Episode 15: Master Your Emotions, Master Your Life: "The Power of Emotional Intelligence"

In this episode we dive into one of the most underrated tools for transformation: emotional intelligence. If you're serious ab out leveling up, chasing purpose, change, and growing through the journey---this episode is for you. We break down what emotional intelligence looks like in real life--how it shows up at work, in relationships, and in those silent moments when you're wrestling with your own thoughts. Ideally you'll be inspired with ways to, become a manager of your emotions instead of being mastered by them. 

#EmotionalIntelligence

#EmotionalGrowth

#PersonalDevelopment

#InnerWork

Faith in Action // Change in Motion

Transcript

0:15

Well, hey, hey, hey. Welcome back everybody. I am excited. Here we are. Another episode of the Change Chasers podcast, y'all. This podcast, I'm hoping as you can tell, and you can see that the theme of it goes on my cover page that you see every time that you click on. And I'll just say, thanks so much for being so kind to continue to come back and listen. I keep being so encouraged to hear that you guys are also. All about living a life where faith meets action and change is in motion, and where we're getting to celebrate together with all of the things and all of the ways that we are choosing to grow as we go. So as you've noticed, we talk a lot about personal growth and purpose and how we can grow as people, as individuals, right? How can we be better coworkers? How can we be better friends, better leaders? Better companions, better whatever, right? Fill in the blank of whatever you wanna be better a as a human being. And so I'm still Mandy and I am still having fun trying to host this thing. I hope that you guys are doing amazing and that you know that it is a joy to be kinda like a growth companion, I guess, on this journey with you. That we are growing as we're going and that we get to encourage one another with the hope y'all of. Why? My why is I wanna become everything that God has called me to be. And so that's my hope for you as well, is that you also, I would assume if you're listening to a podcast about being a change chaser, then you two want to become everything. And who God has so sweetly called and created you to be. So with that said, as we're kind of jumping on in with the idea of realizing that you're listening, so I think that you are joining me with being a person who is chasing change. Maybe you're craving clarity and you're really, really committed to becoming unshakeable in your purpose. And hey, you're in the right place. I think today's episode is going to be one that's gonna bless you, maybe even help you to. Get to a place to where you're going to be knowing a little bit better on how to master your emotions. And so it will be kind of obviously just an intro convo of talking about some of the different ways of how can we improve with how we connect and talk and build healthier relationships with other people so that we can be. More emotionally intelligent in our relationships. And so with that said, we're gonna jump right on in to all of the content that I hope that I've put together is gonna bless you today. So let's get into it. Hot take number one, the power of emotional intelligence. So with kind of right out the gate, I'm gonna hit you with a question. And so just thinking about what I wanna ask you and what I want you to get to thinking about and getting your mind kind of settled in on this topic is. I'm thinking that I'm probably not flying solo when I say, have you ever said something in the heat of the moment that you then regretted it later? Anybody else raising their hand right now? Okay. Okay. I'm, I'm hoping that I'm not a, a lone ranger here on that, but yeah, y'all, I know I've said something before in the heat of a moment, and, and then I had instant regret, or it might've came later, but regret came. And so maybe you've walked away from a conversation feeling completely misunderstood, maybe even having the question of thinking, why didn't I just say what I meant? So friends, I'll say that you are not alone. And the truth is, I believe that most of us, we weren't taught how to handle our emotions much less express them in healthy ways. And so that's where emotional intelligence comes in. At its core. Emotional intelligence is our ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, while also being able to recognize and influence the emotions of others. And so I think, okay, well, I get that and we can connect and we can understand what it means, but then also understanding that. Studies show that emotional intelligence is actually a better predictor of success in relationships and even the workplace than someone's iq. So wow, isn't that something? Knowing how to communicate and how to do relationships. Cohabitate like working with folks. I mean, whatever it is that folks that we do life with basically, is what I'm trying to say on this point. That knowing