The Team Wade Podcast

Make It Last Forever

• Team Wade

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What if the key to a successful marriage isn't about finding the perfect partner, but about navigating life's challenges with commitment and faith? Join us on Team Wade as we share the incredible journey of our 32-year marriage. Through personal anecdotes, we unravel the myth of a flawless relationship and explore how our strong personalities and early lack of wisdom led to hurdles that seemed insurmountable. Yet, it was our deep relationship with God and accountability to His word that ultimately guided us through, teaching us the power of viewing challenges as separate from the individuals involved.

As we journey through the different seasons of marriage, we reflect on how the guidance of the Holy Spirit helped us face parenting and financial challenges, and how a moment of self-reflection in the "glory closet" transformed our perspectives. By shifting our focus from each other's shortcomings to actions we could take to support one another, we learned the value of embracing change and letting go of pride. This approach not only strengthened our bond but also provided a roadmap for maintaining a fulfilling marriage through life's ever-changing stages.

Finally, we address the ongoing work required to sustain a drama-free marriage, stressing that genuine communication and collaboration are crucial. The portrayal of marriage on social media can often be misleading, so we advocate for a proactive approach to building a solid foundation for future generations. Our 32-year journey is a testament to how peace and understanding can replace unnecessary drama, and we encourage listeners to apply these principles to foster long-term success in their marriages. With perseverance and dedication, the journey may be challenging, but the fulfillment it brings is well worth the effort.

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Speaker 1:

Hello everybody, welcome to Team Wade, where we are coming to you giving you some more wisdom for your marriage relationship. Today is a special day because we are going to be talking about how to make it last forever. As some of you may know, we celebrated 32 years of marriage on September 9th 2024. 32 years of marriage on September 9th 2024. And some of you may ask how in the world do y'all get past 10 years or 15 years? We met a couple when we were at dinner on our anniversary.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and they were celebrating seven years, and so the wife was like, oh my gosh, I pray that we could make it to 32 years. Let me tell you this you can make it. Yes, you can, we can. We are coming here to be a living example to help you understand. Yes, we went through our trials. We went through certain, you know, seasons and tests with kids, and we went through a lot. And yet here we are still standing, 32 years, and we can say we are truly happily married, like love it.

Speaker 2:

We are happily married. We love each other. This is my favorite gay. Did you hear me say gay, not girl?

Speaker 1:

you know this is my favorite gay and that's my favorite saying that he has for me. But we really mean it. We really love each other. But we had to work through some things. Now, there are a lot of times early on in our marriage where we did not like each other at all. In fact, he told God that he had the wrong one.

Speaker 2:

Yes, that was the wrong one. I married the wrong one Because if you got the right one, you shouldn't be dealing with nothing. It shouldn't be any challenges if you married to the right one. In his mind, that's in everybody's mind. I ain't the only one thinking like that?

Speaker 1:

No, I'm just saying that's what you were thinking back then.

Speaker 2:

No, but what I'm saying is there are other people out there right now. They think if you got the right one, there are no challenges.

Speaker 1:

But in his mind 32 years ago he was thinking that because I wasn't one to be a rug to lay down.

Speaker 2:

See, now you call it a rug Walked all over. I call it too confrontational, so Strong-willed woman.

Speaker 1:

I was Very much so, very strong will, lack of wisdom. I didn't have wisdom back then, but popping off at the mouth I knew what I wanted and I knew what was acceptable and what was unacceptable and I challenged him on that. Now I would say that I wasn't real wise in my early days. It took God to help me, took Holy Spirit. Thank God we both had a relationship with God. That was the key relationship with Holy Spirit that's the only reason why we are still here today.

Speaker 1:

I'm gonna tell you guys that right now, the only reason why we are sitting here today talking to you, still married, happily married and successful in our marriage, is because we had God at the center of our relationship and we feared God. We had a fear of God and we had a personal relationship with Holy Spirit, would you say of course I mean without our relationship with the Lord and the accountability of his word.

Speaker 2:

Right, see, a lot of times we love God but we don't love the accountability of his word.

Speaker 2:

Because when you go to the Word of God, you may do certain things or live certain ways, but the accountability of the Word of God forces you, when you want the accountability of his word, it forces you to align yourself to his will, and that's every area of life, that's what your marriage, that's what your finances, that's what relationship with other people, that is, whatever your money you go down the line.

