Manifest With Minnie

External Validation Will Suck the Life Out of Your Manifestations… Here’s What to Do Instead

• Minnie Courtney

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This episode I share how seeking external validation limits us and comes from childhood wounds. We also delve into how to heal and find self-acceptance. 


• Exploring the addictive nature of external validation 
• Understanding the two bank accounts: 3D reality vs. divine support 
• Rewiring our subconscious beliefs 
• Shadow work prompts for the root of our neediness
• Affirmations to claim our power back

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Speaker 1:

external validation is like a drug that constantly dangles this carrot of fulfillment, wholeness, safety, love and confidence but always leaves us the next day feeling emptier and emptier and never quite getting that satiation of the feelings and the safety that we were looking for. External validation shows up as hoping that somebody will like me, changing my actions, changing my demeanor, changing my tone of voice so that I will be more accepted, trying to mind travel into the mind of others to figure out why they're acting the way that they're acting. What do they think about me? What does this mean? External validation seeking shows up as chasing one accomplishment after the other without any connection to why this accomplishment is relevant to our souls process, without a soul meaning behind it. External validation seeking shows up as proving ourself, chasing and earning love, rather than sitting in and accepting the abundance that's already there, because there's always an abundance of love and safety available to us. But there's two bank accounts, there's the 3D reality bank account and there's the divine bank account, and you can't pull from both at the same time. But you can easily switch from one to the other and you've probably experienced this if you've been feeling so grateful, so connected, so connected to your sole purpose, so much trust in your manifestation things. They might not, even nothing might be happening externally, but you just feel so high, vibrational, and within a moment, sometimes it's a trigger, sometimes nothing even happens, but that feeling, that connection just somehow slips away and all of a we're digging up the seed to see if it's sprouted. Yet we're looking for the recognition we're looking for where is the money going to come from? Where is the next relationship going to come from? And we don't feel that safety anymore. Everything suddenly feels uncertain again, we feel low, and that was an example of how you instantly, within a moment, switched from being tapped in to the endless divine energy source to the very limited, very temporary, very up and down energy source of the physical world and the external 3d reality.

Speaker 1:

But the amazing news is, just as quickly as you can fall out and that being your energy source, you can also fall right back into it. And so any moment when you are feeling that I'm seeking, I'm seeking, seeking, I need something outside of me. It's not enough. When's it going to happen? Is it going to happen? The fear is coming in again. All you need to do is bring in that remembrance, that soul truth that there is actually an unlimited energy source of everything that you're seeking for right in front of you, and I just need to choose to connect back into that.

Speaker 1:

As soon as you're looking for your energy from other people, you disconnect from the unlimited universe. You're now playing on a horizontal field. I give to get. I did this, they should do that. Why aren't they giving me this? Why are they not approving of me? Why are they not giving me words of affirmation? Why are they not showing up in this way? Why is my boss not recognizing me? Why is my boss not recognizing me? This is not fair.

Speaker 1:

We're playing on this horizontal field of human to human energy exchange and humans are always limited. So even on the best day, what you're going to be able to get from any of those people is going to be less than what you're going to be able to get from a divine, universal source, and it's going to be temporary. Humans have moods, humans have ups and downs, and so you never want this to be our energy source. It's so limited, but it makes sense why we would be sent on that path of looking for that if you didn't have all of your physical and emotional needs met.

Speaker 1:

As a child, you created a subconscious set point that you need to be seeking that there's not enough. There's not enough love, there's not enough validation, there's not enough. There's not enough love, there's not enough validation, there's not enough physical resources, there's not enough attention. And so that becomes our set point that I need to seek there's not enough. And as a child, you didn't have that free will to go and create that, and so you did the best that you could with what you had, and it makes so much sense and it's safe now to move beyond that. Your adult self probably knows that if you listen to this podcast, you probably have some level of self-awareness, some desire to grow, and the version of you who's listening to this now might feel like, yeah, that's true, the universe is always there for me. I don't need anyone to validate or prove it. I'm good enough right now. I'm worthy. Right now, everything that I want is coming to me.

