Toxic traits are found in the boardroom and the bedroom; understanding how to identify the behaviors that tied to underlying toxic traits enables you to avoid emotional vampires, constant complainers, and head off career-limiting and maddening people.
Join your hosts as one tests the other on an introspective, educational and empowering episode!
Toxic Traits- Better Help
Signs of a Toxic Person- WebMD
Traits of Toxic People- Purewow
Get toxic-free employees with a better recruiting partner! Use ToxicTearoom at checkout for 15% off!
Is your KPI making you ill? Unleash uncommon results with Escatena!
Feeling like you could use some good stuff to detoxify? We got you. 30% off your first order!
Send us your stories! We love to hear from you! theteabag@toxictearoom.com
Thanks for listening to Toxic Tearoom! Follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, X and Patreon. Are you in a toxic workplace? Tell us about it at TheTeabag@ToxicTearoom.com. We promise anonymity, empathy, and a healthy dose of humor.
Toxic traits are found in the boardroom and the bedroom; understanding how to identify the behaviors that tied to underlying toxic traits enables you to avoid emotional vampires, constant complainers, and head off career-limiting and maddening people.
Join your hosts as one tests the other on an introspective, educational and empowering episode!
Toxic Traits- Better Help
Signs of a Toxic Person- WebMD
Traits of Toxic People- Purewow
Get toxic-free employees with a better recruiting partner! Use ToxicTearoom at checkout for 15% off!
Is your KPI making you ill? Unleash uncommon results with Escatena!
Feeling like you could use some good stuff to detoxify? We got you. 30% off your first order!
Send us your stories! We love to hear from you! theteabag@toxictearoom.com
Thanks for listening to Toxic Tearoom! Follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, X and Patreon. Are you in a toxic workplace? Tell us about it at TheTeabag@ToxicTearoom.com. We promise anonymity, empathy, and a healthy dose of humor.
The Toxic Tearoom podcast is for entertainment purposes only. Neither the toxic tearoom nor its parent, that one, Booth Productions, LLC, is responsible for the statements or opinions of its guests, submissions, or content derived from publicly available sources or for tests, for that matter. Content should be. Should not be interpreted as targeting specific companies, organizations, or individuals, even though you may use it as a deflection sometimes. I don't know. The Toxic Tea Room podcast and that one, Booth Productions, LLC, are not responsible for any actions taken by individuals as a result of any content produced on this podcast. Listeners are encouraged to vet any recommendations with certified professional personnel. For more on our disclaimer and to read our blog, visit our website at www.toxictea.com. I'm Stella.
>> Speaker B:And I'm Roberta. Welcome to the Toxic Tea Room.
>> Speaker A:So we're going to start. Start off this episode with a test.
>> Speaker B:Did I study for it? I don't think I study for a test.
>> Speaker A:I don't know.
>> Speaker B:All right. I'll probably fail after all.
>> Speaker A:Test. Testing is in the title.
>> Speaker B:Testing t. Yes.
>> Speaker A:So if you need a moment to go grab a pen and paper or you can do this mentally. you can pause it or whatever works.
>> Speaker B:Okay. Use my remarkable. Okay.
>> Speaker A:Okay. Ready?
>> Speaker B:Yes.
>> Speaker A:Okay. That remarkable is great, isn't it? Because it's sustainable.
>> Speaker B:Yes. And again, remarkable does not sponsor this podcast. But I've used remarkable now for a couple of years. It's an incredible product. If you like taking notes, which I do. If you don't want to go through voluminous pads of paper, which I don't. it's. I don't want to talk about all the features because we'll be here for a minute. But remarkable.com, get yourself one. We don't get any money from it because, again, they don't sponsor. But you should. Remarkable. You should. You, should. Because I. Everyone that sees me with this thing is like, what is that? And I show them. And you have certainly made sales because of yours truly. You should sponsor this podcast. But regardless, we're not here for that today. But I will not be. I will not be killing a tree to do this testing your tea. I will be using my completely sustainable remarkable for this process.
>> Speaker A:Yes. Okay. So we're going to focus on specific toxic traits. And this test is more so meant to challenge your thinking about these topics. So we're going to dive right in. Okay. So your goal is to answer each question honestly, to reflect on your responses, to gain insight into your mindset and embrace the opportunity to challenge and overcome your own barriers. Because to some extent, you're just trying to measure your mindset and to what extent you exhibit these toxic behaviors. So, question one. Okay, ready?
>> Speaker B:Yeah.
>> Speaker A:You're at a store and see a flashy new gadget that you've been eyeing for a while but hadn't planned on buying. What is your initial reaction? A, buy it without hesitation, b, weigh the pros and cons. Sorry. Before making a decision. Or C, resist the urge and remind yourself of your budget. Now, I said a, b, and C as potential answers, but I want you to think of them as one, two, and three. So if you're going to buy the gadget without hesitation, that's a. Ah. One. And if you're going to weigh the pros and cons, that's two. And resisting the urge is three.
>> Speaker B:Okay? Okay. Got it.
>> Speaker A:All right. Question two. You receive feedback on a project you've been working on. It's mostly positive, but there are a few areas of improvement highlighted. How do you react? One, feel deflated and obsessed over the criticism. Two, appreciate the feedback and strive to improve in those areas. Or three, dismiss the feedback as irrelevant. Jane Doe just wants to pick on you.
>> Speaker B:Okay.
>> Speaker A:Okay. On, To the next question. You have a daily routine that you follow religiously. Unexpectedly. A friend invites you to a spontaneous gathering during your usual routine time. What's your response? One, decline the invitation because it disrupts your schedule.
>> Speaker B:Duh.
>> Speaker A:Two, go to the gathering but feel anxious about breaking your routine. Or three, embrace the opportunity for spontaneity and rearrange your schedule.
>> Speaker B:Can we pause here real quick? Because. Yeah, you know me very well. Yeah, I'm not. It's not that I'm not flexible. Yeah. Ah, but, you know, I'm quite structured in my day. Yes, I understand this is a test, but the toxic person is the one that just comes by and says, hey, we're getting together. Come on. Which, if you make the invitation and then you don't press it, I guess they're just making an invitation, but we all have that. Friendly. Oh, Come on. You'll have so much fun. Come on. And guilt trip you into going.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:So just. Just saying. I'm not. I'm not trying to give away my answer either. I'm just saying some of us have structured days. That's it. Cause we have a lot on our plate, and so we can't just disrupt everything just. Cause somebody wants to have a party. Like, we just can't. Okay. But I'm, not gonna give away anything. Let's just keep going, I'm learning so much.
