The Team Wade Podcast

My Way or the Highway

• Team Wade

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Speaker 1:

Hello everybody, Welcome to the Team Wade podcast, where we're giving you tools for an effective marriage. What's?

Speaker 2:

going on.

Speaker 1:

Happy New Year to everybody. We are so happy to come back to you with some new content this year, yes, lord. In hopes that we can save marriages, strengthen marriages, make your marriage a lot more happier and joyous. Make your marriage a lot more happier and joyous. We have been married. If you have not tuned into our podcast, we have been married for 32 years, so we know a thing or two about a thing or two about marriage and relationships.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean you got to think 32 years perfect versus imperfect. So we didn't figure this thing out a little bit.

Speaker 1:

That's a joke, y'all.

Speaker 2:

With her being married to a perfect man and she being an imperfect woman. So you know, you know, I had to learn how to dwell with her according to knowledge and understanding.

Speaker 1:

Yes, so y'all see, I got my hands full with this perfect person. But all kidding aside though, we want to come to you just to give you some tools, some wisdom From us, team Wade, to you and your marriage and your spouse, so that you can overcome. Today we want to talk specifically about what happens when the two just cannot agree.

Speaker 2:

Wow.

Speaker 1:

What happens when two cannot agree? A lot of times we feel like not agreeing has to be this huge blow up. I think we've come to a time now in our marriage that when we don't agree, we just agree not to agree. You know we move on. You know we don't stop there. We don't, you know, pitch a tent. You know we don't stop there. We don't, you know, pitch a tent there. We don't stay there for a while. We're not gonna deal with each other just because we don't agree.

Speaker 2:

You know we've matured into a place where we just move on well, we move on if it's something to move on with, but if it's important where, if it's something with finance or something that needs to get done, you you get to come to an agreement, even when you may not agree that it needs to be done that way. And so that's where you need to get some mediation or wisdom, that someone that can give you an opinion from a different perspective, because one thing about agreement you're two different people, so you see things from your perspective, but what is the best for the whole right, and so when we talk about moving on, we're talking about smaller things, that that that's not going to make a huge difference right and what I'm, what I mean.

Speaker 1:

Let me bring some clarity yeah, let me bring some clarity. What I mean is we're not. We've come to a realization that we cannot let the small disagreements stop the relationship or cause us to not communicate with each other or become so mad at each other. We're not talking to each other for days, you know, on in. So we decided to just hey, we can move from this, we can continue to thrive. You know, it doesn't have to stop just because we've had a disagreement.

Speaker 2:

We've seen marriages now where there is a disagreement, it shuts down everything.

Speaker 1:

It shuts down everything.

Speaker 2:

The whole relationship.

Speaker 1:

Right, it does not have to be that way, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So it's so important that you got to learn to know that we may not ever see it the same way, but how do we progress and move along in our relationship and get to where we need to be, even when we don't see it the same? Because one thing we love to preach and teach is that submission don't mean agreement. You're not going to agree with each other because you're two different people, so you see things your way. But at the end of the day, how can we come into an agreement even when we don't see it from that perspective? Because if it's going to benefit us all, that is really what it's about at the end of the day.

Speaker 1:

At the end of the day, we are going to move forward, even if you feel like you've lost in your disagreement or it didn't work out for your good. But the main thing is, if it works out for the entire family, it works out for the good of everybody, not just you. A lot of times, selfishness plays a huge role in people not being able to get on the same page to come to agreement.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I want to. I want to go back to something you just said you didn't win. I think that's the attitude or the mindset that a lot of marriages spouses make in the marriage is you won and I lost. I think when you you take that position, it's an adversarial type position.

Speaker 1:

And it already presents a fight.

Speaker 2:

That's exactly right. And so now the competitive, the competitiveness come out of you and as you bring it out, you now are fighting, as opposed to looking at that we're fighting against. The opposition is not each other. The opposition is the things that we're trying to accomplish and to conquer together, absolutely so. But I think if we take on and say it's, it's a you won and I lost, I think that bleeds into the rest of the relationship and the rest of decisions that need to be made and it creates major issues because you think you lost, but really it should be win-win, because the decision that we're making should benefit the whole, not just benefit one individual.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

And.

