Manifest With Minnie
Ever wondered why you're doing all the inner work... journaling, healing, manifesting - but your life still doesn’t fully reflect the version of you you know you're meant to be?
Welcome to the Manifest With Minnie podcast - where spiritual healing meets real strategy to help you actually live the abundant, purpose led life you're here for.
Hosted by Minnie Courtney, spiritual business mentor, manifestation coach, and creator with 150k+ followers, this podcast is your go to space for healing trauma, owning your worth, building your brand, and scaling your soul led coaching business.
Each week, you'll hear episodes on:
✨ Healing patterns like self doubt, low self worth, people pleasing & anxious attachment
✨ Manifestation and mindset shifts that actually stick
✨ Strategy for spiritual coaches ready to be seen, paid, and in purpose
✨ Real talk on relationships, identity, feminine energy & visibility
This space is made for the woman who’s done playing small - the high-achieving, heart-led, boujee babe who craves both inner peace and outer success.
Whether you're deep in your healing era or ready to coach others through theirs, you're in the right place.
Minnie went from anxious, broke, and stuck in trauma cycles to building multiple businesses, travelling the world, and helping other women scale to £30k+ months... all without selling out their soul.
If you’re ready to go from healing to leading, this is your podcast.
Manifest With Minnie
Master Self Worth Through Emotional & Spiritual Boundaries
This episode is a clip from a boundaries masterclass inside The Portal Membership. What if you could reclaim your energy and fuel your personal growth just by setting better boundaries? This episode promises to equip you with a powerful framework for identifying and establishing the boundaries you need to thrive in all areas of your life. We explore the challenges of saying no, the impact of early learned behaviours like people-pleasing, and the transformative role of self-compassion in overcoming these hurdles. By aligning your boundaries with your core values and goals, you'll learn to foster a support system that truly nurtures your growth.
Explore the intricate dance of self-trust and emotional regulation as we unpack how discomfort can become a potent tool for personal development. Discover the art of self-parenting to feel safe and respected, and how firm boundaries can bolster your self-worth, enhancing your internal family system. We share practical examples of setting specific boundaries and recognising emotions like anger as signals that your limits have been crossed. Writing down and categorising your boundaries can help you understand them as a work in progress, evolving with your personal experiences and insights.
In our conversation, the focus also turns to maintaining healthy communication and energetic boundaries in personal relationships. Imagine yourself surrounded by protective gates as you visualize strong energetic boundaries to assert your value and prevent unwanted interactions. This practice not only reinforces your self-worth but also enhances your ability to communicate clearly and effectively with others. Tune in to transform your understanding of boundaries and their vital role in empowering a more harmonious and self-assured life.
The Portal Membership – Making progress but wondering why things aren't next level clicking? Inside The Portal, you'll get the complete step-by-step Refine, Release, Receive process, exclusive workshops, coaching with me and a high-vibe community to keep you on track. Join here!
1:1 Coaching With Minnie – If you’re tired of trying to manifest on your own and feeling stuck in your old patterns of low self worth, this is for you. Together, we’ll uncover your biggest blocks, rewire limiting beliefs, and make deep shifts that last a lifetime —fast. Apply here!