>> Speaker A:Okay. Okay. All right, next question. A colleague approaches you with constructive criticism about your communication style. How do you react? One, become defensive and deny any fault. Two, reflect on the feedback and consider how you can improve. Or three, brush off the criticism, believing your communication style is fine.
>> Speaker B:Is there a, d. It depends on who's giving the feedback. There should be, because, like, if, you came to me and offered constructive feedback, my answer would be one thing. If somebody else came and offered that feedback when they themselves have a horrific communication style, my answer is far different. So I'm going to assume for taking this, that it's a colleague that you respect.
>> Speaker A:Or you can focus on the word constructive.
>> Speaker B:I still think it has to do with the person delivering the message. I mean, I get it. But, like, even if it's valid, constructive feedback, if a boss hole is giving you that, and, you know, it's like, it's like, do you take dietary advice from someone who's 400 pounds? The answer is no. Even if they were to tell you, looking at your plate, like, you could cut back on the carbs a bit and put some more protein. Yeah, that's sound advice. Heal yourself. Okay. Before I. You see what I'm saying? Like, I agree. We could focus on the constructive. For me, I'm going to. I'm going to answer with the assumption that this is a colleague I respect who is delivering constructive feedback. Okay, let's go. We'll go with that.
>> Speaker A:Okay.
>> Speaker B:Okay.
>> Speaker A:All right. Just two more questions.
>> Speaker B:Okie dokes.
>> Speaker A:You encounter a setback in your personal or professional life. What is your initial response? One, spiral into negative thoughts and self doubt because, after all, it was a setback. Two, acknowledge the setback, but focus on finding solutions. Or three, blame external factors and feel resigned to the situation. Okay, got it. Last question. You receive an email offering a limited time discount on a vacation package to a destination you've always dreamed of visiting. What's your immediate reaction? Book the vacation without considering your schedule or finances. It's probably not gonna happen for a lot of it. I mean, maybe, two, research the offer further before making a decision. Or three, delete the email to avoid temptation.
>> Speaker B:Okay, I know what I want. Okay. Is it this? What if the email came from the same person who just wanted you to throw everything aside with your schedule for the day and have a little impromptu gathering, and they send you this email like, yo, let's go to Fiji. We've always talked about it because, I mean, that could impact your answer, too. Too. Far. Okay. Yeah, I got my answer. I'm good.
>> Speaker A:Okay, so, this didn't work out completely perfect. But in general, the lower score you have, the more discerning you are or less toxic you are. but it didn't work on. Wait. I'm sorry. I said that backwards. The lowest score is more toxicity towards that behavior or more of that behavior. You're exhibiting more of that behavior, and the higher the number, the less you exhibit the negative behavior. So we're going to quickly walk through each question of what the behavior is. So, one, where you're at the store and you see a flashy new gadget that you've been eyeing for a while but hadn't planned on buying, that's dealing with impulsiveness. The second question, you, receive feedback on a project you've been working on. It's mostly positive, but there's a few areas of improvement. That is perfectionism. third question.
>> Speaker B:Right now, for forgiveness, you have a.
>> Speaker A:Daily routine that you follow religiously and unexpectedly. A friend asks you to do something in that routine. Time that is dealing with rigidity.
>> Speaker B:I hate you.
>> Speaker A:A colleague approaches you with a constructive criticism about your communication style. That is dealing with a lack of self awareness. And, when you encounter a setback in your personal, professional life and your reaction to that, that is dealing with your level of negativity. And lastly, the last question about that vacation was also impulsiveness, like the first question. So, this was more of a personal assessment. And, Roberta, I don't know if you took notes, but I took notes or want to share.
>> Speaker B:I took notes.
>> Speaker A:Some of your findings?
>> Speaker B:yeah. So, as you probably could get from some of my reactions, my, lowest answers were on perfectionism and rigidity, where I scored myself a one in each of those areas. and you're laughing because I know you. as you know, because I do want the work. Right. I do. I'm a perfectionist. And ironically, not in all areas. Like, I'm cool letting some stuff go, but if it's something I really care about, like, no, I got to get this right, or it drives me nuts if it isn't. and on that first answer, that was question two. Yeah, it doesn't matter if I was like, this is great, but this one piece, I'm like, damn it, and I will focus on that. I will focus on it. My performance appraisals are a great reason. kind of. It resonates with me on this answer, because even if I scored really highly in all areas that one area that was like, let's say I score fours and fives on a five point scale, but there was one area was a three. I would hyper focus on that three. Hyper focus on it. And, even in a casual piece where it's, you know, okay, you look great. Are those shoes chosen for comfort? Is that why you picked those? And you're like, what's wrong with them? Oh, no, they're fine. It's just, you know, little. They look comfortable, so they should have been dressier. Like, I don't understand. Like, I will hide my feet under a table for the rest of the night. Like, I will obsess about it, because that's just. I'm unique in that I crave negative feedback more than positive feedback, because I always am, focused on improving, which is no way to live. Friends, please don't allow that for yourself. Stella knows. She'll tell me. She's called me up before. It's like, it's a problem that you don't like to talk about your accomplishments, because I don't. I just don't.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:And, yes, I'd like to think that I'm humble, but I know deep down inside it has less to do with humility and more to do with, okay, I won those awards, for example, but could I have done even more? Like, I'm just. It's no way to live, children. The rigidity. The rigidity. One. Look.
>> Speaker A:Look.
>> Speaker B:Yeah, I would decline in a heartbeat. No, I got. I have a plan for this season. Every time, I would decline every damn time. Do you understand? I would decline every time. And that's me. Because, again, me, I have plans. Like, I do stuff. I get up at the same time every day. I have a routine that I go through every day. Now, it's not at a level of rain, man. Okay, calm down. But I have things that I do every single day, and I have plans most evenings. And, yeah, here's the thing. That plan could be that I'm going to binge watch something. I've been looking to binge watch. I'm not shifting that plan because it's my plan. I've been looking forward to it. Now, again, with all of these questions, I will say. And those were the two that I scored a one in those two areas were perfectionism and rigidity. which, again, for you, you know that you're not surprised by either of that when it comes to me. Did you know me fairly well? But I will tell you that there's still a lot of shades of gray here. Right. So, like, if the get together was a bunch of friends from high school that I haven't seen in a very long time, I would likely shift my plans.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:You know, but just, hey, we're having a spontaneous get together. Hey, good for you. No, I'm not going. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. You know, so, I mean, it depends. The same thing on the perfectionism, though, typically, yeah. Do I feel deflated and obsessed over the criticisms? That's, 100% me. I would. Even if it's great work, that one piece of criticism, I don't feel good about the work the way that I did before. It's horrible. It's no way to live. I'm working on it, but I don't know. I can't help it. I'm answering honestly. yeah, and plus, it said few areas for improvement, so that, to me, is the equivalent of getting 80% on a quiz. Like, you did a good job, but you, there's these areas that could really have done better. My personality is. I don't know if it's something deep seated in my upbringing. I don't know if it's some, genetic fluke in the back of my brain that I inherited from some neurologically divergent, obsessive compulsive ancestor. I don't know what it is. But, for me, if there's criticism to the work, the work wasn't good enough. Yeah, that's a problem. It is such a problem, because you've seen me do it. You've seen me, like, obsess over the smallest thing in a presentation. Like, wait, no, hang on.
