Hello and welcome to this episode of the Air we Breathe podcast. I am your host, heather Sayers-Laman, and I will be talking to me today about behavior change. When we look at behavior change creating healthy habits for myself I can absolutely say the way that I learned to develop habits was within the confines of how diet culture told me habits should be done, which is any type of nutrition change or physical activity was always in the vein of making sure I had the smallest body possible, also appropriate amount of musculature, appropriate amount of body fat, really just to look a certain way. Honestly, and as I've said before, I went through eating disorder recovery several years ago and had to revisit all of the ways I had been taking care of myself and ask a lot of questions, make a lot of changes to what I wanted to do and why I wanted to do it. So I will say that it's a very challenging process but so enlightening because I just didn't realize, even though I had a much healthier relationship with food as I've gotten older and I will say this eating disorder stemmed from oh boy, here's the air quotes trying to be healthier because again diagnosed with a thyroid condition. Obviously you should change everything in your diet and, you know, eat a very specific way. That's a very restrictive, very limiting, very soul-sucking, very isolating. So the body size wasn't a piece of that, but it all bleeds together. So what I really tried to do now when I'm working with people is keep in mind that people are wanting to make behavior changes and they might be wanting to change their nutrition. They might be wanting to change their physical activity, stress management. There are a lot of different pieces, but being able to support them in a way that does not revolve around body size or fitting a certain model as well, because, again, that has its own perils.
Speaker 1When I am working with someone, I use a framework that I used for such a long time before I actually realized it was a framework, and I call it the steady rise because I never want people to have the concept that they're like oh my gosh, I'm changing everything. Look at me. Everything's so much better now. Everything is so different, because that doesn't last. That's not how we make changes and I really wanted people to understand that this is a slow and steady process, managing expectations. But the framework is four different steps. I wouldn't say there's this really distinct timeline of oh yes, it's time for step one. It's time for step two. You know everybody's different. Everybody has a different time available to them, they have different resources available to them, they have different levels of motivation. So time frames may vary greatly and I don't think I mean there's no ideal time frame. Anyway, I don't believe in that because, again, everyone in their circumstances are so different within these four steps. That's where the rise comes from, the RIS, and the first step is release diet culture. The second step is investigate traps. The third step is skill building and the fourth step is experiment and grow. I am going to put this on the page so you can go to heathersayerslaymancom backslash rise and you can get a copy of the framework that I use, with some explanation of why I do what I do.
Speaker 1Let's take a closer look at step number one releasing diet culture. As you know, this podcast is called the air we breathe and Diet culture is the air we breathe. One of my favorite people to follow, kelly Deals, always says the water is wet and we're all in the water, or we're all in the water and the water is wet. Anyway, we're all just in diet culture and you may be at different points in realizing how much of diet culture you're in, how much of your behavior, your feelings about yourself, your feelings about your body, your feelings about what you should be doing and what you shouldn't be doing. Hopefully you can sense those air quotes on the should and shouldn't, but this is so deep, it starts so young and the messages are so strong and they are coming from everywhere. It's coming from inside the house and we do a great job of gatekeeping ourselves and making sure we're staying in line with diet culture.
Speaker 1Many of the people I work with already have an idea that this is out there poking around, but absolutely some people are like now, what's that? What say you about diet culture? So part of my job is really educating. So if you're trying to move yourself through behavior change, that's what I would recommend. The first place to start is really surrounding yourself with people that are like hey, diet culture is bullshit. Hey, did you know? Hey, have you thought about this? Because I think that having an environment and I'll just say social media is the easiest place to start that you can clean up and you can have feedback on a regular basis, that we're not trying to follow diet culture anymore. That's not it, that's not healthy and we're really trying to find something that works just for us. So that's one piece that I really encourage you to look at, and maybe you already have that. I need to have some feedback and, again, the resource that I sent you to my website has people that I really like. That I think are good follows and that keep your mind moving in a direction that you can be your most authentic, happy and content self.