Speaker 2:

And so for me, as being one that wants to please and wanted to please God, when I go to his word and I see love your wife, as Christ loved the church, and I'm not loving her right, the accountability of that word forces me to have to do whatever. And look at this whatever I need to do, to do what that word just told me to do, and that has nothing to do with her, whether she submits to me, whether she respects me. Now she should do those things, but that has nothing to do with me. It's not I'm going to be accountable to this word If you did your part. No, it's my relationship, it is I am going to please God, right, and that's period, point blank period, point blank period. I am going to please God. And that was the beginning of the process and the journey to become the husband that I needed to become.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so in the beginning we did make a commitment Covenant Divorce a covenant yes, yep, that divorce was never an option. So that's number one. You have to make that commitment that we are going to commit to work out these issues that we're having and that these issues are not us, they're just issues.

Speaker 2:

Can I interject right there? Because, just like we made that covenant, that divorce wasn't an option. There are some people out there looking at us now saying If they don't do this, I'm out of here. They are making covenants. They are not making a covenant of commitment. Until death do we part. They're not making a commitment through. You know there's a term now everybody using it, getting it out of the mood. I got it out of the mood. Why not get your marriage out of the mood that you commit to it, regardless of how dirty it gets, that you're committed until the wheels come off. And then, once the wheels come off, we still gonna be riding on the brakes, uh, shooting fire off the country, so it doesn't even matter how bad it gets. We committed to all in and that was what our covenant was.

Speaker 2:

That's what I thought but some of them making covenant that if they don't do this, I'm out of here, or what have you? It's a conditional covenant.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, and so it does make it easier. When both spouses are giving it their all, Okay, but what if they not? But if that's what I was about to say. But even if you feel like you're only giving it your all, then God is going to honor you and you keep working.

Speaker 2:

OK, now I got a question what have you given your all and they still not change, and they not going to change. Now, what do you do?

Speaker 1:

Well, what the what the Bible says? The Bible says that he hates divorce, god hates divorce and that death is the only legal way out of the covenant of marriage. So you got to really understand how God feels about covenant. He's a covenant-keeping God and he expects us to keep the covenants that we make.

Speaker 2:

So one of the scriptures I like to live by, the Bible says whatever you do in word or in deed, do it with your whole heart unto the Lord and not unto man. So the main thing is this you have to obey what God says, regardless if it's reciprocated or not. Exactly and this is one of the problems I see with marriages I've been doing it for three months. I've been doing it for three months. I've been doing it for a year. I've been doing it for three years. It doesn't matter if you do it until Jesus come back and if it never changes. You got to understand. I am doing what God said because God said it. I'm not doing what God said because I'm looking, even though you're looking for an outcome.

Speaker 1:

If the outcome never comes, you got to be committed to what he said now let me say this we always make this disclaimer because we realize everybody's situation is different. If you're in a situation where your life is threatened, then Jesus wants you here on the earth to complete your purpose. So it's not the will of God for you to stay in and they abuse in you physically in a situation that threatens your life. So let's make that clear.

Speaker 2:

If they, in adultery and they refuse infidelity, repent and you don't want to work it out, you free from the covenant because they violated so we just want to give you that disclaimer disclaimer. So when we're saying what we're saying giving you a truth we're not talking about extreme situation. So anytime you hear giving you a truth, we're not talking about extreme situation. So anytime you hear us giving you a truth, you got to know that we're not talking about extreme situation, and that's, that's what extreme situations.

Speaker 1:

Right, so let's go back to um, even though a person doesn't change. So let me tell you all my story, what happened to me. So I was going in my we had this walk-in closet. We called it the glory closet, so I would go in the glory closet and that was our place to pray snitches, get stitches.

Speaker 1:

Just me and the holy spirit me and God me and Jesus would meet in that place, and so this particular time I was going into my prayer closet not to spend time with the Lord, but to snitch, basically tell the Lord how tired I am of my husband of what he was not doing. I was sick of it. So I go in there and he's in in his favorite chair watching his favorite football game, probably. So I'm going to pray.

Speaker 2:

So I didn't know you were not praying, you snitching.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know, while I was in my prayer closet, that the Lord was heaping coals of fire on his head. Know, while I was in my prayer closet, that the Lord was heaping coals of fire on his head. But let me tell you what I was doing in there. I was in there going in on I'm tired of this, I'm tired of him not doing that. And the Lord stopped me. Oh, the Lord stopped me in the middle of my complaining about everything that my husband was not doing, and God said write this down. And I started writing a list of things down that God said I want you to do this, I want you to serve him, I want you to affirm him, I want you to do this and that and all these things God gives me to do for him while.

Speaker 1:

I am complaining about what?