>> Speaker A:And I will do.
>> Speaker B:And when it's done, you're like, wow, that's amazing. I'm like, yeah, it only took me 14 hours. but had to be right. Or it's, like, getting, like, in our business, we have a very unique color for our business that we fell in love with when we saw it, and we had to have it, but it's a unique color, and to get that shade exactly right, if you want to replicate it in fonts and everything, is no easy task, and your girl will sit there for hours going, no, too dark. No, m too light. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay. I think that's it. I think that's it. No, it's wrong. It's wrong. And I will scrap things and start over. Like, it's ridiculous. And that's not productive either. So you do have to give yourself some grace and allow yourself to. I can't even say the words. You have to take this one. Because I'd, like, allow yourself to make mistakes. And I'm like, wait, what? What? Allow. You're supposed to prevent. You're supposed to listen like this poor woman. But it's just who I am. I view every opportunity, especially if you're creating something. Like, if it's a project. A project is a creation of sorts.
>> Speaker A:It's a.
>> Speaker B:It's, it's your work product, right? So it's part of what you've put out there. And if it's not the best, while I'll take the feedback, I don't get angry at the person giving me the feedback. In fact, thank you so much. You've highlighted how effed up I did on, this project is how I take it. So I'm not offended by it. I take it really well. But then inside, I'm like, damn it, I do. I feel defeated and deflated. I'll be butt hurt about it for, like, days. Like, I just know me. I'm just being honest. It will. It impacts me to a degree that it's not healthy. I understand that, but that's why my work product tends to be really good. I get ahead of that nonsense.
>> Speaker A:Yes. Yeah.
>> Speaker B:But, like, even when I'm. You know what it's like to edit my book. Do you understand why I go through my book? Like, I'm. It's taken me a while to put my book out, which, by the way, the book is called emerge. It is a, playbook for surviving toxic work environments and emerging triumphant on the other side. Coming to Amazon very. With audible very soon thereafter. thank you for the plug. But writing my book is a real time example of this nonsense. Do you understand? Because I have to edit it and edit it and edit it, and I self edit so much that when I turn it over to an editor, the slightest change, I mean, I will be crushed because I'm putting so much of my. I'm putting so much of my personal self into it. Like, I'm not talking about a punctuation or something, but if, like, they were to say, yeah, get rid of this whole paragraph, I'll be like, why do you not feel that belongs? Oh, maybe, you know what? Maybe I just. I went too far on that one. Maybe I should have scaled it back. Maybe the analogy is just too overreaching. Like, I will beat myself up psychologically for days. I'll be on the treadmill talking to myself. I'll just be like, you could have done better. I'm just hard on myself, I guess. Oh, I hate you for this. I love you so much. But, yeah, this is. It's really interesting that it is a toxic behavior, because it doesn't allow you to feel safe about getting that feedback. I get it.
>> Speaker A:Yes.
>> Speaker B:Psychologically, I get it. Intellectually, I understand it. The rigidity. Yes. Being too tied to a routine is a toxic behavior. I understand. But since you asked the question, those are the two areas where clearly I can improve. Clearly, I have issues. Okay.
>> Speaker A:I could mostly relate to the perfectionism also, and the negativity, although I think it's. I'll just go into this quickly, but, Before. Before our mid roll.
>> Speaker B:Okay.
>> Speaker A:But, But I think that, when you're a perfectionist, there's a few ways it manifests. One is that you may shut down because, you know, it isn't perfect. And another one could be like, what you're saying, that it's obsessive until you get it perfect. And I'm sure another way is that you reject anything that isn't perfect. You know, like, there's a scale, as it were. But I'm sure we'll get into that much later. But, with the negativity, like, that used to be my reality, that I'm prone to pessimism or prone to think that things are negative. but I've done a lot of work in that area, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. For those of you that struggle with.
>> Speaker B:It, I starts with. Totally agree.
>> Speaker A:Internal voice.
>> Speaker B:I totally agree. The one that I scored a, three on, by the way, before we get into the mid roll, was impulsive.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:And just like you worked through your negativity.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:If there was a time in my life where if I saw something and I had the means to buy it, I was gonna buy it. I didn't have to justify it to myself or anybody else. I want, I buy. And it's not like I did that on everything, but if I. I didn't feel badly about getting something just because I liked it, I wanted it, I bought it.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:and I am far different now. Now I'll just look at and go, I don't need it. I'm at a different place in my life where I have a new routine where I. And, some of. Some of our listeners know this about me because they know me personally. But I have a routine where every fourth quarter I purge. I'm going through my files, I'm going through contacts. I go through whatever has not served me or I don't need it anymore in my life. Physical belongings, digital things, and I simply delete them. I remove them. And it's not as if I'm deleting people or forgetting relationships, but it's just there are some relationships that no longer serve you or are negative. So why stay connected to them? I purge it. So I'm different in my life in that I'm far less impulsive about things and far more intentional about them. It has done my pocketbook well. Yes, it certainly has. but, yeah, it is a choice to want to change those aspects and recreate your habits to support your desired state of mind in these traits, too.
>> Speaker A:Yeah, absolutely.
>> Speaker B:I don't know how I'm going to fix that perfectionism m habit. Because in order to fix it, I'd have to intentionally allow mistakes to occur. Okay. you know what is not testable or impulsive? Getting uncommon results. They're perfect. Uncommon results. By the way, eschatan has a proven record of fast tracking results to the bottom line in sustainability, supply chain business management, fractional services. Like, I don't need a full time chief supply chain officer. Cool. Cause they got fractional. Supply chain officers, fractional marketing officer, fractional, all sorts of high end talent and much more. Don't lack self awareness. It's okay. You can even be a perfectionist or as rigid as your girl. And visit esca tena.net, escat e n a.net. Today. Today? Yeah, I know I might be disrupting your schedule, but do it today because it'll be beneficial for you. And frugality, it's free consultation. Get it done. Esca tenna.net dot.