Speaker 1I think that friends in the same vein, like, can be a little hard. I think it can be challenging, I would say, in my everyday life, starting at the gym at 5 am, and that's basically like diet culture and alternation. It is very bad, it doesn't bother me. I don't find it triggering or anything. I'm just like, oh boy, it seems exhausting because I've done it all and I have been exhausted. So, finding real life spaces I highly encourage you to, and I know it's very, very challenging to do that. I belong to some groups that are focused on weight inclusivity and that helps me professionally to kind of keep keep my eye on the prize, if you will.
Speaker 1One piece of releasing diet culture is really finding your why. Your why may have been a lot of things up until now it may really have been like yeah, I need to have the smallest body possible, I need to keep it tight, I need to be this specific size, I need to be this certain weight. Now you have the opportunity to ask yourself deeper questions why, like? What is it you're trying to do and what do you want? So I usually like especially in the courses that I do for corporate wellness we look at the big feeling that you want and it's also surrounded by what are my obstacles? And like also like what? How is it that I feel that I don't wanna feel, because a lot of times we will create in the vein of getting away from something, but until you really clarify your why, you don't know where you're going anyway. So you can't focus on what you don't want. It's really helpful to focus on what you want and say this all the time.
Speaker 1My faves are peaceful and content. Some people really like joyful, passionate, confident, competent. What is it like? Easy breezy, like there are lots of feelings that you can want. Those can change day to day. I just try to create a North Star, basically with that of like why am I doing any of this? But it's very helpful. I work at a 5, am Gotta get up at 4 40. So when I get up, it's very helpful to have, like, a wait. What? Why am I doing this? What did I say? Or if I'm trying to make changes in my nutrition, or if I'm trying to incorporate more stress management, or if I'm trying to create better boundaries, it's important to remember, like, why am I doing this?
Speaker 1And the last part of step one is envision ideal health. Boy oh boy, is this different for everyone. I put my ideal health in the body of somebody who has chronic illness and who doesn't have a thyroid and who has all these other weird autoimmune problems. My ideal health exists in this body because it's the only one that I have. I don't think it's helpful to envision your ideal health as remember when I was 18 and my back felt great and my knees were great, my thyroid was really healthy. Yeah, we're not going backwards. That's never going to happen again.
Speaker 1So what does that look like for me? And again, if I take the weight factor out of it, what does that look like? Is it? My blood sugars are managed more efficiently. I feel like my heart rate is a little lower, my blood pressure is better, my mobility is so good. Getting up and down off the floor is so much easier. I'm able to carry heavy things at Costco. I'm able to go upstairs without getting winded. Those are all really pretty ableist comments because, again, some people have chronic disabilities and it might look very different there.
Speaker 1So what is it that you are trying to envision for yourself as ideal health? And I don't ever mean for that to be like ooh pie in the sky, but really, pragmatically, I love getting good labs back, like I really like it, like okay, thyroid is good, like it's where it should be, and the numbers that I'll pertain to that are doing well, because that means a lot of different things for my daily function. So that's a big piece of my ideal health. Alright, we're gonna roll into number two investigate traps. This, I think, is beneficial to do, because we tend to do the same things over and over, expecting a different outcome. This absolutely with my chronic dieting population. They've done it all. They've done it well. They have worked incredibly hard at a model that does not create sustainable results for them and, for many reasons, that's something that they're not going to pursue anymore.
Speaker 1So a piece of that is examine habit history and look at like, what have I been doing? It's like, oh boy, you know what? I did start with Adkins and then I did jump to Paleo and then I went to Mediterranean, like whatever it is. I have a habit of doing this and also looking at your distinct habits. I will do all the research to find a gym, because this is going to be it and I will join, and usually I'm good for about three weeks.
When we examine habit history, we are objective observers.
Speaker 1This is not about judging.
Speaker 1This is not about being embarrassed. This is not about feeling any sort of way. This is about creating a history. I feel like, what have I been doing? And the same way if I was sitting with you, because I don't give a rip Like what has happened in the past. My goal is to help kind of set that rudder to go in the direction that you want to go to. I don't have any feelings about what you've been doing. So we're really trying to be objective during this part and look at yes, I tend to like clean out the whole pantry and make huge changes, or I just talk about it. I actually talk about a lot of these things and I obsessively collect recipes or whatever it might be. But take a peek. What's in the rear view mirror? Again, it doesn't really matter moving forward, it's just good information for you, because we want to do different things. If the things that you've been doing haven't been working, then how can we change and do something different to get you closer to the outcome that you want? So learn effective goal setting.