Speaker 1:

I think that once emotions start getting involved in the fact that it did not go your way, when those emotions start getting involved, then you take it personally. Oh and that's where you know it can evolve into a huge blow up or evolve into a huge fight, and so it's important to keep those emotions in check for the sake of it not blowing up into something that much bigger than what the initial discussion was all about.

Speaker 1:

Right, and so I just you know, I feel like I needed to say that because you know emotions do get involved, but you got to keep them in check. Keep them in check. How many times do you intentionally say I'm not going to make this disagreement evolve into a huge volcano eruption. I'm not going to allow my emotions to push it to that point. So how many of you? I just wonder how many of you, when you go into a situation and you realizing that we're not agreeing on this and you make a decision, that I refuse to let my emotions take me on this emotional roller coaster into something that is much bigger than what we're talking about. So that's really important.

Speaker 2:

Well, I'm going to tell you I want to use the illustration from my own life we're in the process now of getting ready to build another house, and so we have built a house before, and so we had to set some ground rules. And so, for us, the ground rules is this that you're you're going to decorate the house and I'm going to build, design the house. So for that to happen, if we cross over into each other's area we both have opinions strongly about, because when you begin to decorate, you have a vision, you have ideas, and I have, in the past, want to get open to decorating, uh, and, you know, make the house look a certain way which is not your grace well, I'm not gonna agree with that it is not your your full grace.

Speaker 1:

I mean, okay, thank you, so you can tap into your means that you see, that's like all I'm saying, not your full grace.

Speaker 2:

Okay, but you say what my grace, like I can do nothing, so I'll take that.

Speaker 1:

But I will say that designing a house, Design deal. Design deal is definitely not my full grace. But, I know what I like Not full grace.

Speaker 2:

It's not your grace at all, my grace. So now, but notice what she just put in there. But I know what I like.

Speaker 1:

I know what I like, so I know wait a minute. When I see it hold on, I don't let's go right here.

Speaker 2:

So now we back to what we were talking about. When you don't agree. Because what if what she like is interfering with my creativity? For the design bill, right.

Speaker 1:

So there has to be a compromise.

Speaker 2:

Well, the compromise is already decided because we have a design builder. You're not in the building and design department.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

You're in the decorating department.

Speaker 1:

But normally, normally, which you know being a wise man, normally, you know, he takes it, did you see?

Speaker 2:

how she said it. You see how she tried to make that come about. Being a wise man. In other words, you don't want to, you don't want to make me feel some kind of money.

Speaker 1:

Did you see how she threw that in there? I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say he does take a consideration. You know my opinions, yes, you know my opinions, why I think that this would be a good idea as opposed to. You know what he initially said. However, listen, here's the point. The point is that we're not going to take what is designed, god has designed to be a blessing. Come on. To make it a curse.

Speaker 2:

Yep To make it that it brings division.

Speaker 1:

Something that brings division in our household. We're not going to do that, and so that's what I sense is happening in marriages. You know you're creating a curse where the blessing should be, because of your own issues with one another, with one another's decision or disagreements.

Speaker 2:

Or how you see it.

Speaker 1:

Or how you see it. So what we're not going to do is create a curse where the blessings should be so so this home building process can be very tedious, can be very um stressful, can be.

Speaker 2:

You know it could be some tug of war but that's why it's important to set ground rules and knowing that, hey, I am going to respect your, your department or your area, and so I'm using the house part as what goes into every part of the marriage, because, just like that, you need to understand. Notice I said she does the decorating, that's her strength, and I do design, build, that's my strength. Well, many of you, you're not taking that principle and taking it across the board in the relationship. Your opinion is dominating everything, as opposed to you submitting it, and if it fit in there and it's going to make us better, we need to insert it in there, absolutely and so, but but you make it where it becomes adversarial or win-loss. And now, like you said, the curse is coming in because you're not allowing the blessing to manifest.

Speaker 1:

It's the curse of division, of division.