>> Speaker A:So, Roberto, which trait do you think is the worst in general? Like, not for you, but just in general. out of impulsiveness, perfectionism, rigidity, lack of self awareness or negativity?
>> Speaker B:That is a really good question. I think some of these are also related. Like, yeah, you could be impulsive because you also have a lack of self awareness. Like, did you ever have that friend that just felt it was totally okay, regardless of the venue, to, like, moon somebody?
>> Speaker A:Yes.
>> Speaker B:Nobody sits down and makes a plan. What are you doing at
02:00? I'm busy. At two. I'm going to moon the school, like, at lunch. Nobody does that. It's an impulsive act. And completely. I mean, they know why they're doing it, but do they really have the self awareness to understand? Nobody wants to look at your ass today? some of these could be combined. If I had to pick, though, I would say negativity is the worst, because if you find yourself in a spiral of negative thoughts, you're essentially digging your own grave in many ways, because you intentionally and subconsciously block off where light can shine through. Right? So if I feel that this person is a negative person, even if they do something nice for me, I suspect motives. If I don't think that I'm good enough for something and I allow myself to have these negative thoughts and beating myself up to that degree, not talking about perfectionism, but talking about just. I'm not good enough for this. There's self defeatist, you know, imposter syndrome. Those are all negative thoughts. You're going to block off your own access to opportunities, not only for employment or advancement in a career, but also to participate in activities and events and social groups that could be very good for you, that you could actually really enjoy. And unfortunately, negativity is contagious, and you'll find that negative people, truly negative people. And I don't. I know you got out of your negativity phase, but, like, people that, you know, are stuck in negativity. Like, they look like they've been weaned on a pickle. if it's sunny, oh, great. Today I'm gonna have to put on more sunblock or risk skin cancer. If it's raining, great. So today it's raining and I won't be able to get out in the garden. Like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's always. It's always the dark side of the moon. Like, it's never those people. I feel really bad for those people because they. They look for other people that are just as negative as they are, and they start to congregate because that mentality allows them to validate why they feel the way they do versus associating themselves with different people that can help them out of their funk. Right. Help them see that there are positive things in life. to me, negativity is the worst because it would drive a lot of these behaviors.
>> Speaker A:I think so. I absolutely agree. I think that was what I picked also. because it is insidious and misery loves company.
>> Speaker B:Yes, it does.
>> Speaker A:And even when someone's being positive, the negative person will try to make them look like crap or like they're not being realistic. As if reality is a negative thing. so I do think that it permeates a lot more. It's also, negativity is a very interactive thing. not to say, impulsiveness and perfectionism and lack of self awareness is not interactive. But your lack of self awareness means you're not aware of the, you know, how you're conducting yourself. It doesn't mean you're actively trying to make someone negative. The lack of the impulsivity. You might buy something or do something on impulse, but that doesn't necessarily mean someone else is affected by it. Your rigidity. Yeah, that kind of does affect other people because it means you're going to say no to things, that someone else might want you to go with them or do something. But again, it doesn't make the other person negative. It doesn't like that other person might internalize and think that you just don't like them.
>> Speaker B:Maybe I don't, but that isn't, I mean, if we're gonna be fair about.
>> Speaker A:It, I mean, but, and, but it's not saying it's not making you a bad person. It's not making you.
>> Speaker B:Yeah, agreed.
>> Speaker A:So, yeah, I definitely thought negativity was, if we're gonna call one worse than the other, obviously, there's degrees of each one of these things. but I did want to kind of talk through, between you and I. some of the ways that these manifest themselves. So I'll start with rigidity.
>> Speaker B:Okay.
>> Speaker A:rigid behavior in childhood is the tendency to be inflexible, stubborn, and reluctant to adapt to the thoughts and ideas of others. Rigidity is often called cognitive inflexibility or rigid thinking patterns. Rigid children may frustrate an adult easily because they do not readily compromise. And did you know that excessive worry and rumination are examples of rigidity in action?
>> Speaker B:So that's really interesting to listen to that explanation, because I gave an honest response to a specific situation with the spontaneous screw your plans, let's get together. To which. No. Every time. No, absolutely not.
>> Speaker A:No.
>> Speaker B:but I'm not rigid in my thoughts at all. In fact, I'm the direct opposite of that. I welcome additional viewpoints. I challenge my own. I research things just for shits and giggles because I want to learn more. I'm a lifetime learner, and I can definitely, I would never get to a place where I'm like, I'm so set in my ways and my thoughts that I'd exclude others. Like, I'm not like that at all. But, but I do. I do appreciate structure. I do appreciate structure because, for me, structure is organization. And if you aren't organized, you can't accomplish things. And I am a type a. I like to accomplish things, whatever I like, and it's never good enough anyway, whatever I accomplish. So, you know, that's the problem I have to live with. But I don't know that I would have changed my answer based on this feedback. I do think that I would still refuse an impromptu invitation 9.9 times out of ten. Now, again, if my high school friends were in town, I'd figure out a way to make it work because I'd want to see them. If, you know, a celebrity was going to be at the table that I'm dying to meet, I'm going to figure it out. I can be flexible for the right reasons. but I totally understand this level of rigidity because I've seen it. I've seen where people are just so inflexible in their thought process that you can't break through. And that's just right. I'm not that. I'm not that, but, that is fascinating.
>> Speaker A:Yeah, I thought it was fascinating because when you said you're rigid, I don't think of you. It's rich.
>> Speaker B:Just my schedule.
>> Speaker A:Well, because I have seen you be flexible when the situation calls for it. So to me, that is not rigid rigidity. And it is very interesting to me, when I saw that excessive worry and rumination are rigidity and action, I understood that. Like, someone who's excessively worrying that, oh, I'm not gonna make, I'm not gonna make rent. I'm not gonna make rent. I'm not gonna do anything. I can't do anything until I make rent. Like, no. Even though I'm going out to eat and the whole team is flitting the bill, I can't afford it. So I'm not going to give any, you know, like, it comes across as this, like, very anxiety driven worry and this obsessive cycle of thinking the way that you want to think about a.
>> Speaker B:Situation, you're in your own prison, in a sense.
