Return To Love: Part One

What if the surest way to heal a home is to pick up a towel instead of a scorecard? From our live recording at the Forever One Conference, we pull back the curtain on 33 years of lessons learned the hard way—how ego, entitlement, and sharp words can scorch a marriage, and how sowing life through service can restore warmth, trust, and desire. This isn’t theory; it’s a field guide drawn from Scripture and practice.

We dig into Ephesians 5 and the radical call for husbands to love as Christ loved the church—initiating, giving, and setting the spiritual climate at home. Romans 5:8 reframes love as action before reciprocity: if Christ loved us at our worst, we can go first in our homes. We talk about words that “wash,” turning criticism into identity-shaping truth, and why a wife’s “twinkle” isn’t accidental—it’s cultivated by consistent honor and safety. The tailor-made metaphor returns, showing how covenant shapes two imperfect people into a fit that gets better as pride and fear are cut away.

Humility sits at the center. Philippians 2 and Mark 9:35 teach that headship looks like taking the lower place so the whole house can rise. And John 13 gives us the image that anchors the episode: keep the apron on. If Jesus washed feet, we can serve in the little, unglamorous ways that make respect natural, not negotiated. Along the way we share honest stories—early immaturity, family baggage, unrealistic expectations—and the practical shifts that turned fights into harvest: speak life daily, give before you receive, and measure success by the peace in your home and the light in your spouse’s eyes.

If you’re ready to stop “winning” arguments and start winning your marriage back, this conversation gives you a clear path and the courage to take the first step. Subscribe, share this with a couple who needs hope, and leave a review with one practice you’ll start using this week.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Team Way Podcast. Yes, you hear that noise in the background. You are tuning in to our Forever One Conference where we are recording the podcast live.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Yes. Hallelujah.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

We have some great information that we want to give you, some wonderful, wonderful word to give you today. So today's topic is what is our topic? Forever One Conference.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Well, return to love. Returning to love. That's right. Returning to love.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

But we're going to be telling you some things that God has recently downloaded to us. And we think this is a this is definitely a subject that will help. You know, we we teach biblical marriages. We teach marriage from the biblical standpoint, not from the worldly standpoint. So this information that we're given today is really going to bless marriages in the body of Christ. Amen. It'll bless anybody, but we're speaking to believers. And unfortunately, divorces in the body of Christ are the same rate as in the world. 50% of marriages end in divorce. And so we have the tools, listen, proven tools, proven keys that will guarantee you a successful marriage. And we have 33 years right here of proven success. These keys that we have learned, we have lived by.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Just let me know the rules. That's a joke.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

We were never. No, we were never physical.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

But we're talking about the analogy that whatever the rules are. So her rules were she was coming with a little slick talk. So of course you're not finna out talk me. So my words were even greater, and I was winning. Yeah. Come at me. And now I'm breaking it down and not knowing I'm I'm sowing to myself. It was like spitting in the wind. A strong wind.

SPEAKER_02 4:14

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

So what happened when you spit in the wind?

SPEAKER_02 4:16

It's gonna blow back on you.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

It's blowing back on you, and I didn't know it was blowing back on me what I was saying to her because I was so busy getting caught up in winning a battle, and I was foregoing the war.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

Winning the battle, but losing the war.

From Winning Arguments To Losing The Marriage

SPEAKER_01 4:33

I was losing it bad. And so the Lord said to me, How is that working for you? It wasn't working for me. And so he began to tell me how to speak to her, how to sow into her, even though she didn't look like what he wanted me to say to her. See, a lot of times we want fruit from something we hadn't sown. But the ground only gives you what you give it.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

The ground only gives you what you give it. It's impossible to expect a harvest from something you have not sown into.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

But we deceived in thinking if we if we just get married.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Oh, it's gonna be so good. No. No, marriage is the hardest thing you're gonna ever do.

SPEAKER_02 5:21

What did you say? Marriage is for who? Grown folks. Grown folks. It is no kitty land thing. It is work.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

And you don't even know how bad off you are until you become one with somebody. Because they're gonna expose you to you. It's more than engagement, more than girlfriend, more than baby mama, baby, daddy, baby, everything. That when you get married, you come to the forefront. And the very thing God needs to get out of you is gonna show up. And that's what she exposed in me, and I had to grow up. And let me say this before we get into dealing with husbands first. I was raised by my grandmother, so I was spoiled. I was the first grandson, the only grandchild for at least four years. And so I was the center of everybody's attention and everybody's world. And so, how many of you know? And then when when I got it deep into my center days, I wasn't having real girlfriend. I was just bouncing around dealing with all these women. And how many know you can make they they falling out over you and and you, but you not you not a boyfriend, you girlfriend, you're not married to them, so they only see the best part of you. So everybody making you seem like you the greatest until the one you get married to, and then they pointing out stuff in your life instead of fanning over you. You supposed still be a fan. I suppose come in signing autographs and and the paparazzi snapping the shots. Hey, baby, you home? She was supposed to faint when I walked in the door. Not come fussing at me about something that I didn't do. I'm just talking to myself.