Speaker 1I do have a webinar on goal setting because this is really difficult for a lot of people. We always want to do behavioral goals and not outcome space goals. Again, like I can't make a goal to say I want to lower my a1c by one point, because I can't distinctly do that. I can absolutely say I want to have better pairings for my morning snack and making sure I'm having protein and fiber and fat and carbs all in one snack and I'm going to do that five days a week. I'm going to do that usually around 10 30 in the morning, 10 or 10 30. I'm going to do those during the weekdays and I can distinctly check did I do that? Yes, those are behavior goals, that's not an outcome goal. Hopefully that will lead to a better a1c. But we don't want to focus on the outcome. Again, people focus on weight and I'm always like, because you can't distinctly Control that. You can control your behaviors and focus on those things.
Speaker 1So that's again a whole, pretty big piece because it does involve how you're setting those up. And it is important because there are very common pitfalls to goal setting and it's important to Look at how do I avoid those pitfalls so that you're not kind of wasting your time or treading water when you don't need to be doing that. So, linking your why and your goals so I said I want to feel peaceful and content Are my goal setting me up to do that. But you look at that a1c goal of like getting my morning snack Straightened out and a better combination to support my blood sugars Then does that make me feel peaceful and content? For me it does. I don't feel great, my blood sugars are off, it's harder for me to concentrate, I feel more tired, definitely a little crabbier, some would say. So you really want to link those up because I've got this, why I've got this North Star of what I really want. Are my goals supporting me in doing that? So, again, if I have somebody that is, like you know, bound and determined, like oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You say you want to feel peaceful and content. And here's the data on, you know, looking at a weight-based goal, what if we change that to more of a behavior and not a weight?
Speaker 1The third piece is skill building. So I focus on intuitive eating. I Don't look at it as a religion per se. I find the framework extremely helpful. I think that the ten steps are necessary to change your relationship with food. I Think that Elise Rush and Evelyn Tribbley did a fantastic job with that book, fourth edition only. Please Don't buy any of the earlier ones. I think it's really, really, really helpful. So I, you know, steer people in that direction because I'm not a counter. Again, everybody has body autonomy and you can do whatever works best for you. I would say, for me that doesn't work and I usually try to steer people in a direction of focusing on how they feel and the contents of what they're eating, how that's making them feel, looking at hunger cues and fullness cues a lot of information, because I think that Intuitive eating is a long game. It is not a short game at all because, again, if you're trying to change your relationship with food and your body, that takes a while. That is my goal with people and I Also have people that's really not very helpful for and they it's just not for them. So, once again, I always think as a coach I mean there is no one-size-fits-all, but it's a framework that I find that's beneficial for most many.
Speaker 1The next piece is find meaningful movement. I think that there are a lot of conversations Her people who very earnestly say joyful movement and it just doesn't fit my personality. Because, again, my workout at 5 am, I really like it. It's got a little social Bit. We lift in the way that I like to lift and we work on things. You know, we have a lot of like mobility stuff as well because I want to keep this train on the track as long as I can and I just don't have the personality that's like this is so joyful. Because, I will tell you at 5 am, really not much is joyful at 6 am, when a couple of us go get brekkie, that's pretty joyful. When I'm sharing my cinnamon muffin With my lifting friend, that's pretty joyful, but it's meaningful. It's, I would say, like it's in a direction because, looking at your goals and your why's for me being active and mobile, I've had multiple chronic injuries that kept me from doing a lot of things that I wanted to do.
Speaker 1I have plantar fasciitis for two years. My feet hurt for two years. It was awful. I've also had debilitating back pain where I was crawling into my physical therapist's office. So I don't have like pie in the sky. I can't wait to do this marathon, like, no, not for me. I'm just trying to be able to move, get in and out of my car without pain, things on and off the floor, do laundry without pain, go for a walk with my dogs without pain. That's meaningful to me, but as a term you heard, it's meaningful. You have to find out, like, what is meaningful for you. Also, does that tie in with my why, so choose stress management? So this is not when I'm coaching.
