Call Me Limbo
Call Me Limbo is your weekly dose of comedic therapy where pop culture and politics get tossed in a blender with personal stories, improv games, and zero chill. Hosted by Dai and David—two queer best friends with more opinions than filter—the show tackles everything from reality TV and music videos to capitalist hellscapes and Bad Bunny’s underwear.
It’s entertainment with a little revolution on the side.
Sometimes you’ll laugh until you cry. Sometimes you’ll cry until you’re organizing a union. Either way, we’re here for the drama, the joy, and the work of building a better world—with jokes. Always with jokes.
We believe the personal is political, but also… pop culture is too damn fun to ignore. So whether you’re here for the Disney Channel wand impressions or a fiery takedown of billionaires—welcome. You’ve found your people because when they go low.....we go lower. So, Call Me Limbo!
Call Me Limbo
Call Me Fagé (The Yogurt, Obviously) - with Jordan B.
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
This week, we’re serving you a probiotic-packed episode with special guest Jordan B.—a hilarious improv veteran living in Germany—where we spiral from gay dating red flags to full-on therapy with zero warning and even less self-control.
We unpack:
- The red flags we ignored (on purpose?)
- Dating horror stories we still haven’t recovered from
- Whether being gay is a choice (spoiler: it’s the best one)
- Armpits & gay awakenings
- Nicki Minaj’s timeless wisdom: “If you let that broke n— f** we telling.”
- And, of course… F*ggy™ (the yogurt, obviously)
So grab a spoon and join us as we laugh through the chaos, cry through the delusion, and maybe—just maybe—learn to block him before date two.
We’re kicking off Pride Month with a bang (well… not that kind). So what are you waiting for? Click play. Listen loud (but with headphones).
Correction: Information on age of consent in the United States
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Theme Music by Aidan Ivory Edwards.
Logo by Mark Mittelstaedt.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of your favorite podcast. It's your boy Day.
SPEAKER_03And I'm David, and together we get so sick of sissies, we don't know what to do.
SPEAKER_01No doubt, call me limbo.
SPEAKER_04Happy Pride Month. Happy gay month. Happy gay month. So all month. Okay, y'all. So for those who are unaware, I have an obsession with problematic like videos of people who actually are being really mean to the gay community, but they're terrible at it. And so it ends up being really funny. And so that clip, what David just referenced, is arguably my favorite. And so I have to find that. So y'all can hear it.
SPEAKER_01I get so sick of senses, I don't know what to do. I'm sick of census.
SPEAKER_04But yes, we are having a fun episode today with um one of my favorite people in the world. Nobody gets on my nerves. It makes me laugh the way that this is not too much. Listen, hold on, hold on, hold on. So, yes, there's no person that embodies that more than my good friend, fellow improver. Oh my gosh, I've known him for what's going on six years now, which is crazy. Fellow brandy star, aka Stan. Um, welcome to the show, Mr. Jordan Burton, everybody.
SPEAKER_00Hello, how y'all doing? Okay, make up bitches. Today is pride. Well, yo, rank boast is gay outside.
SPEAKER_04Hey, yes, today is our first official episode for Pride Month. So we are call me limbo, call me gay or whatever you're gonna say, it's extra gay. All month, and David and I have a wonderful, wonderful roster of people and guests coming to you.
SPEAKER_00I want y'all to know for those who can't see, Jordan is effing up some French fries right now from a nondescript international fast food chain whose mascot may or may not be a clown.
SPEAKER_04Anyway, we're gonna talk about it. Amen. Because listen, we're not getting a free promo. Because if those if those golden arches aren't referring to your back, we're not talking about you doing Pride Month. So super excited to talk about dating. We've been promising a dating episode for forever, but we decided to make it fun because it's Pride Month. So we're gonna be talking about dating red flags. And I, the first person I thought about, nobody has my favorite problematic takes more when it comes to dating than Jordan. Jordan is currently living overseas in the in the miss in the middle of nowhere, Germany, um, as a black queer man, as he says, with a big Ben's uh body out there in Germany. So I'm excited to hear about his dating experiences. Um it's crazy. Some of which I know, some of which I don't know. Um, and he's also gonna probably be going in on me because he knows all my business. So Lord, let's see what the editing button is gonna have to do.
SPEAKER_00You know what? I'm gonna just say, men, regardless of where you go, they are ghetto, okay? It's trash. Nobody would choose to like men if they had a choice, because liking men is ghetto as hell.
SPEAKER_04Can't but I'm trying to be better because I said, you know what? I'm trying to work on how I speak about men because maybe that's the problem.
SPEAKER_00Well maybe it's no, because I tried to speak like listen, I put my picture on, I'm I had his picture on my mirror, and then I took that shit down, okay? Anyway, shout out to Anaya Lemise.
SPEAKER_04I start getting sick.
SPEAKER_00And when I and see, and my when I say when I see you, that means it's on site. But anyways, wow.
SPEAKER_04Well, you know what? Call me liberal does not endorse violence, but we also say that we understand it as well.
SPEAKER_03I was gonna say we also understand why it may or may not happen sometimes.
SPEAKER_04Watch what you say, watch what you say. Watch your man's, you should watch your mouth.
SPEAKER_00Oh, amen. And let me stop because I know y'all don't got the clearance.
SPEAKER_04Okay, listen, Nikki, do not sue us. Uh, I don't even think we finished the intro to this episode, but as you can tell, I'm really excited because we have been trying to make this episode happen for a very long time. And it was everything aligned the stars, the voodoo, and the astrology. Because you're gonna say all gays are astrologists, so it all aligned for this to happen. I didn't remember if David had the transition or not, but if not, we can go ahead.
SPEAKER_03I'm I don't, I was like, I am just as I was like, I'm just happy to be here today.
SPEAKER_00Not chop, not chopping an upper pant, but you have a bad bitch as your park. Okay.