how to be emotionally intelligent, emotionally intelligent. Is more important than how smart we are, what our, our IQ is. And so the question on that is, well, why, right? If you're going well, why Mandy? Like, well, because emotional intelligence shapes how we respond under pressure. It also shapes how we connect and conversations and how we show ourselves. Or some people might say, how you show up in conflict. So what does emotional intelligence look like in real life? Well, I kind of think that it looks like pausing before reacting. I also think that it's being able to say, I'm feeling overwhelmed right now instead of lashing out. And then I think it's also choosing to listen when you so desperately inside of you. There's nothing more than you would want than to defend yourself. That's emotional intelligence, right? It's also saying no without guilt, and then also saying yes with confidence. One of the favorite scriptures that I have that helps me to kind of go with this topic is Proverbs 1632, and it says, better a patient person than a warrior one with self control than one who takes a city thinking about that. I think, gosh, that's emotional intelligence. It's strength. With wisdom. And so if we know how to emotional intelligence in our relationships, then y'all, it gives us strength and wisdom, which is something that, I mean, two things that I, I really wanna grow more in, right? I wanna be a stronger and wiser person, and I'm sure. That you can probably give a little tap, tap, tap on your steering wheel if you're driving down the road or whatever you're doing as you are listening. But we all wanna be wiser. We all wanna be more strong, well minded. And so thinking about, just the importance of how do we have emotional intelligence in real life? I think those are some of my thoughts. And then you can add your own in as well. And then that leads me to hot take number two, understanding and managing your emotions, y'all. I know it's not always easy though, is it? And so if we're gonna stop and talk about emotions, the reality of it is, is that we all have them. We all feel them, but few of us really understand them. Here's something that I believe that Has helped me to shift and helped me to navigate my own personal emotional life. I really, really like this quote that says, your emotions are messengers, not masters. Isn't that good? I like to say that's a word, but your emotions are messengers, not masters. They are there to tell you something, not take control of your decisions. Our emotions are there to help us to kind of, Hmm. Something. We're feeling some kind of way, right? I have a friend that says that I'm feeling some kind of way about this situation, and so our emotions are messengers, though they're not intended to be our masters, they're there to tell us something, not take control of our decisions. Emotions like anger, sadness, jealousy, or fear, y'all. Those are signals. Think of them like the indicator lights on your dashboard. Right? So if your dashboard lights up and it's not supposed to, then you're like alert. Alert, something's not quite right. Right. With how your car is operating. And so when you stop and you think about when your anger flares up, it's, I think it's telling you something feels unjust, right? Something is off. And then whenever sadness hits something may need. The time for you to be able to sit in your feelings and grieve, or even go through the action of letting go. And so our emotions are messengers. They're not masters, but. I'm gonna go on and say though that I'm, I mean, I'm real talking with you and I'm thinking through all of this for my own self too, and I think okay though. But here's the key. If you ignore them or you bury them, because it's not always fun to feel what we feel is it. And so if we ignore them or we bury them, then unfortunately what I found out all throughout life is y'all, they don't go away. They build. It's like that expression that you'll hear making a mountain out of a molehill or someone will say the expression of the action of sweeping something under the rug. Well, you see that figuratively. And if enough stuff gets swept under the rug, then the rug is raised up and it's a little bit, got a little bit of a raised and bam, shocka, laka. You come walking through there and you might trip and fall. Right? I mean, different things. I hope y'all are picking up what I'm putting down, but making the point that. We can't ignore our emotions forever because they do not go away. They build, and sometimes they leak, right? They leak out, and oftentimes at the absolute worst times, I. So the question is, okay, yep. We are all, we're with you on this. Maybe you're shaking your head going, yeah, yeah, mm-hmm. I'm feeling this. Okay. Don't want to, but I'm feeling this and I'm understanding that. Yeah, sometimes I feel some kind of way, right? And so the question is, how do we manage our emotions rather than being managed by them? I wanna say is I've kind of put these together just thinking about ways that I think it'd be helpful. For my own self and then also out of overflow for you guys, is just thinking about, all right, well, what can we do to be able to grow as we're going right with emotional intelligence? Step number one, name it. Here's the real talk. You can't heal what you can't identify, so you may have to ask yourself, what am I feeling right now? And then go beyond just mad or sad. Are you disappointed? Are you embarrassed? Are you anxious? Naming the emotion gives it boundaries. It also gives you words for what you're really feeling and helps you get to the root of whatever the issue really is. Step number two, get curious, not judgmental. Ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? What happened just before the emotion rose up? Did someone's words trigger an old wound? Did a boundary get crossed? those are just some questions to get you kind of thinking about getting curious, not judgmental. Step number three, create a pause or is what I like to say, or practice the pause, sometimes we just have to practice a pause. And the beauty of it is, is when we do practice a pause, we create pause, we give margin, and we give place for Holy Spirit to become our secret weapon. Because I think if we allow Holy Spirit to come in and kind of be like our, you know, our little secret weapon, so to speak, that before reacting and we pause and we pray, we can ask God God, what do you want me to see here? That can help us to be able to feel empowered immediately. I think about James chapter one, verse 19. It reminds us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. So how do we live that out? Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry? Well, we may need to create a pause. Step number four, respond intentionally. What I mean by that one? Well, I believe that you and I, again, like I said, this is just as much for me, y'all. We need to choose our next action based on wisdom, not impulse. Maybe that means stepping away from the conversation to cool down. Maybe it means journaling instead of arguing, maybe it means apologizing. Hmm. Gosh. Alright. Hmm. Did you really have to say that to me right now? Did I really have to hear that? I gotta apologize. Uh, but in all seriousness though, y'all, sometimes we may have to apologize even when we believe or we think or we feel that we're right and sometimes we apologize just to keep the peace. Right. And that can also though turn into that mountain out of a molehill though, right? Whenever we do not necessarily. Always allow our emotions to be messengers, not our masters. And so just also making sure though, that we guard our hearts, but we respond intentionally. And so however we can do that and whatever the situation may be. I think that's a game changer because that's really wisdom to operate that way, not to operate out of being impulsive. And so thinking about that, I think the importance of making mention that the goal isn't to suppress our emotions, but it is to steward them with excellence and to steward them well. Right? The goal isn't to suppress our emotions, but y'all, we get to steward them well. And so if we kind of follow that four step process. It helps. And so then I'm gonna lead us on in to jumping into hot take number three, improving communication with emotional intelligence. All right, y'all, so with that, thinking about communication, right? We, we talk, some of us talk way more words than others every day. Statistically that women speak three times the amount of words as men do. I know that might not be everybody's ratio,, but you know, just also being real. I do believe that all of us, most of us, I guess I will say we were taught. How to talk. As y'all can tell, I'm country is cornbread. People make fun of me how I say stuff all the time. And I just laugh too because you know, I'm from the south, I'm Southern and it's just, it's how I speak, right? And so I just have a good laugh with'em because I'm like, yeah, I probably do say that wrong. And so even though I was taught how to speak a certain way, which is more of a southern dialect, I wasn't necessarily taught though how to communicate. Those two things are very, very different. Communication isn't just about words, y'all. It's about tone. It's about timing, it's about body language, and most of all, it's about emotional clarity. And so thinking about that, I'm like, okay, well, we need a few ways that I believe each of us can grow as we're going and thinking about emotional intelligence is how can we improve our communication? Number one, use I statements instead of you accusations. Hmm. So instead of saying You never to me, then maybe instead you could say, I feel unheard when I try to express myself. What I have learned in dealing with difficult people or difficult conversations that y'all, this immediately lowers their defenses and it also opens their hearts. Almost always. Obviously, it's not a tried and true and gonna work with everyone, but when it does