The Seven Primal Questions Series: AM I SAFE?

Have you ever struggled with anxiety, control, overthinking, or always preparing for the worst-case scenario? The hidden question driving your life may be:

“Am I Safe?”

In this episode, Mandy explores how childhood experiences shape our need for safety and security, why some people spend their lives trying to control their environment, and how God invites us to find true safety in Him. Discover practical ways to move from fear-based living to faith-filled living.

Key Scripture: Psalm 46:1-2

FREE ASSESSMENT: https://primalquestion.typeform.com/to/DmcABGY6?typeform-source=www.primalquestion.com

Faith in Action // Change in Motion

Transcript

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Well, welcome back Change Chasers. I am really looking forward to this new series that we are starting today. If you're new to the podcast, then hey, welcome, and if you are coming on back and you are a weekly listener, welcome back. I'm trying something new because y'all, I've been so blessed over the last, this is my now fourth year, but I've used a resource that's called The Seven Primal Questions, and it is a book by Mike Foster. His subtitle is Take Control of the Hidden Forces That Drive You. So it is kinda, yeah, a self-help book. It is faith-based, and so I'm always about such things that will help me also to grow in my faith in alignment with what scripture says, but also just knowing as a person, hey, how can I continue to grow? Obviously, that is what Change Chasers is all about. We know that this is a podcast that helps us to pursue growth and purpose and transformation through faith and action. So I do hope that you'll be blessed as we kick off this series today. Um, before we get to our main topic today of it being si- uh, Primal Question Number One, and I just It's called PQ1. Uh, if you've read the book, then that would make sense to you, and if you haven't and you're like, "What are you saying?" But Primal Question Number One, um, is, am I safe? But I thought it would be really cool before we just focus on that question to give you a quick little, um, overview just to make mention so that as you're listening you will look forward to whatever your primal question is. FYI, for you to find out what your primal question is, there is a free assessment. I've got the link that's in our show notes. If you would like to go take that, it is free, and it shouldn't take you more than five minutes, I wouldn't think, to take that. But you can Google as well if you, you know, if you're not able to access the link or maybe don't know how to copy the link and paste it, then just simply go to your search engine and google, um, The Seven Primal Questions and put in there free assessment. It is a yellow book with white and black writing if you wanted to look for that on Amazon and get it. It's a pretty quick read, but it's full of so much great information. And so actually every June for the last four years I have been, uh, rereading the book, and I redo my assessment and that way I can see, hey, am I still under the same question of what I'm operating out of? Because it's pretty fascinating. What we learn in studying through this in this book is that- We operate out of our primal question, like what is within us, and it is based off so much of how we grew up. It's how our core question, so to speak, it's how we... It's like what drives our choices and our actions and even our triggers. And so our primal questions will be what provides clarity even into our vulnerabilities and our opportunities and how we navigate relationships, even how we love ourselves, we judge ourselves, um, how we go through our life decisions. And I'm hoping that it'll be something that'll maybe help you to be able to thrive, not just survive, right? As, as you go through and you continue to learn the information and know your primal question. Uh, throughout it, each primal question has what's known as a kryptonite, and it's, uh, kind of what it... how it affects you. And so we're gonna talk through those things, though. It'll be a little bit a part of each episode. So with that said, I will go ahead and tell you the seven primal questions are the following questions. So primal question number one is, am I safe? Primal question number two is, am I secure? Number three is, am I loved? Number four is, am I wanted? Number five, am I successful? Number six, am I good enough? And number seven, do I have a purpose? So that might be intriguing to some of you guys. So I would encourage you, go take the free assessment, find out what your primal question is. And so today, friends, we're gonna jump right on in with content of talking through, um, the question, am I safe? That's the first primal question. I will go ahead and tell you upfront and be honest, I am an am I safer. I don't know how many of my friends out there are also, um, somebody that operates out of that being your primal question. And so, uh, if you are, then I know that you, um, will be grateful to maybe learn some of this information as we go through and we navigate how we operate. And so, um, am I safe people are... They really find their highest emotional need being met if they feel safe physically and emotionally. Um, an am I safe person, their core fear is harm. They have fear of experiencing pain and not being able to survive or figure it out. Their primal gift, though, as being am I safe, is that they are people who are, in the words of the book, the world's guardians. They are people who help other people feel safe and protected because they know what it's like to not feel that way, so they do what they can to make others feel safe and protected. They have the natural ability to analyze and predict, and they are emotionally connected and sensitive. They are protectors or the watchdogs of the world, so to speak. Their kryptonite, which is what really paralyzes them, is negative surprises. So people who operate out of am I safe, their truth statement that they will ask is Oh, gosh. On the flip side, if they can say, "I am safe," then they are raising a praise of gratitude for that primal truth statement. But their primal avoidance is the tendency to avoid risk and to keep people at an emot- emotionally safe distance, or