SPEAKER_04All right, well, yes, okay. I'm excited because we are going to kick things off with a fun conversation about dating red flags. And I call this segment the date from hell starter pack. So, Jordan, the first thing I want to ask you is what is a red flag that you ignored and paid for with your soul, with your peace of mind, or whatever that means to you.
SPEAKER_00You know, this might sound very vain, but sometimes that is sometimes a red flag that I have is if somebody is obsessed with me, like I don't care how creepy it is, I don't care how emotionally unavailable a person is, as you know, as you know from my daily life in history, I don't care how ugly or how broke they may be, like if you're obsessed with me, that is a good way to pull me. Like being obsessed with me, and it might sound very vain, but it's like you're obsessed with me, but you should be. So let's cut to the chase. Get small talk and let's get right to the chase. You know what? So that's a green flag. Is that a green flag? It could be, but sometimes I'm saying, like, if they're obsessed with me, but like they have other red flags, I ignore the other red flags.
SPEAKER_04Interesting. Okay. You know what? I can honestly say that I understand that. So I guess if I had to answer ish, let's see, I don't have a I will ignore, I will ignore inconsistency sometimes. Like when people subconsciously make me have to like pursue them, like if they make it too easy, then I like get nervous that it's like fake. But then I will obsess over people who are like who always I call it residual hope, where they like like me just enough to keep me interested. Or actually, no, I take that back. People will love bomb me in the beginning and they'll tell me how I'm all this, that, the third. And so, but I will ignore them because I'd be like, this is too much. So it's almost the opposite of your problem. I'd be like, this is in the field genuine. Can't stand.
SPEAKER_00I've actually seen um because I follow, she's like a dating coach on Instagram. I'll have this in your if I think her name is like Sabrina Zahar or something like that. So sometimes what happens is if your mind can make connections, sometimes your mind just makes a connection and it just moves on. If your mind cannot make a connection, then sometimes your brain gets stuck on it. Like, I don't understand this, I don't know why this is, this doesn't make sense. And one of those things that will prompt that, like something that'll prompt it is if somebody young abruptly dies, but you don't know how, your brain will get stuck on it, right? Um, so another part of that when it comes to like dating is if your brain can make a connection, sometimes it just makes a connection and move on. If your brain cannot make a logical connection for something, sometimes you'll get fixated on it. So, for example, like if somebody young abruptly dies, your brain will get stuck on that makes no sense. How did they die? How do they die? How do they die? Which is, you know, even when people say, Can you please respect it? they'll still try to figure out why the person died because it doesn't make sense to them. So in dating, like what you just described, if somebody is love bombing you, showing that they like you, then all of a sudden they disappear. Your brain is going to be like, wait, they liked me, but now they don't, and this doesn't make sense. When really, um, it's just that I mean, can I say the n-word on the podcast? Say whatever you want. When really these niggas just ain't shit.
SPEAKER_04I mean, listen, that's what I've come to the conclusion of based on my own personal life experiences. But I do struggle because I I actually would agree with you that I'm a person that has things have to make sense. But I think as I've gotten older in dating, because you know, I always say this, most gay people, our dating life and what they call it, I think they call it now the second adolescence, because a lot of gay people, when our counterparts are going through you know, puberty and they're starting to date, having crushes and all this stuff, a lot of that for us starts much, much later. So it's like we're we, you know, instead of being in our teenage wild years, we're like in our 20s experiencing that for the first time.
SPEAKER_00And I'm sorry, can I can I be unserious for a quick second? Because you're talking about the Please! And I just want to I just want to ask, okay. Are are David? I think I know I probably know the answer to David. I'll be shocked if it's not. David, are you a gold star gay? Are you a platinum member of the LGBTQ community?
SPEAKER_03I am a gold star gay. And for those who don't know what that means, what does that mean?
SPEAKER_00Okay, so yes, you've had it. Um, Dada, are you a gold star gay? You ain't never dived in it before. I've never oh, I'm sorry. So if you're like a gold, that's right. If you're a gold star gay, that means that you have never been with somebody of the opposite sex. You've never had a beard, you never tried to double dabble in the kitty cats, you've never tried to eat on the nibble on the cookie like Cookie Monster. You know, you never tried to dive up in it like Troy Songs. Um he he problematics. He cut that up.
SPEAKER_04David David loves his aesthetics.
SPEAKER_03I love somebody who I think I can fix.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it is a red flag.
SPEAKER_03I love somebody I think I can fix.
SPEAKER_00Allegedly, and I'm gonna say allegedly for the legal. Allegedly, some of the folks be saying that they're they're worse than people that are already incarcerated, anyways. Oh my lad. Oh, but go drop no name. Legal drop no name. But what I'm gonna do. That's right, because you you go star, but you ain't never you ain't never really double dabble in a dilly dally.
SPEAKER_03So yeah, no, I always thought that it would be really disingenuous. Like, I always knew that like I was well, I knew like officially what gay was when I was like 15 or so, but I knew that I wasn't necessarily attracted to like girls or women um when I was younger, but I didn't necessarily understand like attraction to men. It wasn't until puberty started, and that I was like it for me, it was like I was fascinated by like armpit hair and like yeah, and body hair. Unlike we Oh, you want a girl that's be sniff up up onto the armpit.
SPEAKER_00Okay, oh, let me find out. You like that musky man? Oh sniffing up onto that pit. All right, yeah. But yeah, no, I was really but I'm not gonna shame.
SPEAKER_03No, and I don't, and I don't receive it as such. But I yeah, no, I was like, I was always really curious about about like body hair because my body was changing. And so I saw these older men like playing tennis at the high school tennis courts, which was just right down the street, as I was like mowing lawns in my dad's purple pickup truck, listening to Britney Spears as I was like uh baby one more time, maybe oh yeah, okay, baby one more time. It was like original Britney, like when she first came out, but yeah, but no, I was like, I've always thought that I I could fix somebody. That was my that was my reflection.