Sowing And Reaping In Marriage

SPEAKER_02 7:12

Yeah. And if I were if I were a wise woman back in those early days, you know, I I probably would have been, you know, serving him the way, but I was very immature and I didn't understand, you know, the principles that we had to learn and that we are teaching you today on how to sow into what you want. And then God just blew our minds by giving us this revelation.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Amen. So now, while we were in Baltimore, we were praying, and the Lord gave us a different perspective for husbands and wives. So for the husbands, he said, We as husbands are like Jesus to our wives. Oh, what? You like Jesus? Let's go ahead and look at what the word says. We represent Jesus to our wives. And I'm gonna show you this. Let's go to Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25 through 33. Notice it says, Husbands, do what? Love your wives. How? Like Christ. You representing you like Jesus to your wife. He said, just in case you didn't know how the love was supposed to be, he said, like Christ, love the church. If you save, you part of the church. Have you been perfect since you've been part of the church? No. Did Jesus stop treating you right?

SPEAKER_02 8:55

No.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Did he get bitter with you?

unknown 8:57

No.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Was he talking harshly with you?

unknown 9:00

No.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Was he long-suffering with you?

SPEAKER_02 9:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

So notice he said, husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church. And what else?

SPEAKER_02 9:12

And gave himself.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Gave himself. So you can't be a good husband or being like Jesus being self-centered. Because Jesus focused on the church, he didn't focus on himself. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

So when we're talking about husbands representing Jesus, you're the giver. You're not focusing on receiving. So if you the little boy like I was when I got married, I was focusing on how it I needed to feel. Because I'm used to being catered to.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

It's going to be about what you do.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Jesus Himself can come teach this lesson to you today. But if you don't apply what is said, it's not going to benefit you. You might as well just stay it at home in the bed. Because the application is what changed our marriage. It wasn't the information, it was the application of the information. Amen. Amen. So he said that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word, and men, we get together, we're going to really deal with that. And that he might present her to himself. So whatever your wife is to you right now, husband, is what you've been putting in her. Man, I don't know why you leave me out there like that. But that's how the ladies ain't gonna be in our session later, so we're gonna really dig deep. But so we are represented, we like Christ to our wife. We represent Christ. Now let's go over to um Romans 5 and 8.

SPEAKER_02 11:05

I think we kind of went past that.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

No, I'm I got deeper in that. I don't want to go any deeper than what I've gone with that. Because I got more on that. Because we're gonna be all men and it, we're gonna be raw and real. All men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So look, look what it says here. Romans 8, I mean 5 and 8. What it says. But God did what? Because we're talking about we as husbands, we represent Jesus to our wives. So what did Jesus say? But God demonstrated his what? Own love toward us. How in that what?

SPEAKER_02 11:44

While we resent.

Immaturity, Ego, And Early Lessons

SPEAKER_01 11:46

While your wife talking crazy, while she not serving you, while she not submitting to you, while she not respecting you, what did he do? He died. He didn't die when she was holy. He didn't die for the church when the church was living right. He died for me when I was an alcoholic, when I was a whoremonger, when I was cussing, when I was doing everything I was doing. He died for me in the condition I was in. And the problem we having is we got men waiting to give the wife the love when she gives him what she what he wants.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

And so the way you represent Christ is you gotta give it to her when she not that. So good. While she was yet a sinner, Christ died. So while your wife is not cooking for you, not giving you sex the way you want it, you still giving your love to her. While she in the condition she in. Mighty quiet. I don't hear enough base. Oh my God. You think it's hard in heaven now? We ain't even in here with the men by ourselves. Yeah, they so we're talking about us being representatives of Christ to our wife. We Jesus to our wife. Let me show you again. Let's go to John 15, 13. And we ain't forgetting about you later. We got y'all. John 15, 13. Look what it says.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

Greater love.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

What? Read it, baby. Greater love. Greater love.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

No one than this. Let one lay down his life for his friends.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

So as a husband, we called to lay down our life for our wives. Everything Jesus was, we are to our wives. We Jesus, a representation of Jesus to our wife. We're there to lay down our life. We're not there to preserve our life. We're there to give our life and then we're gonna reap it back.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

So when Jesus gave his life, that now position us to be able to give our life to him. Oh my God. So the issue is we got a lot of men waiting for them voice to be filled in us by our wives, and we don't want to sacrifice first.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

Come on. Waiting.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

But you the head, you the responsible one, and you waiting for her to go first. And that was my problem. She was supposed to have been catering. I I remember my grandmother was something there. Oh my god, my grandmother was hilarious. And she was a big time cuss. Thank God we we made sure she was saved again right before she went to be with the Jesus. But let me tell you, grandma, boy, so grandmama says, to profit it, she says, I was working as a security guard at a hospital. Make sure that you have Tony's uniform washed and earned. And what did you say?