arm's length, as we'll say here in the South. And so then other ways that people who have this question may ask, some of the things they ask theirselves may be, "Will I be okay? Am I protected? Is life against me? Will I survive?" And so we're gonna talk through some of the am I safe tendencies that, um, people who have... who live in that being their primal question. We do know that primal question is most definitely formed from early childhood. And so, um, for... so if you're wondering why you have that, it is rooted in your life experiences. So be it whatever age or stage of life, if you've experienced trauma, if you've experienced a tough, rough upbringing, then, you know, don't judge yourself if your question, your primal question is, am I safe? And so as we jump into the content I prepared today, that was a, a little bit of the overview for Am I Safe from the book, but also just wanted to kinda touch on the thought process that I believe everybody handles things differently, right? So maybe as you're listening, you would consider the idea of, have you ever noticed that two people can experience the exact same situation, but yet they will respond completely differently. One person remains calm, while another immediately begins preparing for every possible worst case scenario. One person may trust easily, while another person struggles to let anyone close and trust. Mm-mm, no way. You ain't getting my trust. You're gonna have to earn it, right? I mean, y'all, when we go through and we think about this and the scenario of that, I mean, I just ask that really big three-letter word, why, right? Big question mark in the air, why? Well, I do think it's because too often What happens is that beneath our behaviors truly is a deeper question that we've been trying to answer for most of our lives. And so when we go through this primal questions, it'll take us seven to eight weeks-ish, I would, I would think. Um, my goal is to try to be able to cover one each week that, you know, we don't just get caught up in this being like a personality test, but it, uh, can be something that'll help you to launch you into understanding why you do the things you do and why you operate like you operate. And so hopefully the questions as you go through it can help you to understand that so much about the way you operate now really was formed early on in childhood. What you experienced, the influences in your life, that's a part of the decisions that you make. That's why and how you operate in relationships like you do. Maybe you're a parent. That is how you've also learned to parent. Maybe even your fears, your dreams, and even possibly how you lead others or the type of leadership that you desire and how you like to be led. I mean, so much about the things that we experience are based off of past experiences. And so thinking through our question, our primal question today of saying, "Am I safe?" And if that is your question, then as we go through and we try to explore this, I know that the very first thing that is natural for most people to think about when you hear the word safe, most of us immediately think about physical danger. But I personally think, and obviously I've done this book now for four years in a row, that I know that that is a much deeper question. And so going through and thinking through what does that actually mean, it can mean such questions as: Can I trust people? Can I let my guard down? Will someone hurt me? Will everything fall apart if I'm not in control? For many people, y'all, I think that this question wasn't created overnight. And I will say I'm living in that. I know that that question is formed within us slowly and almost always by different repetitious life experiences, things that we just really had no control over. Maybe you grew up in a home that felt very unpredictable, like your environment didn't feel safe, so maybe there was always constant conflict, or maybe someone struggled with addiction. Maybe promises were broken. Maybe people who should have protected you didn't. Maybe life simply felt uncertain, and your little heart learned to just always be on guard and feel like that you had to protect yourself. That's me. I can connect with that so much. I mean, I'm never baffled every time my question turns up again, am I safe? Because children become incredibly resourceful, yes. They develop coping mechanisms that help them to survive, yes. But the problem is that those survival skills often become adult habits, that even after the danger has passed, that y'all, that still lingering question of, am I safe? And that being a primal question for m- some of us, a lot of us, um, not all of us, though. But it, it may have you noticing within yourself possibly such things of this, is that any over thinkers out there? Anybody else? Are you an over thinker? Raise your left hand and wave it in the air. Right? I mean, overthinking every decision. Hey, my fellow over thinkers, I hope you're having a great day. I'm gonna air high five you to that hand raised in the air. But also, y'all, do you play every possible scenario out in your head, right? The, oh, could it go this way or that way? Or, you know, people who have this primal question are playing all the scenarios out for self-protection, right? And then also, there's the thought process of maybe you are always needing a backup plan, and then you might even be so far as to need a backup for the backup plan. And then also, you might be someone who struggles to fully trust people. Maybe you even struggle with feeling anxious when life feels uncertain. And then some people who have the primal question of am I safe They might even get all caught up in taking responsibility for everyone else's wellbeing. Am I safers, a lot of times will feel exhausted because they always feel like they are on. So if you're relating, then I hope that this is helpful to you, and I hope that if you do get the book, it'll, it'll be a blessing to you, because I do feel like being a am I safe person, an am I safer, as I call it, that it can get so exhausting to feel like you're always on. People, though, um, that are safe, oftentimes as, you know, as I kind of gave you a little synopsis of what the, the book says, it's, you know, just your, your folks that you're