SPEAKER_04I do want to clarify so gold, so I just learned the distinction. So gold gays are like no you know interaction with female that way, but then platinum gays are for exercise reserved exclusively for those who had c-section, so they've never even come through the Coochie Canal, and so oh wow, yeah. Because he I think he said he he's as a platinum gay because he came out via c-section.
SPEAKER_00So they ain't never seen a ceiling in their whole life.
SPEAKER_04Come on, but no, I was like, I did date girls um growing up, so um, more so when I was younger than when I as I like got older. My last girlfriend was in high school.
SPEAKER_00Um I mean, that was the thing. I mean, that was just a thing that people did. I feel like, you know, in this in just the millennial generation, like because I'm thinking at high school, and there were some boys that had girlfriends, but it's like we kind of knew they was, baby, we knew they was, we knew they was gonna toot it and boot it as soon as they got older.
SPEAKER_04I always say this my sexuality is weird, I feel like, in that I feel like I'm still discovering it as I gotten older, but I did learn it, took me a while to realize, like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So this was my weird thing. I liked girls emotionally, but the older I got physically, I realized I just was not attracted to them. I would say there was so that's because you wanted to kick keep with them. You wanted to be a sister, you know, you wanted to kick with them.
SPEAKER_00That's why you had that attraction.
SPEAKER_04But with men, I did not like them emotionally. Like, I just didn't have the same level of depth talking to guys that I did with female friends. Because men are garbage.
SPEAKER_00Well, you know, Oscar my and like, and I would I would say that's probably because you know, societally, men are conditioned for violence, they're conditioned for homophobia, they're conditioned for you know, um, being rude, not tapping into their emotions and feelings. So I said just all just more exactly from that surface level, just how women are conditioned societally, people are going to more so gravitate towards women, then not saying that you know men are always bad and women are always perfect. There are some rope person in the comment section. Uh um, there's some discrepancies with with everybody, but it's just saying, like societally, men are conditioned to be trash. It's like how do women look at virginity, whereas a woman losing her virginity is looked at as bad, slutty trash. If a man loses their virginity, it's looked at as a goal, a high five, which makes no sense to me. Because who are these niggas having sex with if they're supposed to be sleeping with virgins? Come on, come on, listen. I can't maybe it might be it might listen, it might have been me, but anyway.
SPEAKER_04Oh my lord. Anyways, so what I was gonna say though is the fact that I had to reconcile that because also now this sounds like my therapy sessions. The hardest part was that often the men that I was getting to know or dating, the problem I had was the fact that they were very hell-bent on like bullying me or teasing me publicly. Oh, I don't like that. But they would call me as soon as they got home, and then we'd be on the phone for hours. So, like, they they recognized that there was an emotional depth in the conversations we had that they didn't have with other male friends.
SPEAKER_00Like, was what you said is because you know, because when you're growing up gay and you're especially if you're growing up gay in a religious household, how many you're told it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong. You're gonna accept any type of love and affection that you get. Because I'm saying, me at 33, do not try to dumb shit with me. Do not try to play me and do not try to play me in uh public and try to holler at me in private. And that goes for any aspect, even um even when it comes to my job, I'm not gonna say what my job is, but at my job, it's even like no babes, you cannot be acting a fool and disrespecting me publicly and trying to come to me in person when nobody's around for a private apology. I'm sorry, okay. Public disrespect is going to be a public apology, it's gonna need a public change of behavior. So if we if the if the funnel happened in private, of course, we can fix it in private and whatnot. But like in public, absolutely not. And so I think that it's just so like that situation that you said is not uncommon where it's like the bullies are bullying you in public, but they're gonna try and kiss you in in private and stuff like that. So I've definitely experienced that to a certain extent where it's just like I'm accepting things that I don't deserve. And even if you ask, like if you ask people, I'm 33. So if you ask millennials people in their age range, like gay people or LGBT what their first experience was, sometimes that shit is heartbreaking. Like when I look in retrospect, I was 17. I was 17, I had no business with a 29-year-old. None. So it's like, but that creepy 29-year-old was the person that was giving me attention, so that's why I gravitated towards him. Like in retrospect, it's like uh he was a loser, but uh here we are.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, bullying is challenging because I think it set me up for issues dating, because that was what uh my introduction into it's kind of like when guy when we teach little girls, oh, if the boy hits you, it's because he likes you. But it was like the gay version of that. And so a lot of the people, whenever a guy just wanted to approach me and was respectful or blah blah blah, I didn't under it didn't compute, kind of like what we talked about earlier.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, it's a it's weird first and also some of um some of people's some of our first form of bullying is from the church or our parents. That's the first one of bullying, by saying that, oh, this is wrong. This is you don't deserve this, this is wrong, and so nobody should love you. And so when the drakes of society are showing that they love you, you're gonna gravitate towards that because everybody has some type of wrong to be accepted in some way.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, very, very true. And then they get mad when they tell you to go to hell and you're like, okay, I'm gonna go. And then they say, no, no, no, no, not like that. So it's all a mess. And a lot of times you find community, like I know with people who have like certain religious backgrounds, they end up their first experiences are with other people in that space because they all feel like, oh, no one else will understand if I because you both can be confused together, and you but it's so much shame and heartbreak wrapped around it, it's very toxic. So red flags, it's it's crazy.
SPEAKER_00Like when you grow up and you realize your experiences aren't like unique, and all the other people, it's like that's what they went through too. It's so crazy. That's what I always try to tell. Whenever I run into people in the younger generation, I like try to let them know just in whatever regard that their their situation is not mutually exclusive. I know it seems like the end of the world, when you become an adult, all that's gonna fall by the wayside.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's like when you go to college, once you hit college, that's when people are exploring their sexuality, they're exploring how what it feels like to be broke, or they're experiencing what it's like to be around very rich people, they're exploring everything, and it's just like that's before you even get to the conversation of like men being masculine, uh, the athlete that actually realized he wanted to be a bottom. There's nothing wrong with that. We celebrate the rainbow here.