Speaker 1:

But when we get triggered, that old wiring, that old programming off, see, it's proof, you're not enough. It's proof you're not good enough. This, this feels horrible. Let's go and fix that. Let's avoid this pain that our younger self felt, because, as our younger selves, as children, everything in the world revolves around us and we make everything mean something about us. And so if we were not getting attention from our parents, we'll create our own meaning of why that is a proof of our insufficiency. It must be because I'm too loud, it must be because I'm too quiet, it must be because I'm not that interesting, it must be because other people are better than me. And we all create our own creative meanings for this, as children, of course, from the mind of a child. So it's often very illogical, it's often very untrue. Yet that is when our wiring is being created.

Speaker 1:

And so, unless you go in and do the rewiring, the reprogramming of your subconscious, that is what is going to continue to play out, and you're going to continue to attract situations where, see, they think you're not pretty enough, see they're rejecting you, see you've been abandoned again, and that becomes actually a comfort zone, and a comfort zone that it takes courage to let go off. We think that if something is hurting us and not serving us, we would, of course, stop doing it. But if we look back on the past years of our lives, you can probably see that that is not actually how we work as humans. That's not actually how the subconscious works. The subconscious will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. And so if you learn to play out this role of a person who is not good enough, who good things don't happen for, who it's always nearly there but never quite chosen, whatever it is that you learned to play out, whatever it is that might have been externally true in your reality in the past, that becomes your safety zone of this is familiar terrain.

Speaker 1:

And anything outside of that, even if it's something that we logically know is better, is good. Maybe it's a healthy relationship, maybe it's a higher paying job, maybe it's being able to have financial freedom and travel the world. Logically we know that's better, but to our subconscious that is like going out into the desert with a whole load of risks and a whole load of unseen dragons that we might have to potentially fight. And I think part of finding the courage to do that is really not just smothering ourselves in positive affirmations that actually it's all going to be easy. Actually there's all going to be easy. Actually there's not going to be any dragons out there, because whether your path is good or bad, the path has both snakes and ladders right.

Speaker 1:

The law of polarity tells us that there will always be those moments, there will continue to be moments for us to grow. And so, instead, if we can strengthen ourselves to know that one, I am capable of facing the snakes that may come up on this new path. On this new path, on the path of believing I'm worthy, on the path of choosing an emotionally available man, on the path of quitting my job, whatever that path is, on the path of accepting my body as it is, I'm capable of facing any snakes that come up. And two, if I am moving forward with God, with the universe behind me, I will always be supported and protected. And so, as we come to strengthen ourselves, as we come to strengthen ourselves, as we come to connect into the universe as our energy source, the less that we need external validation to fulfill those things.

Speaker 1:

You only seek energy, and that's exactly what external validation seeking is. It's seeking energy. You only seek this when you're in a state of lack. And, as we've said, it makes sense why we might have been in a state of lack, why our bodies have learned to be in a state of lack, why our bodies have learned to to seek and to feel unsafe, and how this becomes a comfort zone, and so it is a process. If it took years to program this in, of course we don't expect there to be a magic button that makes it all go away. However, as I said, that switch happens instantly, and so the new self-concept, the new comfort zone, the new levels of inner fulfillment and inner stability and empowerment within yourself can happen so much faster than you imagine.

Speaker 1:

It's not always a long, five-year journey of healing, of lessons, of going through painful, difficult situations, more heartbreaks, in order for you to learn this lesson. You have the free will right now to choose a different path, to choose the discomfort, to choose something that is unknown, and to prioritize that every day. Prioritize that when you forget and when the lack feels realer than the trust. That is the moment when you get to use your free will and quantum leap to a different timeline will and quantum leap to a different timeline. As you're quantum leaping, you get constant mini check-ins of here's another temptation, here's another distraction.

Speaker 1:

Are you really sure that you don't need that validation? This person responded the way that you've been scared of all this time, and they are not speaking to you anymore. This person has acted in a way that's made you feel rejected. Are you going to go back now? Are you going to backtrack and say actually, yes, give me that safety, give me that limited energy supply, let me chase again, let me overthink, let me analyze to death this situation? Or am I going to reconnect, reaffirm, ask the universe to give me strength and visualize myself being filled up with energy from the universe and pushing away any energy that's coming from the limited source of external people, external situations, and say I don't need this, I don't need anything because I have everything I need within me. The universe is filling me with all the love and all the safety right now, and it is unconditional and it is abundant and it is never ending. That's the choice, that's the switchback that can happen at any moment.