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to that. As I was saying before, a boundary coming back to what we're really talking about today starts and ends with you. As soon as you start to drag other people into that, the more that things are likely to get shaky, the more people that are going to be the most valuable connections are going to understand your boundaries, are going to want to work with you on allowing you to build boundaries. Trust yourself, have the time that you need, have the space that you need, have the treatment that you need, right. But especially if you're moving from a place of not having the boundaries to a place of having them, it might be an adjustment period for people in your life. A lack of boundaries with yourself is always equal to a lack of restriction, right. And so we've talked about restriction a lot, right? This ability to pause, this ability to restrict what the ego wants, what the body craves, what we feel we need void within us, wanting to fill that void, right? That's where the boundaries with ourself really comes in, and so I want you to ask yourself what do you not say no to, right? What is it that you have a hard time saying no to with yourself? Whether that's chocolate, whether that's a certain person, whether it's a friend, whether that's a certain person, whether it's a friend, whether it's an ex, whether it's your mom, your sister, your brother. Shopping, is it Netflix? Is it scrolling? Right, we all have these areas where boundaries are needed. Right, that's the red flag, or the helpful alert sign that we can look for in our own lives. Is, where are we not really able to say no? We know that we need to put a boundary in place there. We need to put a boundary in place around our scrolling. We need to put a boundary in a place around our chocolate intake. Right, our it might be. We all have something. That it is because sacrificing your boundaries equals sacrificing your manifestations, and that's why I'm like nailing into this and like harping on on this point, because we see it as just another night of scrolling, we see it as just another dessert, even though we promised ourselves that, like we're gonna only eat sugar on the weekends, right, but what that's doing, what that lack of boundaries is, is a lack of restriction, right, and if we've watched any of those really important videos of the remember phase, we know what that's doing to our energetic bank account. That's draining all of the energy that would be going towards our manifestations and it's leaking it all out, right? And so if you are not seeing progress, if you feel like you're like working really hard in your career but it's not moving forward, if you feel like you've like been trying to become the dream partner, you've been doing all the self-work but you're not seeing progress in your love life, look at where are the boundaries weak with yourself? What are you not saying no to? Where do you need to put more restriction into your life? A lot of times that's what it comes down to If you're putting in the work and you're not seeing results. So what I want to go through now? We've kind of covered the importance of boundaries with yourself. I want to look more deeply into boundaries with others, boundaries with relationships, which I know I've had so many coaching conversations around.
Speaker 1:This right Kind of four steps for us to follow. One is know what your boundaries are. Number two is calmly hold your boundary. Number three aftercare with yourself. And number four aftercare with the involved people. And I put a little trophy here because this is like the winning formula, like, if it sounds so nice and easy and smooth, right, you're just going to calmly tell them like, no, um, I'm not doing that. No, this is not acceptable. No, I don't want to talk about that, and then it's going to be all right. We know that it's not always so easy when you're in that moment. Right, and we're going to talk through all of that. But, like with anything, I think if we have a framework in our mind to follow, if we know, okay, this is what I'm going to do, we're a lot. We're now empowered to make that choice rather than just fall into autopilot of what feels easiest.
Speaker 1:What's our comfort zone? What is the programming of what we've always done? What did we see our parents doing? And think about that. What did you see your parents doing in terms of boundary setting? Right, if they said no, did that mean no? Did you see boundaries being something scary and hard and angry? Did you see boundaries being not followed through on? And then there was resentment for that? What did boundaries look like growing up right? Because that's what you're naturally going to likely default to either doing exactly what they did or overcorrecting and going the complete opposite way. Right?
Speaker 1:A lot of times, people had two so much boundaries growing up right that they felt they weren't able to express themselves. They felt they weren't seen or heard, there wasn't flexibility where I needed, there were unnecessary boundaries, maybe right. And then maybe they overcorrected that that now they don't want to hold themselves accountable to anything. They want to just do whatever. You know what I'm going to, everything. I'm gonna drink whatever I want, I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna do whatever. I'm not gonna get this work done on time and there's kind of a rebellion of this overcorrection of the boundaries they experience growing up. Right, or it can be the other way around, of course, but it's interesting to know what to look at. How were boundaries represented or demonstrated to you as you were growing up?
Speaker 1:If they weren't, it makes so much sense that you maybe feel like you just can't show up for yourself and follow through on stuff, or you can't follow through on holding boundaries with others and you do things even though you don't really want to do it, and you find yourself people pleasing or fawning right, it makes so much sense. Maybe you also learn that not voicing what you need, not voicing what you want, fawning and just appeasing others was a way to stay safe, right? So I want us to put down any sort of kicking ourselves, any sort of beating ourselves up any sort of judgment, any sort of shame, because it serves us in no way. It has no place in our boundary setting journey, right? It has no place in our boundary setting journey, right. So I want us to set that aside as we move forward through these steps. So, knowing your boundaries, I want you to, if you have your pen and paper now, go ahead and do that. If you need to grab it, if you need to pause this, if you need to come back to it, whatever you need to do. But I want us to write this down now, right, because there's no time like the present.