SPEAKER_00Um y'all might support the uh rainbow, but I don't know about no LGBTQ.
SPEAKER_03That's what I was that's okay. Well, you know what, Jordan? This is actually the perfect segue for celebrating celebrating the rainbow because we have a sponsor who celebrates the the rainbow this month. So we are gonna go to the sponsor, and then we will be right back. This June, Call Me Limbo is celebrating Pride Month by only eating gay yogurt. That's why we're so excited to have partnered with Faggy. Companies all over the US are rolling back DEI initiatives, but not Faggy. Faggy's got Pride 365. Faggy knows that gender is a spectrum, and so is yogurt. Have you ever been called fruity? Well, then you'd love strawberry faggy. Ever been a people pleaser? If yes, I think you'd probably like pineapple faggy. Do you call yourself versatile? So does faggy. But let's be honest, you're probably a bottom, which is why you need the probiotics in faggy. So why wait? Add buying queer yogurt to your gay agenda today. Faggy, culture your culture. And we're back. Shout out, dude. Shout out to Faggy. I it's my favorite yogurt, you guys.
SPEAKER_00It's my favorite. Actually, so it's very funny that word is such a coincidence. So I work with teenagers and they like to do wordles and stuff like that. The New York Times. So the New York Times actually has a string of games that you can go on and play um in addition to Wordle, and one of them is just a mini crossword puzzle. And so the word said it was F blank G G Y. And the hint was San Francisco in the summertime, and I typed the letter A, just not even thinking about it. And I swear to God, one of my teenagers saw it and they were dying. And I said, and I said, you know what? I don't even know why I typed that. I'm sorry, it's clearly it's an O. But I don't know. I just saw, I'm sorry, I just saw something. Oh, it was an O. It was foggy.
SPEAKER_04Hold on, hold on, hold on. This is what this is what New York Times said.
SPEAKER_00It wasn't it wasn't A, it was O. And I in my head I said, I've actually never been to San Francisco before. So I didn't know it was foggy. I just know that San Francisco is known for being gay, so I typed in A. Like, why would the New York Times put that word in there? Because that's not even a real word. I'm sorry. He was dying, but like some stuff like this is why I continue to be the favorite teacher.
SPEAKER_03So no, because I'm well let's just say both of these things are true at the same time.
SPEAKER_04Yes, there's a gay on staff because there's no I would have never ever guessed foggy. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00No, because it just says San Francisco in the summertime, and I'm like, Pride.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but you know, Jordan, you have me thinking because we have talked about your red flags, green flags, we've had therapy flags. So I am curious to wrap up uh some of that part. You what if you could finish this sentence? Actually, you and David, I should have left. When they said blank.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so can you give me an adjective about which one we're talking about? Because there's several. You can pick one. Or this is just a general. The floor is yours, Jordan. The floor is yours. It's crazy because I these people. I you know what? This is what I mean when they said I should have left when they said that they did not like men, despite their actions saying that they did.
SPEAKER_04Always. Always.
SPEAKER_00Young gay. Listen, young gay. That applies to about five, six. That applies about five, six, seven, eight, nine niggas I done talked to before. But see, me at 33, I know better. But I was gonna say, why did it take eight to get to that? First of all, Mr. I like to get bullied. Not too much.
SPEAKER_04First of all, don't be using my trauma, my channel.
SPEAKER_00Okay, because I don't live in the city. Okay, because that's sitting up there with your pink cat looking like Timmy Timmy Timmy Sarner. Not too much.
SPEAKER_04You know what? I'm sorry. On my show, so I'm a hush. I'm a hush.
SPEAKER_00On my show that you need me as a guest on to get the ratings up, okay? Just like Janet Jackson either in that TV saying at their heads on perfect. Okay, you need me like Janet Kaya for that. No, baby.
SPEAKER_04I need to do the whole world, knew you was a clown. Like, nevertheless, I do like that. I think that's an interesting way of doing it. I actually that would be something I would tell every young gay grasshopper. Like, if that man tells you he don't know, if he like man, the last word out of his mouth was, I don't know. No means no, baby. That's the last sound we heard. Let him go.
SPEAKER_00Don't waste your time, let him experiment with himself in peace. Don't think you can change him. Now, that's not to say I have seen some people have some successful love stories out of it, but for the most part, that is no, that is a big red flag. Leave that nigga alone until he clearly defines his sexuality and clearly defines that he likes you, wants you, and only you. And even if that takes you leaving him by himself to figure that shit out, move on with and don't wait for that nigga either. Okay, move on with your life.
SPEAKER_04This feels real personal right now. But no, I want to say this though. My biggest thing is I always say this you don't have to like boy men, you just have to like me. If it's clear you like me and you are comfortable liking me and we don't have no problems, great. But if you out here, I don't know if I like men, so then I don't know if I like you, then we have a whole problem.
SPEAKER_00Like I was personal because see, think about this. It's how do I explain it? I said, I said, and I said, I think we're gonna agree to disagree on this. I'm sorry, you have to have a clearly defined sexuality to be with me. It can't be I I maybe I and I like you, but this is new for me, and I expect I'm sorry, this is not new for me. So this is not so this is not, you know, this is not, I'm not, you know, I'm not a flavor of lemonade that they just put on the menu that you're trying to figure out if you like or not. I'm not no pine, I'm not a glass of pineapple lemonade. You're trying to figure out if you like the flavor, okay? Either you like pineapples or you don't while I tried to flip my fan and didn't know I'm screamy, yes.
SPEAKER_03I, you know, it's funny. I was like, I was gonna say Jordan or pineapple faggy, just to throw it back to our sponsor. Yes, thank you. Exclusively sold in San Francisco during the summer. During the summer. Uh-huh. But yeah, no, it's like I think back, I was like, the first person I ever dated, it was very much like sort of a secret relationship. And it was in college, like you were talking about earlier about being in college. And it was like my first week of college, and this person, we lived on the same floor of our residence hall, and we would just like sneak around together and hang out in the janitors' closets and drive around, like which you know what? That's there's gotta be a first place for everything, I suppose. David, you was in the closet, you bent over like living a poke.