>> Speaker A:Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
>> Speaker B:Like, just open the door, bitch. You can get out. Yeah, I get it.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:I just. I guess for me, it's more because I'm so, I have a set schedule that I typically keep because it keeps me, again, organized and productive. And those two things are important to me because I believe if you wake up every day, you have an obligation to make the most out of your day. That's just my personal belief. So I don't know, maybe the question maybe if, you know, upon thinking about it, I would probably, with this definition, make myself more of a two. Like, I'm not gonna be so, like, carefree. I'm like, sure, let's go. I can scrap everything. Cause I'm not that person. but, yeah, I would see myself maybe then as more of a two in that area with this explanation. I just don't come at me, folks, and ask me to drop everything and join some stuff.
>> Speaker A:Cause. Because there's a difference between discipline.
>> Speaker B:Yeah.
>> Speaker A:Boundaries.
>> Speaker B:Yes. That's.
>> Speaker A:Then there is a rigidity. I think you're very.
>> Speaker B:Discipline. Yes, that's. That's correct. That is more correct.
>> Speaker A:Is a great thing that you gotta.
>> Speaker B:Have an awesome in your life.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:Can't just be a big rigidity.
>> Speaker A:Is like the. When you swing it too much, like, because discipline is one thing. When you swing it to.
>> Speaker B:Which you see in some, you know, behavioral, issues with, say, some autistic, you know, on the spectrum, where it has to be this. It has to be that, you know, my brother is autistic. And one day he, you know, I asked him how his day was, and he said it was a horrible day at work. And I said, what happened? Because my brother is a high functioning, high functioning, autistic, patient, and he does work. And. And he said he got a call a, half hour before he was supposed to work. And they asked him if he could come in ASAP because somebody else was going to be late. So he had to hurry up and eat his breakfast super fast. He worked five minutes away from work, right where he lived, and he had to hurry up and eat his breakfast super fast, and he had to rush to work so that he could get there early. And that ruined his entire day. Yeah, that ruined his entire. His day was horrible because of that. Where most of us would be like, yeah, no problem. I'll just grab a bagel and eat it in the car.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:So from that, I totally understand this. Like that, I totally understand that definition. Then I'm. I'm in line. I'm a two on this one. Now. I'm not a one, I'm a two. Like, if you're. If I say no, assume it's my discipline. If I say yes, you must be outstanding that I'm willing to ditch my schedule to come out with you. Or you could think I don't like you. Either way, on the. No, I'm okay. Okay. It's still gonna be a no. Either I can't go, or you're not important enough for me to drop stuff. Sorry. Okay. Okay. I can get past it. We're good. We're good.
>> Speaker A:Okay. So we'll talk really quick about impulsivity, because it can manifest in so many ways, and maybe you didn't think through what impulsivity can manifest itself with. Aggressive behavior. Interrupting people, blurting out thoughts, restlessness, destroying things, hard time saving money or managing finances. Inappropriate remarks, breaking the law, or being easily distracted.
>> Speaker B:So. You really shouldn't have said that, Tom. I'm gonna rob a bank now. Escalate it so fast. Like, inappropriate remarks or breaking the law. Oh, that's just Tom being Tom. Just. He'll carjack you next. Just wave something shiny at him to distract him. He won't carjack you next. Yes. I think we all know these people. Yeah. and obviously, there's shades in here. Of course, not everybody that's impulsive is gonna be like, you know, screw it. Let's just go. Let's go do a stick up at a gas station. Like, that's not what we're talking about.
>> Speaker A:Yeah. Yeah. And, I would say robbery probably isn't that impulsive. Unless, for example, you're at an, you know, the Kentucky Derby, and somebody, like, dropped$1,000, and you just impulsively.
>> Speaker B:That's my thousand now.
>> Speaker A:Run.
>> Speaker B:Yeah, that is my thousand now. I am the one.
>> Speaker A:Or the lady walks away from her purse, and you're just like, hey, it's payday, you know?
>> Speaker B:Or the opportunistic people. You see those traps where people set up, and they'll, like, leave a bike and. Or, a backpack and just leave it, and it's all booby trapped, and so when someone tries to take it and run, they get yanked back hard. I love those videos. They're funny. That, I think, is impulsive, where it's. I'm committing a crime of opportunity, and I don't have discipline enough to say, that's not my bike. That's not my backpack. Why would I do that? You're just impulsive. So, yeah, I mean, prior to that, they might have been destroying something. I don't know. Maybe they threw their bike in the street out of being mad and, oh, now I need a new bike. Oh, look, there's a bike. So I'm going to break the law. See how that all ties in, right? Love it.
>> Speaker A:Yeah, I thought I was. I was pretty, surprised, even though it makes complete sense that the first, manifestation, at least in this list I read, was aggressive behavior. But if you think about it, some people snap. Like, you don't even know what happens, and then all of a sudden, there they snap. And that is impulsive to just take it from zero to 100 over one little comment.
>> Speaker B:It's lack of self control. It's lack of self control. And we've seen people manifest impulsivity in relationships. Like, yeah, I like this person. They make me feel wonderful. We're getting married tomorrow. What?
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:What's their middle name? I'll allow it if you can give me their middle name and their zodiac sign, because at least then you've had that deep of a conversation, you're not sure you're not getting married tomorrow. You don't even know the person. Totally get it, right?
>> Speaker A:Yeah. Yep. So those are big, big, warning flags for impulsivity. Okay. moving on to lack of self awareness. This is a struggle to focus on others or allow them to take center stage. So that this, these examples were extremely fascinating.
>> Speaker B:I'm loving this one.
>> Speaker A:they might feel as though they are worthless if all eyes aren't constantly on them. This also manifests as attention seeking, frequently speaking and rarely listening. They cannot read the room, and they don't want to accept critical feedback.
>> Speaker B:Everyone listening right now works with this person. Either works for them, with them. recognizes this behavior in an organization. This definition, certainly it's not the only toxic trait, but I think this one in particular we can all relate to. We can all relate to this type of person, particularly the comment of a struggle to focus on others. Like, you can't look past, can't see that human for who they are, what they're bringing to the table more. So I don't feel comfortable letting them take center stage, because that's where I'm supposed to be. Yeah.
>> Speaker A:M m so I was so fascinated because when I thought of a lack of self awareness, this is what I thought. If I go in a room and let's say I'm having a bad day, and I just go to my desk and I'm like, oh,
>> Speaker B:Oh, my gosh.
