your spouse telling you you must do this, you must do that, that's not the case.

Speaker 1: 13:13

Well, let me say this Mm-hmm. I've known cases where people say we got to spice it up a little bit. So now you bring pornography into your, your bedroom. I'm here to tell you as one who've been delivered from lust and all of that stuff. You got to understand this. While you're saying that you want to spice it up, it's going to be spicy. Okay, it's going to be demonic spicy, because what is going to happen?

Speaker 1: 13:45

The way pornography works, it works through images. So you're not going to be turned on by your spouse, you're going to be chasing that image and what's going to happen is going to get greater and greater, and there are people that have kept taking it to another level and it has destroyed them Even down to people with fantasies, with bringing other people into their bedroom and all that stuff. All of those things are perverted. Remember what God said marriage is honorable in all and the bed is undefiled. And so what has happened? Because you've created these appetites in you, you got to put that stuff to death. You have to renew your mind. If not, your sexual appetite going to remain what it is and you're going to think it's natural and you're going to think it's just you not knowing you open all these demonic doors and you you train your flesh a certain way.

Speaker 2: 14:41

And also let me say this that lust can never be fulfilled, never it will. It will promote you, it'll take you higher and higher and higher into further and further into perversion. And so, whether you're married, married people can have a spirit of lust.

Speaker 1: 14:56

Yes.

Speaker 1: 14:57

Just because you get married doesn't doesn't mean that that spirit if it's not cast out and renounced and cast out, then it can operate through a marriage. And some of you, with your sexual appetite that is abnormal, like every day and all that. So a lot of that stuff comes from, come from the spirit of lust. So you don't have a natural appetite. So you know, because you come from spiritual sexual lust, you could be being intimate every day with multiple different people and so you think it's normal. But it is not. Even when a woman is younger and her body go through the purification where monthly, uh, that lets you know, you, you can't be intimate every day anyway, because there's a process of time that you all have to be a part right there.

Speaker 1: 15:48

So we, we just want to help you understand because we, in a perverted day, we are and it's getting more perverted more and more where where people getting into all these different things, and then you get men of God that are out here teaching you some of these perverted things.

Speaker 2: 16:06

Right, there's this new thing, and I must say there's this new thing now where men of God are promoting having sexual doulas and helping hiring people to help you get to a certain place of intimacy with your spouse. I don't understand it.

Speaker 1: 16:25

I know we'll I understand it. It's not of God. That means there's some perversion somewhere.

Speaker 2: 16:29

There's some perversion somewhere. There's perversion no one should be that heavily involved in your intimate relationship with your spouse, let me tell you something.

Speaker 1: 16:36

We have a rule for us as men and women of God, one of the things you got to understand when you see something, you can't unsee it, because once you see it, you're gonna have to get it out of you. So if we're counseling a couple, when they get into things that, uh, that cross a line, sexual in nature, I don't, I don't want to be involved in that.

Speaker 1: 16:59

I will let my wife deal with that. If I'm dealing with a man, I can talk with him through certain things and it's still going to be a parameter on me. That's right. So but what happens is you got some men of God or women of God and they going into these details of your intimate bedroom. You got to be careful. These are some perverted people because they're going to cross lines that they shouldn't cross, and so if you got someone trying to teach you and tell you how to have sex in your bedroom, they have gone too far. Too far Because, think of it, the way God designed a husband and wife to be intimate was they both were supposed to be virgins.

Speaker 1: 17:47

So there was not a book, there was not a manual. The book in the manual is you enjoying each other and experimenting and find out what you like and that you don't like, and that even has a barrier on it. That is, certain lines you don't cross. Even in experiment. You shouldn't be going getting toys and and all of these different things. There are certain things that you you begin to cross a line into a whole nother level. So you got to be careful when people are trying to get into the intimate part of your bedroom. What we do? We give generalities for people but we don't get into specifics of what people should or what they shouldn't be doing. But you just have to be careful to make sure everything is honorable before God and honorable with your spouse.

Speaker 2: 18:40

So we'll say this and we'll wrap it up when you are sexually whole, because we're talking about sexual healing yeah, you are having fun and enjoying the intimate time being with the one that you love, satisfying one another. Satisfying one another, and that's what it's all about. What do?

Speaker 1: 18:56

you mean.

Speaker 2: 18:57

The marriage bed is honorable and it's not defiled. It's honorable to God, and so that doesn't mean bring anybody else in your marriage. No, where's the marriage bed?

Speaker 1: 19:08

It's between one husband and one wife, no pornography and no other people Right. So what do you mean? Pleasing one another? What does that mean?

Speaker 2: 19:19

That means that both people both you, your spouse you and your spouse should be should walk away smiling happy you should reach the, the pinnacle absolutely both, not one-sided. The pinnacle is you should climax every time you're with your husband and with your, your wife. Wow, that's how.

Speaker 1: 19:39

Wow, that's how God created it.

Speaker 2: 19:41

That's how God created it Wait a minute. Did you just say that? That's how God created us to have pleasure with one another. So we want you to be sexually whole. So take these points, meditate on them, get whole so you can enjoy your spouse and enjoy being sexually whole. Hallelujah, All right. Hope this helped you. Team Way signing out. We'll see you guys next time. God bless you.