The Value of Our Experience

In this episode, I explore the idea of ‘experience’ and how our society has turned experience into a currency that we compare between ourselves… I personally think it’s BULLSHIT and so I share my thoughts on this :)

Enjoy!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome back to my podcast. Okay, I am gonna get straight into today's episode because I really want to talk about this idea that's been wearing around in my mind, which is to do with how we as a society have turned this concept of experience into somewhat of a currency that we can compare and we can um leverage against each other. So of course, experience is something that we, you know, it is experience is living something, you know, having gone through something, um doing something and noticing what that brings up, noticing what you need in order to be able to carry on doing that thing, notice the types of skills that you need to develop as a result, noticing the type of person you need to become as a result, you know, being aware and experiencing is something that is living. Experiencing is living, I guess. And we all experience every single day, we are experiencing our days, we are experiencing the people around us, the seasons change, our bodies moving and growing, expanding, learning, challenging, getting more tired. Um it's living, and I speaking for myself, don't think that I have appreciated how valuable the experiences that I bring are, and how every single one of us has a unique experience, a unique perception, a unique story, background, journey that we have taken to be where we are today, and how that is value, that is a valuable thing in itself. The different skills we've had to develop at different ages and parts of our lives in order to get around the life that we were creating is so unique to each and every one of us, and is so valuable. That is gold dust. No one else in this world has the exact same formula as you, and that makes you worthy and unique. Um on positive intelligence, PQ, by um created by a guy who completely changed my life. And he speaks about how when we're younger, when we're children, in order for us to be able to survive in this world, we create saboteurs that protect us and protect um, you know, are able to keep us going when the big bad world is just so scary, like to a two-year-old. And how we have our essence that we're born with, mine being, I would say, sort of adventurous and curious and excitable and loving, but we then develop these saboteurs that we have to in order to just make sure that we can get through each day, even if we have a really healthy and you know, stable childhood, or of course, you know, a very traumatic and trouble-filled childhood. All of us create our own saboteurs because it's our way of protecting ourselves. Now, those saboteurs, um, you know, I can go into another episode about the saboteurs and what that experience was for me, but those saboteurs are a unique concoction that we created in order to get through each day. So, for example, the ones that I identified for myself were People Pleaser, Avoider, um, hyperachiever, and for those that kind of don't know, people pleaser is someone that will always try to please others in order for themselves to feel validated, so they will put the needs of others above their own needs because that way, if people like me, I am of value and therefore I will be safe. Um, a hyper-achiever is someone that is always striving for perfection and for the best, and that is impossible. So it's this constant, there is never enough, nothing is ever good enough. I'm always striving for the best. Um, an avoider is someone that avoids, avoids conflict. Um, I don't, I really struggle to communicate my own feelings sometimes, and um it's a it's a kind of that that side of me links into the my people pleasing of like if I express discomfort or a contrary view to the person in front of me, I'm scared that they will then not like me, therefore not value me, and therefore I'm kind of abandoned. However, those saboteurs and the skills that we grew as a result of those saboteurs, and then obviously as a result of living as well, of uh growing up in certain communities and cultures and experiencing different things, all of those things are experience, all of those things are our unique formula that have brought us to where we are today, and that is so important that we value that, that we actually are aware of what we are bringing to the table and how much value we can actually bring to those moments. And it's not to say that you have to that that you're therefore closed off to experiencing any more, actually, the opposite. You need to kind of take each day and it drink as much as you can in and learn as much as you can and experience as much as you can, um, and feel as much as you can, and kind of be aware in a in a judgment-free way of you know, when when I'm in this environment and these things are discussed, I feel this way because I know that I can bring X thing to the table, but I'm also lacking X thing, and therefore, who can I talk to to be able to understand that thing a little bit better? And what kind of experiences can I create for myself that would mean that that is strengthened? Where I guess have my bug bear is especially growing up with the educational system and then going straight into a working life, is you are thrust into an environment and a society, I guess, and a and a yeah, in an in a society where they economize experience. Experience is gold dust. Experience is not for everybody, not everybody can get experience, not everybody has enough experience, not everyone has sufficient experience to be able to therefore experience this thing. And this is where, like, if you speak to people that are coming out of school and applying