>> Speaker A:Okay, so I guess I'm gonna freaking work now. Okay. Like, if you. So, to me, if. If you came in a room and you were acting this way and you didn't realize how that might affect the room, like, to me, the lack of self awareness is focused on, you don't know how what you're doing impacts other people. That's how I always looked at lack of self awareness. But in this same case, this definition is saying you don't regard other people.
>> Speaker B:Yeah. Ah.
>> Speaker A:Which is so you can. You can look at it and say how it is that you're not looking at yourself but it's also a disregard for the other people. Because you're not thinking about how it might affect other people. Which is what you were just alluding to, Roberta, is that these people are so obsessed with wanting to be the center of attention. or they want the focus to be on them. But in their mind, they're just not focused on how they're coming across to other people.
>> Speaker B:Do you think, those individuals that like to perhaps create their own little fiefdom. Right. Where they want to control who has the focus. Where the focus is everything that happens has to really either be generated by them, endorsed by them or supported by them. Or they'll block it. You know? Or they this could certainly, in a workplace, we've seen this behavior. But this is true even in some familial relationships. Where if somebody is the literal head of the family. Meaning, if, you know, if dad or if mom. If they don't like it, it's not happy. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you need it. Doesn't matter if you want it. Doesn't matter if it's important to you. If it's not important to them. If they don't see value in it, it's simply not going to happen. I think that exists. And I would have never categorized that as lack of self awareness. So it's really interesting to see this way. This is really interesting.
>> Speaker A:Yeah. Because here's the other thing for the asshole.
>> Speaker B:We're not even editing anymore. Wait. To say this.
>> Speaker A:Like, frankly, I guess I'm reading Frank. Okay. I always thought that the person that's coming in and making a, to do m like, oh, my gosh. This is the end of the world. And it's just one little problem. Okay. I always thought that they did know that they're making a scene. Right. I didn't think it was a lack of self.
>> Speaker B:That's a really interesting point.
>> Speaker A:They did. They just want to make a scene. Because they want everyone to flock to them. So I'm I'm still a, quasi struggling with some people do this, and they don't know they do this.
>> Speaker B:I mean, it's really like they do this. And they don't realize that they're doing that. That's incredible to think about now.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:That means that your boss hole, while still a boss hole, ladies and gentlemen. May not be aware that he's that level of boss hole.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:The thing is, if you let them know, then it's gonna get worse for you. So, I mean, just handle with care is what I'm saying.
>> Speaker A:Exactly. Okay, so just two more. Perfection.
>> Speaker B:There's nothing wrong with this trait. M. I'm not gonna hear it. There is nothing wrong with doing your absolute best every frickin time. There's nothing wrong with it. But go ahead and try to attempt to tell me this is bad.
>> Speaker A:So, I like this first part of the definition. This looks like unrealistic expectations that one hit home. okay, so, fear of disapproval or failure, procrastination, excessive organizing, being highly critical, and and avoidance coping. Like, I'm not going to do it unless it's perfect or I'm perfect. So, I think I we alluded to this earlier, that some people just avoid it because, like. And, you and I had this conversation, Rupert, that I hesitate to, like, post something because I want it to be perfect. So I'm doing the avoidance coping because that's how my perfectionism, manifests itself.
>> Speaker B:Mine is in the fear of disapproval or failure. And excessive of myself, of course. Yeah. And excessive organizing. Okay, someone explain to me what that means. Someone explain to me what that is. I don't understand. Look, look, do I sit down sometimes over a cup of coffee on a weekend and watch YouTube videos of people organizing, and I will sit there, fixated on it for an hour or so? Yes. Yes.
>> Speaker A:Okay.
>> Speaker B:I like it.
>> Speaker A:I know. I know a guy who every other Friday, even though we did it last Friday, takes out all of his tupperware and disassembles it and reassembles, just for.
>> Speaker B:The sake of doing this back.
>> Speaker A:Yeah, that's me. excessive.
>> Speaker B:That's not even organizing. It was organized. He's just trying to make busy work for himself. I'm talking about, I will organize the death out of stuff. And then I. There's this collective sigh in my house when I go looking for something where it should have been, which is where I last put it, and then I'll open up, and it's not there, and I go, and then I find it, and there's this big. Here's the sound. We all know the sound. It's, And my husband will hear me. He'll say, what's wrong? Nothing is. Just. This is not where this goes. He's like, what? Like, to him, it doesn't even register. I'm like this.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:Oh, okay. Yeah, I just put it over there, wasn't there? Yeah, whatever. It's there. It's fine. Put it wherever you want. I want to put it where it belongs. It goes where it belongs. And look, again, I'm not anal retentive about it. it's not. In every aspect of my life, I do have some measure of control. But, like, my, my husband refuses to put away laundry, even if it's his turn to do the laundry. He won't hang up clothes in my closet because he doesn't understand my system. And my system's quite easy. It's organized, light to dark, dressed to casual. It's not hard. But he will. He will say, I don't know, this is a sweater. It looks like it could be worn casual or business. I don't know where to put this. I'm just gonna leave this for you, okay? I don't want to mess it up. So, I mean, I get it, but, for me, I, think if I'm gonna be honest with myself. Look, I don't know. I don't know.
>> Speaker A:I can just visualize this whole, like.
>> Speaker B:My closet is organized to a fault. Okay? And even then, the perfectionist part of me, I'm like, I still gotta tackle this one shelf where I don't even know what's in this box. I gotta go through it and figure it out. I organize things. Like, Stella, the first time you came to my house and I was baking bread, I was going to teach you how to make the easiest bread known to man, which now you make by heart, right?
>> Speaker A:Yes.
>> Speaker B:And I had to get my little measuring set, like the little teaspoon, tablespoon set. Right. That everyone has. Where's mine? You remember where it was?
>> Speaker A:I don't.
>> Speaker B:You open the right door to the spice cabinet.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:And there's a little hook that I put in there.
>> Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
>> Speaker B:And I hang them on the hook with that. yeah, I hang it on the hook because that's where it belongs. Because you tend to measure spices out. Not all. Not for all things. I'm italian. I cook with love, too. I'll just put the word. Some is a measurement, right? In my cooking. How much you need some? I don't know. I don't know what pinch is. If you're gonna bother, if you're gonna put something in, you gotta taste it. Put in some. But you do have to be exact in other things, and so you measure those things out. So where do you put measuring spoons? Next to the things you're going to measure out. And to me, that makes perfect and complete and total sense.
>> Speaker A:Yes.