Speaker 1:

I want to share some shadow work prompts and some affirmations right now for you to tangibly go out and use, because spiritual growth is a physical practice and all of our physical results are spiritual endeavors, so they're not disconnected in any way. Knowing these things will not change your physical reality, will not change the level of relationships you're attracting, the level of money you have, how physically vibrant you are, your health. It will not change these physical things until you work them until you implement them, until you embody them, until you keep choosing them fearlessly and ferociously, in the difficultest moments, in the most difficult moments. So I want to share these shadow work prompts and affirmations for you to go and actually implement and to try out and to journal on and to use, and you can commit yourself for one week, for example, to focusing on this. If you know that this is something that you're working on, if it's something that's been triggered recently, you can commit yourself for this next week to holding this intention every day, setting that intention every morning, doing one of these shadow work prompts a day and repeating these affirmations each night.

Speaker 1:

If you want further support with this, I do have a complete process. It's the refine release receive process. It's a proven process that women have been using and myself for nearly five years now, taking you through building the real spiritual foundations to make these long-term, lasting changes, to make manifestation methods something that you don't even really need anymore because you're so connected and so in flow. And we do that, of course, by going deep into the healing, into integrating all the wounded parts of ourself and putting it all together in a simple, easy to follow holistic pathway that addresses the mind, body and the soul. So you don't have to do all that research, have to spend all that trial and error time of working on one thing, saying all the affirmations, but now you realize your nervous system is dysregulated. And then you work on your nervous system, but now you realize that you actually are still scared of healthy love, and so you have to go into that. This brings it all into one process and so you can work on that one-on-one with me with the one-on-one coaching application, or you can get the entire trainings for that process and group coaching with me inside the portal which is linked in the show notes as well.

Speaker 1:

So our shadow work prompts for external validation are as follows. Number one when did I feel like I need something outside of myself during the past week or month? This might have been a response, a recognition, love, respect, comfort. When did I feel like I need something outside of myself during the past week or month? When did I feel like I need something outside of myself during the past week or month? And then, what did this cause me to do? How did I act mentally, what thoughts was I having? And physically, how did I then react to that? When we break this down, when we break this apart, we're now uncovering this, this shadow within us, this hidden way that we're seeking this energy. We're bringing it all to the forefront, we're bringing massive awareness to it, which is going to help to re-educate us as well on whether this really serves us.

Speaker 1:

So, looking at what thoughts are actually happening when I felt like I needed that thing and what actual actions did I take as a result of that that? Number two when did I not receive this thing in the past? So the thing that I was seeking, that I felt like I needed, when do I remember needing that and not receiving it? So it might have been safety, it might have been love, it might have been recognition, it might have been attention. When did you need that in the past? When did your younger self truly need that and not receive it? Number three what did I make that mean about me? What am I still carrying from that? What did my younger self believe that this meant about me? That I didn't receive that in that moment? What am I still carrying from that today? Number four what do I want this younger version of me to know?

Speaker 1:

Number five if I accept that seeking this externally does not work, how can I feel the safety or the love that I'm seeking in a way that does serve me? What thoughts would I actually need to be thinking? What actions would I need to be taking, even when my body is saying go back to that old way of getting energy, go back to that old way of getting safety and love? If I now accept that that does not work, what would I need to do instead? What would I need to hold myself accountable to Affirmations?

Speaker 1:

Number one I have everything I need within me right now. Number two I have certainty that everything I need is within me and is not attached to any external expectations. Number three I am whole and overflowing with abundance. Number four I am never alone. I am always here for me. The universe is always here for me. The universe is always here for me. Number five I allow myself to exist in the void of not knowing, in the void of emptiness. I don't need to seek for anything to fill this lack, because I can handle it. Number six to fill this lack because I can handle it, number six, everything that is aligned to my soul will not require me to chase outside of myself.

Speaker 1:

I hope that these affirmations write them down, take a recording of this moment of the podcast, whatever you need, and come back to these affirmations for the next seven days. If this is a trigger point that you're working on, go through these shadow work prompts and, as I said, it's sometimes difficult for us to see our own shadow. It's like the eye trying to look back at itself. If you need support, if you want me to personally guide you through the work that we've been talking about today and much more to create a real, long-term, holistic change, then you can apply for one-on-one coaching or join the portal membership, and I will see you in the next episode. I hope you have a beautiful, blessed day and lifetime full of miracles.