Speaker 2:

oh, my bible says in genesis, chapter 11 yeah, when he was making reference to a people who decided to come together, come in unity on the same page yeah so much so that they said they were going to build a tower straight to heaven I got how a bible and the bible said nothing that they set their mind to would be withheld from them.

Speaker 1:

That's what God said.

Speaker 2:

Because they were on one accord.

Speaker 1:

The Lord said I need to come down here and I need to divide them because but how did he divide them?

Speaker 2:

He said I'm going to confuse their language, confuse their language. So they're going to speak different languages. That's what disagreements are.

Speaker 1:

Yes, in essence, and some of you are allowing the of Leviathan, which is the spirit of confusion, to come in because she refused to humble yourself and try to see the other partner or the other spouse's perspective, like, look at it from their perspective, as opposed to holding your ground with your perspective. No, this isn't. You know. This is what we should do. I understand that that's perspective both of you, and so that spirit of Leviathan can come in and create an even twisting spirit or confusing, where your words get twisted, his words get twisted, so on and so forth, and you have a huge, huge argument that could try to tear the marriage up. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. And so unity brings the blessings, the vision brings the curse Wow.

Speaker 2:

But see, that's where the oil is. The anointing comes upon where that unity is. God is where the place of peace, he said, not the art of confusion, but a peace. And so anytime you begin to allow division to come, now notice division, so division began to die. But when you unify, god now can come into the place of where unity is. And now the anointing oil begins to flow. Ears, and now the anointing oil begins to flow, and so the anointing removes the burden and destroyed the yoke and many of you. You need to allow the oil of God, the anointing of marriage, to come into your marriage. And the only place, only time that could be is when you come to a place of unity with each other. And you got to get out of your feelings, get out of your emotion, quit taking things so personally and look at what is the whole. What are we trying to accomplish together as husband and wife, as mother and father, as parents, as a family?

Speaker 1:

In every relationship.

Speaker 2:

Every relationship, and so one of the things that we're in a season now being in our mid to going into late Early 50s to mid 50s.

Speaker 2:

Hold on, slow your roll now, see. See what I'm talking about. See, this is what see. This is more wisdom, more experience. And so now we're at a different season of our life that we think different. We think legacy. So this building of a new house is about legacy, is not just about having a house, is about building into the generational wealth that we want to create for our future generations.

Speaker 2:

And so we've gone through many seasons of our lives, but we walk through them all together, through many seasons of our lives, but we walk through them all together. And every season, even when we were very, very low, below, negative, in finances and everything, we were together. That's right. We stayed unified, we stayed in agreement.

Speaker 2:

And so God can always show up in a place of agreement. He even said, where two or three are gathered together, in my name, I would be in the midst. In other words, in a place of unity, in a place of agreement. And he even said, if any two agree on earth as touching anything, it shall be done by their father in heaven. It's something about unity, it's something about agreement, and so I, we want to admonish you, we want to encourage you that you all get into a place of agreement that God can get right there with you, that he is the the last part of that cord, so that threefold cord would not be easily broken. So we want to encourage you Get on the same page, get an agreement so you can accomplish everything that God has in store for your life.

Speaker 1:

And your marriage and your family and your relationship, family and your relationship, and remember this with unity nothing that the two of you as a couple put your hands to come on, though, that that will not be withheld from you. God will bless your unity, so stay in agreement even when you disagree. Don't allow it to divide the marriage, and watch the hand of God be upon your marriage and your relationship. When there is unity, so fight for unity.

Speaker 2:

Amen. Listen, make sure you invite people to come and tune in to Teen Wave podcast. If this has been a blessing to you, share it with your friends. Invite them to come and follow along. Your marriage is going to be better. Your marriage is going to be better. Your family is going to be better. Every area of your life is going to be better.

Speaker 1:

If you apply the principles that we're talking about.

Speaker 2:

Amen.

Speaker 1:

So don't just listen, but apply. Be intentional about applying.

Speaker 2:

Amen. Thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate it. We know it's been a blessing for you.

Speaker 1:

God bless you.