Speaker 1:As I said, if we know your values and you know what you're manifesting, it's going to be very clear to you what your boundaries are. If you know that you are a person who is going to be I'm trying to think of a good example here If you know that you're a person who's going to be a business owner and it's going to be like a local cafe, and you are going to be in that city person is constantly out of the, out of the city or out of the country you will what's the word? You will remove yourself from that situation. All right, if you know that you want to be close to your family, it might be a boundary for you to remove yourself from a situation that doesn't allow you to be close to your family. It might be a boundary for you to remove yourself from a situation that doesn't allow you to be close to your family, whatever it might be. If you know where you're going, you know the boundaries that you need, the kind of guide rails that you need to put in place to allow you to arrive there. If you dance club or your kickboxing club and you just feel like you can't say no, even though that's eating into the times that you're supposed to be working on your business, that's an example of if you know where you're going, you have to put the boundaries in place to make that possible for you.
Speaker 1:Oftentimes we do know what we want and what we don't want. Like I don't want to be doing these, this extra help over here. I do want to focus on my business. I do want to help you know all the people that I want to help through my business all these like, let's say, you have a business that helps moms get fit right, like I really do want to help those moms get fit, but I'm not clear on, like, what's my boundary around that? Maybe the boundary is 7 pm to 8 pm I am working on that and I cannot help anyone else with their tasks during that time. For example, I cannot answer your call during that time. Right, and so just knowing that you want to work on your business, for example, isn't enough, but we need to know what is the boundary. That means what are you going to do? I'm going to not answer my phone. I will be at my desk, whatever that might be. That extra clarity goes a long way. You know what your boundaries are. When you think about what are the conditions that you need? What are the? What is the environment? What is the treatment? What is required for you to be safe and happy? Right, what do you require when you have?
Speaker 1:When have your boundaries felt crossed in the past is another great way to check in where exactly are my boundaries. Maybe it's you know when, if a friend was chatting about things that you've been sharing with them to another really close friend of yours, you didn't have a problem with it all. Maybe that wasn't questioning your boundary. Maybe they're both really good friends of yours and and you didn't mind at all maybe a friend was was talking about something that you told them that you didn't want other people to know, and you knew that a boundary had been crossed because you felt anger in your body. The most common thing that we feel when a boundary is being crossed is anger, sadness or shame, especially anger. And so think about the times when you felt those emotions and so you knew okay, I found it, that's the boundary, that's the limit for me. That can help to inform what boundaries need to be put down, and so write them out. Now you might want to put it into categories of love, work, friends, personal self-boundaries, family, and you can write them out.
Speaker 1:Don't feel that you need to try to find boundaries or make boundaries where they're not. Don't feel that you can't, that the boundary is necessarily unrealistic either. Right, just write down whatever comes to mind. Write down what you want your boundaries to be, and it's a work in progress, right, as I'm always saying fast, bad, wrong. Just do it fast, do it bad, do it wrong. Write it right down what comes to your mind done is better than perfect, and then you can work with it from there. And it's not just a, you know, it's not just something that's going to sit there on the side. It's something that you're going to be actively using in all your decisions, in all your communications, and so it's going to sit there on the side. It's something that you're going to be actively using in all your decisions, in all your communications, and so it's going to grow with you.
Speaker 1:Maybe you realize, oh, I need another boundary here with the family. This situation come up and I realize that this needs to be taken into consideration. Maybe you realize that boundary is really not necessary anymore. Maybe you realize that boundary is really not necessary anymore. The more that you are certain in your boundaries, the less that you're going to attract people who would even cross your boundaries, where that would even become a topic or something to talk about. Right, if you already know what those boundaries are, you're already going to be repelling those type of people, and so you know what they are. You've written them down. Of course, pause this, take as much time as you need. You know what your boundaries are. How do you hold them? That's the question really, isn't it? How do like? How do we put that out there? How do we enforce it? What if the person doesn't like it? That's what we want to look into now.
Speaker 1:You must be willing to choose short-term discomfort, discomfort. None of this boundary conversation is going to be useful in any way to you if you are not willing to choose that short time, momentary discomfort. Maybe a person doesn't speak to you for a week, maybe they don't, maybe you lose that friend, but the rest of your life you're going to have your energetic boundaries in place. You're not going to be leaking energy out. You're going to trust yourself. You're going to believe in yourself. You're going to be a protector for yourself. You're going to be an advocate for yourself. You're going to be an example of how to do this for other people. And that is what you have to tune into and choose.
