The Team Wade Podcast

Marriage: Can You Really Find “The Sweet Spot”?

• Team Wade

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Ever wonder if marriage is supposed to feel this hard? You're not alone. After 32 years together (soon to be 33), we've discovered there truly is a "sweet spot" in marriage – but it took us nearly a decade of challenges to find it.

Marriage often disappoints when measured against the polished images we see in media. It's like those commercials showing perfect burgers with cheese cascading down the sides – the real thing rarely matches up to the hype. This disconnect leads many couples, even Christian ones, to question their choice of partner or whether marriage is worth the effort.

The breakthrough came when we stopped focusing on what we weren't getting and started focusing on what we could give. During prayer, instead of presenting God with a list of my husband's failings, I received conviction about my own behavior. The instruction was clear: "Stop worrying about what he's not doing and do what I told you to do." This shift from selfishness to sacrifice transformed our relationship, though not overnight.

Most couples want instant results, abandoning good practices when they don't see immediate transformation. Real change requires consistent effort over time – "plowing in hope" as Scripture describes it. The sweet spot we now enjoy includes deep friendship, mutual enjoyment, shared vision, and the satisfaction of building a legacy together. We've moved beyond competing to truly functioning as a team.

If you're struggling in your marriage, take heart. Listen to your spouse, pray for guidance about your own behavior rather than focusing on their shortcomings, and commit to consistent obedience to biblical principles. The sweet spot exists, and we'd love to help you find it. Join us on Patreon for live Q&A sessions where we'll answer your specific questions and help you navigate your unique challenges.

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Speaker 1:

Hello everybody, Welcome to another edition of Team Wade. We are glad to bring you another powerful topic so that you can have success in your marriage and relationship. So today we're going to talk about is there a sweet spot in your marriage that you can get to Right? So let's talk about that.

Speaker 2:

What's going on? Everybody? I'm a little hoarse today. You know I preach too, so so we don't get just this podcast today. You know I preach too, so so we're gonna get just podcast you don't just podcast host?

Speaker 2:

you preach, teach and so, but how do? How do you get to the sweet spot in your marriage? You know, as we were thinking through this, we want to really give you some hope, that you may be in the middle of struggle and challenge in your marriage and you may feel like giving up and thinking like, hey, I married the wrong one. What was I thinking? I should have never gotten married. And when you're even looking in the body of Christ, the statistics of divorce is just as high in the church as it is in the world exactly and so I think, a lot of times people have the, the misunderstanding of what marriage is.

Speaker 2:

You know, I think we we fall in love with the commercial right, the idea of marriage, the fantasy of you know, you, you, I know I done been to some places. That that, that dupe me where I'm looking at they.

Speaker 2:

They get a good commercial and the dessert look good, the burger look good, with the cheese cascading down and and all type of stuff like that, and and then when you get the real burger, it don't live up to the hype, right. And so I believe some of you all are struggling because marriage may not be living up to the hype for you and so, but I want to encourage you that there is a sweet spot for marriage Because, you know, at this taping right now, we are 32 years of marriage, but soon it's getting ready to be 33 years of marriage, but it was a challenge for the first eight to 10 years, and so we now have gotten to the sweet spot. Have gotten to the sweet spot, and so the Bible talks about plowing in hope, and so a lot of times we may be doing things wrong. Plus, we bring baggage into the relationship that challenges the relationship and we're not doing marriage right. And so we want to encourage you that there is a sweet spot for marriage.

Speaker 1:

There is a sweet spot and you know, as we are sitting here 32 years next month, september 9th, would be 33 years we can give you the tools that we use in order to get to this sweet spot.

Speaker 2:

Which is doing what the Bible says to do Absolutely. And that's not all. It's easier to say it than it is to do it, because when you say, love your husband, love your wife as Christ loved the church, nourish and cherish your wife as you would your own body, right, that's easier said than done, because those statements and that truth is packed full with a lot.