go-getters and the protectors of the world. And so, an am I safer may be somebody that folks describe as responsible and dependable or prepared. Y'all, those are wonderful qualities, right? We are like, "Woo-hoo, raise a praise of gratitude," that someone would describe us that way. But also, I do feel like that when we can get caught up in taking responsibility for things that aren't even ours to take ownership of, is that it can be equal to fear in disguise. Because fear says, "If I can control everything, nothing bad will happen." Y'all, but life keeps reminding us, or some people will say, "Life will humble you real fast," right? But that life keeps reminding us that it's impossible, that no amount of planning can eliminate uncertainty, and no amount of control can guarantee safety. Eventually, we discover something difficult, that control makes a terrible God, a little G god. Because y'all, control demands more. When we get caught up in operating out of control, then we will find ourselves with more planning, more worrying, more checking, more striving. Yet it never gives us peace that it promises, because there's no promise in control. And I know that all too well from honestly just being transparent and vulnerable. I've lived that out. I've tried to control all the controllables. And when I went through counseling, I remember my counselor saying, "You know, Mandy, you are trying to control everything because you were a child, that everything was out of control. Like, you... It was just such chaos and such a really, really challenging environment." And so I became an adult who was like, "Well, I'm gonna control all this," because it goes into self-protection mode, right? But praise God that we know Psalms 46 tells us in scripture that God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. The bottom part of that verse in two says, "Therefore, we will not fear." Friends, I want to camp out with this verse for just a moment, and I want to encourage you to take this verse, jot it down, and I'm going to give you the challenge that every day I want you to declare, declare a, a fear, something that you want God to heal you from and to help you to be able to conquer, to overcome, and lay that fear out, name it, and replace with this verse, like the whole idea that God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear. And by helping us to name that and continue to say, "You know what, Father? God, I give this to you. I receive your help with this fear and trying to conquer this," y'all, what I'm gonna do this week, and maybe you're gonna take my challenge, is I'm gonna put my name in with that bottom part of the verse where it says, "We," such as this, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, Mandy will not fear." Maybe that's you. I invite you and I encourage you. Maybe you will say, "Therefore, Lee will not fear. Therefore, Tracy will not fear. Therefore, Brad will not fear." Whatever your name is, throw your name in there, friend, because I will say this, notice what scripture doesn't say. It doesn't promise that there won't be trouble. It promises that God will be present in the trouble, big G God, Father God. He will be present in the trouble. Faith doesn't remove every storm, but faith gives an anchor in the middle of the storm. Our security isn't found in perfect circumstances. It's found in God's unchanging character. Praise God for knowing God's character is so, so good, and He's so faithful. He's so loving. He's so kind, and I truly do know that the safest place that you'll ever be is in a place where nothing can go wrong. Nope, it is not. It's a place where you know that no matter what happens, that God is with you, for we know from His Word, from the Holy Bible, that He is your refuge. He is your protector. He is your peace. When we truly believe that, we begin loosening our grip on the reins of control. I like to call control the ugly C-word, along with comparison, right? Those are two ugly C-words that when we get caught up, they are both a thief of joy. Because control, it's a false solution that we really don't have control, friends. Like, we gotta be willing to release for peace. And so I wanna encourage you to shift your confidence and your faith and your hope in knowing that Father God has all ability to be who sustains us through it all. I wanna give you some questions to just stop, think about. Call it personal re- reflection or, like, however you wanna word it, but I wanna ask you these questions, and, and I wanna ask you to just truly think about these. Jot them down, whatever, or revisit this part of the podcast. But what keeps you up at night? Like, what keeps you awake, tossing and turning? Like, what are the things that you are thinking about? And then also, what situation are you trying desperately to control? And then I want to give you the thought of saying, like this process of what would happen if you trusted God with the outcome instead of carrying the entire weight yourself? Those are just a few questions I've been thinking about in preparation for the am I safe part of this series of the seven primal questions because I do truly know from living a life who, y'all, I've tried to control all the controllables, everything. I mean, uh, down to anything that it doesn't even make sense why I would try to control it, right? And when I just stop and I just think about that my peace isn't found because things change. Not really. My peace arrives because I'm finally willing to surrender what I was never meant to carry. And so maybe that's you as well, that maybe there's some things you need to surrender so that you can truly embrace the peace that Father God's got for you. And just knowing that what you're doing and the way you're living your life, that if it is causing you to not have peace, then maybe it's something that you need to evaluate. Do some self-reflection and say, "Okay, am I trying to control this?" And it could be that your primal question is, am I safe? And so your kryptonite could be that, you know, you need to feel safe physically and emotionally. And so again, that's why I thought I would share this book because it's been really helpful to me, and I hope that it will be to you as well. Before I sign off, I want to give you a