SPEAKER_01What is okay?
SPEAKER_00Lynn man bending over in the in the janitor's closet. I ain't doing no bending. Oh, so hold on. You had that you had that young chocolate man um bent over.
SPEAKER_03Like he wasn't living a poke. There was no bending, there was no bending going on. There was more like on your knees. It was more like on your knees. A lot of people it was worship. It was worship.
SPEAKER_00Come on, Nicki Minaj featuring Ariana Grande.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so but yeah, but then after like a month, after like three weeks or so, he we were we were 19, but we were drinking in the residence halls, and we he started allegedly, yeah. The time has come on this this time, this time we actually were. There were other times that were alleged. And we were like, we were just all hanging out, and he started like making out with like my best friend who was a woman, and then they ended up dating for like six months. And so, like, I like I wasn't necessarily publicly out at that point, he wasn't either, and so I felt like I had to like suppress all of my emotions and feelings and like grieve that relationship while also being supportive of my friend, and like that was the first sort of actual like queer relationship that I was ever in or actual relationship period. And so it's like that really, really was formative for me in putting myself out there to other people, and it's made me sort of closed off because I just assume, oh, they're going to hurt me, whether it's in three weeks, three days, three years. And so that that to me has been something that I've been working through as well. About like, I have I have friendships that are decades long, queer and straight. And so I was like, I know how to how to be in relation with people and how to have supportive relationships and what healthy relationships look like. Now, applying that to dating men is different, it's completely different.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, there's so many levels to the to dating, and I like that you spoke on that and don't like that it happened because you, as we were talking, imagine we've waited all this long time. Again, our counter straight counterparts have gone through all this type of stuff during their teenage years where it feels like you just have a plethora of people, it's publicly acceptable, so like the shame isn't attached. Like, there's so much other things attached to our first experiences. You had to have the experience of it was in the closet. Oh, now you broke up and you have to sit there. Worst, watch your friend date them and then pretend like you weren't out there, you y'all didn't used to pray together. And then, so it's like all these different things happening, and it's like I finally got to this in my adult years, and now you're telling me that it's over, and I have to feel like this. I don't want to feel that again. So it makes sense the reason. So I feel like so many gay men, their first experiences are mostly sexual, void of any emotional connection, and that ends up being the pattern that they're reinforced. So, because of hormones and all the other things, there's this desire and craving for a connection, both sexually and intimately. But because intimately, like emotionally, there's no they didn't grow up, we didn't figure out how to do that part, so then they just reinforce the sexual aspect and then wonder why life is destructive when they try to add that emotional component because they don't know what they're doing.
SPEAKER_00I was with somebody and I'm talking about damn near 40. So I was out of college, I was out of college, so but I'm talking about freshly out of college, so maybe 23, 23, 24. Well, not freshly, but like barely out of college. And I was messing with somebody, he was damn near 40. So in his mid to late um midlife, and so I'm talking about we, we, we, we doing uh, we doing we fool on or whatever, we messing around. And literally in the middle of it, he was like, I can't, I'm sorry, I can't do this. And I said, Yes, you can. He was just doing it. Yeah, yeah, and then um, and then he was like, No, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry, I can't do this. This is gay. And I said, Yes, that was the idea when we were talking. That was the point. He was like, No, this is this is gay, this is wrong. I I I can't do it, like I can't go against my Muslim faith. Oh my god. Wow. And I said, that's what really got me into a point where I was like, Um, no, like, I don't care if anybody's uncomfortable with who I am authentically and all that good stuff. Because I just said I cannot be damn near 40 having these issues and like having these, you know, because I said this young man probably very well, not young man, he old as fuck, he's almost 40. Um, he uh so am I, so am I, Jordan.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you are just about. I'm almost, yeah. But that's okay. You know, you don't got no facial hair, so you don't look like it. That's true. I shaved last night, and retinoids and water is the secret. You know, am I in the other business? Seriously, though, that's true.
SPEAKER_00Um, but I was gonna say, this young man probably, or old man, probably went on to have a wife and and children and still because I mean, because sometimes we sit here and like, how do these men that have wives and children go cheat with men or go sleep with men? As these very things. And I said, I feel grateful that me and my friends are not in such a such a weird cycle or weird place. I mean, I was just talking about today that show. Um, it was like my husband isn't gay, where like they identify as liking men, but they're married to a woman because they don't want to go against their Mormon faith. I just it's that's I don't know. To me, that's kind of sad because you're sitting here with that struggle. And I said, I know that is not easy. That is shortening your lifespan and stressing you out like it is. Oh, I have some nondescript social media notifications in the background.
SPEAKER_04It's okay, it sounds like it sounds like something that's that also celebrates pride, but I'm gonna shut up.
SPEAKER_00No, it was not not too much. That was baby. My phone is right here and it is off. Okay, one of and also listen, if it's uh sometimes I get that notification and I'll talk about oh, they'd be fine, but then I'm sitting here and I open it up. The message is in German, and I said, baby, I'm not translating that today. So too much work.
SPEAKER_04I would love to talk about that. So we've talked, we briefly mentioned that you are in Germany, and as you like to say, you black and with a big body bends. So I would love to know what dating is like in a foreign country. So, like, is there like what's a cultural dating misfire you've experienced so far?
