The Team Wade Podcast

Marriage Will Expose You...But Will It Heal You?

• Team Wade

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What if the hardest moments in your marriage are actually your greatest opportunities to grow? We dig into a bold idea: marriage will expose what’s been dormant—old wounds, unhelpful beliefs, and protective habits—and that exposure can become the doorway to healing when you choose humility, practice, and faith-led action.

We break down why becoming one reveals what dating can’t, and why living together still isn’t the same pressure as a covenant. You’ll hear how strongholds—those fortified thought patterns shaped by childhood pain, past relationships, rejection, and betrayal—distort the way we see a good spouse. Then we get practical: how to name what hurts, forgive, renew the mind, and stop treating your partner like a stand-in for someone from your past. We talk about the work that makes the “sweet spot” possible, from small daily choices in communication and repair to the long game of patience, consistency, and self-control.

From a faith perspective, we share personal stories of leaning on the Holy Spirit when we felt exposed and vulnerable. Truth often challenges feelings, but obedience unlocks freedom. We walk through how prayer directs concrete steps, how to act beyond your mood, and why vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s the path to safety and trust. If you’re single, there’s guidance for doing the inner work now so you don’t place an unfair healing assignment on your future spouse. If you’re married, you’ll find tools to break cycles, build resilience, and pass on a healthier model to the next generation.

Ready to turn exposure into growth and growth into joy? Listen now, share this conversation with someone who needs it, and if it helps you, subscribe and leave a review so more couples can find their footing.

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SPEAKER_00:

Hello everybody. Welcome to Team Way. How are y'all doing out there? Hope y'all are doing well out there in the marriage and relationship land. We are coming to you, bringing you some more wisdom and truth.

SPEAKER_01:

Dropping dimes.

SPEAKER_00:

Dropping dimes.

SPEAKER_01:

Diamonds.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, um, how to make your marriage work, how to be a successful couple in marriage, in your relationship. And so today we have a title that we want to talk to you from. You know, Teen Way, we always have these titles, but the titles always spin off into however God uses us to spin off and it speaks to people. We want to thank you also for your feedback. You guys have been giving us, especially our Patreon uh people on Patreon. You guys have been commenting and giving your feedback. So I really appreciate that. So today we're gonna talk about what marriage, we're gonna talk about marriage will expose you, but will it heal you? Marriage will expose you, but will it heal you? So that's pretty uh deep. That's a pretty deep topic. Um, I wonder what they're gonna say. We know marriage is gonna expose the real you. The marriage is gonna expose who you really are, because there's nobody like your spouse who can bring out the best in you and who can bring out what's in you.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, the best or the worst. The thing about it, the reason it exposes you, dating can't do that. Because you're not one with a person while you're dating.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

But you one with your spouse when you get married.

SPEAKER_00:

So you can fake it as long as she can when you're dating because you're not really living. Really, not by faking it.

SPEAKER_01:

It's really that because when you become one, you're now merging. And so when you merging, it's moving stuff around. And so it begins to bring to the surface what's already in there. And so that's that's what's happening, and that doesn't happen in a dating relationship. And so uh a lot of people thinking even you get people shacking up, as we used to call it back in the day, they living together and living together is not going to expose it. It's not until you become one when the fullness of that happens.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you know what? I think I I I think that I I kind of disagree with you, but I agree to some extent. Because I feel like when you're dating, and if you're really, you know, mar or you're really in a uh relationship and you are living together, I feel like it can expose some some things in you. Um, but I think when you get married, it's a whole nother level of warfare, it's a whole nother level.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a different level of everything that's laying dormant in you. Now, I'm not saying you can't begin to see parts of a person when you get married, but what I am saying is marriage is gonna bring all that to the surface.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01:

And so um, and that's why I think so many people are in shock. Uh, and they think that person is changing, but the reality, marriage is causing it to come to the forefront. It's just like gold, as you put the heat on it, the draws begin to come to the surface and pull away from the gold. And so that's what marriage does, it exposes who you really are. And like you just said earlier, you know, there's no other relationship that does that but marriage.