Speaker 1:Because if boundaries are sensitive for you, if you feel that your boundaries have been weak, if you feel that it's not something that comes naturally to you, if your body leans towards a fawn response and you find yourself smiling even though you don't actually like the situation, you find yourself nodding and agreeing even though you're like I don't think I really want to do that, if that's the case, then it will be uncomfortable. It. I promise you it will be and I promise you it will be worth it, right, you can choose that discomfort now and the easy life later, or you can choose the easy option now, just let it slide, just go along with them, just help out again this one time. Just let your family talk about those things that you really that triggers you again just to keep the peace. All right, and in the long term, you're going to continue to suffer, you're going to continue to be more and more drained.
Speaker 1:I think going that, like knowing that it's going to be uncomfortable and knowing that it's going to be so powerful, is really necessary in order for you to be able to do it. Because if you're not aware, or and it's not that you need to hype yourself up like, oh my gosh, this is going to be so terrible, this terrible, this is gonna be horrible, like no one's ever gonna speak to me, of course not, but accepting the fact that you can handle uncomfortable situations, you can handle someone being upset with you, you can handle it. Otherwise, as soon as your body starts to feel that same foreign response coming up, your nervous systems like I'm not sure if this is safe. You, you're going to run, you're going to run and you're going to repeat the same things that you've been repeating, what led you to be in this masterclass right. So accept that beforehand.
Speaker 1:And the stronger that your emotional regulation is, the easier it will be right. The more that you're able to feel discomfort and still hold strong in what are your boundaries, what are your values? Why am I doing this? The easier it's going to be, the more that you're able to to feel upset about their response, but then bring yourself back to regulation. The more that you're able to see this person being angry in front of you and yet hold internal certainty, not just follow along with whatever they're feeling, as if they say oh, that's terrible, how could you say that? How could you hang up on me? Because you know I was talking about something that you said it's a boundary that we don't talk about that. Maybe they were insulting your body, right. Maybe it's a family member that does that. And you said say, if you do that, if you talk about my body, that really makes me feel uncomfortable, so I'm not going to be, I'm going to have to end the phone call, right, and you do it. And maybe then after that they come back and they're angry and they're telling you that that you're so bad for doing that. They're making you feel guilty and you start to feel guilty. That's where your emotional regulation comes in place your ability to connect into what feels good for me, what feels right for me, not get swept up in the emotions of other people. Just step away from that and go and do a breath work and go and do a tapping, to go in and do a check in with your younger self, right, whatever it might be. Whatever you need having the tools, having the ability, having the trust in yourself to bring yourself back to center after a dysregulating moment.
Speaker 1:Faltering in your boundaries will degrade your self-trust and lead to maladaptive protection strategies. So if you can't trust yourself to advocate for yourself, to stand up for yourself, to make sure that you're in safe conversations, that you're in safe places, that you're being respected, whatever it might be, that you have the time that you need, if you can't trust yourself to do that, your subconscious is going to start running around doing all, doing the most, doing extra, to try to make sure that you're safe, because the message that the subconscious is getting is that you're not capable of keeping yourself safe. Right, the conscious version of you that's leading the adult self is not stepping in and advocating for you. So maybe the subconscious says, okay, how can, how can we keep safe? And while? We better keep agreeing with everything or we better dissociate and just block out this. We better avoid by binge eating. We better avoid by scrolling more. We better avoid by alcohol or drugs. We better avoid by finding a new person to crush on.
Speaker 1:Right, all these sorts of protective strategies start to run wild when we don't keep ourself safe, and by safe I mean physically safe, yes, but also emotionally safe and spiritually safe. Right, think of yourself like, at every moment, you are parenting yourself. If you've ever experienced the feeling where you felt that a parent didn't protect you, you felt that a parent didn't advocate for you as much as you want, you know the pain of that experience. You know how that affects your self-worth. You know that, how that affects your feeling of being safe in the world. Right, because all a child has is their parents to do that for them. Right, a young, innocent child.