SPEAKER_00I would say it's hmm, it's not super far off as being a black man with a larger body. It's you know, the big body band, so please don't crash, as I like to call it. Um so it's like sometimes I get very normal dates, I get very normal dates, you know, we headed off, it's nice, but I'ma say, so something that like culturally Germans like to do, and you can even go on TikTok and see this. I'm not trying to like discriminate or nothing like that. Some culturally Germans do is they they don't give a damn, even in traditional like heterogelationships. The bill is being split down the middle, right? Me being American, because it's like me being American, the way that I view that in the same sex relationship is whoever asked who out should be the one paying for the date, right? And so I can't relate when he I said so. He asked me out. I drove X I drove 30 minutes to go to where he lived, to where restaurant he wanted to go to. Food won't even like and I don't know about this. Food was not even that expensive, right? Probably like less than 20 euros, so not even that you know, pricey. It was like a little bowl of pasta, it was mean. But sometimes in Germany, like some places, they don't take credit card. So, you know, she said, How you gonna pay? I said, Mitch Karton Vita. She said, Oh, no cash, and she walked away. That means only cash. And I was just sitting here like and I'm looking at him. Oh no, before that, I saw him speaking in German. I said, I don't know what he's saying, but he put two fingers up, it looked like he split trying to get the bill split. And I ain't even I didn't even get that much. This and he's like a he's like a he works for Porsche, he's like an engineer for Porsche. Oh wow, because yeah, the Porsche factory is in Stuttgart, Germany. Fun fact, they produce a lot of foreign cars here, anyways. Um, well, I guess they're domestic here, but foreign in America, anyway. So the Volkswagen produce a lot of cars that are foreign to Americans in Stuttgart. The like the major factories are there. So a lot of people that are here they work in like engineering fields and stuff like that. Like a lot of people from Europe will come from Stuttgart to work in the engineering field. But, anyways, so he makes quite a bit of money. Not saying because they'd be I made my own money too, but it's just like you know, it's it's it really would not have been that deep, you know. Like if it was me and I said this is a cultural thing, if you know, I'm American, if he, you know, we were on a date and I even said let's split it and agreed to split it because he just he just knew that's all we was gonna do. And I had a card. Clearly, I have the cash, right? I would have said, Don't worry about it, I'll get it, and you can cash at me. Something. But I had to get my black ass up and find an ATM. Walk to set ATM, get the cash, walk back, and this has I had the nerve to ask if I wanted to leave a tip. No, and then the thing is, he was sitting at the table. I just went to the front, gave her the cash paid, and I left. You didn't even say not. I want to drive my car off the Audubon. No, for what? I wanted to drive my car off the Audubon, and then so good quite recently, I was dating this loser from France. Um, and I don't know. The the this is listen, okay. I'm actually glad that this happened. Not glad that it happened, but glad in retrospect that it happened when it did. I'll say that. So, and Dana knows about this, but he was, I mean, he was so nice, he had a French accent, he was talking all night the first date, and he was saying, I'm so sorry if I'm talking so much, it's because I'm nervous. And I said, No, I love listening to you. Speak, he had that French accent, it was good. I gave him a hug, everything. It was so nice, and so we said, I like spending time with you. How about we meet on Saturday? And I said, And listen, my best friend is gonna be here. It is now June 6th. My best friend's gonna be on the 13th. That guest bedroom's still not together, child. I'll be up all night on the 12th getting it together, anyways. I just know me, but anyways, I said I wasted a day that I couldn't be getting that bedroom together, going off a full law with with on Pierre. Okay, his name's not PR, it's called Pierre. Um, with Pierre, and then um we get there, not y'all, not you waving your fan, but I waving my fan. Anyways, it's literally hot. Germany doesn't have air conditioning, by the way.
SPEAKER_04I'm 80 and never lived there. That's a red flag. You should have just known the men were gonna be a red flag when the temperature is on the red part of the flag because it's hot.
SPEAKER_00Okay, but I have like I have so basically every room has two fans in the air conditioning unit. I just forgot to turn my air conditioning unit on before we started filming. Anyways, um, that's why I'm fan because I said, Oh my god, I'm hot for real. Um anyway, so we get to the date, we meet at a boba spot, and which one thing I do not like about Germany is they don't got smoothies, boba is not a they have boba spots, but it's not like you know, America we could drive two blocks, every every single block you get a smoothie, a slushy, they're gas stations. It's not like America, they don't really have a lot of iced drinks, but and y'all didn't ask me for a damn cultural lesson like what it's like living in Germany, anyways.
SPEAKER_03You are also a food reviewer, and so you do like this stuff, so yeah, I'm interested on a general those who love to learn, he will be relaunching soon with maybe award-winning anyway.
SPEAKER_00Yes, award-winning food blogger on ever with your life play with. So, as I'm sitting here, as I've sit here eating nondescript fast food, but I'm sorry, we met at the boba spot, and he was like, Um, because I've I've been there once with a friend, so it's downtown fashion district, and he was like, Oh, have you been here before? I said, I've been here once before. He said, What did you get? I said, Well, I got the feature drink, you know, the pineapple, green, jasmine, whatever tea they had, and it was pretty good. And I said, However, they do have a sign out here that has the top 10 drinks, you know, that are popular. And I thought he was just asking me that because he's trying to get a recommendation of what to drink. And so I was saying, Hey, maybe you can look on this top 10 poster. Not even in no fun, I wasn't even trying to be condescending or anything like that. He says to me, with like it, he has just like I'm about to say, just like I'm about to repeat it, he says, um, he says, that's not the answer to the question I asked you. I asked you what you got. I didn't ask you what the most popular drinks were. And this is a public. And my head I said, What are you talking to like I'm somebody's fucking child? And then then I started, you know, and this is what I'm saying when somebody was obsessing me, because he was. He was telling me how he liked me, he liked my body, all that, you know, and an cole Smith, do you like my body? All that good stuff. So so he was obsessing me, but then I'm looking back in retrospects from the first date and then other things that he did on the second date, and it was just like he would pay for things, but he paid for everything, which is not a problem, not a problem at all. I'm not saying baby. If you want to spend your dollars on me, okay, I'm the type to empty your account. How far are you willing to go? But when I can spend you, period. But it was just like, you know, so sometimes I was like, okay, well, I can get this thing, he got this, I get this. Every time I pull up my card to pay, it was almost like he would get offended and be like, no, I'm gonna pay, right? Again, that ain't no problem, like again, but I'm saying in retrospect, like, okay, this this this person has some type of control issue, and then to take it a step further, he was what he was 5'7, he's short. Listen, now for me, I love me an itty-bitty nigga with a D B. Like, shout out to JC. I like an itty bitty nigga with a D V, to be honest, okay. And I'm gonna say this because I have a gag going on, okay? Because um, they know that they know I like me an itty bitty nigga with a D B, okay.