Speaker 2:

he's not doing. I don't use that word snitch. No, say why you're in there, snitching.

Speaker 1:

So, but listen now. Listen to how God works. I'm not knowing that the Lord in there convicting him while I'm getting a full list of things that he wants me to do.

Speaker 2:

I can feel the conviction. While she in there, I can't hear nothing. That's going. God dealing with me. So it's just I'm telling you, but she don't know this is happening Right.

Speaker 1:

So I'm telling you what God will do. So, as I have embraced that list of things and made it come in my heart that I'm not going to focus on what he's not doing, because I got too much work to do from this list that God told me to do for him, and so once I changed my focus, god was able to work on him.

Speaker 2:

But let me say this. Let me say this People are still free will be because, even though God dealing with me, I don't have to let him deal with me.

Speaker 1:

Pride is a factor in hard in my heart and walk in pride and walk in the pride.

Speaker 2:

But it goes back to me wanting to please God Right. And so you got to understand that they got some hard hearts and so you got to understand Some folks out there got some hard hearts. Y'all got some hard heads. They can take some blows.

Speaker 1:

And y'all got some hard hearts.

Speaker 2:

They can take some blows from the Lord. I can't do it. We just couldn't do it. We are very sensitive people to the Holy Spirit. Listen, Lord, get a deal with me. I got to get it straight.

Speaker 1:

Some of y'all going to end up going to hell because you're prideful against your spouse.

Speaker 2:

And you done, held them hostage over their righteousness.

Speaker 1:

That's a word.

Speaker 2:

You know they're going to do what God said and you take advantage of what they do for the Lord and you abusing that privilege that you can take advantage because they're going to do what's right and you won't do what's right and they're going to end up in hell fooling around with that stuff. So but my heart is sensitive. So when God dealing with me, I know I surrender, I surrender, I'm fighting, I'm not fighting against the Lord, I'm surrendering.

Speaker 1:

So and making right, whatever I need to make right so one of the things that we had to learn in order for us to get to 32 years of marriage like I said early on, it was a struggle. We had to kill our order for us to get to 32 years of marriage. Like I said early on, it was a struggle. We had to kill our pride. Selfishness is one thing that would sabotage your marriage. We had a lot of selfishness going on, so we had to swallow all of that. As Holy Spirit highlighted those areas in our lives, we made a commitment to get it right and to change. A commitment to get it right and to change. So, as the years progressed, then we had children, you know, growing up and our lives, seasons, changed. We had small babies, which took more time.

Speaker 2:

Then they grew up to toddlers don't skip too, because we had to figure out all these things, being young parents and young who didn't have a team way to talk to us. We didn't have a counselor.

Speaker 1:

At that time we didn't have anybody but holy spirit. So so, moving on. You know, children grow up, seasons change, we have to make the adjustments early mid-20s. So we have to make adjustments. Don't be afraid to make adjustments as seasons change. What about financially?

Speaker 2:

Financially we were struggling.

Speaker 1:

I mean all of that. We were struggling financially, but we still had that commitment.

Speaker 2:

We were in it together.

Speaker 1:

This is us together. This is where we are now, but this is not where we're going to end up. We both knew that we would be successful. We didn't know how. We didn't have the full plan or the full vision at the time, but the full plan or the full vision at the time, and and and but god is faithful. So we stuck it out and god blessed us, um and so. So just important is to reach the 32 years. Over the years, we've had to make adjustments. As we grew older, our needs became different.

Speaker 1:

Come on so my needs changed. So we have to have conversations and and to help each other understand. Well, that don't work for me now.

Speaker 2:

Or? I need this Because, as being young and having young children, what were the needs that you needed?

Speaker 1:

So, as being young and having young children, my love language was acts of service. I needed you to help me around the house. That was my love language. That would cause me to open up to you and just be free. But as they grew up and they became more independent, I didn't need that anymore. So then I wanted my love language change to quality time, because he would play golf all the time or he would go play basketball, and you know, I didn't have a lot, I didn't have a hobby like that. You don't have a life basketball and you know I didn't have a lot, I didn't have a hobby like that you don't have a life, so I wanted I have a life.

Speaker 2:

Get you a hobby, get you a hobby so I wanted quality time.

Speaker 1:

I want my husband there, so, uh, so. So seasons change, seasons change and you gotta change with the season. But you gotta communicate what you want, and but you got to communicate what you want.

Speaker 2:

No, you need to figure it out.