Speaker 1:

And you can be in a different situation that will challenge you to apply that truth. And that's where I believe most couples are. They want to obey God. They want a godly marriage. They want to obey God. They want to. They want a godly marriage. They want to do the godly principles in the marriage, but they find themselves in the situation or circumstance that challenges them from doing what God has already said to do, which will produce results. It's going to produce that sweet spot. So, number one, you got to push past the current circumstance of your wife not being the way you want her to be or your husband not acting the way you want him to act, and you still have to practice continuously, consistently. You got to practice those principles because as you practice those principles, they're going to equate to a sweet spot eventually. So that's number one. I believe that's key. That's what we end up doing. We stop focusing on ourselves, focusing on what we wanted and what we didn't have.

Speaker 1:

I tell this story all the time, no-transcript. I have this whole list of things that I need him to do and I need him to act right. I have to act like I have this whole list of things when I went into my prayer closet because I'm getting ready to tell it on him. So you know, and I was a praying woman, so me thinking I'm going into prayer with these things before the Lord about him, prayer with these things before the Lord about him, and when I left that closet I had a whole list of things God gave me about me that he wanted me to do and change and started serving him. And so you know, I know that it's difficult, but that's one of the things that I had to do. So what? So I could have taken that list out of that closet and I could have just let let that journal set on on the nightstand, and we still would have, would have been right back where we were because I had the blueprint. God gave me the instruction.

Speaker 2:

Holy Spirit himself.

Speaker 1:

Holy Spirit gave it to me on what I needed to do. Gave it to me on what I needed to do, so, so there's a white part that you have to do and there's a husband part that you have to do, according to where you are and working on yourself. So, so God took that and he challenged me to oh, you want these results, do this and do it consistently, and you're going to find a sweet spot on the other end of that. And so we ended up. It took a while. It took me to be consistent. It took me to be patient with my, my husband, and patient with myself, for when I veered from that list that God gave me, serve him. That was one of the biggest things. Stop worrying about what he's not doing and you do what you, what I told you to do.

Speaker 2:

So see, most time we always feel like you you getting over on me, you taking advantage of me, and you know the Bible says that. Who is he that will harm you if you be followers of that, which is good? So, if we follow God's instructions to us and not get consumed with what our spouse is not doing and focus more on what I should be doing, you plowing in hope, you're plowing. You're sowing in hope, yeah, you're. You're sowing to reap back what you're giving out, yes, but then a lot of times we want to sow the seed and determine the season of harvest too right.

Speaker 1:

We want to know. Okay, I sowed this today, I want that harvest tomorrow two weeks they out.

Speaker 2:

They ain't changed yet three months but but yet you all been married 15 years and they've been this person. They were before you even got married, but now you want them to change because you've been doing this for two weeks. So you know, you got to understand. Plowing in hope is what your focus got to be, because there is a sweet spot for marriage and if, especially if you, you're two believers and you make a decision that I'm going to obey the Lord, because what we see amongst believers, the only way to marriage is not working, somebody walking in the flesh.

Speaker 1:

Somebody is in the flesh and they're not listening to Holy Spirit, because I'm going to tell you, when you are believers, holy Spirit will convict you and let you know when you're wrong. So somebody is not listening or obeying Holy Spirit. That's number one. So two believers who are, you know, serving the Lord and endearing to please the Lord. God will step in if you allow him to, but many times he steps in. He speaks an instruction to you that will give you the breakthrough that you need, but that breakthrough is dependent upon your obedience. It's on the other side of that obedience and, like you said, people are not being obedient.

Speaker 2:

That's exactly right, and so if you keep sowing in hope, you'll begin to reap. See what we want? We want to receive something with no effort attached to it. And so, once again, you've been looking at TV. You're looking at all that social media world and people showing you the image of them, but you're not looking at the tour, the work that is required to get what you're looking for.

Speaker 2:

You're looking at a person that was fat and then they went to a body transformation and they show you their results, but you weren't there in their grind period when their diet had to get cleaned up, where they were getting up, going to the gym on days. They didn't feel like it. But when they showing you their pictures, they smile and and they talking you through it, but you're not seeing that grind, you're not feeling the feelings of what they were feeling when, when they they were discouraged that day, when they didn't want to eat right, when people were having parties and they going out to eat and they can't eat what they want to eat. See, all of that is what an effective marriage is that you no longer live in your comfort self, your fleshly self, your fleshly self. You now live in your sacrificial self, where you've given yourself to do the will of God, to please this other person, to be in oneness with your spouse.