>> Speaker B:If you want to see me exasperated, let me open the right door to the spice cabinet looking for my measuring set. And they're not there. And my husband may have inadvertently thrown it in a, the drawer with, like, our other kitchen utensils. And I get annoyed, even though it's 2ft away. It didn't ruin my day, but I had to go looking for them, and they weren't where they belonged. And I recognize that makes me sound really anal. I get it. I get it.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:But for me, organization is perfectly normal. Yes. I don't get out of control with it. Like, I see some of these videos where people take things out of perfectly capable containers. Like, they want to take their milk that comes in a cardboard container, and they pour it into a glass jug that they then label milk and put that in the refrigerator. That, to me, is a complete waste of time, energy, and labels.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:Aesthetically, how many people are looking in your refrigerator that this is necessary? Clearly, you do this just for content. 99.9% of the world puts damn milk. Whatever container it's in. It goes in the fridge and we leave it there. There's no sense in doing that. But do I organize things in the fridge to where they're visible, easy to find? Yes. Do I get annoyed when they don't stay their way that way? Yeah, I do.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:But perfectionism, for me, if I'm going to be honest, the big piece for me, I think, is that fear of disapproval or failure. it must be a childhood thing, because I still get that little, you know, when you were a kid, you'd get that little feeling of, I'm going to get in trouble. And you just feel it.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:And you know it's coming. You just. You know it is. I get that feeling in my stomach when something's not, like, from a work perspective, when it's not at that level, like when somebody criticizes it. That's the feeling I get that I'm in trouble, which is not normal. No, I'm not gonna see a therapist about it because I'm self aware and I recognize it. Okay, I'm self aware, but that's the, that's the feeling I get, which is likely why I drive so hard at certain things, because I don't want that feeling. But I recognize that that's where it's coming from. Is that fear of disapproval or failure? Again, it's likely a childhood remnant that stays back there in my head, but that's the feeling I get when my work is criticized. That's what I get. is that I didn't do it right. I'm going to get in trouble.
>> Speaker A:Well, you know, I'll do a quick, quick tangent that, you know, our society as a whole, just the way we structure education, teaches kids and people to value output. Because you go to school and there's a grading system. So if you're a C student, that's a label, that you're just a, c student, that you're just average. If you're an A student, that's the label that you're great. And people like, it's so systemic, it's so systemic in our society. Instead of just letting children explore what they're good at or not good at or at what level or no level, and just encouraging them to evolve. Right. But it is definitely. This isn't by coincidence that so many people struggle with perfectionism, because it's been ingrained in us that we have to look a certain way, we have to act a certain way, we have to for us to be good people. So, anyway, just had to do that little tangent. But, But our last,
>> Speaker B:Wait, before we leave that, I'm gonna. I'm gonna give one piece to that tangent real quick.
>> Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
>> Speaker B:So when we were growing up as our gen xers, right, because we had it so easy, we would have to practice handwriting in class in elementary school, and we'd have these, pieces of paper. I'm sure they're still used, where you've got the three lines and you have to. They want you to have the letters look like the examples. Your h's need to look a certain way. Your a's need to look a certain way. creativity was discouraged in that and the penmanship. And I remember doing this, and I think it must have been, like, second grade. Like, I remember this stuff, second or third grade at the most, when they start to teach cursive. Oh, I'm sorry. For those of you that are millennials and Gen Z, cursive is an alternate way of writing to where the curves of the letters connect all together. It's how you sign your name that is cursive. Okay, back to everybody else. So I remember trying really hard, and I don't know what letter it was. It could have been the s or something like that that I was just struggling with at that tender age. And the teacher came by, looked at it, and said, you really need to practice your penmanship. Your writing is horrible. And walked on. I was crushed. Like, I still remember that. And I went home and I kept practicing that s and that s and that s and that s over and over and over and over again. And the lesson I'll leave everybody. Is this. Yeah. My handwriting got far better. My penmanship was actually quite nice. To this day, you wouldn't know from my signature because I just don't pay any mind. I just go, bleh. but I could write very nicely. Nobody uses cursive anymore. So all of that to say, and I need to take my own advice. But don't be too hard on yourself for some of these things, because time goes by and they oftentimes don't even matter anymore.
>> Speaker A:Yeah.
>> Speaker B:but cursive is still our secret weapon because guess what? We can write to each other, and you guys won't even know what we're saying. We're just using the English language. If you ever want to really impress a millennial or a Gen Z, if you're a gen X or above, write something down in cursive really quick. They will sit there and all. Like, how can you do that? How can you do that? You ever watch them sign their own names? They struggle, okay? Whereas we're, like, we. Because it's called practice. It's our secret weapon. And we can read maps. We don't need Google. Don't need Google. Maps. Don't need waze. We can read maps. you guys better stick next to us in the apocalypse. We're the ones that are surviving gen Xers. Okay? You guys are screwed without us. You won't know where to go. We can write in code. Just stick with your favorite gen x, or you'll be all right anyway.
>> Speaker A:Yeah. Okay, so the last trait, and we talked about it as being probably the worst one, is negativity, because it is insidious, and misery loves company. we're dealing with thoughts of failure should haves. That's catastrophe. Catastrophizing.
>> Speaker B:That's catastrophizing. Is that it?
>> Speaker A:Catastrophizing? There you go. Okay. Blaming, blaming, cynicism, emotional reasoning, jumping to conclusions over generalization, pessimism not being good enough, and lastly, and most devastatingly, that nobody cares.
>> Speaker B:you just define somebody's uncle Charlie. Like, this is somebody's relative that you just find.
>> Speaker A:Yeah. And some of us might have a few of these or find themselves doing it because, hello, misery loves company. So you see somebody, if you can relate to somebody who's had a hard day, and you're. And you can say, oh, yeah, you know, that guy does always come in late and doesn't get reprimanded, but I always do. So this place is unfair, and life's unfair, and everything's unfair.
>> Speaker B:I can never get ahead. I'll never buy a house. Going back to our financial abuse episode, never buy a house. I'll never get anything done right.
>> Speaker A:So it is definitely something that is important to pay attention to. I like the call outs I like on this, definition or these manifestations is over generalization. because that one you may not readily recognize when you're like. But if you hear someone saying, yeah, that person always gets away with something, or this is how it always is here. That lunch breaks are cut short or, you know, whatever it is. Right. it's that, ah, generalization that.
>> Speaker B:Yeah, I think, I think that's very real. Like. And the one thing I'd say about negativity is if you don't recognize you're in it, you don't recognize how much further deep you go. I mean, it's. It's not. Only.
>> Speaker A:That's true.