Speaker 1:

No, you can't say Listen, assumption is the biggest sabotager, because you're assuming that somebody knows something when all you have to do is just open your mouth and tell them. All you have to do is just tell them why are you playing game?

Speaker 2:

Why are you playing Russian roulette? We grown for it.

Speaker 1:

Whether he going to get it or not, or whether she going to get it.

Speaker 2:

We grown for it. Well, he ought to know. Or if he don't figure it out and I got to tell him he's not genuine- Okay, Put your spouse in a position to win, okay and where you both win. Come on, say that again.

Speaker 1:

Put your spouse and yourself in a position where you both win right. So we're not trying to sabotage, we're trying to win Really Right. Is that really what?

Speaker 2:

you want to do? Is that the goal? Is that the goal If you want to win? Or? You know, some people like drama. Yeah, well, I thank God, we have a drama-free marriage, yeah, but why do we have a drama-free marriage?

Speaker 1:

We made an effort.

Speaker 2:

Because we don't complicate things, we made an effort, can communicate, we can say I don't like that or I like this, I would like more of this. I don't, I'll take less of that, but a lot of people when you start giving it to them, you're like in your mind you're saying I want the phone. But then I'm supposed to figure out you want the phone right then you gotta tell me you want the phone, then I give you the phone.

Speaker 2:

When you only give me the phone I had to tell you to give me the phone, but I want. What was the phone?

Speaker 1:

I had to tell you to give me the phone.

Speaker 2:

But I got the phone. What was the objective?

Speaker 2:

To get me the phone To get you the phone. You wanted the phone, but now I give it to you. Well, you should have figured out so that it's not genuine, because I had to ask you say what? Why are y'all playing these kiddie-laying games? And I think part of the problem is this some of you, all y'all, look at the wrong people and follow the wrong people. Y'all follow these fake folks on this social, in this social media world, and their marriages are fake. They, they stage everything.

Speaker 2:

They do we giving you the real, real around here, because we went through it they stage it, they stage in photo shoots and they giving you these fairytale images, but then when we tell you what the actual thing is, you think, oh, that that can't be it. That's not. No, this is it. Because this is you're gonna deal with some of these things we're talking about, yeah, and while you following that old fairytale stuff and with no, no way of getting out of that hole, y'all and dug yourself in Cause you in the hole. Now you don't know how to come out this hole. And we telling you, after 32 years of experience sitting right here talking to you, you still want that fairytale stuff. No, it'll become fairytale If you apply the principles that we're talking about, because you're not only is your marriage estate your children, your grandchildren, your great, great grandchild, because you can become the curse breaker for your family.

Speaker 2:

We made a decision. We come from broken home. We don't want broken homes in our bloodline anymore. So that means divorce is not an option. That means we got to work. We got to do whatever it takes and we were just talking about this the other day. We're not living in drama. I don't like drama, I like peace.

Speaker 2:

Some people complicate their life. They make it harder than what it should be. Make dumb decisions why would you do that? Or you burn bridges in your life. You don't know you got to cross that bridge again. I was telling somebody that if you're going to leave this job, leave this way, don't go do it that way. Why would you do that? So in a marriage we plan to live for the long term, how are we going to tell our daughters and our future son-in-laws how to fight for their marriage and we don't fight for ours? Help me understand that. We can come in and what we notice. We can put stuff on our social media we dancing or we doing it. We have a gazillion people like and comment and following. We can put a principle that will make your marriage better and you'll have a few people like, few little comments. That's delusional. That is delusion it backwards.

Speaker 1:

That's the nature of the world that we live in, and so. But what we wanted to also say is, although we have 32 years, we still have work to do. The work does not stop. It still goes on. It still goes on. So we want you to know that you can make it.

Speaker 1:

We came on here to help you to know that you can make it. We came on here to help you understand that work doesn't stop. But if you work it, I promise you it gets easier. On the other side we are. We are literally going down here hill. In terms of how hard the work is. You know how you roll the boulder up the hill and it's hard work. Then, once you get it at top, then it goes down very easily and very fast. We are saying we, we are riding like man, we worked it, we overcame. Now that doesn't mean we still don't have some conversation. We just had a conversation with you about a month and a half ago. That was very serious, that we needed some more adjustments. And guess what? We made the adjustments and it has been so peaceful it's been, I'm telling you, no anxiety. It's been amazing. So we're here to say, hey, we made it 32 years. I guarantee you can make it. We want to see you make it as far as you on this earth.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, we want you to make it so team way here signing out.

Speaker 1:

Use those principles and watch your marriage go to the next level. God bless you.