Speaker 1We wouldn't do these all together. I wouldn't be like okay, so intuitive eating, then movement and then stress management, because if there are too many goals, it's just too much. It's too easy to become overwhelmed, it's too easy to quit. And I certainly will say, like when I was getting my coaching certificate, they were like okay, so pick three to five goals. And maybe it's the population I work with. I work with a lot of women who are very busy and they have a lot of responsibility. That's crazy. Talk Like that's just ludicrous to think that somebody has time to do five goals and we'll talk about it in two weeks. So it could be a couple, because it could be like you know. Well, I really want to, you know, monitor my hydration as well. That's fine, and you're working on movement.
Speaker 1It's so much better for you to under load than overload because during this process of change, your brain gets reinforcement from quote-unquote success, from you doing what you said you wanted to do. That reinforces your self, efficacy of like oh, I can do this. It helps your self-esteem. So setting yourself up with too many things to do is going to hurt yourself efficacy and it will hurt your self-esteem, and that's not the direction we want to go. Less is more. Less is absolutely more Okay.
Speaker 1So the fourth piece is experiment and grow. So this is where we're taking all those things we've been talking about and really putting them into play. So there is overlap within three and four. These aren't like distinct, separate things, because you're coming back and we're going to talk about it again. So, for you, if you're working by yourself, this is where you're going to start implementing things and being accountable and checking in on yourself. And even when I say accountable, it sounds like one of those like awful, like Beachbody MLM coaches. That's like I'm your accountability buddy, like no, there's nothing about guilt or shame or pressure or profit that's involved in accountability. It's really objectively looking at, like here's what I said I'm going to do and here's what I did, and we look at different reasons for that as well. So basically, it's implementing the behavior.
Speaker 1I always tell people to check every two weeks with your behaviors and see like what you did, because it might bump up against. Yeah, my parents were in town, so you know I was much busier. I didn't get to do everything I wanted to, or I twisted my ankle so that really took me out of it. Or my son's occupational therapist quit and I had to find a new one, pronto. A lot of things get in the way and it never helps to beat yourself up about it. You're never going to feel better or change your behavior faster because you're just on your back.
Speaker 1So within that, the next piece is identify emotional reactions, and this is its own skill set unto itself, because we have a lot of stories that we're telling ourselves of what it means when we meet the bar, what it means when we don't meet the bar, and those stories are just that. There's stories. You learn them from someone, most likely not yourself. There are a lot of social reinforcements. There's a side of the internet that I do not peek into that is very much about more is more and harder is more, and more is better, harder is better, like all of that, and I don't participate in that part of the internet. I see it every once in a while because I have different people that I follow that will kind of debunk some of those things and I'm always like are people really saying this? Like kindness and gentleness will get you much farther than more is more.
Speaker 1But I want to look at the emotional reactions, because there are different pieces and parts of myself that are having feelings about what is happening. So that is something that I want to investigate of. Like, why am I feeling guilty? Why am I feeling embarrassed? Why am I exasperated with myself? Why am I so frustrated? Like, what is this? Great journaling topics, but I have people really look at what's coming up, because these are stories that we need to change the narrative on. This is a huge place for self compassion.
Speaker 1Again, if you twisted your ankle like is that time to beat yourself up for not trying new recipes? Probably not. That's a time for icing and elevation from some compression, maybe some exercises to help your ankle. It just might not be time for those recipes. We've got to shift and focus on healing first, and the last piece is a continual piece and it's tweak and try again. There's sort of stories about failing and trying again and I just call it tweaking and trying again because you're not failing, because you tried something and that's never a failure.