Speaker 1:And so now, at each moment of your life, you are that parent for yourself and you deserve to have that protection and you have to be the person to put that in place as soon as you don't, as soon as there's not a strong boundary setting, parent leading, putting up the gates, the whole internal family system with inside yourself starts to fall apart. Scared toddlers start running the show. Right, that's when you're like. You have all this spiritual information, you're so self-aware, you're so knowledgeable and yet you're making like decisions in your love life or decisions at work or whatever it is that are not even like like you. Right? You're like why am I doing this? Why do I keep going back to speak to this person? Why do I keep doing this self-sabotaging thing? Right is because your internal family system is freaking out. It doesn't feel safe and it needs a strong parent to set the boundaries, to lead it together. And that parent is responsible for you. It's not responsible for the responses of other people. It's okay if they're upset, it's okay if they're angry With each person.
Speaker 1:I would ask yourself would you sacrifice all of your manifestations and the peace, your inner peace, to maintain this relationship? Because the only way that you setting a boundary is going to end a relationship in your life, whether that's with a romantic partner, friend, family member, a colleague. The only way that boundary is going to end that relationship is if this person is actually a person who is going to destroy your peace and drain all your energies away from your manifestations, and so it's never a sacrifice, it's always a win. You might make mistakes in your boundary setting journey. You might look back and say I really said that in an angry way. Right, we have a natural desire to overcorrect. So if we had no boundaries boundaries and then we finally find that those young inner parts that just wanted guidance, that just wanted protection, then we're like I am never letting myself go through that again. We might start.
Speaker 1:I think there's a phrase like your boundaries don't have to be cold, hard, sp fences, right. You might look back and say, oh, I could have said that in a better way, that's okay. Again, if this is a valuable connection in your life, you're going to be able to repair Most of us who are listening to this. If you're naturally on the side of fawning, you probably don't have to worry about that, because you're probably going to say it in a really nice way anyway. Right, with our family it usually gets trickier because there's a social filter that's dissolved when it comes to our family, and so we say things to our family that we would never maybe say to the neighbor five doors down, or to a random woman in the coffee shop, because the social filter isn't there and so we have to be careful of that.
Speaker 1:And when you are going to say things to your family, think about, like would I say this to mini, would I say in this tone to mini, would I use these words to say it to mini, or to my boss, for example, and just say it in the tone and in the words that you would say it to me or to your boss or to your neighbor, you know whoever it is for you, say it in that way to your family as well, and then you'll be all right. I want to go into language and then, like, how do we say that? How, like? Some people say to me, like how can I tell her that, like you know, I, she's my friend, I care about her, but like I can't talk every day on the phone, right, or like that's my mom, but like I cannot, um, I cannot do all of the errands on the same day, she tells me to do them.
Speaker 1:Whatever it might be right, I want to talk through the wording, but most importantly, I want to tell you that your energy will introduce you or introduce your boundaries before any words are even exchanged. And somebody was saying to me you know, all these people are asking me for all these things. And I asked her what is it about your energy that invites these people in to ask for these things? What is it about your energy that invites men in to pressure you, men in to pressure you? What is it about your boundaries that invites a situation in where you have to actually now have a confrontation of some sort and say this is a boundary right, and you can always think about it, someone in your head that it just doesn't happen to them, right, like maybe you're always getting, like sexual comments from them, but you know another person who, like that, just never happens to them and you, and you'll notice if you think about it, there's a different quality of their energy, right, and it's not your fault. That's again an adaptation of how maybe you've learned to be.
Speaker 1:If you're a fauna, if you're a people pleaser, know that you already are putting out this major energy that says like, come and walk all over me. Come and walk all over me because I have no energetic boundaries, right, and that's okay. That kept you. That got you to where you are now. That kept you safe. That was an intelligent strategy that those young parts of you learned to do.
Speaker 1:That you needed at some point in your life, and what we're saying now is that we get to put that down, and so I want you to already start thinking about that if you're going to go into a dating app, if you're going to go on a date, if you're going to go to your parents house before you get there, I want you to start visualizing your energy.
Speaker 1:I want you to start visualizing these strong golden gates around you, these gates of certainty, and who's inside the gates? A queen, right? What level of protection does a queen have? Does the president have right? Why? Because they're a valuable person. Are you a valuable person, right? I want you to visually, energetically, spiritually see those gates protecting you. Know that that is going to be felt by others. They're going to already feel that you're a valuable person, that you have protections in place, that you can't be messed with, that you're not going to be abused, right, that you see your worth and that is going to introduce your boundaries in a much more powerful way and before even getting to the stage of having to.