SPEAKER_03I currently nothing wrong with that. We didn't know what you like. Yeah, this is true.
SPEAKER_00I'll just say this. I currently have a I currently have a little boot thing in London who is itty bitty.
SPEAKER_04Listen, people might be able to put two or two together.
SPEAKER_00So I'ma just say I have a boo thing. And listen, I'm gonna just how you know what this might be this might be literal, this might not be literal. I'm gonna say, baby, he got award-winning penis. Anyway, so yes, great, like that food blog. But you know, we I did the second date, but like I'm sorry, I'm I'm not somebody that can really fake funk, honestly. So he was like, you know, you've looked upset and the entire date, blah blah blah. And I was actually gonna communicate and be like, okay, that was weird. Let me let me try to do a third date and at least address it first. But what happened was is I guess he didn't like how I had demeanor on the second date, so he got a ghost through me after that. But I'm kind of glad because I said that has the potential to form or two abuse, and I just it just wasn't for me. And I'm kind of glad he talked to me crazy because, like, that's how people get in abusive relationships. People are they're so nice and disingenuous for so long that they trap people in being like emotional uh with them, and then like when they try to do it, then people will try to justify to make excuses for they're like, Well, no, he does like me. That that's it's it's like the analogy is if you put a frog in boiling hot water, it's gonna jump out. But if you put a frog in room temperature water and slowly turn up the heat till it gets to boiling, the frog will stay in the water pot and die.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that was the second thing with dating. I went on another, yeah, I did go on another date. I went on another date, but it was kind of very much the same thing. Um, he was a military man because there's a military installation in town, an American military installation in town. He was a military, he was in the military. I don't remember what rank he was, but he was staying in the barracks. But it was always a very much like a, oh, don't tell my homeboys, and oh, I'm DL, and oh, I know you have my number, but can you contact me on Snapchat? Because Snapchat deletes. And this, I kid you not, like I was bored the first time I entertained him. So it was like, it was always gonna be something casual. It's never gonna be something like, you know, serious. But he messaged me one time at like five in the morning saying, Hey, I've been out drinking all night. Do you wanna do you wanna drive over to where I live and give me some head? But like, you have to be really quiet and discreet because I have roommates and homeboys and stuff like that. And I said, Do I look like a fucking teenager number one? I got baby, I have an apartment with a hair board. Like, what the fuck? I look like all I look like sneaking around in a fucking hoodie, like in an apartment building where you got roommates. I live by myself, and it was just like so part of me was just like, so you can't get here. And he was like, No, I don't have money for an Uber. I said, You have money to go Uber to drink all night. Yeah, then I blocked him. Anyways, I it was enough, it was never gonna be he was gonna get a second taste of the big body bands. You fumbled your first now. Um, but to answer your original question, what's it like with those three guys? Trash. Um, but like on the social media apps, same thing, and but this isn't like the same thing you get in America, where it'll be you might get somebody who is kind of fetishizing your body. So, like I remember I was in the Czech Republic and he was like, Ooh, a big fat black chocolate man. I just love how fat you are. He said, I want you to come over and suffocate me and sit on my face. I'm fine, I find it shit comical. I was weak. Um, I sent the comment, I said a comment to my homegirl, shout out was her birthday yesterday, my best friend Sarah, and we was dying. Um and then, or you know, I'll get sorry. When people say sorry, not my type, it's literally I don't date black men or I don't date larger men or you know, whatever, what whatever their quote unquote preference is. But like, I'm sorry, if you got that preference, I would rather you not talk to me anyways. I just move on. I don't make a big fuss, a big stick, a big to-do with like that kind of stuff. I was just like, I don't want to spend energy explaining, like, I don't I know that I'm amazing, I don't have to waste time explaining why I'm amazing. Um, I will say that's another episode for another day, but I will say, like, men with muscular bodies, when you also don't have a muscular body and you turn somebody with a muscular body down. Oh, baby, the insecurities jump out. Really? They get very, they get very offended. I don't know if you have if y'all have had this. I'm sorry, I'm basically calling you bitches bad built, but I don't know if y'all have to be.
SPEAKER_03I was gonna say as someone with a very muscular body. This is why this is an audio-only mechanism. So people just take me as my word.
SPEAKER_00Um, I I don't know, y'all probably haven't experienced this, but let's say theoretically, y'all were skinnier and y'all have y'all experienced this turning down somebody who was muscular. Have you had that experience before? I don't turn down a lot. Well, that's done on that's a horror, David. Yeah, girl, you don't be in the bathhouses with like what with like the no loads refuse girlies, do you in the dark form? Because you know they talk about that boy that had 96 loads.
SPEAKER_03Uh oh, I don't know. So I don't give me put on game sweater. I can't take. No, they've COVID basically shut down most of the bathhouses here. I have been to some events at the in those kind of environments, I'm more interested in just observing because it's very overstimulating.
SPEAKER_04That makes sense.
SPEAKER_00So, yeah, but I yeah, I have it. I know they they have there's two bathhouses in Stuttgart. The only reason why I have not is because I will say this the age of the age of consent in Europe is not 21 like it is in America. Like with those things, the age of consent is 18 here. So because of that, I can I can I can run into some some different I I just I don't like to chance that. So that's why I haven't been because it's like the the age of admittance is 18, not 21 in Europe.