work, it does bring peace. It brings calmness in the situation. And so choosing to use I statements instead of you accusations. Number two, practice active listening. That means listening to understand, not just to respond, try repeating back what someone said. So what I hear you saying is that's a good way to try to be able to practice active listening, right? Because when we do that. I believe that it helps people feel seen and valued. At least it does with me. Whenever I feel like someone cares enough to say back to me so that I can, I know that they just desire to understand me. Right? Number three, don't communicate while emotionally flooded. Mm. That one has its own little. Amen. Amen. Amen. Right. Don't communicate while emotionally flooded. And so what I mean by that one is, uh, y'all, have you ever tried to settle or solve a conflict while your heart's racing and your mind's spinning? It doesn't work, right? I mean, it's like you can't even get your, your bearings straight, so to speak, is one of the expressions that I've heard before, but that you can't think straight. Right? It's almost like what comes outta your mouth. You're, you don't even know what you're saying sometimes. And so it is smart to not communicate. Whenever your emotions are all jacked up and you're feeling some kind of way, and it's got you tore up from the floor up, you might need to take a break. You might need to calm down and then come back when you're a little bit more calm, maybe even grounded. There's some peace. There's been some time that has passed. That is wisdom Number four, clarify before reacting. Sometimes a misheard word or tone can trigger a storm. Y'all a storm that comes all up in your relationships. And so instead of assuming, ask, can you clarify what you meant by that? And y'all, you'd be amazed how many arguments die in the face of clarity. This is one that I'm working on with the expression of, I truly believe this and I embrace it with my entire heart, is that I believe. Clarity is kind. Clarity is kind, y'all. And so I think it's so important if we practice clarity in all of our communication style so that we can all have some peace, have some kindness, and obviously have all the information, right? And so thinking about. What also gives me the hope of desiring to have more Christ-like character and, and the response of trying to be compassionate, but also living out as a person of trying to seek clarity as being kind. I think about Jesus was the master communicator. The master clarity was kind from him, right? Not, he wasn't necessarily the master communicator because he always said what people wanted to hear. No. I mean, he told people how it was right, but because he knew when to speak, he knew when to pause, and I believe that he also knew how to read the room. I. He set a great example for all of us to follow. So that's just a little something to make you go, Hmm, I'm gonna stick that in my pocket and remember that. Or as one of my friends says, I'm gonna chew on that for a bit, you know, and just stop and let that kind of be something that marinates within you. Of all those ways that, that Jesus was a master communicator. We wanna try to grow and be more like him. Then we might need to also follow the kindness, the clarity, the pausing. And being intentional so that we don't get all jacked up and feeling some kind of way. Right? Hot Take number four, building emotionally healthy relationships. Y'all, I mean, truth bomb on this one, like straight up truth is that I know without a shadow of a doubt that you can't have healthy relationships without emotional maturity. Y'all. That is 100% true and true. And somebody listening just gave me an amen and went a mm-hmm. Girl. That's right. That's a word. Because you cannot have healthy relationships without emotional maturity. I. By both parties. It takes both sides because you can't have one person doing all the giving and one doing all the taking. Right. And so emotionally healthy people and knowing how do you, how can you or do you see this in yourself, right as you're listening to this podcast about wanting to grow with emotional intelligence? And so I think I've put together like a few little things for you to think about. And maybe even for some self-growth from real life application of saying, Hey, you know what? I wanna be more emotionally healthy as a person, as a friend, in whatever way with the people that are in your life. And so emotionally healthy people know their boundaries and they also respect others boundaries. They apologize when they're wrong. They don't manipulate or guilt trip. They can have tough conversations with grace. They value honesty over harmony when necessary. So those are just some ways to make you kind of stop and think and question, am I emotionally intelligent in the sense that I'm emotionally healthy? Those are just a, you know, a handful of things. I don't even know, what was that, four or five different things for you to kind of stop and, and if, just