for jobs, like coming out of a degree, you know, they have like a specific amount of years that they have worked tirelessly to get a degree and to, you know, really understand the topic that they have their degree in, and then they go and apply for jobs, but the jobs require work experience which they haven't been able to do and get because they have been studying, and it's as if these three or four or however many years of experience that they have had at the university is futile, it's not valuable, and that is fucking bullshit. How have we then created this mentality and a society where we think that someone who has moved away from home, who has, you know, been able to immerse themselves in a culture and in a community that is completely different to their own? They have created a new network of friends, they have created and cultivated relationships with their tutors and their teachers and their peers, you know, they have managed to dedicate so much time and effort with research, writing different essays, um, group work, working in different environments, you know, like how is all of that futile? And just because you haven't sent X amount of emails, just because you haven't spoken to X amount of people in a professional manner, you are not suitable for a role in a junior part of the company. Now I weirdly have a different experience. So I didn't go to university when I left school, I went straight into the working life, and I gained experience in so many different professional environments, but I didn't gain experience with the like with life experience of living with other people, with having to share a kitchen and a living room, um, only having my room as a place of privacy. You know, I too, in a professional manner, am much better equipped, but in life, probably not. Now, that's again not to say that my experience is better or worse than that of someone that has gone to university, not in the slightest. We both are coming to the table unique perspectives, unique ideas. Ideas that will have good parts and bad parts, ideas that will be able to work on the strengths and the weaknesses of other people, of each other. And why are we creating an environment where that is a competition? I understand that in business you have metrics and goals. In order to achieve those metrics and goals, you have to sell amount a certain amount, you have to keep your costs down in order to make sure that you have a turnover and a bit, you know, a profit. And therefore, in order to do that, you need people who know what they're doing to be able to sell, to be able to turn over. You know, I understand the businesses have this kind of mentality, and I guess that's kind of where it comes into like living in a capitalist society. Ultimately, money is what makes the world go round. Um, you know, I can go into that another time, but I do understand that money has doesn't make itself, like money has to be made. But from my perspective, I think that sadly this cultivates a place in a culture and a society that people young, old, experienced um in one thing and inexperienced in another thing. We we associate our personal value to that. We associate our personal value to experience the experiences that we have had. And I think that that therefore reduces people's self-esteem. I think that that therefore reduces people's curiosity and people's um open-mindedness to experiencing things and getting it wrong, you know. I feel as though, especially as a Gen Z, we have a real fear of failure. So then we don't even go for it at all. Me in this podcast, I mean, like I'm absolutely terrified of the fact that people aren't gonna like it or you know, people aren't gonna understand, people are gonna misunderstand me, and I'm gonna be under, you know, I'm gonna be really berated for the things that I say because people don't agree with my perspective, and I might offend people in the way that I say things, and I'm really scared of that, you know. I'm scared of failing, but I'm actually more afraid now of not trying and carrying on the way that I am and living a life that is full of what ifs rather than oh wells. I think that as a result of this comparison, we believe that it's just not worth it, it's too much work, it's not worth it. I'm just gonna give up now. And that is fucking bullshit, it's so ridiculous. No, life living is experiencing every single day. You will have your own unique experience that you can bring to the world in a certain way. Like, we have so much compassion within us, we have so much love, we have so much intelligence, we have so much talent, we have we're able to push boundaries and overcome really difficult things. I mean, this weekend was the London Marathon and the stories of certain people, like we are able to challenge and overcome so much, and that is just through experiencing it's through getting up and doing it time and time and time again and figuring it out and and failing and going again, and it is you're robbing the world if you think that your experience isn't enough, you know, you are robbing the world of you and what you can bring, and you need to be aware of that, you need to be aware of the value that you bring, you bring so much value. This isn't a free pass for people to just feel like they can, you know, kick their feet up, f everyone around them, and just like I know, like I know what I bring, like an arrogance. This isn't like a free pass to just be an arrogant person who isn't open to learning anymore. Like, no, and what I'm saying is that you know that you're worthy of something, and therefore stand your ground and know what you bring to this table, know what you bring to the environment that you're coming into. Be open-minded to learning more, to being proven wrong, like and going through that process as well. But