SPEAKER_04So enough, like that's just too many people. Like, I'm not an outdoorsy person, so I've it's just never been my shtick. Cause one people stink to me. Like, I went to a party one time where it was not it was not a bathhouse thing. I've never, I don't actually I've never been to a bathhouse, but like it was I learned just from the party that there's like this culture of let's be funky, and I just said absolutely not, like, I just don't want to even be around a group of men at this point because I'm like, yo, don't kink shame. No, I am gonna shame it because I said I don't mind people doing stuff like that in their private home, but when you subject unconsent non-consenting participants, that pisses me off. It's kind of like if you want to be a cigarette smoker, a weed smoker, all that type of stuff, that's your business. But if we at an indoor event where that's not supposed to be happening, and now you're forcing me to participate, I'm pissed off. So, yes, I'm a nimby on that type of stuff.
SPEAKER_00But I'm sorry, we this all stuff from David's sake. He rarely turns down. So, do you have any like what did you say your red flag was where you're answering like no?
SPEAKER_03Um, basically, if they're like for me, for me, it's like if they're rude to servers, and I would have to get to the date.
SPEAKER_00Maybe that's one for me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I would have to get to the date part first. Like, usually I'd rather like just have a quick casual encounter to see if there's even rapport, and then I'd maybe explore going out to a meal or something.
SPEAKER_00Somebody that's just not kind in general. Like, like I said, that example in the vocal spot. Somebody that's rude to me for no reason, rude to Waitstaff for no reason, but nice to me. And just something is like like I said, somebody who's so nice, but just flip-flops being me. To me, that's this giant red flag. Like that tells me there's something underneath. You got some PTSD, some trauma you need to work out, and then also saying, like, oh, I typically don't like men, but I like you. Like, that's gonna be a no baby. It's a no for me. Go to therapy because you out of order, gag order, out of order, okay. And I just want to say, because Lord Dominion sent down here, is out here in dark rooms saying no loads refused, taking 100 lows here, 20 lows there, 850 lows there, fix it, gag order.
SPEAKER_04They used to protect and serve, now they just pent over and taking it up, anyways. I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_03Oh well, on that note, Jordan, where can people follow you if they are interested? If you want them to follow you or not, or slide in your DMs.
SPEAKER_00You know, if you make more than if you're making mid-6 figures or buffs, um, you know, and you look margin if you're marginally attractive, even if you're not attractive, okay? Because I can arch that thing like the I can arch it like the nondescript fast food I was eating, okay? So we can turn it around. I ain't gotta look at you. Because listen, if you let that broke nigga fuck me telling.
SPEAKER_04Don't play with it, because you know that's my song. That's my song. Okay, I'm classy. I said, Hold on, I think I might got that loaded up.
SPEAKER_02She said, if you let that broke nigga fuck me telling how you're sexy.
SPEAKER_00Hey, if you let that broke nigga fuck me tell it. Okay, I ain't like David, okay. I don't be in the dark rooms letting any broke nigga stick it and lick it however he pleases, okay? You're about to have it lit. Okay, okay. You ain't gonna listen, okay. You ain't gonna have me back over in the closet like the Livia Poping now. I'm sorry, I don't mean I just I've really been coming for y'all off podcast. Um, because I said that's two other bad as that's two other badly built bitches. So when y'all turned on muscular man, you really did.
SPEAKER_01I said, wait a minute.
SPEAKER_04Wait, how did I get involved in this?
SPEAKER_00Like the gym raff, like the her.
SPEAKER_03I don't mind that. I kind of like that.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no, I'm not saying I'm not saying that sizes. No, no, me too. I'm just saying, like, I've turned I've turned down men of all different sizes myself. It's just the most visceral reaction I get is from men that are built like that. Because they feel like I said, and listen, and like I said, the current man that I have in London is built like that.
SPEAKER_04Uh, we did watch you didn't tell the people where they can follow you.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I didn't because I have I have A D D like a motherfucker. Okay, so you can find a bad bitch if you make six figures or above, or if you a itty bitty nigga, but the thick big. I will take it at um at started jeb s o n i c e b and pretty much type that in, you'll find me anywhere, okay? Carry your pigeon. Just just stay out my dms if you broke. You got baby mamas. You don't normally like men, but you find me attractive, stay up DMs. I don't want to talk to you. Another thing, if you have ashy lower extremities, I don't want a note. Keep it. Oh, I'm sorry. I said lower extremities, I was talking about feet because when I be in the bed, it'd be scratched.
SPEAKER_03I'm thinking knees.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, knees, yeah, knees. Like, you know, when you be in the bed and then like the the lower extremities, like they be ashy, the the the hair, shoulders, knees, and toes be ash, and they be trying to cuddle up on you. Please get off me. Yeah, yeah. So that's another red flag. Why you cuddling with another man talking about you straight? We might need a therapy episode at this point. If you let that it's listen, if you let that broke, then go fucking cuddle. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And I said, why you cuddling? I said, why you cuddling with a man and claiming that you straight? Shout out to half the men at the push comedy theater in North Ark for sure.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god. On that note, thank y'all so much for listening.
SPEAKER_03If you enjoyed this episode, feel free to share it with a friend. Rate us five stars on the platform where you listen. Get in touch with us at Call Me Limbo Pod on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok Threads, and Red Note. Subscribe to our Substack. Day just published a Substack article. Go read it. Call Me Limbo Pod. You can support the show financially by becoming a Patreon member, patreon.com slash call me limbo pod, or send one-time contributions on Venmo and Cash App. And you know, Day and Jordan, like I always say, I I paraphrase Doja Cat, but I always say it. Play with my pussy, but don't play with my emotions. Here is okay.
SPEAKER_00And you know what I say? If you let that broke nigga fuck, we tell him.
SPEAKER_04You know what? And on that note, y'all, remember when they go low, we get sick of sissies. So call me a limbo.