SPEAKER_02 15:04

Tony can make sure his own uniform gets washed and earned. Cuz I got this baby I'm dealing with.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

And so when she left, Grandmama said, she's a smart heifer.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

I love her though. Because that wasn't what she did.

Husbands Represent Christ To Wives

SPEAKER_01 15:27

Grandmama was right. Let me tell you what's going on. Are you down with the king? I'm the king. You supposed to cater to the king. She didn't get the memo. Grandmama was trying to teach her. Get all this stuff together, you cater to him. You don't sit and act like you don't do anything for the great Tony. See, while we laughing, we got a lot of men. You think like that. Because your mama ruined you, your grandmama ruined you, your older sister ruined you. Here's some people ruined you, and you bringing that baggage over into your marriage. And so I had to deal with that stuff. Cause I was messed up. And so that that just summed up when grandmama said what she said. She wasn't thinking about that she home and she got help with our first daughter, Tunisia. But she thinking about make sure you have Tony's stuff together. She was working too. What do you say?

SPEAKER_02 17:16

We love because he first loved us.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

No, we love him.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

We love him because he loved us because he first loved us.

Ephesians 5: Love Like Christ

SPEAKER_01 17:27

See, men, there's a theme that God has given us. We give it first, then we reap it later. But the problem is we don't want to sow it first. We want the wives to just cater to us, our every need, but we don't want to go first. Because somehow we've been messed up in our minds. But we represent Christ to our wives. And when you get that, and when you understand that, you can then reap it. And let me say this. How could you, as a husband, stand to look at the woman who carries your name and she don't have that twinkle in her eye?

unknown 18:07

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

See, when I begin to understand and realize that she's a representation of me, she gotta have a twinkle in her eye. See, it's one thing to put on a performance before a public, and it's another for something to be authentic and real.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

So you can put on a performance, but I need her to have the twinkle in her eye. She didn't accidentally have a twinkle. I built the twinkle. He built the twinkle. Go ahead and talk about this.

SPEAKER_02 18:43

He built the twinkle because uh initially it was a rolling of the eyes. All I did was roll my eyes at him. But when he started doing what Christ did for us, unconditionally, loving me unconditionally, speaking light to me, telling me who I was, and it started breaking things off of me.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Talk about that.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

And we're gonna talk about this when we deal with the women, how when God gave uh Adam Eve, he gave her him a wife suitable. That word suitable means to be tailor-made. Tailor-made for him. So in the beginning, the suit was a bit big because I had a lot of stuff on me that needed to be cut off and needed to be chiseled for that suit to fit like it needed to fit, tailor-made for him. But he was instrumental in helping that suit become cut because his word started shaving the extra material off of me.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Okay, when when when I was shaping or cutting the extra material off, was that when you were looking like that?

SPEAKER_02 19:57

Not at all. Okay, not at all, because he got that revelation that I gotta go first, I gotta give, I gotta speak life, I gotta stop speaking harshly to him. I gotta pay attention to the words that she's saying that hurt her, hurt her or what she needs, and started putting himself on the sp on the back burner in me first. And it changed the game. Here we are today.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Hallelujah.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

So the twinkle is real, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Let's go to Philippians 2, 3 through 9.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

And don't think that you're the only one not seeing the twinkle in your spouse's eye.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Everybody can see.

SPEAKER_02 20:41

Everybody else sees it.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Philippians 2-3. Keep talking. Philippians 2, 3. Everybody can see when your wife don't have that twinkle. But that's your name being represented.

SPEAKER_02 20:56

You're the responsible one as the head.