you bring value, you bring value, we all bring value. I I I leave I recently left my career in insurance for once and for all to pursue becoming a psychotherapist, and I remember towards the end of my time in that career, I was sat with my therapist and I was expressing how I felt as though now that I had decided to pursue a completely different career in a completely different industry, I felt as though like I wasn't of any value to the people in my life through work. I felt as though even though I made like some really, really strong and meaningful connections with people, I wasn't really going to be of value of value or of worth to them anymore because I wasn't going to be able to bring them business. And he questioned me and was like, but where is your value now? Like, what what what would you say that you bring, you know? And it really stuck me when he said that because I initially was like, I don't have any. To which he kind of looked at me and was like, I'll give you another go. And um, and then I started realizing that you know I will eventually become a qualified therapist, I will understand people's behaviours and thought processes a lot more than the average lay person. Um I will be able to bring empathy, kindness, compassion, um a judgment-free zone to people, whether I'm like not that I would necessarily be their therapist, but you know, as someone that would understand it better, I probably will naturally turn into someone more like that. Um, I would say I'm already quite like that. Um, I will therefore have a huge network of therapists, which will never be um a bad thing because there is always, you know, people that are looking for someone and and need references and people to turn to and they don't know where to start. So if they know me, they know that they can get references from me. And this kind of this huge list of values just like came out, spewed out of me. And I just kind of was like astonished at how I just thought that my value only lied in my professional abilities, in you know, like how much business I could bring in, or how many people in my network could be a value to someone, you know, and that's not really you know that that is why I'm that's another reason as to why I decided to move away from that industry. Again, I'm not trying to speak badly on that industry. Um, you know, I I I cannot speak bad on that industry. It's brought me a lot of a lot of comfort, joy, and I've met some amazing people through it. However, um it's it definitely subscribes to this mentality of you're only as good as your experience, and you're only as good as the experience that fits in this particular category, and the closed-minded approach that people take when weighing up candidates and kind of the on paper uh requirements that people have of people, I just really, really disagree with it. I really disagree with it. I think that we just have so much to give. We have so much to give.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

We bring so much to each interaction, you know, and we we really need to realize that that is valid, that is valuable, we are valuable, every single one of us are and in order to experience something you have to live it, you have to experience it.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

So if you really want experience in a certain thing, or if you really, really want to develop a skill in a certain area, for example, me, I am terrified of sales. I really don't I don't like the idea of being a saleswoman. Um but I need to experience, I need to live it, I need to start practicing because it's a fundamental skill, and I think that it's something that will put me in good stead in the future to know how to sell something. Um, because I know that what I'll be selling is actually worthwhile and is and is um honest and is genuine and is worth people's money and time, you know. Um, and therefore I need to learn how to properly embody that part of myself, embody the inner saleswoman within me. Um and only through experiencing can I do that. So, whether that is taking up a volunteering role where I, you know, try and catch people and talk to people on the street, which sounds like my worst nightmare, but who knows, like you know, what I could learn from it. Um yeah, experience is your own fucking currency, it's you and you are valuable, you bring value, and you need to appreciate that what you have to bring people will appreciate also. You need to just believe in it, you need to believe that what you bring is valuable and what you bring is worthwhile. Fuck this stupid currency that we've created and own it, own what you bring. Every single one of us has that within us, and we need to start embodying it, we need to start standing our ground, you know, and and really like channeling it, and knowing that people can gain from that, people can gain from what we have to say, and we can gain from what others have to say. There's no limit, there's no finite amount of experience apart from when we die. But whilst we're here, whilst we're living, whilst we're breathing, we can experience. Yeah, and I am gonna go and try and get myself a job in sales of some sort. I'll let you guys know how I get on. Um but no, seriously, like actually, all jokes aside, um, yeah, like think about what it is that you would like more experiencing experiencing and and and try to you know manipulate your your evenings or your life to kind of allow yourself to to to develop that skill a little bit further. Yeah. There's no there's no limits, there's no requirements, it's just what you can bring. You are so loved, you are worthy, and this is a safe space for you. So um I'm really glad that you're here and that you've listened to another episode of my podcast. And I look forward to seeing you again very soon.