SPEAKER_00:

That's true.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so it's work, and that's why it is work because a lot of people will begin to say, Well, I think I married the wrong person, or they deceive me, and we know there is deception, but a lot of it is not deception, it's just that marriage is pushing all of this stuff to the surface to the surface. So it's not necessarily that every person is trying to deceive you, right? Just that what was deeply in them wasn't pushed out because the pressure of marriage could only do it. And so a lot of a lot of people are not willing to put in the work to go through the process to endure marriage.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. So, so that brings us to the second part of the question that we propose in our title. So marriage will expose you. We've already agreed on that because it's gonna push to the surface everything that's in you, that's you know, in you that's dormant. Um, but can it heal you or will it heal you? Let's talk about that part.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I think as far as marriage healing you in and of itself, it has a medicimal purse purpose. It can be healing, but in the beginning, that process is going to be one, you going to God, let Him heal you. Because all of us come to the marriage with traumas, whether it's childhood, past relationship, baggage, all types of trauma. And so, but marriage is not going to necessarily heal you. It has healing qualities when you begin to get in the sweet spot of it. But in and of itself, just getting married is not going to heal you.

SPEAKER_00:

So I think, you know, I believe that the healing comes when two individuals decide to work on themselves and to acknowledge number one, the trauma that you talked about, to acknowledge that I do have strongholds, I do have issues, I do have childhood issues, I do have past relationship issues. Let's talk about that. Because if you've dated or if you've been married before, we can count so many times where we counsel with couples and they are one of the spouses was in a relationship and it could have been an abusive relationship or just a relationship, another marriage. And they bring those same issues into the new marriage and they treat their spouse like the former spouse. So if you're going to truly heal from that, then you have to acknowledge that, okay, I have strongholds on my mind that's causing me to view my current spouse like the past abusive relationship that I was in or manipulative relationship that I was in. And so strongholds are very real. They they could be there and you're not even acknowledge it. But so in order for you to heal, yes, marriage can be healing, but you have to work on the parts of you that really need to be healed so that the marriage can be whole. Would you agree?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So when we're talking about strongholds, what is that? We're talking about fortified thoughts. We we're talking about long-lingering belief systems. And so marriage is not going to heal that. One, you gotta, you gotta, some of it is forgiveness, you gotta forgive people in your past. Yeah, you gotta let the Lord heal you, and you gotta renew your mind. Or them strongholds, they're still going to be there. And marriage can't heal that. Right. If if I don't choose to put in the necessary work for myself, you can love me unconditionally, but if I see myself a certain way, that you loving me or submitting to me or respecting me is not going to change that belief system. That's something that I have to put in, I have to consciously put in the effort and the work that's necessary to begin to be the person and the man God said that I can be. So just marriage itself don't heal that. Right. It has healing qualities, but there's the work that we gotta put in on ourselves.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think the healing quality, like you could sabotage a wholesome relationship when you bring your own trauma, baggage, brokenness, strongholds, uh, past negative past experiences in a good relationship or a good uh to a good person, which speaking in terms of your spouse, then you can sabotage that. And so, so yeah, a whole it's possible that marriage can bring healing, but it's gonna come with some work. So, like we always say, marriage is work, it's just gonna come with work because everybody has baggage and everybody needs to be healed of their baggage. And I think once healing comes individually, it can create a whole marriage.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I mean, it will, but that's that that back to that work that we're talking about. Because I think the part that I really want to focus on is a lot of people believe just because they get married, everything is gonna be the end all, it's gonna be the fix and the cure for everything, but that's not the reality.

SPEAKER_00:

That's fantasy world.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, it's real fantasy.

SPEAKER_00:

And how many times people have this fantasy about what they think marriage should look like or what they think marriage should be? And they get into the marriage relationship and it's a total opposite, and it creates all this work. And so, so so many people give up saying, This ain't what I thought it was gonna be.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I didn't sign up for all of this, but you didn't sign up for work because that's what marriage is gonna like. Who counseled you? Who did your premarriage or counsel? Who who lied to you or who didn't tell you the whole truth? It can be, you know, the sweet spot. You can reach the sweet spot, but definitely not without work. I'm sorry to say that it's not gonna come without work. Even your healing, your own personal healing, is not gonna come without you changing, it's not gonna come without you working. So, you know, we can't have this mentality, this this um, what do you call this mental entitled mentality? Like I deserve to be happy. We all want to be happy, but you only deserve to be happy if you put in the work that is gonna cause you to be happy. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, it's just like everybody wanna be rich. But they don't want to put in the work, but they don't want to go through the processes that leads to riches. So you want a great, wonderful marriage that everyone is talking about goals about, but they don't understand the process and the hard work. So just like a successful business owner, they they went through processes to get to that point, and you're now looking at their success at the end of the story, but you wasn't there in the beginning of the story. Right, right. So the the work part is the most important part, and so the healing comes through work, it comes through work.