>> Speaker B:It's not only contagious in the worst way, like, the way the flu is contagious, like, the way COVID was contagious. Like, don't go hang out with a bunch of people that have COVID if you don't want COVID. it's also. It spreads within you, and it starts to infiltrate everything. Even the things you enjoy. You end up not enjoying as much. Or you're cynical about those things, you. You get into a downward spiral where it becomes you against, literally, the world, the universe. Everybody is out to make things harder for you. I assure you, that's not the case. Like, here. I'm gonna. I'm gonna talk to negative people in their language. Okay? Real quick, stel.
>> Speaker A:Yeah. Yeah.
>> Speaker B:None of us care about you enough to do that to you. Let's just start there. None of us give a shit. None of us are sitting there and saying, how do we frick with this person? Let's just give him a name. Earl. Let's go with Earl. None of us are planning how to make Earl's life hard. None of us are saying, look, tomorrow, let's all be late. But none of us get reprimanded. Let Earl get reprimanded. None of us are saying, oh, you know what? Earl's trying to. Earl's trying to get with Ellen. Let's have Ellen get engaged to someone else right before he has the nerve to ask her out. Like, none of us are doing that to you, Earl. None of us give a shit. The truth is, nobody is spending their lives plotting against making yours harder. Except you. You are self sabotaging the should haves this is class that people are. I should have done this, or I should have done this. Okay, again, hard talk. You should. Maybe you should have. You didn't. So now what? Cause you can't go back in time.
>> Speaker A:Exactly.
>> Speaker B:So. Cause your name is not Doc Brown. Okay. You're not traveling back. You can't fix it. So where do you go from here? Is what you should be focused upon. Don't get. Don't drown yourself into the misses. And then you're ignoring all the hits you have yet to make. Don't allow yourself to look at everything with such a degree of pessimism that you can't see anything good. Like I. One of the jokes I have, and Stella knows this, I'll say I hate people. And the truth is, I don't hate people. I hate what some people do. I hate that some people have these behaviors and they can't control themselves. I hate that some people do hurt other people with impunity. I hate that some people, you know, profit and enrich themselves at the expense of other people. I hate that. But if I was truly felt that all people were hateful creatures, then I'd have. What would I say about my grandchildren, which are the lights of my life? What would I say about my friends? What would I say about the people I love, because they're also people. And so, you know, if you truly want to live a life where everything sucks, then you have to remember that you're the reason it does. You can never control your environment, and you can't control what people do to you, but you can control how you react and how you thrive in any environment. And if you don't see where you can thrive where you are, get out of where you are. Go literally change. Make a geographic change. Go move to another part of the world. Go move to another state, move to another place. Move to another job. Leave a toxic relationship. If that's dragging you down, whether that's with work or your personal life, edit your life to what no longer serves you, let alone what hurts you. And get out of that funk, because you can get out of a negative viewpoint, you can. But you. No one's going to do it for you. It's you. But trust me, nobody gives a shit enough to screw up your life for you when you are doing such a wonderful job of it all by yourself. None of us are plotting against you. Stop it. Stop it. Live your damn life and go do it. And take credit for what is yours to take credit for. And yeah, you're going to run into obstacles. You're going to fall down. You're going to bang your head up against the wall. It happens. But you can't keep blaming everybody and not blame yourself. Things, people will do things to you, and that, some of them will not be your fault, but how you react to them is your fault. And if you're gonna let a bunch of people take up room in your head, there won't be any room for you. So flush them out, forgive, move on, and get your life on track. I just. This is my TED talk for today. Get out there and be positive.
>> Speaker A:Yeah, well, speaking of all these negative traits, like Roberta just said, why not change things up and do something extremely positive?
>> Speaker B:Do it. Hire.
>> Speaker A:My mom has been a matchmaker, matchmaker since the nineties, helping top tier candidates get great roles at vetted, non toxic, top tier companies employers. Did you notice? The latest job results should have looked good. Candidates are getting hired. If you want to add the right talent to your team, visit hiremymom.com. Use code toxictea room at, checkout for 15% off job listings.
>> Speaker B:And the negative nancy's out there will be like, why only 15%? Because it's 15%. Okay. Use code toxicteroom.com. Take action. Find those right people for your staff. Certainly hire someone positive to counteract you. If you're a negative nancy, you need to balance that. That is very positive. And speaking of positive, we brought up these toxic traits that we all can relate to, and that's low key. Some of us have them. Okay. Right. But it's important to know that people can change, and they do. It starts with yourself, though, and hopefully the butterfly effect, the pay it forward methodology, those types of things will come back to you. In the meantime, it's good to recognize these types of things and the people you spend a lot of time, time with. Not necessarily call them out, but you can. But you can. Like, I'm just. But to understand what you're dealing with and, yeah, if you have a close relationship with someone and you feel confident that they will hear you out, like, if Stella. Stella and I have a very close relationship, if that isn't clear. Like, we've. We've worked together where we are business partners, we do this podcast together. I, joke that she's my ride or die, but it's not even a joke. like, Stella and I are close, and we. We are very good friends on top of everything else. And she knows me fairly well at this point, but yet I can still surprise her, and vice versa. But if Stella said, hey, listen, I got to give you some feedback, I'll humble myself to hear it because I know it's coming from a good place. So. Yeah, and I know the reverse is true. So you. If you have a relationship and someone is exhibiting a toxic trait that you know will hurt them, them gently bring it to their attention and then ask them how you can help. Oftentimes, they'll be like, no, this is on me. There's nothing I need you to do but bring it up. Don't be afraid to call someone out on a behavior that could be hurting them and certainly impacting them and whoever is around them, call them out.
>> Speaker A:Yes, yes. Absolutely. You know, we would love to hear from you on, what your toxic traits, what you've had to deal with. Have you dealt with all of these? Do you think that negativity is the worst one of these? Let us know. Write us at the teabagoxictebroom.com or hit, us up on LinkedIn, Twitter, any of the socials. We'd love to hear from you, as always.
>> Speaker B:And, ah, we'll share this episode and resources in the show. Notes and some great affiliate links. By the way, guys, the affiliate links, we pick those especially for our audience. There's a wide variety. There's no obligation to buy, but if you do, we do get a little percentage of that. It helps the show, and they're really cool products and services. Check them out. But look at our blog for everything else that we will have and in addition, as resources here for you at talks.
>> Speaker A:remember, these toxic treats aren't healthy. Some are, but we. But we got it and we will get it. And we will keep striving and loving regardless of what comes our way.
>> Speaker B:It's okay to not be perfect. I can't believe that came out of my mouth. Bye bye, guys.