Romans 5:8: Love First, Not Last

SPEAKER_01 20:58

So you you you let that go out the house like that? It's like somebody they advertising something, and then you you put the uh the advertising out there and got all the grammatical errors, the the picture smeared, and this, that. That's your representation of your brand. So the brand of Wade was being represented when there was no twinkle in her eye. So when people saw her, Wade, because she wasn't her name, she was my name, I was sending her out saying her husband ain't worth nothing. That's what she was saying, telling the world when they saw her. But when they see her now, like what we had one of our friends tell us, and you would know who it is if we told her what she said about you. What she said, Wade, you you take care of that woman. Look at how she what tell tell what you I can't put it in words. The way she said it.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

Well, she she said what you just said.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Well, repeat it.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

It's obvious that you are taken well good well taken care of because of how you go out in and out of the house and it's a reflection of him, is basically what she was saying.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

And so you gotta think, you gotta take that personally as a husband. And so when your wife is a reflection of you, just like looking in a mirror is a reflection of what you are in the mirror. Your wife is a reflection of what you are, and so ain't nowhere in the world you're gonna look at my wife and think I'm nothing. Because when you see her, you're gonna know I'm all in the bag of chips. So it's very intentional and personal with me. Because she's gonna carry this name well, and everybody's gonna know she carried well. And then ain't no competition because you're gonna have to step your game high to deal with her. So I'm not concerned about nobody taking that. Oh, yeah, yeah, you hear me. You can't even compete. It's gonna cost you too much to try to get her. And I ain't even talking about money. Because what I didn't invest in in her, she's so good about her. I said, Look, my wife done been chained so much, she's so free, she don't even know to look around. I'm like, you need to you need to keep your eye on the swivel. She's been so covered, she don't even know how to function.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

Outside of being covered.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

Some of your wives hadn't been covered that she hard. Because she got a fan for herself with a covering. Oh, let's go. We'll say that for the men. We'll say that for the men. We'll say that.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit. Through what? Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Keep going.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

Let each of you look out not only for his own interest, but also for the interest of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ's life.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

I'm a representative of Christ.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

Who being in a form of God did not consider robbery to be equal to God.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

I'm not gonna lose nothing by giving myself to God to my wife, even though Jesus equal with God, him coming down ain't gonna cause him to lose nothing. As a matter of fact, it's gonna cause him to go higher.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

Yep. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

Keep going, read the rest of that.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

But made himself of no reputation, taken the form of a bondservant.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

You know what a bondservant is? That's somebody that sells themselves into slavery. They wasn't a slave, they sold themselves into slavery. So for the benefit of having a better marriage, I'll take the lesser position to make our marriage better. Keep going, keep going.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

And coming in the likeness of men and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Okay, so what happened when he uh humbled himself even to the point of death?

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Therefore, God also highly exalted him and given him the name which is above every name.

Building The Twinkle: Words That Wash

SPEAKER_01 25:11

So look what happens once you come down. You now end up going up. And so it came out of giving. Everything as us being represented, if you see the theme, it's all about giving. It's not about receiving, it's about giving. You'll receive later. Let's go. Let's go to the last uh last one.

SPEAKER_02 25:33

Last verse.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

Well, no, let's go to uh Mark 9.35, and then we're gonna do John 13, and then we'll we'll go to um deal with the women. Mark 9.35. Is this blessing you?

SPEAKER_02 25:49

Amen. And he sat down, called the 12, and said to them, if anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

So if you're gonna be the head, you gotta take the servant position and you gotta be last. So we we were talking the other day because I've been thinking about you know Valentine's Day coming up and what I want to do with my wife and all that. So we ride and she like, baby, what what you want for Valentine's Day? I just laugh. Didn't I laugh?

unknown 26:20

Every time.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

Why am I laughing? What what whatever I say I want? What I like.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

I just like for you and my girls to be taken care of.

SPEAKER_01 26:27

That's that's all. I'm good. Long as they good, I'm good. But some of us men, we so self-centered and we've been so messed up that you more concerned about what you're gonna get than what she getting.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

My God.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

So I I'm okay thriving in last because I never lack anything. Hallelujah.

SPEAKER_02 26:50

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

So last verse, John 13, 3 through 8.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hand, and that he had come from God and God was and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside his garments, took a towel and girded himself.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Now here it is, Jesus, the Lord, the King, the master, the creator of the heavens and the earth, he got down and began to wash dirty, crusted feet in a hot desert. And he put on an apron and began to wash their feet.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

If Jesus washed his disciples' feet, we should never take the apron off. We should serve our wives in such a way that she can't do nothing but submit to you. She can't do nothing but respect you. She can't do anything but honor you because you gave her something so valuable and so precious, and you you put an esteem in her about herself that can't nobody tell her nothing. She could be the ugly duckling and thinking she the prince of the princess of the ball because of what you done put into her.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

Come on, what you have sown. Come on, Passe. It's good.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

So I'm telling you, we have to serve, we gotta represent Christ to our wives. Amen.