change chaser challenge for this week. I do want to encourage you that you would insert your name in the we part of that verse about not fearing, but I also want to encourage you to, uh, each morning wake up, and maybe it's the same fear every day, and that's okay if it is. But I want to challenge you every morning, uh, before your day like really gets started and it begins, I want you to name one fear. Just one. Doesn't have to be a big long list, just one fear. Write it down if you need to. Put it in the notes of your phone if you need to. But I want you to name it out loud. I want you to declare it out. I want you to speak it out. Not to give power to it, but I want you to go through this process of purging in a sense, because I really feel like God has given me just this quick little one-liner, uh, to challenge you, encourage you, but also just give you the simplicity of this statement of I want to invite you to name that fear, and then I want you to say, "God, I'm giving you this fear today because you are my refuge." That's it. It's as simple as that. That's something I think you can remember, right, friends? So I want to challenge you with that. Whatever your fear is, I want you to name it, but I also want you to invite Jesus, invite Father God, invite Holy Spirit to come and dwell within that, because that is where your true change can come for peace for within, because He is our refuge. If anxiety comes creeping back in, giving it a little right, then no, you do not allow anxiety to reclaim it. You remind yourself, "Hey, no. Uh-uh, self, I've already placed this in Father God's hands," and don't pick it back up. Whatever you've released for peace, then sister and brother, keep it, let it go. Keep it there. Don't keep it within you, right? And just see what happens, right? It's not gonna hurt anything to give that a go. That's gonna take you 10 seconds every day. But I do believe in the power of professing out verbally and just claiming Father God through his power, because I truly do believe what his word says. And as a reminder, I'll leave you with this verse. Psalms 46:1-2 says, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear." Y'all, God is our refuge. Even in the midst of the storms- Even though they might not go by as quickly as we can, we still get to hold on to faith. And when we hold on to faith, we know that faith is what anchors us in the storms. We know that he is the vine, we are the branches. Apart from him, we can do nothing. So with all sincerity, I do hope, sweet friends, that you will choose to abide in Father God and allow him to help you to say yes to the question of, "Am I safe?" Because when we trust God and we surrender and we're in that heart posture, it really does change everything. And as a change chaser, man, y'all, I'm all about, um, continuing to grow. I love extra peace. I always, you know, have my little running one-liner joke that, "Sign me up for extra peace and extra fries." And I always say I've, you know, never ran into a french fry that didn't make my day better. Um, but in all seriousness, God is our refuge. He is our strength if we allow him to be. And so I'm gonna do something a little different. I just wanna pray a sweet little prayer over you, my brother or my sister, as you listen to this, and I hope that it's like a heart hug to you, because I just feel like the Lord is saying to close this thing out with a prayer. So you know what? I'm gonna walk in obedience, not perfection. Amen. Amen, right? So maybe don't bow your head if you're driving, but if you're able to, if you wanna take a little bow here, or if you just will just receive this prayer with me as, um, I just feel led to close us out this week with this. So if you will, let's pray. Father God, we just thank you so much for being our refuge and our strength. We raise a praise of gratitude for all the ways that you're so faithful. I pray right now, Lord, for all of those, us that are listening together, Lord, I pray that you will help us to truly believe, Lord, that you got us, right? That when we surrender, that even though it might feel like a sacrifice, it's so worth it. Lord, I pray that you'll teach us to trust you more deeply, and I pray that you will help us to trust you even more than our own plans. Will you calm any anxious hearts who are listening today? Will you bring peace where fear has once ruled? Will you help us each to remember that your presence is far greater than our circumstances? Lord, I pray for my brothers and sisters that are listening today, that you'll help them, and myself too, to be able to surrender one fear at a time. And Lord, in doing so, may we each discover the freedom that comes from resting safely in you. Father, will you help us to feel comforted and to know that we are safe because we are your children, and that you love us so much, and we thank you for that sweet, sweet reminder today. We ask these things in Jesus' name. Amen. All right. Thanks again, sweet friends, for tuning in this week. It truly has been a gift in discussing am I safe of the seven primal questions. As I wrap up, again, I remind you, go take that free assessment. You can do the Google search, just put it in there, the seven primal questions, free quiz by Mike Foster, or you can click on the link in the show notes. But I think that you'll enjoy this series so much more if you know what your primal question is, so that when we cover it, it hopefully will bring some life to your soul and give you maybe even some little tidbits of strength to help you to be able to navigate life's struggles and difficulties. And it might even just be a blessing to you to know that you ain't cray-cray, right? That the stuff you go through has been conditioned within you. But y'all, I do believe that whenever we're willing to submit and surrender, Father God can change things. So next week, we will be talking about am I secure? And so with that said, that episode will be hitting hopefully by next Monday. Again, it has been a gift to spend this sweet time with you. Know that I'm cheering you on, one of my favorite change chasers ever in this world. And so with that, sweet friends, I leave you with our farewell goodbye. Let's keep chasing change and living with purpose. Goodbye, sweet friends.