SPEAKER_00:

There's no other way around it.

SPEAKER_01:

No, you can't avoid the process of healing unless you go through the process of putting in the work.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

I I was just gonna say, you know how some people experience rejection issues, abandonment issues, infidelity of their past, if if they didn't go into marriage as a virgin and all these different things. So you bring in all that into the relationship. And so sometimes you're dealing with your spouse as if they're who hurt you.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's the past decisions you've made, relationships you've been in and out of. Listen, if you're watching this, you so happen to be single and you're watching this podcast. I recommend that you get whole before you even enter into a marriage relationship so that you won't have to think that marriage is going to heal all things, and it really isn't. So I recommend that you get whole, do their work on the front end so that so when you meet your spouse, prayerfully they have done their work on the front end, and you can come in with little minimum, minimum amount of baggage that will cause a you know turmoil in the relationship. So back to our topic again. Marriage will expose you, but can it heal you? It can only heal you if you put in the work so that your healing can come to the forefront so that you can be made whole.

SPEAKER_01:

And so it's that's the work that you have to put in because that's what just think two broken people in anything is not gonna work well. That's a recipe for disaster, yes, and that's the same thing when you look at marriage, and some of you all you have had the wrong models to show you what marriage isn't, but you got to because team weighed is a biblical perspective, and so if God said to do something, that means that means we have the ability to do it. And so a lot of people are not accepting what what God said, and they thinking, well, this is not possible for me to be able to do this. It is possible, it's possible. You just gotta be willing to put in the work, you must be willing to be patient, you must be uh all nine fruit of Holy Spirit, love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness, meekness, uh, self-control, long suffering, you know, all of those things, all nine of them, you have to have in your life in order to have a successful marriage. And so, you know, it marriage will expose you because when you're with that person, it's gonna bring out who you really are until you decide you don't want to be that person anymore. Absolutely. In order to make the marriage work and you got something good to pass down to the future generations.

SPEAKER_00:

So I have a question. How can couples lean on Holy Spirit when they feel exposed and vulnerable? How can couples lean on Holy Spirit? So when they feel exposed, already feel exposed, they already feel vulnerable. How can Holy Spirit help them in their moments of being exposed to the spouse and being vulnerable?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I mean, Holy Spirit is the spirit of truth, so you you you better depend on it because he knows everything.

SPEAKER_00:

And let me say this without Holy Spirit, where would we be as team Wayne?

SPEAKER_01:

In bad shape. Like he Holy Spirit Spirit told me what to do, and he told me He told me what to do.

SPEAKER_00:

He spoke to me and led us into freedom, he led us into wholeness.

SPEAKER_01:

But the but the key is he can tell you whatever he wants to tell you. That don't mean you're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_00:

That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_01:

So just because you get the right information don't mean you're gonna get the right result if you don't apply it.

SPEAKER_00:

So you have to listen, lean on Holy Spirit, listen to him, listen to his leading. You all heard the story. How I went in my prayer closet to pray, and I'm telling it on what he's not doing, and God spoke to me. Holy Spirit, I leaned to him, I listened to him, and I did what he said, do, and it brought about change in our marriage. It literally changed the game for us. I know, at least for me, in that moment. So um the question was: how can couples lean on Holy Spirit when they feel exposed and vulnerable? I would say go into your prayer closet, listen to what he's telling you to do, let him lead you. And don't be too prideful to do things that he tells you to do that your pride shows up and you don't want to do it. You don't want to feel vulnerable with your spouse. That could be the problem, that could be the real issue, that there may be some pride that's in play that's causing you not to want to be vulnerable uh in front of them. And so, yeah, he Holy Spirit is a game changer. If you lean on him, let him lead and guide you, I guarantee you success is on the other side of your obedience.