ask yourself and then obviously you can think of your own and your own actions, but this is just some conversation stuff to get you kind of thinking. And so maybe with hearing all this, you might be realizing that you've been settling for surface level peace at the cost of real connection, or maybe you've been carrying the weight of other people's emotions and calling it love. I don't know. I'm not sure where you are in your own particular story, but I do want to speak something over you, y'all, that I so desperately wish that someone would've told me years ago. And it is this statement, you are not responsible for managing everyone else's emotional perception, their status, or their wellbeing. You are responsible for stewarding your own You. I hope that that helps you. If you might even wanna pause the podcast, back it up, just a smidgen and write that down, because it kind of gives us a little bit of permission to be able to just take responsibility, right? For stewarding our own emotions, our perceptions, our wellbeing, right? We're not responsible for other peoples. Y'all, one of the things that. I don't even know where I learned this. Maybe it was in counseling years ago or something, but the statement of that someone else's response is not my responsibility. And so I would encourage you guys with knowing that as well. If you are responsible for stewarding your own emotions, we cannot control how someone else responds, nor should we take that on. With the pressure we put on ourselves with trying to be somebody's savior, you know, so to speak, kind of thing. We can't do that. Only Jesus can. And so thinking about what does it look like though to build emotionally healthy relationships? We gotta be honest, right? Mm. There's you another honest and humble and all of that. Another good H word, but be honest about what you feel and what you need. Don't ghost when things get hard. You gotta communicate. Forgive quickly, but also hold boundaries consistently. Surround yourself with people who respect your no. And then also, most of all, really I'd rather say is I wanna encourage you, invite God into your relationships. As I like to say, invite Jesus.'cause that's who I'm most connected with. Between the Trinity, father, son, and Holy Spirit. And so Jesus, when I'm, when I'm going into a big meeting or, or just any type of situation that maybe I'm going feeling nervous or whatever, right? If there's some conflict, I'll invite Jesus and it's the coolest thing y'all. I'll pray and I'll invite, and it's, I will visualize him sitting right next to me in the chair or the booth, or on the couch or wherever the meeting, right? Even on Zoom, I mean it works. Invite Jesus. But in all seriousness, I really truly want to encourage you, invite God in your relationships because the Holy Spirit is the best counselor. Holy Spirit is the best conflict coach, and Holy Spirit is the best mirror for your own growth. Alright friends, we're gonna jump on in now the time of the episode where we all get our challenge that we can apply for our own growth for this week, our C3 time. The change chasers challenge for this week is for the next five days, I wanna encourage you to do these three things. Number one, name, one emotion you feel each morning. Number two, pause before every reaction. Number three, practice one intentional conversation with someone close to you. So there you go. I'm hitting you strong. For the next five days, I want you to try those three things. Name one emotion that you feel each morning. Number two, pause before every reaction. And then three, practice, one intentional conversation with someone close to you. Doing so might just impress you to see your growth, maybe even your own. Emotional intelligence enhancing, and you might be like, woo-hoo, let's go. The biggest blessing though, y'all will be that you're not just becoming more emotionally intelligent, you're becoming more like Christ, and that's the ultimate glow up or grow up. So keeping strong and also allowing ourselves to have that mentality of we are going to. Do better, right? When we know better, then we can do better, and as a result, we will have the blessing of growing as we're going. Thanks for tuning into today's episode of the Change Chasers podcast. I do hope that this episode has blessed you and maybe given you some stuff to just stop and think about, and even questioning your own emotional intelligence and just kind of checking yourself, right? Gotta check yourself so you don't wreck yourself, but also remembering that your emotions are not your enemy there. Your invitation to grow, to connect, and to become more grounded in who you truly are. So with that said, sweet friends, I wanna encourage you, keep chasing change, keep seeking truth, and keep becoming the healthiest whole version of yourself. There's so much to be proud of whenever we choose to invest in ourselves. So until next time, let's keep chasing change and living with purpose. Goodbye sweet friends.