Speaker 1But during the different seasons we have in our life and I will say this at 52, I've lost count of the different seasons I've had in my life because as a parent we've had so many different seasons for what they're doing and that might revolve around it's robotic season, it's basketball season, it's the time of year that's too hot to walk to school, so I've got to drive you to school, trumpets, like all of these things, and that changes my bandwidth, that changes my availability, it might change my financial resources, it changes a lot of things and I have to be kind and compassionate with myself about those realities. So I think when we look at tweaking of well, I'll use my schedule right now five o'clock. Let's just say I was a six o'clock exerciser but my son's got early swim practice, okay. Well, that's not going to work, so I might need to change this for a particular amount of time. Any of the go at five, figure out how I can do it at noon or do it after work, whatever my schedule will allow.
Speaker 1And again, trying to be objective, trying to keep an open mind and trying just to be a problem solver. I have worked with so many people. They're like I just love going to the gym. I want to be in the gym and they've got a one in three year old. Well, depends on the old division of responsibility. Is it fine if you go and do that? I've certainly. I've had that early schedule forever throughout. I remember I was swimming at 530 in the morning and like trying to nurse my son before I would go swimming, so my engorged breasts wouldn't hurt so much when I was swimming.
Speaker 1Just have to do things that aren't ideal sometimes and kind of do that weighing out of like, oh you know, is this worth it? Is this working and again, tweaking and trying again and moving on from there, so as these seasons change, and they change as well, like I've been going to a gym since I was 15, 52. So at 37 years, lord, that's a lot of gym dues, I'll tell you that. But the things that I've done have varied greatly. Like I've done so many different things, you know, because sometimes I get bored with certain things, I want to try some different things and then I don't like certain things, so I want to go back.
Speaker 1I think that looking again at these seasons, so again that person really wants to work out at the gym, but maybe with their kids. Like maybe streaming workouts at home are the best option right now, and learning to be okay with the season. And is it my favorite? Like, maybe it's not my favorite, maybe I really want to go for a hike. Well, maybe that doesn't fit in. What can I fit in and what can I be okay with? So there is an acceptance piece. I think that is helpful when we look at the different things that we can do. Again, we're looking at, like nutrition goals or physical activity goals or stress management goals. Would I love to meditate for 45 minutes a day? I don't know, I wouldn't, maybe you do, but how does that fit in with my life?
Speaker 1Tweak and try again also is a great place to say this isn't working for my life and I was a single parent for 13 years, so I didn't have a lot of that. I didn't have the daily battles of division, responsibility and things like that. But this is a place where, with a lot of clients, we work on boundaries and we work on someone being able to say this is really important to me, this is really what I want to do, and navigating that in a relationship, because I think it is extremely important to advocate for what is important to you and to have a partner who is willing to be flexible. And these are issues. If that's not happening, but it's all again, information to tweak and try again. So that is the four step process when I'm working with someone, and so hopefully you can take that with yourself and say, oh man, man, I really kind of have done a little bit of this.
Speaker 1Maybe I need to revisit this, maybe going back and spending more time, you know, trying to look at oh my gosh, diet culture, like maybe I'm wrapped up in it more than I thought I was, or maybe focus on my vision and what I really want to do. So I think that it's just important to be realistic and be honest and be self compassionate. Anytime you're trying to make a change, you're never going to hate yourself healthier and being the friend that you wish you had and support is very beneficial to yourself. And also, when I work with people and my clients, like this is the framework that we go through Because, again, like this is what I have seen in my 30 plus years in health and wellness to be the most beneficial to get people on track to make sustainable changes. Not that they won't vacillate and tweak and you're trying again in the seasons of our life, but to start doing something that you can do in the long term, which is the whole point.
Speaker 1I really never want someone starting something that they're like oh yeah, I'm only going to do this for two months and then my goal is to have people doing things that they can keep doing Because, again, like there's no quick fixes, there's no short and sweet solutions, it's really finding a lifestyle that works for you in this current moment and changing it as things kind of change for you as well. So again, it was releasing diet, culture, investigate traps, skill building and experiment and grow. And again, you can also get this off of the website heathersearslaymancom. Backslash rise if you want a visual to help you as you set things up and, as always, if you want help from me, you can reach out to me as well, because I really love walking people through this process and finding change that they find sustainable and meaningful for what they're trying to do. So that's all my content for today. Thanks for hanging out and learning a bit, a little bit more about how to change your behaviors, and I hope to see you in our next episode.