SPEAKER_01:

And and one of the things you got to look at is you can't make decisions and have marriage out of your feelings, because your feelings are gonna feel one thing, and what Holy Spirit is gonna give truth on is another thing. And so if you're gonna make the right choices in your marriage, you're gonna have to make them beyond what you feel. Come on, because what you feel is not gonna line up with the truth that Holy Spirit is gonna give you, like him telling you when he gave you your list, right? When you were going to tell him on me, uh and then he gave you a list, they didn't feel good, but that's what I'm saying. So that don't match what he's telling. Right. So you can't allow feelings to be what makes you make the decision whether you're gonna do the right thing or not. I agree. So it's based on what Holy Spirit is telling you, and he's gonna tell you the right thing, not right what's gonna make you feel good. And so a lot of people they want to feel good, and even at the expense of what is right. Long as I feel justified and I feel good about myself, and I'm not in a place of vulnerability, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm not putting myself out there. I'm good. Sometimes, you know, you gotta be out there. He wants to expose that in you. Right. So, what's the problem with you putting yourself out there? Are you afraid you're gonna get hurt? You know, what's that what's the real issue? You just have to trust him and you have to trust the process and know that he is going, listen, he's gonna lead you into victory if you let him lead you. There is victory on the other side of that decision to become vulnerable. There is freedom on the that's healing on the other side of what he tells you to do. And that's exactly what happened to me. I became free and liberated when God told me what to do. I wasn't even thinking about what he wasn't doing because I was so focused on what God told me to do. And it liberated me. Yes, I was vulnerable. Yes, I could have said that, you know, he getting over. But Holy Spirit's not gonna allow that to happen without rewarding me for my obedience. So I just wanted to just make sure you know that it's gonna be times where you feel like you're losing, but you can never lose when you're being led by God.

SPEAKER_01:

Who is he that can harm you if you be followers of that, which is good?

SPEAKER_00:

Nobody.

SPEAKER_01:

And also in in 1 Peter 3, it talked about the fear, the reverence that was had, that Sarah had, that even called Abraham Lord. And so she didn't get caught up in what he had going on. She focused on wanting to please God. And that's really what it comes down to, you wanting to please God, and and that puts you in a different situation. But if you're looking at them and they it feels like to you, they getting over on you. That's gonna shift your mindset, you're gonna become defensive, uh, and and you also you're you're gonna be self-serving. And marriage never works when you're self-serving.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. Absolutely. So, to answer your question, yes, marriage will expose you, but what's wrong with that? What's wrong with being exposed? If exposure is gonna bring you to freedom, uh, and exposure can bring you to healing. And so we want to encourage you all to be vulnerable in the presence of the Holy Spirit, and He will help you become vulnerable in the presence of your spouse, and I believe that you guys will have success in marriage. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

So keep putting in that work, it's worth it. 33 years later, it is it gets good, it gets really enjoyable. Sweet spot, but you gotta be willing to put in the work and keep putting in the work because we got to go through through the finish line. Don't stop now, don't quit now. Don't be that person that that creates broken family. We chose to be curse breakers for our family lineage, and so whatever needs to be exposed, get the poison out, get the infection out. Come on, doc, get this out, get this cancer out. Some of us have cancerous things from our childhood, cancerous things from past relationships, cancerous things from wrong ideologies and belief systems. Get the cancer out so you can live the life that God intends. Marriage is God's idea. And if he came up with it, God said whatever he did is good and very good. So marriage is a good thing. He even said it is not good for man to be alone. So God knew what he was doing. But the problem is when you get exposed, you don't want to be vulnerable. You don't want to be humble, but it's worth it. Because if it's God's idea, I want everything that he has for me. Even if it takes me dying to myself to get it.

SPEAKER_00:

All right, you guys. I hope y'all have enjoyed Team Way today. Be sure to share this podcast. I know there are some people out there who will be blessed by it. Don't forget, if you have not joined our Patreon community, we would love to see you there. See you next time.

SPEAKER_01:

Bless you.