Speaker 1:

And now you begin to reap a good marriage and you begin to get to this, to the sweet spot of marriage, and so good, that is really good. So we hope you know us sharing our journey with you and giving you the tools. Listen, I can hear some of you, you know, maybe thinking well, give me something else, Give me something else, you know, give me something else that's going to help me get to that sweet spot. No, we give you what works, so we can give you a bunch of you know do's and don'ts and all that. Ultimately, you know, you got to obey God because I don't know your exact situation. You know where you are.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And you know where your spouse is and the reality of it is is. You got to like I went into that prayer class and you got to hear what it is that God is telling you to do. Many of you probably already know it, but you just not been doing it, you've not been consistent, and yet you want a sweet spot, and so, uh. So I just recommend that you go in here. What is God telling me? How do we break through this place? How do we? We plow, you know, through this hard place. Many people give up in the hard place because they're not used to fighting through those hard places, and so use these tools that we're giving you. We gave you tools of prayer. We gave you the tool of obedience, the tool of going and hearing from God. You know, we talked about the pride and selfishness, all of those things, you know, that'll help you plow through the hard place, because there is a sweet spot.

Speaker 2:

And also listening to your spouse. They're telling you all the time things that they like and they telling you what they don't like. Why don't you just give them that?

Speaker 1:

That's good.

Speaker 2:

Consistently, consistent. Just keep giving it to them, I mean. But a lot of times we think in terms of winning and loss and how they would have won. What do you mean they would have won? How about we would have won?

Speaker 1:

Aren't we on the same team? Aren't we trying to get to the same destination? And that's one of the things you know, people don't have vision in their marriage Like where they're trying to get to and they end up competing. Marriage like where there's where they're trying to get to and they end up competing and a lot of chaos comes through that because you don't have a vision for your marriage for your family, yeah, so.

Speaker 2:

So we hope that was some good stuff for you, because you, there is a sweet spot and let us encourage you a little bit because now, the sweet spot of our marriage, we've become best friends. In our marriage we love and enjoy spending time with each other. We enjoy family. You know, our children are grown, we have grown children. We enjoy spending time with them. We enjoy spending time with each other. We enjoy what we have built together as a team. See, a lot of times when you stay divided, you don't set goals together, you don't build a life together.

Speaker 2:

So it's really exciting for us to see what we have built and we only just scratching the surface, because for us now we only think about legacy, you know, inheritance. We thinking about our children, our grandchildren, our great grandchildren. So we're thinking about the inheritance and the legacy that we set for them. And so that's where the sweet spot is, where you're not in the hustle and bustle of life. When you got a young family and you got to figure out babysitters, how do we go on a date? We don't have enough income and the house is not big enough, the house is dirty. We don't have we and the house not big enough, the house is dirty, we don't have, we can't go on vacation, I mean all that stuff where you, in that rat race, we went through that. We it was eight years we were married before we had our first vacation as a family, and so we understand what you're talking about and what you're feeling.

Speaker 2:

But what we're saying is, if you put in the work that we're talking about, there's a sweet spot. And we in that sweet spot right now because we, we, we sold, we plowed, and now we plowed in hope and we reap in that season. You're not going to reap that season if you're not willing to put in the work. And we telling you it's already been tried and proven. So don't say, well, let's try this, no, let's do this, you don't have to try it, it already works. So you try something that you're not sure it works, but you do something that does work. So we want to encourage you that you do it so you can get to the sweet spot of your man.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, that is so good. So plow and hope, keep plowing, you will get there. We want to encourage you today here on Team Wait. We hope you've already subscribed to our Patreon, where we're going to be going live and doing some Q&A. Come on now we want to answer your questions. We want to be able to help you plow in hope so that you can get to that sweet spot in your marriage. Okay, all right, team Wait signing out. We'll see you guys next time. God bless.

Speaker 2:

God bless you.